WORDS Tara Crutchfield
PHOTOGRAPH Ella Doyle
Kid Curfew in Effect Downtown A collective of decidedly childless millennials has banded together to pass a new rule that might leave some parents crying in their beer. The group garnered thousands of signatures and put pressure on local government officials. This tactic appears to have worked. Last month the city commission narrowly passed an ordinance banning children from all downtown shared spaces, including bars, breweries, and restaurants, which were the original target of the regulation. This ‘kid curfew’ is in effect between the hours of 7 pm and 7 am. Dogs are still welcome, anytime.
Another supporter of the curfew said, “Look, we just want to get sloppy and say a few curse words over some drinks – is that too much to ask? Does every space have to be ‘familyfriendly’? Maybe get a sitter?” Many establishments that serve alcohol allow and even accommodate children, ensuring they have games to play and nonalcoholic options to drink. Lakeland is an exceptionally family-friendly community. The passing of this curfew outraged more than a few parents who like to imbibe with a toddler or two in tow.
“Hear me out,” began the curfew’s most prominent champion, who could only be described as drunk on power, Melissa K. Aaron. “Kids are kind of the worst. They’re sticky, they smell, they’re loud. You know what else is sticky and smelly and loud? Bars. That must be why parents think it’s cool to bring their kids.”
“Just because we’re parents doesn’t mean we don’t want to socialize too,” said one father who called the curfew “a major overstep.”
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