JAY Jimmy james Jay Jimmy James
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“we’re too young to commit”
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Holidays in Europe
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You’re a joke
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Knife
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SMD
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I need to stop writing about you
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Powerlines
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Regret what you dont regret
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If you didn’t let me leave I wouldn’t have looked any other way. I’m happy I did.
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You didn’t make me happy.
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“we’re too young to commit” The whole situation confuses me. The same scripted conversation every time telling each other we’re too young to commit. too young to settle. The sex is shit The company doesn’t judge No bullshit required I wish I could just say “Bye” My sanity would go with you We both like to fuck around. but also need that security I’d off kissed you if I didn’t know it was off the cards Sex and temptation pulled me towards you but clarity forced me to understand we ain’t a great two I say “friends” you drive right past the point Pushing towards hazard conversations You like to push my buttons to see my harsh and heavy side I’ll switch to cute in your eyes.
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Holidays In Europe The smell of cigarettes reminds me of holidays in Europe Pulling me back to France the millionth time within my childhood I spark a flint for you it smells different A sweet smell, It kind of reminds me of I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t get the smell off my clothes. I feel dirty. Yet I always return. The same old conversations about nothing. Neither of us cares just want to drive into nowhere and hide for a while. I’d hide for a few days. I’d cry in front of you You know that so purposely avoiding the points that will harm me. Act tough. These words cont help.
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You’re a joke I hate the city The gritty feeling that grows on your skin as you pass another human Stench stick to your clothes I can’t breath Piss and fags So homo you scared of a faggot Bigot Strangle me like you have power know where the knife is You’d never harm me I fight back without velocity Crack my bones when I bend back Act null or aggressive But you cheer and giggle when I slide away A smirk at the slight glance at what I’m hiding
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Knife I’m not sure how this works love isn’t there I kind of hate you I hate how much your good for me I hate how much you think you’re a terrible person Thinking that you’ll be locked away within the next month Every time you tell me I treat it like I’ll not be able to say You list the terrors that torture of your childhood memories that I’m not sure are bragging or you telling me your dangers? I’ll never be scared of you. I know where the knife is You saved me once why would you take my life I’ve asked before rolled your eyes and drove me home
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Never reading my sins to a priest.
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Laying to dry in front of the devil.
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SMD “smd� Same old fuck boy notation Is that a question or a demand? Act like a cunt and carry on Feeling rubble under that mask Both bodies support the emotionally unstable Stabbed once and cut with the same knife Break your bones Break my neck
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I need to stop writing about you Its just a mindset As ever sad it is As ever close to life, it stretches from you Crime is nothing Time is inevitable Lost hope Trust In everyone around Well that’s what you say Act as no one cares Act like your not scared
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Powerlines You search my body Never really reading every line The powder cut with knife blades The same sharp implement that cut my skin before Dirty little whore don’t even get paid to regret
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Regret what you don’t regret The idea of you leaving makes my skin shiver Although there’s no emotional connection to recognise You saved me I don’t cry over you I complain I never wine I talk about you in vain Fascinated by your unusual character that others are wary of Sharp objects don’t scare me they say “should I be scared of you?” The stories I retell are stories of a madman but I looked into that face and did not shake in fear The adrenalin rush to wake me up When I’m least in control I’m not sad you leaving I’m worried I’ll die without you dependency is going to kill me I’m dependent on you
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If you didn’t let me leave I wouldn’t have looked any other way. I’m happy I did. You didn’t make me happy.
I always leave with 100 questions running through my small mind Why did you kiss me? You never did before? so why now? When I admitted to you everything let out every emotion filling my heart You whispered under your breath “Don’t leave me again”
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When I would have never left if you didn’t let me wonder find someone who cares as much as I wish you did I feel protected you are the vermin “you going back to his?” I’d made my desition Forever the whore like I deserve Forever the prised from the one I truly love The future may have changed and of course, I’m scared The uncertainty of trust Our father’s curse Block me out of your life he will fight for me forever I will fight for him till death do me well 22
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A collection of poems wrote by Harri Smithson
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