GRIEF 101

GRIEF 101

Lang Duong

Two years ago, I lost my grandmother and my mom lost her last parent.

Symptom 1: Sadness [1]

“Why don’t Mẹ (mom) open this book?”

“Too many pictures of Bà Ngoại (grandma), it make Mẹ sad. Mẹ can’t look at them.”

I opened the book and flipped to the first page.

The first picture brought her to tears.

I closed the book.

Symptom 2: Loss of Interest [2]

“Hi Mẹ, Mẹ at work?”

“Mẹ không đi làm hôm nay.” (I’m not going to work today.)

“Tại sao?” (Why?)

“Mẹ don’t want to.”

“Okay. Did Mẹ talk to Mẹ sisters?”

“No.”

“Tại sao?”

“Mẹ too tired.”

“Okay. Did Mẹ eat today?”

“Yes, don’t worry about Mẹ. Con (you) should go study.”

“Mẹ sure?”

“Yes con.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“Okay.”

Symptom 3: Guilt [1]

“Why con not call Mẹ?”

“Con (I’m) very busy with school and work.”

“Con lucky Mẹ is alive. If Bà Ngoại is alive, Mẹ talk to Bà Ngoại every day.”

Symptom 4: Insomnia [2]

“Why Mẹ up at 6 a.m.?”

“Mẹ don’t sleep much now. Mẹ think it’s menopause.”

“Mẹ should sleep more.”

“Mẹ not sleepy.”

I knew she was lying.

She took a four-hour nap that afternoon.

“Mẹ don’t know why Mẹ feel weak.”

I do.

“When Mẹ see picture of Bà Ngoại, Mẹ cry.”

Should I tell her?

“When Mẹ look at things Bà Ngoại like, Mẹ cry.”

Would she see it as disrespect?

“Mẹ don’t want to eat, sleep, or go to work.”

Maybe I should just nod.

“Mẹ can’t stop thinking about holding Bà Ngoại hand in the hospital.”

Don’t cry.

“But Mẹ don’t want to think about it, con.”

I have to say it.

“Mẹ, that’s called grief.”

“Grief?”

Asian Americans hold a lifetime prevalence rate of 17.3% for any mental health illness; however, they are the ethnic/racial group least likely to seek mental health treatment. While there are many cultural and social barriers in place, researchers have identified lack of knowledge about mental health services and issues as a main contestant. [3]

It took nearly two years for my mom to identify her feelings as grief.

She still hasn’t sought help.

1. Melinda Smith, Jeanne Segal, and Lawrence Robinson, “Coping with Grief and Loss,” HelpGuide.org, September 2020, https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/copingwith grief-and-loss.htm. 2. “Grief,” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, accessed February 4, 2021, https:// www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/grief. 3. Raissa Tanqueco and Sejal Patel, “Mental Health Facts For Asian Americans/Pacific Islanders,” American Psychiatric Association, 2020.

-Lang Duong is a senior from Greenville, NC, pursuing a major in Psychology.-