RAISING GOOD Communicators

By Linda Ligon, Family & Kids

The ability to communicate well with others is an essential life skill that kids need to start learning at an early age. Like other skills, communication skills are developed through hard work and practice. Here are some tips on teaching your child good communication skills and how to help your child practice them

Teach Kids Empathy Teach respect for other's opinions

A good communicator listens and displays empathy toward the person that he is communicating with. Help your child practice understanding what others are feeling by listening carefully to what they are saying. For example, if your child’s friend is upset due to losing his ball game, ask your child how he would feel if he had practiced hard but still lost. Ask your child what he thinks an empathetic response to his friend would be. Role-playing is a good way to help your child practice keeping an open mind and using empathy to understand the perspective of others.

Model empathy when you communicate with others. Your child will learn to display empathy by observing you and then can apply what he learns when the opportunity arises. Also, displaying empathy in conversations with your child keeps the lines of communication open. He knows he can approach you to share thoughts and feelings and you will take the time to understand how he feels.

Teach your child to take turns

To communicate well, those participating in the conversation need to take turns speaking. Waiting patiently for a turn to speak is difficult for some children. If your child is having trouble waiting his turn, help him practice by using an object that, if he possesses it, gives him a turn to speak while everyone else shows respect and listens attentively. When communicating with a teenager, ensure you are doing a good job of modeling this. Your teenager will stop trying to have a conversation with you if you do not give him an opportunity to express himself and he does not feel respected.

Older kids and teenagers are starting to define themselves as individuals. Even if you disagree with your child’s opinion, avoid interrupting him to launch into a critique of his point of view. It is fine to let him hold his own opinion. If the topic of a conversation is a household boundary that is essential for your child’s safety, use ‘I’ statements to communicate that the boundary cannot be changed. You could say, ‘I know how you must feel, but due to safety concerns, I cannot change the time you must be home on Friday night.’

Teach importance of body language

No matter what words you speak, if your body language does not match your words, the other people involved in your conversation may conclude that you do not mean what you are saying. Teach your kids to make good eye contact and to stand in a position that does not suggest impatience or hostility. For example, standing with your arms crossed can send a subconscious message that you are in a defensive mode and are not truly open to listening to what the other person has to say. Teach your child to make eye contact with the person he is speaking with and to use gestures, such as nodding occasionally, that indicate he is listening. Some teens may be so used to communicating with other teens through texting that they do not know how to use proper body language. Use role-playing to help your teen practice looking at the other person, not his phone, and use relaxed, friendly body language.