38 Scene
AT HOME
WITH MICHAEL HOOTMAN ) ISHIRO HONDA DOUBLE FEATURE (Eureka! Blu-ray). The auteur of Mothra is the undisputed master of 1950s/60s Japanese science fiction. These movies have the virtues you’d expect from the director: clear and simple plotting, charming use of models which, although unconvincing, paradoxically convey the essence of destruction better than the slickest CGI and great Scope photography. They’re basically kids’ films but done with enough panache they’ll delight any adult who’s not expecting another Solaris. The H Man has a mysterious radioactive liquid dissolving people into slimy, sentient, seemingly indestructible blobs. Part-Japanese gangster noir, part-gooey body melting horror, the film is one of the most unique sci-fi films of the 1950s. Battle in Outer Space begins with a series of mysterious catastrophes sweeping the globe, causing the world’s scientists to conclude that beings from another planet are attacking Earth, and the world must unite to defend itself in a gigantic space battle. Extras include audio commentary by Japanese sci-fi historians, stills galleries and a collector’s booklet.
) MARLENE DIETRICH AT UNIVERSAL 19401942 (BFI Blu-ray). These four films are great examples of a certain type of Hollywood moonshine full of glamour, action and comedy. They’re supremely entertaining yet
the modern audience’s awareness that we’re watching a 1940s black and white picture starring Marlene Dietrich adds an agreeable veneer of camp to the proceedings. Dietrich is amazing and effortlessly dominates each frame she’s in. Is she a good actor? Does it matter? Well, not really. Her range may have been somewhat limited but her charisma is so well-suited to the material it beats any amount of Method-inspired genius. The Flame of New Orleans is the best, a charming confection in which Marlene has to decide whether to marry for love or money while playing (none too convincingly it has to be said) a pretend wayward cousin. The Spoilers is a gold-rush Western where Dietrich falls in love with good-guy John Wayne and helps him foil a corrupt judge and thieving Randolph Scott. Seven Sinners has a definite Casablanca vibe to it: a group of ne’er do wells and scofflaws try to make ends meet in some foreign port. Bijou (Dietrich) is a torch singer going from one South Seas island to the next, leaving a trail of broken hearts and destroyed drinking premises in her wake. There’s some great songs including I Can’t Give You Anything But Love plus we get to
see Dietrich in drag singing The Man’s in the Navy which any queer theorist worth their salt would be able to use as the subject for a decent monograph. Pittsburgh comes in last, a WW2 piece of propaganda mixed up with a morality tale in which John Wayne sees the flaws in individualism and ends up a teensyweensy bit socialist. ) JOHN DILLERMAND. Being single, and therefore having romantic encounters is illegal during lockdown, I’ve taken the advice of various agony aunts (and uncles!) and have decided to watch more adult entertainment. I was certainly intrigued that the latest star in the erotic film firmament was a man with a twelve-foot retractable penis. After lighting the scented candles and cracking open a box of ultrasoft scented Kleenex, I was slightly disappointed to find that Mr Dillermand is actually a cartoon character. However, I soon remembered the Hootman family motto (‘beggars can’t be choosers’) and thought I’d better see this out to the bitter end. The first slight problem I encountered was that the series of adventures our hero stars in are made in Danish and I couldn’t find any subtitles – but as he would presumably be speaking the universal language of love I didn’t think it would make much difference. His first erotic encounter involves lighting a barbeque which led to some mild penis burns. Perhaps a bit too S&M for my tastes but I persevered. Some dogs now entered the fray but luckily the director didn’t go where I feared he might. Instead our hero merely walks the animals down the
street which wasn’t really that erotic. They then escape and Dillermand captures them by tempting them onto a moving truck by holding a sausage with the end of his nob. Again, not that arousing. He then lights another barbeque using his penis. And that’s it, really. I know the film makers were trying to introduce us to the character, but I’m hoping episode 2 will be slightly saucier. Editor’s note: John Dillermand is a Danish animated series aimed at children. Scene apologises for the writer’s confusion.
