Fall 2013
Moving
HEARTS to ACTION A partnership for children and families in Ethiopia
HURR Y! Great
g ideas i ift nside!
INSIDE: Christmas 2013
GIfts of hope
in this issue 4
11
A Place of Hope & Promise
november-december 2013 vol. 55 no. 5
In Shinshicho, Ethiopia, Holt is partnering with the local community to improve the lives of children and families.
our vision A world where every child has a loving and secure home.
Holt’s Gifts of Hope catalog Honor your loved ones this holiday season by giving gifts of hope to children and families in need.
22
Adoptees Today An adult adoptee shares her story of meeting her birth family in Korea.
24
Post Adoption Struggling with their daughter’s indiscriminate affection, a family learns ways to teach her about appropriate boundaries.
This month, we explore Holt's work in Ethiopia, from family strengthening projects like the Shinshicho Mother and Child Hospital, to the changing adoption landscape. Cover photo by Jessica Boever Photography.
Dear Readers I’m excited to share with you the fall 2013 issue of Holt International Magazine! In this issue, we feature a story about our recent work in Ethiopia. In three vignettes, staff writer Billie Loewen explores the different ways Holt is working to improve the health and wellbeing of families and children in the southern region of Shinshicho — from supporting a new school for deaf children, to partnering with the community to build a hospital focused on maternal-child health. These projects bolster our efforts to help vulnerable children remain in the loving care of their birth families, and we are so excited to see the lasting impact they will have on this beautiful community. This month, we are also celebrating another important part of our work. November is National Adoption Month! While in recent years we have broadened the scope of our work to focus on family strengthening and other child welfare programs, international adoption remains a significant part of what we do. We still seek a world where
In 1955 Harry and Bertha Holt responded to the conviction that God had called them to help children left homeless by the Korean War. Though it took an act of the U.S. Congress, the Holts adopted eight of those children. But they were moved by the desperate plight of other orphaned children in Korea and other countries as well, so they founded Holt International Children’s Services in order to unite homeless children with families who would love them as their own. Today Holt International serves children and families in Cambodia, China, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea), Ethiopia, Haiti, India, Nepal, the Philippines, the Republic of Korea (South Korea), Thailand, Mongolia, Uganda, the United States and Vietnam. president & ceo Phillip A. Littleton vice-president of Africa & haiti programs Dan Lauer vice-president of finance & Administration Kevin Sweeney vice-president of Adoption services Lisa Vertulfo vice-president of development Jack Wharfield vice-president of policy & external Affairs Susan Soonkeum Cox vice president of Asia programs David Lim vice president of china programs Jian Chen Holt International magazine is published by Holt International Children’s Services, Inc., a nonprofit, Christian, child welfare organization. While Holt International is responsible for the content of Holt International magazine, the viewpoints expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the organization. creative services director Brian Campbell creative services manager Laura Mathews managing editor Robin Munro writer/editor Ashli Keyser writer/editor Billie Loewen
every child has a loving and secure home. And we still seek families for children who truly need them — children like Kettie Lou Britton, whose face graces the cover of this magazine. Kettie just came home to her family from Ethiopia this past July. Her story is featured on page 8. This National Adoption Month, join us in advocating for children who need families! Start by reading about Shaun, Scott, Anderson and Andy in the waiting child section of this magazine. Boys, especially older boys, continue to need extra help finding loving
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l / fa l l 2013
families, and you can help by sharing their stories. During this year’s awareness campaign, we will be sharing lots of wonderful family and adoptee stories on the Holt blog and social media pages. We will also post stories about children waiting for families, and helpful information about everything from affording adoption to post-adoption services for families and adoptees. As an adoptive parent, you can encourage others to consider adoption by sharing your own story. Or if
subscription orders/Inquiries & Address changes Send all editorial correspondence and changes of address to Holt International magazine, Holt International, P.O. Box 2880, Eugene, OR 97402. We ask for an annual donation of $20 to cover the cost of publication and mailing inside the United States and $40 outside the United States. Holt welcomes the contribution of letters and articles for publication, but assumes no responsibility for return of letters, manuscripts or photos. reprint Information Permission from Holt International is required prior to reprinting any portion of Holt International magazine. Please direct reprint requests to editor Brian Campbell at 541/687.2202 or brianc@holtinternational.org. copyright ©2013 by holt International children’s services, Inc. Issn 1047-7640
you’re considering adoption — what a wonderful month to begin your journey! Follow us online at www.holtinternational.org/blog for more ideas and inspiration on how you can help advocate for orphaned and abandoned children this National Adoption Month. Adoption Rocks!
2
robin munro |
Managing Editor
P.O. Box 2880 (1195 City View) Eugene, OR 97402 Ph: 541/687.2202 Fax: 541/683.6175
directions A message of hope, A Gift of love A holiday message from Holt’s President and CEO Weaved throughout the Christmas season is the theme of “messages.” We celebrate Christmas to remember the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. God sent Jesus to earth to share His message of love and hope for the future. And today, as we prepare for the holidays, we receive messages in our mail from family and friends, wishing us happiness and health. These warm messages offer us all a heartfelt reminder of all the blessings the Lord has provided throughout the year. I recently returned from a trip to Ethiopia, a beautiful country, indeed, but one that is in desperate need of another kind of message — a message from people here in the United States, especially at Christmas time. A message that we have not forgotten what the Lord has called us to do: “help the widows and orphans in their distress.” Through our special Gifts of Hope catalog, Holt offers you a chance to do just that, and not only in Ethiopia. Maybe you adopted a child from China or India. Wouldn’t it be special to send a Christmas gift to a vulnerable child who lives in your child’s birth country? Or help a struggling family provide for their children? This holiday season, you can purchase gift items for your family members and other loved ones that will go directly to children in Holt’s care. Items that will help a girl in India receive a proper education, or help a family generate income. This Christmas, you can also help Holt finish construction on the maternal-child hospital in Shinshicho, Ethiopia — the project featured on page 6. Through your gift, you could help save the lives of thousands of children, and bring a brighter future to the people of Shinshicho. Just as we receive loving messages during Christmas time, it’s time to send the people of Ethiopia, and all the countries where we work, a message that we care about what happens to them. A Christ-centered message of good wishes, of health, of happiness and of hope. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
phillip A. littleton |
President
Scan here for Gifts of Hope giving opportunities online.
A PLACE OF HOPE & PROMISE Whether it is two communities partnering to build a life-saving hospital, sponsors and parents joining forces to educate children with special needs, or a family welcoming home their newest edition, Holt International and the people of Shinshicho, Ethiopia have come together for one cause: to give children a brighter, more hopeful future.
A PLACE TO LEARN In 2010, Ato Abebe AburA, a businessman in Shinshicho, Ethiopia, was walking through a lively market where residents sell coffee beans from hand-woven baskets, rolls of colorful fabric, and heaps of bananas. Families were busy buying and selling goods, and children were busy running and playing. He saw a group of children surrounding one boy. At first, he thought they were playing. When he realized the boy was being beaten, Abebe rushed in to help. He broke up the crowd and pulled the boy to his feet. It took a moment, but Abebe soon realized why the boy was being bullied. He was deaf. In Shinshicho, the rate of deafness in children is alarmingly high. More than 500 children in the area have been identified as deaf, and most are from poverty-stricken families — the same families we support through family strengthening and other programs. No one is sure why deafness is so prevalent here. Some think it may be an adverse side effect of malaria, or even malaria antibiotics. Others suspect it’s genetic. While the cause is unclear, the impact on deaf children is quite apparent — and goes beyond a daily struggle to communicate. In Ethiopia, most physical disabilities are heavily stigmatized. “For children with disabilities, including deafness and blindness, it is very terrible,” says Dan Lauer, Holt’s vice president of programs in Africa and Haiti. “They are marginalized from the community.” Until three years ago, the deaf children of Shinshicho were mostly kept behind closed doors and had nowhere to learn. Without a place in society, they also risked losing their families — ending up on the streets, vulnerable to abuse and exploitation.
billie loewen |
Staff Writer
In 2010, Abebe convInced country officials to donate a mud-and-stick, two-room school, and he worked with the ministry to find sign language teachers. Recognizing that this school is vital to keeping deaf children in their families, Holt aided with supplies, and now about 200 students attend the first school in Shinshicho for deaf children. For some of these children, the school is the first place — outside of their homes — where they feel safe and loved. During Dan’s visit in August, he watched as children bent and curled their fingers, following the hand movements of their teachers in white lab coats. Their shoulders touched those of the student sitting on a bench next to them, and the classroom was hot and sticky. The teacher scratched a stick-figure shape of a dog onto the blackboard with chalk. The kids slapped their thigh twice, lifted their hand near their chin and snapped their fingers. Dog. In the classroom with older kids, they were stringing together sentences, and learning to write in English and Amharic. “This school is giving our children a chance for a future,” one student’s father told Dan. “Before they came to this school, they could not talk to anyone, including their mothers and fathers. Now they have a life that was not possible before. Whatever it takes to get them to school, we will do it.” On Saturdays, parents attend classes too, learning to communicate with their child for the first time. The parents laugh and follow along in the lesson with their child. Some have walked up to eight miles to be here. “Most of these parents are very poor,” Dan says. “They are mostly illiterate and for them, this is their first time receiving an education. It’s very emotional for them.”
AlreAdy, the number of students has overwhelmed the available space and resources. When the school opened, they had space for 50 students, but didn’t want to turn away any of the hopeful faces who showed up — eager to learn. With the help of local officials and Holt, the community is drafting plans to expand the school. Next year, the school hopes to add at least 100 new students, and continue adding students at the same rate each year until every deaf child is included. By giving them a place in society, this grassroots movement is slowly erasing the stigma against deaf children in Shinshicho. “For the first time, kids get to have supportive friendships and normal childhoods,” Dan said. “They get to re-enter their community, and be embraced.” Holt is working with the school to determine how we can continue to assist. Holt hopes to add 50-100 families with deaf children to our sponsorship and family strengthening program. In addition to educational assistance, sponsors will help provide these families with medical care, livestock and other projects to generate income, and other vital services. While these family strengthening services will help keep deaf children in their families, the education they receive at the school is essential to their overall health and wellbeing. In many ways, supporting this school is an important part of achieving our mission in Shinshicho. Less than three blocks away stands the nearly complete Shinshicho Mother and Child Hospital — the hospital Holt is helping to build for the people of this community. Dan hopes that once the hospital is operational, some time and resources will go toward studying and identifying the cause of deafness in the region — and ultimately, eradicating it from Shinshicho.
TOP LEFT: Students follow along with their teacher during a lesson at Shinshicho's first school for deaf children. The number of deaf children in this region is alarmingly high, and no one is sure why it is so prevalent. TOP CENTER: A teacher signs the alphabet with her students. When the school for deaf children opened in 2010, the teachers expected 50 students. On the first day, more than 100 showed up for classes. The school has grown to include 200 students, and hopes to add 100 new students per year until every deaf child is in attendance. TOP RIGHT: On Saturdays, parents attend class with their child. Some are learning to communicate with their child for the first time. BOTTOM: Children run and play near Shinshicho, where the first deaf school in the region is helping erase the stigma associated with this common special need.
A PLACE TO HEAL the pArKInG lot of Eugene, Oregon’s Big Y Storage looks like a Tetris board of metal IV drips, padded gurneys and birthing equipment. On an unseasonably hot September morning, volunteers from four local organizations and businesses are emptying three large bays of storage, each overflowing with medical gadgets, into a semi-truck. From the Big Y lot, the equipment will embark on the first leg of a two-month journey, from Eugene to Seattle in a 40-foot shipping crate, across the Pacific by ship to the port of Djibouti in the horn of Africa, then by truck to its final destination — the hospital Holt is helping to build in Shinshicho. In this isolated region scarred by civil war, famine and illness, thousands of women and children die every year in childbirth, or from other preventable causes. Three years ago, Holt allied with the Shinshicho community to combat this reality. Together, we would build a 40,000-square foot maternal and child hospital in Shinshicho, equipped with surgical units, X-ray labs and more than 100 doctors trained in advanced care. Although this project developed from a partnership between Holt and Shinshicho, Holt never anticipated this decision would unite two
To help support the Shinshicho Mother and Child Hospital, turn to page 17
communities from opposite ends of the globe; together, we would turn an incredible vision into a life-saving reality. It all started in 2007.
Neither Holt nor Shinshicho elders could have predicted how God would make the hospital come together. But Psalm 145:14 is a reminder that, “The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made." when holt beGAn a family strengthening project in Shinshicho six years ago, the region's only health clinic desperately needed repairs. Many mothers were forced to gamble on their health, and the health of their children. When children had high fevers or mothers went into labor, they could try to make the 12-mile journey by foot to the nearest hospital, or hope for the best. Seeing the tremendous need for better medical care, Holt helped revamp the
run-down clinic, and more than 50,000 people received care the first year. Still, the clinic couldn’t treat more advanced conditions. At the urging of Shinshicho elders, Holt and officials from Ethiopia began to draft plans for a hospital focused on mother and child health, but equipped to offer life-saving medical care to the 250,000 people who live in the region. Neither Holt nor Shinshicho could have predicted how God would make the hospital come together. But Psalm 145:14 is a reminder that, “The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.” True to His promises, the Lord orchestrated a plan that moved hearts to action. In 2009, a year before the hospital project officially began, Patric and Holly Campbell traveled to Ethiopia to adopt their son, Miles. While there, they visited the clinic in Shinshicho, and heard about plans for the new hospital. Not long after the trip, Patric was in a board meeting at Slocum Center for Orthopedics and Sports Medicine in Eugene, Oregon — the Campbells just happen to live in the same town as Holt’s headquarters — when he heard the company wanted
LEFT: Rotary Club members help move donated hospital equipment from storage bays into a semi-truck. The equipment arrived in Shinshicho, Ethiopia in October. CENTER: Children and parents near the mother and child hospital Holt is helping to build in Shinshicho. In Shinshicho, the closest hospital is about 12 miles away. RIGHT: The mother and child hospital in Shinshicho is expected to be complete in early 2014.
to upgrade some of their X-ray equipment. Patric saw an opportunity to help the hospital that still weighed heavy on his heart, and asked Slocum to donate their unneeded equipment to Shinshicho. “The equipment still had a 20-plus year lifespan,” Patric says, “Slocum didn’t want the equipment to become junk.” In 2010, Slocum donated two full rooms of X-ray equipment, including tables, machines and film processing materials.
to raise funds, and gathered support from farmers, ministry officials and local leaders. Already, the people of Shinshicho have pooled more than $150,000, and they’ve done it by donating $2-20 at a time. Many people in Shinshicho live on less than $2 per day, so these funds represent a tremendous sacrifice. “When I visit people struggling to survive — they mostly live on subsistence farming — it’s amazing to think of that many donations,” Dan says.
meAnwhIle, In shInshIcho, the hospital project was transforming local families before the foundation had even been poured. Holt strived to employ locals to build the hospital, which created more than 200 new jobs in the area. “Part of the reason the hospital is taking longer to build is that it was important to keep the work local, which means the workers had to be trained,” says Holt’s vice president of Africa programs, Dan Lauer. The construction crew has learned skills that will continue to increase their employment opportunities long after the hospital is complete, ultimately strengthening their ability to provide for their children. Four village elders rallied the community
After slocum donAted the X-ray equipment, Patric told hospital administrators about Shinshicho, and some clinics donated equipment. Patric also met with Eugene’s Delta Rotary Club, which shared some incredible news. Across Oregon, when medical clinics updated their equipment, rotary clubs in the area had the vision to place the discarded equipment into storage. Across the state, hospital supplies began to stockpile, waiting to be put to good use. Shinshicho was the perfect opportunity. In 2011, Big Y Storage donated three bays of space to keep the hospital equipment in one central location in Eugene. On the equipment shipping day, Rotary
Club members volunteered to do the heavy lifting, and an international shipping company based in Eugene, Lile Moving and Storage, donated trucks to facilitate the haul. Wheelchairs, ultrasound machines, and exam tables litter Big Y’s parking lot. While Patric coordinates the move on his cell phone, volunteers carry boxes of gowns, blankets and X-ray illuminators into the truck, which will then transport the supplies to Lile’s headquarters. Then, everything, including Slocum’s X-ray equipment, will be loaded into one of two 40-foot metal shipping containers. Already, Shinshicho is drafting future plans for the hospital. The district donated a large parcel of land, which could some day house medical staff offices or a care center for the elderly. The zonal health ministry is committed to staffing the hospital longterm, and continuing to invest financial resources in the project. The community of Eugene helped the hospital get off the ground, but it’s the community of Shinshicho that will keep the hospital running for years to come. The hospital is set to open in early 2014, and already there is a sense of hope — both in Eugene and Shinshicho — for the future.
A PLACE TO CALL HOME
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l / fa l l 2 013
the bus bounced and bobbled during a 45-minute drive on rough, dirt roads through Ethiopia’s capital city. Shannon and Jeff Britton had studied books on the region, but this was their first time in the country, and as the driver pulled up to a small gate and honked a few times to be let in, their hands shook with nervousness. The care center director welcomed the American guests, and led them to a back room where a row of babies was fast asleep. The caretaker picked up one baby, a tiny 14-month-old who had just recently entered care. Ketinbone, which means “she who has pride,” wore a blue denim dress, her short, dark hair separated into little ponytails all over her head. Shannon wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. She and Jeff had waited more than two years for this moment, fighting off doubt that it would ever come. When the caretaker handed Ketinbone to Shannon, the baby didn’t cry or seem scared. Her big, sleepy brown eyes curiously studied the woman smiling down on her, tears in her eyes. Ketinbone didn’t know it, but she was meeting her parents for the first time. In KetInbone’s nAtIve ethIopIA, more than 4.6 million children are missing one or both parents. Illness, economic instability, and drought all threaten the livelihood of families and children — children like Ketinbone, who is just one of many whose family felt compelled to relinquish her not for lack of love, but lack of resources. When Holt began our work in Ethiopia in 2007, we aimed to help strengthen vulnerable families, and find families for orphaned and abandoned children — for children who truly need adoption to have a stable, loving home. Whenever possible, we strive to keep or reunite children with their birth families before pursuing adoption. But some children have lost their families. Or in some cases, their families have made the informed decision to place them for adoption. For these children, adoption is truly the best avenue
to a stable, loving family. This fact has remained unchanged in the years since Holt began placing children from Ethiopia. What has changed is the number of children coming home every year. In 2008, adoption placements grew as hopeful adoptive families learned of the need in Ethiopia. The following year, Shannon and Jeff Britton spent a week caring for orphans in Guatemala, and their hearts opened to the idea of adoption. On Shannon’s 25th birthday — in 2010 — they submitted paperwork to adopt a child from Ethiopia. A short while later, Ethiopia began to limit placements and create stricter adoption guidelines over concerns about child trafficking. While Holt joined forces with the U.S. and Ethiopian government to help ensure important protections for children and their birth parents, the process slowed to a near halt for many families. Meanwhile, the number of orphaned and abandoned children continued to grow. Caught in the delays, the Brittons continued to wait for a match. They stayed awake at night questioning whether adoption was really God’s plan for them, and every time Holt’s 541 area code appeared on their phones — their hearts jumped, and then sank. Then, one afternoon nearly two years into the process, Shannon laid her son down for a nap, and kicked back to relax. Her phone rang. “It was a number I didn’t recognize, but it said Oregon, and if you’re adopting from Holt, you always answer if it’s a call from Oregon,” Shannon says. “I said hello, expecting that we needed to turn something in.” The call was from Holt. They had a daughter. Crying, shaking and jumping, Shannon drove to meet Jeff at his office. Together, they opened an email from Holt, and a picture of Ketinbone stared back at them. In July 2013 — two years and eight months from the time they applied to adopt — Shannon and Jeff brought their daughter, “Kettie Lou,” home.
TOP LEFT: Kettie Lou with her older brother, Charlie. Shannon says the siblings quickly became best friends. MIDDLE LEFT: Shannon and Kettie Lou meet for the first time at a childcare center in Addis, Ethiopia. Shannon and Jeff brought Kettie Lou home two years and eight months after applying to adopt. BOTTOM LEFT: Shannon, Jeff and Charlie welcome home Kettie Lou, one of 70 children Holt placed in 2013. RIGHT: Shannon says Kettie Lou is learning quickly. She is giggly and loves to eat.
todAy, As ethIopIA contInues to strengthen safeguards for children, the standard time frame to adopt from Ethiopia is upwards of 26 months. But just this year, Holt’s Ethiopia program has matched 70 children with families — a number small in comparison to the 186 placed in 2010, but a
significant increase from the last two years. While the majority of children being placed in loving homes are infants-to-3 years old, older children, children with special needs, and sibling groups are also finding families. As referral ages vary, Holt is only accepting applications from families who are open to adopting a child 5 years or older, which helps ensure that every child referred to us for home-finding will soon be matched with a family. To keep wait times reasonable for families, our Ethiopia program is only accepting a limited number of applications. Shannon and Jeff say even though their process was tricky, the transition home has been relatively easy. Kettie is giggly and happy. She gained five pounds in her first seven weeks home. She and her brother Charlie are best friends, and Kettie is learning to identify all the members of her big new family. When Kettie is ready to learn about her family in Africa, Holt has provided Jeff and Shannon an incredible resource to guide that conversation. In AprIl, holt began a partnership with care centers in Ethiopia to create an innovative new resource for adoptees and their parents, called “life books,” which are short, deeply personalized documentaries on the child’s birth country and life prior to adoption. The life book helps answer an adoptee’s questions about his or her birth family, and also reassures parents that their child’s relinquishment was well considered and done purely out of love. Kettie’s life book is about 11 minutes long and includes interviews with her birth mother, scenes from the town where she was born, and important information about Kettie’s birth family and circumstances of relinquishment. The DVD is both heartbreaking and reassuring, intimate yet candid. Jeff and Shannon say Kettie’s life book is a blessing. Some day, it will help answer questions Kettie may have, and remind Kettie how deeply loved she was and is. “We knew a lot of Kettie’s story before the life book was given to us,” Shannon says. “Because of that, it was hard for us to get the courage to watch it. We deeply love Kettie’s birth mother, and are saddened by the events in her life. The blessing Kettie is to our family and our gain came with great loss and pain for her young birth mother.” Like many young women, Kettie’s birth mother faced tremendous struggles, and wanted Kettie to have a better future. Shannon is grateful that Kettie will be able to see what her birth mother looks like, and hear how much she loves her. While adoption wasn’t easy for the Brittons, it was worth it. “We would cry every tear and go through those sleepless nights again in a heartbeat,” Shannon says. “She is more than worth the wait.”
Interested in adopting from Ethiopia? Learn more at www.holtinternational.org/ethiopia.
YOU CAN HELP CHANGE A CHILD'S LIFE FOREVER!
COMING SOON TO YOUR AREA!
VOLUNTEERS NEEDED to
Join Holt International & NewSong at
promote child sponsorship!
we need volunteers for wInter JAm 2013 Your gift of time for one evening will positively impact a vulnerable child’s life forever! Since 2006, NewSong has helped find more than 50,000 new sponsors for vulnerable children around the world. We are excited to join forces again in 2013 to advocate for orphaned, abandoned and at-risk children and families overseas! Every year, in jam-packed stadiums from the West to the East coasts, Winter Jam artists inspire thousands of people to sponsor children in need. Tell your family and friends about this fun and easy way to make a difference in the life of a child — with Holt and NewSong at a concert near you! We look forward to seeing you at one of the 50 winter and spring concerts planned for Winter Jam 2014! See Holt’s website for a full list of concert dates and locations and to register online as a volunteer! Register NOW to volunteer at a concert in your area! Go to:
be A volunteer
SIGN UP TODA Y!
SIGN UP ONLINE AT: holtinternational.org/winterjam
9
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l .or g
holtinternational.org/winterjam
children who give
ABOVE LEFT: Jake in his New Jersey Youth Devils hockey uniform, pictured with his sister, Chloe. ABOVE RIGHT: Jack and Chloe with their parents, Brian and Christine.
score one for holt
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l / fa l l 2013
As part of a service learning project at his school, Holt adoptee Jake Schunke uses his love of hockey to raise funds for orphaned and abandoned children in Korea. On September 24, 2004, we welcomed home our first child from Ulsan City, South Korea — a boy we named Jake. When he came off the plane, a relative of his escort pulled my husband aside and whispered in his ear, “He is a wise old soul.” Jake is a third grader now. He is a smart, compassionate kid with one main love — hockey. When Jake was in preschool, he would use everything — blocks, playdough, markers — to create a hockey arena. He would make his classmates or friends stand while he sang both the U.S. and Canadian national anthems. Always a determined little kid, he learned to skate as a young toddler and now plays goalie for the New Jersey Youth Devils hockey club. We live in the suburbs of New Jersey, where our kids attend Brunner Elementary School. As part of a grade-wide service learning project, the third graders embarked on a mission to help others who need companionship. The class identified and discussed different groups who may be in need. After their teacher, Mrs. Pincus, read them a child’s story about a community coming together to help those in need — Give a Goat by Jan Schrock — Jake’s class was determined to raise enough money to help struggling families. Some students held bake sales, while others donated money from their allowances. Inspired by the book and his classmates’ efforts, Jake came home from school with an idea. He wanted to organize a fundraising event that combined his desire to help others with his favorite sport, hockey. He simulated a game often held between periods in NHL arenas across North America, called Super Score O. In Super Score O, participants try to shoot a puck into the net from a set distance. It’s not an easy game for any adult, let alone a third grader! Despite an early heat wave in New Jersey, friends came out in droves to participate in Score
10
O. All together, his class raised $892.94, of which Jake and his Score O teams contributed $330. We weren’t surprised when Jake wanted to incorporate a hockey theme into helping others, but we were surprised by how much money he was able to raise. We were even more surprised when we heard whom the money would benefit. When Jake’s class was deciding where to donate the money, Jake told them about Holt International, the agency through which we adopted him and his sister, Chloe. After he shared how Holt helps orphaned, abandoned and vulnerable children all over the world, Mrs. Pincus’ third grade class decided to donate half the money they raised to Holt. As a special way to honor Jake, the class felt the money should go specifically towards the South Korea program! Of the $450 donated to Holt, more than $300 will help children in Korea who need cleft lip and palate surgeries, or surgeries for a congenital heart condition. The rest will help support children living in foster care. Holt’s foster care program in Korea holds a special place in our hearts. Both Jake and Chloe were privileged to live in foster care while they were in Korea. They received the unconditional love and care that is vital to a child's healthy development. Words cannot express how grateful we are to these selfless families who care for these babies as if they were their own. The love Jake received in foster care helped shape him into the loving and compassionate boy he is today. We couldn’t be more proud of Jake, his amazing classmates, and his extraordinary teacher, Mrs. Pincus, who helped teach such an invaluable lesson. She taught her students that altruism and generosity can make the world a better place, and that wisdom can come from anyone, at any age.
christine schunke | Scotch Plains, New Jersey Help children with special needs receive the medical care they need! See item #8 on page 14.
Gift s of HOP E
HURR Y! Great
HOLT INTERNATIONAL
GIFTS OF HOPE
g ideas i ift nside!
www.holtinternational.org
Most popula r gifts!
1.
cows and donkeys save families A cow’s milk, fertilizer, calves and meat can quickly strengthen a family’s ďŹ nancial stability and help them escape hunger for good. Donkeys help transport grains, vegetables and other crops to market, easing the burden on many subsistence-farming families in Ethiopia and Uganda.
suggested Amount: $150
2.
little chicks make a huge difference Within a few months of birth, chicks become chickens and begin laying eggs. Eggs provide protein and other vital nutrients for growing kids, and extra eggs and chicks can generate income for a small family business.
suggested Amount: $50
3.
An egg a day For children in our partners' care in India, eggs are a valuable source of protein and an essential part of their diet. Your Gift of Hope can provide ten children with one egg every day for one month!
suggested Amount: $30 per month for 10 children
4.
pigs and Goats are like money in the bank Within months, piglets grow to weigh a couple hundred pounds — bringing a big payoff at the market. Goats are also a smart investment, as they thrive in extreme climates and arid landscapes while fertilizing the ground with their manure. Goats also supply families with nutritious milk every day!
suggested Amount: $100
5.
foster care for a vulnerable child A more nurturing alternative to institutional care, foster care provides the loving, personal attention children need to grow and thrive. Holt strives to place as many orphaned and abandoned children in foster care as possible while they wait to rejoin their birth families or join loving adoptive families. Typically, $85 — less than $3 a day — will cover one month of care for one child.
suggested Amount: $85 per month per child
6.
vocational training or education families by giving them the tools and resources they need to
protect a child from deadly diseases
support their children. In some cases, Holt helps provide job
Many of the families Holt serves can’t
skills training or other education for parents struggling to
afford basic healthcare for their children
make ends meet — many of them single mothers. In India,
— care that can safeguard a child
In countries around the world, Holt works to strengthen
7.
Holt equips many struggling
against life-threatening illnesses. Your
mothers with induction cookers
gift will provide basic treatments, tests
or sewing machines they can
and immunizations against preventable
use to run small businesses
childhood diseases.
selling meals and sewn items. This Christmas, give the gift of education or vocational training
suggested Amount: $75 per child
and start-up resources to an atrisk family overseas — helping loving families stay together, and children grow and thrive.
suggested Amount: $100
8.
medical procedures for children Give a gift that lasts a lifetime! Many children relinquished into Holt’s care have disabilities or special medical needs. When children receive the medical attention they need, not only are they more likely to thrive, they are also more likely to rejoin their birth families or join adoptive families. Your gift of a cleft lip and palate repair or surgery for a congenital heart condition can change a child’s life forever.
suggested Amount: $300
10.
sturdy shoes and boots Imagine walking to school or gathering food and water in a pair of homemade, cloth shoes. Without sturdy shoes, children’s feet are defenseless against injury or parasites. We wish you could hear the squeals of delight when children open boxes of brand new shoes and boots!
9.
warm clothing for children in care Many children enter Holt’s care in nothing but tattered rags, exposing them to weather and disease. Your Gift of Hope will help provide climateappropriate clothing and other personal items for children in need.
suggested Amount: $40 per child
11.
help furnish holt’s childcare centers with beds, cribs, bedding, linens and toys Many of Holt’s programs are always in need of more beds, cribs, bedding, linens and toys for children. Your Gift of Hope will help us provide a refuge for children in greatest need.
suggested Amount: $50 per child
suggested Amount: $20 per child
13.
daycare for vulnerable children Many low-income families can't pay for daycare, which leaves children at risk of malnutrition, neglect and isolation. Your Gift of Hope will provide a preschool-aged child with
12.
the opportunity to attend a safe,
school supplies for At-risk children
education-based daycare, complete
In many of the impoverished regions Holt serves, edu-
with nutritious snacks and meals.
cation is a child’s best hope of escaping a life of poverty
With reliable childcare, parents are
and despair. But many families can’t afford the fees,
able to seek and maintain regular
textbooks and supplies children need to attend school.
employment — creating stronger,
Your Gift of Hope will help a child receive an education,
healthier families.
and a brighter future!
suggested Amount: $100 per child suggested Amount: $25 per child
14.
education for school-aged Girls in India Over half of all girls in India don’t finish primary school, most because they lack money for fees, books, uniforms and supplies. Help one girl in India achieve her goals — support one year of her education!
suggested Amount: $100 per student/per year
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l / fa l l 2013
15.
education for orphans in china The Nanning Educational Support project provides food and educational assistance for orphans living with their grandparents or other extended family in southern China. Often, extended family can barely afford to care for extra children in their home, much less pay for their education. Your Gift of Hope can help keep children in school, and with their families.
16
suggested Amount: $50 per student and family/per month
ar l u p o P gift
17.
life-saving food In recent years, the cost of food worldwide has risen sharply, putting many impoverished families at greater risk of malnutrition. Your gift can provide basic grains, vitamin and mineral-enriched biscuits, infant formula, powdered milk and other nutritional supplies, helping families and children in Holt’s care to weather this growing food crisis.
16.
urgently needed Infant diapers, clothing and personal Items for new children in care
suggested Amount: $35 per family
Most children in Holt’s care own little more than the potential within them. Your gift will deliver basic necessities to one new child in care for one month — necessities like brand new clothing, diapers, blankets and other personal care items.
suggested Amount: $50 per child
18.
shinshicho hospital construction In 2009, Holt upgraded a small clinic in Ethiopia, tripling the number of people who receive treatment every year — most of them children. The clinic, however, remained ill-equipped to provide more advanced treatment, such as surgery. To meet the needs of this community, Holt committed to funding the construction of a full maternal-child hospital. Once complete, the Shinshicho Mother and Child Health Center will provide acute, quality care for a region of 250,000 people, saving the lives of many who would never otherwise receive treatment.
suggested Amount: $1,500
19.
help children with special needs in china
20.
special needs Adoption fund (snAf)
Many orphaned, abandoned and
Every Child Deserves a Family: Special
vulnerable children in China have
Needs Adoption Fund (SNAF). Hundreds
correctable or treatable physical
of children with special medical
conditions. Children with special
conditions, older children and sibling
needs often require more involved
groups wait for a forever family. Today,
care for them to reach their full
one in five children in our care has a
potential, including more frequent
special need. SNAF grants offset the
physical exams, therapies and
cost of adoption, and also help families
treatments. Your Gift of Hope can
pay for any medical care the child may
help a child with special needs
need. This is often a critical factor in a
receive the specialized care he or
family's ability to adopt, meaning your
she needs to thrive!
Gift of Hope will help give children the loving, permanent families they need.
suggested Amount: $150 per child
suggested Amount: $60
Wh ere mos need t ed 21.
support for single mothers In the Philippines and Thailand, single women who bepartners help provide women with a safe and support-
where most needed Immediate Impact
ive environment to carry their babies to term. Your
Help where it's needed most!
Gift of Hope will provide expectant mothers with food,
Your Gift of Hope helps us
shelter, counseling, medical assistance and vocational
immediately address specific,
training. By supporting new or expectant mothers, you
vital needs of children and
will help provide a bright and loving future for their
families — needs that might
babies.
otherwise go unmet.
suggested Amount: $150 per mother and child
Any amount makes a difference
come pregnant often suffer from discrimination. Holt’s
22.
from the field like an extended family
Holt's long-time partner in Thailand helps single mothers succeed for their children.
TOP: When Prim attends school, her mother lovingly cares for Bell. CENTER: Today, Bell is a lively and healthy toddler. BOTTOM: Prim deposits funds monthly into a savings account designated for Bell.
When you bring your first child home — whether from the hospital or through adoption — your whole world changes. Life before baby quickly becomes a distant memory. At once, your world is flooded with a love you never knew was possible, as well as fears you never knew existed. Suddenly, you have so many questions you never had to ask before. Is she getting enough to eat? How will I know if he needs something? What if I mess it all up? The newness of it all can prove overwhelming and exhausting. Enter grandparents. Always around to answer questions or just offer a listening ear, your parents know just how to help. They’ve been there, after all. And when imperfect circumstances find a new parent raising a child on his or her own, one can only hope that a helpful grandparent, or equivalent support system, will be there to support the needs of the frightened parent and fragile baby. But in countries like Thailand, where a stigma against unwed mothers endures, single mothers rarely receive support from their families. Out of shame and fear, many choose to relinquish their babies into institutionalized care. When *Prim, a university student in Thailand, became pregnant at the age of 20, the baby’s father abandoned her. Terrified, Prim kept her pregnancy hidden from her family for as long as she could. When Prim gave birth to little *Bell, Prim’s mother, *Ning, insisted that she relinquish Bell to an orphanage to avoid scandal and disgrace. At the urging of a relative, Prim instead looked into the range of services provided by Holt’s longtime partner in Thailand, Holt Sahathai Foundation (HSF). Founded on the belief that every child deserves to grow up in a permanent, loving family, HSF is a prominent provider of child welfare services. Over the years, HSF services have expanded to include counseling, financial assistance, vocational training, educational sponsorship and income-generating projects. To assist unwed mothers like Prim, HSF
also provides shelter, health and postnatal care, as well as counseling to help them cope with discrimination, and ultimately make an informed decision about whether to relinquish their child. Through HSF intervention, Prim made the decision to keep Bell, and Ning agreed to assist in raising her grandchild after she received counseling and training. “Ning loves Bell very much,” says an HSF social worker. HSF offered Prim financial help to finish her education, and while Prim attends school, Ning looks after her granddaughter. Both Ning and Prim also receive financial management counseling. Today, precious Bell thrives in her mother and grandmother’s care. “She is a lively and healthy girl,” says a social worker. Ning received the tools she needed to assist her daughter in raising her grandchild, and Prim no longer feels shame about being a single parent. To date, about 80 percent of the single mothers who receive HSF support eventually decide to keep their baby. When Prim felt hopeless and alone, HSF came through for her, acting, in a way, like a special surrogate family. Now, not only does Prim have her mother’s support, she also has the entire HSF community there to encourage her. Like many new moms before her, HSF helped Prim cope with the dramatic, wonderful change that is parenthood.
Ashli Keyser | Staff Writer *names changed
Gift s of HOP E
Give hope to single mothers in the Philippines and Thailand this Christmas! See item #21 in our Gifts of Hope catalog
from the family the language of
love
Older brothers Lucas and Eli faced many challenges coming home — from learning a new language, to blending with their new siblings, to finding their individual places within their new family. But no matter the difficulties, they soon discover that in this family, they will forever belong.
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l / fa l l 2013
In November 2009, we brought our sons home from the Philippines. At the time, Lucas and Eli were 8 and 9 years old and had spent five years in an orphanage. Their adoptions were considered unique in that they are biological siblings and were older at the time of their adoption. Our family make-up was also somewhat different for a newly adopting family. At the time we adopted, we had been married for 30 years and had daughters who were 24, 19 and 16 years old. Starting into the process of bringing Lucas and Eli home, we quickly foresaw that we’d need to be on a steep learning curve in relation to a multitude of issues that we’d never experienced or heard about. We learned that the boys did not speak English but spoke a combination of Tagalog, Visayan and Chavacano. We were told that because of the mix of the three languages, people in the Philippines had difficulty understanding their unique dialect. Clearly, we had a communication obstacle to overcome. This was partly met when the boys were transferred from their orphanage on the island of Mindanao to foster care in Manila, where they stayed while waiting to join our family. The boys spent four months in Manila, where they attended a school that utilized both Tagalog and English.
20
While they began learning basic English, we learned some basic words and phrases in Tagalog. Once we arrived in Manila and for three months after arriving home, we used a combination of English, Tagalog and sign language to communicate. We mistakenly assumed that Lucas and Eli would retain their native language because they would be able to speak with one another. This was not their experience. Within six weeks of arriving home, they were communicating primarily in English and sign language. When consulting a professional in English Language Learning, we
LEFT FROM TOP TO BOTTOM: Lucas and Eli while still in care, at ages 7 and 6. From left: Eli, 10, and Lucas, 11, in fall 2010 — a year after coming home. Lucas and Eli with their older sisters. From left: Sydney, 20, Alison, 27, and Rachel, 22. Bottom from left: Lucas, 13, Eli, 12. RIGHT: Participating in sports has helped the boys learn English and develop stronger social skills. From left: Lucas, 13, and Eli, 12.
After the initial honeymoon period, it became apparent that for each boy to understand his need to become an individual, it would take a concerted effort on our part to separate them with activities. This has allowed them to develop appropriate social skills and find their individual places in our family, without resorting to institutional coping methods or relying solely on one another for their needs. Separate classrooms, sports teams and circles of friends have helped the boys develop their individual identities. Ultimately, they discovered that they did not have to enjoy the same things and have begun exploring their own interests independent of one another. In the process, Lucas discovered that we were his family even when he wasn’t working overtime to be compliant. Eli learned not to shut down and turn away when he would misstep and have consequences. He, too, had to learn his family would be there even when things weren’t always pleasant. There have been many challenges and triumphs these past four years. Lucas and Eli attend public school and have loved the interaction with peers from the first day they walked through the doors, two weeks after coming home. Interacting with peers and participating in sports has helped them progress in learning language and social skills at a much faster rate than we had initially anticipated. Our entire family has grown in ways that we would never have imagined. I asked Alison for her input for this article. “Mom,” she said, “Honestly, I can’t imagine our lives without the boys.” When you ask Lucas what adoption means to him, he maintains the same response he had the first time we raised the subject. “It means I have a family and they have me,” he says “I belong forever.” Eli grins and responds, “It means you get to be my parents. You’re lucky!” Did I mention he’s quite the comedian?
mike and lori pickle | Logan, Iowa *Introducing an adopted sibling into your family? Help prep your kids at home by viewing Holt's webinar series Sisters and Brothers in Adoption. Go to: www.holtinternational.org/webinars/
21
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l .or g
found out that this was normal. Inundated with a new language, the boys were building pathways within their brains to accommodate English — leaving their native languages unused and, eventually, lost. Listening to them speak while playing gave us great insight into how they were making accommodations to their new environment. They would play in English, and when they weren’t able to come up with the correct word, they would ask the other for the word using Tagalog. Eventually, the Tagalog phased out completely. There was a period of time we called “the silent period,” in which they no longer used Tagalog, but had not yet developed enough English to fill the gap. This period lasted about two weeks. While working to communicate with Lucas and Eli, we also faced the challenge of blending our family into a new definition. Our three daughters had three varying concerns. Alison, then 24, was concerned about the new dynamics within our family. While my husband and I read adoption books and attended seminars, we couldn’t locate available information to aid the siblings on the home front.* Now at age 27, Alison is her brothers’ biggest supporter, but will also attest to the need for more up-front information on adoption dynamics for the sibling group, both new and established. Added stress, financial strain and potential behaviors that could impact the family were but a few of her areas of concern. Rachel was then 19 and an out-of-state college freshman whose top concern was how she would establish a sibling relationship with Lucas and Eli while not living close to home. She put in a lot of extra time driving home on long weekends, as well as calling and using Skype to help all three of them connect. Currently, Rachel is student teaching and living at home. She now gets to experience her rambunctious teenage brothers on a daily basis. Sydney, then 16, was our daughter most directly affected by the arrival of two new brothers. She traveled to Manila when we went to bring the boys home and is the only sister to have a glimpse of their birth country and culture. Living through the daily struggles with them has afforded her a deeper understanding of her brothers. She observed their struggles with homework, their frustrations with English, and the physical exhaustion that came with being absorbed into a previously unknown environment and family. During the first year after arriving home, Lucas and Eli would often approach Sydney for answers to many issues, giving her further insight into their concerns. They would often take their social cues from Sydney. Even at the age of 20 and in college, Sydney is frequently checked on and consulted by her brothers. We knew going into the adoption that Lucas and Eli were a solid unit and very dependent on one another for their daily needs. Lucas was a people pleaser who would ingratiate himself with adults to receive favorable treatment. Eli was not. He was described as independent, uncooperative and difficult. How this would play a part in building relationships would not come to be known until we were home for several months.
adoptees today
meeting
birth family
my
Before traveling on Holt’s heritage tour of Korea, adoptee Natalie Anderson initiated a search for her birth family. Five months later, she reunites with a family who has long awaited meeting her.
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l / fa l l 2013
T
HIS STORY IS ABOUT A MEETING that I never planned, but one that my birth family had been waiting for a long time. Some assume that meeting your birth family is about getting closure. For me, it was an opening not only to my past, but also to a different and happier future. In the summer of 1988, I took my first transcontinental flight to meet the family that would lovingly name me “Natalie.” Growing up, my parents were very open about my adoption and told me everything that they knew. I didn’t feel an overwhelming need to know my birth family or the circumstances of my adoption. The reason for this, I have found to be two-fold. First, I was completely satisfied, thankful and blessed to live in the family I was placed with. The second reason I didn’t discover until my twenties, when I realized I was avoiding potential pain that could come along with asking questions about my birth family. In high school, my mom began asking me if I wanted to go on a Holt heritage tour of Korea. I kept coming up with excuses of why we should wait until the next year. But after finishing graduate school, I had no more excuses. I was at a point in my life where I no longer wanted to avoid, and felt ready to find out more about where I came from. So we planned to go on Holt’s 2012 heritage tour. Little did I know that making this decision — especially at that particular time — would forever change my life. While filling out the birth family search paperwork, I can distinctly remember thinking that nothing would come of placing my name on the adoptee registry. Then, six weeks prior to the tour, I
22
received an email. Holt Korea had been in contact with my birth mother and father, and I had a sister who lived in the States. They all wanted to meet me. Wait… What?! My husband had to brace me as I cried tears full of alien emotions. Questions that had never come up reeled through my head, especially about my sister. Was she a full sister? Was she older or younger? Was she adopted too and that’s why she lived in the States? I had an intuition that she was a full sister, and I was so anxious to meet her. All I could do during the wait was try to process how I felt and pray that the meeting would go well, bringing everyone peace and joy. The day before the meeting, I visited the Holt Korea office to look at my file. They gave me a folder with letters from my birth mother, father and sister, each with pictures of their families. Overwhelmed with emotion, I took them to my room and carefully read through each letter and looked at the pictures. I saw my sister for the first time and noticed that we looked so much alike. She was an older full sister, just like I had thought. We had spent the first two years of my life together. My sister had spent her childhood with our birth father, and high school and college years in Japan with our birth mother. For the first time, I saw someone who looked just like me. Also, I saw resemblances in my birth parents and half-siblings. It was so emotional and miraculous that I would actually meet these people. The next morning, I was so nervous that I was pacing the hotel before it was time to go to the meeting place. When I arrived, they were all waiting in one room. I walked in by myself. Immediately, they all gathered around me, crying and hugging me. It felt weirdly like a reunion — like we had all been together at one time and now, 24 years later, we were together again. After the initial and very emotional introduction, we sat down and my sister, who speaks English, translated for us. So many things to say and ask. My parents then came in and met everyone, and my birth mother and father could not stop thanking them for taking care of me and loving me. The next day, I got to meet my three half-brothers and we all spent time getting to know each other. It turned out that my sister and her family lived in San Francisco, only six hours away from us in Los Angeles! After making plans to go visit her and meet her children and her husband, I discovered that my birth mother already had plans to visit them in the U.S. for a month. This gave me more time to get to know my sister and birth mother, and to ask a lot of questions that I still had.
It was wonderful to meet my birth family and learn about the circumstances of my adoption, but this also opened a lot of other feelings that I am still processing. No matter what, I know that God’s hand was in all of this. There were too many ways that the trip and timing worked out perfectly. It was my sister who re-established my family’s contact information in the Korean adoption registry. Just two months before I decided to go on the trip and search for them, my sister also wrote a letter to me — a letter I could only read if I decided to open my file in Korea. She was in the U.S. and
"My husband had to brace me as I cried tears full of alien emotions. Questions that had never come up reeled through my head, especially about my sister. Was she a full sister? Was she older or younger? Was she adopted too and that’s why she lived in the States?"
had recently moved to California just a few years after I had moved there. Now, I see "Unni" — Korean for “older sister” — about once every couple months. It feels like we have always been sisters. She calls me “JiEun,” my Korean name, because that is what she has always known me as and it feels right. I also keep in contact with my birth mother and father through video chat. I was concerned about my parents and brother and how they felt about me meeting my birth family. However, I am now more confident than ever that the people that love you and raise you are indeed your true family. I expressed this to them when I came home, and I feel like this experience has brought us closer together. I am so thankful to Holt International and Holt Korea for helping to make this meeting possible. Every adoptee has a unique story and I am so blessed to have been a part of the amazing story that Harry and Bertha Holt began over 60 years ago.
by natalie Anderson | Rogers, Arkansas LEFT: Natalie with her birth mother and sister in San Francisco. FAR LEFT: Natalie with her birth family in Seoul, Korea. From left: Natalie’s birth father, birth sister, birth mom with her son, and Natalie. BELOW FROM LEFT: Natalie on the Holt heritage tour with her parents, Paul and Luann • Natalie and her family at her brother’s wedding last December • Natalie with her birth sister in San Francisco
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l .or g
23
post adoption
bringer of Joy
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l / fa l l 2013
While the Marran family teaches their daughter Anandi about appropriate boundaries, she teaches them about unbridled joy. Today I ran across a photo of my daughter, Anandi, taken before she was my daughter. Dark curls framed her chocolate complexion and sparkling eyes. Instantly, I felt transported back to the time when we were preparing to welcome a new child into our family — a three-year-old foundling from half a world away.
old and taught me a thing or two about loving the stranger in your midst. Thirty-three years later, she was my guide and companion on this adoption journey. It felt like coming full circle to be welcoming an unknown child into my family, much as she had done for me so many years before.
It’s commonplace to hear adoptive families say it was “love at first sight” when they first saw a photo of the child they would adopt. That wasn’t the case for me. I thought this tiny girl from southern India was cute, to be sure, as did my husband. But a cute stranger, one whom I definitely didn’t feel “in love” with. As with an arranged marriage, love would have the opportunity to grow with the relationship. But it wasn’t guaranteed…for her or for us.
During the next ten days together in Bangalore and Delhi, Anandi accepted both me and my foster mother, seemingly without qualms. Except for nightly sleep disturbances that suggested separation trauma, she seemed to take it completely for granted that she suddenly had a new mother and grandmother. While it made for a shockingly smooth transition, I felt uneasy at her equanimity. If losing the only family she’s ever known doesn’t seem unsettling to her, how will OUR family ever matter to her? Of all the things I worried and prayed about during our adoption, experiencing overt rejection from our adopted child topped my list. With her instant acceptance, it seemed that God answered my prayers with utmost clarity. It never occurred to me that I would adopt a child who accepted me too readily!
The first time I met Anandi — whose name means “bringer of joy” in Hindi — she was astride a white plastic horse that she had wheeled to the doorway of the therapy room at Vathsalya Charitable Trust (VCT), a care center in Bangalore and one of Holt’s legacy partners in India. She was tinier than I had envisioned; 25 pounds and not yet three feet tall at age three and a half, she seemed more toddler than preschooler. She soon showed herself to be a charming extravert, first posing for the camera, then commandeering it. With Anandi were three of the women who had cared for and loved her for the past two-and-a-half years. Her foster mother, sister and aunt sat on the floor alongside me and my own foster mother, a remarkable woman who had brought me into her home as a 16-year-
24
Anandi’s easy transition seemed, at times, too good to be true — especially when she exhibited wildly enthusiastic affection for the man in line behind me at the bank, and every other person at the grocery store. She climbed into strangers’ laps at Starbucks, and gestured to be picked up by every parent at dance class. I began to feel like an “auntie,” as they referred to caretakers at VCT. Perhaps a favorite auntie, but nevertheless interchangeable with the numerous other “aunties” — and “uncles” — she encountered.
ABOVE FROM LEFT: Anandi with her father, David, mother, Maire, and sister, Aubrey • Anandi in her favorite pink cowboy boots • A recent photo of Anandi playing in a fountain in downtown Lewiston • Maire first meeting Anandi in India • Anandi with her sister, Aubrey
“Indiscriminate affection” is the term used to describe the behavior of children who lovingly interact with others with no regard to the level of relationship. It’s a survival mechanism that results from not having developed a permanent attachment to a caregiver. I knew that it was common in adopted children. I just didn’t know what it was going to feel like to parent a child who exhibited it so frequently. To quell my discomfort when she’d greet strangers a little too eagerly, I’d gently pull her away and joke that she’s practicing to be an ambassador when she grows up. I certainly wasn’t going to complain about having the world’s friendliest child!
“Anandi’s easy transition seemed, at times, too good to be true — especially when she exhibited wildly enthusiastic affection for the man in line behind me at the bank, and every other person at the grocery store.”
Anandi has a language impairment that makes it difficult to explain to her that giving hugs and climbing into laps are only for family and friends. To teach appropriate boundaries, I have primarily relied on physical intervention and redirection. However, when she recently startled the pet store employee who was netting a guppy from the tank for us by suddenly thrusting her hand deep into his front pocket, I knew it was still very much a work in progress. While Anandi still frequently goes right up to strangers, I am relieved that she seems to be developing a real attachment to us as her mama and papa. I feel a thrill course through me on the rare occasions when she clings to my leg and peeks out at someone she’s just met. And I was actually happy when, after a rare date night out, our babysitter reported that she cried for Mama and Papa at bedtime. Since our arrival home on Thanksgiving Day two years ago, Anandi has taught me that it’s the simple moments — or rather, opportunities — that I need to be mindful of. While I teach her about appropriate boundaries, she teaches me about unbridled joy and enthusiasm. I make a conscious effort to do little things that nourish the concept that she is my daughter and I am her mama: feeding her by hand, playing “baby” and other reciprocal connecting games, saying “Hold Mama’s hand” instead of just “Hold my hand.” And although I can’t guarantee that our family will ever matter to her in the way I hope it will, I can make an effort to make this moment matter to her — and to me.
by maire marran | Lewiston, Idaho 25
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l .or g
Child psychologists will often describe indiscriminate affection as an attempt by the child to manipulate or control the emotional responses of the adults around them. I dislike the negative connotation of that terminology, however, as the child is most likely not conscious of his or her behavior. According to The St. Petersburg-USA Orphanage Research Team, a collaboration between the University of Pittsburgh and St. Petersburg State University in Russia, “The early experiences children have in orphanages often produce deficits in executive functioning skills (things like planning, organization, decision-making, inhibiting responses, etc). It's quite possible that this superficial social ‘charm’ that children show is actually showing their inability to inhibit social responses around strangers.”
This rang true: Anandi could seemingly not stop herself from flinging herself into strangers’ arms!
updates
Post Office Box 2880 Eugene, OR 97402
2013 holt Graduates
Change Ser vice Reques ted In the Sept/Oct 2013 issue of Holt International Magazine, we celebrated Holt adoptees who recently graduated from high school or college. We have three more updates to share with you. Brenda Osler of Rochester, Minnesota recently graduated with a bachelor’s degree in management, with an emphasis in human resources, from St. Cloud State University. During her time at St. Cloud State, she was involved in Delta Zeta and University Program Board. She plans to pursue a career in human resource recruiting. Brenda was adopted from Guatemala. Earlier this year, Jacob Vedral graduated from high school in Egg Harbor City, New Jersey. In high school, Jacob participated in varsity baseball, achieved the rank of Eagle Scout at the age of 15, and graduated as a member of the National Honor Society. He plans to study business management at Rutgers University and would one day like to open a small business. Jacob was adopted from South Korea. Michael Evanowski of Beachwood, New Jersey recently graduated from high school and plans to study math at Rutgers University. In high school, Michael was involved with marching band, concert band, jazz band, track, crosscountry and Tri-M Music Honor Society. He was awarded the Louis Armstrong Jazz Award, TREA scholarship, and the Toms River High School South Indian Bandwagon scholarship. Michael was adopted from South Korea.
philippines Ambassador trip Two years ago, Holt led our first ambassador trip to the Philippines to advocate for older children living in orphanage care. During a week full of fun activities, eight Holt ambassadors got to know 11 older children — their likes and dislikes, their challenges and strengths, and what makes them special. Once home, the ambassadors began advocating for the children’s adoptions. This program has proven so successful in helping older children find families that over the past two years, Holt has led two more ambassador trips to the Philippines! The most recent group of ambassadors returned just last month, ready to find families for the boys and girls they met. To learn more about the program and this year’s special group of children, contact Jessica Palmer at jessicap@holtinternational.org or visit us online at www.holtinternational. org/philippines.
national Adoption month We at Holt love the month of November, when families, organizations and public figures rally together to support a cause dear to our hearts — finding families for orphaned and abandoned children. This National Adoption Month, help raise awareness about children who need families! Share stories of waiting children you read about on the Holt blog. Donate to the Special Needs Adoption Fund, featured on page 18. Encourage others to consider adoption by sharing your own story, or if you’re considering adoption — what a wonderful month to begin your journey!
od o h r o b h g i ne calendar oregon
california
in U— 14, Camp Rock July 27-31, 20 year s old
Georgia
h olt I nt e r n at i on a l / fa l l 2013
14, Calvin July 20 -24, 20 year s old
nebraska
Center—Holt
, Omah March 29, 2014 . m p. La Vista, 5:30
a— Gala Dinn
y new Jerse 14, Ca August 3-8, 20 year s old
26
Holt Adop
adoptees 9-16 tee Camp for
Adoptee Cam
er & Auct
p fo
16 r adoptees 9-
Suites, ion, Embassy
—Holt Ad mp Louemma
optee Camp fo
16 r adoptees 9-
April 12, 2014
, Eugene —
lo 14, Camp Ange July 13-17, 20 year s old
wisconsin , Ca July 6-10, 2014 year s old
5:30 p.m. lley River Inn, es 9-16 mp for adopte lt Adoptee Ca
Auction, Va Gala Dinner & s— Ho
Holt Adop mp Lakotah—
fo Get the In
tee Camp for
adoptees 9-16
ac t: rmation, cont ily Picnic info m Fa d an p m rg tee Ca ternational.o For Holt Adop pamec@holtin Pame Chow at ntac t: formation, co @holtinternational.org For Events in w na on ntac t: sh at formation, co Shonna Wells optee Tour in Ad t ul Ad d ge an For Holt Herita for China tour s: Sara Higgins nal.org holtinternatio sarahiggins@ Korea tour s: Paul Kim for rg ternational.o in lt ho paulk@ optee tour s: ad t ul on for ad Meghan Nels l.org na ltinternatio meghann@ho nt co ac t: information, onal.org For Vision Trip rt y at sallyd@holtinernati he ug Sally Do
w a it ing c h il d re n Shaun
Born: 04.07.2007, China
these and other children need adoptive families
Gregarious and clever, Shau n entered foster care as a newborn. Develop mentally, he is on track. Shaun enjoys bike riding and skateboarding. He helps his foste r mother with household chores and enjo ys bedtime stor ies. He likes to sing children’s songs and tell stor ies. Shaun is affectionate to his foster mother and is well liked by his teacher and kindergarten classmates. Shaun needs a family prepared for an older child adoption, with access to the resource s he may need as he continues to grow and thrive.
Shaun
Scott
Born: 08.05.2000, S.E. Asia
Scott is described as very sma rt, kind, generous, observant and crea tive. He entered a child care center in 2002, and then a foster home in 2003. Scot t is in good health and his development is on target. He enjoys running, climbing, playing soccer, riding his bicycle and draw ing cartoon characters. Scott is doing well in the seventh grade. He reads well, writ es short stories and knows some English words. Scott enjoys playing folk music with his school band and would love to be an animator or music composer one day. He also gets along well with friends. He has received counseling on intercountry adoption and he says he would love to have a family adop t him. He needs a family who understand s the behavioral impact of grief and loss. Experience parenting past his age and with adoption is also preferred. *scott has an $8,0 00 special blessings grant from holt for this adoption and holt fees have also been redu ced.
Scott
Anderson
Andy
Anderson
Born: 10.23.2008, Africa
Anderson is a handsome little boy who likes to play outdoor games and sports. Although Anderson tested positive for Hepatitis B, he is in otherwise good physical and mental health. Anderso n is a very happy, healthy and active boy. He is highly sociable. He has a good sense of humor and strong imagination. He has a good relationship with his caretakers and show s concern for small children. Anderson is in need of a family who understands the imp act of grief and loss on development, emotion al regulation, transition and academic lear ning. An ideal family will have access to any medical care he may need and should also have a plan on how to communicate effectively with Anderson during the tran sition. holtinternational.org/blog/2013/09/a-typical-5-y ear-old-inevery-way-but-one-anderson-needs-a-family/
Andy
Born: 02.28.2012, N.E. Asia
Andy is a sweet little boy who was born premature at 36 weeks. He has been receiving physical therapy to help him overcome some developmental delays. He is able to pull himself to a stand and walk holding onto furniture. He is also able to say six words, wave bye-bye, drink from a cup and scribble with a crayon. His foste r parents report that he is a very popular child, and all of the neighbors enjoy spen ding time with him and holding him. He has met with an endocrinologist, and has had a few tests to try and determin e the cause of his short stature and poor weight gain. Andy is in need of a family who is open to some unknowns and can prov ide him with any medical care or therapies that he may need.
Fo r mo re inf orm ati on on ad op tin g the se an d oth er waitin g chi ldr en, con tac t Erin An de rso n at erina @h olt intern ati on al.org ww w. ho lti nt er na tio na l.o rg /w ait in gch ild /p ho to lis tin g
Post Office Box 2880 Eugene, OR 97402
Change Ser vice Reques ted
Korea
adopt from
Many children in Korea are waiting, right now, for a LOVING family.
holt urgently needs families for… • Mostly boys, ages 18-24 months at placement who have some minor, correctable health issues • All children live in foster or family-like care
For more information: holtinternational.org/korea 888-355-HOLT