Musings from the Middle: The Real Heroes

by Cathy Allie

We used to find our heroes in the form of conniving military generals, cowboys, Betsy Ross like seamstresses, dare-devil high wire artists, and astronauts. An occasional politician caught our fancy, before our country became a divided mess. The Sully Sullenbergers of the world, landing struggling planes in the Hudson river captured headlines then captured our hearts.

As of late, social media elevates people to hero status overnight, tales of their valor being tweeted and retweeted with a frenzy. Just as quickly, the heroine is vanquished to old news reels and replaced by a reality show star who invented an eyelash growing solution or a bankrupt tycoon who is selling his plasma to cure children with severe warts.

Instead of firefighters rescuing kittens from trees (and by the way thank you for that), I propose we take a look at some heroes and heroines who come from our normal, everyday lives and give them credit where credit is due.

Take for instance Heather who only circled the Target lot twice before landing a prime parking spot, allowing her to have three extra minutes in the dollar aisle. Or maybe today we should honor Paul, who used the gas points from the grocery store for a full tank of gas, prior to said points expiring.

It is easy to give props to Kelly, who was able to quickly determine which of the 5 pair of virtually identical black leggings was her daughter’s favorite and deliver them to the school in time for the unanticipated after school practice.

For this tribute, I nominate Donna, who held on to the one unmatched sock through not one but two laundry cycles to be rewarded when its mate emerged from the pocket of a pair of snow pants triumphantly re-connecting for another week of wear.

Perhaps Janet deserves our applause today. Five years into her quest for the perfectly curated pantry, she has not only labeled all her spices with permanent marker and alphabetized them, but actually found a recipe that uses the obscure spice she once purchased at Harry and David’s.

I am enamored with Tiffany, who I have only heard about by rumor, as her feat is almost too grand to perceive. The legend goes that she drove car pool for five straight days with her middle school riders without beginning a conversation with any of them that had the potential to embarrass her daughter. I can hardly imagine how tough it was for her to persevere in leaving tempting teen topics untouched, practically biting through her tongue while waiting for the light to change.

And speaking of rumored heroes, there is a tall tale of a man named Dave who does the grocery shopping for his wife. The story goes that his wife makes a list, and he drives to the store, uses coupons, and brings the groceries home. Several claim to have seen him in the act of shopping, but there is no video of the actual event. I pray this is not some Big Foot myth.

I want to be like Leah when I grow up. She grabbed two pair of Spanx, wedged herself into them and wore that matron of honor dress that her bridezilla sister bought one size too small like a queen. Take that size six! And perhaps her husband Kevin deserves an honorable mention for purposefully leaving the room during the Spanx portion and returning just in time to say, “That dress almost looks too big on you.” Stud.

Heroes and heroines are as close to you as a co-worker, neighbor, or friend of a friend, too numerous to count, but perhaps you know some of these:

Ashley, the mom who recently headed to the dealership and traded in her car, and no seat had an unidentified stain on it. Not one.

Jackie, the grandmother, who cooked just the right amount of pasta to match the sauce she made. Not a single unsauced noodle.

Cory, the daring mom who survived shopping for a dress for her daughter’s dance without swallowing a sequin or taking money from her 401K.

Gavin, an expectant father, who not only withheld a sigh when asked to change the nursery paint color one more time, but actually remembered the baby’s due date and delayed his Vegas guy’s weekend plans for a bit.

Molly, headed on a date with her husband, who successfully applied liquid eye-liner on BOTH eyes without finishing looking like a black-eyed prizefighter.

Amanda, the clever mom who coordinated all her children’s sleep overs to happen on one night, so she could go out to eat at a restaurant that didn’t even serve chicken nuggets.

Pete, the only male in a household with a beautiful wife and three daughters, who fashioned his own Drain Weasel from a ball point pen and a paper clip and whisked away a week’s worth of shampooing before it could ruin his plumbing.

Val, the Girl Scout mom, who was able to remember where she stashed the patches, and also managed to have just the right amount of Badge Magic to affix every patch to her scout’s vest right before the big parade.

Debbie, whose son’s football pants were so white from her excellent laundry skills that they literally blinded his opponents. They simply could not see past those pants’ brilliance as he streaked toward the goal line for a touchdown.

Eric, who anticipated all the winter flattened bike tires prior to the first warm day and filled them for his anxious bike-riding kids, buying himself precious time on the porch with his wife.

Linda, whose Tupperware lids all match and whose earrings all have backs. Crazy, right?

Pinterest, for giving us something to blame when one of our crazy ideas falls flat. “I saw it on Pinterest and thought it would work—should have known better.”

Congrats to all of you. I hope you receive the accolades you so richly deserve.

Cathy is a retired public school English teacher and Public Information Officer.