Bulletin Board

How Politics Work

be snow figure decorations. It’s Strange How 8:28—I was being called a racist because the snow couMy son was flunking out of college, so I told him, “You will marry the woman I choose.” He said “no.” Drinking 8 Glasses Of Water A Day Seems ple was white. 8:31—The Middle Eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.

I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.” Impossible, But 8 8:40—The police arrived, saying someone had been He said “yes.” I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.” Cups Of Coffee Go Down Like A Chubby offended. 8:42—The feminist neighbor complained again that the snow woman’s broomstick needed to be removed because it

Bill Gates said “no.” Kid On A See-Saw depicted women in a domestic role.

I told Gates that my son is the CEO of the World Bank. 8:43—The City Council’s equality officer arrived and

Gates said “yes.” threatened me with eviction.

I called the president of the World Bank and asked him to make my son the 8:45—TV news crews showed up. I was asked if I knew the difference CEO. between snowmen and snow women? My reply of “snowballs” did not go

He said “no.” over very well and I am now called a sexist.

I told him that my son is Bill Gates’ son-in-law. 9:00—I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, and homophobe

He said “yes.” sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

And thus began the practice of hiring morons to work in influential posi- 9:10—I was asked if I had any accomplices. My children were taken by tions of institutions and government. This practice remains in play to this day. social services. 9:29—Far-left protesters offended by everything marched down the street, Automobile Q&A demanding my arrest. 12 noon—The snow had all melted.

Q: What was the first official White House car? A: A 1909 White Steamer Moral—None. It is exactly what we have become…and it was all caused

Q: What colors were available for the 1953 Corvette? A: Only one—Polo by snowflakes. White Q: What was the first car fitted with an alternator? A: 1960 Plymouth Valiant John Kennedy Quotes

Q: What car was the first to have its radio antenna embedded in the wind- Southerners have a way with words, and few are better at expressing themshield? A: 1969 Pontiac Grand Prix selves than Louisiana Senator John Kennedy. He graduated Magna cum

Q: What car had the distinction of being GM’s 100 millionth built in the Laude from Vanderbilt University, has a law degree from the University of U.S.? A: 1966 Oldsmobile Toronado built at Lansing, Mich. Virginia and a degree from England’s prestigious University of Oxford.

Q: What autos were the first to come with a standard production key-start Here are some examples of his insight and wit: system? A: 1949 Chryslers It is like a frog calling you ugly. (On New York Gov. Cuomo’s lecturing)

Q: What car was the first to place the horn button in the center of the steer- She can strut sitting down! (On Nancy Pelosi) ing wheel? A: The 1915 Scripps-Booth Model C This election in Georgia will be the most important in history. You have

Q: What was the only car to appear simultaneously on the covers of Time nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, perand Newsweek? A: The Ford Mustang son of faith, or an unborn baby!

Q: What car was the first production V12, as well as the first production You can only be young once, but you can always be immature. car with aluminum pistons? A: The 1915 Packard Twin-Six. Used Americans are thinking, ‘there are some good members of Congress but we during WWI in Italy, these motors inspired Enzi Ferrari to adopt the V12 can’t figure out what they are good for.’ Others are thinking, ‘how did these himself in 1948. morons make it through the birth canal.’

Q: What was the first car to use power seats? A: 1947 Packard Always follow your heart...but take your brains with you.

Q: Which of the Chrysler ‘letter’ cars sold the least amount? A: Only 400 The short answer is ‘No.’ The long answer is ‘Hell No.’ 1963 300Js were sold. It must suck to be that dumb.

Q: How did the term ‘Pickup Truck’ originate? A: The story goes that it When the Portland Mayor’s IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell. came from Ford Motor Co. The first pick-up trucks made in the U.S. report- I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi’s and Chuck Schumer’s point of view, but edly were shipped to dealers in crates that the new owners themselves had to I can’t seem to get my head that far up my a—. assemble, using the crates as the beds of the trucks. The new owners had to go Go sell your crazy somewhere else. We are all stocked up here. to the dealers to get them; thus , they had to pick up the trucks. She has a billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth! I trust Middle Eastern countries as much as gas station sushi, with the It Snowed Last Night… exception being Israel. You can get a goat to climb tree, but you’d be better off hiring a squirrel. 8:00 am—I made a snowman. This has been going on since Moby Dick was a minnow. 8:10—A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow Don’t stand between a dog and a fire hydrant. woman. Our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots. 8:15—So I made a snow woman. It appears that he might do the right thing, but only when supervised and 8:17—My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s volup- cornered like a rat. tuous chest, saying it objectified snow women everywhere. He’s dumb enough for twins. 8:20—The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and This is why aliens won’t talk to us. complained that it could have been two snowmen instead. If My Memory Democrats are running around like they found a hair in 8:22—The transgender man, or woman, (person), asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts? Was Any Worse, I Could Plan My Own their biscuit. Chuck Schumer just moos and follows Nancy Pelosi into the cattle chute. 8:25—The vegans at the end of the lane complained Surprise Party. What planet did you parachute in from? about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not meant to Just because you CAN sing doesn’t mean tht you should.