after time traveling, and blushing bright pink. Robert tossed a pair of pants that he had thrown over the couch at him, turning away politely. “Ahem, as I was saying, I’ve come to save the world from the most vicious creatures of all--” “Humans,” Robert finished sagely, already entertaining the idea of making a fiction book where he faced off with his evil future self to save all of humanity.
“Cats,” NRBMWLLH corrected with a visceral shudder. At Robert’s look of confusion, he shook his head. “Look, I don’t have much time. We don’t have much time. I can only stay in this timestamp for thirty minutes before I’m going to be recalled back to my time, and they’re already preparing to launch their first massive attack. Come on,” he said urgently, slipping on Robert’s sandals by the door and stepping outside. Robert followed in his slippers, confused. Robert had never owned a cat, never been interested in having any pets, really. It just wasn’t his jam. Nobody was outside at 3:30 AM, fortunately, but Robert was still decidedly uncomfortable as he followed his future self. “Attack? What exactly happened?” he asked with a frown, not entirely believing this whole spiel but also believing that yes, this man had defied the laws of physics to randomly appear naked in his living room in a Twilight Zone-esque show. NRBMWLLH glanced at him, and Robert found himself enraptured by his face. It wasn’t his fault that his future self had apparently shaped Robert into 58
the ideal gay man of his dreams. Which was strange, but Robert wasn’t complaining. It wasn’t like he looked at his face often, after all, so in a way, it was like meeting a new person’s face. He was also just creating excuses for being attracted to a version of himself. “They struck in the dead of night when only Waffle House and gas stations were awake. They emerged from the sewers like a wave of rats but in packs like dogs, brutally tearing apart anything they came across. Their claws could pierce metal, their intelligence could solve quadratics, and they seemed to know everything. We tried to fight back, but then they became resistant to our catnip laden weapons and it was all over.” Robert raised an eyebrow. That did seem rather terrible, but pretty outlandish, even for Robert, who had a rather popular account on Info Wars. Before he could say anything, however, NRBMWLLH suddenly held up a fist. Robert froze, nervousness suddenly pouring ice in his veins as his future self ’s demeanor instantly changed from nerd to hardened soldier. “There,” NRBMWLLH whispered, pointing a finger at the dark figure of a cat rushing across the street. “It’s no use sneaking up. They have better senses. It probably already knows we’re here. Follow me, but let me do the talking. Whatever you do, keep in mind that they’re highly dangerous beings that can kill you before you even blink.” They approached slowly. The cat had sat down under an orange streetlight, idly grooming itself but looking at them warily. It was a fluffy cat with bright green eyes, and Robert fought the urge to try and call it over to pet.
