THE PASTOR’S
SI P NO T EURS V EIEW
When You Don’t Feel Called Diane Estep
I
knew it immediately. My family had gathered at church, and it was time for the evening service to begin. The teens were filing into the section where we typically sat in the sanctuary. Probably 30 of us were crowded onto three long, hard pews. As we were settling, I glanced over to see who had slid in next to me. Although I was only a sophomore in high school, I had this feeling that I was sitting beside my future husband. At the time, Eddie was preparing for pastoral ministry at Mount Vernon Nazarene College. So I realized that if we eventually dated and married, that meant I would become a preacher’s wife. I thought I knew what that meant. We had wonderful pastors’ spouses in my home church. They gave of themselves in ministry and impacted my life. I saw the way they loved people and poured themselves out serving others. Especially Kathleen—she was kind and she wasn’t timid about her testimony. Her walk and talk reflected what the Lord had done in her heart. So, at the age of 15, I began imagining what life would be like married to a pastor. I decided I would begin preparing for this life in ministry by doing everything that I thought would be necessary and was expected of me. I mentally made a checklist of what I would need to do and be in order to be the perfect pastor’s spouse. You may be familiar with the list: must know how to play the piano; must know how to entertain the masses; must know the answer to all of the questions in Sunday school (and you get bonus points if you can give the scripture reference); must be friends with everybody—all the time, no matter what; must raise children who are perfect. Other things were on that list, but you get the idea.
46 / GRACE & PEACE MAGAZINE WINTER 2020
I figuratively hung that list around my neck and used it to measure what I thought was expected of me. Over the past 35 years, I’ve learned a lot about ministry and expectations—both self-imposed expectations and assumed expectations from people in the church. One important lesson I learned for myself—and for those with whom I minister—is that I be who God has called me to be. You and I are at our best when we are living life close to the Father so that we are able hear and respond to His voice. We must be shaped by who God is calling us to be, instead of functioning from lists of expectations we’ve creatively hung around our necks. God knew exactly what ministry assignments we would encounter, and He has gifted each of us for each season, even when we feel confused about if or why we were called. God has given all of us abilities, passions, and dreams that we are individually called to fulfill. Some of us are outgoing, some shy. Some of us love working with children, while others of us enjoy ministering to young married couples. Some of us are gifted in singing. Some are great listeners. Every person is gifted and called to carry out Kingdom work. If you don’t live out your personal calling, who will? God asks us to be faithful to Him and to serve Him in such a way that we point people to Jesus. It really is that simple and the only thing required from us who are living beside those called into ministry. I’m not sure we realize how important our role is in ministry. At times, in ministry, however, we may be asked to do a task or take up a lead role in an area we may not necessarily feel called or gifted. The task simply needs to
