GET OVER IT!

By Louise Alleva D.Min, LCPC, CTC

Have you ever experienced rejection and the pain of emotional or physical hurts from someone you trusted or loved? You may begin to share this with someone or decide to bury everything and bear it because you heard that “time heals all wounds”. Eventually the pain does seem to fade. Why? Because your mind is protecting you and covers the wounds with scar tissue, yet it is never quite gone. Years later you could still be struggling and telling others. Then, in frustration someone may say to you, “Get Over It!” This is when we usually go into the self-protection or a denial phase and assure folks that we’re working it through or praying for our healing any day now. Or we try to convince them that we are already “over it” by pretending to be just fine. We may even make an inner vow not to let anyone know how much we still hurt and not “Getting Over It”. I want to tell you all right now. Things happen to all of us that we will never get over, but thankfully there is another option. We can get past it.

I have counseled others who went through painful rejection experiences from someone who they thought were friends and mentors. We would look at the initial cause of the hurt that may have happened recently or explore past years that are still giving them so much physical and mental pain. We would then go through repentance of the judgments, then forgiveness, and asking God for healing, for all involved including my client and those who caused so much pain. They would start to realize that the memory of the incident and the pain it caused was still there, recently or years ago. We then worked on the next step, which was to go past the brokenness, recognize it for what it is even though it still hurts and realize we will never completely “Get over it.” At first it doesn’t seem very comforting that the Lord wants us to be able to use the memories of the incident and the pain it caused as a way for His healing powers to help others. But by God’s grace we can begin to experience the joy and victory that could be ours no matter what we’ve been through. A few weeks after several sessions one counselee contacted me to say how happy she was! Someone in her church was going through the same kind of rejection she experienced, and she knew how to reach out to her because she had been there! Perfect example for her!

You see in order to get past our brokenness, we must recognize it for what it is and set aside the need for an instant fix. Then with God’s grace we can begin the journey toward freedom and joy that can be no matter what we’ve been through. The final step is to realize that we won’t always feel the way we do now! Think about it. When we feel down, we should seek the folks around us who can encourage us and help us be stronger. Then when we feel better or things have changed for the best, we can be encouragers to others who are suffering. The Lord says it so well in Isaiah 43:19. “Look I’m doing a new thing; can’t you see it?” I want to see it! Don’t you?

Blessings and Love Louise Alleva, D.Min, LCPC, CTC

Referenced: “Getting Past, What You’ll Never Get Over” by John F Westfall for help with more explanation and clarification.