Telling versusTeaching

By Linda Ligon, Family & Kids

When correcting misbehaviors, parents often feel frustrated. The kids were told just yesterday not to leave their toys all over the floor, yet this afternoon you are having to make your way through a toy obstacle course, and later, when you take them to the store, your preschooler tries to take off without you despite you telling her to stay with you. When kids seem to stop listening, the first step is to take a closer look at the methods you use to communicate expectations.

Your expectation may not be understood

If the explanation behind a household rule is simply ‘Because I am the parent and that is my rule and if do not follow it you are in trouble’, you may be inviting a power struggle. Your child may start to feel that you are creating rules because you want to exercise your authority. To increase compliance with household rules and boundaries, try teaching your child why you have put the boundary in place. For example, you could teach your child that picking up his favorite toys keeps them from getting broken or lost and keeps his play area safe and tidy. Your child will then understand that you are putting your rule in place because you care about his safety and are trying to teach him how to properly care for his play area and its contents. Ask questions like ‘How would you feel if I stepped on your toy and broke it or if you left your toy on the floor and someone hurt their foot on it?’

Provide gentle reminders of your expectations

If you know you are entering a situation where you are likely to encounter misbehavior, it is a good idea to provide a gentle reminder of your expectations ahead of time. For example, if you are about to enter the library for story time, you might want to discuss with your child why he should not run around in the library (he might get hurt or hurt someone or might be asked to leave because he is disturbing others). Ask him how he would feel if someone was yelling and running when he was trying to listen to the story and he could not enjoy it.

By engaging your child in a discussion, you are helping to teach him to understand the reason behind the expectation. When you see your child use what you have taught to make a good decision, praise him for it. This positive reinforcement will hopefully keep him moving in the right direction. Your child will not always have you there to guide him and you want to get him in the habit of making good decisions on his own.

Give your child encouragement while he learns

It takes time for kids to learn what is expected of them in various situations. Remember, their brains are not fully developed. Teaching the ‘why’ behind your expectations is likely to be much more effective than just saying ‘No running allowed!’ and then following up with a comment like ‘I told you not to run!’ When you thought your child was headed in the right direction but goes back to the same misbehavior, it can be hard to avoid reacting this way out of frustration. However, nagging is likely to result in resentment and your child ignoring you. Instead, take a moment to calm your emotions and then discuss the expectation again. Use gentle guidance, like ‘You did such a good job last week, what do you think went wrong this time?’ to help your child move forward towards correcting the misbehavior.

Preschooler

Helping your child transition from home to preschool is a milestone that you can start preparing your child for a few weeks before school starts. For a smooth transition, your child needs to learn about the new routine he will follow during his day at preschool and what will be expected of him.

Familiarize his new environment

Tour his classroom if possible and meet his teacher. Ask for a classroom schedule. While at the school, walk through his class-

HOO’s tips

room and the school together and step through his new routine. You could take pictures of his classroom and other parts of the school he will visit as part of his routine and print them out at home for your child to look at. At home, start adjusting your child’s daily schedule, including the time he wakes in the morning and nap time, to match his daily preschool schedule. Also, it is a good idea to arrange a time to speak with the teacher privately so you can provide her with any useful information about your child and any special needs.

Role-play with your child

Help your child prepare for the social interactions that will be expected of him at preschool. One fun way is to role-play. Ask your child to pretend that you are a classmate and to introduce himself. Role-play different social situations, such as asking a classmate to play with him or sharing a toy. Pretend you are the teacher and play ‘school’ with your child. Have your child practice following instructions such as, ‘Sit down for story time’ or ‘Get out your pencil pouch and draw a picture.’

Practice self-care skills

Preschoolers are expected to have perfected self-care skills, such as toileting, dressing and eating a meal without help. While playing ‘school,’ have ‘lunch time’ and ‘snack time’ and ask him to open his lunch bag himself and unwrap his food. When selecting a backpack for preschool, ask him to help pick one. At home, practice zipping and unzipping it and putting it on. Involve your child in selecting his clothes and shoes for the first day.