Abuse

By Rev. Philip Zielinski

For Stacy, it had become part of everyday life: the looks, the touches, feeling like she needed to check in with him before doing much of anything. Sometimes it didn’t seem like a big deal. Other times all she wanted was for him to stop so that she would be free of this mess.

Stacy’s life is a drama played out in schools, churches, and families every day. It is the story of abuse, and whether it’s physical, sexual, verbal, or psychological, the sin of abuse takes its toll on both the victim and abuser.

Do any of these sound familiar? “What have I done to deserve this?” “Doesn’t God see what is happening to me?” “Why won’t he stop?” “What will happen if I try to get help?” Or, as the abuser, “Why do I treat my loved ones this way?”

Are these your questions? Are these the questions of your friends or loved ones? Is someone perhaps asking these questions about your own actions?

If you are so entangled, know that our Lord Jesus has not forgotten you, He has not forsaken you, and He has not turned His back on you during these trying times. He knows what it is to feel the sting of the sin of another. He felt the sting of scourge and nails for the sins of the whole world, even these sins of abuse.

Each day our lives are impacted by sin. It could be our own sinful actions and nature, the tragic effects of the earth itself being corrupted by the fall into sin (disasters, for example), or the sinful actions of others as they sin against us. Sin is all around us. Satan is prowling like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. And when he tempts someone to take advantage of someone close to them, he inflicts double the damage.

We feel the sting of such evil in our lives because we are still living in this veil of tears. Jesus’ promises of bliss and tranquility are the promises of the new heaven and new earth. His assurances for this life are of trial, persecution, and suffering. We will have crosses to bear, we will have sicknesses (of body and mind), and we will have tears and sadness. As these touch your life, you are not loved any less by God. How could you be? You are already loved perfectly by God in Christ Jesus.You are loved fully and completely. This is what brings us peace even as we are surrounded by sin and sadness.

What shall we do then when we find ourselves trapped in the cycle of abuse, abusing, and danger? First, know that you are a child of God and you can pray to Him, asking that you, your loved ones, and the abuser would find escape from this tangle of sin and know the joy and peace that only comes from the forgiveness of sins.

Escape. Find a way out of the relationship. Tell an adult. Don’t keep the secret. He’s not sorry. He will do it again. It will get worse. Your favorite teacher, a guidance counselor from school, your pastor, or a friend’s mom can all get you real help so you can be safe and you don’t have to feel threatened again. Tell a friend, and ask them to take the first step and report the abuse. You are worth much more in God’s eyes, in the eyes of your brothers and sisters in Christ, and in the eyes of someone who would truly love you as even as Christ loved His Church. Escape.

In your escape, find a place that helps those who have suffered abuse. The damage is deeper than the bruises, cuts, and other unspeakable things. There is professional help to heal your body, mind, and soul. Pastors, doctors, and counselors all have different tools to heal your wounds. Find them all. They care about you.

Remember that as you have been abused, you are not guilty. The blood of Jesus covers all your sins, and being abused is not a sin of yours. All the same, the guilt that you feel is taken away in the suffering, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Seek out where you may immerse yourself in the spiritual care of God’s Word and Sacraments. Take refuge in Christ’s Church.

Don’t be afraid. No matter what your abuser may try to tell you, your teachers, pastors, family, and friends are glad that you are safe. They will make sure that the abuser cannot see or talk to you any more. They will help you tell your story so that you can be free and safe.

Your brothers and sisters in Christ are here to love you and care for you. Talk to them. Tell your story. Lean on them. You need help starting over, healing, hiding, surviving, and forgiving. The body of Christ exists to care for the body of Christ and to care for all people. You can start right now. You can be free of the prison of abuse today. Find a shelter in your area, friends who will help you, doctors who can care for you, and a pastor who can bring the Gospel to you. These are God’s gifts to bring you safely through.

Are you afraid, feeling hopeless, or in danger? Call 911. Immediate help is available.

To get connected to help in your area, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800- 799-SAFE (7233) www.ndvh.org

Lord Jesus, quickly come, that the darkness of these earthly days would be replaced by the perpetual light of your grace and glory which is our inheritance by your death and resurrection. In your holy name we pray. Amen.

Rev. Philip Zielinski is a jet-set pastor, travelling the country as an admission counselor for Concordia Theological Seminary, in search of the next star Lutheran pastor or deaconess. E-mail him at philip.zielinski@ctsfw.edu.