Homotropolis | Issue #1 2017

HOMOTROPOLIS COPENHAGEN & MALMร

ISSUE #1 2017

What's on?

Learn About

Meet

LGBTQ+ events during the Winter season in Copenhagen, Malmรถ and surrounding areas.

Homophobia in soccer, trans issues and LGBT Danmark's involvement in Tunisia.

Robert who grew up in a Christian family and cover model Annemette who hates boxes.

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it's oh so cold outside! snuggle up and enjoy our magazine

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A look inside 06

Goodbye, Mr. Ambassador Rufus Gifford, the highly popular and openly gay US ambassador to Denmark, said goodbye in January after three and a half years in Copenhagen.

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Homophobia still alive and kicking in the stadium Homophobia in sports is an ongoing topic and in recent months focus has increased as the popular soccer player, Mathias "Zanka" Jørgensen, has given his take on homophobia on the Danish soccer fields.

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Copenhagen Winter Pride Week — Once again!

Copenhagen Pride is serving you a diverse and interesting programme for Winter Pride Week 2017. We have picked out the highlights for you.

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Opinion: Denmark seen through the eyes of a transgender couple Our writing duo, Tanya and Robyn, is zooming in on current trans issues in Denmark and covers topics such as deadnaming, transphobia and the media's recurrent misgendering of trans people.

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Malmö Opera makes toilets gender neutral Malmö Opera has recently introduced a gender neutral bathroom so everyone can feel safe and comfortable when nature calls.

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Behind the curtains: The Strength to be Myself Robert shares his personal story about growing up gay in a conservative, Christian family and opens up about his first big love, his struggles with his family and his dreams in life.

CONTENT Thomas K. Rasmussen (editor in chief) Helle Bjørnstrup Tanya Randstoft M Robin Cook Robert Davis

COVER Model: Annemette Vedel Augustesen

PRINT Johansen Grafisk A/S

DISTRIBUTION Homotropolis is a free magazine available at cafés, shops, restaurants, bars and organisations in Copenhagen and Malmö.

The magazine is targeted at LGBTQ tourists and citizens in the Greater Copenhagen region.

For a complete distribution list please contact crew@homotropolis.com All articles are available online at www.homotropolis.com

HOMOTROPOLIS Issue #1 2017

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Dear reader

Welcome to this issue of Homotropolis.

Winter Pride Week is celebrating its 3rd anniversary this year, making it a newcomer to Copenhagen’s LGBTQ community and a much needed rainbow escape during these grey and cold months. The initiative is founded and organised by Copenhagen Pride and the coming years will hopefully see a positive development for the concept of Winter Pride. The programme this year is even more ambitious and comprehensive than previous years, and there is little doubt that Copenhagen Pride has given birth to a baby with powerful potential. This is why we urge you to participate and join the events during Winter Pride Week - and by doing so showing your support for the work that the volunteers from Copenhagen Pride have put into Winter Pride and urging them to keep going and keep growing.

This issue also includes a very personal story by Robert Davis which deals with the frustrations and complications of growing up gay in a very religious and conservative family. Sharing such a personal and intimate story shows both courage and strength and we are honoured to be the platform from which Robert’s story comes out into the open.

We are very proud to welcome Tanya and Robin as our writers, and extremely thankful for the efforts they put into giving the cisgendered majority a unique opportunity for education and eyeopening perspectives as seen through the eyes of transgendered people. The fact that the media still have not learned to write news stories about trans issues without misgendering and deadnaming shows us that there is still a long way to go.

On the subject of gender, a positive story comes from the Swedish side where Malmö Opera recently introduced a gender neutral bathroom in order to make sure non-binary people feel welcome.

You can also read about homophobia on the Danish soccer fields, the upcoming national selections for Eurovision Song Contest, LGBT Denmark’s work in Tunisia and much more.

Enjoy!

Happy Winter Pride and lots of love from Homotropolis Crew

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Goodbye

Photo: Wilfred Gachau

Mr. Ambassador

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To most Danes the former US ambassador to Denmark is simply known by his first name, Rufus. During his time in Denmark the ambassador has been the subject of his own reality show, marched in the annual Copenhagen Pride Parade alongside his husband Stephen and attended numerous events and talkshows making more public appearances than any other ambassador ever did, raising the bar for diplomatic visibility.

On January 3 the LGBT organisations from Copenhagen got together to organise a farewell reception for the beloved ambassador at the National Museum in order to properly thank him for the commitment and sincere interest in getting involved with the Danish LGBT+ community. The American Embassy even hosted an official pride reception during Copenhagen Pride Week and Lars Henriksen, chairperson of Copenhagen Pride, gave a very emotional speech at the reception on behalf of all organisations involved.

“You have - in many ways - taken openness to a new level. There have been gay ambassadors in Denmark before, but your willingness to embrace that side of your personal life and use it to the advantage of us all has been extraordinary.

And with openness comes availability and also in that field you have shown us new standards to live by from here on”, said Lars Henriksen, who also underlined that the bonds and friendships created between the Danish LGBT community and both Rufus and Stephen are unique and strong enough to withstand the test of time.

“When, in the future, you see a rainbow - please think of us”, he said.

Rufus Gifford is one out of many US ambassadors and diplomats who are replaced as a consequence of the Trump administration moving into place on January 20.

Rufus Gifford, the highly popular and openly gay US ambassador to Denmark, said goodbye in January after three and a half years in Copenhagen.

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Honestly

I don't care what you are!

Annemette is on the cover of this issue, beautifully wrapped in a rainbow flag. Being straight and deeply involved in Copenhagen’s LGBTQ community might be a fact — but a fact she would hesitate a bit to confirm. Why? Because boxes and labels really do not matter.

If you regularly frequent the gay bars in Copenhagen, like to watch drag shows or participate in Copenhagen Pride Week, chances are you have seen (or heard) our cover girl before.

Annemette is working behind the bar in My Fair Ladies, she is a member of the board of Copenhagen Pride and also one of our few male impersonators.

“I feel so lucky to be working at the best bar in town: My Fair Ladies. I love music, musicals, good atmosphere and the freedom to express yourself. Here I can jump around with weird hats while singing along with the guests and have a great time”, says Annemette who in recent years has become more and more involved in the LGBTQ community.

“Being a board member of Copenhagen Pride is very rewarding and I joined the pride to be part of organising one of the world’s best festivals and to try to make people stop putting labels on one another. Oh, and I also do drag. I am a drag king. I put on the occasional wig and beard and become this disgusting, alcoholic man called Bjarno, who is totally fun to play”.

The only straight in the village?

So how does a heterosexual girl suddenly find herself in the very centre of the LGBTQ community?

“Some years back I was doing this musical, and the gay colleagues - who went on to become friends of mine - dragged me around to every gay bar in town and I met so many wonderful people and immediately loved it. I have discovered that I share so many interests with the LGBTQ community and I love the relaxed atmosphere, not to mention the selfirony and sarcasm that I feel is an integral part of the community”, says Annemette who is also very passionate about putting an end to all the labelling and all the boxes: “People judge one another and tend to place each other inside boxes with labels on them in order to navigate. I wish we could remove these boxes and simply agree to meet each other openly. I never had a need to define myself and neither should you. Honestly, I don’t care what you are as long as you are fine and nice to others”, Annemette says.

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Photo: Khoukha

Joint Effort to Empower the LGBT+ Community in Tunisia The national Danish organisation LGBT Danmark is currently working closely with the Tunisian LGBT organisation to tackle homophobia and make life better for Tunisia’s LGBT+ population.

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Focus on MENA The Danish-Arab Partnership Programme (DAPP) is Denmark’s collaboration project with the Middle East and North Africa (MENA) focusing on reform and democratisation in the region. A part of this programme involves the Danish organisation LGBT Danmark working directly with organisations in the Middle East and North Africa to improve the situation for the LGBT+ communities.

Right now LGBT Danmark is working intensively in Tunisia with the local organisation Mawjoudin (meaning “We Exist”).

“Our main focus is to contribute to the reduction of all forms of stigmatisation and discrimination for LGBTIQ people in Tunisia and to work together to strengthen the LGBTIQ community in Tunisia through a joint, collaborative effort between Mawjoudin and LGBT Danmark” says Abir Boukornine who is from Tunisia but now residing in Copenhagen and working with LGBT Danmark.

Anal tests and jail Generally speaking the Middle East and North Africa is a region in which the LGBT communities are facing severe problems due to both social stigmatisation as well as laws criminalising homosexuality.

“Homophobia in Tunisia is practiced on a state and community level. Article 230 of the Tunisian penal code criminalises sodomy and lesbianism, which makes gay and bisexual men particularly vulnerable to state institutions, under the practice of the "anal test" and are likely to face up to three years of imprisonment. Non-heterosexual women on the other hand face

more pressure and violations on the level of the community; they are more likely to come under attack on the level of the community and the family, being pressured to conform to marriage and heterosexual life”, Abir Boukornine explains and continues: “For both young men and women, the punishment of not complying with family and community norms is that they are chased out of their homes and kicked out of school. There is a high fear of stigmatisation, which results in many LGBTIQ people hiding their true sexual orientation and gender identity and expression. The overall attitude towards non-conforming people is therefore leading to high degrees of self-denial and self-hatred by teenage, young and adult LGBTIQ persons”.

Working hand in hand One of the key elements to success will be for LGBT Danmark to listen very carefully to the local partner organisation in Tunisia.

“It is really important to mention that the main pillar of the programme is to work hand in hand with partners in the region, as they are the ones with the main knowledge on the needs and what needs to be done in their own countries. In our case we have been depending on the advice and feedback coming from our Tunisian partner, and our role is to support them on what they need us to do”, says Abir Boukornine from LGBT Danmark.

LGBT Danmark has previously been working with similar projects in both Tanzania and Uganda, and next stop after Tunisia will be Morocco.

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Homophobia Alive and Kicking in the Stadium Homophobia in sports is a recurring topic in the public debate in Denmark, and recent months have once again highlighted the fact that homophobic slur is far too common on the Danish soccer fields.

Footballer Mathias “Zanka” Jørgensen who plays for the Danish superliga club F.C. Copenhagen caused a positive stir in the media back in December when he brought up the subject of homophobia in the Danish football stadiums and asked why it seems common and broadly accepted to hear homophobic chants during soccer games.

“Why is it tolerated to hear a song - whether it is about me or other players - that goes: He is gay - allez, allez? There is nothing wrong with

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being homosexual. Why doesn’t anybody react to this? Just like racism this is something that is punishable by law. Racism is no worse than homophobia and it truly puzzles me why it is being accepted”, said Jørgensen who also wonders why it does not seem to come to anybody’s mind what is actually happening: “We have a crowded stadium in which everybody is singing a song that is abusive towards homosexuals. But I feel pretty sure that nobody leaves the stadium thinking that this was dis-

Footballer Mathias “Zanka” Jørgensen has brought back homophobia to the agenda.

crimination. So the question is really what is worse: To sing the song in the first place or not to realise what the singing is actually expressing? Apparently it is very accepted to discriminate homosexuals in a soccer stadium”, the 26-year old defender said in the interview which was originally published on stopracismen.dk.

In the wake of the interview Jørgensen was supported by Jeppe Curth, Head of the Danish Football Players' Association, who expressed his concerns in the matter: “We understand why some players might find it difficult to come out as gay and therefore choose to remain closeted as long as homophobia and similar discriminatory practices are as common as they are within the world of soccer”, Curth stated.

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Karen Ellemann, Minister for Equality and Nordic Co-operation, criticised the Danish Football Players' Association saying that their statement could encourage homosexual soccer players to not come out and underlined that the association needs to be ready to support all their members.

The Danish Football Players' Association responded to the criticism by emphasising that they do not encourage players to stay in the closet but still feel obligated to describe reality.

“Soccer players might have one of the most homophobic working environments you can find. Of course the Foot-

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ball Players' Association would never urge members to hide their sexuality, but at the same time we need to deal with reality as it is, and inform our players on the basis of this unfortunate reality. We are definitely not happy with this and that is why we fight to change it”, The Danish Football Players' Association said in a press statement.

LGBTQ organisations Pan Idræt and Copenhagen Pride are in continuous dialogue with F.C. Copenhagen and other relevant sports associations to find out what can be done to kick homophobia out of soccer - and sports in general - once and for all.

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THEME NIGHTS 2017

Jim Lyngvild removed from Holocaust memorial

A looped video of two men kissing each other has been an integral part of Berlin’s memorial to homosexual Holocaust victims since 2008. In early January the video sparked debate in Germany after a Danish tourist recognised one of the men in the video as openly gay Danish designer Jim Lyngvild and subsequently contacted Berlin’s queer magazine Siegessäule, letting them know that Lyngvild is a highly controversial figure in Denmark with views that by some are considered to be both racist, sexist and even homophobic.

The story quickly caught media attention in Berlin leading to the artist duo behind the memorial, Elmgreen & Dragset, distancing themselves from Lyngvild and recommending that the film be replaced.

“The public provocations made by one of the actors years after the movie was made are in sharp contrast to the intention of both the monument and the film. We do not know Jim Lyngvild personally and we want to dissociate ourselves in every way from the remarks made by him in recent years”,

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Elmgreen & Dragset said in an interview with Siegessäule.

A looped video of two men kissing each other has been an integral part of Berlin’s memorial to homosexual Holocaust victims since 2008. In early January the video sparked debate in Germany after a Danish tourist recognised one of the men in the video as openly gay Danish designer Jim Lyngvild and subsequently contacted Berlin’s queer magazine Siegessäule, letting them know that Lyngvild is a highly controversial figure in Denmark with views that by some are considered to be both racist, sexist and even homophobic.

The story quickly caught media attention in Berlin leading to the artist duo behind the memorial, Elmgreen & Dragset, distancing themselves from Lyngvild and recommending that the film be replaced.

Danish designer Jim Lyngvild can no longer be seen kissing another guy in the film looping in Berlin’s memorial to gay Holocaust victims.

The video was swapped on January 10 after a tourist tipped the foundation behind the memorial that Lyngvild is both racist, sexist and homophobic.

“The public provocations made by one of the actors years after the movie was made are in sharp contrast to the intention of both the monument and the film.

We do not know Jim Lyngvild personally and we want to dissociate ourselves in every way from the remarks made by him in recent years”, Elmgreen & Dragset said in an interview with Siegessäule.

Jim Lyngvild has for years been notorious in Denmark for his often controversial public outbursts in which gays have been ridiculed or referred to in degrading ways. Lyngvild was also fired as the host for Copenhagen Pride Show in 2013 due to homophobic slur and has publicly defended the right-wing Danish People’s Party and is a personal friend of the party’s co-founder Pia Kjærsgaard.

“This is just wonderful. It proves to me that some people, especially homosexual men, have a tendency to be the worst bitches when it comes to feeling persecuted and assuming the roles of victims. Why would my friendship with Pia Kjærsgaard make me a worse homosexual? And furthermore I find it both funny and very puzzling that I as a homosexual man am being accused of homophobia”, said Jim Lyngvild in an interview with Ekstra Bladet after the movie had been removed.

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Copenhagen Winter Pride Week - once again!

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Copenhagen Pride is once again serving a diverse and interesting programme for Winter Pride Week 2017 which goes down from 5. - 11. February.

Highlights include the American trans activist, motivational speaker and adult film producer Buck Angel, a chance to meet the people from Istanbul Pride and a huge pop party in Pumpehuset to finish off a week full of rainbow events.

Copenhagen Pride is ready to light up the darkness in every colour of the rainbow when Winter Pride for the third consecutive year goes down in the Danish capital with a broad selection of events that true to tradition remain mostly free to attend - except for the official Winter Pride Party in Pumpehuset on Saturday 11. February.

The full programme for Winter Pride Week can be picked up at your local gay bar or found online on copenhagenpride.dk and below we have handpicked some highlights that you can safely join and take part in even if you do not speak Danish.

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Meet Buck Angel in Studenterhuset on 6 February 2017; trans activist, pornstar, adult film producer and motivational speaker Buck Angel is in town for Winter Pride.

WINTER PRIDE PICKS Buck Angel - Sexing the Transman When: Monday February 6 from 17.00 - 20.00 Where: Studenterhuset, Købmagergade 52, 1150 Copenhagen Free entrance Movie premiere: Moonlight When: Monday February 6 from 20.00 - 22.00 Where: Empire Bio, Guldbergsgade 29 F, 2200 Copenhagen N Tickets 90 DKK on empirebio.dk Meet Istanbul Pride When: Thursday February 9 from 18.30 - 20.00 Where: Studenterhuset, Købmagergade 52, 1150 Copenhagen Free entrance Winter Pop - Official Winter Pride Party When: Saturday February 11 from 23.00 - 05.00 Where: Pumpehuset, Studiestræde 52, 1554 Copenhagen Tickets 150 DKK on billetto.dk or 175 DKK at the door

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Buck Angel in town Arguably one of the world’s most famous trans men, Buck Angel has both produced and starred in gay porn movies, toured the world as a motivational speaker coining the phrase "it's not what's between your legs that defines you”, launched a dating site for transgender men and recently even introduced a sex toy called Buck-off designed specifically for trans men. Buck Angel is in Copenhagen for Winter Pride Week and you can meet him in Studenterhuset on Monday 6. February where he will be present during a screening of his own documentary “Sexing the Transman” which explores the sexuality of transmen and the changes they experience as a result of their transitions from female to male. The film is followed by a Q&A with the audience about bodies, sexuality, transphobia, gender dysphoria and other relevant subjects that the documentary centers around.

Moonlight in Copenhagen If you feel like going to the cinema, Empire Bio in Nørrebro premieres the movie Moonlight during Winter Pride Week.

Moonlight is the tender, heartbreaking story of a young man’s struggle to find himself, told across three defining chapters in his life as he experiences the ecstasy, pain, and beauty of falling in love, while grappling with his own sexuality. The film received universal acclaim and is regarded as one of the best films of 2016.

climate seems to not be fertile ground for equality and inclusion. You also get the opportunity to ask your questions and share your thoughts during the Q&A session with members from Istanbul Pride Committee.

Meet Istanbul Pride In 2016 Istanbul Pride Parade was cancelled by the governor, officially out of safety concerns, and in 2015 paradegoers were met by the Turkish riot police with rubber pellets and a water cannon. On the occasion of Winter Pride organisers and activists from Istanbul Pride will be in Copenhagen to talk about the severe challenges they have been facing in recent years and how the future looks for Istanbul Pride and LGBTQ’s in general in a country which political

The theme this year is pop music, so expect anything from Cher to Mø and everything popalicious in between. Two dance floors with a line up including DJ Guy Ruben (US), Disturbing Business, DJ Entree and DragDaddy & The C.U.N.T. Collective should be your guarantee for a hot and happy night of Winter Pride partying.

Winter Pop! To finish off Winter Pride Week in style Copenhagen Pride is hosting the big, official Winter Pride Party in Pumpehuset on Saturday 11. February.

Tickets for the official Winter Pride Party can be bought on billetto.dk for 150 DKK or directly at the door for 175 DKK.

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GayGala Rainbow Awards in february February is the month in which the annual LGBTQ award shows take place in both Sweden and Denmark. While the Swedes call it GayGala and the Danes recently renamed theirs to the Danish Rainbow Awards the concept is the same: Celebrating the people, events, companies, organisations and cultural contributions that made a positive difference in the past year.

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GayGala in Stockholm On February 6 the QX GayGala takes place in Cirkus in Stockholm and is this year hosted by Swedish actress, singer and musical star Shima Niavarani.

The talented out and proud singer Oscar Zia from Malmö is nominated in the category LGB person of the year for his song “Human” which won second place in the national song contest in Sweden (Melodifestivalen) in 2016.

In the “Best Clubbing” category, Malmö’s legendary nightclub WONK is among the nominations. In 2016 WONK Malmö had RuPaul’s Drag Race stars such as Sharon Needles, Phi Phi O’Hara and Willam Belli on the line-up and once again managed to host one of the most amazing and horrifying Halloween parties in southern Sweden.

Right: Singer Bobo Moreno who will perform at the Danish Rainbow Awards — AXGIL Bottom: Singer Oscar Zia is nominated in the category LGB person of the year at GayGala

Malmö Opera’s highly praised production of Kinky Boots is also nominated in the “Stage” category.

Other categories in the Swedish GayGala include “Transperson of the Year”, “Hetero of the Year” and “Drag of the Year”.

Danish Rainbow Awards The Danish Rainbow Awards — AXGIL 2017 (Formerly knows as the Axgil Awards, named after Axel and Eigil Axgil who were the world’s first gay couple to enter into a registered partnership) will take place on Wednesday February 8 in Cirkusbygningen in Copenhagen.

This year’s hosts are Stine Bruun and Martin Knudsen and the show will feature performances by Bryan Rice, Bobo Moreno and Monique among others.

Among the nominated this year are organisations Amnesty International, Copenhagen Pride and Aarhus Pride, companies Elgiganten and TUI, performer Aupair Outrair and the monthly Danish LGBTQ magazine Out & About.

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Cocktails & Dreams A high-end female society in Copenhagen

So here is something you might not know yet. Every month more than 50 well-dressed women meet up to take over the exclusive bars of Copenhagen. The name is Cocktails & Dreams; a society inviting women who like women to enjoy each other's company over drinks and cocktails at some of the best bars in the Danish capital.

Cocktails & Dreams is turning 1 year, but prior to it there was another society named “Kvindeligt Cocktail Selskab (KCS)” founded by Britt Gadegaard.

“Britt and her planning group were looking for more women to get involved in planning the monthly events and a small group of us joined”, one of the women behind Cocktails & Dreams, Mette Axelsen, says.

Along the way Britt Gadegaard were on the lookout for new challenges. She decided to close KCS, and a new group of women took over the concept with a new name: Cocktails & Dreams.

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With over 230 members Cocktails & Dreams is popular among the ladies who are mainly between 30 – 60 years old. Once a month the society invite their followers to join them for a dressy night out in one of Copenhagen's high-end cocktail bars.

“From the very beginning the interest was overwhelming. When we launch a new event, it doesn’t take more than an hour or so until the event is fully booked and several have to join the waiting list”, Mette states and continues: “Depending on the bar’s maximum capacity we are around 50 to 100 women every time”.

Cocktails & Dreams have about one monthly event and charge 200 DKK for a membership for the first year and 50 DKK the following years - some of which are used for special events and surprise treats for the members.

The next Cocktails & Dreams event will be held at Library Bar opposite to Tivoli on 10 February followed by an event on 10 March.

For more information become a member of the group Cocktails & Dreams on Facebook.

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Who are we sending to Ukraine?

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The Eurovision Song Contest is hugely popular in Denmark and Sweden and in February and March the national selections take place on both sides. It is all about finding out who and which songs will represent Sweden and Denmark in the Eurovision Song Contest in the Ukrainian capital Kiev in May. And it IS a big thing.

Some refer openly to Eurovision as gay Christmas while others see it as a guilty pleasure that is best kept quiet.

And yes, there are also people who really do not like the glitter, camp and often questionable songwriting skills that are classic elements of the Eurovision Song Contest. Nevertheless it remains a concept that tends to gather a big part of the gay community around big tv screens both in bars and cafés as well as at home.

Dansk Melodi Grand Prix Denmark calls the national selections for “Dansk Melodi Grand Prix” and opposite to their Swedish neighbours the Danes only need one night to decide who will represent them in Kiev, Ukraine.

Photo: Sada Vidoo describes herself as a living doll and she will perform the song “Northern Lights” in the Danish Melodi Grand Prix 2017.

The Danish broadcaster DR is organising the Melodi Grand Prix 2017 which is being held in Herning in Jutland on 25 February and transmitted live on DR. 10 songs from 10 quite different artists have been selected by industry professionals and was revealed on January 19.

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While the Danish national selection does not have well-established names competing this year, one of the more interesting artists to look out for is Sada Vidoo who rose to fame in the British X Factor in 2016 with an audition that has now been seen by more than 2.5 million people on YouTube. Sada Vidoo describes herself as a living doll and she will perform the song “Northern Lights” in the Danish Melodi Grand Prix 2017.

In case you have not already been invited to a private Grand Prix party in Copenhagen, most of the gay bars in town will be showing the Melodi Grand Prix on big screens.

Loreen and Charlotte Perrelli are back In Sweden the national selections are called “Melodifestivalen” - or simply “Mello” - and it takes an impressive 6 shows in a periode of 5 weeks for the Swedes to decide which artist and song will get the honour of representing them in the Eurovision Song Contest.

On February 4 the first preliminary round will be held in Gothenburg and on February 11 the second preliminary round will take place in Malmö Arena. After two more preliminary rounds and a “second chance” the big national final is ready to go down on March 11 in Friends Arena in Stockholm.

This year the Swedish national selections include previous Eurovision winners Loreen and Charlotte Perrelli making Eurovision fans speculate that Sweden is going all in to once again win and bring the Eurovision Song Contest back on Swedish soil in 2018.

Loreen put most of Europe into a state of “Euphoria” in 2012 while Charlotte Perrelli gave Sweden a Eurovision victory back in 1999 with the song “Take Me to Your Heaven”.

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Right: Charlotte Perrelli won Eurovision in 1999 with the song "Take Me to Your Heaven".

Bottom: Loreen after her Eurovision victory with her song "Euphoria" in 2012

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34 Studenterhusets Festsal, Købmagergade 52, 1150 Copenhagen

American trans activist, pornstar, adult film producer and motivational speaker Buck Angel is in town for Winter Pride. Free entrance. In English.

MONDAY 06.02 / 17:00 - 20:00 Studenterhuset

Sexing the Transman

Pumpehuset, Studiestræde 52, 1554 Copenhagen

The Official Copenhagen Pride Winter Pride Party! Expect great pop music from the 70s, 80s, 90s and today - and get ready for a huge POP explosion!

11.02.2017 / 23:00 - 05:00 Pumpehuset

WINTER POP!

10 things to do

STAFF PICKS

PARTies Talks

Studenterhusets Festsal, Købmagergade 52, 1150 København K.

Meet members from Istanbul Pride who will talk about the challenges the LGBTQ community in general are facing in Turkey.

THURSDAY 09.02 / 18:30 - 20:00 Studenterhuset

Istanbul Pride

SLM Copenhagen, Lavendelstræde 17C, back bld., 1462 Copenhagen

Full Fetish Party - Winter Pride Edition - is a night in SLM where we go out in fetish, this evening is with strict dress code - no jockstrap or naked - so find your sexy fetish outfit.

SATURDAY 11.02 / 22:00 - 02:00 SLM Copenhagen

Full Fetish Party

Empire Bio, Guldbergsgade 29 F, 2200 Copenhagen N

Showtime

Empire Bio and MIX Copenhagen invites you to a screening of the 2016 movie “Moonlight”. A story of human self-discovery and connection, Moonlight chronicles the life of a young black man from childhood to adulthood as he struggles to find his place in the world.

Tickets: 90 DKK - at empirebio.dk

MONDAY 06.02 / 20:00 - 22:00 Empire Bio

MOONLIGHT

Cirkusbygningen, Jernbanegade 8, 1608 Copenhagen

The annual LGBTQ award show. The evening will gather lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer – and even some straight celebrities.

Tickets: 295 DKK on ticketmaster.dk

WEDNESDAY 08.02 / 20:00 - 23:00 Cirkusbygningen

DANISH RAINBOW AWARDS

Bøssehuset, Mælkevejen 69 D, Christiania, 1440 Copenhagen

FRIDAY 10.02 / 20:00 - 23:30 Bøssehuset Musician and satirist Karina Willumsen is playing live in Bøssehuset (the Gay House) in Christiania. Tickets are bought at the door. Entrance: 95 DKK .

KARINA WILLUMSEN Concerts Movies

In cinemas in Copenhagen and Malmö from February 16.

The story of three women who explore love and freedom in Southern California during the late 1970s. Oh and did we mention that the female lead is the amazing Annette Bening?

FROM 16.02 Copenhagen and Malmö

20th Century Women

Malmö Opera, Östra Rönneholmsvägen 20, 211 47 Malmö

Kinky Boots is a musical with music by Cyndi Lauper and a book

by Harvey Fierstein. Based on the 2005 film of the same name, the Swedish adaption is nominated for a QX Gay award.

SATURDAY & SUNDAY 04 + 05.02 / 23:30 - 04:00 Malmö Opera

KINKY BOOTS

VEGA, Enghavevej 40, 1674 Copenhagen

The British hard rock group is still going strong and is performing in Copenhagen this month.

Tickets are sold out, but you can join the waiting list.

SUNDAY 26.02 / 20:00 VEGA

Skunk Anansie

Opinion

Tanya and Robin are our new dynamic writing duo and in every issue of Homotropolis they will zoom in on current trans issues in Denmark.

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Denmark through the eyes of a transgender couple 2016 and the beginning of 2017 have been interesting times for transgender people in Denmark. Last summer the parliament agreed to remove transsexuality from the mental illness list, where we had resided beside kleptomaniacs and pyromaniacs since the category’s inception in 1980. Instead being a transgender person is now, in medical terms, seen as a natural variance in the human form. In other words, we have gone from being seen as “disordered” to simply being. All of this stems from a lot of work done by a group of Danish transgender activists with the help of Amnesty International.

In December of 2016 we even received a human rights award for this work, possibly the first such award given to such a large and diverse group. At least the ceremony was held in a room barely big enough to accommodate us all along with the few handfuls of friends and family that had joined to celebrate us. The press was notably absent from the event. A few folks shot pictures, and a few interviews were carried out, but if you looked at the media the following days, by and large, it was as if nothing had happened that afternoon at all.

This great feeling of anti-climax resounds when we look at our treatment in the healthcare system. Not much has changed for those of us seeking medical interventions such as hormone therapy or reassignment surgeries. Some of us still need help from the medical community in order to live normal, happy lives, and as such we are still given a medical diagnosis, mentioned alongside other people seeking medical help for “normal” conditions such as pregnancy.

And even after the diagnosis change we are all still handled by the Copenhagen Psychiatry Department, specifically the

Sexological Clinic at Rigshospitalet in Copenhagen, a place that, besides us, handles rapists and pedophiles. The treatment is also the same as it used to be: Endless interviews and questionnaires with questions like “Do you think of your parents when you masturbate?”, “How often do you masturbate, “Are there known homosexual people in your family? If so who?”, “Rate on a scale from 1 to 5 how you feel about your eyes”. Apparently all questions that these doctors see as necessary to figure out if a natural variation is worthy of their help. It makes me wonder what kind of questions these particular doctors would ask a pregnant person or anyone else listed besides us on the natural variance list, like childless couples seeking help to become pregnant.

The threatening monopoly In a situation much like today, back in 2014, we got legal gender change and we could suddenly change our papers without the big stamp from Sexological Clinic, they made a move that many of us saw as retaliation for losing that power over our lives. They answered back by restricting access to healthcare for us. They created a new standards-ofcare that states, in a round-about way, that the doctors at Sexological Clinic have all the power. That they can solely decide on the treatment for any and all transgender persons in Denmark and that it is illegal for other doctors to help us. They underlined this by very publicly threatening the handful of doctors, gynecologists, and endocrinologists who cared for transgender people. A part of this document however, was a call for review of its own efficacy scheduled for the end of 2016. It seems increasingly like their response to our removal from the psychiatric list of disorders has been to deny that review. We are still waiting, and Sexological Clinic is silent on the subject.

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Are there known

homosexual people in your family?

But why would they deny reviewing their own practices in this way? If the did an actual scientific review of their own process they would have to realize that they are actually the greatest threat to trans people’s health in Denmark. If the paper they released this spring is any indication they awarded one of their psychiatrists with a Ph.D. for a paper than can only be described as sub-par. The work basically stands against all notions of the scientific method, including but not limited to cherry-picked results, too small of a sample group to make any conclusions, speculations, a mismatch of correlation and causation, and last but not least a huge conflict of interest. The psychiatrist had chosen a small sample of transgender people all of whom had been treated by Sexological Clinic and used them as the sole basis of her findings, she even noted herself that she didn’t use a control group to verify her findings. Her conclusion was that transgender people kill ourselves with or without treatment. It was hailed as the first study on transgender people in Denmark in 30 years, but really was just Sexological Clinic trying to hide the fact that they are the greatest threat to transgender health in Denmark. It is an uphill battle for us in Denmark to get proper healthcare when the very people who are supposed to provide it also have a monopoly on studying us and can get away with making conclusions that are contrary to actual science done abroad. They seem to be under the impression that the less that is spoken about their activities the more likely they can continue. Hence denying reviewing their own practices can be seen as retaliation against us again for going around and above them to get legislation changed again. We get legal changes, and as a result they refuse to change their dangerous healthcare practices.

Media still misgendering Unlike the meager press attendance at the human rights ceremony in December there has been a lot of press coverage about P. Linnet, the adoptive child of rock singer-songwriter Anne Linnet, who came out publicly as transgender in December. As usual when a known person comes out as transgender, the media have a tendency to sensationalize. It is no surprise that this happened when P. Linnet came out, either. The sad practice of misgendering, that is, labeling a transgender person the wrong gender, the gender we were assigned not the gender we are, and deadnaming, the equally sad practice of calling transgender people by our old name, thereby refusing to acknowledge our existence as ourselves, claiming to know better than the trans person in question who we are, is something that has gone on for a very long time. P Linnet got her share of it across the media. It is disheartening to see that we haven’t gotten any further with regards to reporting stories on transgender people, and heartbreaking that even LGBT media keeps this up.

It isn’t the first time we have criticized the media for this practice, and sadly it seems it won’t be the last. As bad as it is that even LGBT media, who all have access to transgender people, either directly via personal connections or at the very least through social media, still misgender and deadname us, the reactions to our criticism is in some cases even worse. In particular, one publication chose to respond to a number of people criticizing their misgendering of P. Linnet by their public insistence that they feel entitled to misgender and dead-name us. That they “don’t agree with transgender people” when we say we are what we say, as if we are somehow little more than an opinion to be bantered about, not real people at all.

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Transphobia gets a nomination Correctly gendering transgender people and showing basic human decency towards us when reporting isn’t an optional extra. Transgender is a descriptive adjective, like left-handed, red-haired, black, or Jewish, it specifies something about us. You wouldn’t question a left-handed woman on the legality of her womanhood or decide that you wouldn’t call her by her name, so don’t do that to a transgender woman either. Besides the common decency it is also very hurtful to us to be misgendered and dead-named. It reminds us that we are not accepted just as it enforces the denial by reminding others that acceptance is not a right we posses, but rather a choice you make.

Misgendering and blatant transphobia isn’t anything new to yearly LGBT “Axgil” Awards either, where traditional transphobic jokes fly over the stage each year. For an LGBT show that prides itself of being for all LGBT people, it has always felt strange that they’d continue this practice year after year. Here in 2017 however, they have outdone themselves by allowing a nomination in the category “People or organizations who have helped to create a better world for LGBT people in sports.” to a professional football player, Mads Timm, whose great achievement was writing a horribly transphobic and misogynistic article about his visit to a transgender sexworker. Even in the nomination text they manage to misgender the woman in question.

We are in a fight for our lives, for the right to participate in society on equal terms and for our rights to healthcare, the rights to our own bodies and to pursue our own happiness. We have gotten a few steps ahead in 2016, but the bulk of the fighting is still ahead of us. We wish to have the same access to healthcare as everyone else, to leave the clutches of Sexological Clinic and have the right to informed consent and the free choice of doctors that everyone else has. Part of this fight is to get all media outlets to stop misgendering us and start writing newsworthy stories about us instead of sensationalizing our transitions and mystifying our lives.

Do you think of your

parents when you masturbate?

Lunching and dining at café Petersborg

café Petersborg offers a selection of traditional danish dishes at affordable prices.

We´re looking forward to serving you a delicious meal in one of copenhagen’s oldest restaurants. see our menu and opening hours at www.cafe-petersborg.dk.

café Petersborg | bredgade 76 | 1260 København | 3312 5016

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Around the world USA / Big Boo is back on the market Photo: Instagram

IRELAND / ban on blood donation by gay men lifted Irish men who have sex with men can now donate blood when abstaining from sex for 1 year.

It is a lifetime ban on blood donations from MSM that have been lifted in Ireland.

Orange Is the New Black star Lea DeLaria has announced that she and her girlfriend Chelsea Fairless have broken up and cancelled their engagement. The break-up was “amicable” and posted on Instagram: "realleadelaria: Apparently this was an eerily prophetic choice of engagement photo as our relationship has since gone the way of David and Liza, with one small exception: our split is amicable. Please exclude us from the tragic and basic celebrity breakup narrative. We were happy together for four years and will remain in each other's lives. In fact, we look forward to finding new ways to torture each other. We would like to thank our incredible friends and families for their love and support - xoxo Lea & @female_trouble"

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USA / White House LGBT page removed after Trump swearing in Not long after Donald Trump’s took over the presidential seat at the White House the LGBT page highlighting progress made under the Barack Obama Administration in terms of LGBTQ rights was shut down.

The page highlighted LGBT victories such as same-sex marriage becoming legal and the end of the military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy.

Donald Trump has underlined that he will end a number of Obama's executive orders and is not supporting same-sex marriage.

SWEDEN / Gay teen at risk of deportation

China / Developer Sees opportunities in Gay Gamers

A gay teenager currently resided in Sweden is risking deportation because the Swedish Migration Board and the Migration Court don't believe he is gay.

His name is Franco Kaodimuo. He fled to Sweden from Nigeria in 2015, after his boyfriend died.

Photo: Star-G

Nigeria has strict laws against sodomy.

The Chinese gaming company, Star-G, is working on a new smartphone game targeting the LGBTQ segment.

The working title for the game is Rainbow Town and while it includes it's fair share of hunks in small boxers it is all part of the 'pink dollar' movement that China is currently experiencing.

IRAQ / ISIS throwS supposed gay man off building 2017 was kicked off with Islamic State killing a supposed gay man in their fight against homosexuality.

Execution photos of a man ISIS claims to be homosexual have been released by the general media. They show the ‘hisbah’ (religious police) throwing a man off a building. He was accused of sodomy in Mosul, Iraq.

According to Islamic State homosexual people are ‘worst of creatures’ and many LGBTQ people have been murdered due to their sexual orientation or gender identity.

AUStralia / Religious leaders express SUPPORT FOR MARRIAGE EQUALITY Leaders from faith organizations across Australia have shown their support for same-sex marriage.

As part of their support the faith leaders have made a National Joint Statement that supports Civil Marriage Equality mentioning that people of faith support civil marriage equality.

The Australian Senate Inquiry are considering planned amendments that are to include exemptions for religious ministers.

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Malmö Opera makes toilets

gender neutral Malmö Opera has recently introduced a gender neutral bathroom in order to make sure that everyone can feel safe and comfortable when nature calls.

Malmö Opera has had drag queens and high heels on stage since autumn in their critically acclaimed production of the musical “Kinky Boots”, and the gender bending show seems to have inspired the management to make sure that even the bathrooms in the building send out a clear message of inclusion.

gendered bathrooms might be easy to convert into gender-neutral ones the bigger challenge is how to make society more inclusive.

“We thought it was about time. This is something that is already coming our way and we saw no reason to wait any longer”, said Torgny Nilsson, Press Manager at Malmö Opera, in an interview with Sydsvenskan.

have also begun introducing these, the decision was easy to make.

A member of the Malmö Opera choir suggested the gender neutral bathroom to the management and after learning that several Swedish hospitals

The gender neutral bathroom in Malmö Opera used to be a women’s bathroom, and all it took was basically a new sign on the door. But while

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Photo: Werner Nystrand

“Right now the subject of how we react to people and treat people who do not conform into the traditional binary genders are broadly discussed”, said Nilsson and stated that the choice of putting “Kinky Boots” on stage was also a result of the topical issues of gender and identity.

Malmö Opera is not the only Malmö institution that is opening up their doors to welcome non-binary people. Ribersborg bath at the Ribersborg beach in central Malmö will provide gender neutral changing facilities beginning next year.

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39 10 16 10 Søborg Hovedgade 28, 2870 Dyssegård - 2870@estate.dk www.estate.dk 43

History Lesson

When the Swedish homosexuals stopped being sick Back in 1979 homosexuality was still classified as a mental illness in Sweden, but an occupation of the National Board of Health and Welfare, organised by RFSL - the Swedish Federation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights - changed history.

The Swedish Federation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights - most commonly referred to as RFSL - was officially founded in 1952 after having been a Swedish branch of The Danish Federation of 1948 (later LGBT Danmark) since 1950.

Although homosexuality was legalised in Sweden back in 1944 it was still classified as a mental illness within the health system 25 years later, and during the summer of 1979 RFSL decided to take matters into their own hands.

I can’t work today, I feel gay A small group of activists from RFSL, including novelist and playwright Jonas Gardell (author of “Don't Ever Wipe Tears Without Gloves”), occupied the staircase inside the National Board of Health and Welfare in August 1979 in order to push for a change. The number of LGBT activists grew steadily day by day and they demanded to speak to the new director-general of Social Security, Barbro Westerholm, and convince her to declassify homosexuality as a mental illness.

The activists from RFSL were ready to keep occupying the National Board of Health and Welfare for a full week, and since they could not go to work in the meantime they had to protect their jobs by phoning Social Security. So they did. Some of the RFSL members famously called in sick, claiming they were unable to work because they felt very homosexual. One lesbian woman allegedly even managed to get sick benefits from Social Security on this basis.

The removal By late August 1979 the number of activists had grown to somewhere between 30 and 40 people and on August 29 the group was greeted by the new director-general of Social Security, Barbro Westerholm, who had a fruitful conversation with the activists during which she expressed her surprise upon learning that being gay or lesbian was still classified as a mental illness and she announced that the classification would be removed as soon as possible.

On October 19, 1979 homosexuality was no longer a mental illness in Sweden and the country went on to become one of the most progressive in the world when it comes to LGBT legislation.

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Behind the curtains In every issue of Homotropolis we hand the pen over to a person who feels like sharing a personal or private story from the real world. It can be a confession, a complaint, an unspoken truth or a story that simply takes our readers behind the curtains of LGBTQ+ life.

Feel like contributing?

Write us on crew@homotropolis.com

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The Strength to be Myself A story about growing up gay in a Conservative Christian Family Robert grew up in a conservative Christian family in the southern United States and is currently residing in Copenhagen. He is gay and is today living his own life guided by his own compass. But it was not always like that. Here is his story - told by himself.

By Robert Davis

I have always known that I am gay. Ever since I knew anything about sexuality and attraction, and even before that, I knew that who I was and who I wanted to be. I’ve always known what I wanted out of life and I never felt an ounce of shame or disgust or anxiety towards myself for the attraction I began to feel when I was ten years old. I have always been sure of myself and confident even in those awkward middle school years when no one could possibly be cool even if they think they are. However, even in my confidence, as I grew up I knew that I would have to keep my true self a secret. I was pretty well liked by most people throughout school and while growing up I was lucky to never have any issues with bullying or verbal slurs. Many people hear me talk about growing up in a conservative Christian family and would probably think that they are the first reason why I chose not to come out early, but in all honesty that was only a small part of the reason. Back then I mostly chose to hide the truth simply because I didn’t know that being attracted to other guys was even an option. I grew up in a conservative city in the southern United States and went to a small private school from kindergarten up through high school. The school didn’t really teach much about alternative lifestyles and was not incredibly diverse. Over the course of growing up I never even experienced or met another gay person until my third year of high school. I was quite sheltered from most of the realities of the world for a majority of my life.

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It wasn’t until high school that I started coming to terms with the fact that the feelings I felt had a name and that was called being gay. Suddenly I realized that the feelings I have always had were the subject of ridicule amongst my peers and the subject of damning sermons at the church my family regularly attended ever since I was born. I was suddenly scared because of who I was and wanted the feelings to go away. I started dating girls my first year of high school and tried very hard to suppress the feelings that I had always felt.

It was incredibly frustrating to try so hard to change and like girls to no avail. My parents had always taught me to be a hard worker and to not give up on things that I wanted to accomplish, but no matter how much I tried, even if I really cared for the girl I was dating, nothing ever elicited any sort of actual attraction. I was so frustrated with myself especially since deep down it wasn’t even what I really wanted.

My confidence in who I really was ended up being stronger than my attempts to suffocate myself and become someone who I wasn’t. I began giving myself an outlet through the arts. I discovered I enjoyed singing and acting in my high school’s plays. It gave me an opportunity to perform in front of others and entertain them, an opportunity to show them I could be anyone I wanted to be with ease and finesse. It was an outlet, and it was a cover up. Just in the same way dating girls was a cover up.

When I was seventeen, my small private school world was split wide open to the things outside when I was introduced to Kevin. My friend Sean, who I knew from my church, went to the big public school down the road and thought that Kevin and I would get along so he introduced us. I was dating a girl at the time, but when I met Kevin I thought he was the most handsome and charming guy I had ever seen. His smile was radiant, he had a great laugh and sense of humor, and he was warm and kind. I was immediately very attracted to him in a way that I had never felt for any of the girls I had dated. Slowly, carefully and surely I began to let him know that I was interested in him.

When we finally got the chance to first be alone together we were driving in my car. I looked at him and smiled, excited to finally have a moment without being surrounded by all our straight friends. His hand touched my hand and a wave came over me like I had never ever experienced. I knew that it was a feeling that was totally right, and totally natural.

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From that night on we began seeing and texting each other in secret, knowing that our friends would out us to our parents if they found out about us, which is something that absolutely could not happen coming from a religious family.

After spending more time together I began to fall completely head over heels for him. It was a feeling that I had never known before. Even to this day nearly seven years later, I know that what I felt for him was true love and not just some high school fling. I wanted to do and see everything in the world with him. I wanted to spend all my time with him and build a long and healthy relationship together. I wanted to become a better person for him and that’s exactly what happened. He helped bring me out of my shell and to see the world differently. I was so relaxed around him and I know that he helped me grow into the person I am today. It was really an incredible time that neither of us wanted to end.

Unfortunately for the two of us, it all came crashing down six months later when Kevin’s mom found his laptop and read the messages we had been sending. She forbid him from seeing me again, made him call me and break up with me, and threatened to call the police if I ever contacted him again. I’ll never forget what it sounded like hearing his voice shake and tell me it was over while she was yelling in the background. It devastated me. He was everything to me and we were ripped apart for no reason other than a parent’s fear and ignorance. I felt sick and couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks.

I didn’t hear from him and had no idea what he was going through. I had never felt so empty and completely helpless.

I couldn’t even turn to my own parents for advice so I felt completely alone. But little did I know that the worst was on its way and I had no idea how bad it could really get. Several weeks later his mom decided to send my parents a letter telling them everything and sent copies of all the messages we had sent to each other.

It was a dark time for my family. My parents were completely blindsided by the letter and I was horrified that Kevin’s mother would go out of her way to send those messages to my parents. My parents reacted rather aggressively. In a total fit of rage my father told me that he would rather kill both himself and me than have a gay son and that the only reason I didn’t already have a bullet in me was because it would destroy my mother to lose both of us. He told me that if I was going to continue to “choose” this path that I would be

�

He was everything to me and we were ripped apart for no reason other than a parent’s fear and ignorance.

49

Through all of these harsh times, something that was hard for me is that I still believed in most of what the Bible said. I maintained my faith to a certain extent and prayed that God would show my parents that who I am is not a sin and that it isn’t wrong. However, the constant slurs and hate that I saw while growing up in the southern United States came almost solely from those who claimed to be “morally upright�

Christians which was what inevitably pushed me away from the church and from my faith.

After they found everything out, my parents sent me to a Christian psychologist who then tried to convince me that if I simply changed my thoughts I could change my actions and that I would be able to become straight. I knew then that there would be nothing I could do to survive those experiences except push my feelings back down until I could be independent from my parents. I had to play the part and be who they wanted me to be in order to someday be able to live the life I truly wanted to live. I knew then that I would do

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anything and everything I could to experience those feelings I had, the feelings of true love, even if it meant lying to protect myself and even if it meant that one day I might lose my family due to their inability to see another point of view outside of their strict religious beliefs. If having true love again someday meant putting up a wall for years and hiding who I am from my parents, then that is what I would do. And so I did. I constructed a huge, complex web of lies around myself as a way of keeping me safe from my parents. I told them I was dating girls again, I went to church regularly, and I stopped talking to my gay friends in high school even though it hurt me to push them away. I did everything I could to appear straight. I worked hard in high school so that I could go away to college, which would be my first small grasp at freedom, and I essentially lived a double-life. I was one person on the outside, and my true self on the inside. I was so motivated to find the life I was really supposed to live. I never for a second took my eyes off of that long-term goal, no matter how hard it was to hide my feelings from everyone.

I constructed a huge, complex web of lies around myself as a way of keeping me safe from my parents. disowned from the family, all ties cut, written out of his final will and kicked out of the house. I was only seventeen years old and I was terrified for my life, my safety, and my future. I knew that if I was going to make it through alive I would have to be smart and not reactionary. I had to forgo my feelings in order to save myself. I knew that there was no option but to be exactly who they wanted me to be, at least on the surface, or else I would end up like the countless youth in the United States who are thrown out of their parent’s homes and become homeless because they are gay. I had no one in my family to turn to since they all held the same conservative beliefs, but I was determined that I would not end up like one of those kids. Statistically LGBT youth in the US have a much higher rate of suicide, but there was no way that would be an option for me. I was strong enough to know who I was and that through the darkest and hardest times if I had no one else, I would still have myself to rely on. Even to this day I consider myself extremely lucky to have been strong in the wake of the events that happened and that I did not attempt suicide even in the lowest depths of depression, fear, and loneliness. So many countless others have lost that battle and I am forever thankful that I made it through the worst.

August of 2011 arrived. I finally finished unpacking all of my things. I kissed my parents and both of my brothers goodbye and promised that I would call them soon. The door closed behind me and I literally jumped into the air and danced around the room. I was so happy. I had made it out safely. I had finally made it to college and it was a breath of fresh air. I was far enough away from home that I didn’t know anyone and I could make a fresh start and be exactly who I was meant to be.

For the first time I allowed myself to be truthful with everyone I met and I started to make some of the closest and most dear friends that I will ever have. I met my wonderful friend Jane and she stood by me through my entire time at college.

She is a strong, but quiet woman who stands up for the ones she loves and what she believes, and I was lucky enough to find myself calling her my closest friend. We were practically inseparable and I was comfortable enough to tell her where I had come from and the terrible things I experienced in high school. She stood by me and protected me from my parents throughout college. She constantly assured me that I was a good person with a good heart and that the person who I was wasn’t something wrong or sinful. None of my friends at college were devout Christians, but they were some of the most kind, welcoming and understanding people I have ever met. Because of my friends, their loving parents, and the accepting community at my university, I found happiness and felt truly at home for the first time in my life. It was the first time since my parents had found out about me that I felt safe. I was able to walk around my college campus and laugh and talk freely and not worry about what anyone thought about me.

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I managed to fake it well enough that they believed I was straight, but I knew eventually I would have to stop lying to them.

Regardless of being away from my parents and even though college was a huge break from how sheltered and controlled I felt at home, there was always the lingering fear that my parents would find something out about me even though they were over 450 kilometers away. I spent four years at college looking over my shoulder making sure I was safe. My father even used threats of hiring someone to follow me and see if I was “living the right way” while I was away. There was a constant cloud that hung over my college experience.

It affected my friendships and it affected my relationships. I was finally at a point when I could date guys freely and even then the fear my parents had put into me was still causing me anxiety and stress that affected both me and the people around me. I was constantly wrapped up in secrets. I found myself lying to my friends at college whom I cared a lot about and who had shown nothing but love for me. I was stuck in a mindset of secrecy that had been set in motion by the fear I had for my parents. It was a difficult thing to break out of, but eventually I realized that the people who I held close to me at college weren’t like my parents at all. They would never hurt me and they would continue to love me for who I am no matter what.

Right after the incident with Kevin happened in high school I made a vow to myself that once I became financially independent from my parents I would be free and I could finally come out to them once and for all. I knew that once I had finished college I would be able to get a good job somewhere far from home and I wouldn’t have to lean on them for financial support. I would be able to live my life totally free.

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It took a lot of patience in college to endure their constant questioning. They would regularly ask me if I was gay and if I was pursuing “that lifestyle.” I managed to fake it well enough that they believed I was straight, but I knew eventually I would have to stop lying to them. Not only does it hurt to have to lie to your own parents, but it is such an exhausting thing to do. I constantly had to be sure I always covered my tracks, which was hard enough. Not having a parent to talk to about relationships was even harder. I was surrounded by other LGBT youth in college who were just as scared to come out to their parents as I was, and one by one they all came out and had the same happy ending. I watched as each of them came out and found nothing but love and acceptance and happiness from their parents. I yearned for that so badly, but I knew it was something I could never have. I would have to keep lying until the day I could be truly independent and I could finally tell them the truth.

Fast-forward to five years later and I found my wildest dreams coming true. After working hard to get into a good college and to do well in my studies in architecture, I found myself boarding a flight to Copenhagen. I had been to Denmark once before, three years ago, to study for the summer and I totally fell in love with everything about Copenhagen and Denmark.

Upon returning from my studies I spent almost every day talking about Denmark and how amazing it is. I talked all the time about going back and even though it was a big dream of mine, I knew how difficult it would be if I wanted to actually move here.

Some might be surprised that it wasn’t just the liberal atmosphere and acceptance of gay people that drew me back to Denmark, but more the dedication to people and community and design. Denmark is by no means a perfect place, but when I first came here I identified and related much more closely to the way Danish people live their lives than the way Americans live. Here in Copenhagen I felt a sense of belonging and while Danes might be quite a reserved people, they were always friendly and welcoming. I saw in Denmark how a society could come together and agree on things that benefitted everyone and not just a few. That commitment to everyone having a good life was what brought me

back, and the fact that it is a liberal and open country is just icing on the delightful drømmekage that is Denmark. I have found the gay scene here to be quite different than the one in the United States. It’s not necessarily better or worse, but just different, and there is something here for everyone. I’ve met so many different types of people here and every one of them have been fantastic to talk to and share ideas about life and religion. I have found a comfort here that I never quite found at home.

We are all individuals. We each have hopes and dreams and a vision for how we want to live our lives. Sometimes those hopes are different from what other people want, and sometimes others may think the way you are living is wrong. The fact of it all is that you are allowed to live your life however is best for you. It doesn’t have to be perfect for anyone else as long as it is for you. And the best part is that even though we are living different lifestyles, it’s totally ok as long as each of us is happy and secure in ourselves. We can be happy for others even if we disagree with how they live. As long as we maintain respect for each other and acknowledge that we are in fact individuals, each of us with our own dreams, our own hopes, and our own compass guiding us through life.

As for my parents, even now we are still facing a difficult time. They are not as happy as I am that I live in Denmark.

They know how liberal and open the country is and think that it is not healthy for me to be in such an environment.

They think that even though the Danes are happy that they are lost without religion and that I should be worried for my future and my faith. They now know everything about me and have had a very hard time coming around. Just days before leaving for Denmark last June my father approached me. He surprised me and told me that he knew everything.

He told me that he had found out I was lying to them about being straight all through college and refused to tell me how he found out, but I didn’t even care. I was so tired of lying to them that it was a relief for them to finally know the truth.

I wish I could have told my parents on my own terms, but I had to work with the situation I was given. This time the conversation was different. He was calm and level headed and told me that he had no idea who I am. The truth is, he doesn’t and he was the reason I put up a wall in the first place.

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We’ve been slowly attempting to heal our relationship ever since. They told me this Christmas in a very calm tone that it is something they will never support and that it is as much a sin to them as alcoholism or drug abuse. They told me that they still love me and that they always will, but that they could not and would not support me while I lived my life the way I do. This is so much progress considering the point we were at just 6 years ago. The worst part is that they have no idea how I really live; they just have unjustified fears and ideas that I’m here in Denmark living some destructive lifestyle. But I know that as long as they don’t reach out to me to try and bridge the gap that we have between us, they will never really know who I am. It definitely hurts not having your parents close because of their faith, but I have to accept their beliefs just the same way I want them to accept mine. I have chosen to be the strong one in this situation and to forgive them for how badly they hurt me in high school. I told them how sorry I was for lying all of those years and that I wish it hadn’t been that way. I told them that I am willing to read the Bible and try to see where they are coming from as long as they are willing to step out of their own shoes and see

the world from alternative and secular points of view. Now we only talk every so often, and even though our conversations are rare, we still know how much we love each other no matter what our differences are. Ever since college I began to realize an important fact about life. It is something someone once told me, and it has stuck with me ever since: We are all individuals. We each have hopes and dreams and a vision for how we want to live our lives. Sometimes those hopes are different from what other people want, and sometimes others may think the way you are living is wrong. The fact of it all is that you are allowed to live your life however is best for you. It doesn’t have to be perfect for anyone else as long as it is for you. And the best part is that even though we are living different lifestyles, it’s totally ok as long as each of us is happy and secure in ourselves. We can be happy for others even if we disagree with how they live. As long as we maintain respect for each other and acknowledge that we are in fact individuals, each of us with our own dreams, our own hopes, and our own compass guiding us through life.

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