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When a Loved One
Dies by Christine Mons
In the fall of 1984, I was a freshman at the University of Michigan. Life seemed to stretch before me with limitless possibilities and avenues to explore. I loved my dorm, and the all-girls wing where I was housed had quickly coalesced into a tight-knit family. We were young, alive, and invincible.
H I G H E R
T H I N G S __
It was after 10:00 p.m. on an October night when the phone rang in my friend Wendy’s room. Most of us had packed in the books for the day and were sitting out in the hallway talking. Music blared from open doors as people filtered in and out, wandering up and down the hall visiting. Wendy’s mom was on the phone. In a few minutes, Wendy’s face contorted into fear and shock. Her mom was telling her that her father had dropped over dead from a sudden heart attack. Suddenly, grief and loss had infiltrated our utopia, and none of us were immune from it. Wendy’s world collapsed that night. As her friends, we tried to console her, but our friendship was a weak substitute for her parental support. For many of us, grief had never touched our young lives, and in our inexperience, we felt ashamed and embarrassed. We didn’t know what to say or when to say it. We neither knew the words nor had ideas about resources to help our friend. Wendy was not alone. According to the National Students of AMF (Ailing Mothers, Fathers at www.studentsofamf.org), 35–48 percent of college students have lost a family member or close friend within the last two years.Yet many of these
students feel isolated by their grief and struggle through college with an invisible but very real burden that segregates them from their peers. Many young people reading this article know exactly how Wendy felt.You have lost a parent and now must face a world that expects you to grow up much too quickly.There are resources to help. Please understand that you are not alone. On Campus: Your Local LCMS Campus Ministry A campus pastor is much more than a preacher on Sunday mornings. He is a resource for you. If you are alone, call your pastor. Stop by his office. Drop by his house if he lives nearby. As the wife of a campus pastor, let me assure you that he and his family would much rather you do that then you struggle with the weight of grief and loneliness on your own. Pastors will not only let you unburden yourself, but they have the experience and the knowledge to help you through a time of mourning. As clergy, they also may have access to resources within the community that can provide support for you in addition to your local church if it is needed.
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