10 SIGNS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Comfortable Pace
Healthy relationships bring out the best in you and make you feel good about yourself. A healthy relationship does not mean a “perfect” relationship, and no one is healthy 100% of the time, but the signs below are behaviors you should strive for in all your relationships.
The relationship moves at a speed that works for each person.
Trust
Confidence that your partner won’t do anything to hurt you or ruin the relationship.
Healthy relationships manifest themselves as healthy communication, but to have a healthy relationship, you need to love yourself first. Here are some characteristics and behaviors of a healthy relationship.
Examples:
Comfortable Pace
Honesty
• Romantic: Communicating your boundaries early on (i.e. “I really like you, but I’m not a big fan of having my phone on me during the school day. Feel free to text me as often as you’d like, but know that I likely won’t get back to you until later!”)
• Friendship: Taking time to yourself when you need it.
• LGBTQ+: Respecting a person’s timeline in their coming out process.
You can be truthful and candid without fearing how the other person will respond.
» The relationship moves at a speed that feels enjoyable for each person.
• Team: Upper classmen encouraging younger teammates to show up at whatever team activities they’re comfortable with, no pressure.
Examples:
Trus t
• Romantic: Taking your partner’s word when they tell you what they did that day, and not second guessing their truthfulness.
Independence
• Friendship: When a friend confides in you about doing something embarrassing, keeping it to yourself and offering support.
ou have space to be yourself outside of the relationship.
• LGBTQ+: Feeling comfortable sharing one’s private thoughts, feelings, etc. and not worrying that they are not going to be exposed.
» You have confidence that your partner won’t do anything to hurt you or ruin the relationship.
• Team: Believing your teammate if they have to miss practice for an important event.
Examples:
Honesty
• Romantic: Opening up about past dating experiences and sharing what you lear ned from them with your partner
Respect
• Friendship: Telling your friend you need to skip plans because you need time to yourself – and knowing they won’t guilt you into coming anyway
Examples:
Independence
• Romantic: You schedule nights or times to hang out with your friends without your partner
Equality
You value one another’s beliefs and opinions and love one another for who you are as a person.
• LGBTQ+: Being truthful with one another about boundaries regarding outness, public displays of affection, etc.
» You can be truthful and candid without fearing how the other person will respond.
• Team: Candidly discussing how the team could have perfor med better in practice or during a game.
Respec t
Examples:
Kindness
• Friendship: You spend time with other friends/ friend groups- guilt free!
• LGBTQ+: Feeling comfortable spending time alone and with different friend groups both in and outside of the LGBTQ+ community
» You have space to be yourself outside of the relationship.
The relationship feels balanced and everyone puts the same effort into the success of the relationship.
• Team: Taking the time to create friendships and join clubs outside of your sport.
• Romantic: Asking for and honoring your partners boundaries (physical, digital, etc).
• Friendship: Planning activities that both of you enjoy (i.e. going to a museum/park vs. a bar).
• LGBTQ+: Using correct gender pronouns and name.
e caring and empathetic to one another, and provide comfort and support.
• Team: Respect teammate’s boundaries around how much time they want to spend with the team socially or “off the field.”
Examples:
» You value one another’s beliefs and opinions and love one another for who you are as people. Kindness
• Romantic: Sending your partner a quick text letting them know you are thinking about them.
Healthy Conflict
• Friendship: Showing up to support your friend at an event that is important to them.
• LGBTQ+: Understand that everyone has different timelines for coming out.
Openly and respectfully discussing issues and confronting disagreements non-judgmentally.
» You are caring and empathetic toward one another and provide comfort and support.
• Team: Reach out to an upset or disappointed teammate after a game and let them know they’ll do great next time, and you support them!
Examples:
Healthy Conflic t
Examples:
Equalit y
• Romantic: Household chores are split evenly between both partners
aking Responsibility
• Friendship: You switch off choosing the place you meet for dinner every time you hang out.
• LGBTQ+: Combatting stereotypes within LGBTQ+ relationship dynamics.
Owning your own actions and words.
• Team: The coach creates an environment where everyone feels like there is no favoritism in deciding who will get play time, everyone knows they have a chance.
» The relationship feels balanced and everyone puts the same effort into the success of the relationship
Examples:
• Romantic: Apologizing to your partner after saying something hurtful without placing any blame on them.
Taking Responsibility
Fun
• Friendship: Apologize for forgetting to invite your friend to a party, and making an intentional effort to include them in the next activity
» You own your own actions and words.
• LGBTQ+: Openly apologize if you misgender/dead name someone.
You enjoy spending time together and bring out the best in each other
• Team: After picking up a penalty, the player owns his mistake in the teams next huddle and vows to stay more focused.
• Romantic: Accepting your partner’s honest & sincer apology and being willing to forgive them.
• Friendship: Disagreeing on what to do for a night out and deciding to vote as a group to make the choice.
• LGBTQ+: No matter what conflict is going on, always respecting your loved ones’ identities, bodies, feelings, needs, and more!
• Team: After an outburst during a practice, the two people involved meet up after the game to talk about what they felt and what happened.
» You openly and respectfully discuss issues and confront disagreement s nonjudgmentally.
Examples:
Fun
• Romantic: Scheduling a weekly date night and cooking new recipes together
• Friendship: For a friend’s birthday, planning a day full of their favorite activities.
• LGBTQ+: Getting involved in LGBTQ+ communities together
» You enjoy spending time together and bring out the best in each other.
• Team: A great practice before a big game or tour nament that gets the team excited and locked in.
For more information on healthy relationships, please contact Brittany Rhoden at StudentTitleIX@hofstra.edu or 516-463-5841.
KNOW THE SIGNS!
10 SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Intensity
When someone expresses very extreme feelings and over-the top behavior that feels overwhelming.
Possessiveness
While everyone does unhealthy things sometimes, we can all learn to love better by recognizing unhealthy signs and shifting to healthy behaviors. If you are seeing unhealthy signs in your relationship, it’s important to not ignore them and understand that they can escalate to abuse. If you think you are in a dangerous situation, trust your gut and get help.
When someone is jealous to a point where they try to control who you spend time with and what you do.
Examples:
Intensity
• Romantic: Saying “I love you” very early on in a new relationship.
Manipulation
• Friendship: Demanding your friend FaceTimes or talks on the phone every night.
• LGBTQ+: Making someone feel obligated to date, spend more time with, or get more serious with a partner because of a lack LGBTQ+ community
When someone tries to control your decisions, actions or emot
• Team: Feeling like you have to hang out with your team 100% of the time and always go to team parties on weekends.
Examples:
» When someone expresses extreme feelings and over-thetop behavior that feels overwhelming Manipulation
Sabotage
• Romantic: Using gifts and apologies to get back on your partner’s good side after an argument.
Possessiveness
Examples:
• Romantic: Telling your partner what they can or can’t wear
Isolation
• Friendship: Requiring your friend to share their location or check their texts.
• LGBTQ+: A partner telling you they don’t want you to hang out at the LGBTQ+ Center on campus, because you previously dated some of the members.
When someone keeps you away from friends, family, or other people.
• Friendship: Saying “If you were really my friend, you would only spend time with me.”
• LGBTQ+: Trying to convince someone to stay in the closet or to come out before they are ready
» When someone is jealous to a point where they try to control who you spend time with and what you do.
• Team: Extreme jealousy about teammates spending time with friends outside the team/sport or forbidding it.
Examples:
Isolation
• Romantic: Talking badly about a partner’s friends and family to cause them to grow apart.
» When someone tries to control your decisions, actions, or emotions.
• Team: When upperclassmen tell freshmen they should be grateful for a coach’s attention when the coach is treating them badly
When someone purposely ruins your reputation, achievements, or success.
Sabotage
Examples:
Belittling
• Friendship: Intentionally excluding someone from a group chat.
• LGBTQ+: Using a lack of acceptance to keep someone from spending time with friends or family
» When someone keeps you away from friends, family, or other people.
• Team: Your teammates make you feel like you aren’t dedicated to the team if you hang out with friends who don’t play a sport.
When someone does and says things to make you feel bad about yoursel
• Romantic: Threatening to share explicit photos you sent them in confidence if you break up.
Guilting
Examples:
Belittling
• Friendship: Spreading a rumor about you.
• LGBTQ+: Outing someone to get them fired, kicked off a team, or kicked out of their home.
When someone makes you feel responsible for their actions or makes you ’s your job to keep them happy.
• Team: A teammate lies to your coach about something you did so they will get more playing time than you.
» When someone purposely ruins your reputation or undermines your achievements or success.
Examples:
Guilting
• Romantic: Making snarky comments about your body or food choices.
Volatility
• Friendship: Making fun of the TV shows or music they know you like.
• LGBTQ+: Using stereotypes or transphobic comments toward someone to make them feel small or worthless.
When someone has a r ly strong, unpredictable reaction that makes you feel scared, confused or intimidated.
• Romantic: “If you leave me, I don’t think I could live without you.”
Deflecting Responsibility
• Friendship: Telling a friend they have to go out at night, even after they stated they wanted to stay in and catch up on sleep.
» When someone does and says things to make you feel bad about yourself.
• Team: Making a teammate feel like they are responsible for the loss of a game or meet.
• Other: Name-calling
Examples:
Volatility
• Romantic: You partner throws things across the room when they’re angry then immediately tells you they love you.
Betrayal
• LGBTQ+: Making someone feel bad about their identity, their unsureness around their identity, their dating history (ex: biphobia), or how out they are to friends/family/etc.
When someone repeatedly makes excuses for their unhealthy behavior
» When someone makes you feel responsible for their actions or makes you feel like it’s your job to keep them happy.
Examples:
• Team: Telling a teammate that you missed a shot because they were in your way
Deflecting Responsibility
• Romantic: Blaming your reaction on your partner: “If you had apologized earlier, I wouldn’t have done it.”
• Friendship: Blaming stress for unhealthy behavior
• Friendship: Refusing to go to the movies with your friend unless you get to choose the movie.
• LGBTQ+: Justifying erratic behavior around the lack of acceptance of their identity
When someone is disloyal or acts in an intentionally dishonest way
• LGBTQ+: Blaming problems on someone’s LGBTQ+ identity or using a partner’s identity or one’s own identity as an excuse for behaving in unhealthy ways.
• Team: Refusing to take ownership over mistakes after a loss, blaming a mistake on everyone else but yourself.
» When someone repeatedly makes excuses for their unhealthy behavior.
» When someone has an intense, unpredictable reaction that makes you feel scared, confused, or intimidated.
• Team: A coach who screams and yells at players with little war ning. Nobody knows what is going to be the next thing to set them off.
Betrayal
Examples:
• Romantic: Cheating on your partner and lying about it.
• Friendship: Revealing to your friend’s crush that they like them despite them asking you not to.
• LGBTQ+: “Outing” someone before they are ready
» When someone is disloyal or acts in a dishonest way.
• Team: Committing to a solo-workout, not completing it, and lying to your teammates that you did!