March/April 2019 by Hers Magazine

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Have a project that never quite got off the ground due to lack of funding? Fund Her Projects (FHP) is an innovative funding platform just for women. FHP is not your typical crowdfunding site, as it allows members to promote a well-intentioned cause and request needed items within the community.

Editor-in-Chief, Annette Johnson Associate Editor, Grace Kelley Fashion Editor, Dr. Courtney A. Hammonds Creative Director, Michelle Lynch Design Director, Joey Shepherd Page Layout and Design, Taylor Berg Editorial Assistant, Brooke Allen Staff Writer, Elizabeth Nouryeh Style Consultant, Selena Hulett Digital Marketing, Tamara King Social Media Marketing, Mariah Mullen Online Editor, Keith Johnson Marketing Coordinator, Veronique Thomas Contributors: Michael Braunold Jean Chatzky Janine Delaney David Essel Bridget Fonger Merilee Kern Dr. Andrea Klemes Amy Lacey Ilana Muhlstein Edward Perotti Christal Schanes Dr. Helena Judith Sturnik Customer Service For subscription service or change of address, including email, contact info@hersmagazine.net or write P.O. Box 1071, Atlanta, GA 30301 Hers (ISSN 2372-3785) is published six times per year by Allwrite Communications, 3300 Buckeye Road, Suite 264, Atlanta, GA 30341 770-284-8983

Spring Styles from NY Fashion Week Check out these three designers’ looks for spring

March/April 2

CONTENTS F E AT U R E S

34 Becoming One of the Few Female Rangers

Lt. Emily Lilly does what few women have done: complete Ranger School

104 Looking Back at Her Historic Ascension

How astronaut Ellen Ochoa directed and diversified NASA, while making space for other women

Fighting to Expose and End Child Marriage One woman’s fight for the eradication of child and arranged marriages

112 'Big Bang’ Theory’s New Rising Star

Rati Gupta may end the hit sitcom’s season with a big bang

14 Wholesome, Healthy Cauliflower Recipes 18 Designer Décor for Spring Table Perfection Edward Perotti shares his new

favorite table settings for the season

24 Don’t Forget Your Baby! Learn how to prevent your motor memory from taking over

38 Navigating Open Relationships

Expert advice for those who decide two just isn’t enough

Try out these yummy, cauliflowerbased meals

22 This Season’s Bigger, Bolder Hair Trends

From textured looks to tousled tresses, these are the latest hair trends

32 Review: New Skincare Line Offers No BS Ingredients These chemists may have created the right mix of information and ingredients

40 5 Tips to Reduce Belly Fat Helpful tips to help you combat stubborn midriff fat

50 Not One [Woman] Less: Domestic Abuse

Cindy Arlette Contreras Bautista’s fight for the safety of women

122 Radical Life Changes in 4 Steps Improve your life, improve your confidence

42 Review: Homemade Hemp Soaps for Body & Soul

Sydney Caylor makes it her mission to deliver pure, nourishing soaps

90 Helping Women Giggle Away Their Bladder Leaks

Fashion director finds a reusable solution for disposable pads

2019

26 Taking Spring Break in San Diego The best places to visit in San Diego for spring break

96 Leading the Way for Females in the Military The first female commander making her own rules

86 Craft Box Girls Share Spring DIY Projects

Learn more about Lynn Lilly and try some of her special creative crafts

95 Quincy Jones Calls Her ‘The One’

Sheléa Frazier may be the hardest working woman in music

108 Making Meaningful Films is Her Secret

10 Disruptors Wreaking Havoc on Your Hormones The toxic habits in your life putting stress on your hormones

30 The Spirit and Spirited in Female Campaigns

How women are using cooperation to usher in a new style of politics

48 Being Fit and Feeling Great

Female director seeks viewer inspiration from her films productions, not praise

12 Gadgets to Ease Traveler’s Anxiety

Enhance your travel life with these useful gadgets

54 Can I Speak to Your Manager?

Janine Delaney’s secrets to feeling great in your skin

Why some employees retaliate with bad customers

80 What Women Need to Know about Heart Disease Women often

84 Can Spending Money Increase Confidence?

overlook these important facts about heart disease

Are you judging others based on their financial choices?

118 Book review: ‘Happily Ever After Divorce’ Learn how to empower yourself after a divorce

120 Book review: ‘I Only Have Eyes for You’ New book captures the allure of eyes by featuring famous portrayals

124 Spring Heriscopes

Read your latest HER-iscope and discover your future!

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F E AT U R E S • H E A R T • F L AVO R • H E A LT H L E S S O N S • W O R K • P L AY W W W. H E R S - M A G A Z I N E . C O M 6

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Editor’s Letter “Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it,” once said philosopher George Santayana. Because history leaves trails for prevention and production, we celebrate its power in March for Women’s History Month. This is a time we, as women, should come to remember and recognize those who laid the foundations for our current opportunities, as well as our future prospects. That said, in this special commemorative issue, we recall the barrier-breaking feats of women in male-dominated and oriented institutions, such as the U.S. military and space programs. We hear the first-hand accounts of women like director of the Johnson Space Center Ellen Ochoa; Battalion Commander Lt. Col. Elizabeth Evans; and Scout Platoon leader Emily Lilly. All of the witnessed have witnessed the evolution or rise in female participation and leadership, but they also admit there needs to be more inclusion. While these women have made enormous strides as civil servants, others like actress Rati Gupta (“The Big Bang Theory”) seek to highlight everyday struggles of foreign born or heritage women of color in America. As an Indian American actress moving to Hollywood from the Midwest, she has seen

but a small-scale increase in women’s career opportunities in entertainment who hail from the world’s largest democracy – India. In providing opportunities for other women in entertainment, we’ve interviewed Esther Turan director, producer and founder of Movie Bar Productions. Both she and singer/ songwriter Sheléa Frazier share stories of how their artistry have helped transform their lives and others. Meanwhile, activists like Fraidy Reiss work tirelessly behind the scenes, where there are no awards, medals or prizes, to expose and prevent human trafficking in the form of arranged marriages. We share the details of her effort to end child marriage and her own experience with this issue as means of further awareness. As always, we include news, information and reviews on beauty, fashion and more. We want you to be inspired, entertained and informed, so we leave no subject area untouched. Remember to share this issue as a gift or simple discussion. Until next time,

+ CONTRIBUTORS

M I C H A E L B RAU N O L D Michael Braunold is the CEO of Elepho, Inc., the company that created eClip, a device that attaches easily inside the car and connects to a cell phone via Bluetooth. It alerts parents if they walk more than 25 feet from their car without removing their child. Braunold’s energy keeps the Elepho team on maximum drive to make it all happen.

B R I D G E T FO N G E R Bridget Fonger is a longtime health, lifestyle and relationship writer. Having authored a regular column for Huffington Post, she has since authored the book “Superhero of Love: Heal Your Broken Heart & Then Go Save the World.” She also frequently keeps up with her blog posts. Fonger currently serves as a contributor for Thrive Global and Quora, and hosts a podcast titled “Superhero of Love Podcast.”

J E A N C H AT Z KY

D R . A N D R E A K L E M ES

Jean Chatzky, the financial editor of NBC’s “TODAY show,” is an award-winning personal finance journalist, AARP’s personal finance ambassador and host of the podcast “HerMoney with Jean Chatzky” on iTunes. Jean is also a best-selling author. Her newest book, “AgeProof: Living Longer Without Running Out of Money or Breaking a Hip,” which she wrote with Dr. Michael Roizen, is a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller. In 2015, Jean teamed up with Time for Kids and The PwC Charitable Foundation to launch Your $, a financial literacy magazine reaching two million schoolchildren each month. She lives with her family in Westchester County, New York.

Dr. Andrea Klemes is an endocrinologist in Boca Raton, Florida. She received her medical degree from New York College of Osteopathic Medicine and has been in practice for more than 20 years. She completed her internal medicine residency at Cabrini Medical Center in Manhattan and an Endocrine and Metabolism Fellowship at the Medical College of Georgia in Augusta. She has completed broad clinical research in diabetes and osteoporosis, has published extensively and frequently lectured. Outside her passion for medicine, Klemes plays golf and loves to spend time with her family.

J A N I N E D E L A N EY Hailed the “Jump Rope Queen,” Janine is a Doctor of Psychology, a former professional ballerina and an exercise and nutrition specialist. She also holds multiple competitive titles. Her passion is to help others realize that being fit is not just about the way you look, but also about being healthy in mind, body and soul. At 48 years old Janine is proof that age is just a number. She encourages and inspires her 1.5 million social media fans through her daily exercise routines, unique jump rope style and motivational posts on her social media.

A M Y L AC EY Amy Lacey is the founder of Cali’Flour Foods, which she developed after being diagnosed with lupus in 2010. Lacey’s Cali’Flour pizza crusts were selected as Clean Eating Magazine’s “Coolest New Find of 2017,” and named one of “Whoopi’s Favorite Things” on “The View.” Lacey is a health coach and authored the selfpublished book “The Clean Switch.”

DAVID ESSEL

I L A N A M U H L ST E I N

David Essel is a number one best-selling author, counselor, master life coach, international speaker and minister whose mission is to positively affect 2 million people or more every day, in every area of life, regardless of their current circumstances. His latest best-seller, “Focus! Slay Your Goals…The Proven Guide to Huge Success, A Powerful Attitude and Profound Love,” was recently selected by the influential blog “FUPPING” as one of the top 25 books that will make you a better person. He is verified through Psychology Today as one of the top counselors and life coaches in the U.S.

Ilana Muhlstein is a registered dietitian. She earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Nutrition and Dietetics from the University of Maryland. She sits on the Executive Leadership Team for the American Heart Association and leads the Bruin Health Improvement Program at UCLA. Ilana acts as a nutrition consultant for several companies, including Beachbody and Whole Foods Market. She’s also a contributing writer for publications such as SELF, The Huffington Post and The Journal of Obesity.

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E DWA R D P E R OT T I Throughout his 27+ years of event production, Perotti’s central ethos has always been to create an immersive experience. His lifelong love of theater, history, travel and exploration of other cultures influences his event planning process. He conducts extensive research as he weaves all these elements together. Perotti lives in San Francisco with his husband of 15 years and has two sons.

C H R I STA L S C H A N ES Christal Schanes is an Emmy-winning TV/film hair stylist who is best-known for her work on “Saturday Night Live.” She established WIGwell, an initiative providing free custom wigs to women experiencing medically-related hair loss through her company, CHRISTAline Studios. Her company, which offers ready-to-wear and custom hair products and services, devotes 20% of its proceeds from the sale of every product to support its community giving endeavor. Each free custom wig is hand-tied from 100,000 human hairs, takes 125 hours to create and has a market value of $5,000.

D R . H E L E N A J U D I T H ST U R N I C K Helena Judith Sturnick is a trained scholar, published author, university professor, national and international leadership coach, and global speaker. She’s earned a reputation for practical and creative leadership, and for speaking about the spiritual side of leadership. This reputation has accompanied Dr. Sturnick as the transformational president of five colleges and universities, a Vice President at the American Council on Education (ACE), and the Director of the Office of Women in Washington, DC, as well as into her newest venture as the author of “Fire in the Soul: Finding the Divinity Within Each of Us.”

M E R I L E E K E R N As the executive editor and producer of “The Luxe List,” Merilee Kern is an internationally-regarded consumer product trends expert and hospitality industry voice of authority. She is a travel, dining, leisure and lifestyle expert who spotlights noteworthy marketplace innovations, change makers, movers and shakers. She reports on exemplary travel destinations and experiences, extraordinary events and newsworthy products, and also services across all categories.

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+ WELLNESS

The

5 Biggest Disruptors

Wreaking Havoc

on Your Hormones By Don Colbort

n 2019, some people are taking a “new year-new you” approach. They’re determined to make selfimprovements that provide a fresh, positive outlook and strong sense of well-being. However, sometimes health factors undermine those good intentions, such as depression and its link to hormone imbalances. There are a myriad of ways both men and women suffer adverse effects to their hormones, says Don Colbert, MD, and many of them are avoidable. “We are exposed to thousands of toxic chemicals on a regular basis in the air, water and food,” says Colbert, author of “Dr. Colbert's Hormone Health Zone.” He added, “Some of them are hormone disruptors because they disturb your endocrine system, wreaking havoc and creating hormonal imbalances. “Not only are the effects of all these disruptors depressing to think about, but they actually cause depression, along with countless other ailments, such as type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity and more. But the basic principle is this: decreasing the number of disruptions will improve your health.” Dr. Colbert breaks down the top hormone disruptors affecting men and women along with ways to minimize the disruption or stop it:

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+ WELLNESS

LIFESTYLE CHOICES “Whether it’s weight gain and a lack of exercise, anger and unforgiveness, drinking too much alcohol or some other thing that can be controlled, your hormone levels drop, and you begin a slow slide to poorer health,” Dr. Colbert says. “Make better choices that dramatically decrease the chances of having any hormone deficiency symptoms.”

MEDICATIONS

Medications affect the body’s cells, and sometimes side effects manifest in major problems. For example, Dr. Colbert cites Mayo Clinic research showing a prescription statin drug that lowered cholesterol could result in liver damage, memory loss or type 2 diabetes. “I estimate that 55 percent of the entire US population is taking pills that directly and negatively affect hormone levels,” Dr. Colbert says. “Get off these harmful medications you hate.”

THINGS YOU TOUCH Chemicals entering the body through the skin can cause long-term damage. Dr. Colbert notes phthalates, disruptors found in household cleaners, cosmetics, toys and numerous other products. “Phthalates negatively affect both men’s and women’s ability to use the testosterone that is in

[their] bodies,” Dr. Colbert says. “Another is BPA (bisphenol A), found on the inside of metal-canned foods and plastic food-storing containers. Specifically, BPA has been found to cause or contribute to cancer, fertility problems, developmental issues and heart disease. I recommend buying glass jars of food and storing in ceramic containers.”

DIET DEFICIENCIES

“The standard American diet is usually low in key nutrients that support a healthy thyroid,” Dr. Colbert says. “Many patients with hormone imbalances have low iodine. The best solution is to eat more vegetables, ideally raw or steamed.”

AGING

Dr. Colbert says estrogen levels for women begin to decline around the age of 50. For men, testosterone levels can drop low around age 45-50. “Aging is a natural combatant as a hormone disruptor, but we can slow the acceleration of the effects of aging by optimizing our hormones. Healthy habits can make a huge difference,” he says. “Symptoms of serious problems indicated by hormonal imbalance can be reversed by those who focus on health in their diet, lifestyle and living environment. Then they can enable all of their systems to function optimally.”

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+ GADGETS

Tools to Enhance Your Travel Life By Merilee Kern

It’s a fresh new year and the perfect time to refresh our travel routines. With this in mind, here are an array of tried-andtrue travel enhancers and problem solvers that’ll help ensure a great year of adventure ahead.

Eagle Creek Luggage Travel enthusiasts will surely adore Eagle Creek, including its Weekend Warrior Gear Kit. This bag will refuse to let you over pack, while ensuring you’re organized and efficient. With it, you can bolt through the airports thanks to the Tarmac Carry-On’s oversized wheels, and easily lift it into overhead airplane bins courtesy of sturdy handles. For bigger jaunts, the Eagle Creek ORV Trunk 36 is a stellar option. It’s a durable, lightweight, dependable and efficient design ideal for every adventure. The kit retails at $369. Photo Ownership/Copyright: Eagle Creek

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NasalGuard Airborne Particle Blocker

Prevent the cold and flu often contracted while traveling, and indoor and outdoor allergies, with NasalGuard. With a mild electrostatic charge, this topical gel reduces inhalation of particles as small as rhinovirus, pet dander or pollen, along with many other airborne pollutants, contaminants and allergens. The electrostatic technology creates an invisible filter around the outside of your nasal passages. It is drug-free and lasts up to 150 applications. NasalGuard is priced at $14.85. Photo Ownership/Copyright: NasalGuard

Zumer Duffel Bag

The Zumer Sport Basketball Material Duffel Bag is created from actual basketball material. It’s durable, puncture resistant and virtually spill proof. It's perfect for guys or girls of any age, in any environment. The bag includes multiple pockets and a separate shoe compartment. Any NBA or NCAA hoops fan will love this. The luggage tags — also available in soccer and other sports ball materials — are an eye-catching and conversation-starting way to easily identify your suitcase or bag while traveling. The bag is priced at $79.99. Photo Ownership/Copyright: Zumer Sport

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+ GADGETS

Kami Home Camera

Want peace of mind while you’re traveling? Check out Kami, which offers an economical and complete AI-featured home security system. Mount the camera on a surface or on the ceiling, and it’ll give you more control over what you want to see in your room. In fact, its 360-degree rotation gives you an entire room’s view from one location. There are also sophisticated algorithms that allow for smarter alerts. With AI-based detection of humans, pets and abnormal sound, you only get alerted when it actually matters. This camera retails at $89.80.

Photo Ownership/Copyright: YI Technology

Armitron Watches

While traveling, being on time is of the essence, so achieve this with a stylish watch from Armitron. The company offers a line of fashionable and affordable dress, sport and outdoor adventure varieties for both men and women. Armitron has been creating watches for every occasion, including Swarovski crystal and diamond-embellished styles. I’m particularly fond of Armitron’s black dress watches like the Black Dress Bangle Watch with a shiny solitaire Diamond Accent for gals, and the Black IP Stainless Steel Analog Bracelet Watch for guys. Armitron watches start at $25. Photo Ownership/Copyright: Armitron Watches

n:p beautiful Hair Dryer

When out and about, we all want to ensure we have lovely locks. This highly portable blow dryer makes every day styling a breeze. It’s lightweight, has a high-wind performance motor, a protective tourmaline-coated grill that dries hair super-fast, a coolshot button to seal your look in place and an extralong cord for effortless styling. It has a long-lasting, high quality engine that produces a concentrated airflow flushing through the nozzle for fast drying. The unit includes two double-injected durable nozzles for long-term use. Perfect for all hair types, it’s a great way to get a smooth, high-shine finish. This hair dryer is priced at $198. Photo Ownership/Copyright: n:p beautiful

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+ +H F EO R OFDO O D

Skip the Inflammation:

Three Decadent and Cauliflower-Based Recipes By Amy Lacey When you need to avoid certain foods — either for health reasons or dietary preferences — dining out can be frustrating. Yes, the struggle to find satisfying foods that work with our dietary needs is real, according to Amy Lacey, author of “Cali'flour Kitchen: 125 Cauliflower-Based Recipes for the Carbs You Crave.” Still, you're not doomed to a lifetime of lackluster food. If you're sick of studying restaurant menus in search of something you can eat that fits within your dietary lifestyle, just skip the hassle – and the crowds – and make your own feast that's naturally free of the foods you want or need to avoid. “Certain foods can cause inflammation and lead to health problems for many people,” Lacey said. “For some, it's grains like wheat and rice; for others, it's processed sugar or dairy. Either way, you don't have to miss out on the satisfying dishes you crave most on special occasions.” Lacey is the founder of Cali'flour Foods, a national brand famous for its grain-free cauliflower-

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based pizza crusts, crisps, flatbreads, pasta and more. After being diagnosed with lupus and other autoimmune conditions, she used dietary changes to combat her pain, inflammation and other symptoms. Upon giving up gluten and processed sugar, her health instantly improved. However, Lacey wasn't ready to forgo her favorite foods. Instead, she set out to recreate them using cauliflower — a versatile superfood with abundant health benefits — and began selling her crusts online and in stores, to national acclaim. Now for the first time, she is sharing her award-winning recipes with the world. She designed meals for people across the dietary spectrum, providing perfect, guilt-free recipes for every carb-heavy craving, whether you're eating vegan, dairy-free, keto, paleo or a plant-based diet. For those suffering from health issues like diabetes and autoimmune diseases, she reintroduces those favorites that have long been forsaken, reinventing them to include a full serving of vegetables.

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+ FOOD

Italian Bread Salad Serves 2

Gluten-free | Grain-free | Paleo* | Keto-friendly | Vegetarian *If making the bread with ghee

Juicy, ripe tomatoes make this dish, so hold out for the season and seek out beautiful heirloom tomatoes of varying colors. Feel free to add other vegetables, such as sliced cucumber or bell pepper.

Ingredients: 1 pound (455 g) juicy ripe tomatoes, cored and cut into bite-size pieces 1/4 teaspoon sea salt, plus more as needed

Directions:

1 tablespoon red wine vinegar

1. Put the tomatoes in a strainer set over a bowl. Add the salt and toss. 2. Set aside at room temperature to drain, tossing a few times, for 15 to 30 minutes. 3. Remove the strainer from the bowl and whisk the vinegar, mustard, garlic and pepper into the bowl with the tomato juice. Whisk in the oil. 4. Add the tomatoes, bread, onion, basil, and mint to the dressing and toss to coat. 5. Taste and add more salt and pepper if needed.

1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard 1 clove garlic, pressed through a garlic press 1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, or to taste 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 3 slices New White Bread (page 30), cut into 1/2-inch (12-mm) cubes and toasted well 1/4 small red onion, thinly sliced 1/4 cup (10 g) lightly packed fresh basil leaves, torn 1/4 cup (10 g) lightly packed fresh mint leaves, torn

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+ FOOD

Pear and Honey Tartlets Makes 6

Gluten-free | Grain-free | Keto-friendly | Vegetarian

These no-cook little tarts highlight ripe seasonal pears with a drizzle of honey to bring out their natural sweetness. Thick, dark buckwheat honey adds a strong molasses flavor that stands out against creamy mascarpone, but you can use any pourable honey. Make sure to use a plain crust for this recipe, and save the scraps left from cutting out the crust circles to make breadcrumbs. Ingredients: 1 Cali'flour Pizza Crust 3 tablespoons mascarpone cheese or crème fraîche, at room temperature 1 small ripe pear, cored and cut into slices to fit the crust circles 1 tablespoon runny honey, preferably buckwheat honey Ground cardamom

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 425F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. 2. Use a 2 ½ to 3-inch cookie cutter or the top of a drinking glass to cut out 6 rounds of crust. 3. Place on the prepared baking sheet and bake, turning once, until they are crispy and well browned, 7 to 10 minutes. Remove from the oven and cool. 4. Spread 1-1/2 teaspoons of the mascarpone over each crust. Top with pieces of pear and drizzle the honey on top. 5. Finish with a sprinkle of cardamom.

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Shrimp and Cauliflower Leaf Grits

+ FOOD

Serves 4

Gluten-free | Grain-free | Keto-friendly

Ingredients: 6 cups (780 g) Cauliflower Rice 2 cloves garlic, pressed through a garlic press 1/2 cup (120 ml) chicken stock 3/4 teaspoon sea salt, or to taste 1/2 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper, plus more for topping 1/4 cup (60 ml) heavy cream 2 tablespoons unsalted butter 1/2 cup (55 g) shredded Cheddar cheese 1/4 cup (25 g) grated Parmesan cheese, plus more for topping 1 pound (455 g) large shrimp, peeled and deveined 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1 cup (70 g) thinly sliced cauliflower leaves 1/2 teaspoon grated lemon zest 2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice, or to taste 1 tablespoon chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

This cauliflower rice takes on the classic is even easier to make and adds cauliflower leaves to the mix for their incredible flavor. If you don't have cauliflower leaves on hand, you can substitute bok choy.

Directions:

1. Heat the cauliflower rice and garlic in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring often, for 3 to 5 minutes to remove excess moisture from the cauliflower. 2. Add the stock, 1/2 teaspoon of the salt and the pepper, bring to a simmer, and cook for 3 minutes, or until the liquid is mostly absorbed and the cauliflower rice is slightly softened but still al dente. 3. Stir in the cream and butter until the butter is melted. Stir in the cheddar and parmesan cheeses until melted. 4. Remove from the heat. 5. Rinse the shrimp and pat dry with paper towels. Season with the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt. 6. In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the shrimp one by one in clockwise order around the edge of the pan without touching and cook without stirring until the shrimp start to turn pink, about 2 minutes. 7. Using tongs, turn the shrimp in the order you placed them in the pan and cook until the second side turns pink and the

shrimp are just about cooked through, about another 2 minutes. 8. Move the shrimp to one side of the pan, add the cauliflower leaves and cook for about 30 seconds to start to wilt them, then stir the leaves into the shrimp until fully wilted and the shrimp is cooked through. 9. Remove from the heat and add the lemon zest and juice. 10. Spoon the cauliflower rice into bowls and serve topped with the shrimp. Finish with a squeeze of lemon juice, a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese and the parsley and serve.

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+ HOME

Spring Perfection

Designing Your Table Settings with Inspiration from Strong Women with Distinct Taste By Edward Perrioti

EDWARD PERRIOTI

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+ HOME

iving in California, I try not to complain about the weather when it gets bad, but I can honestly say that I am tired of gray skies. Between all the rain and snow this year, I am counting the days until spring. This year more than ever, spring signifies rebirth and reconnection. I can’t think of a better place to draw my spring event design inspiration from than a couple of the strongest women to ever grace my life, my Grandmother Louise and Great Aunt Rose. Both loved to entertain, and I credit them for my obsession with the perfect table. At a very young age, they taught me that to entertain, one must be entertaining and to never forget that the details mater. As an event designer, I can show you how to embrace spring on your dining

table and in your home. Springtime for Aunt Rose: Aunt Rose loved spring, but more importantly, she loved the colors yellow and green. She always filled the house with flowers and fresh fruit, so let’s take a note from her and get inspired. Lemons and limes are your friends in spring, so stock up and use them. Fill your vases with whole or sliced versions to give your table beautiful textures and amazing aroma. Try loose clusters of lemons and limes on your table, play with them around your candles or create a fruit table runner — you can’t really go wrong. Next is flowers. Just like Aunt Rose, yellow signifies spring to me. I am a big believer in using one type of flower when it comes to floral design and massing it out, so pick one kind of

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+ HOME

flower and go for it! Add bunches of daffodils, daisies, Gerber daises or yellow elders to your table. I also love forsythia for some drama and height that looks amazing on a dining table or sideboard. When setting your table, use a color of dishware other than white. Try green, pair it with a soft white linen napkin and crisp table cloth. Keep your glassware and vases to basic clear glass, and let the bright colors do all the talking. Springtime for Grandma Louise: Grandma Louise had a ‘less is

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more’ aesthetic. She loved her African violets, dark oak wood and her eclectic China pieces that came from Italy in the 1940s. So, to follow Louise’s inspiration, let’s play with patterns, natural materials and the color purple. Purple is an amazing color that honestly excites me. Most people either forget about it or connect it to weddings, but don’t downplay its design power! On your tabletop, mix the patterns and textures of your dishes. Look for shades of purple, solid dark purple or a heavy purple floral design and play with different

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+ HOME

combinations. Add French-inspired glassware and simple gold flatware. Accent the table with candles, votives, etc. There’s no need for ornate candle holders — keep the candles raw and exposed. This will add a much-needed rustic feel to the strong royal color. Depending on your table, you will need to break up all the purple to create a balance. If your table is a light wood or lighter shade, then use a soft lavender linen runner. If your table is darker, then use a soft white lace runner. Now, onto the flowers. Amethyst

works very well, as do violets, but remember that with violets, you’ll need a lot to make an impact. Depending on the vibe you want to create and the availability of flowers where you live, bunches of lavender in a clear water pitcher is always a great back up plan. Grandma Louise and Aunt Rose were both my ‘Auntie Mame’s,’ as their zest for people, experiences and love of family was infectious. This season, I have no doubt they will be inspiring me to spring forward in color, textures and life — I hope you do as well.

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+ HAIR

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+ HAIR

THE END OF SCULPTED HAIRSTYLES

WELCOMES TOUSLED TREND By Christal Schanes

erfect, sculpted and neat hair is out. In 2019, it’s all about shiny, soft tousles and luxurious, moxie manes. If you like the hairstyles of Drew Barrymore, Selena Gomez and Lily Rabe or want to shake out your locks, then grab your styling wands and sea spray to create a natural, “living life to the fullest” look. One way to capture an on-the-go, youthful coiffure is a textured haircut like those worn by Cate Blanchett, Ruby Rose and Tilda Swinton. If you are a fan of wig wearing, then textured hair-dos will help with movement and offer a lightweight feeling. Moisture, hydration and shine is key to maintaining playful, smooth tresses. Show off your star-studded style and avoid dull, tangled, coarse and undefined hair with regular use of Shea Moisture’s Organic Coconut & Hibiscus Curl & Style Milk, or Cantu’s Coconut Curling Cream and a weekly apple cider vinegar rinse. You may wonder, “Why apple cider vinegar?” Perhaps you’ve even heard celebrities such as Fergie, Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson and Miranda Kerr attesting to its various beneficial qualities and uses. The main reason is its low pH level – 3 – and its slight acidity. To begin with, the acid mantle is critical to your hair’s luster. The outer layer of the hair shaft, also known as the cuticle, is composed of tightly packed overlapping scales. The acid mantle is key in making the cuticle scales lie flat, which gives hair a shiny, smooth appearance, and protects from mois-

ture loss. This structure can be disrupted, leading to unmanageable hair. The acid mantle pH scales at 5, which means it is slightly acidic. Many hair care products, treatments and some shampoos are more alkaline and have a pH above 7, which can contaminate or remove the acid mantle. When the acid mantle becomes alkaline, the hair swells and the scales on the cuticle open, leaving it susceptible to breakage, dullness and undefined curls. Because apple cider vinegar is slightly acidic, a rinse will repair the acid mantel in the hair, restoring the pH level and bringing back the luster by flattening the cuticle scales. When you take care of your hair and maintain its pH level, you repair the “luster” potential to create celebrity quality locks. Achieving the looks of stars like Julianne Hough, Sarah Paulson and Angelina Jolie is easy when you follow these steps. Define the curl by keeping your hair hydrated using your cream styling product, scrunch with a damp towel and let air dry when possible. When dressing up, pop a few curls in with a styling wand amongst your natural texture for a slightly more fashion forward, yet effortless look. For a modern touch on your curl, keep the ends of your hair a little straight and not fully wrapped on your curling iron. This creates an edgy rather than perfectly clamped curl. Feel like a Hollywood star with your healthy, defined curls this season. Shakira might even be jealous of your curls and volume.

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Forgotten Baby Syndrome 3 Things Every Parent Must Know

By Michael Braunold

ost parents assume they would never accidently forget their child in a car. Unfortunately, even the most loving parents have experienced near misses or even painful tragedies due to Forgotten Baby Syndrome (FBS), a medical term that explains how a parent can walk away from a car without realizing their child remains inside. My company, Elepho, utilizes smart technology to help prevent FBS. Our eClip attaches to a car seat, seat belt or diaper bag and sends alerts directly to your phone through our app. These alerts remind you to retreive your child from the car and can also alert you if the temperature in the car is too hot or cold. Hundreds of children have died in the U.S. from 24 HERS Mag azi n e | H ER H ealth

being forgotten in hot cars and the number is sadly increasing. In fact, 2018 had the highest number on record according to NoHeatstroke.org. The stories are heartbreaking, and they can happen to anyone at any time. Here are a few contributing factors all parents should be aware of: Motor Memory Takes Over in Daily Routines Each day, people perform tasks that become routine and very little conscious thought goes into them. Have you ever driven home from work and realized you have noxs recollection of the drive at all? It’s because that routine is now governed by a part in your brain called the motor cortex. Your motor memory is in charge, and therefore, allows you to hers-magazine.com

FA M I LY

think of other things while you drive — your dinner plans, grocery list, etc. When a change in your routine is thrown at you, like having to pick up your child at daycare when your husband is sick, your motor memory isn’t in control. When this happens, you might drive home and go inside as usual, completely forgetting your child is in the backseat. Multitasking Makes it Easy to Forget No matter how focused you are, no one can be 100 percent focused on one thing when they’re thinking about 100 different things. Most modern lives are fastpaced, hectic and people can become easily distracted. Because of this increase in multitasking, even the best parents can leave home on a stressful day and end up forgetting their baby. Technology is a Major Distraction Answering phone calls in the car while you’re driving can be a huge distraction. If you’re lost in conversation for a 20-minute drive, your quiet baby in the backseat is not top of mind. It’s easy to forget or accidentally ignore what is around you when you’re giving all of your attention to a phone conversation or even texting and browsing social media. No parent should assume they are immune to FBS. However, all parents should take the necessary precautions and put reminder alerts in place that will keep them from accidentally forgetting their baby in the car. The risks are not worth assuming this only happens to “bad parents.” Awareness and proactive mindfulness are key to keeping our babies safe.

Elepho's eClip.

Elepho's eClip app.

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SAN DIEGO

+ TRAVEL

k a e r B g n Sp ri Find your

e l y t S

in San Diego By Merilee Kern

With warm temperatures, 70 miles of beaches, world-class attractions and a dazzling array of dining and nightlife offerings, San Diego was made for play, especially during Spring Break. From kids and teens to fun-loving adults, there’s something for all ages to enjoy in sun-kissed San Diego. Whether visitors are seeking fun in the sun or the latest culinary trend, the following are nine ways to please spring breakers.

For the Beachgoer

Spring Break is synonymous with San Diego’s sun, surf and sand in popular Mission and Pacific Beaches, which features lively boardwalks of bars and restaurants. For family-friendly activities, La Jolla Shores is perfect for first-time surfers, and Mission Bay, the largest manmade aquatic park in the world, is also great for the whole family. Mission Bay's 27 miles of meandering coastline is a prime spot to set sail, jet ski, standup paddleboard, kayak, bicycle or simply sunbathe.

For Flower Peepers

Nearly perfect weather makes for spectacular springtime floral displays throughout San Diego. Blooms range from the annual wildflowers of AnzaBorrego Desert State Park, to The Flower Fields of Carlsbad California, where a kaleidoscope of colorful ranunculus’ entice all families. For an artsy take on the season, all ages can marvel at Art Alive at the San Diego Museum of Art in Balboa Park, a pageant of nearly 100 floral interpretations of the museum’s masterworks.

For Attraction Fanatics

For kids only, Spring Break in San Diego blooms with fun at two popular attractions. LEGOLAND California celebrates its 20th anniversary this spring, and throughout 2019, will be giving all children aged 12 and under free admission on their birthday. Spring Fling

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+ TRAVEL

at San Diego Natural History Museum in Balboa Park on March 24-30 will blend both art and science with interactive activities, mini tours, live animal encounters and more, highlighting the museum’s cool science departments: birds, mammals, botany, entomology, herpetology and paleontology.

For the Passport Stamp Collector

The over-18 crowd can enjoy a unique Cali-Baja Spring Break in San Diego, California’s premier twonation destination where south-of-the-border flavors, culture and a legendary nightlife scene converge in Tijuana, Mexico, just a short trolley ride away from downtown San Diego. Venture a bit further south to the coastal resort village of Rosarito, famous for its beach parties and Puerto Nuevo lobster. A valid passport is required for entry into Mexico and re-entry into the U.S.

For Discerning Drinkers

No password is needed for visitors aged 21 and up to enjoy San Diego’s latest nightlife sensation: speakeasies. The Parisian-style Raised by Wolves in La Jolla impresses those “in the know” with a chic bottle shop. The bottle shop in the Convoy District, San Diego’s Asian Restaurant Row, welcomes the nightlife crowd with a dreamy, 1920s-era inspired hideaway reflecting the owners’ Asian heritage. The shop includes a carved jade bar, lotus-shaped booths, suspended cloud sculptures, a Chinoiserie-wallpapered hallway and other eye-catching décor.

For the Musically Minded

San Diego’s signature electronic music fest, CRSSD Festival on March 2-3 features dozens of internationally acclaimed DJs and musical acts, including Armand Van Helden, Phantogram, Odesza and more, attracting more than 15,000 music fans from throughout the U.S. The 21-and-up fest’s daytime vibe at downtown’s Waterfront Park is unparalleled, where attendees can indulge in local craft beer and gourmet food.

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For S’mores Aficionados

As the sun dips over the Pacific, a beach bonfire is the perfect way to end Spring Break. San Diego’s nearly 200 beach fire pits on Coronado Beach, La Jolla Shores and Mission Bay are available on a first come, first serve basis. Sweeten the experience by purchasing s’mores kits at the Catamaran Resort, Bahia Resort or Paradise Point Resort on Mission Bay, and the Kona Kai Resort on Shelter Island. For visitors who want to sit back, relax and let someone else do the work, the Beach Fire Guy can create the ideal beach bonfire, from a family s’mores party to a large sunset shindig.

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+ TRAVEL

For Outdoor Adventurers

San Diego’s great outdoors beckons spring breakers of all ages to bask in the sun while hiking the region’s beautiful, diverse terrain. The trails of Balboa Park are particularly inviting in the spring as its gardens and canyons are in full bloom, especially through Florida Canyon. The dramatic sandstone bluffs of Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve are a must-see, where visitors can take in the surf below along Blacks Beach.

For the Culinary Curious

San Diego’s many food halls are a popular option for visitors to explore the city’s flavors with a range of tasty options all under one roof, including the new Little Italy Food Hall, Liberty Public Market and the new Windmill Food Hall in Carlsbad scheduled to open this spring with its very own speakeasy.

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+ FA I T H & S P I R I T UA L I T Y

Women & Politics By Helena Sturnick

pirit and spirited are words with meanings that refer to our non-physical elements — our emotions, character and souls. For the purposes of this article, I’ll clarify the definition of spirt and spirited by referring to the positive empowerment and inspiration of our hearts, emotions and souls by forces greater than ourselves. We can, for example, refer to spirited work as a mission or a calling. Maria Cantwell, a Washington senator, says, “Public service as a lifetime calling.” Gwen Moore, a congresswoman

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in Wisconsin, states, “My mission is to fight for programs that will help lift up poor women and children.” In a similar vein, Nydia Velazquez, a congresswoman in New York, articulates being “infused with a deep belief that all of us can change the world for the better.” Pramila Jayapal, a congresswoman in Washington, says, “I stand on the shoulders of so many women who paved the way — legendary she-roes like Shirley Chisholm.” Many of the women politicians use words such as “obligations,” “responsibility” and “duty” to express their motivations. Kay Granger,

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+ FA I T H & S P I R I T UA L I T Y

sspir piriite tedd aa cc tt ii oo nn a congresswoman in Texas, explains, “I have a responsibility towards those who educated me to give them my best and to live up to the promises I made.” Ohio’s congresswoman Marcia Fudge puts it this way, “It is our duty as women to not only be the voice of the people who elected us, but to be the voice of women not yet in the room.” A new standard is now being set. We have over 100 elected women representatives in the United States House of Representatives. In Nevada, women are the majority in both houses of the state legislature. And, for the first time, over 2,000 women now serve in legislatures across the country. As I read through the numerous interviews with newly elected and returning congresswomen, there was such a strong spirit of energy, vision and commitment, and I felt goosebumps from their genuine, moving comments. Joni Ernst, a senator in Iowa, captured the emotion when she said, “Being a woman in power means knowing it’s ok to be fierce.” The striking impression overall is that these women do dare to be fierce and courageous. Their motivations are spirited, and their convictions are fierce. These empowered women focus on three aspects of energizing their social policy agendas: power, leadership and mentorship.

power in more egalitarian ways — seeing it as a cooperative tool for positive change, rather than competitive manipulation. In effect, positive power expands to “mean speaking truth,” as Kamala Harris, a Californian senator, states.

Leadership:

Power connects to theories of leadership. The concept of shared leadership articulated by most women is more than a tool for cooperation — it is an invitation to innovative thinking, inclusivity, diversity and different perspectives. Women leaders speak of fostering an environment for “profound listening,” since this also creates learning. Virginia A. Foxx, a North Carolina congresswoman, expresses that one goal of leadership is “to teach people how to think, which shape[s] our present and our future.”

Mentorship:

These spirited women see active mentorship as another essential for shaping the present and future. They are not selfish nor restrictive about leadership ranks, and they speak of making space for successors, pulling other women up the ladder, opening doors and clearing the path for more women. They also stress the importance of having each other’s backs. Amazing change is possible in politics as a result of women’s convictions and visions for a more just world. Native American Deb Haaland, a congresswoman in New Mexico, has spoken these powerful words that apply to many other spirited women in politics, “Congress has never heard a voice like mine.”

Power:

The perception that power is a limited commodity catalyzes competitiveness and scarcity. If the table of power is limited in size, then there are never enough seats to include women and minorities. Fortunately, women now entering politics express

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+ BEAUTY

CHEMIST

Are these ‘chemist-approved’ products worth it?

Victoria Fu and Gloria Lu, founders of Chemist Confessions

Confessions

BY B RO O K E A L L E N

fter working with a major beauty company to create skincare products, chemical engineers Victoria Fu and Gloria Lu noticed a trend. They saw firsthand how the skincare industry deceptively marketed certain miracle ingredients, calling it “just smoke and mirrors.”

Because consumers were being deceived about product ingredients that promise to enhance the skin or erase problems, Fu and Lu created their own skincare line, Chemist Confessions. They first decided to educate the public about the ingredients they were exposing themselves to by starting an Instagram account. Their account debunks myths and explains what makes ingredients good and bad.

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Lu said they created the account “out of frustration” from the lack of transparent marketing. Common marketing phrases can be easily manipulated to heighten the appeal of products. “A popular phrase is ‘antioxidant-rich' or ‘Vitamin C-rich' or ‘nutrient-rich.' We get it — it works, and for the most part it's not bad,” Lu said. “But it's definitely misleading to what that amount of ingredients is going to actually do for you, which, for the most part, it's probably not as impressive.” They say a good skincare regimen involves four basic categories: cleanse, moisturize, sun protection, and actives treatments. Thus, they created four, “skin-loving” products: Balm Voyage, Aquafix, Mr. Reliable and The Better Oil. Here is a review of their products: hers-magazine.com

+ BEAUTY

B AL M VOYAGE

AQUA FI X

As somebody who incessantly picks at my lips even though I know it's bad, a nourishing lip balm is a necessity. I've ventured out and tried so many different lip balms. Balm Voyage is a petroleum-based balm that glides on like a lip gloss and is free of essential oils and has no scent. It also doesn't taste all that great, but I didn't find that to be a deal breaker. I personally hate the feel of lip gloss, and that was my deal breaker. If you prefer a lightweight balm that gives a nice shine to your lips, then I highly recommend this. I prefer a more heavy-duty balm that really coats my lips and soothes all the cracks I create from picking at the loose skin. However, if you're actually nice to your lips (unlike me) and don't pick at them, then I suggest snagging this product. Balm Voyage costs $29.

This product is unlike anything I've ever tried. Aquafix is an oil-free water gel, and it honestly feels just like rubbing thickened water on your face. Water and glycerin are the main ingredients in this versatile gel. Aquafix is a premoisturizer that acts as an extra layer of defense to help boost hydration levels. This scent-free gel glides on the face easily and is ultra-lightweight. When using this product, I couldn't quite tell if it made a huge difference with my dry skin. I always use jojoba oil under my moisturizer for extra hydration, so I hoped Aquafix would replace the oil, but even after layering Aquafix, I still wanted to reach for the oil to smooth my dry patches. Oil is highly beneficial for my dry skin, so if oil tends to cause breakouts for you or is too heavy, then Aquafix would be a good choice. Aquafix costs $35.

TH E BETTER O I L

M R. R EL I AB L E

This oil was my second favorite product in the line because it was the most hydrating for my skin. The oil features a blend of sea buckthorn, black currant and rosehip oils — these ingredients helped soothe any left-over dry patches I still had and truly left me with glowing skin. The only downside this oil has is the scent. This has a very strong floral scent that lingers, and I found myself not wanting to use it simply because of the odor. I wanted to love this oil, but my nose kept sabotaging my feelings. If strong scents aren't a deal breaker for you, then I would suggest buying this product before any of the other products in the chemist's line. This oil gave instant life to my skin by making it dewy and glowing — if they ever make a scent-free oil, then I'm buying it immediately. The Better Oil costs $39.

This was by far my favorite product from the chemist's skincare line. Mr. Reliable is a lightweight moisturizer that has a slight floral scent that I loved. I am hypersensitive to scents, so subtle fragrances are a must for me. Water and glycerin are the main ingredients, and it also features Boswellia serrata extract as a skin smoothing ingredient. This moisturizer did not suffocate my face — however, it was a bit too lightweight for my skin in the winter. My nose and forehead have a lot of flakes in the winter that are so stubborn, and once again, oil tends to be the only thing that works. This is a perfect moisturizer for the summer, or for people who have normal to oily skin. Mr. Reliable costs $35. March / Ap ril 2 0 1 9 | H ERS M ag az i ne 33

+ F E AT U R E

By Elizabeth Nouryeh

mily Lilly is a certified badass — literally, she has the tab to prove it. According to the YMCA, women between the ages of 30-39 can do around 10-21 push-ups, but at 34, Lilly can do at least 49 pushups. While Lt. Lilly did not grow up in an immediate military family, she had always been an athletic tomboy. By the end of April 2018, Lilly became the first female National Guard soldier to successfully complete the Ranger Assessment and Selection Program (RASP). After 10 years working retail management, Lilly had the urge to do something that would benefit her community and her two children. Lilly came across a posting for the West Virginia National Guard and decided to enlist. Lilly was commissioned as an ordinance officer, meaning she is responsible “for ensuring that weapons systems, vehicles and

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equipment are ready and available — and in perfect working order — at all times,” according to the National Guard website. When combat positions officially opened up to women in 2015, ushering in the Army’s integration of women into ground combat units, Lilly felt the tug to go to Ranger School. She had to change military branches to do so, though. A major role in the decision was her grandpa, who had served in the U.S. Army. Her grandpa attended Virginia Military Institute, where he graduated in 1936. His love of riding horses lead him to becoming a cavalry officer. When WWII erupted, he trained to be a tanker, then deployed to Africa and Sicily. “I rebranched so that I could follow in the footsteps of my grandfather,” Lilly said. “Technically, I'm in a cavalry squadron, so I've been a scout platoon leader, and now I'm working in the logistics office for

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F E AT U R E

Lt. Emily Lilly

An All-American Woman

Photo by Luke Sohl

a cavalry squadron, but I'm still an armor officer.” Lilly says that when the army first opened Ranger School to women in 2015, several women attempted to complete the school, and a few were successful. Before Lilly began the program, 12 active duty women passed the course. “[Ranger School is] considered to be one of the most elite leadership schools that the military offers because it’s a combination of being a small group’s tactical leader, but also being able to survive and thrive in the cusp of all elements,” Lilly says. “Few people even get the chance.” Ranger School consists of three phases over 62 days: Benning for 21 days, Mountain Phase for 20 days, and Swamp Phase for 17 days. During the first week, soldiers must undergo a Ranger Assessment Phase, a weeklong entrance exam heavily focused on personal fitness. Regardless of gender or age,

ranger hopefuls must complete 49 pushups, 59 sit-ups, a 5-mile run and 6 chin-ups in under 40 minutes. From there, students go on to test their land navigation skills at night and during the day. Soldiers must successfully complete land navigation without GPS, and with only a compass, map and protractor. Once soldiers have completed land navigation, they must complete the Malvesti Confidence Course, which contains the infamous "worm pit." In the worm pit, ranger students must crawl through mud underneath knee-high barbed wire. On the final day of RAP week, students must complete a 12-mile ruck march carrying about 35-40 pounds on their backs. “Units may not send people because they know they won't make it past the first week,” Lilly explains. “Each phase, you would be permitted to do it multiple times. Although, if you fail the same thing more than once, they'll usually drop you from the course.”

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+ F E AT U R E

According to Fort Benning’s website, after RAP week, less than half the class will likely continue to the Darby phase (part of Benning). The site also stated, “This phase begins with fastpaced instruction on troop leading procedures, the principles of patrolling, demolitions, field craft and basic battle drills, such as squad ambush and react to contact.”

Lt. Lilly pictured with another soldier. The second phase of Ranger School, the Mountain Phase, takes place in the North Georgia mountains. Ranger students battle rugged terrain and often severe weather as they are trained in mountaineering, mobility, combat patrols, and survival skills. Because this phase is so physical, Lilly says that body mass and age are the main disadvantages students face. “In that mountain phase, especially in the winter, trying to walk over mountains carrying up to 125 pounds on your back in the snow and in the mud, obviously if you're a 6-foot-tall guy who weighs 200 pounds, that's going to be easier for you than for a 125 pound woman who’s carrying her total body weight on her back and has shorter legs than that guy does,” Lilly explains. The last phase of Ranger School is the Florida Phase, located in Camp Rudder on Eglin Air Force Base, Florida. This third and final phase tests students on water survival and leadership and small platoon tactics. By the time ranger students reach the Florida Phase, they are typically exhausted 36 HERS Mag azi n e | H ER Feature

From left, U.S. Army Capt. Kristen Griest, Maj. Lisa Jaster and 1st Lt. Shaye Haver share a moment following Jaster's graduation from Ranger School on Fort Benning, Ga., Oct. 16, 2015. (U.S. Army/Staff Sgt. Alex Manne/ Released)

Lt. Lilly being photographed with another soldier.

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+ F E AT U R E

mentally and physically. Meanwhile, students have formed strong bonds with each other, bonding over the difficulty of the course. Lilly mentioned that one of her friends repeated the Florida phase four times until he graduated. “I remember when we found out that he was going to graduate, it was like everybody celebrated because everybody was so over the moon that he was finally going to graduate,” Lilly recalls. “We knew that he had pushed so hard and stayed there for so much longer, everybody was just celebrating that he was going to graduate.” She reinforces that the fact that the school is all about teamwork and that students cannot be successful on their own. Lilly herself did three Florida phases until she was able to graduate, yet the entire time, her friends stood alongside her. As one of the few women going through Ranger School at that time, Lilly says the school has not adjusted to having female students. The only showers available were for men, and she often had to decide between making her fellow soldiers wait until she finished showering or decide to shower with the men. Ranger School is a 62-day program designed

to push soldiers to their limits. Lilly stressed that ranger students have to “pour their entire heart and soul” into the program. According to Army officials, only about 40 percent of men successfully complete the course on average, and only about 25 percent of Ranger School students graduate without having to repeat at least one phase. “You have to prepare in ways that maybe you didn't even think about preparing because mentally it’s going to be the toughest thing you've never done, physically it's going to be the toughest thing you've ever done,” Lilly says. “It's going to be difficult in ways that you could never imagine.” However, according to Lilly, the reward of being able to earn the tab to complete the course that some of the strongest cannot even complete is incredible. “You can't take away the experiences I’ve gained from this school. I knew that I had changed as a person, I had changed as a leader and had changed in my decision-making abilities in ways that I did not change in basic training or in my basic officer training. That changed me as a person in ways that it's hard for me to even describe, but I could feel the difference.”

Ranger School Facts About Women Capt. Kristen Griest and Capt. Shaye Haver became some of the Army’s first female infantry officers after completing Ranger school in 2015. They serve as the first female infantry company commanders in the 82nd Airborne Division. Staff Sgt. Amanda Kelley, 29, was the first enlisted woman to earn her Ranger qualification on Aug. 31, 2018. Kelley is a warfare specialist with the 1st Armored Division’s combat aviation brigade.

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n e p O

Navigating

Relationships

pen relationships are becoming more and more popular among celebrities and within pop culture. Comedian DeRay Davis explained to the hosts of “The Real” how he manages his two live-in girlfriends, which he calls a “three-lationship.” At the time of the interview, he had been with one woman five years and the other nearly three years. “They are very comfortable because I’m very open,” he shared. Clarifying that he is not a player, he added, when asked about marriage, “They can get married, and then I’ll be with them. I like how it works out that way.” While Davis jokingly makes it seems that his open relationship works well, there are definitely challenges, such as jealousy, that commonly infect these arrangements. Here are tips and advice from relationship expert and VP of Dating.com, Maria Sullivan, about how to successfully navigate an open relationship or marriage.

As "open marriage" pops up more often in the headlines, do you think it's actually becoming more popular or are we just hearing more about it? "Open Marriage" is definitely not a new concept, but it has become more widely accepted because it has been talked about more frequently, removing some of the taboo. As people age and mature, the idea of emotionless, casual fun is considered as mere enjoyment, rather than infidelity. With social media putting people's lives on display, it is

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By Annette Johnson

easy to take a deep dive into someone's livelihood, without even getting to know them. Because of this, it seems more popular for couples to go open, meanwhile, it's just easier for everyone to see.

Under what conditions might an open marriage be a good option for a couple? It's best to set boundaries and rules. Abiding to a set of rules will help avoid any 'jealousy' questions. We find that many men and women join dating sites, such as ours, to simply communicate with people around the world. It's an easy first step into an "Open Marriage," as it gives an alternative means to talk about intimate details with someone, which can be an outlet for some that may actually improve someone's current relationship.

How might previously monogamous couples navigate this world? Marriage is a transition in and of itself. Getting two individuals to view marriage from completely new perspective becomes harder – but not impossible. The best thing to do is find ways to break up your daily routine. Cozy up on the couch, pour that glass of wine and, together, take date night online. Talking to new people while you are both in the same room can help to break the taboo and might even bring some fantasies to life. This can be an exhilarating way for both of you to ease into an open relationship.

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+ R E L AT I O N S H I P S

How might significant life events, such as having a child, affect the terms of an open marriage? It's not normal to structure your life based upon blanketed societal norms. Major life events are a part of any marriage, whether it be open or exclusive, and, if the relationship has a strong foundation, marital terms need not shift. If a family is something that you and your partner want, then make it happen. Your sexual relations can be completely separate to the shared goals you have. One of the perks of an open marriage is the new situational perspective from another partner that often times is just what is needed to solve a deep-rooted problem. Apply this to any issue you are faced with and your relationship will be capable of navigating life's biggest twists and turns.

What are some important "rules" you think couples should consider before opening up a relationship? Once a married couple agrees to try an open marriage, it is imperative that they discuss boundaries before anyone crosses them. People's emotions can run high when it comes to outside relationships, so determining what is okay and what is not will make the open marriage more likely to be successful. In open marriages, I have seen work before, but it's common to determine the "how many times" rule. When engaging in any relations outside of the marriage, how many times can you hookup with said person before it becomes an affair? Maybe you agree to one-night stands or seeing a person a maximum of three times. This can help ensure each partner that they will not be replaced. Another rule to determine is whether or not emotional conversation/romance can be had. If the open agreement is to fulfill sexual relations only, is it okay to build emotional ties? Consider banning the exchanging of phone numbers or social media with anyone you meet outside of the relationship to avoid emotional cheating.

all night and do way more harm than good. Some things are better left unsaid. The less you know, the less this life change will plague you. If you find that this is too much too handle, than maybe an open marriage isn't as much of a fit for you as you thought.

The Internet explosion and social media craze has, of course, made it easier to meet people and spread ideas. How do you think modern times has helped influence non-traditional romantic arrangements? In recent years, society has seen mainstream celebrities move away from settling down. Marriage has become sort of an afterthought, rather than an obvious choice, and more and more couples divorce or breakup due to infidelity. Aside from societies latch onto pop culture and celebrity behaviors, online dating has created a massive shift in the way people view relationships. With the swipe of a screen, you can meet someone new in your area. Because of easy access to millions of beautiful, fun people, society has become less and less receptive to settling down and taking things seriously. It's kind of the mentality, "If you don't want what I want, I'll just find someone that will." There's always someone waiting on the other end of the phone who may be receptive to an open relationship or keeping things casual. Before the digital age, you had to take what you could get, and you would be way more afraid to lose it. This is enough to push married couples to push the boundaries and see what else is out there, because they can!

What are some things you would advise against doing in an open marriage? While it might be hard, I would advise that open couples stay away from talking about any relations they have had outside of the marriage. If you agree to an open marriage, you are welcoming the fact that your partner may sleep with someone else. Knowing all of the details: their name, where they live, how they met, will just keep you up

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Top 5 tips on

How People Can Reduce Belly Fat By Ilana Muhlstein

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1. foods to eat to reduce belly faT? Water-filled veggies are great for helping you lose weight and stay regular, so you can relieve bloat. Some great examples are tomatoes, cucumbers and zucchinis that are rich in potassium, which can also help release water retention you may be carrying in your stomach.

2. foods to avoid? Research has shown that cortisol, our stress hormone, can cause abdominal weight gain. Meaning that if you are stress eating, you will likely not just gain weight, but gain it in your lower stomach. Therefore, it is a good idea to avoid stress eating in general and find better coping strategies for dealing with stress. Examples like, calling a friend, taking a walk or long shower, doing yoga or another workout, meditating and/ or journaling. And the foods we reach for when we're stressed are typically higher in fat, refined carbohydrates and sugar, which can be addictive and lead to excess weight gain. Therefore, it is a good idea to keep these trigger foods out of sight and out of mind, and not bring them home, especially during stressful times.

3. How to keep belly fat off for good? Clear the counter tops of sliced bread, jars of cookies, bowls of candies and boxes of cereal. Replace it with great things that can be helpful immediately

if feeling hungry, like a water cooler, boxes of cherry tomatoes (my daughter reaches into these daily for a quick snack), and a bowl of apples. You should also have things that keep you thinking about your healthy lifestyle. Some examples are a tea or coffee station, some veggies that need cooking, like spaghetti squash, turnips and onions, and a Shakeology or smoothie station (if there is still room).

4. my favorite core-flattening Recipes? I like to make a chocolate Shakeology shake with half a cup of water, half a cup of coconut water, ice and a scoop each of the Shakeology Power Greens and Digestive Health Boosts. This recipe tastes like delicious chocolate ice cream, but is only 250 calories. It also has 20 grams of protein, which helps stave off hunger and cravings, and 13 grams of fiber, which helps keep you regular because constipation is definitely not “core flattering.”

5. Limiting sugar intake? I always keep a little “mommy drawer” that contains mint gum in the kitchen. I find that if someone is craving chocolate, brushing their teeth with mint toothpaste could crush that craving, and chewing gum makes it really hard to also chew a mouthful of pasta or teriyaki beef stir fry.

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+ BEAUTY

Why Her Homemade

Soaps & Lotions Matter Sydney Caylor Pours Her Heart, Soul and Hemp Oil into Each Bar and Balm By Brooke Allen

ydney Caylor was “tired” of beauty companies using misleading marketing terms, such as “natural,” so she decided to form her own soap company, Body, Soul and Soap. Her company uses ingredients without “sulfates, metals, dyes, alcohol and other unnecessary chemicals.” With the lack of government regulation regarding beauty products, Caylor said she wants to bring awareness to this issue. “I want others to know that when they use my products, they can have complete peace of mind knowing there are no unnecessary or harmful chemicals in any product I make,” she said. Hemp seed oil is the main ingredient in many of her products, including her soaps, scrubs, serums and lotions. “Hemp seed oil is full of omegas and fatty acids that feed your skin vital nutrients it craves,” Caylor said. According to Caylor, hemp seed oil is also beneficial for acne-prone skin, aging skin and skin conditions like eczema and psoriasis. It took her a year to formulate the perfect recipes that she would feel “100 percent comfortable knowing loved ones and friends would be using it.” She added, “I never thought I could really run a business, but I did it! I truly believe in my products and the ingredients I put in them and that keeps me motivated to keep up the work and become a better business woman.” Here is a review of some of her products:

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Activated Charcoal Soap Bar Activated charcoal has always been this kind of weird, foreign ingredient to me. I’m not too familiar with its benefits, so I was excited to actually try a product with this “mysterious” ingredient. According to Beauty, Soul and Soap, activated charcoal removes dirt, oil and toxins from pores. I can’t say for sure it did all that, but my body did feel squeaky clean after using this bar. This is a great soap for people who sweat a lot and feel like they need extra help when removing dirt. This bar is $8.

Pink Salt Peppermint Scrub Make sure you’re a big fan of peppermint oil before purchasing this because it packs a strong fragrance. This scrub will leave your body smelling of peppermint for a good while, which I enjoyed. The peppermint also felt tingly, which was interesting. The scrub also has dead sea salt, pink Himalayan salt and sugar, so all of these exfoliants really help get rid of dead skin. This scrub left me feeling oily after washing, but in a good way — I felt moisturized. This scrub is $15.

Relaxing Lavender Soap Bar This smells heavenly — I’m a big sucker for anything with lavender. This bar features hemp, olive, coconut and palm oil as the main ingredients. Not only does it smell great, but it also has a nice lather and leaves your skin feeling nourished. A lot of soaps will make my skin feel tight, but this left my skin feeling amazing. This was by far my favorite soap. I loved the subtle scent as well. This bar is $8.

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Fraidy Reiss

Escaping a Death Wish Sentenced by an Entire Community

BrookeAllen Allen ByByBrooke

ithin her first week of marriage at 19 years old was when Fraidy Reiss’ husband threatened her life. He would describe in graphic detail how he planned to kill her. He often put his fists through walls, leaving gaping holes. Reiss, now 42, was pressured into an arranged marriage by her family. Growing up in an ultraOrthodox Jewish community, arranged marriages at a young age was a common occurrence. In fact, every single person she knew as a teenager was already in an arranged marriage. She feared still being single by her 20th birthday.

In Orthodox Jewish communities, matchmakers are sometimes hired by families to find marriage partners. Once Reiss’ matchmaker found a possible spouse and her parents approved of the suitor, her wedding date was set for three months away. The “dates” with her match could only be in public places and no physical contact was allowed. Still, signs of her future husband’s abusive behavior quickly surfaced. Reiss said, “Twice when we were out on our so-called ‘dates,’ he got into physical fights with other strangers on the street, like rolling around on the ground and physical, punching, violent fights.”

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Even with his problematic behavior, Reiss continued with the marriage. If she were to refuse the wedding, then it would be an insult to her family. Scared of offending her parents, she stayed quiet about his behavior, not even reaching out to friends. Reiss also blames her young age and lack of dating experience for agreeing to marry him. She said, “I was a 19-year-old clueless virgin who had never been in a relationship before. I never dated before, so it wasn't just the age, it was more the experience and maturity level.” Reiss was also told by her matchmaker that if she were to turn down her future husband, then the possibility of finding a different match was slim. She compares matchmakers to car dealers because of their “aggressive” nature. According to Reiss, matchmakers use scare tactics to push brides into marrying because “they only get paid if there is an engagement.” When Reiss and her ex-husband married after Photo by TEDxFoggyBottom

"He never physically assaulted me, but was constantly breaking things, smashing things, threatening to kill me and describing to me in detail how he would kill me.” their three-week engagement, his temper escalated, and he turned his anger towards her. She said, “He never physically assaulted me, but was constantly breaking things, smashing things, threatening to kill me and describing to me in detail how he would kill me.” Not only was her life controlled, but her body was also. She was not allowed to use birth control and was also “required” to have sex with her husband. So, 11 months after her wedding, her first child was born. She also had a second daughter soon after, and the children “only made [the abuse] worse.” At the age of 27, Reiss filed a restraining order against her husband. She was secretly seeing a therapist outside of the Jewish community, and the therapist urged her to file the restraining order. Reiss didn’t even know she had the ability to take legal action against her husband.

Once the community learned of the restraining order, everybody, including her family, turned against her. She was told, “How dare you do something so awful. Who goes to the secular authorities? That's a sin punishable by death.” She said, “The community's reaction to the restraining order was so severe. That's what made me think, ‘Oh my God, these people are just going to let me die here.’” The entire community ran to her ex-husband’s aid and took action against the restraining order. The rabbis sent an Orthodox Jewish male attorney to Reiss’ house to drive her to family court, where he forced her to stand in front of the judge and drop the restraining order. “It was when I was standing there in that courthouse when I thought, ‘This is absurd. I mean, this is crazy. These people do not care at all about my

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safety. They'd rather see [my husband] kill me than see me go to the so-called secular authorities to get help,’” Reiss said. Not only did Reiss fear for her own life, but she began to fear for her daughter’s lives also, so she formed an escape plan. She realized she had no money and no education, so she decided to enroll at Rutgers University to obtain a bachelor’s degree. After five years in college, she graduated at 32 and “was able to file for divorce, change the locks and get the hell out.” Life at university was like a different world for her. She said, “I had never taken a class before. I went to a high school where I learned how to cook, and I actually had to sign a paper in high school promising that I wouldn't take Driver's Ed.” High school was like “Jerusalem 15th century” for Reiss. After graduating college, Reiss bought a small house for herself and her two daughters. She said she felt “financially and emotionally stable” enough to buy her own home, and she decided to help other women who are in need of support

from forced and arranged marriages. With her “incredible sense of survivor’s guilt,” she founded Unchained at Last. Unchained at Last is a nonprofit organization which fights to eradicate child marriage in the United States, and also provides a safe haven for women trying to leave forced and arranged marriages. When she started helping women leave their marriages, she was “struck” with how much she had in common with women from different backgrounds and cultures. She said, “We just have so much in common because this is a form of gender violence that really transcends cultural and ethnic barriers. “This is a very widespread form of abuse that's happening in so many different communities and cultures and, to me, that's been very empowering and healing. Yeah, it's depressing that this is happening on such a widespread basis, but it's also empowering because that means we can all work on this together — we can all solve this together.” The majority of the women she helped all had a common story — their families encouraged the marriages. “We were

Photo by Unchained at Last

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betrayed by our own families,” Reiss said. “We were betrayed by our own parents, the ones who are supposed to love and protect us.” Reiss believes sexism is the reason why child marriage has not been legally banned, and she believes the government needs more female legislators to eliminate the present sexism. Although child marriage is illegal, there are numerous loopholes that allow adults to marry children under the age of 18. For example, with parent’s permission, underage children are allowed to marry adults. Also, if a judge approves of the wedding, then the marriage will be legal. According to Reiss, these loopholes are present because of old, sexist laws. She said, “What you can tell from the way these laws are written, in many cases, it's because there is a concern that this girl gets pregnant. For a very long time, legislators could not envision any other path forward for a pregnant teenage girl other than marriage.” She believes legislators are more concerned about babies being born in wedlock than the fact that young girls are being raped. With male legislators concerning over unmarried, pregnant girls, Reiss says these legislators are encouraging pedophiles to marry and rape their victims. “If you have sex with an underage girl, it’s rape and you’ll be charged, unless you marry her. Talk about encouraging child marriage and child rape,” Reiss said. Although child marriage is prevalent in the U.S., statistics are not widely known. According to Unchained at Last, around 248,000 children, as young as 12, were married in the U.S. between 2000 and 2010. Also, 77% of the children were minor girls wed to adult men, in most cases with a significant age difference. “I spend most of my day, every day, screaming about this and complaining to whoever will listen about it,” Reiss said. “I'm doing this constantly, but somehow the issue still remains a well-kept secret to a large extent. So, I'm trying to change that.” Although she receives backlash from people she identifies as pedophiles, she always reminds herself, “You’re not doing anything important if you’re not pissing at least one person off.”

Photo by Susan Landmann

Photo by Sarah Bosakowski

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+ FITNESS

Fit is About Feeling Great

By Janine Delaney

n today’s day and age, it’s easy to lose sight of what being fit really means. It’s almost impossible to browse through your Instagram feed and not come across post workout booty selfies. These images can often make women feel pressured into the search for perfection, so it’s simple to see how they can easily influence our younger generation of women. As a psychologist, fitness expert and mother of teenage daughters, Erin, 16, and Coach, 14, it is always in the forefront of my mind to lead by example and show my daughters that being fit is more than just what we look like. It’s about treating our bodies with respect, so we

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have the mental clarity and energy to feel our best each and every day. Of course, curves and muscles are always nice to have, but I like to think of those as an added benefit of working out, not the one and only objective. I remember during my first pregnancy when I found out I was having a girl, I raced to the store to buy a frilly pink dress with a matching hair bow for my baby girl. However, I put all the pretty clothes aside because I knew that what I wanted to teach her most was how to be strong, independent and confident. I wanted to share with her the values that I learned as a young girl — the most important being the appreciation for my good health. I knew that was

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a lesson I would pass on to my own children and was fortunate enough to have not just one, but two beautiful daughters to share this with. Since my daughters were young, it was important to me that they were able to make their own choices and I tried my best to subtly guide them along the way. Rather than ban certain snacks or mandate a daily visit to the playground, I went about living my healthy life and had them be curious observers. It was interesting to see how they took it all in, and as they grew, they began adopting some of my habits into their daily routines. They did this not because I told them to, but because they wanted to. My oldest daughter is currently preparing for college but still manages to find time each day to exercise because she says it clears her head and gives her energy. Hearing this, I know I have successfully accomplished one of my goals as a mother. While raising my two girls, I have always been keenly aware to avoid words like “pretty,” “fat” or “skinny.” Instead, I praised qualities that were less outwardly based and focused

more on intrinsic abilities — words like ambition, creativity and athleticism. These words described my daughter’s unique personalities and strengths, allowing them to care less about what people thought of them and more about what made them happy. Developing this selfawareness is an important step to realizing that exercise is a gift you give yourself to live a longer and better life. It allows you to choose activities you truly enjoy and are more likely to stick to. Although my daughters and I each have our own workout styles, we frequently exercise together and teach one another enjoyable new workouts. It’s a refreshing and rewarding experience and such a great way to spend quality time together. For all of you ladies out there, remember that being fit is not about fitting into a stereotypical ideal. Being fit is about being strong in mind, body and soul, and feeling confident in your own skin — ready to take on the world!

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oneWoman

Not

Recognizing and Stopping Domestic Violence in Our Communities By Grace Kelley

Feminists in Chile protesting domestic violencen in the streets.

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n July 15, 2015, the world watched in horror as Cindy Arlette Contreras Bautista was dragged by her hair through a hotel lobby by her former partner Adriano Pozo. When he was handed a short sentence for the violence in 2016, Contreras — and the world — were outraged. In this global spotlight, Contreras amplified the “Ni Una Menos” (“Not One More”) movement, which aims to raise awareness of gender-based domestic violence in South America and the rest of the world. For her activism, she was named an International Woman of Courage and was one of Time’s 100 Most Influential People, both in 2017. Contreras is rightfully lauded for her bravery in sharing her story, but her story is sadly not uncommon. In the United States, domestic violence is seen as a private family matter, or worse, only affecting women and not men, children and individuals in the LGBTQ community. While we have made some strides with the #MeToo movement, countless domestic violence survivors don’t speak out, not only for fear of retaliation, but also because the nature of this kind of abuse can make survivors feel like it’s their fault, or they have a hard time recognizing their abuse as abuse at all. I talked to several everyday women in the United States and Canada about their experiences with the four most common kinds of domestic abuse:

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1. Physical Abuse Physical abuse is the “classic” form of domestic violence that gets the most play in pop culture, with shows like “Big Little Lies,” “The Honeymooners,” and characters with abusive dynamics, like Harley Quinn’s relationship with the Joker, and songs like The Dixie Chicks’ “Goodbye Earl,” and also movie portrayals of abuse like in “The Color Purple.” However, in real life, it’s still largely flying under the radar. As more women than men graduate with college degrees, many women feel ashamed that they’re too “smart” to experience domestic abuse and should have seen the signs. This was a big impetus of Celeste Wright’s (Nicole Kidman) character in “Big Little Lies,” but the real women I spoke with echoed this sentiment. “I felt ashamed and weak,” said *Charlotte, 30, “because I knew what he was doing. I’d taken enough psychology classes to recognize the tactics he was using to control my behavior and make me do what he wanted me to do.” Furthermore, the domestic abuse signs that women are taught as teenagers in health class — if they’re covered at all — leave a lot to be desired. Wearing long sleeves/pants at seasonally inappropriate times or a black eye are commonly known signs of domestic abuse, but many women report that their abusers strike them in places that are covered by normal clothing, or abuse in ways that don’t leave specific marks, like shoving. Physical abuse can even happen when the perpetrator hasn’t laid a hand on the victim, such as abusing pets, deliberately breaking prized possessions, threatening harm with a weapon, withholding food or sleep from the victim or refusing to give an illness medical attention also counts as physical abuse.

2. Sexual Abuse

Marital rape only became a crime in all 50 U.S. states in 1993. That was the same year that Lorena Bobbitt escaped her abusive husband, John Bobbitt, by cutting off his penis in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, the shocking way she escaped her abuser turned her into a worldwide joke at the time. On Feb. 15, 2019, Oscar-winning filmmaker Jordan Peele released a four-part Amazon documentary series called “Lorena” delving into Lorena’s crime, case, its aftermath and how far (or not) we’ve come in the 25 years since the initial act.

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Sexual abuse is often tied closely with physical abuse. “If I denied him, he hit me. If I didn’t feel like it, I had to do it anyway,” said *Laci, 30. “I felt worthless and like I’d done something to deserve it.” *Natalie, 27, said, “I never thought he was abusing me. I thought it was normal, or that me denying him was me being selfish or that sex was supposed to hurt until I ‘got used to it.’” However, not all sexual abuse is physical. Many women report having their birth control tampered with, so their abusers can impregnate them and keep them in the relationship. This is called reproductive abuse. One in six pregnant women have reported being abused by their partners. The medical community is trying to stop this by implementing a policy of isolating pregnant women during doctor’s visits to give them a safe space to discuss if they’re being abused, but there is still so much further to go.

3. Emotional and Mental Abuse Emotional and mental abuse is rampant, but the nature of it makes many survivors doubt they experienced it. Gaslighting and constant putdowns make survivors feel like the problem isn’t that they’re being abused but that the problem comes from within — that they’re “too emotional.” “He would belittle my worth until I questioned myself,” said *Tig, 41. “I was too emotional. He considered me immature.” *Abby, 26, said, “I constantly wonder if the things I’m experiencing are real or if I’m just being overly sensitive or needy. People can tell me that [my partner’s] behavior is not ok, but it’s really hard not to feel like it’s just a phase as soon as he snaps out of the behavior.” It also doesn’t help that many behaviors that are colored as “romantic” can quickly turn abusive if left unchecked. Behaviors such as jealousy and possessiveness are cute and funny in a meme on Instagram, but less so when one’s living it. We joke about clearing one’s browser history when giving a computer or smartphone to our partner, but a partner who closely monitors your internet or phone habits is no laughing matter. Wearing the red dress because he likes it is cute, wearing the red dress because he told you that you look bad in everything else you own is not.

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4. Financial Abuse

As conversations about the wage gap and women’s unpaid domestic and emotional labor heat up, so do conversations about financial abuse. Financial abuse happens within 99 percent of domestic abuse cases. “He spent everything I tried to save,” said Tig. “There was always some emergency requiring the savings. Yet, there was always money for his chosen activities: concerts, vinyl, lottery tickets, alcohol, drugs, etc.” “He wouldn’t let me turn on the AC in the summer, claiming we didn’t have the money for it,” said Natalie. “As someone with heat-induced asthma, I would barely be able to breathe. There were even nights I would cry because I was so sick from the heat, but he would just say to sit in front of the fan instead of letting me turn on the AC. I would turn on the AC to sleep when he’d work the night shifts and make sure I was awake before he got home to turn it off and open the window to make it seem like I didn’t have it on.” Money is closely tied to power, so a partner who is controlling in other ways will try to control money, too. This can look like not allowing the victim to get a job, giving an allowance and monitoring how it’s spent, demanding receipts, placing their paycheck/earnings in a bank account they can’t access, withholding money for necessities, or even stealing money from them. Last October, tennis player Serena Williams and Allstate’s Purple Purse Foundation designed a purple suede backpack and donated the proceeds to financial abuse awareness. The Purple Purse Foundation also commissioned six street artists in six U.S. cities to paint murals with hidden messages such as “Financial abuse is hard to see,” only visible when viewed with the Moon filter on Instagram. “I’m proud to speak up for women who can’t use their voices and let them know we’re working to end the cycle of abuse,” said Williams. z

How to tell if you or a loved one is being abused, in addition to the signs discussed above: 1. Anxiety and depression symptoms (headache, nausea, fatigue) rise when having to face the person. 2. Apologizing too much and trying hard to have a timid or “inoffensive” personality. 3. Isolation from family and friends. 4. Low self-esteem. 5. Increased substance abuse. 6. The partner puts down or yells at you/ the loved one in public. The women I spoke with agree with Ni Una Menos. “I never expected my life to take this turn,” said Tig. “I hope it helps others.” “If it can help someone down the line, I’ll share my stories,” said Natalie.

*Names and identifying details have been changed.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800799-7233. Their website also has a live chat feature. March / Ap ril 2 0 1 9 | H ERS M ag az i ne 53

+ BUSINESS

Why Employees Retaliate Against Hostile Customers and How Companies Can Prevent It BY A N N E T T E J O H N SO N

When customers are harsh or overly aggressive, employees typically retaliate and sabotage. “It’s human nature,” said business professor Julena M. Bonner at Utah State University. Bonner and her research team explored why employees sometimes sabotage customers following a hostile interaction and whether it can be prevented. The team used a field sample of customer service employees and an experimental study. “When a person is treated poorly, they lash out with an ‘eye for an eye’ mentality,” said Bonner. “There are negative ramifications for the employee and for the organization, but people often just can’t help themselves.” While negative employee reactions occur so quickly that they may seem involuntary, Bonner discovered that a company’s culture can diminish bad employee behavior. Employees are more likely to sabotage customers if they perceive their workplace as an unethical

culture, for example, seeing or hearing a fellow employee retaliate against a customer without punishment. Conversely, when a work environment has a strong culture of ethical behavior, through both formal policies and informal values exemplified by other employees and managers, employees are more likely to control their reactions and behave professionally when the customer treats them poorly. Bonner encourages companies to establish formal ethical standards through policies, practices and procedures. In addition, employers can teach employees to properly respond to harsh or angry customers without sabotage by offering mindfulness training, or by putting employees in role-playing scenarios where they must practice proper responses to antagonistic customers. “If we can understand how this process works, we can learn how to break the cycle,” said Bonner. “It comes down to awareness.”

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+ WELLNESS

Women's Chances of S By Dr. Andrea Klemes

any Americans are uncertain, if not ill-informed, about the risk factors for a heart attack and what increases a person's odds for having one, according to a national survey conducted by MDVIP and Ipsos. This is especially true for women. Only 26 percent of women are aware that females have a lower chance of surviving a first heart attack compared to males. This may be because cardiovascular disease is said to develop 7 to 10 years later in women than in men, so they underestimate it. The survey also shows women lag behind men when it comes to heart disease knowledge and prevention.

• Only 31 percent of women (vs. 53 percent of men) have asked their primary care doctor for advice on how to manage or prevent heart disease. • Only 55 percent of women (vs. 67 percent of men) say they are knowledgeable about the risk factors for heart disease.

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• Only 43 percent of women (vs. 56 percent of men) consider themselves well-informed when it comes to the best screening methods for heart disease. “The healthcare community has made important strides in raising public awareness about heart disease, yet our research shows a significant gap in how much people understand about the disease and their own risk for a heart attack,” said Dr. Andrea Klemes, Chief Medical Officer of MDVIP. “Considering that at least 80 percent of cardiac events are preventable, primary care physicians are a first line of defense in helping prevent, and potentially reverse, the disease through more comprehensive risk assessment, better education and health coaching that together lead to long-term lifestyle changes in patients.” Data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Surveys (NHANES) shows that over the past two decades the prevalence of heart attacks has increased in midlife (35 to 54 years) women, while declining in similarly aged men.

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Surviving a Heart Attack

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Confusion Over Cholesterol And Heart Disease Most Americans (75 percent) don't know that a heart attack happens when a blood clot forms over a plaque lesion in the arteries. Three-quarters of Americans (75 percent) are not aware that most heart attacks occur in people with normal cholesterol levels. High levels of cholesterol encourage the buildup of fatty deposits called plaque in the arteries, causing them to harden and narrow. When the plaque becomes unstable and ruptures, a blood clot forms which leads to a heart attack. Inflammation in the arteries is the trigger for a cardiovascular event. Only 14 percent of American adults have had their inflammatory markers checked within the last year, while more than half (54 percent) have had their cholesterol levels checked during the same period.

Fat and Heart Disease

Another common misconception found in the survey is that all fat is

bad: • More than half of Americans (52 percent) falsely believe that people with heart disease should eat as little fat as possible, not taking into account the value of unsaturated fats in foods like salmon and nuts that can actually help reduce the risk of a heart attack. • Americans also struggle with differentiating between bad fats. When presented a list of four foods (medium French fries, 3 oz. filet mignon, one scrambled egg, one cup of ice cream), only 9 percent correctly identified the cup of ice cream, which is the highest in saturated fat, as the worst for cholesterol. “Whether you're male, female, in your 30s or 90s, heart disease doesn't discriminate,” said Dr. Andrea Klemes, Chief Medical Officer of MDVIP.

These are the findings from an Ipsos poll conducted November 15 - 16, 2018, on behalf of MDVIP. For the survey, a sample of 1,006 adults ages 18 and over from the continental U.S., Alaska and Hawaii were interviewed online, in English. The precision of Ipsos online polls is measured using a credibility interval. In this case, the poll has a credibility interval of ±3.5 percentage points for all respondents.

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How to Stop

Judging

Yours & O t h e r

Women’s Spending Habits

By Jean Chatzky

n my house, we sometimes say, “This is why we work.” We say it to justify paying way too much for “Hamilton” theater tickets. We say it when we take a car to the airport because it’s a lot less hassle than driving. I say it to myself when I’m getting my hair blown out, even though I don’t have anywhere special to go. And while I’m fessing up, I’ve got to tell you, there’s a paragraph in this book that’s been giving me pause. You haven’t read it yet. It’s coming up in the chapter on raising kids who launch, and it talks about how shopping for sport is one of those things you shouldn’t do if you want to raise kids who are materialistic. Confession time: I shop for sport. To me, it’s fun. Looking at things, touching things, trying things on — even if I don’t buy anything — is a pleasant way to spend an afternoon. There, I said it. Yet, spending money is a strangely conten-

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tious issue. According to Money magazine’s 2014 love and money survey, frivolous spending was the biggest flashpoint when it came to inciting money spats, and partners blamed each other for having the problematic spending habit, rather than looking inward. Perhaps that’s because when we do take a closer look at ourselves and our spending behavior, it brings on a case of guilt. A survey of mothers from 2017 by BabyCenter found 57 percent of people feel guilty about spending money on themselves. The “weird” morality around spending is something entrepreneurship coach Karen Southall Watts discusses in the college humanities course she teaches. “Sometimes we look at people’s purchases or what they’re wearing and what they’re choosing to do with their money and decide that it’s appropriate for us to make a moral judgement about them,” she

says. “Women are highly attuned to this dynamic, and no one wants to be on the receiving end of those comments. That’s why there’s guilt around buying things for you. It’s a selfprotecting mechanism.” Guilt, as we’ve already discussed in this book, doesn’t get us anywhere. And so, the purpose of this chapter is to open us all up to the fact that spending can be a joy. It can be a pleasure. And, when you look at all the time and effort we put into buying things anyway, isn’t that a better way to view it? Women already do 85 percent of the spending in the U.S. Both the overall number and the percentage of large purchases we make are rising, and it’s not just millennials doing the buying. A 2018 report from J. Walter Thompson calls British women over 50 the new “power consumers” because they’re outspending their younger counterparts.

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+ H O B B I ES & PAST T I M ES

LYNN LILLY &

The Craft Box Girls

CELEBRATE SPRING WITH CRAFTS By Grace Kelly

+ H O B B I ES & PAST T I M ES

or many little girls, Saturday mornings meant spending time watching cartoons, but for Craft Box Girls founder Lynn Lilly, “She-Ra: Princess of Power” was replaced by “Martha Stewart: Queen of Hospitality.” Lilly says, “My mom was a big fan of Martha Stewart, so instead of watching cartoons, I would sit and watch Martha Stewart with her. I would sit and learn how to set the table and make a centerpiece. It was my exciting thing to do on the weekend for family dinners and holidays, to create tablescapes.” Throughout her childhood and through college and a stint in corporate America, Lilly kept on crafting. She is a big proponent of women crafting their dreams, from yummy snacks at one’s next gathering to supporting other female craft entrepreneurs. Her own entrepreneurial story started after she planned her wedding. Pinterest was still in its infancy and Lilly found that there wasn’t a central hub for a community of craft-

ers. So, she applied skills she learned in corporate America, namely market research, to launch Craft Box Girls in 2014. Craft Box Girls now has its own Apple TV show and a book titled “Screen Free Crafts Kids Will Love.” Lilly is also a Michael’s Maker, and the Craft Box Girls have thriving communities on Facebook and Instagram. She said her favorite thing about spring is that “the weather really brings people out and together.” Lilly says, “It’s not typical in Atlanta but people tend to hibernate for the winter and spring is really an invigoration of everyone getting together to celebrate by going out to dinners or picnics in the park.” Born in Georgia and attended school at Auburn University, Southern hospitality is important to Lilly. “Southern hospitality is making your family, friends and guests feel warm and welcome, whether you’re in your home or out at a gathering together.” She handpicked these spring crafts for us with video tutorials available on her website:

DIY FLORAL CHANDELIER Materials:

• Beacon Adhesives Quick Grip • 1 Small Hoop • 1 Medium Hoop • Faux Flowers & Greenery • Fishing Line • Scissors • Green Acrylic Paint & Brush

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Directions:

Paint the hoops green. Once the hoops are dry, cut 4 pieces of fishing line that are 12 inches. Tie the small and medium hoop together making sure each piece is equal distance. Reinforce the knots with glue. Cut 4 more pieces of fishing line that are 12 inches. Tie these pieces from the small hoop up into one knot. This will be used for hanging the chandelier. Glue greenery around both hoops. Fill in empty areas of the hoops by gluing faux flowers. Display!

Tip: You can create one for each season by selecting florals for Fall, spring, winter, holidays, etc. Extra Tip: For one-off events, you can use real florals. Add water vessels to the end of the stems and store in a refrigerator until you are ready to use.

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KNIT HAPPENS CLAY SWEATER COASTERS Materials: • Sculpey Polymer Clay

•

Crafting Knife

•

Key Ring

•

Non-stick Mat

Directions: 1. Put the Sculpey on the non-stick mat.

2. 3. 4.

5. 6.

7. 8.

Stretch some of the Sculpey into a “snake.” Twist two Sculpey “snakes” together so it looks like a rope. Do the same with two more Sculpey “snakes” and put them together. This will make 1 braid. Make 5 braids for the body of the sweater and 2 braids for each arm. Trim the bottom of the swetater with the crafting knife and re-roll the excess Sculpey to make the bottom of the sweater and cuffs. Gently press the craft knife into the bottom of the sweater and cuffs for ribbing. Bake the Sculpey and let it cool according to package directions.

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DIY METAL STAMPED GIFTS Materials:

• ImpressArt Heartbreaker Letter Stamps • Metal Stamping Hammer • Stamp Enamel Marker • Steel Block • Keychain • Bottle Opener • Sign

Directions: 1.

2. 3.

If you’ve never stamped metal before, practice on a scrap sheet of metal until you get the hang of it. Using the hammer and the letter stamps, stamp out your design on the keychain, bottle opener, or sign. To make your stamp design stand out, scribble over it with the black enamel marker and then wipe off the excess. The black enamel will seep into the letters you hammered out and make them easier to read.

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Jud

Judith Balcazar, one of the creators of Giggle Knickers. 90

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dith

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Balcazar

Helping Women Giggle Away Their Bladder Leaks

By Brooke Allen

udith Balcazar discovered the "walkway of shame" when she had to shop the incontinence aisle of her local store. Not wanting to linger, Balcazar glanced at the products as quickly as possible before heading to the checkout. "This is not somewhere you want to linger," Balcazar said. "An embarrassing walk then followed to the checkout — carrying what felt like a giant plastic pack with a mammoth [sized] logo whose recognizable name shouted, ‘Incontinence pads!'" Balcazar, 66, is a former fashion director based out of the UK who recently underwent surgery to remove a lump found on her bladder. However, as she began healing from her surgery, she was forced to undergo "bladder retraining." The surgery caused her muscles to weaken, and she often felt uncomfortable to laugh, sneeze or even cough without fear of leaks, and she was forced to find extra protection from these leaks. However, her options with incontinence pads were slim. When she first tested out the incontinence pads, she was shocked. "I nearly died laughing when I opened the box,” Balcazar said. “It was a giant pair of crinkly, disposable fabric

knickers that made Bridget Jones' big pants look like a Victoria's Secret set. I aged 20 years just looking at them." She researched other incontinence products to try, but all of them were the same "crinkly, disposable fabric." According to Balcazar, there were no products in the market at that time that looked like normal “knickers” or were washable. Balcazar also discovered that she wasn’t alone in this health journey. According to the Office on Women's Health, urinary incontinence affects twice as many women as men. Although urinary incontinence can happen to a woman at any point in her life, older women are prone to this issue due to hormonal changes during menopause. OWH also states that “more than 4 in 10 women 65 and older have urinary incontinence." With so many women affected by incontinence, Balcazar wanted to give women the option of reusable, absorbent underwear. So, she went to work on a solution, and founded Giggle Knickers in what year? “As a designer I could not understand why a washable pair had not been developed in the UK.” During the start-up phase of Giggle Knick-

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ers, Balcazar called her friend and co-owner, Anne Davidson, 53, for help. Their main goal is creating beneficial products that help and empower women. "We wanted to further [our] connection back into the community of women, so we found the Free a Girl foundation, [which] rescues girls from forced prostitution,” Balcazar said. “[We] donate 20 pounds for every pack of knickers sold. I am happy to say we have already sent [the foundation] a check for over 1,000 pounds." This would be about $1,320 U.S. dollars. When she decided to develop her own underwear, there was a lot of trial and error involved. According to Balcazar, she started researching different ways of making a washable pair of these underwear, and at one stage, her kitchen was covered with strips of fabric with time and absorbency measurements on them. “I made countless combinations until one worked — which was a bit of a Eureka moment because it took a long time to find the right combination.” Balcazar easily transitioned into creating her own knickers because she formally owned a fashion company, Wall Luxury Essentials. She said, “Giggle Knickers is completely different because Wall was

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a much larger company with many employees and departments — it was very structured.” Wall featured clothes for older women. She said, “Wall’s fashion was based on the Architecture of Luis Barragán, a Mexican architect whose theories about architecture included ideas about how comfortable you feel in a space depends on certain qualities.” She wanted the proportions to be right and good quality materials, using clean lines so the mind was not distracted. “These became the inspiration for the look and fabric quality and shapes we started Wall with." Similar to incontinence products, appropriate clothing for older women was sparse. "In London, at that time, there was little in the market for the slightly older woman, 45 plus, who was looking for comfortable clothes," Balcazar explained. Balcazar created "high quality, comfortable clothing using hand-picked Pima cotton." Most of the clothing was crafted in Peru, where she met and lived with her husband at the time. They also wanted to create working opportunities in Peru. "Peru has developed incredibly in the last 25

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years, but when we started Wall, it was still a very third world country, and simple things we often take for granted, like being able to get training for a job, was not available for many people," she said. Balcazar and her husband set up a training program for homeless women in Peru to learn knitting skills. The program lasted for two years, and upon completion, trainees received a knitting machine to create their own products for profit. With owning her own fashion company, she found it difficult to constantly reinvent her clothes to fit the latest trend. Although she enjoyed the change, reimagining the clothes caused a lot of pressure. In addition, Balcazar disliked the idea that people must spend loads of money to find inner confidence. She explained, "Consumer pressure often comes from people feeling they can find self-esteem through clothing and investing huge amounts into it. Paying $250,000 for a bottle of black diamond nail polish when we still have people scratching just to get clean water on the planet is a rather obscene way to develop a culture." According to Balcazar, fashion can also cause major environmental waste issues. She added, "By

far the most important [downside] I think is the throwaway culture of clothes. We [throw away clothes] without understanding the millions of tons of chemicals we pour into the waterways, which are global and effect human and marine life." Balcazar has always been acutely aware of the environmental impact of her industry. With Wall, she only used fur from animals who died of natural causes, and Giggle Knickers provides a wastefree, reusable alternative to typical disposable incontinence pads. In fact, the environmental factor of reusable pads helped inspire Giggle Knickers. "I came across an article that said adult disposable pads would reach the same volume in landfill as disposable nappies by 2020," she explained. "If everyone in the house takes responsibility for keeping their bit clean and tidy, then the house will keep functioning. If they don't, then it soon becomes such a mess that everyone just gives up. We don't own the planet — we're just custodians of it for the next generation."

Giggle Knickers' washable incontinenceGiggle underwear Knickers' washable incontience underwear

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| HERS Mag azin e | March /A p ril 2019 |

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Photos by Aaron Lacy

+ MUSIC

The Hardest Working Woman in Music Finds Her Spotlight By Grace Kelley

inger-songwriter Sheléa Frazier works closely with music powerhouses, such as Quincy Jones and Stevie Wonder, but on her current trajectory, Quincy Jones and Stevie Wonder will soon say they worked with music powerhouse Sheléa Frazier. Frazier, who stars in the PBS special “Quincy Jones Presents: Sheléa,” airing March 4, never gave up, never stopped working towards her musical dream and shows no signs of stopping. Her résumé includes singing at the White House twice, collaborating with Stevie Wonder, writing and performing songs for film and will soon include her third studio album, "Pretty World: Through the Eyes of Alan & Marilyn Bergman.” Frazier was raised in Bakersfield, CA to educators who were musical but skeptical of music as a career. “My parents told me that you use your gifts in church. They focused on education,” says Frazier. “I thought the extent of my gift was for church. That was something I saw them do at church.” Frazier first realized music could be a career when she joined the group Take 6. “We had our first little taste of being in the music industry,” says Frazier. “I was in the studio everyday. I was writing and producing and I just caught that bug. I thought,

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that’s what I want to do for the rest of my life.” Take 6 is also how she met Quincy Jones. “[He produced] their album ‘The Standard,’ which won eight Grammys. I just remember listening to Septembro on Quincy Jones’ album and wondering if I’ll ever meet Quincy Jones.” To have him and other legendary producers, such as David Foster, vouch for her “means the world because I loved all of them when I was a little girl. It’s so surreal that I can call all of them and they’ll actually answer!” Quincy Jones said, “After working with Ray Charles, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday and Sarah Vaughan, you know when you see one — and Sheléa is really one.” Jones is also currently her manager. Frazier said, “I performed as the first singer-in-residence in Dubai. I performed there for two months and had an amazing time. [Jones] brought me in for different projects that he had and different musical events that he had, often at his home. One day, we just looked at each other and he said, ‘You know what? Let’s make this official.’” Take 6 disbanded to focus on solo projects, and shortly after, Frazier started working with Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, then with Vanessa Williams, then writing songs for films like “Jumping the Broom” and “Akeelah and the Bee.” But it was her lead in Take 6’s song “Someone to Watch Over Me” that caught Stevie Wonder’s attention. “Stevie Wonder, who is like the soundtrack to all our lives, I met him through Take 6,” says Frazier. “He heard me on that album. He and I connected immediately and have been friends ever since. Stevie Wonder was instrumental in getting me to the White House the first time I performed and has been such a support.” When Frazier heard that Stevie Wonder wanted to work with her, she said, “It was surreal. I remember when they asked me to sing for his Christmas show that he does every year in LA, “House Full of Toys,” I just started screaming. It was crazy. That was definitely a moment I’ll remember forever.” Stevie Wonder was asked to sing at the White House for a tribute to Burt Bacharach and Hal David in May 2012 and picked Frazier to sing “Anyone Who Had a Heart.” To perform for then-President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama “had a powerful, powerful depth for me,” says Frazier. “The first time [I performed at the White

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House], I brought my dad with me. He grew up in Birmingham, Alabama during the Civil Rights Movement. My grandma had a lot of painful memories of that time and it was incredible giving her son the opportunity to meet the first African American President.” Frazier said, “It was hard to choose who to take because I’m very close with my mom and my sister, but I chose my father because I wanted to show that I had a present father in my life and I wanted him to be able to meet President Barack Obama.” Her second performance at the White House was a tribute to Ray Charles with Anthony Hamilton, and it earned her a standing ovation from the Obamas. “That memory is burned into my spirit forever,” says Frazier. “It was the most electrifying moment of my life. I felt like, I’m done! I can retire!” This is not to say that there weren’t times where Frazier had her doubts about having a music career, but she never considered failure as an option. “There was a time when things just were not happening,” she says. “I can look back on that and say that was a very dark time. I never definitively said I was going to quit, but those thoughts would definitely creep in and say, ‘Maybe you should.’ Those thoughts would sometimes take hold of me, but I had to push them away and have more positive thoughts about hanging in there. “Everybody doesn’t make it, that’s just the harsh reality, and you know, what if I’m in that same boat? But I never allowed that thought to grow and bloom in any way, I would push it away pretty quickly, but it did exist for sure,” she says. Frazier also never tried to be anyone but herself. “I have such a deep respect for artists such as Aretha and Whitney and Carole King and Barbara Streisand, on and off the stage. They’ve empowered me and it’s a beautiful thing to be able to find your own truth in their songs.” Even in her PBS special where she sings covers of Aretha Franklin and Whitney Houston songs, she says, “I could never sing it like Aretha, like Whitney, like Barbara, so I have to do it like Sheléa, with such deep admiration, love, and respect. When I do that, a lot of times people see that, and they receive that I’m not trying to mimic or copy them — I’m paying tribute to them.

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+ COVER STORY

Lt. Col. Elizabeth Evans: By Elizabeth Nouryeh

| HERS Mag azin e | March /A p ril 2019 |

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+ C SH TO HO EV R EFRA S I ORNY

How She Did It First Female Company Commander, Lt. Col. L Elizabeth Evans

ieutenant Colonel Elizabeth Evans did not initially plan to join the military. While playing in a high school tennis match in Kentucky, Evans was approached by the tennis coach from United States Military Academy at West Point, who was there to recruit her opponent. The coach convinced Evans to take a tour of West Point, and while there, Evans realized this was where she belonged. “The tradition and sense of family that I felt was different than any other school I was considering,” said Evans, who graduated with an engineering degree. Of that decision, she added, “If I had this life to live 100 times over again, I wouldn’t change the decision I made in 1995 to go to West Point.” After graduation in 2000, Evans chose Fort Hood, Texas, as her duty station, where she was commissioned as an army engineer officer. She assumed there would be ample leadership roles for women at the Army’s largest installation in the country. However, at the time of Evans’ enlistment, 9 out of 10 engineering battalions at Ft. Hood were combat engineering battalions that were restricted solely to men. Female soldiers were limited to administrative engineering positions. Evans served in the 1st Cavalry Division’s 20th Engineer Battalion until 2005, when she decided to leave the U.S. Army for the Florida National Guard. Unlike her

+ COVER STORY

time as an active duty soldier, the national guard meant she could be part-time with the military while responding to local emergencies. Thus, she spent the next 11 years working closely with her community and pursuing her interests in engineering. Breaking down barriers for females in combat leadership roles, she went on to become the first female company commander of three different organizations, the first female commander of the 53rd Brigade Special Troops Battalion in Florida, and the first female Task Force Commander in 2017. While in the national guard, Evans flourished even more as a leader. On deployment in Baghdad, Iraq, during Operation Iraqi Freedom II, Evans commanded an engineering company and led 300 missions in the combat zone. During these missions, Evans says she made sure that her “vehicle [was] first in line to ensure I cleared the road first before my soldiers vehicles went through.” After her time in OIF, Evans deployed to a six-month training mission in Central America in 2016. There, she commanded a task force of 400 soldiers spread over three separate countries training partner nation military forces and police to fight against human trafficking and narcotics. Her role as the first woman in these historically maledominated positions hasn’t been intimidating, according to Evans. “In a sense, every unit I’ve commanded at every level, I have been the first female to do it,” she said. “So, in a sense, I haven’t known anything else, so it never was

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something I really thought about.” Not just the first commander of numerous battalions, she remembers some “firsts” from West Point as well. While she was the first female graduate in her class to command a company in combat and to command a battalion, she also racked up her first failures. “I was more than likely [also] the first collegiate athlete at West Point to fail gymnastics,” Evans admitted. “I’m not perfect; I’m far from it. And I’ve stumbled in life just as much as I’ve excelled. The fact is this: I continue to learn from my mistakes, grow from my struggles – and I know I am a better person because of those experiences.” Similarly, as a female commander, one would expect that Evans faced difficulties while executing her duties. Women were not even allowed to be in a combat role until 2015, when former Defense Secretary Ashton B. Carter announced that the Pentagon would open all combat jobs to women. The decision open about 220,000 military jobs to women. “There will be no exceptions,” announced Carter during a news conference in December 2015. “They’ll be allowed to drive tanks, fire mortars and lead infantry soldiers into combat. They’ll be able to serve as Army Rangers and Green Berets, Navy SEALs, Marine Corps

infantry, Air Force parajumpers and everything else that was previously open only to men.” Even prior to the change in law, Evans had witnessed a gradual transformation and evolution of inclusion regarding women in certain roles. “The military has changed significantly over the past 20 years, and there are opportunities open to women today that weren’t just five years ago or ten years ago,” Evans said. “The organization and the leaders of our military are less concerned (in my opinion) about gender and more concerned about who is the best soldier and leader to do the job.” Although other women may have experienced exclusion from command and combat roles, Evans says that hasn’t been her experience. “It has not always been like that, but fortunately for me, most of the leaders I have served under have felt that way and have provided me with opportunities to excel regardless of my gender.” Given the leadership opportunities she has had in the military, Evans maintains that she has greater expectations for herself than others, especially her male counterparts, could possibly request or require. “I think as a female leader in the military, we place more pressure on ourselves than anyone else places on us. I push myself harder. I expect more of myself. I train harder because I constantly want to be seen as equal.”

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Evans says that the female soldiers are some of the strongest women she has ever met. These women have the drive to survive in difficult situations under incredible amounts of professional and societal pressure, she says. “We are driven and we are [fiercely] loyal to our families and our friends because these are the people that help and support us to lead and take care of others.” Like any soldier, a sense of comradery courses through Evans’ veins, and she relishes the professional inspiration and connections she has garnered throughout her career. In fact, she says the most fulfilling part of her being a leader is that soldiers of hers have chosen to return to college to commission as an officer. She says moments like those — or when former soldiers reach out to tell her they would not be where they are without Evans’ leadership — are the moments and messages she cherishes most. “It has always been my mission to leave an organization better than I found it,” Evans said. “To me, that means leaving the people that are part of that organization better than I found them. That’s what each organization I’ve commanded has done for me. I am better because of the soldiers I have led.” For other female soldiers — and women in maledominated fields — Evans encourages them to stop focusing on what makes them different genderwise, but instead focus on what makes them different from a performance perspective. “Be the absolute best that you can be – whether that’s in the military, in construction, in IT, in banking, or in anything,” Evans stressed. “Strive to meet and exceed your potential and lift others up in the process.” “One person cannot accomplish everything on her own,” Evans said, “but a group of women, or a group of high achievers and selfless servants can change the world one interaction at a time.” Still finding ways to support her community as well as her country after 19 years of service, she lead relief efforts in the Florida Keys during Hurricane Maria in September 2017. Ultimately, she wants people to know and understand that female soldiers are just like other career women whose jobs involve serving others. “We are wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts and nieces. We have chosen this career path because we want to give back to the country that has given so much to us.”

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Ellen Ochoa

A Look Back at the Badass Astronaut Who Diversified NASA BY B RO O K E A L L E N

rom the weightless atmosphere of space, Ellen Ochoa watched the sun set and rise over Earth. As she traveled over the globe, the indescribable sights blew her away. “Part of our job was we needed to video every sunrise and sunset, which happened every 45 minutes,” Ochoa said. “So, we spent a lot of time up on the flight deck looking out the windows, and we just had some amazing views. That was one of the fun parts of that mission.” On April 8, 1993, Ochoa, at the age of 34, boarded the shuttle Discovery and was the first Hispanic woman to launch into space. Ochoa, now 60 years old, is a veteran astronaut who has four space shuttles under her belt and has logged almost 1,000 hours in orbit. She recently retired as the 11th director of the Johnson Space Center. She was the first Hispanic director, and the second female director. She also received NASA’s highest award, the Distinguished Service Medal, along with many other awards. Although, success didn’t always come easily for this trailblazing astronaut. From a young age, Ochoa’s mother, Rosanne, taught her and her siblings the importance of education. “My mom had a love of learning in general and she was usually taking one college class a semester pretty much the whole time I was growing up,” Ochoa said. “Mainly because she just loved learning things, and I think certainly with my brothers and sisters and me, we just sort of had this idea early on that learning was important.” Sexism was a huge barrier to break for Ochoa. In college, at San Diego State University, she visited the electrical engineering professor because she wanted to pursue that major. The professor attempted to talk her out of the major because “only one woman had gone through [the department].” Ochoa said he then picked up different

electrical components on his desk and said, “Well, you’ll have to work with these. I don’t really know if that would be interesting to you.” With her confidence blown, she then talked to a professor in the physics department, who was “very encouraging.” After telling the professor about her background in calculus, he said she would be a great addition to the department because she already knew the language of physics. After five years, she graduated with a bachelor’s degree with honors in physics. Although Ochoa was talked out of an electrical engineering major as an undergraduate, she went on to receive a master’s degree and doctorate in electrical engineering at Stanford University. After she received her Ph.D., she decided to apply to NASA’s astronaut program. Sally Ride, the first woman in space, had already completed her first mission, so the probability of Ochoa being an astronaut seemed “possible” to her. “It still seems like sort of an impossible dream to actually get selected, since so few people get selected for that job,” Ochoa said. “But I was able to see people somewhat like me [go to space]. I mean, when Sally Ride flew, she had been a physics major, which was my major.” Ochoa applied to the space program twice before being selected in 1990 — only 23 others were selected. Although she was a minority, her trainers and classmates were “really helpful.” Her survival skills were lagging behind others in her class because a lot of them had military experience. “I really found that training very supportive. In other words, they're trying to get people through and trying to give you the right skills. They're not trying to weed you out at that point — they've already done that before selecting a class,” Ochoa said. “So, the trainers were helpful, and the

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rest of my classmates were actually really helpful, too. So, I actually just found it really interesting. Some of it was challenging, but it was fun, and it was important.” According to Ochoa, the years of training before orbit are crucial because every astronaut on the shuttle needs to be prepared. “Anybody that goes into space, you want them to be prepared, whether it's yourself, whether it's your crewmates — it's the right thing for NASA and for everybody. So, getting everybody trained up, it's important to the whole program,” she said. When she was finally chosen for a space mission, she was able to continue studying what she loved: engineering research. During her first mission, she operated a robot arm that was used to deploy a small research satellite into space. On her first two flights, she studied the earth’s atmosphere to uncover more information on the issues of ozone depletion. Also, on all four missions, she utilized the robot arm. The launch was “really exciting” for Ochoa. “Now that cameras are so much better, maybe you get a little bit better idea [of the view from space] but I would still say seeing it in person is different than anything that you can really show or describe otherwise,” she said. Because she had to log every

sunset and sunrise, she travelled “over a good part of the globe, certainly over all the populated regions of the globe.” The views were “spectacular.” During her first day in space, her body underwent a lot of adjustments. “Physically you feel a little bit different. But, particularly, I would say the first day [is the most uncomfortable] because your body is trying to get used to microgravity. You don't necessarily feel well right away, but then your body figures it out, and it starts to get pretty fun because you're floating. Everything you're dealing with is floating, so it's just a very different environment you have to get used to.” After her first mission, numerous primarily Hispanic schools reached out to Ochoa and invited her to speak with students. She used these opportunities “to encourage girls and underrepresented minorities to study STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) fields.” She said, “That just added sort of that extra dimension to my life as an astronaut… it was an extra rewarding part of my career.” She strived to emphasize the importance of how a good education can change one’s life. “It's not like anybody's anointed from birth that you're gonna grow up and become

Photo by NASA

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Photo by NASA

an astronaut. Sometimes it sort of seems that way, like you have no idea how these other people get to that position, so when I had the chance to visit schools in person, I just wanted the students to see me as somebody not too different from them,” Ochoa said. “They can set goals for themselves, they can work hard in school, follow a passion that they have.” Since Ochoa became the director for the Johnson Space Center, women and minorities have taken up a lot of positions, but NASA “still needs to do better.” She said, “Women and minorities were able to move into all different kinds of positions, all different kinds of leadership positions, and high visibility positions. So, not just astronauts, but flight directors, the ones who are in charge of Mission Control during a mission… And that just wasn't the case when I first joined NASA.”

As the director, Ochoa gave women and underrepresented minorities a voice. She fought for their rights and gave hope to so many people who yearned to enter STEM fields by representing the people who are not always taken seriously. “There are many different kinds of careers when you choose the STEM field. Astronaut is one that is pretty special, but I know so many other women scientists and engineers who have just had amazing careers, so that's why I want people to at least think about it, and make sure in high school, for example, that you are taking science and taking math because that way you have that option as you go on later in life. Even if you're not sure whether that's something that you're completely interested in, start to investigate different kinds of careers and just give it some thought.”

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Make Films with a Message:”

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Esther Turan, writer and producer. 108 HERS Mag az in e | H ER Play

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Esther Turan

Making it in a Male-Dominated Film Industry

BY G RAC E K E L L EY

sther Turan’s pivot from producing to directing was very punk rock. “I was at a punk-rock concert in 2015 and I bump into this girl Anna Koltay, whom I knew briefly,” she says. “Instead of watching the concert, we started to chat. I realized that she had an idea that was very similar to my idea.”

That idea was to film a documentary series about different music subcultures in Budapest, Hungary, in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s. The project became “BP Underground,” and the episode about Budapest’s thriving hip-hop subculture was Turan’s directorial debut. “It was such an interesting period [in Hungary and Budapest] because that’s when there was a regime change from socialism to capitalism,” Turan says. “That happened in 1989 but it was still close, and it was a pretty chaotic and euphoric era. We wanted to portray how it was to be a teenager belonging to a certain youth subculture.” Furthermore, “A lot of these youth subcultures we’re portraying are very male-dominated,” Turan says. “We did two episodes with hardcore punk and hip-hop, and it was interesting being two girls portraying mostly male-dominated subcultures.” Some doubted Turan and Koltay could tackle this project. When she started directing, Turan says, she noted “how men reacted to us as female directors.” For instance, “One day, I got an email from a male

director that said, ‘Hi, I heard about your project Budapest Underground and I’d love to direct with you guys.’ I wrote back, ‘Thank you so much, but we didn’t approach you because we’re already two directors and we don’t need a third party, but thanks for the offer.’ “I had this feeling that he sent us the email because he felt we couldn’t properly portray the hiphop subculture in Budapest, and that we needed a male director for that. I really took offense because this is not the way you approach someone. If you want to be involved, you have a more subtle way to approach that person, but to just offer your directing services is really bizarre.” The male director’s qualms came from not seeing many female directors, and while women are making some strides in film directing, female representation is bleak. According to Women and Hollywood, an advocacy program for gender parity in film, women make up 50 percent of movie audiences, but only 4 percent of directors in 2018. In the 91 years the Academy Awards have occurred, only one woman has won the award for Best Director — Kathryn Bigelow for “The Hurt Locker” in 2010. But Turan isn’t fazed. “BP Underground” has a 9/10 rating on IMDb and was invited to seven film festivals in Europe. This is on top of producing several successful films, such as the anthology series “The Field Guide to Evil,” which was a film crowd-funded on MicroVentures. In 2018, “The Field Guide to Evil” became the darling of SXSW, London and Sydney FrightFest and Brooklyn Horror Film Festival, among others. Turan doesn’t particularly care for horror but wanted to work on “The Field Guide to Evil.” She said, “I was really blown away by the concept that it’s eight sequences and every sequence is a different folk story from a different country. The psychological aspect and digging into the dark side of certain nations and people blew my mind, so I was excited to join.” Even though horror is not her favorite genre, she doesn’t rule out any genre or format because “it always depends on whom I’m working with,” Turan says. “One thing I enjoy about filmmaking is the teamwork

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— it’s never an individual process. Everything is the result of the hard work of so many people. I really enjoy that creative energy.” Still, it was challenging for Turan to get her foot in the door in the industry. Like many starting out in the film industry, she says she started as a coffee runner as a freshman in film school, saying she served coffee to Patrick Dempsey and Ben Kingsley. “In the beginning, when I was in my early 20’s, I needed to fight for people’s attention in the industry to take me seriously. I always found that because of my age and gender, I had to prove even more that I’m a great producer. It was a struggle. “With experience, I gained confidence and I found that people took me more seriously. But in the beginning, I had to think twice about what I was wearing for certain meetings and how I should be more serious.” Turan grew up in an environment where storytelling and creativity was encouraged. Her father, Robert Turan, is a playwright. “It was like my playground to see shows with him in his theater group.” She also has filmmaking in her lineage. Her aunt on her mother’s side was a famous European actress from the ‘60s and ‘70s. “I grew up knowing what fame is because people approached me in random situations and asked about my aunt rather than other stuff. So, for me it was kind of natural.” However, Turan went into producing and directing rather than acting because “I wanted to be in charge of my own fate.” Soon after graduating from the Academy of Drama and Film in Budapest at age 23, Turan co-founded Moviebar Productions with producer Viktória Trepper and produced several TV commercials. In 2013, Moviebar productions opened its TV and film wing. “We’re very proud to be a female-led production company,” says Turan. Turan enjoys producing and using different skills in different genres, but that fateful punk rock concert reignited her love of directing. “I started to direct because I had a message,” she says. “I started to direct because I was so enthusiastic about this project. I reached an age where I was starting to feel a little bit nostalgic, and I had this message of, ‘I want to tell the world about how it was being a teenage girl in these music subcultures on the edge of west and east.’

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Turan's documentary, "BP Underground - Hip Hop."

“I found someone with the same vision, so we teamed up and created a series, ‘Budapest Underground.’ And now we’ve been nominated for a huge award in Hungary for our work. It’s gotten a lot of attention and people love our work. I’m so proud. It’s one of the best things to ever happen to me.” But Turan is not one to rest on her laurels. One project Turan has in the pipeline is a film she worked on with her father about designer Klára Rotschild. “I loved working with my dad, but it was difficult sometimes,” she says. “We got into a lot of serious fights about the script.” Still, she’s excited about the project because “Klára Rotschild was like the Coco Chanel of Hungary in the socialist era. She was this glamorous diva and fashion icon in this socialist country. There is already controversy in her story because that’s not how you portray socialism and communism, with glamor. It’s an interesting story with a spy aspect. She was a really remarkable woman.”

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Like many filmmakers before her, Turan also has her sights set on Hollywood. “I started out in Atlanta,” which is rapidly becoming a booming epicenter of filmmaking, “but the decision-makers are in Los Angeles, so I went there.” Turan opened an LA office of Moviebar productions because “Every filmmaker in the world dreams about making it in Hollywood. I have a lot of connections from Europe, and the filmmaking community in Los Angeles is so international. My vision is to promote the idea in American filmmakers to co-produce, co-direct, and develop projects with European filmmakers. We’re making documentaries, television, feature films, and I’m hoping to bring LA

to Hungary. I want to be the connection between European filmmakers and Hollywood filmmakers.” She enjoys being very involved with the film production process, regardless of the project. “I could enjoy even a TV commercial if it’s with the right people I’m working with, same as a feature film. It really depends on the people. I do have the luxury of working with amazing people. I’m pretty fortunate in that sense,” Turan said. “Don’t make films just for the praise, make movies if you have a message. I have assistants in their early 20’s who just feel like they deserve everything right away, and I’m disappointed in people when they are in the business for the praise and not the message.”

Turan being interviewed on the talkshow "Good Morning LaLa Land."

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Going Out with a

Creates Bigger Breaks

Rati Gupta’s New Role

‘Bang’

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Photo by Benjo Arwas

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P BY A N N E T T E J O H N S O N

laying Raj's (Kunal Nayyar) new fiancé, Anu, in the 12th and final season of the award-winning CBS TV series “The Big Bang Theory,” actress Rati Gupta describes the experience as a “dream” on the “wild ride” of an actor’s life. In Gupta’s first role on a network TV show, she plays an ambitious, successful hotel concierge who desires to own her own hotel one day. Anu's dominant personality complements Raj's more passive manner, so their impending arranged marriage by Raj’s father could actually work. Landing this role on the final season of a hit TV show that averages nearly 20 million weekly viewers and is the most watched show currently on the air was not as intimidating as some may think. The castings directors were familiar with her because they had auditioned her for another role on the show about five years previously. When they called her to read for this new role, she read for the show’s executive producers, Steve Holland and Steve Molero. “I just kinda did my thing, and they were both smiling and nodding, like as if to say, ‘Yeah, this was it. We have nothing more to say,'” she said. “I got the call later that day.” The 35-year-old actress described getting the role as a “crazy whirlwind” because she, at the time, was working on another series. She was shooting the final scene of the last episode on “Future Man” for Hulu, starring Seth Rogen and Josh Hutcherson. Gupta stars as Rake, a carefree, fun-loving member of the future humans who is married to Wolf (Derek Wilson), the lead character who has recruited Josh. “It was kinda this poetic, perfect actor moment where I finished one job and immediately had another. And that

Photo by Benjo Arwas

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doesn’t happen often.” Jokingly calling herself the final “wifey” on the long-running hit series “The Big Bang Theory,” she added, “It definitely felt like 10 years in the making for me to be ready for this role at the right time in my career.” After spending an entire summer working on “Future Man,” she explained, “I felt like it was kinda training me, getting me ready, and then I get this other job, this dream job. I felt ready. It was time.” Given the timing and opportunity itself, Gupta teasingly remarked that perhaps landing the role was a bit of divine intervention. “I felt like the universe was saying, ‘I saw you, girl. We got you. We saw you. We’ll give you this thing that you want now. You’re good.’” Her confidence during the audition was “extremely high,” adding, “The second I read the character description, I was like, ‘This is mine.’ I knew this girl was me. I had it.” Explaining that she is not arrogant and rarely goes into an audition with so much confidence, but this role was different. It felt as if it was designed for her. “So the fact that I read for this character and thought, “This is me. I can do this. I can get this,” that doesn’t happen often for me. So [that confidence] just played into how easy it was for me to get the job because I felt like the producers just sensed that from me.” There were other actresses at the audition who Gupta says “worked a lot” and had more extensive resumes than hers. Feeling somewhat intimidated initially, she said to herself, “Well, this might not be mine yet.” No matter who ultimately got the role, though, Gupta felt like the casting itself was a win for all women of color. “When it comes to these roles for women of color, especially Indian women, you have to put your ego aside, and say like, ‘Look, the fact that this role exists and the fact that this show is open to casting us, like our type of women, that’s a victory for all of us.’”’ In fact, she says she goes into all her auditions with a sense of appreciation and gratitude for those American productions that cast Indian women. “I put the competitiveness aside and just say that this

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is a win.” As an Indian American, she takes great pride in her heritage. Her parents were both born and raised in India but immigrated to the U.S. in the late ‘70s. They have, according to Gupta, lived in the states longer than they had lived in India at this point. They are U.S. citizens who gave birth to and raised their children in Michigan City, Indiana. “They are good Americans,” she remarked. “They are more American now than they are Indian.” Fully aware of the limited roles for Indian actresses in Hollywood, she has remained optimistic and committed to honing her skills. “I knew that going into this industry that there were hurdles that I was going to face that a lot of other actresses were not going to. And I knew that I would have to be better and that I would have to work harder and I would have to do more to overcome all of those things and prove myself worthy than all the other white actresses out there. I think all the other actresses of color know that going in that like the battle is harder for us. Thankfully, when I actually started acting, and like really plunged into the acthers-magazine.com

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Kunal Nayyar and Rati Gupta on the set of "The Big Bang Theory." Photo by Sonja Flemming/ CBS.

ing world, ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ had just won the Oscar. Coincidentally, it was a great time to present myself to Hollywood and say, ‘Hey, I’m an actress’… It was the best time for me to walk in as an Indian woman.” Even though she launched her acting career during a popular time for Indian films and actors, she said she was being typecast and getting “typical” roles. However, she believes that over the last decade Hollywood has become more inclusive of Indian women especially. “The culture has changed. I think a lot of people are more open-minded and looking at people of color differently and characters of color and our stories, treating them differently with more integrity and more respect. So I do think everything has just gotten better over the past 10 years that I’ve been at this.” Without giving away specifics, Gupta says she is working on a script of her own that would be based on Indian culture and characters. “I don’t want to give away the details yet,” she said with a chuckle. “Everything that I write or every project that I would want to produce or help create mov-

ing forward is either for women or for Indians or for immigrants. Those are the worlds that I want to help highlight more in our media.” Although acting currently consumes much of her career aims, Gupta was formerly an aspiring hip-hop dancer. She actually began dancing at age 3, when her mother had her learn a traditional Indian style dance called Kathak. Then she took ballet, tap and jazz classes. “I’ve been dancing my whole life,” she said. At some point during her youth, she admittedly become transfixed by Janet Jackson and her music videos. “I got to the point where I would just tape record MTV all day, and then I would just fast forward to any Janet Jackson video that I saw. I would just watch it on repeat, so I could learn all the choreography.” She would stay in her bedroom for hours trying to emulate the singer’s every move, and this is how she learned nontraditional dancing, including hip-hop. She became captain on the dance team in high school, and she even competed and won awards. “[Dancing] just kinda became my thing. I just fell in love with it.” While attending Northwestern University, she directed a dance company, Boomshaka, that was part stomp but involved more dancing. She also did more hip-hop style choreography. After graduating from college as a psychology and pre-med major, she moved to Los Angeles, where her goal was to dance with Janet Jackson. While she never got the opportunity to dance with her “hero,” she managed to eke out other opportunities, appearing in music videos for Lupe Fiasco and Flo Rida, before getting into acting. “That’s how life goes, and I don’t regret anything,” she reflected, adding a bit of optimism. “I do miss dancing. I don’t do it as often as I used it, but I can always go back.” Although in some profound ways she is similar to her character Anu, namely in being unapologetically independent, Gupta is totally opposite in regard to her real-life love for music. “It would be fun for Anu to dance at some point on the show, but the writers gave her this personality trait of hating music. So I don’t know what the feasibility would be of her [ever dancing].” Often with the resolute hope of realizing the American dream, immigrant families may pressure their children to opt for stable, high-paying careers in science, technology, engineering or math. Gupta admitted that her family was no different. “I have to thank March / Ap ril 2 0 1 9 | H ERS M ag az i n e 115

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my older brother, who did the good kid thing, and he became a doctor. So, in a way, he kind of took one for the team for the two of us. He went down the parentally acceptable future career route. It kind of paved the way for me to be the rebel child a little bit more. My brother is a saint for doing that for me.” After lightheartedly discussing her parents’ career expectations, she said they still unconditionally supported her. “They didn’t love the decisions I was making,” she admitted, “but they always supported me. I think what was mostly hard for them was when I decided not to be a doctor and go down this whole other foreign entertainment pathway was that they knew nothing about this [field], and they didn’t know how to help me. Whereas my dad is a doctor and all my parents’ friends are doctors, and so if I went down the medical route, they would know how to help me. So that was the most painful part of this choice that I made.” Being on her mother’s favorite TV show, “The Big Bang Theory,” has eliminated any fears or doubts in their daughter’s career decision they may have had. “Finally, they are like exhaling. They are like, ‘Okay, she’s fine. She’ll be okay. It’s been a journey for all of us, but we’re good,” she said with a lingering chuckle. “Everyone is happy.” When the show airs, her family, in fact, shares their excitement via group text message. “The family group text on the night when the show airs, is just lit. Everyone is just freaking out. It’s a wild night on the group text – that’s for sure.” Fortified with quick wit and a knack for storytelling, Gupta also does one-woman stage shows. She enjoys sharing her personal stories because she feels they are a great way to connect with people. “Especially when you share very vulnerable or scary or unique things that have happened to you, experiences that you’ve had, it makes other people out there feel less alone or more understood.”

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Wanting to connect with the audience is something she seeks to achieve as a performer, but making a personal romantic connection remains as a noncompulsory aspect of her life. About her relationship status, she says, “I am super single, like happily, shamelessly single. Marriage and children are things that I don’t necessarily feel like I need in my life.” In focusing on her career, she hasn’t completely eliminated the prospects of having a family one day, so she froze her eggs about a year ago. She explained, “It was a choice I made because I go back and forth on whether or not I want to be a mother somewhere down the line.” Obviously affected by the gravity and sensitivity of the topic, her words flowed somewhat more thoughtfully and steadily, punctuated with wistful pauses. “I’m open if down the line it becomes something that I want, so I don’t know…If I meet a guy that I’m into, then I would consider marriage, but generally…you know these are things that I’m not proactive about. I’m not hustling to make these things a part of my life, but I’m just kinda going with the flow and seeing where it leads me.” Her career keeps her focus for now, as the show is shooting as it airs. “I write a lot and spend a lot of my time hustling [for jobs]. I’m still doing the actor hustle. This is the final season of the show, so I kinda need another job after this one.” After all the questions about her career prospects and personal life, one main question loomed, the one all “The Big Bang Theory” fans want to know: Is she (Anu) going to marry Raj? “I don’t know,” she replied. “I truly do not know how this is gonna play out.” While the show’s many fans may be waiting on that possibility, they can catch Gupta on as Sally Green in Netflix's upcoming limited drama series "Unbelievable." It follows the story of Marie (Kaitlyn Dever), a teenager who is charged with lying about being raped, and the two female detectives (Toni Collette & Merritt Wever) who followed a twisting path to arrive at the truth.

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Happily Ever After

DIVORCE By Keith Johnson

anessa, the strong, yet sensitive, faithful, yet doubtful wife faces the hardest decision of her life. The book starts by drawing the reader into more than a decade of a family who is trying to thrive, but has to first survive after years of bliss. After a decade of pure bliss would you have the strength to leave a toxic relationship? The first several pages usher in joy and sorrow and will answer the questions of the modern day relationship. The tragedy of beauty and loss unfolds in a Shakespearian way, as if you were a character in the novel. A choice of whether to maintain your family or your sanity in its entirety is no choice at all. It’s a lose / lose situation. Vanessa finds courage in being like no other woman and standing up for what she believes in despite the drama of having a failed marriage. The value of redemption imbues the reader with closure after the rough captivity of a great marriage ending badly. Love scars are much deeper when children get involved. The carless of a man can be great, but the explosive emotional nature of Vanessa is a force to be reckoned with. Only time can cure a broken household, and this book does an outstanding job at highlighting the measures it takes to secure happiness as a newly divorcee. The author states that marriage is about making one another happy, not about one spouse making another happy. Lust is a powerful drug withering down the beliefs of the most ethical couples. To face tragedy together and make it out alive; and still have the other spouse believe that “you”

is more important than “us,” will has Vanessa crying in a public park begging for answers. Every man doesn’t completely understand what he puts a woman through, yet the key word is “understanding.” It has to be returned equally so that both spouses “understand” what those needs are, no matter how dark those needs are. Without understanding, neither spouse can ever have the strength to do what’s best for a relationship and make it out alive. Especially if that woman isn’t as financially stable has her husband. The thought of three young and upset children to rear all alone is reason to take the abuse. The strength of the wife who goes through many trails requires her to grow to maintain her household. Having to make joy out of misery (and do it with diligence) is an impossible task for any human being. The main character suffers, but somehow pulls herself together in an unimaginably powerful way. Sacrificing happiness for fear of being alone is something no woman should endure. To the last page, Vanessa fights to reclaim love, family, and the heart she once had, but at what cost? Being a story of romance and redemption, every chapter imbues the reader with hope after a great relationship ending in the worst but most satisfying way. “...my story will touch many women’s lives and give them courage to live their best life...as I share my story other women will see a glimpse of themselves and realize that they are capable of not only making tough life decisions but also surviving the consequences of those decisions.”

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est-selling author Alice Harris continues her series of uniquely themed art books with a collection of images that feature the body’s most revealing yet appealing feature: the eyes. Her new book titled “I Only Have Eyes For You” is packed with vivid color and black-andwhite photographs that span the silver screen and the world stage, including several pieces that premiered in women’s fashion magazines and on famous paintings. The book opens by explaining, “Eyes have their own language.” From the moment readers understand this and then begin flipping pages, the book will speak through the powerful language of eyes. Inspired by her world travels and career in the fashion and music industries. Harris has curated an eye-opening historical experience that takes readers from Ancient Egypt to fashion week, from under the sea to outer space, and everywhere in between. “I Only Have Eyes For You” features masterpieces by Picasso, da Vinci, Mag-

ritte, Man Ray, Warhol, Lichtenstein, among other visual virtuosos. Rare portraits of screen goddesses like Bette Davis, Elizabeth Taylor, Audrey Hepburn, and Faye Dunaway evoke timeless glamour and style while leading men like Clark Gable, George Clooney, Michael Douglas, and Frank Sinatra, bring relevance and charm to the page. A fascinating array of icons, including Jacqueline Kennedy, Anna Wintour, Twiggy, and even the Mona Lisa offer gazes and glances that are fixed in the pop cultural firmament. Through the work of groundbreaking visual artists and trendsetting provocateurs, the book reveals the power of eyes to shape our world. The 112-page, hardcover, (7-3/4 x 10-7/8 inches) retails for $30.00. Harris’ catalog of art books include The White T (HarperCollins, 1996), The Blue Jean (powerHouse Books, 2002), The Wedding Album (powerHouse Books, 2006), and Blow Me a Kiss (powerHouse Books, 2014).

BY K E I T H J O H N SO N

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Peak Performance for Women 4 Steps to Radically Change Your Life

By David Essel

hat is it that you would really like to see change this year? For many, it will be losing weight or changing the way they deal with relationships. For others, it might be trying to change their attitude, their approach to sexuality or maybe even their career. Below are four key steps that all women can benefit from if they take the time out of their busy schedule for self-care.

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1. Increasing your self-esteem and selfconfidence. This is crucial for women who desire peak per-

formance in their daily lives, but many women struggle with this concept. As young women, they are taught to compare themselves to others. Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t. One of the most important keys to self-care for many women today will be weight loss. Are you ready to obtain your personal body image goals? If you are, then today is the day to begin. Eliminate junk food, convientent food and go back to the basics of eating healthy, eating clean. MAnd what about exercise? Well, we know by now, that there will be no great changes in the way your body looks if you don’t work out on a regular basis. So, make it a plan as of today to get into the gym four to five days a week. Or, walk around your neighborhood for an hour the same four to five days per week. Women who feel great about themselves do so because they’re taking care of their physical health. 2. Setting healthy boundaries and consequences in relationships and friendships. We believe without a doubt that codependency — the desire to be liked by everyone, and a strong sense of fear of rocking the boat in friendships and relationships — is the largest addiction in the world. For women who are seeking peak performance this year, learning how to set boundaries with consequences in our friendships and intimate relationships will be a key component of the self-care needed to rise and reach the next level in life. So, the next time you say yes when you really mean no, correct yourself in that very moment. At first, it’s going to feel incredibly alien and uncomfortable if you’re one of those people who loves to have others rely on you. You can articulate boundaries with class and it’s incredibly important to learn the technique of boundaries and consequences if you want to be happier and healthier in life.

3. Managing money responsibly. For every woman looking for peak performance in 2019, we know that financial stress leads to emotional and physical stress as well. Peak performance means that we respect our money by not spending it on things that we don’t need, but rather, we create a budget on a monthly basis and stick with it. If you find yourself worried or struggling on a monthly basis regarding money, then the best thing you could do right now would be to hire an accountant or a financial planner — someone that can help you learn how to create a budget and stick with it. 4. Getting regular medical check-ups. For women going through menopause, the struggle is real. Fatigue, brain fog, irritability, sleep issues, weight issues and, yes, the list goes on and on. But, for women seeking peak performance this year, one of the greatest things you can do is to check in with your physician on a regular basis and make sure that your hormonal levels are where they need to be, and, if they’re not, then taking hormonal supplements can help you thrive this year. Physical exercise, of course, is incredibly important during this transitional time of a woman’s life and activities like yoga, Pilates and more can help not only strengthen the body, but also calm the nervous system as well. There are many nutritional supplements that you can get over-the-counter to help alleviate some of the discomfort of menopause, but the most important thing is to be actively involved in your self-care and medical care.

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+ HER HER-ISCOPES

Her-iscopes: Career

Predictions from the Stars •

Happy Birthday, Pisces and Aries!

P I SCE S February 19-March 20 Strengths: Compassionate, wise, creative, friendly Weaknesses: Overly trusting, moody You’ve been working hard, and your birthday will see you reflecting on your past year at work. Don’t rest on your laurels, though—instead, you may need to be prepared to present your hard work and findings in a project proposal or interview. Be sensitive about money during this time, not only your own but also considering others’ feelings on it. Remember that saving money will make you look good in any industry, so be prepared to come up with examples where you’ve done that (professionally, not saving on car insurance). You’ve got this!

A RI ES March 21-April 19 Strengths: Assertive, independent, energetic, optimistic Weaknesses: Self-involved, stubborn, impulsive If you feel that your career has plateaued, plant the seeds for future success, either by searching for a new position, learning new skills, or negotiating your salary/position at your current place. You will harvest your reward later this year in the form of a new job, a raise, or even a new industry. Don’t be surprised if the media, be it your college’s alumni magazine or the one you’re reading currently, come a knockin’ in regards to your newfound success!

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TAUR US April 20-May 20 It’s time to get schooled, Taurus. If you’ve been thinking about going back to school, start looking into it. But even if you don’t, the structure a class brings is good for you right now. Beefing up your public speaking and pitching skills will be beneficial no matter what your industry. Or, take a class on one of your hobbies like cooking or sewing to meet like-minded people. If you get the chance to travel, take it!

GEMINI May 21-June 20 Don’t take “no” for an answer, Gemini. That is, don’t take a simple “no” for an answer; ask for feedback that you can use going forward. Mercury’s retrograde in March has you feeling introspective, so turn the introspective lens on your career during this time. Dust off a “no” you got a couple of months or years ago and try again— you’ve grown since then and may be a better fit now.

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+ HER HER-ISCOPES

CA NCER June 21-July 22

S CO R PI O October 23-November 21

You’re a bit of a workaholic, so in early March, when you have an opportunity to be social, don’t blow it off for a date with Netflix and a glass of wine. You’ll meet someone who knows someone who knows something that you need to know about your career. Network on social media, too: follow bigwigs in your industry on LinkedIn and Twitter and interact with their posts. What seems like a small “I love your work!” goes a long way.

Focus on eliminating dead weight from your life. If a project has stalled or not lived up to expectations, analyze what went wrong and then leave it behind. Don’t feel guilty about time wasted on it, focus instead on a bright future and new free time. Not to tell you how to spend your free time, but focus on your friendships and filial connections you’ve neglected. Work is important but don’t forget what, and who, work is all about.

LEO July 23-August 22 Call you Ms. Worldwide because you’re going global. An opportunity to travel, work with an international partner, or expand your reach may present itself. Take it and expand your horizons. On the home front, remember that your ruling planet is the sun, so don’t dull your shine even if it seems like that’s what a bigwig wants. Lions were born to roar, not purr.

VI RGO August 23-September 22 You’re looking good money-wise, Virgo—your money planet, Venus, will go through 2019 without any retrogrades. But don’t rest on your laurels by spending your money. Focus your energy into a creative outlet. You may find a lucrative side hustle, or a business deal celebrating your genius, but most importantly, you’ll find that you’re more calm in your off time when you have a way to express yourself.

LI BRA September 23-October 22 March 7 sparks a long period of innovation for you, so lean into it. Explore your surroundings, either in nature or by playing tourist in your city. Prepare to see things in a new way—and maybe find out your heart isn’t in your current career. Success isn’t just measured by monetary gains, Libra. You might find yourself with more money, more problems if you don’t do some reflection on your current career path.

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S AG I T TA R I US November 22-December 21 You’re a natural team player who’s irreplaceable, but your job is treating you like you are. Too many women take on the responsibilities of a larger role without getting properly compensated or titled for it. It’s time to ask for what you deserve, Sagittarius. Don’t be shy! If you hear a “no,” it’s time to start looking for greener pastures. You’re loyal and deserve an employer who’s loyal to you in return.

CA PR I CO R N December 22-January 19 Starting in March, Uranus, your planet of finances, moves into practical Taurus, which has you thinking of ways you can trim the financial fat. You’ll be more honest with yourself about your wants and needs—no, you don’t “need” new shoes, you suppose—and this will carry over into your work attitude. Because you’re expecting better from yourself, you’ll expect better from other people too. This will probably upset them, so steel yourself for that.

AQ UA R I US January 20-February 18 You worked hard in 2018 and now have cool stuff to show for it in 2019—so network, girl! Don’t be afraid to brag about what you’ve been up to, and the paths you’re thinking about going. You might find someone who’s invested in your vision, be it financially or as moral support. But don’t let the rat race wear you out physically. Be sure to take care of and invest in yourself as well.

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