Great Health Guide: April 2017 by Great Health Guide

Contents Great health CONCEIVING: TOP TIPS

Make 2017 your year of the baby bump top tips for conceiving .....Dr Sonya Jessup.......................... 6

EXERCISES FOR RECUPERATION

Home exercises to recuperate after a hospital stay or bed confinement .....Justin Balbir & Margarita Gurevich......9

KIDZ MATTERS HELPING HYPERACTIVE & BUSY KIDS

Hyperactive & busy children don’t understand what it is like to be calm .....Deb Hopper............................... 19

WISE DECISION MAKING

UNDERSTAND YOUR CHILDS’ BEHAVIOUR

The art of using your multiple intelligences in decision making

What is your child’s behaviour communicating & telling you?

.....Dr Suzanne Henwood................ 14

.....Clare Crew................................. 22

FITNESS

DEVELOP YOUR CREATIVE SIDE PART 1

AVOID GYMTIMIDATION

Develop your creative side to innovate more

Avoiding gymtimidation will help you maintain your goal of fitness .....Kat Millar................................ 27

PILATES: FIVE POINTS TO KNOW

Five points that will improve your Pilates program .....Michael Dermansky................ 30

MINDSET ANGER MANAGEMENT PART 3

.....Dr Jenny Brockis..................... 39

LEADERSHIP: ON YOUR MARKS

A growth mindset is essential to achieve success .....Kelly Swingler........................ 42

SUPPORT DURING SEPARATION

Tips to support your friends or relatives through a separation .....Charmaine Roth...................... 46

More ways to help you to manage your anger

RELATIONSHIPS

.....Ruane J. Lipkie...................... 35

LOVE IS NOT A CHOICE!

Love is not a choice: an interview with Dianna & Michael .....Dr Matthew Anderson............ 51

EDITOR’S NOTE Hello Friends What an exciting time it is to announce that Happy, Healthy Kids Vol 1, the first eBook in ‘The Health Specialists’ Series’ received Amazon #1 Best-Seller status. Thank you for your incredible support for the first of seven eBooks. While writing this note, the second eBook Happy, Health Nutrition Vol 2 is in the final stages before being published and nearly ready for release. No doubt it will be with you when this month’s issue of GHGTM is published. Because we know some people prefer paperback books, we will also be releasing ‘The Health Specialists’ Series’ in two paperbacks. Stay tuned for release dates.

(even if you think you’re not creative at all ). Also included is an article to help you support friends going through separation or divorce and a critically important article on anger management. We do hope that these will empower you with knowledge when you and your loved ones most need it. As always, we look forward to your comments and feedback since these publications are about you so if there are any topics that interest you please do let us know here.

To your great health Kath x

Despite the launch of the new book series, it is still business as usual for Great Health GuideTM digital mag. Outstanding articles continue to be written by highly specialised health professionals. This month we include more articles in the mindset section to propel you forward in your leadership capacity and also teach you how to develop your creative side

TEAM GHG FOUNDER + EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Kathryn Dodd DEPUTY EDITORS Dr Helen Dodd Dr William Dodd DESIGNERS Oleksandra Zuieva Olha Blagodir Belinda Nelson

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Dr Matthew Anderson Justin Balbir Dr Jenny Brockis Clare Crew Michael Dermansky Margarita Gurevich Suzanne Henwood Deb Hopper Dr Sonya Jessup Ruane Lipkie

Kat Millar Charmaine Roth Kelly Swingler ADMINISTRATION Weng Yee Leong Marissa Peden Tiana Tischler CONNECT WITH US:

© Antalya Developments Pty Ltd 2017 Any information made available in the Great Health Guide Magazine (electronic or hard copy formats), or from Antalya Developments Pty Limited or Kathryn Dodd, including by way of third party authored articles or discussions, is made available for readers’ interest only. The purpose of making the information available is to stimulate research, public discussion and debate. Readers are encouraged to undertake their own research and consult with professional advisors to form their own independent views about the topic/s discussed. The information made available in the Great Health Guide Magazine (electronic or hard copy formats) is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Readers should seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions regarding a potential or actual medical condition or the proposed use or decision not to use any particular product. Readers should not disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it at any time, including because of the content of any information made available in the Great Health Guide Magazine (electronic or hard copy formats). Each of Antalya Developments Pty Ltd and Kathryn Dodd do not warrant, guarantee or make any representation regarding the accuracy, veracity, adequacy, reliability, completeness or timeliness of any information available on, or arising in relation to, the Great Health Guide Magazine (electronic or hard copy formats). Neither Antalya Developments Pty Limited nor Kathryn Dodd endorses the views of any contributing authors to the Great Health Guide Magazine (electronic or hard copy formats).

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great health

Top Tips To

Conceiving Words Dr Sonya Jessup

have a New Year’s Resolution to fall pregnant in 2017. However, for

many when conceiving naturally just isn’t happening, it can be frustrating, stressful and upsetting. This year could be the perfect time to reconsider options, if naturally conceiving has been unsuccessful so far. Many factors lead to infertility and there is no one cause as to why some couples have difficulties conceiving. Couples generally are leaving

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..............................................

ouples wanting to conceive may

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having a baby until a lot later than they used to. This has an impact on overall fertility, as fertility declines with age. Today a large proportion of the young population, don’t even feel ready to have or care for a child until well into their 30’s or even 40’s. After years of taking contraception, there is an expectation that falling pregnant will happen quickly which often is not the case. There are many good reasons for delaying starting a family but the downside is that with increasing age there is a decreasing quality of the GHG Disclaimer – please read

eggs. Women over 40 have a 1 in 20 chance of falling pregnant naturally and this declines even further with increasing age. IVF can improve the chances of conceiving considerably.

THERE IS

NO ONE

CAUSE AS TO WHY SOME

COUPLES HAVE

DIFFICULTIES

CONCEIVING.

• Develop a fertility management plan for maximising natural fertility • Go easy on yourself - Don’t be too strict on yourself • Don’t make dramatic lifestyle changes in the quest to fall pregnant • Keep the joy in sex, work, socialising and everyday pleasures • See a fertility specialist early on, to check if there are no other health issues. When to seek further advice: Many couples think that they will conceive naturally within about 3-6 months of trying and are surprised when it doesn’t happen. Anyone who is concerned about a delay in conceiving is encouraged to seek specialist fertility advice promptly. Often just seeking professional

Infertility affects men too. Sperm count and

advice, regardless of age or length of time

motility decrease as males get older, so their

trying, makes couples feel more positive about

chance of fertility also declines. Studies show

the whole experience and gives some clarity

that around 1 in 10 men with no previous

around what might be happening.

history of illness or trauma, often have a very low sperm count.

For couples who have been trying to fall pregnant naturally, the festive season can be a

Top tips to conceiving naturally by maintaining

difficult time. The New Year is a fantastic time to

a happy, healthy lifestyle:

start fresh and consider different options. There

• Consume a balanced diet, rich in fibre, folate, lycopene, fruits and vegetables • Minimise consumption of highly processed foods • Stay positive and maintain that positive mindset • Exercise - moderate physical activity can increase the ability to conceive GHG Disclaimer – please read

are many factors that can be addressed and improved without needing IVF treatments, so people in this situation should ask their GP for a referral to see a Fertility Specialist. It is important to know that everyone’s fertility journeys are different and no two couples are the same. IVF need not be the long and difficult process that it was in the past. Couples should lead a completely normal life during an IVF cycle. That SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 7

COUPLES SHOULD LEAD A COMPLETELY NORMAL LIFE DURING AN IVF CYCLE. a glass of wine when catching up with friends and family and having a completely normal sex life, where sex is fun again and not just aimed at ‘conceiving’. If a woman is older, not every egg is normal and several IVF cycles may be needed to find a good quality embryo that grows into a baby. The ability to lead a normal life during this time is just so important. The New Year is a perfect time to consider

........................................

means working as usual, coffee in the morning,

Sonya Jessup,

FRANZCOG Specialist

BHB

MBChB

experienced

Gynaecologist

MRM Fertility

Demeter

Fertility, working in Reproductive Medicine for the past decade. She provides a thorough & personalised assessment of a patient’s situation, can organise & perform procedures, tests or surgery. Dr Jessup has been through IVF herself & works to create a happy, low stress, sustainable approach to fertility treatments.

maximising your natural fertility, or to consider the options that are available to you if you have struggled to fall pregnant. If any of the below questions apply to you, seek the advice of a Fertility Specialist: Ask your GP for a referral to see a specialist initially, rather

Editor’s

Choice

than as a last resort.

BE FRUITFUL

• Do you want to have a baby or a family?

The Essential Guide to Maximizing Fertility & Giving Birth to a Healthy Child.

• Are you concerned about the time it has

Identifies:

taken for you to conceive? • Do you already know of a medical reason why you or your partner may have fertility problems? • Do you suspect there may be a reason based on you and your partners’ past? • Are you single and wanting a baby? Delaying too long is one of the main problems that leads to long term infertility. 8 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

by by Dr Victoria Maizes

• potential physical problems • e motional & practical roadblocks Recommends: • proven dietary, supplemental needs & exercises • care for the entire person - a crucial factor to conceive Paperback Published 2013

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xercises FOR RECUPERATION Words Justin Balbir & Margarita Gurevich

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*NOTE: the following exercises are a guide only – refer to your doctor or physiotherapist for specific advice on what is appropriate for you or the affected individual, based on their

aturally,

incapacitation

for

extended period will lead to a feeling of lethargy and weakening

of the muscles. It is important to slowly build up energy, strength and fitness following a hospital stay. Obviously, there is no one generic formula for this, as each person will vary based on their current age, previous fitness level, reason for hospital admission and the specific orders of their doctor or surgeon. The following are a list

..........................................

illness and reason for hospital admission.

will be able to commence harder exercises with the ultimate goal to returning to your pre-hospital admission routine. Your physiotherapist will be able to guide you on this. The below exercise routine should, however, be enough in the initial stages of your recovery. Make sure that you don’t feel any pain during the exercises except for muscle pain. If at any stage you start feeling pain in your spine or joints, stop immediately and consult your physiotherapist.

of general exercises which

can

performed to build general strength and conditioning, home and

environment requiring

equipment. As

your

*Carry out 10 reps of the following strengthening exercises: 1.Bridges: Lying on your back,

condition

bend your knees and

starts to improve you

keep your feet flat

BEFORE COMMENCING THE EXERCISES MAKE SURE YOU GET THE GREEN LIGHT FROM YOUR SURGEON. 10 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

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ground as high as you can – emphasize this by squeezing your buttock muscles – then slowly lower yourself down. 2. Clams: Lying on your side, have the knees bent with one leg directly on top of the other. Keep your ankles together the whole time. Begin by slowly lifting your top knee off the bottom one – this movement will be generated by your hip muscles. Once you have rotated the knee out as far as you can, slowly lower it back down. Note: Make sure that GHG Disclaimer – please read

...................................................

on the ground. Slowly lift your buttocks off the

you don’t roll backwards while doing this. 3. Sit-to-stands: Sitting on a chair or the edge of a bed, stand all the way up until your legs and back are straight, then slowly lower yourself down. Try not to use your hands to propel yourself up. The slower you sit back down the harder your muscles will work. 4. Calf raises: Standing in front of a wall (for support), lift your heels off the ground so that you are on the balls of your feet. Then slowly lower yourself SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 11

back down. Once this becomes easy you can try doing single leg calf raises, keeping the other knee bent and foot off the floor. 5. Wall push ups: Have your hands on the wall in line with your shoulders, standing about 1 step away from the wall. Using your arms, slowly bring your chest in towards the wall, then slowly press yourself back away. Make sure that you don’t arch your lower back.

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AIM TO BUILD UP YOUR EXERCISE TOLERANCE Women’s Health (including incontinence) and gastrointestinal issues.

Justin Balbir, has Bachelor of Health Sciences & Master of Physiotherapy Practice, La Trobe University.

Justin

specializes

manual

therapy & sports injuries. He has worked for 5 years as a sports trainer for the Ajax Football Club, with experience in soft-tissue massage & injury management.

6. Bicep curls: Using a dumbbell, a light bag or even a can of beans; start with your arms by your sides and palms facing forwards. Slowly lift the object by bending your elbows, bringing your palms up towards your shoulders, then slowly back down.

Editor’s

Choice

7. Walking:

THE END OF PAIN

Aim to build up your exercise tolerance by

How Nutrition & Diet can Fight Chronic Inflammatory Disease

going for short walks. This may be only short, 30 second bouts or several minutes, depending on your current fitness levels. Slowly build this up until you are back to your baseline, prior to hospital admission.

Margarita Gurevich is Senior Physiotherapist at Health Point Physiotherapy. B. Phty degree at La Trobe University & Diploma of SCENAR Therapy, Moscow SCENAR Centre. Margarita extensively uses Clinical Pilates, SCENAR

therapy, Real Time Ultrasound & McKenzie treatment. She specialises in Sports Injuries, 12 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

by Dr Jacqueline Lagace

The Modern Western diet & Chronic Inflammatory Disease: • Use nutritional therapy/ diet for relief • Do not consume wheat, dairy products, • Do not cook meat at high temperatures • Keep a balance of good intestinal flora • Prevent growth of pathogenic bacteria in the gut Paperback Published 2015

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IN T ERFLO R A P R E S E NTS

The McGrath Foundation Collection Quote 1

SHOP NOW

Wise ecision

Making Words Dr Suzanne Henwood

Design Oleksandra Zuieva

decision, which you felt was a good decision. Where did you make the

decision from? Was it from your head – all about logic and facts, was it a rational explanation that said you should choose a certain outcome? Or did you decide from your heart? Was it driven by what is most important to you, how you feel and how others might be affected? Or was your gut involved? Was it about who you are at your core? Or was it protecting you in some way? Did you act on it quickly?

HOW DO YOU MAKE YOUR DECISIONS?

The art of using your multiple intelligences: Excitingly, the very latest applied neuroscience tells

have

multiple

brains

(or

intelligences) and that wise decision making is most likely when we use all three brains in a certain order. Each brain has its own ‘Prime Function’ (See Table 1) and when working positively across all three prime functions in each brain, then the brain expresses itself in what is called ‘Highest Expression’ (See Table 2). By focusing on the individual brains and allowing each brain to function optimally and resourcefully, facilitating highest expressing of the brains – then new wisdom emerges which is transformational. GHG Disclaimer – please read

.........................................................................................................................................................

ake a moment to reflect on a past

Table 1 – Prime Functions of the 3 brains

Head

Cognitive Perception – knowing Thinking Making meaning

Heart

Emotions Values (what is important to you) Connecting with others

Gut

Core identity Safety Action Taking

Table 2 – Highest Expressions of the 3 brains Head

Creativity

Heart

Compassion

Gut

Courage

Experience from mBraining shows that prior to making any decision, there is a benefit from balancing the body and its autonomic nervous system, to fully access all your intelligence. Use breathing to create heart coherence and enable full access to inner wisdom. If ever there was a time in history when wise decision making is needed, surely it is now! Process in mBraining Decision Making Model: 1. Take a minute to quieten and balance your

body.

Sit

quietly,

back

straight,

shoulders relaxed, feet flat on the floor, hands in your lap and bring your attention to your breathing. Consciously bring your breathing into a rhythmic pattern where you breathe in for a count of 6 and breathe out for a count of 6. Hold this pattern for 3 minutes. SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 15

taking your attention to your heart area, ask your heart: • What it truly desires • How it feels about the situation • How any decision would affect significant others Allow your system to go quiet so you can hear or feel what your heart is saying. 3. Now, thank your heart and move your attention to the head. Ask your head: • What it thinks about the situation/decision • What does it already know (and is that a fact or might it be your mind read?) 16 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

...................................................................

2. Recall the decision you wish to make and

• What story are you telling yourself about it – what meaning are you giving the story you are telling? Be careful not to get too deeply into old ingrained stories – as you may just reinforce a story which may not even be true. 4. Thank your head and move your attention to your gut. Ask your gut: • What decision would keep you safe? • Which choice motivates you to act? • Which choice/option ‘feels’ right’? You may find placing your hands on your tummy allows you to access your gut intuition and intelligence. GHG Disclaimer – please read

HEART

COHERENCE & ACCESS YOUR INNER

WISDOM

5. Continuing to breathe in your natural beautiful

rhythm

and

reflect

the

intelligence that has emerged from all three brains. Are the brains in agreement? If not – what is required to bring them into agreement? What value or resource can you take into the body to enable all three to agree with the decision you have chosen to go with?

..................................................................

USE BREATHING TO CREATE

feel? What will you be doing and who will you be, having made that decision now? I encourage you to have a play with this process on a small decision first. It may take a few practices to be able to recognise your heart and gut – if you have not included them in conversations for a while. And be gentle with yourself. Explore the options in a loving way that always has your best interest at heart.

Dr Suzanne Henwood is an Associate Professor in Health and Social Sciences and a Master Trainer of mBIT (multiple Brain Integration Techniques). If you have any questions about mBraining or the mBraining decision making process – you can always find her at website.

Editor’s

Choice

6. As you bring the brains into alignment, imagine the decision flowing around the brains and remain quiet and contemplative.

BOOST YOUR BRAIN POWER!

This is the point at which new wisdom will emerge. It may be a word, a picture, a feeling, a symbol – you will understand it and can interpret what it means. It may be new information, or it may confirm what you thought you knew. Allow yourself some time to sit with this new wisdom. 7. Be honest with yourself and check for any bias and old thinking. Genuinely ensure all three brains have now had their input before making the final decision. 8. Finally – check out how the new decision feels. Imagine six months down the line having made that decision – how does that GHG Disclaimer – please read

by Dr Marie Pasinski

You Can Improve & Energize Your Brain at Any Age

• Invest in Your Brain • Age Proof Your Brain • Wake Up Your Brain • Use Your Amazing Memory Paperback Published 2012

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Kidz Matters

HELPING

yperactive & BUSY KIDS Words Deb Hopper

Design Oleksandra Zuieva

level and this can be impacted from day to day depending on how much sleep

they had, what is happening at home or school or if their routine has been disrupted and if they are feeling anxious or worried about things. But some children are generally much busier at home and/or school than other children and when this starts to impact on what they need to do, it may start to be a concern for their learning or behaviour. Many children who are hyperactive and busy, often don’t understand what it feels like in their body to be calm, relaxed or slowed down. Here are 5 top tips for helping hyperactive and busy children: 1. Reflect back to children how busy you think they might be. Using words such as ‘fast’, ‘slow’ or ‘just right’ might be helpful in children to understand that their bodies do change. Many children who might be labelled as

...........................................................................................

very child has a different base energy

hyperactive or ‘fast’, often don’t know what it ‘feels like’ to be relaxed, slow or chilled out. 2. Using a visual such as the ‘Just Right Kids Technique’ model can be very helpful for teaching children about how hyperactive, or ‘fast’ they are going. This model shown below has been used successfully with many children to help them to understand the difference between when they are going fast, slow or just right, as well as teasing out how they feel – their emotional side. Ask them how they are feeling, get them to move the arrow to the right colour or area for how they are feeling. This helps to connect and reinforce to them how they are feeling and makes this learning quicker. 3. If your child is struggling with being able to sit and concentrate and listen in class or for homework, encourage them to be involved in some movement and resistance (muscle) activities before

Editor’s

school or homework times. Jump on the

Choice

trampoline, bounce on a ball, walk or ride to school are great movement activities. 4. To help ground a child before learning activities, try some muscle or resistance

REDUCING MELTDOWNS & IMPROVING CONCENTRATION

activities. Resistance activities might include wall or floor push ups, walking out over a ball,

by Deb Hopper

• to understand & recognise emotions

pushing their hands together before starting work, or chair push-ups sitting in their seat.

• to learn to control emotions & behaviour

5. For busy and hyperactive children, using

• to reduce tantrums & meltdowns

a combination of movement and muscle

• to be able to sit in class, listen & learn

activities (body or sensory based) AND thinking/cognitive strategies (such as the

• to feel happy, safe & emotionally secure

Just Right Kids Technique model) gives them the most control over their thoughts. In addition, getting them to write a plan

PLUS: FREE “Just Right Kids” Circle Self-regulation model to print & stick on your fridge & BONUS of Deb’s web training videos.

of attack such as a list of what homework

Paperback

Published 2016

needs to be done, breaking it down into

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a small section for each day’s homework that week, or creating a mind map helps

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them develop a plan, engages their frontal engages them in goal directed action that can help them to override the underlying ‘hyperactivity’ or difficulty in concentration. So, next time your child is struggling with concentration, get them to: 1. stop 2. think – how fast is my body going (and look at the model) 3. think – what can I do to help my body get in the ‘just right’ zone 4. think – what is the plan or the steps for the plan 5. OK – let’s do it! GHG Disclaimer – please read

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lobe (thinking part) of the brain and

Deb Hopper, Occupational Therapist, author & workshop presenter. Deb is passionate about empowering parents and educators to understand the underlying reasons of why children struggle with behaviour, self-esteem and sensory processing difficulties. As a practicing, Occupational

Therapist,

she

understands

the daily struggles that children, parents and teachers face. Deb is the co-author of the CD Sensory Songs for Tots, and author of Reducing Meltdowns and Improving Concentration: The Just Right Kids Technique. Deb is available for clinic & phone/Skype consultations (02 6555 9877) & can be reached on her website. SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 21

nderstand Your Child’s Behaviour

of our ideal. There may be tantrums, tears, aggression, arguing and a

refusal to do what’s being asked. When a child behaves in these ways, our patience is tested. We feel overwhelmed, frustrated and depleted. We label the child’s actions as ‘inappropriate’ and allocate a consequence designed to deter its future repetition. This approach is rarely a success. Which is why we 22 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

........................................

hildren’s behaviour often falls short

Words Clare Crew

Design Oleksandra Zuieva

are continuing to see the same behaviours in our children again and again. You may be surprised to read that a child’s behaviour is not driven by their delight at giving us grey hairs. Instead, it is instinctively selected to meet the needs of their higher development. When examining a child’s behaviour, clues are always left behind, informing us of what is sought developmentally. We just need to sit up and pay attention. GHG Disclaimer – please read

1. Hyperactivity - when a child can’t sit still, medication isn’t what’s needed. The body is craving more movement. A child’s brain is not mature and ready for the academic world of school until foundations have firstly been laid in the physical body. That’s why movement is crucial in early life, with the need continuing if challenges are encountered, in the areas of learning, attention and behaviour. Not convinced? Look at the similarities between toddlers and hyperactive children. Both move constantly, their focus is short and they are working to their own agenda, not ours. The only factor that’s changed between these two groups of children, is our agerelated expectations. 2. Biting - when a child is biting other people or objects, he or she is seeking more proprioception. Proprioceptive input is that which stimulates the muscles, joints and ligaments of the body. Think of anything your body does with exertion; pushing, pulling, squeezing, lifting and yes, biting. Giving a biting child more opportunities to flex their muscles may eliminate this behaviour. Ideas to try include rough and tumble play, carrying

...................................................................................................................

Let’s explore four examples:

their own bag, wall push ups, hanging on monkey bars, deep pressure massage and giant bear hugs. Chewable jewellery can also be used to provide the sought after biting sensation, in a safer way. 3. Thumb Sucking - when a child sucks their thumb beyond toddlerhood, they may be seeking additional comfort in a world that is anxiety provoking. As a baby, the sucking action is associated with comfort and for some children, this need continues beyond the first few months of life. Another reason that a child may continue sucking their thumb, is to relieve the cranial pressure that may be lingering from the birth process. A craniosacral therapist or chiropractor can address this structurally, thereby resolving the behaviour. 4. Meltdowns - when a child is overwhelmed or

when

unexpected

changes

occur,

meltdowns are likely to transpire. Meltdowns are bigger than tantrums and are out of the child’s control. When one has run its course, it is essential to consider the events leading up to it, in order to reduce the frequency of their occurrence. Having a predictable routine and reducing trips to high sensory spaces such as shopping centres, can be incredibly

ALLOCATING A CONSEQUENCE DESIGNED TO DETER REPETITION, RARELY SUCCEEDS.

PROBLEM

BEHAVIOURS ARE DEVELOPMENTAL CLUES IN

DISGUISE

beneficial. When a child feels safe in the world around them, meltdowns dissipate. In reading these four examples, it is easier to recognise that ‘problem’ behaviours in our eyes are developmental clues in disguise. To move forwards, we need to meet our children’s behaviour

with

less

reactivity

and

understanding. We need to consider what is

Editor’s

Choice

TALK WITH YOUR KIDS: ETHICS by Michael Parker

being communicated to us and to plan for how

Have conversations with your children on:

we can support that unmet need.

• Honesty & bullying • Difference in people

Clare Crew has a Master’s Degree in Special

• Acceptance of others

Education & is a Child Development Consultant

• Stealing & telling lies

with qualifications in early childhood, special

• Other things that really matter

education teaching & certification in the field of neuro-development. Her business, Thrive

Paperback Published 2014

Education and Wellness, lights the path for struggling parents & empowers children to be the best version of themselves. Clare can be contacted though her website. 24 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

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GHG E-BOOKS AVAILABLE NOW N ZO A M A

Be st -s el lin g

eB oo k

HAPPY, HEALTHY KIDS VOL 1 From ‘The Health Specialists’ Series’

Get your copy today at Amazon.com.au or Amazon.com

HAPPY, HEALTHY NUTRITION VOL 2 From ‘The Health Specialists’ Series’

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FITNESS

void A Gymtimidation Words Kat Millar

gym doing some weight training and I look around and count at least

40 guys working out and only 2 other women – both of whom are doing cardio. Having a 3:40 ratio of women to men in the gym is nothing new, it’s been happening for many decades. I often ponder the potential reasons for this skewed ratio.

GHG Disclaimer – please read

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’s 8pm on a Friday night. I’m in the

Design Oleksandra Zuieva

I might think that it’s because women are at home with the kids while the men are out having guy time, or that men want to pump up their muscles before a night out, or I may assume that it’s because women don’t like to weight train at the level that men do. While these could be true - I know from many conversations with female clients and friends, that many have suffered from the SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 27

IT’S NOT NECESSARILY THAT WOMEN DON’T WANT TO

WEIGHT TRAIN.

Do you ever wander past the weights area of a gym and see red-faced men pumping their muscles ‘til they look like they’re going to pop and hear the clanging boom of Olympic bars being dropped and think, ‘I don’t think I’ll venture into the weights area today’? If so, you’re not alone.

SOME WOMEN DON’T LIKE THE FEELING OF BEING IN A WEIGHTS AREA CROWDED

WITH MEN.

So, why is it? I put the question out there to my Facebook friends: ‘Why do you think women don’t go into the weights area as much as men?’ The three main reasons came back: 1. Feeling uncomfortable 2. Fear of being looked at, judged or stared at 3. Intimidation 28 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

.................................................................................................................................

disease of ‘gymtimidation’.

How do you avoid the uncomfortable feeling of being one of the few, if not the only female in the weights area? As a regular gym-goer, who has spent over 20 years training consistently in various weights areas of gyms around the world, I’ve discovered a few things that have helped me feel at home in gyms. Here are my top three tips: 1. Realise that most men are concerned with THEMSELVES: Most guys in the gym LOVE weight training. They are wired at a primal level to love it. Men have 12-16 times the testosterone as females and most of them feel a need to lift and chuck around heavy objects, to simply feel their own power and strength. Nothing wrong with that; I think it’s healthy and a wonderful way to release stress (for them as well as us). Occasionally, they might glance up if some female walks by, but most are there to train; they don’t have time to pay too much attention to what girls are doing (unless wearing a very low top, tiny shorts and deadlifting right in front of them). There are, of course, exceptions to this, but I’ve found that in most cases, men want a pump more than a gape. Most of them push themselves like crazy and I find it a great place to pick up extra inspiration to push out those last few painful reps. For this GHG Disclaimer – please read

motivating. 2. If you’re not sure what you’re doing, ask for help: Unless you’re at a gym with no staff, there are generally staff members that are happy to help you if you simply ask. Most staff members welcome the break. In my 13 years as a Personal Trainer, I’ve never once resented anyone asking me how to use equipment. Unless a PT is training a client, most of the time they love to give advice. Also, educate yourself, by doing some research on how to use different equipment. Ideally, get an exercise professional to check your technique to ensure you are moving safely

....................................................................

reason, I LIKE training with the boys. I find it

your safe zone. And one of the best benefits is a feeling of inner strength and confidence that comes from overcoming your fears.

Go Girl, Go! Kat Millar owns Get Results Training, dedicated to helping people transform their health, mind & body. Since 2003, Kat has helped thousands of people achieve their goals. She’s a coach, speaker, award-winning figure competitor, fitness lecturer & NLP practitioner. Her passion helps people achieve life-changing results & fulfillment, with a range of programs for holistic health & body transformation. Contact via Kat’s website or Facebook

and effectively. 3. Choose to be present with yourself and your own workout:

Editor’s

Choice

Ultimately, there are so many positive outcomes to resistance training, that it’s not worth giving up, especially over some of the ‘exceptions to the rules’ types of guys in the gym. It helps to

STRONG

by Lou Schuler & Alwyn Cosgrove

follow a program or have a clear plan, as well

Female athletes are hungry for real fitness.

as a few tricks up your sleeve if the equipment

Nine Workout Programs for Women:

is being used. Create a playlist of your favourite songs, pop your earphones and get stuck in. If at any point you feel intimidated, you can

• to burn Fat • to boost Metabolism

always move away. Remember: no one can

• t o build Strength for Life

make you feel uncomfortable without your

• three-phase training program

permission.

• over 100 exercises

It’s not worth surrendering the wonderful

Hardcover

benefits, such as increased strength, metabolism, muscle tone, bone density and fat loss, to stay in GHG Disclaimer – please read

Published 2016

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ilates: P Five Points to Know Words Michael Dermansky

Design Oleksandra Zuieva

ilates is very popular form of exercise in the gym, in Pilates studios and physiotherapy clinics, but having instructed Pilates for

the last 13 years, there are a few elements that make the difference between having a mediocre and a great program.

2. Pilates is a great strengthening program: Pilates

just

any

strengthening

program, with all the principles. As in any great strengthening program in the gym, you need to overload the muscles (do something more than they are used to doing) for them to grow and improve. A

WHAT

good instructor will ensure that you are working to your maximum capacity without

MAKES THE

injuring yourself.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A

GOOD OR MEDIOCRE

PROGRAM?

3. A good Pilates program should not be the same all the time: To get the best from your Pilates or any strengthening

program,

the

program

should vary regularly. During everyday life, you do varying activities, which do change depending on your day, your plans and the demands of your life. Your Pilates program should reflect that. The more your program

The following five points are important to

varies, the more motor patterns you learn

know so that you can achieve your goals using

and the more useful your program is to

Pilates.

your life.

1. Core strength is only a small part of

4. Rest is the key to your great program:

Pilates:

Like all strength programs, rest is just as

Core stability is not enough for great body

important as exercise. Your muscles and brain

function. Although working on your core

patterns grow when you rest, not when you

strength, the control of your abdominal

exercise. So, exercising two to three times a

(transversus abdominus) and direct back

week, then resting and allowing your body to

stabilising

adapt and grow, will get the best result from

muscles

(multifidus),

the

principal that should be engaged during all Pilates exercises; it is only the beginning of a good Pilates program. The aim of any

your Pilates program. 5. Specificity is the key:

good Pilates program is to work your core

A generic Pilates program doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t work for

stabilisers as you strengthen all the muscles

anyone. Pilates exercises, just like any exercise

of your legs and arms.

program, should be tailored towards your

GHG Disclaimer â&#x20AC;&#x201C; please read

SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 31

MAKE SURE PILATES MEETS YOUR NEEDS & GOALS. needs alone. Only if the program reflects your goals, your body’s specific injuries or weaknesses, will your program be effective and achieve your desired outcome. Whenever you start your Pilates program, make sure you speak to your instructor about your goals and needs. Always make sure that the program is targeted to your specific needs.

Editor’s

Choice

POWERFUL LIVING

by Michelle Bridges

Mindset + Exercises + Recipes • Food Power - over 60 recipes • Body Power-18 exercises & 10 workouts

Michael Dermansky is a Senior Physiotherapist

• Mind Power- 40 practical mindset drills

and Managing Director of MD Health Pilates,

• Change your life - your way

with 17 years’ experience of treating clients

Paperback Published 2015

from all walks of life, from 6-year-old children all the way to the age of 92. He can be contacted through his website. 32 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

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GUIDE

ARTICLE INDEX ...........................................

Expert Health Articles

> CLICK HERE

mindset

Part 3

nger A

MANAGEMENT Words Ruane J Lipkie

Design Oleksandra Zuieva

nger is a very common emotion in this fast-moving society. In last month’s

issue

Great

Health

Guide , I discussed the situations that

rough, but I have a plan.’ • ‘If I feel myself getting angry, I’ll know what to do.’

make you angry and identified the body’s warning signs of anger. In this issue, we will investigate strategies to help you manage your anger.

LEARN TO SAY ‘STOP’ TO YOURSELF. 1. CONTROL YOUR THINKING: When you’re angry, your thinking can get exaggerated and irrational. You first need to ask yourself - where is the evidence. It may be your interpretation of something due to your feelings and there is no real evidence to support the negative thought. Try replacing these kinds of thoughts with more useful, rational ones to influence the way you feel. Develop a list of things to say to

During: • Stay calm, relax and breathe easy. Where’s the evidence? • ‘I’m

OK, she/he’s

not

attacking

personally.’ • ‘I can look and act calm.’ After: • ‘I managed that well. I can do this.’; ‘I’m getting better at this.’ • ‘I felt angry, but I didn’t lose my cool.’

AN IMPORTANT

STRATEGY

IN MANAGING ANGER, IS TO CONTROL YOUR

THINKING.

yourself before, during and after situations that may make you angry. Focus on how you are managing the situation rather than what other people should be doing. Psychologists call this type of thinking ‘self-talk’. Before: •

Stop, stop, stop - breathe

• ‘I’ll be able to handle this. It could be 36 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

2. TAKE TIME OUT: If you feel that your anger getting out of control, take time out from a situation or an argument. Try stepping out of the room, or going for a walk. Before you go, remember to make a time to talk about the situation later when everyone involved has calmed down. GHG Disclaimer – please read

A strategy for managing anger is to distract your mind from the situation that is making you angry. Say STOP to yourself and even hold your hand up, count backwards from ten, or focus on a simple task. Do something that gives you pleasure like listening to music, phoning a friend, anything that you enjoy to stop your negative thoughts. 4. USE RELAXATION: Relaxation strategies can reduce the feelings of tension and stress in your body. Practise strategies such as taking long deep breaths. Breathe in for five counts, hold for five and then exhale over five counts. Repeat these steps GHG Disclaimer â&#x20AC;&#x201C; please read

.....................................................................

3. USE A DISTRACTION:

five times while focusing on your breathing, or progressively working around your body and relaxing your muscles as you go.

5. ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING: Assertiveness skills can be learnt through a psychologist who can individualise this for you. These skills ensure that anger is channelled and expressed in clear and respectful ways. Being assertive means being clear with others about what your needs and wants are, feeling okay about asking for them, but respecting the other personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s needs and concerns as well and being prepared to negotiate. Practise saying things in an assertive way. SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 37

MAKING YOU ANGRY: Acknowledge that an issue has made you angry by admitting it to yourself. Sometimes telling someone in a tactful way that you felt angry when they did or said something is more helpful than just acting out the anger. Make sure you think about who you express your anger to and take care that you aren’t just dumping your anger on the people closest to you. Sometimes it can help to write things down. What is happening in your life? How do you feel about the things that are happening?

........................................................

6. TRY TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT IS

what triggers your anger and put strategies in place to better manage your feeling of anger and frustration.

Ruane J. Lipke is a registered Brisbane psychologist & a member of the Australian Psychological Society (MAPS). Ruane’s practice offers psychology and counselling advice including clinical, developmental, emotional, educational & relationship concerns. Visit

‘A Life Logic’. To schedule a consultation to discuss your own journey to success, contact Ruane here.

Writing about these topics can sometimes help give you some distance and perspective and help you understand your feelings. 7. REHEARSING ANGER MANAGEMENT SKILLS: Use your imagination to practise your anger

Editor’s

Choice

management strategies. Imagine yourself in a situation that can set off your anger. Imagine

PEOPLE SKILLS

how you could behave in that situation

How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others & Resolve Conflicts

without getting angry. Try rehearsing some anger management strategies with a friend. Ask them to help you act out a situation where you get angry, so that you can practise other ways to think and behave.

CONCLUSION: Anger is a normal human emotion and

by Dr Robert Bolton

• Use simple assertion techniques • Body language speaks louder than words • De-escalate family disputes & heated arguments • Communicate calmly in stressful situations Paperback Published 2014

everyone experiences it at some point. Acting upon feelings of anger can cause more problems than it solves. It is important to admit that you do get angry at times. Recognise 38 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

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Develop Your

GHG Disclaimer â&#x20AC;&#x201C; please read

side

Words Dr Jenny Brockis

Part 1

reative Design Oleksandra Zuieva SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 39

hen once asked, what he

Let’s go with ‘the use of imagination or original

feared most in life, Ernest

ideas to create something’. Before getting too

Hemingway

bogged down in answering, is there really

answered,

“A

blank piece of paper.”

anything that is truly an original idea? The

Do you ever wish you could tap into your creative side and unleash your more beautiful mind? Were you ever told, as I was as a child, that you just weren’t cut out to be creative or artistic? Part of the problem is that we’ve bought into the brain myth that we are either right brained or left brained and that determines whether you

purpose of our creativity, is to look at our world in new and novel ways, to find hidden patterns and make new connections between previously unrelated phenomena. It differs from innovation, which is the implementation of the creative process. Can creativity be learned?

have even a modicum of creativity available

Yes, yes and yes! Your massively plastic brain

to you or not. But here’s the thing, it is a myth.

is always ready and willing to help you unleash

There is no right brain, left brain competition

your creative side. Like the children’s books

because when it comes to creativity, it involves

that allow them to reveal the hidden image by

whole brain thinking.

‘joining the dots’, opening your mind to access

While the neuroscience of creativity is still young, the creative process is now understood to include many conscious and subconscious processes,

different

brain

regions

and

networks and our emotions. In other words, it’s complex.

your imagination will allow you to discover your creative talents. Creativity requires our attention. Having an interest in a subject leads us through our natural curiosity to seek out more information. This may require more focussed

So what’s stopping us from discovering our

attention to study our chosen topic more

creative side?

deeply and to apply our metacognition, i.e.

Apart from some limiting self-beliefs, fatigue, multitasking,

mentally

overwhelmed

and

insufficient down time, all contribute to our failure to take the time needed to incubate and percolate all those brilliant new ideas. So, what is creativity? Good question and just like asking six different doctors for their diagnosis of a particular problem, you’re likely to get six different answers. 40 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

to think about our thinking. While it may feel counterintuitive to permit yourself to feel slightly bored, this is the perfect environment to stimulate your imagination. This is one place where boredom rules. Try allowing your mind to deliberately wander, to access thoughts buried in your subconscious and seek new patterns from other unrelated ideas. The place to start is to choose the area of creativity you’d like to explore and set sail immediately. Like confidence, inspiration and GHG Disclaimer – please read

creativity arrive through taking action and not being tied to waiting to be be perfect. Even Picasso started by first picking up a paintbrush. We derive great pleasure and satisfaction from our creative efforts big and small. The time to begin is now!

Editor’s

Choice

FUTURE BRAIN by Dr Jenny Brockis

The 12 Keys to Create Your High-Performance Brain. •

Reduce stress & avoid stress-related illnesses

•

Foster healthy thinking habits to boost efficiency

•

Build your expertise with renewed focus & stamina

•

Drive innovation through productive collaboration

•

Help you to get more done with less effort & time

Paperback Published 2015

RRP $25.95 Now $19.95 Booktopia may vary prices from those published. Postage $6.95 per order AUST/NZ

Dr Jenny Brockis is a Medical Practitioner and specialises in the science of high performance thinking. Jenny’s approach to overcoming life’s challenges is based on practical neuroscience which enables people to understand their thoughts and actions leading to effective behavioral change. Jenny is the author of ‘Future Brain - the 12 Keys to Create Your High Performance Brain’ Contact her via website. GHG Disclaimer – please read

DEVELOP YOUR

CREATIVE SIDE &

INNOVATE MORE! SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 41

eadership: ON YOUR MARKS Words Kelly Swingler

Design Oleksandra Zuieva

success, whether we run our own businesses, have a job or are on

the ladder. If we choose to be a stay at home parent, take a career break or volunteer, mindset is what will help us shine and succeed. Why is this so? Let’s start by looking at the two defined categories of mindset, fixed mindset and growth mindset. Many of us are in the growth mindset category, if you think about it we must be, to realise our dreams and achieve our vision. If we are in a fixed mindset, we won’t be open to new opportunities, learning new skills and trying new things, without which we are unlikely to get to the level of success that we desire. When I started my first business, I spoke to many people and heard many stories, both good and bad about what running a business was like. I was told that as a business owner, I would spend at least 80% of my time running the business, instead of doing the work I wanted to do.

.......................................................................................................

positive mindset is vital to achieve

A GROWTH

MINDSET IS ESSENTIAL TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS. At that time, I thought this was ridiculous, but it turned out to be true. My expertise was in people development and coaching. I knew little about finance, marketing, social media, spread-sheets, networking, blogging, writing, IT etc. When I started my business, I had left my well-paid job in London with no savings and no back up plan. I learnt things the hard way and on occasions, probably many occasions, got things wrong. I have wasted time, money and effort trying to learn; some things I have developed well and others not so well. If I had done the sensible thing and saved enough money to get started, identified

Fixed Mindset

Growth Mindset

I’m either good at it, or I’m not

I can learn anything I want to

When I’m frustrated, I give up

When I’m frustrated, I persevere

I don’t like to be challenged

I want to challenge myself

When I fail, I’m no good

When I fail, I learn

Tell me I’m smart

Tell me I try hard

If you succeed, I feel threatened

If you succeed, I’m inspired

My abilities determine everything

My effort and attitude determine everything

GHG Disclaimer – please read

SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 43

people in the first place, this would have helped enormously. If I had a fixed mindset however, no savings and no back up, it is extremely likely that I would be back working in full time employment and not doing what I am doing now. I remember working from home one day, only a couple of months into my new venture and my laptop and printer died. Historically I would have called the IT department, but I longer had an IT department to call. I did the usual technical thing, turned them both off and on 44 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

.........................................................

where I needed support and found the right

again, checked the plugs then left them for a minute, two, five, ten and still nothing. On this day, I felt alone for the first time. I felt alone, isolated and like a complete failure. Who was I to think I knew what I was doing? How dare I think that I was capable enough of running a successful business? Time to start job hunting. I was contemplating giving it all up because of a laptop and a printer. I couldn’t look for a job as my laptop wasn’t working. So, I did the next best thing, I went for a walk. During my walk, I talked myself around. I remembered that I had a business card of an GHG Disclaimer – please read

IT consultant, told myself I was not a failure, I would not be looking for a job because this was now my job, success was the only way forwards. Mindset can be a tricky thing to manage. When we find ourselves feeling stressed or anxious, we move to the primitive part of our brain, our flight or fight response kicks in and we can quickly find ourselves in the space of

................................

THINK POSITIVELY, ACT POSITIVELY INTERACT POSITIVELY. Kelly

Swingler,

Founder

Chrysalis

Consulting is currently undertaking a PhD in Organisational Change and the Courage of Leaders. Kelly has a strong background in HR; having worked in the industry for 18 years, she

is a qualified and accredited Executive Coach and lives in the UK. Kelly can be contacted at Chrysalis consulting.

negative self-talk. To keep us energised, uplifted and happy, we need to think positively, act positively and interact positively, the 3 P’s. They work, if you are in the right mindset and have the right

Editor’s

Choice

frame of mind.

BREAK THROUGH My 5 Top Tips for a positive mindset: • be clear on your vision, do all you can to stay focussed • surround yourself with energy angels – people and tasks that fill you with energy • limit the time you spend with energy vampires – people and tasks that drain you of energy. Ideally you want a ratio of 3:1 angels to vampires • take time out to relax and switch off • remember that being busy is not the same as being productive. GHG Disclaimer – please read

by Marina Go, General Manager of Harper’s Bazaar, ELLE & Cosmopolitan.

With 20 Success Strategies for Female leaders. • empower & inspire • success is the ability to achieve the goals set for yourself • the challenges & triumphs faced • challenges of balancing a career with two sons • equips you with the skills & gives you the confidence required Paperback Published 2016

RRP $32.99 Now $25.50 Booktopia may vary prices from those published. Postage $6.95 per order AUST/NZ

upport S

During Separation Words Charmaine Roth

Design Oleksandra Zuieva

hen people separate, a choice

The best support you can give a friend or

has been made. With any choice,

relative is to travel the emotional rollercoaster

there is a loss - no matter whose

with them until it comes to a stop. This will be

decision it is to leave. The consequence of any

done in their own time and sometimes, as a

loss is grief. The loss is obviously felt greater for

support person, accept that you might be the

those who place more value on what has been

target of anger and frustration. Supporting

lost - the partnership, a parent, family life, the

a friend through the emotional rollercoaster

shared dreams, the shared common language,

of separation is not an easy ride, so here are

the shared future and the shared history. The

some tips to help you:

choice of one person impacts a whole family and the consequences are lifelong.

1. Respect their privacy: They may not feel like talking - just text or email to let them know that you are there - don’t take their withdrawal

YOU ARE FREE TO

personally. People are very vulnerable at this time - just let them know you care and that you are there if needed.

MAKE YOUR CHOICE BUT NOT FREE TO

CHOOSE THE CONSEQUENCES.

2. Listen: For some, the separation can be traumatic and the only way for some to process the trauma is to speak about it. Listen without blaming, answer questions as honestly as you can and if you want to support your friend, tolerate the same discussion repeatedly. It’s part of the process. Unwanted advice such as ‘get over it’ and ‘time to move on’ is not helpful. As stated earlier, this is a grieving process and needs its own time. Keep an eye on your friend’s emotional health

Like any other type of grief, the loss of a marriage is a process that will take time to come to terms with - it is like a death. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her defining work, identified

and if you decide that they need professional help, go with them. Do not give advice unless it is asked for - don’t set yourself up to be able to be blamed for decisions your friend makes.

five stages of grief. They are: denial, anger,

3. Make sure that your friend can trust

bargaining, depression

acceptance.

you: Do not gossip or talk about the situation

These stages and the emotions associated

behind her back. Do not keep secrets - ask

with each stage are not linear - people go

your friend if they want to know about their

backwards and forwards through these stages

spouse and respect the answer. Don’t be the

as part of a grieving process. Separation after

conduit between spouses - leave that to a

marriage is no different.

professional counsellor.

GHG Disclaimer – please read

and

SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 47

be a loss of friends with a separation. This is a very difficult reality. People are not ready to go out without their partners - It takes courage. Whilst your friend is gathering that courage, do the thinking for them. If you are going for a walk invite them along. Meet for a coffee during the day, invite them to your home with other guests you know they will be comfortable with. Also, ask your friend what works for them right now. If there are children involved, arrange playdates. Company always helps. 5. Empower your friend: Right now, your friend has taken a blow to self-esteem. Remind your friend of their strengths. Let them know that you admire how they are dealing with the situation - make sure they are looking after themselves as well as their children - it’s important that they hear positive messages about themselves. 6. Don’t hammer the spouse to make your friend feel better: Your friend is grieving

..................................................................

4. Be the social secretary: There will always

8. Look after yourself: Try not to immerse yourself in someone else’s pain. If you are close to the person this is hard. Practice selfcare - if you need time out give yourself the space that you need - after all if you don’t look after yourself, how can you support another.

Charmaine

Roth

understand it, respect their right to grieve who they have lost - no matter how badly they have been treated. 7. Don’t push someone to do something that they aren’t ready for: Quite often, in a separation, people think that its best if the

experienced

Counsellor Psychotherapist practicing in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs. Through safe, skilled conversation Charmaine works with individuals, couples and families to help them become more aware of behaviors that are no longer working and explore new choices that will improve relationships. For more information, see her website.

Editor’s

Choice

WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS by Jan Yager

because they have lost something that they value and care about. Even if you don’t

How to deal with friends who betray, abandon or wound you. • Friendship – to mend or to end • Find ideal friends • Develop positive relationships • Recognise destructive friends

grieving person starts dating again. Unless

• The e-mail effect – change in friendships

the person is ready, it won’t work. Put your

Paperback Published 2002

own timeline aside and don’t place undue pressure on others to do what you think should be done - it is not your life. 48 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

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Relationships

ove is

Not a Choice Words Dr Matthew Anderson interviews Dianna & Michael

Design Oleksandra Zuieva

NOTE TO READER: This article is an interview with an actual couple who are deeply in love. The names are changed to protect their privacy but the information is exactly as they shared it. Their relationship is the best of any couple I have ever encountered in my 45 years as a relationship coach. GHG Disclaimer â&#x20AC;&#x201C; please read

SUBSCRIBE to GHG | 51

Michael, what do you think about this idea that love is not a choice? You both have been in love for quite a while. Did you choose to fall in love?’ Dianna gives Michael a playful dig in his ribs and tells him to begin the conversation. Michael: ‘OK, I know you think I have lots of opinions about this one. You are right, Honey and I always like it when you are right’. (He smiles). ‘So here goes. I am completely convinced that romantic love, falling in love with someone, the head-over-heels variety, is no more a choice for us human beings, than our skin color. When it comes to this sort of love we are powerless. In fact, powerlessness is a basic part of the deal. This sort of powerlessness is a form of freedom.’

FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE

BRINGS

A FORM OF

FREEDOM

..................................................................................................

Dr. Anderson’s questions: ‘Dianna and

us the opportunity to drop out of the power game and allow our hearts to drive the bus. Once we do that, the ride is pretty incredible. It has been that for us and I think it is for lots of other couples who surrender to love. What do you think, Sweetheart?’ Dianna pauses to clear her thoughts and shares. Dianna: ‘Honey, just to make a brief aside, I love it that you really do like when I am right. I know you are not joking about that and that is so great. OK, now about falling in love. Yes, it is not a choice. When I fell for you, it was nothing like choosing a TV set or anything else that involves options. It was BANG! And BOOM! And you were so far into my heart I could not imagine ever getting you out, even if I wanted to and I have never wanted that, even for a moment.’ Dianna continues: ‘I do know what you mean about surrender but the feeling I have is not what I imagined surrender would be like. I always thought of surrender as a kind of giving up, like in war. But this is not war, this is love and it is another form of surrender. It is sweet and easy and tender and sort of like easing down into a hot bubble bath at the end of a hard day. Loving you is so good for me, I would be crazy

‘We don’t have to think about

to resist it. And, Honey, I think

it, measure it, analyze it or

you feel the same way. Could

make a stupid pros and cons

you say a little more about

list. It is - and we are - and that

this idea of powerlessness? I

is that. Done deal. That gives

think that is important.’

52 | SUBSCRIBE to GHG

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LOVE

ALWAYS

INVOLVES TRUST continues. Michael: ‘Powerlessness can be very scary to many people. We tend to think it means being out of control, like trying to drive a car, that suddenly loses its brakes. But it is not like that. The powerlessness of romantic love is a good thing. It means that we can let go and enjoy

................................

Michael nods his head in agreement and

Reverend Matthew Anderson has a Doctor of Ministry specialising in counselling and has extensive training and experience in Gestalt and Jungian Psychology. He has helped many couples and singles successfully navigate relationship issues. His has a best-selling book, The Resurrection of Romance. Matthew may be contacted through his website.

the ride because love is at the wheel. Yes, it does involve some trust but trusting in love is what this is all about. Once love shows up, I think the best thing to do is to let go and let it drive the bus.’ Dr Anderson’s conclusion: ‘OK, it seems that you both agree that you did not choose to fall in love. However, you made some very meaningful points that once in love,

Editor’s

Choice

THE TRUTH ABOUT LOVE by Dr Patricia Love

The Highs, the Lows & How You Can Make It Last Forever

it is important to surrender to romantic

Love has normal, predictable stages:

love and allow that love to direct your

• Infatuation; Post-rapture

lives together. Powerlessness does not

• Discovery & clarifying roles

have to be a scary thing, but can become

• Defining love; Building trust

part of the daily experience of being fully

• F orging a friendship; Providing support

in love with one’s partner. Thanks so much,

Paperback Published 2001

Dianna and Michael, for your openness and honesty.’ GHG Disclaimer – please read

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‘Thoughts Become Things... Choose The Good Ones!’ – Mike Dooley

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