She Rocs May/June 2017

MAY/JUNE 2017

POWERFUL & POSITIVE

DEBUT ISSUE!

Dr. Amy Jerum brings humor and compassion to her job, at home and at work

INSIDE:

• A moving memoir from Writers & Books • Yelp restaurant reviews • Tips for getting fit over 50 • Yes, “you’re worth it” • New columns features She Rocs and May/June 2017 1

67

May/June 2017

RocParent.com

WRITERS IN THIS ISSUE BREANNA BANFORD is the Yelp Rochester community director. She brings the online community offline, connecting people to great local businesses through collaborative events and marketing partnerships. As a Rochester native, Breanna lives, breathes, and eats for this city. When she’s not hosting events for the Yelp community, you’ll almost always find her with rosé in one hand and french fries in the other.

MEAMI CRAIG, PH.D. holds a master’s degree in counseling psychology and human development from Harvard University and a doctorate in psychology. A long-time media personality, she gave advice for 20 years on WARM 101.3 and was a popular columnist and blogger with weekly newspapers and The Democrat and Chronicle, focusing on relationships and family. She is currently writing a book and hosts a weekly radio show on WYSL 1040 AM and 92.1 AM (and online) titled “Change Your Life with Meami Craig” from 6:30 to 7 p.m. every Wednesday. You may ask Meami questions for her She Rocs column or radio show via (585) 432 1010 or changeyourlifeservices.com.

ELIZABETH CRONY is a woman of action, whether executing a marketing plan or mastering the de-cluttering and cleaning of a house. With a degree and background in fashion and merchandising, she is a founding member of Femfessionals Rochester and former president of Blacktie Colorado. She is a happily married mom of two young girls.

NADIA GHENT is a writer with a deep background in music. After majoring in English at Brown University, she earned a master’s degree in Violin Performance from the Manhattan School of Music. A move from Southern California brought her to the Greater Rochester area in 2012. She has been a guest blogger for Prufrock’s Dilemma and Assay: A Journal of Nonfiction Studies and is a 2017 cast member of “Listen To Your Mother Rochester.” Her work will be forthcoming this May in Necessary Fiction. She is currently working on a collection of short stories and a lyric memoir.

MARCIA MORPHY was raised on a steady diet of fairy tales so it’s understandable that she would make a living by writing about life and the world around her — while trying to help others understand it. She surrounds herself with chocolate and coffee while repelling cats off her keyboard to secretly write stories that escape her own reality. She adores her children, Jaime and Matt and daughter-in-law Kyla and is blessed with two adorable grandchildren, Brennen and Bryce, who rejoice in Nana’s enthusiasm for Halloween.

After a more than 30-year career in community journalism, LINDA QUINLAN likes to say she is “semi”-retired.

She is now a freelance writer, serves more than one cause as a volunteer, is a caregiver for her mother, and a proud grandmother. She is married, has three grown children, a granddaughter, a cat, and a dog. When not writing, she likes to read and garden.

DANTE WORTH is a successful mentor and author based in Rochester who released his book Free to Be Me in 2014. He has studied PR and communications at SUNY Brockport. In the community he has organized and hosted motivational seminars, the Black Authors Expo, and three installments of ROC Mastery Writing Seminars.

Each spring he hosts the Audacious Believer’s Ultimate Women’s Conference, where he brings together women and men to enable, empower, and inspire them to live life with a victorious freedom.

CONTENTS FEATURES

65 61 59

Cover Story Meet Dr. Amy Jerum “A Hunger Like Longing” Non-Fiction/ Lyric Memoir

by Nadia Ghent

You’re Worth It Finding the right fit at Embrasse Moi

58 57 51

Help From Yelp Brunch reviews for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day — or any day Fit Over 50 It’s never too late to get started A Chance Meeting An essay by Salley Thornton

ALSO INSIDE 63 The Audacious Believer Column by Dante Worth 54 Keep Calm and Call Dr. Meami Column by Meami Craig 53 The Organized Clutterbug Column

by Elizabeth Crony Rachel Janay, at left, and Yasenia Reed enjoy an afternoon of “audacious believing” during a conference hosted

by Dante Worth, which was designed to empower women. PROVIDED PHOTO

ON THE COVER

Amy Jerum, DNP, CPNP-PC, PMHS, is a pediatric primary care provider and mother of three boys. She gets asked a lot of questions about healthcare and parenting and now she’s sharing her answers with Roc Parent readers.

She Rocs

May/June 2017

66

COVER STORY

She helps us care for our kids with humor and compassion and assures us therapy is “normal”

By SALLEY THORNTON It’s often lamented that being a parent is one of the most challenging jobs that doesn’t come with a manual.

There’s no training required to become a parent but much needed to be a parent.

Especially with your first child, the questions can seem overwhelming. Perhaps the most common heard by medical professionals: “Is this normal (behavior, thought, cough, rash, pain)?”

Keeping us sane through the rollercoaster ride of parenting are the professionals who help us take care of our kids. Like us, they have funny stories to share, coupled with wisdom and reassurance that it all really will be OK. As a mom of three young boys, Dr. Amy Jerum is no stranger to the physical, mental, and emotional curveballs of raising a family. Jerum, a DNP (Doctor of Nursing Practice), will be a regularly featured columnist in this publication.

She’s found that within the traditional medical office setting at Panorama Pediatric Group she can help provide early intervention in areas PHOTO BY RENEE VENISKEY

65

May/June 2017

RocParent.com

that often carry a stigma like anxiety, depression, and other behavioral and mental health concerns.

Her philosophy is to help teach children coping skills, help them add tools to their toolboxes, and prevent problems from deteriorating.

Here is Jerum’s take on a variety of topics she encounters daily with her patients and families: COUNSELING: Therapy is normal for kids ages 12 to 20. The children are usually OK with it, but often parents need to wrap their heads around the idea. Part of being a great parent is knowing your child could benefit from someone else’s counsel.

Not because you’ve failed your child as a parent. But because you do care. They have trainers and coaches for sports, tutors for homework. I hope to normalize therapy to be comfortable for all parties.

IT STARTS WITH LISTENING: I try

to help my patients talk about issues in a basic way and give light feedback so they can be thoughtful in their own feelings.

Sometimes it’s easier to start the process in a typical doctor’s office setting, but then I can also open the door to the idea there are others out there who can help.

TRANSITIONING HEALTH CARE: As my patients hit their mid-teens, I often ask parents to step out of the room. I’m helping the kids prepare to be their own health care advocates. In college they will need to call health services when they have a sore throat, explain their symptoms, and get a prescription filled.

FRUSTRATING CLOTHING CHOICES: (Specifically, children who insist on wearing shorts/miniskirts in the winter, or heavy sweaters in the middle of summer.) You don’t really get a cold when you’re cold.

You get uncomfortable. Discomfort can be a powerful learning experience. As they

get older you’re faced with “I don’t want to say I told you so, but. …” Experience is the best teacher. On the other hand, our job is to keep our kids safe and sometimes we overdo it. Many times the clothing issue is more about who is going to win — especially after we’ve already said “no” to something. Instead, try asking yourself why you are saying “no.”

KIDS BEING ADORABLE: I once got a marriage proposal from one of my young patients.

FAVORITE MEMORY: A mom who was concerned about her son storing his peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the waistband of his pants each day. It was wrapped in foil so I wasn’t worried about germs. But mom thought it was totally odd. I asked the little boy why he did it.

He replied, deadpan, “I like my sandwich warm.” I couldn’t argue with that logic.

Choose your battles.

“Part of being a great parent is knowing your child could benefit from someone else’s counsel. Not because you’ve failed your child as a parent. But because you do care.”

She Rocs

May/June 2017

64

Why are you so busy?

5 Tips for Success: How to seize the day and be more productive Do you always seem to be busy yet not able get everything (or anything) done? Some of us are just busy being busy — we are so busy we may not realize what we’re busy doing all day. So, how do we channel this busyness into effectiveness? Here are five tips for success I learned while prioritizing my time for productivity while writing my book Free to Be Me: I Am Not My Issues.

1

Taking time to meditate on what you’re busy doing will help you reduce the clutter in your schedule and live a more enlightened life. This is the step where you simply list everything that needs to be done (some of us may run out of paper), but it’s a designated time for prioritizing. Do this every morning: take 15 minutes to be still, sip your favorite drink, and create a prioritized list of what needs to be done (realistically can be done) that day. This moment of reflection is not only good for organizing but it also helps you to kick start your day with a clear mindset and a plan.

2

Assess how you feel about your busy schedule Do the activities on your schedule motivate you or discourage you? Remember, you are the MASTER OF YOUR OWN SCHEDULE. Even with set events and family and work obligations it’s important to be aware of what you’re doing and how those activities make you feel.

6 63

4

Evaluate what you’re busy doing

May/June 2017

RocParent.com

Schedule your pleasure

Give yourself a break. You deserve it! Take time to do something that you really enjoy and not just what you “have” to do. Take a walk, grab some ice cream, see a play. I personally love to invest in a day at the spa to allow my mind to relax and recuperate. It’s okay to have some fun and to relax. It helps you reignite your Rachel Janay, left, and Yasenia Reed enjoy an afternoon strength and passion and of “audacious believing” during a conference hosted by will enrich your life.

Dante Worth. They took time to “schedule their pleasure” with a focus on having fun and getting inspired.

PROVIDED PHOTO

3

Value your time and learn how to say “No”

When people take your time, they are taking something from you that is irreplaceable. People will drain you of your time, talent, and treasure if you let them. When you say “yes” to others, make sure you’re not saying “no” to yourself.

There are a lot of things people can take from you that can be replaced, even your car or your phone. But your time cannot be replaced, if you make time for others over time for yourself — such as having coffee so others can “pick your brain” or serving on a committee for which you do not have passion or time. Being kind and volunteering is important, but your sanity must come first.

5

Don’t watch the clock — watch what the clock does and keep going!

Life offers us another opportunity to get everything done we didn’t get done today — and it’s called tomorrow.

Don’t stress yourself out over things you didn’t complete or have the power to change.

Breathe and start fresh the next day.

She Rocs

May/June 2017

62

Non-Ficton/Lyric Memoir

Each issue of She Rocs will feature a short story or essay written by a student or faculty member of Rochester’s awardwinning Writers & Books.

By NADIA GHENT That summer before my mother lost her mind for the first time, I started to learn a violin concerto.

An abridged version, a simplified reduction, a student concerto, nevertheless impressive, if only to me. In the style of Antonio Vivaldi by Ferdinand Kuchler, suitable for the kind of 10-year old that I was, dreamy, silent, impractical.

I would be just like my mother, a child prodigy, next the Mendelssohn Concerto, next my debut in Carnegie Hall. I had progressed well through the elementary books of Tune-A-Day despite my fearfulness to learn new things. A tentative technique, a little shaky on the note-naming.

I didn’t like to practice. But my teacher had confidence in me, hoped that this would make me want to practice more.

Something to keep me occupied while things began to unravel. The comparison with my mother was inevitable.

Every violin lesson would begin with tuning the strings, the pure sound of the note “A” vibrating 440 times a second.

Waves of invisible sound that would undulate in a frequency I could feel.

My mother could tune my violin without a tuning fork because she had perfect pitch. Perfect pitch, and other things, can run in families. And then you place the bow on the A and D strings at the same time and listen for the interval of the fifth, the relationship of vibrations, the way the two pitches fit together into resonance. Notes, like people, embracing each other.

I would try to practice in the silent afternoons after school ended in June. The hours of women and children tethered to home, but now I was home by myself. My mother was out; my two younger sisters were at the playground, enjoying Good Humor bars, splashing in the sprinklers.

My stepfather, at work, always 61

May/June 2017

RocParent.com

at work. All the windows in our apartment were open, curtains blowing in the cool wind that came off the Hudson, boys outside playing baseball in the street.

Nobody to tune my violin.

There was something about the words “violin concerto” that made me think of loneliness, that thin sound I made on the violin like being by myself in a forest.

Find me, I’m lost. The way you stand before the music looking for a path, for the way in. How do you read a language that is made up only of circles and lines?

That creamy yellow cover with “Schirmer’s Music Library” on the front, holding in all those notes I still didn’t know the names of.

I thought that libraries of music were like books on shelves beyond my reach. I wasn’t a skilled sight-reader the way my mother could play anything in any key, in any clef.

We went to the country in August, the heat shimmering off the lake and air as still as rocks. A summer rental in New Hampshire, mothball smells in the closets, fraying bedspreads, a creaky screen door. We drove up from the city, a U-Haul attached to the car with all our suitcases.

My stepfather would take the train back to the city, would return every weekend.

My mother was very quiet during the trip.

I brought my violin, but hardly practiced. There were blackberries in the brambles down the hill that I liked to pick, my fingers sticky and slit by thorns.

This was my vacation: books to read, daydreaming, afternoon swims, and the quiet shame of the silent violin.

My mother was depleted that August, withdrawn, her face fixed with absence.

The least exertion a wall of impossibility.

She smoked Salems, packs at a time, sat in the living room with the curtains drawn, the heat of the day

billowing in from the outside. Always sitting, always immobile, while we played in the meadows and swam in the lake.

During the week, my sisters and I had Pop-Tarts for dinner and milk that was going sour. She could never get the shopping done. I was the oldest, adept at being bossy, sanctimonious. I liked to pretend that I was in charge. They never listened to me.

My sisters ran around like wild children, barefoot, faces dirty, hair tangled, the wildness of no rules and no bedtime, like Peter Pan and the Lost Boys, except they were girls.

“We’re not really sisters, “ one sister will say to me. “He’s not your father. He doesn’t love you the way he loves me.”

My family, connected by the thinnest of filaments.

My stepfather would appear on Fridays, walking in from the train station after a week of work, his jacket slung over his shoulder, sweat stains under the arms of his button-down shirt. He called it “New Hampster” as if everything in life was a silly joke, but we laughed when he said it, my sisters climbing on him like monkeys.

Did he really not love me? He would bring us fruit in a splotched paper bag, cherries, plums, or peaches, the fruit hot from the train trip, most of it bruised.

We had cookouts on Saturdays. He’d use lighter fluid, sparks from the grill rising into the evening sky. He always burned the hot dogs. We ate on paper plates that went limp with ketchup and hamburger grease. Nobody had to do the dishes.

When it got dark, my mother and stepfather sat outside. I could hear only murmuring between them,

couldn’t hear words, and from my bedroom window upstairs I watched the tip of my mother’s cigarette, a small red glow in the darkness, shaping the air in extravagant gestures. My mother, talking with her hands, but I couldn’t see them move.

“She’s unhappy,” my stepfather said one Sunday morning, making pancakes from a box of pancake mix. My mother, inside, now staying in bed. My sisters, outside, hunting for frogs.

“Your grandfather’s death.

The killings at Kent State. The war.” As if reasons were enough to explain.

“I should have taken that rental in Cape Cod,” he went on. “She likes the beach so much more.” As if words could fill in for her absence.

He poured the batter onto the griddle.

Silence drifted between us. I set out the forks and knives. The obvious was not mentioned: he will leave her, he doesn’t love her.

“But she’ll get over it,” he said. “Be a good helper.” He flipped the pancakes, burning the last one. My sisters rushed in, the screen door banging shut.

“Yeah, O.K. I will, dad.” I put the plates on the table. Naming my stepfather “dad,” feeling the shape of that word in my mouth, a hunger like longing. We ate. What was left over was set out for the birds.

We would walk him back to the train station on Sunday afternoons, my sisters and I, the road into town dusty and hot. He would give each of us a dollar to get soft-serve at the Tasti-Freeze for the walk home.

When the train arrived, and he went back to the city, another week had passed. I thought that if I could start to practice again, every day, if I could learn to translate those notes into music, I would find out where my mother had gone.

She Rocs magazine is collaborating with Writers & Books to share a short story or essay in every issue, written by students or instructors. Writers & Books is a nonprofit literary center based in Rochester that fosters and promotes reading and writing as lifelong activities.

The programs are numerous and varied, reaching more than 25,000 people per year. Learn more at wab.org

She Rocs

May/June 2017

60

Makenna Moriarty personally assists customers at Embrasse Moi, which is located at the four corners of Pittsford village.

By SALLEY THORNTON Thinking back to our first bra, as a pre-teen, it wasn’t exactly necessary, but it marked an exciting rite of passage.

As women, we recall our most comfortable bra, retired only after hooks bend, elastic quits, and color fades.

Then comes our first beautiful bra, not only making us look terrific in the clothes we are wearing but is a statement all its own.

And lastly, and maybe most importantly, our most supportive bra, keeping things where they once were or where we want them to be.

How amazing when all three come together for a bra that not only fits perfectly, feels terrific, is high quality, does its job, and looks like a million bucks.

“It’s all about having the right fit, and nine out of 10 women we see here don’t,” said Felicia Prindle, bra-fitting specialist at Embrasse Moi in the village of Pittsford.

Working at a lingerie shop in Italy honed Prindle’s ability to quickly assess and appropriately size women in undergarments that flatter and support.

Julie Levine, mom of four ranging in age from 3 to 15, was finally taking time to swap out her old maternity and nursing bras and couldn’t believe the change

she felt in more than just her appearance.

“My gait is different,” she said. “It’s like my breasts are now a part of me. And unlike the bra I just took off, this one is beautiful. I’m going to wear it out of the store!”

And with today’s fashion, your investment doesn’t have to be hidden if you’re willing to be a bit daring.

“The trend now is to let a little bit of your lingerie peak out, and let the beauty of your bra show,” said Embrasse Moi’s Amanda Renner, a bra-fitting specialist, who noted a lacy bra can show through a sheer material or the details of a strap can be seen with a sleeveless top.

“Or, undo one more button to slightly show off the top edge of your bra when you move,” she said. “It’s all the rage in European fashion.”

IF THE BRA FITS: SHARES

The team at Embrasse Moi share these tips with their customers regarding purchasing and caring for your bras:

We’re with the band

In regard to fit and support, 90 percent should come from the band around your ribcage, not the straps — if a strap slips down, it shouldn’t affect your support. Hey, this is a plus … no more shoulder dents at day’s end!

We have to handle these things delicately

Hand wash in delicate soap, shape, and lay flat to air dry.

No need to wash after every use, which will also prolong the life of your investment.

Felicia Prindle at Embrasse Moi hosts a private lingerie party.

PHOTOS BY DRESDEN ENGLE

59

May/June 2017

RocParent.com

Flat is where it’s at (storage, that is)

To keep their shape, bras should also be stored flat … not folded over with cups inverted into one another.

help from

Where to munch and brunch on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

It’s time to ponder how to celebrate your parents and your spouse this Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Helping to guide us to some of Rochester’s best brunches are Breanna Banford, Yelp’s Rochester community manager, and her Yelp reviewers, as posted on yelp.com. Read their recommendations and then make those reservations.

ButaPub

Erie Grill

Historic German House 315 Gregory St., Rochester (585) 563-6241 | butapub.com

Del Monte Lodge 41 N. Main St., Pittsford (585) 419-3032 | eriegrill.com

“A great brunch place that’s well worth the visit. We always try to go somewhere new and Butapub was a refreshing change to the normal breakfast fare.”

— Brent A.

“If you’re looking for something upscale, but relaxed ... the Erie Grill is a palatable option.

Excellent service. Would be a good place for a special occasion.”

— Hope C.

Roux 688 Park Ave., Rochester (585) 461-2960 | rouxparkave.com

“We opted to sit outside (in) the crisp late morning air. ... My drink of choice was the mimosa special.”

— Kim B.

The Mad Hatter Restaurant & Bakery 176 S. Goodman St., Rochester (585) 545-4985 madhatterrochester.com

“The menu has a variety of benedicts (the Hatters was fantastic) and other delicious brunch staples (you won’t be disappointed with the challah french toast).”

— Samantha B.

Tea, toast, and frittata at The Mad Hatter Restaurant & Bakery, located next door to ParkLeigh, at the corner of Goodman Street and Park Avenue. PHOTO POSTED TO YELP MARCH 16, 2017 BY ANDREW P.

Brown Hound Downtown Memorial Art Gallery 500 University Ave., Rochester (585) 506-9725 brownhoundbistro.com

“The location inside of the MAG is beautiful and nice and quiet. … My friends and I enjoyed a really great meal for a great price. I ordered the stuffed french toast with a side of hash browns.”

— Danielle S.

Owl House 75 Marshall St., Rochester (585) 360-2920 owlhouserochester.com

“It has options for all dietary needs. You can order vegan or gluten-free, and if you want meat, you can get that too.”

— Nicole M.

TRATA Culver Road Armory 145 Culver Road, Rochester (585) 270-5460 | tratarochester.com

“We had coffee to start, which was excellent and snacked on the bread basket ... with their freshly made carrot cake jam. For brunch, I had the eggs benedict.”

— Noelle L. She Rocs

May/June 2017

58

FIT OVER 50 It’s never too late to get started

By LINDA QUINLAN So, you’re over 50 and find you have a little — or quite a bit — of extra time.

Your career may be on track, perhaps your children are grown or off to college, or maybe you’ve been affected by some corporate downsizing.

Perhaps that extra time may mean it is time to focus on you — taking off those extra pounds and, generally, just feeling better and getting healthier.

I’ve been working at it myself, and have been inspired by many I have met along the way.

A year before she retired, after 40 years at Kodak, Grace Buck started taking a couple of exercise classes with one of her girlfriends.

When her husband passed away, she started going to the gym more often “I love the people,” Grace said. “It’s the social part, too.”

Today at age 92 (she will be 93 in August), Grace heads to the gym five days a week. This grandmother to two and great-grandmother to five still participates in group classes in cycling, body works (a workout with hand weights), and kickboxing. Once in a while, she does the weight machines at the gym.

Her advice for anyone just getting started?

“Keep going,” Grace said. “So often, you see a lot of people joining the gym in January, and the next thing you know, they’re not here anymore.”

Grace met instructor Yvonne Gramlich when they were each taking classes at the former Bally’s Total Fitness in Irondequoit.

Two years after being “talked into” leading her first exercise class and taking several training courses, Yvonne became the coordinator of instruction at Bally’s. Today, she’s in a management position at LA Fitness. She is activities director for all of their gyms in Upstate New York, including Rochester and Buffalo.

57

May/June 2017

RocParent.com

At 51, Yvonne not only manages all the fitness instructors for a number of clubs, but also teaches 11 permanent classes, mostly at the Irondequoit location.

“One part of my job is physical; the other, very mental,” Yvonne said with a smile.

Yvonne added that one of the most rewarding parts of her job is when she sees people who may not have worked out in a long time (or at all) actually try out a class.

“I love all the different ages we have in most of our classes — and that they feel comfortable doing what they can,” Yvonne said. “Back when I first started as a manager, I always wanted to be part of a gym where everyone felt successful, there were all different ages, and each member walked away feeling good.”

It’s an achievable goal, professionals say.

Grace Buck, left, and fitness instructor Yvonne Gramlich, take a short break from exercise at LA Fitness in Irondequoit. PROVIDED PHOTO

For women who are getting back into fitness, Julie Thering, PT, DPT, and a physical therapist at the University of Rochester’s sports medicine facility, said her advice can be reduced to just a few words: Don’t be overwhelmed.

The American College of Sports Medicine guidelines recommend 150 minutes of activity each week, Thering said, “but for women who are just getting

back into fitness, start smaller and work your way toward that goal.”

While she has always been athletic and won a sectional title while a teen at a Buffalo high school, Yvonne has overcome surgery for a “pulverized” collar bone as a result of a cycling accident. Fortunately, this mother of two feels stronger than ever today.

“I understand body mechanics and I know more,” Yvonne said. “I think I have an inner strength in me — I always said that if I could bottle it, I could be a millionaire!”

Grace agreed that knowing your own limits — or abilities — is important.

“You have to do what your body tells you,” Grace said. “I just keep going.”

While the gym has worked for Grace and Yvonne, “A lot of people think they have to go to the gym and spend an hour on a treadmill or exercise bike to get results,” Thering said. “But research confirms that resistance training and strength-building are much more effective for getting in shape and losing weight, and they don’t take as long to do. This is because building muscle improves your metabolism and helps your body burn more fat, even when you are at rest.”

It’s also a good idea to talk to your physician before starting any fitness routine, Thering said.

Grace confesses that her doctor tells her she’s his favorite patient. Currently, she espe-

FEELING GOOD AND GETTING FIT Here are some suggestions from fitness instructor Yvonne Gramlich and physical therapist Julie Thering: • Find a class or activity that interests you, but don’t be afraid to try something new.

• Consider muscle conditioning, since you start losing density in your bones in your teen years. But be aware that you can over-train and lose muscle.

• Both Gramlich and Thering recommend choosing a variety of exercises.

Thering added that 20 minutes of weight training will do more for you than one hour of aerobic exercise.

Boost your activity level with at-home exercises like standing up and sitting down in a chair for 30-second sets; push-ups on the floor, or with your hands propped on the kitchen counter; using an exercise band; incorporating stretching and balance work. cially likes spinning (cycling on a stationary bike), and friends say she has influenced others to try it, too “People see me cycling and think, ‘If she can do it, maybe I can too,’” Grace said.

“They call me ‘Amazing Grace.’”

• Include walking, preferably with a buddy. “Walking is one of the most invigorating activities you can do,” Gramlich said. “And it can also be visually stimulating.”

• Make whatever you do part of your habit, but don’t push yourself, especially when something is not comfortable • Try to do something for 30 to 60 minutes every day.

• Invest in good sneakers; try to find the right shoe for your body type.

• Mix things up. Thering tells her clients, “if you are bored doing an exercise, your body is bored too.”

• Finally, “It doesn’t matter what you do in the gym if you’re eating poorly,” Thering said. “(Lately) I’m hearing a lot about the importance of reducing sugar intake. Sugar not only adds empty calories to our diet, but can also increase inflammation.”

The truth is, it’s never too late to get going, Yvonne said. “When you first start, you do as much as you can, then build up.

The nice thing about getting older is that you’ve had 40 to 50 years to get to know your own body!”

She Rocs

May/June 2017

56

Looking for things to do this weekend?

Visit RocParent.com and take a look at our calendar listings to find the perfect excursion for you and the family.

55

May/June 2017

RocParent.com

KEEP CALM and CALL

Dr. Meami

Lost in a sea of demands, but afraid to say ‘no’ Dear Dr. Meami: Every single day I feel like I am on a treadmill, frantically running at top speed (like a turkey making a run for it before Thanksgiving).

I am always rushing through the motions of my daily routine, making sure my kids, boss, and husband are all happy.

Did you notice how there was no mention of ME there?

It’s because I am lost in a sea of demands, like being snack mom at soccer practice (ensuring they have gluten-free quinoa chips with kale dip) even though I’d rather say “NO!” and be home relaxing, binge-watching Netflix my with best friends Ben and Jerry.

Deep down, I am afraid to say no because I want to make everyone else happy and I want people to like me. What can I do?

- Tara Dear Tara the Terrified: Step one is to realize you are not a turkey but you are an understandably woeful woman … and you can start feeling better by crossing the kale off your “to do” list.

Inserting “ME” into your day is not fantasyland, but obtainable right here in the Roc. What you need to do is create your very own personal “Say No To Say Yes!” manifesto. And presto, here’s how: 1. Repeat after me: “The word ‘no’ is a complete sentence.” Say this over and over until you can feel in your mind, body, heart, and soul that it’s true. Because it is!

Practice saying it in the mirror with a serene, confident smile on your face so it rolls right off your tongue like Mariah Carey singin’ on New Year’s Eve. Well, maybe not exactly that, but believe in your responsibility to give someone an honest “yes.”

You may think you want to be the “hostess with the mostest” because of FOMO syndrome — Fear of Missing Out. Dr. Meami advises it’s OK to say “no” to something that doesn’t bring joy to your heart.

2. Avoid FOMO like the flu — that’s Fear Of Missing Out and the reason why most Americans spend precious time doing things they really don’t want to be doing … and with people who are not at the top of their faves’ list.

Years ago I invited all my neighbors to a big block party at my home but, alas, when the moment came I just wanted to stay home alone and read Danielle Steele. But I forged ahead due to fear of missing out on being the Social Queen Bee Of Brighton and the “hostess with the mostest.”

I held myself hostage by inviting them all over due to a bad case of FOMO. No more! I have since learned how it is always better for me to say “no” upfront to something my heart isn’t genuinely into, so that my schedule stays wide open (even if it’s to stay home and do nothing, if that is what brings me more joy).

3. All this saying “no” by daring to be true to you leads to feeling really great about yourself when you are comfortable saying “yes.”

For example, I had the chance to take on a new role with a local business, but I knew that wasn’t my true life purpose and so that opportunity best belonged to someone else very special who might thrive on daily deadlines.

The prestige of that position would have robbed me of the fully alive passion I feel when am so happy to write this column or so gratified to help see one of my counseling clients through a tough time.

In your life, start paying attention to how deeply empowered you feel when you trust yourself to say no to anything that in your gut doesn’t feel quite right to you ... and then fly with no fear just loving the freedom you’ve earned!

Inserting “ME” into your day is not fantasyland.

Why? Your time is the one thing in your life that once given away, you can never get back. Flex your self-loving “me” muscle and your kid-caring mama muscle often so that the next time you want to stay home and have Family Fun Friday Fondue Night vs. attending some “obligatory” awards dinner, you stay home and you win. Which brings me to tip number two ...

She Rocs

May/June 2017

54

the

Organized Clutterbug ELIZABETH CRONY

Spring into sunshine by focusing on these 5 chores

Ah, spring, you’re finally here!

And as the days get longer and sunnier, you may notice mysterious grime, dust, and cobwebs — all in time for a thorough spring cleaning.

Here are five simple cleaning steps to brighten your home: Clearing the cobwebs Despite many new dust-lifting products on the market, I recommend investing in a good old-fashioned feather duster. It lifts dust better and moves easier than a Swiffer, and without snagging. Start at the ceiling and work your way down. Don’t forget behind pictures, tops of doorframes, light fixtures, bookcases, and the cobwebs in all the corners.

Let the sunshine in Welcome the warm breezes with sparkling windows. Make a 50/50 mixture of white vinegar and warm water, and use a spray bottle so you don’t have to deal with the dirty water in a bucket.

Wipe the windows with newspaper instead of paper towels, as this eliminates streaks and fuzz.

For extra-stubborn grime, prewash with very soapy water, then use the vinegar spray. Clean only when there is no direct sun on the windows. Be sure to wipe all areas around the window, including the ledge and sashes.

53

May/June 2017

RocParent.com ROCparent.com

Rejuvenate home appliances Fridge/Freezer: Throw out expired foods/ jars and wipe down the inside and all sides outside. Pull the fridge forward to vacuum and wash the floor that was behind and underneath.

Dishwasher: Remove, clean, and soak the filter. Return the filter to its place and pour a cup of white vinegar in a dishwashersafe container on the bottom rack and half-cup baking soda in a dishwasher-safe container on the top rack. Run empty on a heavy cleaning cycle. Let sit for 20 mins and then wipe down. Yes, you’re creating a volcano in your dishwasher. (Shhh — don’t give the kids ideas).

Microwave magic: Place bowl of water (lemon optional, for fragrance) in microwave and heat for 5 minutes. Remove hot bowl (with towel) and immediately wipe down. Wash glass plate and wipe down door handle and keypad.

Washing machine: Run a small, empty load with hot water and a cup of white vinegar to clean out built-up gunk. Wipe down the collected dust and old detergent.

Pillow talk and putting it to bed Strip bedding and wash mattress covers, removable pillow covers, shams, and duvets. Bed pillows can be washed on gentle (read manufacturer’s label). I use this time to change winter blankets/sheets for lighter weight (and lighter color) bedding. Wash the winter bedding and put away.

Also, give a washing to couch pillow coverings and blankets, plus wash or wipe down the shower curtain and liner (or replace the liner altogether).

Getting floors barefoot ready Spot-clean stains on carpets and wash throw rugs (some are machine-wash friendly).

Move furniture away from the walls and vacuum the entire room (using the hose and get into the corners). Don’t forget, all the dust you removed from above is now waiting on the floor to be vacuumed!

Vacuum hardwood/linoleum/tile floors and slop mop. Yes, I said slop … fill a bucket with hot water, a little dish soap, and some white vinegar, and grab a classic cotton mop. Cotton is still the best, since it holds on to water and dirt, but it also lets it go. This is key.

Work in small sections and spread water over a small area using only 3 to 4 swishes of your mop. You are putting the soapy water down and letting the cleaners do the work for you. Wring mop and sweep over area to pick up any excess water.

Keep your eye on the prize of how glorious your house will look and smell after you put in the hard work. Happy spring cleaning!

She Rocs

May/June 2017

52

Mild salsa, a chance meeting, and warm memories ESSAY/MEMOIR

This essay is a memoir by this magazine’s publisher, Salley Thornton. Compelled to capture an experience she had in Irvine, Calif., she typed furiously into her phone on the plane ride home to Rochester. This is that story.

By SALLEY THORNTON “Is it hot?”

I asked the breakfast chef this question, handing him a plate and nodding to the bowl of glistening red and green peppers with chopped onion and tomatoes that was intended to accompany the hotel buffet scrambled eggs.

“No,” he replied softly, explaining “it is a favorite Peruvian recipe.” His words were deliberate and accented.

The chunky salsa looked thick and flavorful and after he’d served up my eggs, sausage, and hash browns, I scooped some to the side of the heaping plate in place of my regular Heinz 57.

“You want some more?” he asked with a welcoming grin, already dipping the large stainless-steel spoon back into the warming tray and reaching toward my plate to add an extra helping of the crispy shredded potatoes.

Before the spoon could hit its target, I retracted my plate with a chuckle. “I think there’s plenty here, for me AND my friends,” I said, glancing over my shoulder at three female colleagues already seated in the makeshift cafe off the lobby of a boutique hotel in Southern California.

A couple of us recollected we had encountered this friendly chef during a previous stay, noting his name from his brass nametag — Miguel. He was always ready to feed us more, like our Italian nanas. We dug in because breakfast is, after all, the most important meal of the day and we had hours of meetings ahead of us.

The simple fare rivaled the quality of most complimentary hotel-breakfast offerings. And, for me the Peruvian condiment was perfect — its bright colors a stark con51

May/June 2017

RocParent.com

At right: Miguel and Salley during her recent business trip to California.

Below: Sceneic view of El Misti volcano from Miguel’s hometown of Arequipa, Peru.

trast to the pale yellow eggs; its flavor fresh and light, not spicy hot.

After another cup of coffee, we expressed our thanks and waved goodbye. As we left there was a subtle corporate cacophony as our high heels clicked on the marble tile floor and our briefcase roller bags hummed along, broken up by sharp clicking sounds as they crossed each grouted seam.

The next morning we returned to the cafe.

There was no special salsa but the hot buffet was otherwise unchanged. Our chef had more smiles. I requested hash browns, eggs,

and bacon.

Miguel filled my plate with the first two items, and then as he reached for the bacon, he stopped.

“No, for you this bacon,” he said, stabbing a new stack of hot and crispy crimsonbrown bacon, placing four strips on my plate with a sideways glance and conspiratorial smile.

I thanked him, walking away feeling as if we’d shared a little secret, thinking this was probably just one of his ways of making certain travelers feel special. We shared

more polite conversation as I returned to the buffet for a second breakfast of Froot Loops.

His face was kind, his personality warm and genuine.

Returning on Day 3, I was caught off guard by his words.

“I did not cook when I was in Peru,” Miguel said from his side of the counter, speaking just above the buffet glass. I was uncertain how to respond.

“Do you enjoy it now?” I asked with a smile. He was silent, as if he were trying to find the right words.

Almost imperceptibly there was a flicker of emotion across his face.

Remembering? Regret? Then he responded, “I was a banker. For 28 years.”

I tried to decipher this information. It was as if he were telling me, “I was somebody” — someone with a respectable job, with status in the community, with responsibility and, perhaps, power.

“How did you land in Southern California?” I asked, still gripping the crockpot lid and absentmindedly dripping condensation all over the counter from the steamy steelcut oatmeal inside.

“I came here because of what was happening in Peru. I did it for my children.”

I understood now. It was a sacrifice, the ultimate sacrifice. Giving up one’s own needs, desires, ego, for the hopes of providing even more to the next generation. I asked him where he had worked.

“Banco de credito del Perú in Arequipa, the second largest city in Peru,” he replied.

Is it pure coincidence he has shared this personal information with me? Truly a total stranger from the East Coast.

My friend Monika in Rochester is originally from Lima. She used to work for a bank in South America as a young professional. What would be the chances? Curiosity building, I texted her immediately.

“Yes,” she texted back, confirming she had worked at the same bank and recalled Miguel’s name though she didn’t remember knowing him personally. I verbally relay this information and his face brightens. It’s as if they are long lost cousins through this one small connection — both so far away from their native home. Monika is naming places to remind him about.

“Tell him I love the white city with its volcanoes,” I read the text from my phone.

“Type back M-i-s-t-i,” he said, explaining that’s the name of the volcano.

“Charcato,” she responded.

“Yes!” he quipped.

It was a volley of frantic messages with me typing for Miguel as quickly as possible and then reading Monika’s responses. “OMG, OMG,” she texted.

Chef Miguel serves breakfast at a boutique hotel in Mission Viejo, Calif.

“I’m crying. Hug him for me.” I did.

For 15 minutes between his clattering of breakfast dishes and my loading luggage into the rental car, I attempted to share a lifetime of memories between Miguel and Monika. Memories that probably felt like a lifetime ago … a lifeline to what was, channeled through a woman who has never traveled to Peru but was connecting two people separated by dozens of states and three time zones.

I don’t know why this experience struck me to the core. I guess it showed me how a splinter of humanity can break down many barriers. It was a reminder that we are all each other’s brother. I felt compelled to capture the story.

It was like a visit from an angel. I will never forget.

MIGUEL’S AJI PERUVIAN GREEN CHILE DIPPING SAUCE • 1 cup fresh cilantro • 1/4 lime • 2 cloves minced garlic • 2 tbsp Parmesan cheese • 1 tbsp olive oil • 1 tsp white vinegar • 2-3 coarsely chopped jalapenos • 1/2 cup mayo Add all but mayo to a blender and puree. Stop and add mayo until creamy. Pour into a dish and add salt and pepper to taste.

She Rocs

May/June 2017

50