Spring Issue 2011

Spring 2011

STRENGTHENING

HANDS

AND HOMES

PARENTS IN ETHIOPIA SUCCESSFULLY MOVE FORWARD FOR THE HEALTH AND HAPPINESS OF THEIR CHILDREN

Orphaned, abandoned and vulnerable children around the world need food, shelter, clothing and medical treatment... essentials your sponsorship of $30 per month will help provide.

Choose a child to sponsor from Holt’s website: holtinternational.org/sponsorship or call 888.355.HOLT

in this issue 5 6

Annual Report

Spring 2011 vol. 53 no. 2

Summary and highlights of 2010

Our Vision Holt International is dedicated to carrying out God’s plan for every child to have a permanent, loving family.

To Give you Hope & a ­Future One hundred twenty families graduate from Holt’s family preservation program in Ethiopia

18

From the Family Families who adopted from China and Ethiopia (page 10) share their stories, and the Barnes family shares about adopting three older children from the Philippines.

25-27 Adoptees After surviving the streets of post-war Korea, Thomas Park Clement was adopted by a loving family. Today, he is honored around the world. Senior Writer Robin Munro shares his story.

A mother embraces her child outside the Shinshicho clinic in southern Ethiopia.

Since Holt’s arrival in 2008, the lives of t­ housands of c­ hildren and families in Ethiopia have been ­transformed through ­f amily preservation efforts and medical assistance.

Read more on page 6.

Dear Readers Holt’s philosophy has always been to put the needs of children first. In light of rising costs for just about everything, publishing an online version of the magazine — for the spring issue only —will better provide children coming into Holt’s care with the love and support they desperately need. This online issue represents a significant savings, and expands our ability to serve more children.

Flipping through the pages of this online version, you will notice that it’s a bit longer than our printed version. By providing a uniquely digital version, we can include 12 extra pages of family and adoptee stories, and inspiring ­information about our work in countries around the world. We’ve also highlighted some wonderful opportunities to build your family through adoption. Check out page 20, where a family who adopted older children from the Philippines shares about Holt’s Philippines Ambassador program. And Jason and Ryan McBride advise readers about the need for families to adopt from the China Child of Promise program.

We will continue to offer a digital version of our magazine and will also provide versions compatible with your favorite E-readers. Look for the next ­ printed issue of Holt International magazine to arrive in your mail in August. If you have any questions about this digital version or future digital publications, don’t hesitate to contact me at: brianc@holtinternational.org

Brian Campbell |

Creative Services Director

In 1955 Harry and Bertha Holt responded to the conviction that God had called them to help children left homeless by the Korean War. Though it took an act of the U.S. Congress, the Holts adopted eight of those children. But they were moved by the desperate plight of other orphaned children in Korea and other countries as well, so they founded Holt International Children’s Services in order to unite homeless children with families who would love them as their own. Today Holt International serves children and families in Bulgaria, Cambodia, China, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea), Ethiopia, Guatemala, Haiti, India, Nepal, the Philippines, the Republic of Korea (South Korea), Romania, Thailand, Uganda, Ukraine, the United States and Vietnam.

President Kim S. Brown Senior Vice-President Phillip A. Littleton Vice-President of Policy & External Affairs Susan Soon-keum Cox Vice-President of International Programs Dan Lauer Vice-President of Finance & Administration Kevin Sweeney Vice-President of Adoption Services Lisa Vertulfo Senior Advisor David Lim Senior Executive Jian Chen Holt International magazine is published quarterly

by Holt International Children’s Services, Inc., a nonprofit, Christian, child welfare organization.

While Holt International is responsible for the content of Holt International magazine, the viewpoints expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the organization.

Creative Services Director Brian Campbell Managing Editor Ashli Keyser Senior Writer Robin Munro Graphics Chloe Goldbloom Subscription Orders/Inquiries and Address Changes Send all editorial correspondence and changes of address to Holt International magazine, Holt International, P.O. Box 2880, Eugene, OR 97402. We ask for an annual donation of $20 to cover the cost of publication and mailing inside the United States and $40 outside the United States. Holt welcomes the contribution of letters and articles for publication, but assumes no responsibility for return of letters, manuscripts or photos.

Reprint Information Permission from Holt International is required prior to reprinting any portion of Holt International magazine. Please direct reprint requests to editor Ashli Keyser at 541/687.2202 or ashlik@holtinternational.org.

Copyright ©2011 by Holt International Children’s Services, Inc. ISSN 1047-7640

P.O. Box 2880 (1195 City View) Eugene, OR 97402 Ph: 541/687.2202 Fax: 541/683.6175

directions To See Every Child in a Loving Family A year in review

During a recent trip to Ethiopia, I was overcome with ­g ratitude

Last year we increased support for Haiti, helping children and

to see the work Holt is doing in this beautiful, but desolate,

families recover from a devastating earthquake.

country and the God-given opportunity we have to bring hope

health care to people in Shinshicho, Ethiopia. We continued to

to children and families. A conversation with one such family

support children in foster families throughout the world until

touched me greatly. Two years ago, Ejamo and his family were

they went home to families. In the future, Holt hopes to do even

in a desperate state. Through life-changing resources given by

more for children. Our goal: to see every child in a strong, stable

Holt and Ejamo’s great courage, his family began to thrive. “Holt

and loving family.

helped me provide for my children,” Ejamo told me. “I never want to forget what Holt did for my family.” For me, this powerful moment says it all.

We brought

Our 2010 annual report reflects Holt’s achievements and finances. Each statistic represents the life of a child whose life has been changed, or a family brought back from the brink

The work we are doing in Ethiopia is a wonderful example of Holt’s dedication to children all over the world. Holt not only finds families for children, but we work to keep birth families together by providing the support parents need to give their children a safe home environment.

of despair and poverty.

All this inspiring work is possible because of the support from you, our extended “Holt family.” You are helping to encourage and provide for children and families through some of the most critical times in their lives. For this, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Blessings,

Kim S. Brown |

President & CEO

What a difference a year makes. In 2009, Ejamo’s family didn’t have enough food to eat. Their eldest daughter, Tirunesh, had to work in the city as a servant and their 8-yearold son went blind due to vitamin deficiency.

Today, with help from Holt International’s family preservation program, the family is thriving, Tirunesh has returned home and the children are in school receiving support through Holt’s sponsorship program. You can read more about Holt’s family preservation program in the feature on page 6.

CHILDRENAND FAMILIES SERVED

Last year, 749 children in Holt’s care were placed with loving adoptive families in the

2010 ANNUALREPORT

CHANGINGCHILDREN’S LIVESFOREVER

United States.

Holt meets the needs of children around the world in a diversity of ways, not ­adoption only. In 2010, Holt served ­ 36, 972 children through all Holt programs.

Holt helps families stay ­together whenever possible.

Through family preservation and family ­reunification efforts, 3,671 c­ hildren remained with their families or were ­reunited with their birth ­families in 2010.

Holt strives to keep children in their birth countries. Last year, 739 children were placed with families through domestic adoption (not including U.S. domestic placements).

Children who are older, have medical conditions, or are part of a sibling group often wait longer to be adopted.

169 of these Waiting Children were placed with adoptive families in 2010.

Since Holt’s beginning, over 55

years ago, 40,758 children have been placed by Holt with adoptive families in the United States.

2010OPERATING

EXPENSES Program Services 74.6% Fundraising 16% Management & General 9.4%

To see the full Annual Report go to: ­holtinternational.org/annualreport

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l / S pr i ng 2011

TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A

6

LEFT:

FUTURE ­

Dan Lauer, vice president of ­international programs, stands with children in southern Ethiopia. The children’s parents are being helped through Holt’s family preservation program.  A man proudly shows off his diploma.

Jeremiah 29:11 Two months ago, 120 families stood and graduated from Holt’s family preservation program in southern Ethiopia. ­Support in the form of ongoing counseling and the ­expansion of a health care clinic in ­Shinshicho will supply these and

future graduates with the tools they need to remain successful and move forward for the health and happiness of their children COMMENCEMENT…

No pomp and circumstance. No blue caps, adorned with gold tassels, simultaneously thrown in the air. In a simple room, during a plain and unassuming ceremony, 120 families walked across a small stage and graciously received their diplomas.

The families have not received letters of acceptance to prestigious universities. Their accomplishments will not yield offers from top-paying employers. Instead, these families will wake up every day with enough money to survive, enough food to feed their children, and a tremendous sense of achievement. They did it. They made it to graduation day. Not a graduation from high school to college, or college to the working world. On a sunny day in Ethiopia, 120 families — from five southern communities — graduated from a place of despair and hardship to a place of redemption and hope.

“It was really quite moving to see,” says Dan Lauer, Holt’s vice president of programs, who was in Ethiopia this past February to witness the first of 360 families graduate from Holt’s family preservation program. “Some family members were blind or had other disabilities,” continues Dan. “All of them have had difficult lives on so many levels, but every one of them made it across that stage. They were just thrilled to receive their diplomas.”

When Holt submitted the family preservation project proposal three years ago, we had high hopes. We never imagined, though, the incredible impact this program would have on families and the amount of support we would receive from the community at large. Today, one need only listen to the families’ stories — heartfelt testimonials offered on graduation day — to understand the magnitude of the program’s success.

Holt does not simply give handouts. We provide families at risk of losing their children with start-up supplies and assistance to get back on their feet. Local committees — known as action support groups — made up of tribal leaders, government representatives, village agri-

7

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l .or g

Since 2008, Holt has given 2,000 struggling household members — including 1,800 children —the tools they need to survive, and the means to create safe, stable homes for their children.

As Holt enters into the final year of the planned proposal, we continue to look for new ways to offer love and encouragement to struggling children and families.

cultural extension workers and church representatives, identify “the poorest of the poor” families in Ethiopia. The support groups study family situations, identify weaknesses and strengths, and propose intervention strategies that include income-generating activities, medical assistance and health and hygiene education. “This aspect has been the most creative approach to family preservation efforts,” says Dan. “The action support groups offer wonderful assistance. They really know the families’ needs and provide realistic services that will help bring about long-term solutions.”

In 2009, Anamo was in a state of extreme hopelessness.

Recently diagnosed with HIV, Anamo had also lost his wife months prior from complications due to the same condition. She left Anamo with three children — the youngest of whom was also HIV positive. “This father desperately needed help,” says Dan. “He was overwhelmed with his illness and overwhelmed with poverty.” Holt provided Anamo with chickens and start-up supplies. “It was impressive to see how much the community embraced him and his children.”

Giving livestock to impoverished families can make a world of difference. Chickens and cows create a wonderful resource for nutrients and a substantial means of income. “Anamo was very proud of his chickens,” says Dan. Donkeys provide transportation of goods from village to town, and farming can be exponentially improved with the help of oxen.

Holt provided Tariku — a single mother— with a supply of seeds and a cow. “It was the first time she had tasted milk in 12 years.

She was then doubly blessed when the cow ended up being pregnant,” Dan recounts, with a smile. The income generated from the selling

of milk — a major component of the Ethiopian diet, especially in rural areas — gave Tariku enough money to feed her children. No longer malnourished, the children returned to school happy and healthy. Offering more than financial growth and constancy, the family preservation program works to improve the overall confidence of families and emotional well-being of children.

LOOKING AHEAD....MATERNAL AND CHILD HEALTH CARE CLINIC Along with financial support, community leaders constructed eight health posts throughout family preservation neighborhoods that serve to push services like post-natal counseling and health education out to the communities.

Families requiring more involved medical assistance, like treatment for malaria, can receive care at the clinic in Shinshicho – renovated by Holt in 2009.

“It’s a big component,” says Dan. “Health services to this magnitude isn’t something that Holt has done in the past. On this trip, I really began to understand how integral the project is for the family preservation community and general population.” Dan says that prior to Holt’s arrival, no access to maternal and child health care existed in this area. “It’s very impressive,” he says.

Late last year, construction began to expand the existing clinic — taking the humble clinic and turning it into a fully functional regional medical and surgical center.

Trained construction workers took the lead on building the impressive structure but parents in the family preservation project — both men and women —also helped in the effort. “That’s very exciting to hear,” says Dan. “These struggling parents are not only making money to provide for their children, but they, at the same time, are constructing a building that could very well save their lives and the lives of their children someday.”

This work would not be possible without the help and encouragement from our dedicated employees serving on the ground, all who have made the family preservation project the success that

it is today. Dr. Fikru Geleso, Holt’s Ethiopia director, has shown tremendous leadership and diligently works to provide well-rounded support to each family in the program. Tesfaye Betachew, family preservation coordinator, came to Holt with a Master’s degree in community development; he also arrived with a servant’s heart and a great deal of passion for Holt’s work. “Tesfaye is the right guy, at the right time in the right place,” says Dan. “He works tirelessly and at great sacrifice….he’s a true hero.”

YOUR NEW BEGINNING…..

Building a Bright Future for Children….

Assistance provided through family preservation programs commonly serves as the only glue keeping a family together. The helpless children in family ­preservation, however, always need extra-special care and attention. For this reason, Holt’s child sponsorship program often goes hand-in-hand with ­family ­preservation efforts. To date, 907 children in family preservation have been ­enrolled in child sponsorship –a component that has led the community to offer innovative ideas and additional support to children and families.

sort of accomplishment,” says Dan. “It was a very special and exciting time for them.”

“The community saw that sponsored children, particularly the under-school-aged children, were not able to start their education due to lack of nursery schools in their surroundings,” says Tesfaye Betachew, Holt’s Ethiopia project coordinator.

And so — by the request of the community, local administration and church leaders — the decision was made to increase support and build a kindergarten in the Walana Kebele, a family preservation-supported neighborhood in southern Ethiopia.

The children who sat in the audience on this special day may not have understood the true importance of the ceremony. A piece of paper, to them, may not look like much. They probably don’t fully comprehend the extent of their parents’ sacrifice.

“The people saw the need for early education and Holt agreed with their plan,” says Dan. “By focusing on young children in the community, we really get to know the vulnerabilities these children are facing and support them based on these needs.”

What the children do know is that last year many of them were hungry, and now they are not. Last year they watched their parents weep in despair, but on that special day they witnessed tears of joy and never-ending smiles.

Dan was in Ethiopia during the inauguration ceremony. “It was an incredibly ­important day,” he says. “Not only will this building serve as a kindergarten, but it will also serve as a community center with adult literacy classes.”

In February, Dan Lauer, Dr. Fikru Geleso and Tesfaye Betachew were present to hand out diplomas to Anamo, Tariku and the rest of the graduating class. Many parents took to the stage and shared their success stories.

“These families had never been acknowledged for any

The children may not fully understand it now, but everything their parents have accomplished was achieved for the sake of them – their beloved children.

Holt does what we can to make families’ lives better, but it would mean nothing without the hard work and determination of the parents who want nothing more than to provide the best life possible for their children.

So, to the first families graduating from Holt’s family preservation program in Ethiopia, congratulations on a job well done.

Ashli Keyser | Managing Editor with Dan Lauer | Vice President of Int'l. Programs

ABOVE: A child stands outside of his home in southern Ethiopia.

Oftentimes, Holt will help rebuild dilapidated homes for struggling ­f amilies.  LEFT: Families come together for the inauguration of a ­much-needed kindergarten in a district in southern Ethiopia (see sidebar to the right)  Dan Lauer is photographed with Anamo and his youngest child.  Families, diplomas in hand, pose for a photo.  Family preservation families help to build an expansion of the Shinshicho clinic.

The local community will sustain the kindergarten with partial funding from Holt –one of many ways Holt will continue to provide life-changing services to the children of Ethiopia.

Life is Too Short Not to Serve

The adoption of Moses and the trip to Ethiopia to bring him home leads to a family’s desire to help ‘the least of these’ in Africa It was our anniversary. My husband, Alex, and I sat across from each other at a quiet, candlelit table, recounting the ­highlights of each of our 13 years of marriage. Our first year together, we dreamed of trekking across England and experiencing Capernwray (a bible school). The 4 following years saw long hours of study, jobs squeezed between classes and dreams of finishing our degrees. Just months before graduation, our dream of a family was realized—we had a son! The following year, Alex was officially employed and we held the keys to a home with 100 years of history. Another healthy son was born, and then 3 years later, with the help of Holt International, we were in Vietnam bringing home our lovely daughter.

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l / S pr i ng 2011

As Alex finished counting off the years, we looked at each other in surprise and wonder at what had been revealed. By God's grace, each of the hopes and dreams that we had brought to our marriage had been fulfilled: holding hands on a sun-kissed day in August, flowers in my hair, tears in his eyes. This was it. We had the lovely, picturesque life we had hoped for...and then, at the same time, it hit us...this was it?! We prayed to understand what it meant for us to follow Christ. We put the songs “Crazy Love” and “Radical” on the iPod and prayed some more. At that candlelit table, we started a conversation that nine months later would lead us to a care center in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

We knew on that day, just 16 months ago, that life was too short and the calling to love and live like Jesus was too real to do anything other than start the adoption process again. It was a short, wild ride…almost nine months exactly from that first conversation to holding Moses in our arms. And what a joy that sweet boy has brought to our family! His radiant smiles and wet kisses have been such a delight to us all, but it is Africa, too, that has changed us. Before our trip, we knew the statistics…but seeing the statistics was life-changing.

10

We knew that 30,000 children die every day of preventable diseases, but then we saw children sleeping on the street. We knew that there was one doctor for every 43,000 people in Ethiopia, but then we held the hands of a fistula patient and saw the effects of leprosy. We had heard that the surplus of food in America could feed the whole of Africa, but then we watched children drink from roadside puddles and looked into hungry eyes.

We are striving to live this life differently now, and the radiance of this brown-eyed toddler is a joyful reminder that life is too short to do anything other than serve the least of these. We are so thankful for our precious Moses — such a gift from God — and the beautiful country of Ethiopia that changed our hearts.

Interested in adopting from Ethiopia? Go to ­ www.holtinternational.org/ethiopia

Riann Schell |

Astoria, Oregon

ABOVE: Moses sharing a beautiful moment with his mom, Riann.

LEFT: Moses meets his dad, Alex.

Dear Holt Sponsors & Winter Jam Volunteers, We owe tremendous thanks to the more than 4,700 of you who volunteered your time and energy to sign up sponsors at Winter Jam concerts. As volunteers, you provided the vital link between children and sponsors – communicating Holt’s mission, and inspiring others to join the cause.

Your responses illustrate so well the enthusiasm and genuine compassion you brought to each concert. Many of you actually thanked us for the opportunity to volunteer!

“I just wanted to thank you for this incredible experience. My husband, John, and I loved the concert and the opportunity to give back to Holt and the children,” wrote Kathi May, who volunteered at Winter Jam in Lexington, KY. “Thank you to Holt and Winter Jam for an awesome evening of praise and excitement!

Being a Holt volunteer was a blast, and I'm looking forward to signing up again next year!” wrote Staci Singleton, Holt sponsor and DeKalb, Il volunteer.

“It was a joy!” wrote Jill Jones, who volunteered in Greensboro, NC. “It was especially nice to have 3 generations of our family working together for a common goal. We will always remember this experience. Thank you and God bless!”

“Near the end of the concert, I became tearfully overjoyed when it was announced that we had received over 490 sponsorships. … We now have four sponsored children. Three girls from Ethiopia and one boy from Haiti!” wrote Debbie Martin, Holt sponsor and Little Rock volunteer.

We feel so incredibly grateful to you. What a beautiful way to donate your time.

Thank you also to the thousands of new child sponsors who have stepped up to meet this critical need.

As sponsors, you are forever changing the lives of children. Some of you support children in Holt’s family preservation programs, enabling them to remain in the loving care of their own birth parents. Some of you provide for children awaiting adoption in temporary care centers or foster families. While still others support group homes for children who require long-term care – children who would otherwise spend their lives in an institution.

What an extraordinary commitment you have made.

Holt, for our part, commits to finding permanent solutions for the children you sponsor. Often, struggling families will make the very difficult decision to relinquish children they can’t support. Through microloans and other services, we help these families become stable and self-sufficient, enabling children in care – children you sponsor – to reunite with their birth parents. For other orphaned or abandoned children, rejoining their birth families is not possible or not the best solution. These children we strive to place in loving, adoptive homes.

We look forward to the day we get to tell you that your child has found a stable, permanent family – and introduce the next child who will receive food, clothing, shelter, medical attention and loving care because of your sponsorship commitment.

Imagine all the lives you can – and will – change.

We at Holt seek a world where every child has a loving and secure home.

With your help, we’re getting there. One child at a time.

With Sincerest Gratitude,

Holt International

updates Graduate Photos: Attention Holt Graduates: Deadline for photos of Holt adoptees who are graduating from high school and college is September 1st, 2011 for the fall issue of the magazine. For a graduate submission form, visit us at holtinternational.org/gradsubmissions. Or email Ashli Keyser at ashlik@holtinternational.org to receive a form. If you submit a graduate form online please confirm with Ashli that it was received.

Holt’s

Adoptee Camps:

2 011

Holt adoptee camp is an exciting and fun camp designed to be relevant to any international and transracial adoptee from 9-16 years of age by focusing on adoption, race and identity rather than birth culture. We invite you to take a few minutes and explore the camp pages of Holt’s website. On top of a great week of summer fun, you’ll find that Holt camp’s unique environment is unlike anything else. If you have any questions, please contact Steve Kalb at stevek@holtinternational.org

Holt Events: The upcoming New Jersey Gala and Dinner Auction on September 24th will raise money for Holt’s Special Needs Adoption program. “As an adoptive parent I have experienced the joy and blessing of adopting through Holt,” says Jackie Miller, the New Jersey Gala chairperson. “I also know that there are thousands of children who still do not have families and those of us on the auction committee are determined to do all we can to help those children. I hope you will join us for this wonderful evening of friends, fellowship and fun—all while making a difference in the life of a child!” Visit www. holtinternational.org/events for more information and to RSVP or contact Sandi Mehl at sandim@ holtinternational.org.

Picture Yourself Here!

2011 Holt Picnics Summer is on its way and that means Holt's annual picnics and adoptee camps will soon be in full swing! Grandma and Harry Holt first established the picnic tradition when they invited adoptees and their parents to their farm in Creswell, Oregon to enjoy a fun-filled day with other adoptive families.

Now, Holt hosts 14 annual picnics in different regions across the country. Each picnic has its own special vibe, but the main purpose of uniting with others who share a tie to the adoption experience, to build bonds and make memories, remains the best part of every picnic.

Please visit the picnic webpage for picnic dates and locations. RSVP today to attend a picnic.

Learn More About Adopting From ­China or Africa! Join A Webinar

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l / S pr i ng 2011

Considering International Adoption?

Get the information you need from the convenience and privacy of your home... log on to a Holt adoption webinar. Several times each month, Holt International hosts a live online webinar in which one of our adoption staff members walks you through the process with helpful audiovisuals and answers questions. You get the most current information about: • •

Adopting a child through Holt—costs, time frames, countries, requirements, etc.

The benefits and considerations of international adoption an opportunity to ask your specific questions Check out dates for Holt's next webinar

12

around the globe Philippines

Vietnam

Seventeen-year-old Romnick Toledo is on the verge of adulthood – and poised for success. At his April 6th graduation ceremony, Romnick proudly accepted awards for Best in Architecture Skill Modeling, Best in Technological Education and Christian Youth Leadership. An aspiring architect, he plans to enroll at the University of the Philippines later this year.

Romnick’s achievements are extraordinary. But perhaps more extraordinary is the fact that he achieved his goals without the love and support of a permanent family. From the time he was 7, Romnick has lived in an orphanage. “For most children, ‘aging out’ of an orphanage means a struggle to transition from life in an institution to an independent life, often without the educational or vocational skills needed to survive,” says Jennifer Goette, Holt’s program director for South and Southeast Asia.

To help young scholars like Romnick, the Kaisahang Buhay Foundation – Holt’s long-time partner in the Philippines – developed the Independent Living and Educational Assistance program (ILEA). With funding from Holt International, the program provides educational assistance, group housing, case management, group social work and job placement support for young adults from challenging circumstances. Most were raised in institutions, while others have escaped abuse and exploitation.

Since 2000, 76 young adults have progressed through ILEA. Like Romnick, they have, quite simply, defied the odds.

“Not having a family did not stop me [from continuing] my life,” says Romnick. “I have been successful in pursuing my goals – and other children can be, too.”

Visit Holt’s blog to read more about ILEA.

At the beginning of 2011, Holt-Vietnam began providing support to children and families through three preschools in the area. All children receiving services come from very poor households in which they are at risk of either neglect or separation from their parents. For their children, Holt-Vietnam provides a basic package of services including, educational supplies, child-sized desks and chairs, fresh milk three times per week for 92 children from Ba Vi. The most vulnerable children and families also receive tuition assistance, capital assistance for business development and expansion and regular home visits. All families in the area will also have access to ongoing parent education activities.

India Holt’s partner agency Bharatiya Samaj Seva Kendra (BSSK) is making progress on a new childcare facility in Aurangabad. Construction began last July, and they hope to have the facility finished

by September. The BSSK Aurangabad branch provides a number of support services, like welfare services to families and children, foster care and educational sponsorship. The new structure will include a neonatal intensive care unit, age appropriate rooms for babies and children, and therapy rooms. It will also have a gymnasium, library and community hall.

China Mother’s Love Orphanage, from which Holt placed many of our very first children —including our very first child adopted from China — has announced that they will close their Nanning facility in August. Holt also supported the development of Mother’s Love Orphanage’s original foster care program under the direction of Mother’s Choice in Hong Kong. Each year on our family tours, a large number of adoptees return to visit this institution, as well as their foster families. The 23 children with special needs still in care will remain in their foster homes under the direction of Nanning Orphanage. Before the facility closes, the first Holt adoptee from China will have the chance to visit Mother’s Love on this summer’s heritage tour.

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l .or g

13

[1] [3]

[4]

[2]

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]

Dallas, GA (both from Korea) — Lily, 7, Mimi Albano, 5 , 3 — Bonney Lake, WA don Gor e ina), and Luk Cael, 3, Luc y, 18 mos. (Ch West Linn, OR Broyles, 4 ½ (China) — Amelia Sophia MeiYun d, CA ½ (China) — Bakers fiel Eliz abeth McGovern, 2 ton, TX roll Car — cy ther, Nan Olivia, 12 (China) and mo na) — Sioux Falls, SD Chi m fro th (bo 2 mins, Jadyn, 8, and Mataya Cum

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

Fridge [9]

[10]

[11]

[12] [7] [8] [9] [10]

Tyler Hong , 4 (China) — Ladera Nerissa Gri Ranch, C A ff ith, 2 (In d ia) —Port Renee Jon la n d, O R es, 6 (Haiti ) — Yonke Pey ton 4 (C rs , N Y hin Wise, 10 (T a), Alden, 6 (Thailan d h ), ai Branden, 8 land) — Fo [11] (Thailand), rest Grove Sudha, 12, , and Keegan O R A n it a, 11, Jyoth [12] i, 5, Smita, Judah Buit 8 en (a ll w fr er om India) f, 2 ½ (Eth

— Andov iopia) er, MA

Mail origin al co lo r prints to: Holt Intern P.O. Box 28 ational magazine 8 0, Eu g en or upload digital pho e, OR 974 02 tos at holt internatio nal.org/su bmissions

stand,” they concluded, and I joined trainees from Ethiopia, Bangalore and Mumbai in cheering the presenters for their effort.

I was invited to Pune by Holt International Children’s Services to train social workers to use the Make Parenting a Pleasure curriculum. I had helped develop the program in my work for Birth To Three with Eugene-Springfield parents. I was joined in India

by Holt’s program director, Jennifer Goette. Our host was a Holt partner program, Bharatiya Samaj Seva Kendra, an Indian adoption and social service organization.

Making Parenting a Pleasure Minalee Saks, Executive Director of Birth to three, traveled to India recently to train social workers from six different countries on how to effectively support and educate parents “Tell me and I forget,” the saying begins. It is part of a proverb I quote to help adults understand how children learn.

As a developer of parenting curricula and a trainer of parent educators, I had used the entire quote in my work. However, I had never heard it sung, much less with graceful accompanying hand gestures. Suddenly, I was hearing social workers attending a training in Pune, India, combine their voices and actions to add new meaning to the words.

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l / S pr i ng 2011

“Show me and I remember,” they continued, singing in accents from India, Vietnam, Thailand, the Philippines and Uganda.

“Involve me and I under-

16

When I was asked to do the training, I was both excited and worried. Although I have trained professionals in Oregon, throughout the United States and in Ukraine and Romania, I had never led a group from a variety of countries at the same time.

Would people from six different cultures have common goals for the families they work with? Would values and assumptions that worked in Lane County and European cultures be appropriate for East Asia?

And what about the language barriers? India alone has 300 languages! Would everyone understand my American English, and would I understand them?

After 30 hours, I arrived in Pune. As I got off the plane I was overwhelmed by the smells of exhaust and burning garbage, the blooming bougainvillea, the parrots, the uniformed guards stationed everywhere, and the women’s brilliantly colored saris and salwar kameez — long shirts with coordinated leggings and scarves.

After a nap, I went for a walk. Immediately, I was struck by the extreme poverty. I passed people who live on the streets or in the slums. They were begging or selling every item imaginable.

The poverty is more overwhelming than what I had seen in Ukraine or Romania.

And then I turned a corner onto a leafy lane. The road was filled with opulent white marble mansions and palaces, some larger than the White House. Each one had extensive grounds, gardens, gates with guards and signs saying, “Beware of dogs.”

The contrast was stunning. I wondered again how the training’s attendees and I would work together. Our countries are so different. How would we find common ground?

learned from the trainees about parents in so many different circumstances: different countries, income levels, living situations, or family needs.

An hour into the training, I could tell that it was going to work.

When parents are respectfully offered help and support in culturally appropriate ways for the challenging task of raising their children, many will accept gratefully. And the future becomes brighter for everyone.

The 19 participants all spoke English, and from the beginning they were fully engaged in the activities. I began smiling broadly, and I didn’t stop beaming during our four days together.

After previewing the content of the entire curriculum, we ended the first day with the suitcase exercise — a guided visualization where parents “see” their children growing from infancy to young adulthood, and then think about all they want them to carry with them as adults: all their values, characteristics, views of the world, ways of being. Then they each pack a “suitcase” for their child with the things that are most important to them. This exercise is always effective as a metaphor for how we talk about parenting — that from the day our children are born, we are packing their suitcases, and that our daily actions and words are the way we pack them.

In our Lane County parent groups and trainings, we refer back to this exercise a lot. Our international trainees responded in exactly the same way as trainees in Oregon, and just as strongly.

They said that this exercise would work well with the parents in their programs.

On the second day, I had the group do the exercise Through a Child’s Eyes, where one person stands as the parent, and the other sits in the position of the child. Each takes turns saying they are very angry or expressing other emotions. It was a powerful experience for the group.

All of the trainees agreed that the exercise would be effective with the families in their programs. They told me that the underlying values, approach and content of the cur r iculum would be very meaningful for families from their diverse countries and cultures. The trainees all were committed to making cultural adaptations that would work for the parents and children they served.

This training was an enormous experience for me. I learning ­

Upon my return, I learned that Tunisia and Egypt were erupting with citizen-led revolts. Our own country is divided politically, as is our community at times.

It was a lot to absorb. Then I thought about the lessons of the training in India, about how people from so many different places share commonalities that aren’t always apparent or expected.

And this is what I took away from my experience: Parents are parents throughout the world. Regardless of cultures, allegiances, experiences, living situations or countries — people love their children and want the best for them. Whether living in Creswell, Eugene, Kiev or Addis Ababa, all parents have hopes and dreams for their children.

As one of the trainees wrote about the training, “The best part was that it is universal truth.”

Minalee Saks | Executive Director for Birth to Three

From top Left: Mary Paul, Executive Director of Vathsalya Charitable Trust (VCT), receives her certificate of completion for the Make Parenting a Pleasure Training.  At the ­closing ceremony, participants from Holt’s four partner agencies in India sing “We Shall Overcome,” known in India as “Hum Honge Kaamyaab.”  Nguyen Thu Ngan and Tran Thi Lan Anh, two staff members from Holt-Vietnam, sing a popular Vietnamese children’s song  Madhuri Abhyankar, the executive director of the Society of Friends of the Sassoon Hospitals, demonstrates a popular children’s lullaby from India.

from the family If Proof Were Ever Needed The China Child of Promise was meant to find us,” says Ryan McBride, “and it’s one we hope finds many others.”

We decided on adoption in the early summer months of 2009. By late July that year, we had settled on Holt International as our agency and China Child of Promise as our desired route. In early August 2010, exactly one year later, we came home from China with our son, Wyeth.

Going into our decision to join China Child of Promise, we had all the same q ­uestions and concerns that any family would. Is this something we can handle? Can we trust our agency to give us the right information?

What if it doesn’t work out? Will we later be forced into a situation out of guilt?

We chose to write this article to answer some of these common questions that many of you are asking.

Since we’ve been home with Wyeth, we’ve felt so strongly about our results with China Child of Promise that we’ve served as a “mentor family” for others potentially interested in the program. We love making calls to ­prospective parents because it gives us a chance to share our experience, and most importantly… to play our small role in helping other families find the ­children they were meant for. Simply put, China Child of Promise changed our lives, and so we want ­others to share in that m ­ iracle too.

From the start of joining China Child of Promise, Holt International made us feel confident in the decision we made.

Their staff satisfied every question, both before and during the process, and their time estimate for completing the ­ program was accurate. We were never hassled about choosing ­particular correctable problems on the checklist, nor did our child’s ­ ­referral reflect anything other than what we had asked for. Holt ­completely supported our initial list and even allowed us to alter it along the way. When we received our child’s referral, concerns and additional questions we insisted on were met with a prompt and h ­ onest response. From our experience, we would not only recommend Holt International, but would fully endorse China ­ Child of Promise as a wonderful way for families to find the ­children they deserve.

Having been home for eight months now, Wyeth is 2 years old, completely healthy, and exceeding averages for his age in every area of development from language to social skills. In fact, the “minor correctable problem” he was once diagnosed with in China was cured during our very first visit to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia… by nothing more than an inexpensive over-the-counter medicine. He’s intelligent, caring, and has a ­ bright personality that attracts smiling faces everywhere we go.

Looking back, we often ask ourselves what life would be like had we allowed our initial hesitations about China Child of Promise, though reasonable, to determine our path to adoption. What if we had held onto the notion that a healthy child was only available through the standard process? What if we hadn’t taken that leap of faith? Through those questions, we now know what the real risk always was… that we were once in a place that came so very close to us never finding our beautiful son, Wyeth. Our leap of faith was the best thing that has ever happened to us.

This program was meant to find us, and it’s one we hope finds many others. In fact, we liked it so much that we’re doing it again!

Four months after returning home with Wyeth, we applied once more to China Child of Promise, this time to adopt our daughter.

To learn more about the China Child of Promise program, click here

Jason & Ryan McBride | Haddonfield, New Jersey

SOMEWHERE IN CHINA, A CHILD IS WAITING FOR A FAMILY. THE RIGHT FAMILY. YOUR FAMILY.

Partner with Holt’s China program staff to adopt from ­ China and increase your ­chances of finding the child that needs you most. While you search the online ­ photolisting, Holt’s expert China team searches the shared list – helping you find the right match more quickly.

Holt has had more success ­directly matching children from China than anyone else!

Attend a webinar or visit us online to learn more.

www.holtinternational.org

after a couple of years that we would feel the desire to adopt a little girl. Once again, we traveled to the Philippines to bring home our 5-year-old daughter, Kim. With our family complete, and God smiling down on us, we lived a happy life as a family of six. That is until about 5 years ago when Karen felt the tug. It was shortly after this that she and Isaac journeyed to the Philippines to bring home our 9-year-old son, Lancer.

Our Plans….God’s Plan

The Barnes family adopted three older children from the Philippines. This month, Mike and Karen Barnes will use their firsthand knowledge when they travel to the ­Philippines to meet 11 older children waiting for adoptive families. They will then return to the United States and advocate for the children’s adoptions.

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l / S pr i ng 2011

If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. As a young couple that had two birth children, a girl and a boy, it seemed like the conscientious thing to do was to consider our family complete.

In our young minds the world’s resources seemed limited, as did our own finances. So, being responsible young adults, we made our contraceptive plans permanent and would not have any more children. Looking back, it makes me laugh to think about the plans we made.

Our plans changed 15 years ago when I listened to Dr. James Dobson talking on the radio about the staggering number of Chinese girls in need of adoptive families. God had blessed our family over the years. My wife, Karen, and I had experienced the joys of parenting and now God was opening our eyes to the plans he had made. After looking into the China adoption program through Holt International we realized that the Philippines program was actually a more natural fit for us. Our brother-in-law is Filipino, we are Catholic, we fit the age requirements and we were open to an older child adoption.

At that time our children were ages 7 and 10. We knew we didn’t want to start over with diapers, nor did we want a 7-year spread between our children. We decided that a 5-year-old child would fit perfectly into our family. It was 13 years ago that we made the journey to the Philippines to bring home our son, Isaac. We enjoyed our travels to the Philippines and the wonderful people we encountered there. Isaac was such a treasure to our family, and God had continued to bless us. So, it seemed only natural

20

Not too long after Lancer came home we took the family on a six-week mission trip to the Philippines.

We felt it was important for our birth children to experience the culture of their adopted siblings and we wanted our adopted children to have the chance to reconnect with their roots. It was an incredible, lifechanging experience for each one of us, and added cohesiveness to our already close family.

Adopting older children has been a very rewarding experience.

We prepared for each child’s transition into our home by keeping ourselves educated on normal development for their age group as well as any adoption/transition issues one might expect. We kept their siblings involved with the adoption process and reinforced that we were a family, with each individual unique and equally important. We have learned over the years that with patience, consistency, discipline and lots of love, the “bumps” in the road smooth out over time. Our faith in God and strong sense of family has helped to make each child’s transition a smooth one.

We realized early on that the parochial school our birth children attended did not offer the multitude of support services we would find in the public schools. Therefore, we placed Kim, Lancer and Isaac into the public school system. We utilized the English as a Second Language program for each child. Isaac has continued to benefit from speech and special education services.

At present, Kim is at the top of her high school class and desires to become a pathologist. Isaac has made great strides academically and has grown into a fine young man. With much patience and perseverance, Lancer is blossoming into the “A” student that he has always wanted to be. They are all involved in sports and we are very proud of each one of them and their accomplishments.

It is definitely quieter in the Barnes home these days. Our oldest daughter, Sarah, has graduated from college and is now married.

Our oldest son, Austin, is in the Navy and so it is rare that our family is physically together all at the same time. I often reflect on the times we sat around the crowded kitchen table sharing a meal and lots of laughter. I think some of our warmest memories have been shared at the dinner table. I miss those days and

it’s hard to imagine how empty our house would be, especially how empty our lives would be, without Isaac, Kim and Lancer. They have brought so much joy to our hearts and have made our family complete….I think.

Introducing the Philippines ­Ambassador Program

A few months ago we received a call to travel to the Philippines to work with the Holt Philippines Ambassador Programs – an opportunity Karen and I quickly agreed to. The program’s ambassadors will spend time with a selected group of older children and return home committed to sharing their stories to help them find their forever families. We look forward to the challenges ahead…but I can’t help but wonder what God has planned for us.

CLICK HERE for more information about the Philippines Ambassador program and the upcoming trip to the Philippines!

Mike and Karen Barnes | St. Joseph, Missouri

ABOVE LEFT: The Barnes family on a mission trip to the Philippines. “We were very sad to leave the wonderful people we had met and friends we made,” says Karen, of their six-week trip. Karen and Mike will return to the Philippines with Holt this month.

Front row (from left) Lancer, Karen, Kim, Mycel Fabela (family friend).

Back row (from left): Sarah, Mike, Austin and Isaac Barnes.

We hope you will join the Ambassadors on their ­adventure to find families for 11 beautiful children from the ­Philippines!

21

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l .or g

LEFT: The Barnes’ oldest son, Austin, at St. Rita’s orphanage in Paranaque.

Daughter Kim spent the first five years of her life at St. Rita's, until adopted by the Barnes family. The Barnes family always returns for a visit when they are in the Philippines.

Austin is seen here holding a child at the orphanage.

This month, two Holt staff members will accompany ­six ­enthusiastic volunteer ambassadors to the Philippines, where they will meet 11 older children hoping to be ­adopted by loving families. With the help of their social workers, the ambassadors will get to know these children - their likes and dislikes, what makes them special, what their ­challenges are - and then return to the U.S. to share their stories with prospective adoptive families.

If you would like to learn more about the 2011 Philippines Ambassador Program, follow the trip blog and read about the participating children, click here to fill out a form. Once the form is successfully submitted, you will receive an email with a username and password as well as the web link to the Ambassador Program main page.

Our Daughters — ­Moving Forward to Middle School Backpacks, flip flops, trophies, fun (and a little drama) ­surround the Glass family as their daughters journey into a new chapter of life The 12 years since we adopted our first daughter in China have flown by. Katie is now 13 and her sister, Lauren is 11. This fall, Lauren – our youngest – enters middle school – our home is filled with reminders of it. Backpacks and a laptop wait to be carried to school. An assortment of shoes – flats, flip flops, soccer cleats almost my size – crowd a rack by the door. A "Happy Birthday Mom" poster that Lauren made hangs in the kitchen. Trophies decorate their rooms. Flyers reminding me of upcoming events cover the refrigerator. Our life is full, and we love it this way.

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l / S pr i ng 2011

Watching our girls grow so quickly is filled with joys and challenges (keeping them in clothes that fit, is one). We applaud their choices. They take responsibility for their schoolwork and chores (most of them). They excel academically and athletically. Their interests are changing. Itunes have replaced WebKinz. Texting has replaced phone conversations for our eldest. Boys have appeared on their radar screens. Katie mentions them, and takes forever to get ready in the morning. Lauren enjoys romantic preteen movies and the boy co-stars. The boys in her class, however, are “just gross.” She’s ready for school in five minutes.

This stage can be trying at times.

Drama occasionally rides home with us from school.

The desire to fit in with their classmates is strong.

Katie at times wishes she looked like her Caucasian

22

­ lassmates. Role models in the media don’t help. Her process c of self-acceptance will continue beyond her middle school years, along with that of her non-Asian classmates. One day she’ll recognize her individual beauty. For now, we encourage the girls in endeavors that build confidence through their abilities and achievements rather than their appearance. Personality plays a part in self-acceptance. Younger sister Lauren defines herself independent of her appearance, classmates and even her sister.

At 4 she flatly rejected any clothes passed down to her by her sister as “not my style” and hasn’t budged from it since.

We’re glad our daughters came to terms with the circumstances of their adoption before middle school. These days, they don’t volunteer their thoughts about it. From time to time I still ask them what they think about their adoption or being Chinese – subjects we’ve discussed since they were young. The Holt Heritage Tour we took in 2008 was a significant help in their finding effective ways to understand and deal with their adoption.

Two recent conversations showed me the level of their confidence. Katie once was reluctant to discuss her adoption.

Recently, a boy in her class thought she was of Chinese and American descent. When told she was adopted, it was he who was embarrassed; Katie found it amusing. Last month, Lauren showed half-serious displeasure at a casual, but negative comment about Chinese people made by a boy in her class. Proud of her heritage, she defended it. As the girls move toward high school and the new group of students there, it’s good to know they can talk comfortably about their adoption and China.

Things keep changing, our daughters keep adapting and we look forward to watching them grow. Through everything, we work to maintain strong communication and a sense of humor.

Difficulties and disappointments happen, but we’re up to the challenge as we head into the future with our two exceptional daughters from China.

Ann Glass | Tarpon Spring, Florida

ABOVE: Lauren, 11, and Katie, 13. LEFT: The Glass family. Lauren and Katie with their parents Ann and Richard.

THISMOTHER’SDAY...

CELEBRATE

YOURMOTHERANDGIVEA

GIFTOFHOPE Give a gift online at holtinternational.org/gifts

post–adoption

The Challenge of Tough Conversations “As soon as we start to feel comfortable sitting in the awkwardness of ‘unfixability’ and the knowledge that our protections aren’t always necessary, the idea of tough conversations becomes a little bit less daunting,” says Steve Kalb, Post-adoption Social worker who, in this article, shares strategies for effective communication between adoptee and parent A big part of my job involves crafting strategies to help adoptees and their parents communicate with one another about tough issues like adoption and race. Common sense tells us that it’s a simple task: encourage adoptees and parents to talk with each other about their life experiences so they can understand each other on a deeper level. Sounds easy enough, right? It, however, proves to be much more complicated than that. Two major factors, when it comes to tough conversations about race or adoption, prevent meaningful conversations between adoptees and parents.

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l / S pr i ng 2011

The emotional, protective instincts both parties have for one another is the first contributing factor. Parents want their child to be happy and feel good about themselves and will often go to great lengths to make it so. This protective instinct becomes counterproductive with many parents who are afraid to “stir the pot.” If their child isn’t talking about something, they must not be thinking about it. Therefore, parents avoid mentioning tough adoption issues to their children for fear that it might make them miss their birth parents, or think about their “adopted” place in the family, or remember a racist name they were called, ultimately making the child feel sad, hurt, angry or all three.

Many adoptees do, in fact, have these thoughts but choose not to mention them because of the same protective instincts towards their parents. They, too, are afraid of “stirring the pot.” They think that mentioning birth parents, asking questions about adoption or telling stories of racism, will make their parents feel inadequate and in some way imply that they’re not grateful for their family.

These protective instincts have served as an inhibitor to conversations between adoptees and their parents, and work to create a vicious cycle that perpetuates the avoidance of rewarding and intimate conversation.

24

The second contributing factor speaks more to missed opportunities than it does to communication barriers. Many genuine moments, rife with potentially meaningful connections, are missed because of the strong emotions evoked by parents. When parents hear stories about their child’s struggles, whether about adoption or racism, they will often let their emotions take over — emotions of anger, sadness, frustration, fear or even outright rejection of the story. Tragically, the adoptee’s feelings often get lost in the process as parents are consumed by their own emotions elicited by their child’s story. The parent mindset moves immediately to solutions and fixing the problem in order to assuage their child’s bad feelings and by extension their own. This isn’t to say that the emotional responses to their child’s experiences are a bad thing. It’s natural and inevitable to react emotionally, and it’s those emotional responses that inspire parents to act and advocate for their children in school, the community and family environments. However, in terms of fostering strong communication between parent and child, it’s critical the parent be mindful of their own feelings when confronted by these issues so that the proper attention can be given to the child’s experience rather than moving immediately to the remedy.

In the end, consistent communication between adoptees and their parents about tough issues has proven to be elusive. We know that both parties want to have these conversations, but both parties are also a little scared about how the other will react. This fear has led us to silence around the issues and “quick fix” solutions that avert deeper discussion. Many times the problems that adoptees bring to their parents aren’t fixable, and that’s OK. As soon as we start to feel comfortable sitting in the awkwardness of “unfixability” and the knowledge that our protections aren’t always necessary, the idea of these tough conversations become a little bit less daunting.

Steve Kalb | Post-Adoption Services Social Worker ABOVE: Camp counselors at the Adoptee camp in Corbett, Oregon talk to parents about the importance of open communication with their children

adoptees today So, I took my newly-found Korean roots to KU. I joined the Asian American Student Union. I started hanging out with Korean kids from my language class. Then something weird happened. A few of my new friends turned on me.

“You’re so white-washed,” one girl said.

“You aren’t diverse enough,” another guy told me.

“It’s a shame you’re adopted,” another one said.

There’s a Little “Jerk” in Us All How a stupid movie helped one girl keep it real When I think of my childhood, I can’t resist thinking of good ole Navin Johnson. You know, he’s Steve Martin’s quirky character in the 1979 movie, The Jerk. Navin grew up as the only white kid in a black family from Mississippi and was obnoxiously delusional about his upbringings. And despite loving his adoptive family more than anything else, he had a whole world to see.

My mom hated that movie. But oddly, there’s something I can still relate to.

Just like Navin, I grew up a poor, white kid in rural Missouri.

Okay, we weren’t really poor, but my parents certainly made sacrifices for me. I was a first-generation college student. My dad spent a lot of hours operating a backhoe on various construction sites to get me through my undergraduate years. My mother gave up her own education to cart me around to tap classes and basketball practice in high school. I was a good point guard, but I wasn’t that good.

I remember feeling betrayed because I had put so much effort into becoming their friend. Here I was, unnaturally calling the older boys ohpa and learning phrases like maekju masheetda to cheers a beer, and what did I get in return? A swift kick in the shins.

It made me angry because these kids were actually born in the United States, unlike me. And they wanted to scold me about diversity? Most of them only hung out with Korean students in the science library, speaking only Korean to one another. Where were their non-Korean chingus?

I was confused. No white kid saw me as white. No Korean kid saw me as Korean. Who was I? I’ve heard so many adoptees ask this question. Even though many are living happy lives, many will also tell you they don’t feel like they fully belong in any place. In one breath, my friends would tell me they just saw me as Michelle, but in the second breath, they’d make some wise crack about me being Asian. I could never escape looking different in the United States…

Click here to read more of Michelle’s story

Michelle Li | Wilmington, North Carolina

For the most part, I grew up like any other white girl in the Midwest. I was the only Asian-looking girl in my class up until high school graduation. I had little interest in anything that sounded Asian-y. I once remember throwing a fit when my mom suggested I take a martial arts class. Of course, now I regret not knowing any self defense moves.

The point is, as a child, I thought I was white and nothing else.

Then, I grew up.

25

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l .or g

Some people might assume it took meeting my birth family to make me realize that yes, indeed, I was Korean. That’s partly true. After all, we reunited when I was practically a kid. At 18, I discovered my birth family was intact. My three sisters and I were all born within about 5 years from one another. They were learning English. I had already coincidentally registered for Korean language classes at the University of Kansas. We were well on our way to adding each other to our family trees. My parents at home felt like they got three more Korean girls out of the deal. Life was good.

All Through Adoption

of Seoul. She hugged him and kissed him and told him not to turn around. When he finally looked back, she was gone.

After surviving the streets of post-war Korea, Thomas Park Clement was adopted by a loving family.

Today, he’s honored around the world.

By his late 40s, Thomas Park Clement was, inarguably, a huge success. As founder and CEO of an established medical device company, he had touched the lives of millions of people. He held 24 U.S. medical patents (now 32), three college degrees, and an appointment to the Advisory Committee on Unification by the South Korean president. He was also a happily married father of two, a trapeze artist and a Tai Kwon Do expert.

No longer was he a “vulnerable tuki” – a half-Korean, halfCaucasian boy, surviving on the streets of Seoul at 5-years-old.

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l / S pr i ng 2011

But once, on a humanitarian mission to North Korea, he glimpsed this younger version of himself.

“We were going to dinner, and right next to the front door was a 5-year-old orphan kid. He had no shoes and no socks,” says Thomas. “I thought, ‘that is my protégé.’”

How, he wondered, did I go from where he is to where I am now – training surgeons at the Ministry of Health?

“It was all through adoption,” he says.

Thomas Park Clement was born in war-torn South Korea – his mother Korean, his father an American GI. For the first 4 or 5 years of his life, his mother kept him in her care. Then, one day, she buttoned his coat tight and walked him into the busy streets

26

The first family to adopt him was a gang of street kids.

Outsiders themselves, they overlooked what, at that time, Korean society could not. “In spite of the fact that I was obviously a biracial ‘tuki’ and they were pure Korean, they adopted me,” Thomas writes in his memoir, The Unforgotten War. Tuki, in Korean, means “foreign devil.”

“As a child in Korea I learned to think of myself literally as a devil … I was taboo,” Thomas writes.

Thomas survived on the streets until, one day, a Methodist missionary took him to a local orphanage. In 1958, June and Richard Clement adopted Thomas and brought him home to the U.S. Overnight, his life upturned.

It was “Christmas every day.” Not only did he have his own bed, but his own room. He learned the meaning of “seconds” at mealtime, and that rainy days meant bicycling in the garage.

Overnight, he had a mother, a father, a sister and a brother. He had an Aunt Edie, Aunt Nettie and a grandma. Overnight, he had a family.

As a small boy in a foreign place, he had many fears as well.

The TV shootouts between cowboys and Indians were all too real for Thomas. Often, he woke up screaming from nightmares about the war – a war he could not, and never would, forget.

But nothing in his new world scared him as much as the prospect of returning to the old one. “I did not want to go back to the orphanage,” he writes. “I did not want to go back to the war.”

Breaking the Silence Thomas eventually overcame his childhood fears. But although he had love and security and more food than he could ever eat, secretly, something was always missing – a “sadness” in his heart. He never voiced these feelings – not with his family, not with his friends. Older generations of adoptees share a common understanding that “you did not talk about adoption in the family,” he says. This left many feeling voiceless, in “silent conversation.”

Thomas supports humanitarian efforts in Africa and North Korea – where, in recent years, he helped build a research center for drug-resistant TB. Through an organization called First Steps, he also supplies food for children living in the country’s orphanages. For children like his “protégé.” Children, once, just like him.

Robin Munro |

Senior Writer

Not until his 40s did Thomas find his voice – after typing “Korean adoptee” into a search engine.

“It was the most incredible feeling in the world,” he writes.

“After 40 years of being in the United States it occurred to me that I hadn’t ever known or seen or met another KAA.” He discovered a huge, vibrant community of international adoptees, living all over the world. By “surfacing” in this community, he could share the feelings he thought no one else could understand. “That’s the coolest thing about adoptee gatherings,” he says, “the commonality.”

After breaking the silence, Thomas found he had much more to say. He began writing. “That was one of the biggest motivations,” Thomas says of his memoir. “We have a voice, and we can talk about it – about adoption.”

Thomas’ voice proved powerful. The Unforgotten War sold over 20,000 copies. “Some of them said it sounded like I was talking directly to them,” he says of his fellow adoptees.

In many ways, he was. After surfacing in the community, Thomas began counseling adoptees and their families. During 3 a.m. phone calls, they shared their frustrations and fears, their feelings of alienation, encounters with prejudice. In many passages of his book, he directly addresses the issues he’s helped adoptees work through over the years. He emphasizes the importance of connecting with other adoptees, and explains how he copes himself.

Feeding the Fire Thomas considers himself a “testimonial of the positive outcome of adoption.” Of his success, he writes, “the most important influence was the love and support I received from my adoptive parents and family.” He also recognizes the complexities, and imperfections, of international adoption. Fellow adoptees have asked how he can be so positive – how, having endured so much hardship, having been called “‘roundeye’ in Korea and ‘slanteye’ in America,” he is not bitter.

FAR LEFT: Thomas and his father on the day he arrived in the United States, in May 1958.

Thomas holds the toy jeep his father brought him.

Over the years, many more adult adoptees have broken the silence. In April, ­adoptees from around the world gathered in Washington D.C. to celebrate and reflect on 55 years of ­international adoption. On the opening day of this ­international forum, eight adoptees shared their stories at the National Press Club.

Click here to listen.

Interested in sharing your story with Holt International? Contact Holt’s Senior Writer at r­ obinmunro@holtinternational.org.

The first family to adopt him was a gang of street kids. Outsiders themselves, they overlooked what, at that time, Korean society could not. “In spite of the fact that I was obviously a b­ iracial ‘tuki’ and they were pure Korean, they adopted me,” Thomas writes in his memoir, ­ The Unforgotten War. Tuki, in Korean, means “foreign devil.”

27

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l .or g

For this, he also credits his family – his birth mother, who cared for him during the critical first years of his life, giving him an “essential confidence in people,” and his adoptive parents. “If I think about the Korean War, living on the streets and the orphanage, I could be ‘totaled’ by these thoughts,” Thomas writes. “Or I can use these life experiences to feed the fire…to make the world a better place for our children in the future. This attitude I owe to my parents.”

As well as his beloved mother and wife, Thomas dedicates his memoir, The Unforgotten War, to his “wise and supportive adoptive father, Richard Clement.” ABOVE, Thomas and his father are pictured in California, 2009.

n e r d l i h c g n i w a it r children need adoptive families e These and oth

Ada m

A frica Born: 2.27.06, m ily. Upon s a spec ial fa

Adam need d posit ive care, he teste com ing into tly, he is en rr B and C. Cu for Hepatit is he does not e us ca be n tio not on med ica caregiver s e illness. His have an activ nt in his cie ffi su lfse is report that he inst ruceir th d follows daily sk ills an r younger fo n er nc co s tions. He show th his peer s. plays well wi ch ildren and know s hi s , ch ee sp ar Adam has cle He needs e. fiv n count to color s and ca ex perience has adoption a fam ily who y med ical an th ide hi m wi and can prov ay need. care that he m

C ale b

C hina Born, 4.2 5.04, to care at y boy came in

Th is sweet, sh s found at s old. He wa about 6 month d to have te no l and was a local hospita late. A lip pa d an lip ft congen ital cle 20 05. Caleb y was done in repair surger of ten takes it t bu s ion rect can follow di nd th ings. ta rs m to unde longer for hi ported sig ns st in 2010 re A hear ing te report came RI s. His M of hear ing los care of his Caleb can take back normal. ends and fri od He has go daily needs.

Interested and draw ing. enjoys singi ng nce with rie pe ld have ex fam ilies shou ve access to ha d an n tio op older ch ild ad ces. med ical resour

Willow

G e ne t

play ing Willow likes Found in a ions well. lows inst ruct has lived ow ill W , infant rice field as an 06 20 . She is fam ily since with a foster nt ion span, te at t or ve a sh reported to ha ing when st me time adju and took so ch can be ee sp r He hool. she began sc improved es, but has unclear at tim Willow y. ap er th speech with ongoing id to sa is puzzles and enjoys jig saw ted lit tle iri sp is Th ful. be qu ite help eds a fam ily cute laugh ne angel with a r age and is he st pa nted who has pare ild adoption le of older ch knowledgeab tiona l.org / na er nt lti ht tp:// ho issue s. illow-th is/in-her-shoes-w blog /2011/04 / g-ch ild weeks-wait in

, Th is beautif ul 20 09. She December of into care in lk s abnorwa d an es ey has crossed t is able to e of th is. Gene mally becaus s, and she ce en nt se rd wo speak 2 to 3 – open to ily m a spec ial fa is in need of prov ide her n ca o wh – ns some unknow erapies she ical care or th with any med national.org / tp:// holti nter may need. ht g- ch ild -o ftin / ho lts -w ai bl og /2 010/ 12 fam ily-th is-fi nd-genet-athe-week-lets christmas/

Sou thea st Asia Born: 10.13.02, foloutdoors and

Ada m

A frica Born 12.2 5.07, girl came spirited lit tle

Willow

C ale b Ge ne t

Nina

Born: 12.4.09, SE Asia

Nina

Tyson

Nina’s caretakers nick nam ed her “cute little one”, and describe her as delightful, bright and creative . She smiles brightly every day. Bor n with phocomelia, Nina has deformi ties of all of her limbs and is missing one arm.

She undergoes physica l therapy for two hours a day, five days a week and is mak ing remarka ble progress.

She has developmental delays due to her disabilit y, but her caregivers report that this doe s not lim it her ability to function and enjoy life. She uses her arm and feet in a functioning man ner and uses her mouth to play with toys. She enjoys individu alized attention and has no problem s wit h stra nge rs.

She cur rent ly jabbers and engages with her care takers in baby talk. Nina also enjoys listening to mu sic.

This charmi ng little girl is in need of a special fam ily who is comfortable with her special needs and is able to prov ide her with the care and therapies that she nee ds to reach her full potential.

Tyson

Born: 6.30.05, SE Asia

This smart and cur ious boy is ready to be loved. He came into care when his mot her realized she could not prov ide for him. In January 2010, Tyson retu rned to his birt h mot her, then went back to his foster fam ily in Apr il and was reli nqu ished for adoption.

He has shown nor mal reactions of grief and loss dur ing these adjustments. One of Tyson’s eyes is smaller than the other, though he sees well. He has a history of a milk allergy that appears to be improvi ng.

Tyson has made remarka ble progress both at school and in the fost er home. He likes music and humor and is thriving in care.

He is energet ic and like s to be active and involved with fam ily acti vities. Tyson will do best in a fam ily who has experiences adopting older children , who has access to adoption specialists and who will expect some regression and ang er at his losses.

We ndy

Born: 4.8.00, C hina

This sweet, clever young lady is described as extroverted and outg oing. Upon adm ission she was found to be deaf in both ears. She cur rent ly live s at a school for hearing-impaired children and stays with a foster fam ily dur ing sum mer and winter vacation. She gets alon g well with other children and likes to dan ce and draw. She is lear ning some sign lang uage and can commun icate through read ing lips, writing and gest ures.

Holt 's Waiting Child program has children with special heal thcare needs, older children, and sibling groups who all nee d loving families... For more info rmation and to view Holt ’s Waiting Child photolis ting, go to http://w ww.holtinternation al.org/waitingchild Go to Holt ’s blog at http://holti nternational.org /blog/catego ry/adoption/waitingchildren/ to read Holt ’s Waiting Child of the Week stories

We n d y

Intercountry Adoption— Moving Forward From a 55-Year Perspective Holt’s International Forum in Washington D.C. Participants from around the world gathered in Washington D.C. (April 14-16) to celebrate fifty-five-years of intercountry adoption at the International Forum sponsored by Holt International and Adoptees for Children.

The conference was an unprecedented examination of international adoption and child welfare through the lens of adult adoptees.

Since the environment for international child welfare and adoption is influenced by global concerns and challenges more than ever, Washington D.C. was selected as the conference site so national and international policy makers could participate.

Notable presenters from various countries presented during the conference and Saturday’s presenters were adoption professionals who are also adult adoptees. This was the first significant conference to highlight the unique personal perspective of adoption professionals who also happen to be adult adoptees. Too often the influence and voices of those who have lived the experience are not represented. As the organization that pioneered intercountry adoption, Holt International benefits from the experiences of three generations of adult adoptees.

Many of these adult adoptees attended the International Forum and represented the critical importance of adoption in the lives of children. The adoptees met with government officials, international guests, child welfare experts and Members of Congress and their staff.

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l / S pr i ng 2011

The International Forum began with a press conference at the National Press Club (entire event can be seen at ­w ww.holtinternational.org) and the premier book signing of the new adoptee anthology, “More Voices.” The Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute hosted a luncheon in the Kennedy Caucus Room and Korean Ambassador Han hosted an amazing evening of Korean food and dance at his residence. The Forum concluded with a Gala dinner and program Saturday evening with Holt adoptive parent, the Honorable Marjorie Margolies serving as host.

The Forum was made possible by a grant from the W.K. Kellogg Foundation.

Forum photos and details at www.holtinternational.org and www.adoptees4children.org Contact Adoptee Outreach Director, Courtney Rader courtneyr@ holtinternational.org to order “More Voices” anthology.

FROM TOP: The Capitol at night. On April 14th, adoptees and adoptive families came together in Washington D.C. For a forum on international adoption, moving forward with a 55-year perspective. Adoptee Desi Stephens shares her story at the international forum  Holt-Ethiopia Director Dr. Fikru reunites with Berhanu, adopted from Ethiopia last year.  Susan Soonkeum Cox speaks at the forum.  Molly Holt is joined by board member and Holt adoptee Kim Hanson, and Holt adoptee Julie Duvall.

30

Susan Soonkeum Cox | External Affairs

Vice President of Policy &

neighborhood calendar California

May 14, Los Angeles — Holt Fam Springs Picnic area, Pad B

Oregon ily Picnic at Grif fith Park –

Crystal

Picnic at Royer Park May 21, Roseville — Holt Family Picnic at City of Clovis – May 22, Fresno — Holt Family Railroad N & C, 12-3 PM ily Picnic at Coyote Point Park – May 22, San Mateo — Holt Fam PM :30 Beach site #7, 12-3 Shelter 1 Picnic at Mason Regional Park June 18, Irvine — Holt Family ptees bins–Holt Adoptee Camp for ado July 31-August 4, 2011 — Dob ust 3) 9-16 year s old (Day Camp is Aug

Picnic at Camp Angelos – Lodge July 17, Corbett — Holt Family s old ptee Camp for adoptees 9-16 year July 17-21, Corbett — Holt Ado (Day Camp is July 20) ily Picnic at Camp Harlow August 6, Eugene — Holt Fam in Dinner Auc tion to benefit children October 22, Portland — Gala and ont erfr Wat n ntow Holt ’s care. Portland Marriot t Dow

Wisconsin

s a Holt Adoptee Camp for adoptee July 31-August4, 2011 — Wautom rd ).

3 ust Aug is 9-16 year s old (Day Camp

Georgia

s 9-16 Holt Adoptee camp for adoptee July 24-28, 2011, Hampton — 27) July is p year s old (Day Cam the ily Picnic at Lutheran Church of October 23, Marietta — Holt Fam .

Resurrec tion, 3:30 – 6:30 p.m

Illinois

August 13, Oakbrook Terrace — Memorial Park

Holt Family Picnic at Veterans

Iowa

p for UM Camp — Holt Adoptee Cam July 24-28, 2011, Lake Okoboji 27) July p is adoptees 9-16 year s old (Day Cam Picnic at Le Grand Community ily Fam Holt — d Gran Le 24, September Park

Get the Info

ic, rmation or to volunteer at a picn Holt Family Picnics — For info All org. nal. atio tern oltin d@h contact Sally Dougherty at sally to d otherwise. For more info, go picnics 11 a.m.-3 p.m. unless note ics ww w.holtinternational.org/picn tion contact Steve Kalb at Holt Adoptee Camp – For informa or go to stevek@holtinternational.org p cam org/ nal. atio tern ww w.holtin act Michael Tessier at michaelt@­ Day Camp – For information cont to go holtinternational.org or p/daycamp.shtml ww w.holtinternational.org/cam act Sandi Mehl at Events – For information cont l.org iona rnat sandim@holtinte

Kansas/Missouri July 16, Prairie Village — Holt 11:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.

Family Picnic at Harmon Park,

Nebraska July 16, Omaha — Holt Family

Picnic at Cooper Memorial Farm

Adoptee Camp for adoptees 9-16 August 7-12, 2011, Sussex — Holt 11) year s old (Day Camp is August Family Picnic at Pine Park August 20, Lakewood — Holt efit Gala and Dinner Auc tion to ben September 24, New Jersey — Princeton tin Wes The . ram Prog ds Nee Holt 's Children with Special at Forrestal Village

31

H olt I nt e r n at i on a l .or g

New Jersey

Post Office Box 2880 Eugene, OR 97402

Change Ser vice Reques ted

Holt’s Adoptee Camp

To register for the 2011 Adoptee Camp go to: www.holtinternational.org/camp For questions contact Steve Kalb, Camp Director at stevek@holtinternational.org • 541.687.2202 ext. 245

OREGON CAMP • July 17-21 – Camp Angelos, Corbett, OR • July 20 th – Day Camp

GEORGIA CAMP • July 24-28 – Calvin Center, Hampton, GA • July 27th – Day Camp

WISCONSIN CAMP • July 31-August 4 – Camp Lakotah, Wautoma, WI • August 3rd – Day Camp

IOWA CAMP • July 24-28 – Lake Okoboji UM Camp, Spirit Lake, IA • July 27th – Day Camp

CALIFORNIA CAMP • July 31-August – 4 Camp Rockin' U, Dobbins, CA • August 3rd – Day Camp

NEW JERSEY CAMP • August 7-12 – Camp Louemma, Sussex, NJ • August 11th – Day Camp