2020 2021
Just For GIRLS
Just for Girls
YOU LIVE IN A BUSY WORLD THAT IS CONSTANTLY CHANGING. It can be hectic at times—dealing with the stress of school, activities, sports and even your home life. You may not know it, but you have a goal you’re working towards. You’re on a journey to becoming a person that is strong, independent and willing to work for a better life. There are benefits to staying on track and reaching toward your goals. A major study revealed that if a person completes three specific achievements in order, they have a 98% chance to avoid living in poverty as an adult. Those three things are: earn at least a high school diploma, maintain a full time job and wait until marriage to have children.1 This is called the “Success Sequence.” So how can you ensure these three things are met? This might sound crazy, but it’s simple: avoid sexual activity until marriage. As you read the articles and testimonies in this edition of Just for Girls/Just for Guys, you’ll see how sexual activity hampers your goals with physical and financial roadblocks. 1 Haskins, R., Sawhill, I. (2009). Creating an Opportunity Society. Washington, DC: Brookings Institute.
03 Live with Purpose 03 Our Choices Matter 03 Romance vs. Reality 04 Perfection Deception 04 Endless Comparisons 05 Not Just a “Guy Problem” 05 It Happened to Me… 05 Starting Over 06 Ask Evie 07 Hormonal Birth Control Human Life Alliance 1614 93rd Lane NE Minneapolis, MN 55449 humanlife.org | 651-484-1040
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© 2020 Human Life Alliance
Human Life Alliance is a non-profit, educational organization whose publications have reached over 228.9 million people around the globe. Just for Girls/Just for Guys has been produced since 2005.
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LIVE WITH PURPOSE • Don’t be afraid to be yourself, no matter what the media tries to sell you. • Be “okay” with not having a boyfriend. • Know that you are un-repeatable with great value. • Don’t fall for the idea that your body is a bunch of parts, only meant to be used for pleasure. • Know your limits—don’t let anyone pressure you into sex acts. • Never apologize for having standards and boundaries. • Make good choices in life to keep on a path to reach your goals.
OUR CHOICES
Matter
CHOICES. Your choices affect you and everyone around you. For example, the choice to save sex for marriage—that’s an important one. As I face that choice, I know it will not only affect me but my future husband. I have decided to show him my love and commitment now, by waiting for him. I want to guard my heart from the pain of a broken physical relationship and protect my future husband’s heart as well. I want that intimate, emotional bond with my best friend and him alone. I am grateful to save myself for the love of my life.
Three years ago I met the man who became my best friend, Daren. When we got engaged we made the choice (together) to save sex until our wedding night. It’s not been easy, but I can tell you, it’s worth it. We are building a healthy relationship on You have value and worth—no matter what a solid foundation not focused on sex. Daren and I you’ve done or what has been done to you. No know we will experience amazing intimacy in our one else can write your story. The choices you life together as husband and wife. The persevermake will affect your future. There is no one ance, love and respect we put into this choice will with your unique gifts and talents so you owe make the priceless gift we give each other on our it to the world to live out your purpose! wedding night beautiful beyond words. I feel loved and valued that Daren chose to Hollywood paints a picture of what wait for me and I’m proud of myits idea of love looks like. We may self for choosing to wait for him. not realize how it subliminally The great thing about choices is influences our view of normal relationships. We see beautiful that you can make them at any girls with perfect lives and perfect time. No matter what choices hair, falling in love with perfect you’ve made in the past, you can guys in romantic and exhilarating still choose to save sex for marsituations. It’s not only unhealthy; riage. You can start fresh and it’s unfair to expect guys to live up experience all the benefits of to this impossible standard. Women can appreciate and look for waiting, and together discover important qualities in real men. Are they honest, respectful, your exclusive bond of intimacy. responsible and trustworthy? The choice is up to you. You are It’s hard to find a rom-com, TV show or streaming series that valuable and worth the wait! So, DOESN’T equate love with sex. They imply couples don’t love wouldn’t you say that your future each other unless a date ends in bed. Hollywood portrays sex husband is worth waiting for, too? as an expected activity for anyone, at any age, no matter the Your value doesn’t change based circumstance. Realistically, many characters in these stories on your choices, but your choices would have STD’s, unintended pregnancies and a lot of heartache. do affect your future. Saving sex for marriage helps avoid these risks and builds healthy, long-term relationships. • Refuse to be shamed for what you know to be the safest choice: saving sex for marriage.
Romance Vs.
Reality
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Just for Girls
PER FEC TION DEC EPT ION
Somebody once told me, “Your body is part of who you are, but your body doesn’t define you.” It was a lifechanging moment for me. My body is how I move around and navigate life, but there is so much more to me than how I look. It is liberating to realize that what I see on Instagram and featured Snapchat stories does not need to define who I am, what I should look like, or how I should act. These things bombard and shame young women everywhere we look. Choose to say no daily to these unrealistic expectations of a distorted reality. It breaks my heart to see people filtering every selfie and moment to appear like it’s perfect. Because, deep down, we all know that there is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect life. Deception is making someone believe something that isn’t true. And that’s just it—perfection isn’t real! You are
empowered to make the choice to love yourself, choose authenticity, and be you. You can be quirky, thoughtful, opinionated, intelligent, funny, courageous and caring. You are a whole and complete person, no matter what anyone says. Defining yourself by who you are and what you do, rather than how you look, is a brave choice to defy the deception of perfection that society tells us to buy into. It can be scary at first, but the world needs to know that real, imperfect women exist, daring to break the rules, claiming our imperfections and being ourselves. We can write our own stories and think our own thoughts. We don’t have to follow the crowd. We can choose to surround ourselves with people who encourage and uplift us. We are bold enough to reject deceit and believe we ARE beautiful.
-Ashley
Endless COMPARISONS Ever find that you've lost hours browsing social media on the endless supply of content? There’s another thing that can be “endless” as well: the comparisons between your life and other people’s lives. It’s easy to conclude that everyone else’s lives are beautiful and perfect and yours is a mess. But this is an illusion. The posts most people publish are the “highs” of their lives and not the bad or even normal parts. Perhaps much of the reason social media increases the risk of depression and anxiety is due to this comparison of false realities. Don’t let this unrealistic illusion paint your perception of the world.
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NOT JUST A
“GUY PROBLEM” A generation ago, people had to seek out pornography and hide their stash. In contrast, today people have to take intentional steps to avoid “adult content.” Exposure to pornography is prevalent with easy access through today’s technology. Addiction to porn can break relationships, bank accounts, and people’s brains. Fortunately, society is starting to wise up to these realities. Concerns from medical experts have now elevated pornography to a public health crisis. While a positive development, struggles with pornography and masturbation are often framed as “men issues.” This attitude has left many women fighting against porn and feeling isolated. Do you feel trapped by an addiction to sex, porn, or masturbation? You are not alone. There are helpful resources available at candeobehaviorchange.com.
humanlife.org
IT HAPPENED TO ME… I grew up in an abusive and incestuous environment. The concept of “staying pure” or “saving myself for marriage” was something I agreed with in theory, but could not embrace for myself. I did believe that it was wrong to have sex outside of marriage, but I felt broken to begin with, and had nothing to save for marriage.
What I wanted, more than anything in the world, was to feel loved. I had such a low opinion of myself that I didn’t think I had anything to offer besides sex. It was the only thing anyone seemed to want from me, and the only thing I could imagine might possibly earn me love. I wanted that feeling of closeness and security...even if it was only temporary. One of the biggest regrets I have in my life was losing that purity— first, having it taken from me, then willingly giving it away. So much damage was done to me physically, emotionally and spiritually. I wish I could change the past...if only for that one thing. I didn’t know that someday, later in my life, I would learn the way I was treated as a small child and as a teenager was wrong...that I never deserved to be abused. I didn’t know that someday I would begin to believe I was valuable and worthwhile...that I would find people in the world who would offer friendship and love to me, who would be able to see something beautiful in me.
-Lauren
STARTING OVER
As a teen, I played the third wheel because my sister had many boyfriends and I didn’t. I became depressed and wondered why guys didn’t like me. When I finally got a boyfriend, it became an abusive relationship. I ended it, but even with that freedom, I still didn’t know who I was and ended up collecting exes. Then I met Ethan. Even though our values didn’t match, I thought Ethan was “the one.” I wanted to remain a virgin before marriage, but the only thing I remembered from sex ed was don’t have sex. I took that to mean, “anything but sex is fine.”
We kept getting physically closer until that one night we finally went “all the way.” I jumped out of bed and curled up in the corner and sobbed. I couldn’t take it back, ever. I felt like avoiding sex no longer mattered, so we kept sleeping together (in secret).
I felt like I was leading a double life. I kept ignoring the nagging problem of our mismatched values. I told him I loved him and he was perfect for me except for one thing—he didn’t understand the value of saving sex for marriage. Breaking up with Ethan was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but changed my life and made me the person I am today.
I vowed not to date again until I was 100 percent sure whom I would marry and that he would respect my sexual integrity. While I was single, I sought out a group of friends who shared my values. An honorable guy in the group, Michael, later became my beloved husband. I was his first girlfriend; his first kiss! He understood that waiting was important so we waited to have sex until our wedding night. Now I am content with a real man that showed me I was worth waiting for.
-Kendra
If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one. 5
Just for Girls
Dear Evie, I wanted to go on a date with a guy the other day and my dad wouldn’t let me leave the house in my favorite short shorts and tank top. I thought I looked cute, but I feel like he wants me to wear a bag. What’s his deal? –Get With the Program Dear Get With the Program, Your dad may not be able to explain his intentions in a way that makes sense to you, but he wants your true beauty to shine. He loves you and is trying to show you how to attract the right kind of attention. The truth is that he’s a guy and knows how strong visual images can be a challenge for young men. I’m glad to know you have a dad who cares about you!
Dear Evie, I just started dating and I want to know where I am supposed to draw the line when it comes to being physical with my boyfriend. Be specific—how far is too far to go with a guy? –Drawing the Line Dear Drawing the Line, Good question. Every part of a person has beauty, which is why we “veil” ourselves with clothes. Our sexuality is best meant to be “unveiled” to a committed spouse in marriage. To respect his goodness and sexual integrity, as well as your own, a helpful guideline is to ask yourself, “Would I be comfortable doing this if other people (like parents) were in the room?” Or to take it a step further, as this could be someone else’s future spouse, “Would you do this with your best friend’s fiancé?”
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Dear Evie, The other day my boyfriend told me he’s going to break up with me if I don’t have sex with him. I really love him and don’t want to lose him. What should I do? –Conflicted Dear Conflicted, It’s unfair for your boyfriend to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. If he really loves you, he will respect your boundaries. His commitment won’t be dependent on the level of physical intimacy in your relationship. He can get sex from anyone; you have more to offer than your body. I know it’s hard to accept, but it’s better to risk losing him. Tell him no. If he leaves, let him go. You deserve better.
Dear Evie, It seems like all the girls at school have a boyfriend besides me. I can’t help but feel a little jealous and well, to be honest, desperate. I can’t help it. I just really, really want a boyfriend! What should I do? –Really Want a Boyfriend Dear Really Want a Boyfriend, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s a natural part of being a girl to want a guy to choose you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It’s an illusion that everyone has a boyfriend! As you wait, I have a couple of ideas. Concentrate more on developing into the right kind of woman you want to be in ten years and make a gift of your time to others around you. Then develop solid friendships. As the saying goes, “find your bridesmaids, then find your groom!” It can be easy to find someone and become infatuated to the point where your identity is wrapped up in their's, causing breakups to be even more painful when you lose your own identity.
HORMONAL CONTRACEPTION
humanlife.org
HAS CONSEQUENCES Is it ever worth taking a Group 1 carcinogen to control fertility? According to the Center for Disease Control, 9 out of 100 women each year who take the pill faithfully as directed will get pregnant.1 Also, about 1 in 5 teen couples using condoms as birth control became pregnant after one year.2 Hormonal contraceptives (the pill, the patch, and the shot) have side effects–ranging from minor inconveniences to major–even life threatening problems.
SOME MINOR SIDE EFFECTS: 3,4
• Weight Gain • Mood Changes • Dizziness
• Headaches • Nausea • Breast Tenderness
• Depression
SOME MAJOR HEALTH RISKS:
• Hormonal contraceptives don’t protect against STD’s. • Two to three times the risk of lung blood clots.5 • Decreased bone density.6 • Increased risk of heart attack and stroke.7
• The Pill can increase your risk of certain cancers just like hormonal replacement therapy. 8,9,10,11,12
• Long-term hormonal contraception was associated with an increase in glioma, a brain cancer.13
WHAT THEY’RE NOT TELLING YOU...
Women are often prescribed the pill for health reasons but not told how it works. The pill primarily works by releasing synthetic hormones at specific times in a woman’s cycle to prevent ovulation. The secondary method works by impeding sperm through changes in cervical mucus. If those two functions fail fertilization can occur. The third method thins the uterine lining to prevent a developing human from implanting.14
Dear Evie, A random guy contacted me through social media and started telling me how beautiful I am. I have no clue who he is. What do you think of this? What should I do? –Randomly Beautiful Dear Randomly Beautiful, I think this is a red flag, and you should definitely “ghost” him. This could be an identity theft attempt OR an online predator trying to meet up with you in order to kidnap, assault or sell you into human trafficking. Predators lure vulnerable youth who don’t find love or support at home and prop themselves up as a man that will love and take care of them. They convince young girls and even guys that their beauty will land them a lucrative modeling job, only to find themselves victims of prostitution, pornography and slave labor.
Steroidal estrogens pose a serious threat to humans and wildlife through ground water. The endocrine-disrupting chemicals released into our eco-system have connections to increased reprotoxicity, metabolic disorders, and cancers.15 Waste treatment plants cannot filter out all hormones released into the water systems.16 In the past ten years, researchers have discovered 37 species of male fish with female eggs.17 These high levels of intersex fish can result in reproductive impairment, diseases, infections, and die offs in fish.18 A study in Ontario, Canada, showed that chronic exposure of the fathead minnow to low concentrations of ethynylestradiol led to feminization of males and, ultimately, a near extinction of this species from the lake. 19 The pill works by suppressing natural hormones. Many doctors prescribe the pill to correct an irregular cycle, reduce cramps, acne, and stop painful or heavy periods. These are all signs of unbalanced hormones and reveal health problems like Polycystic Ovary Syndrome or Endometriosis. While the pill can help regulate cycles and stop symptoms, it does not treat underlying health problems. There are natural ways to keep a healthy reproductive system working with the body instead of against it.20 It is empowering to know how the body works. Sources Available at: humanlife.org/sources
OTHER POPULAR BIRTH CONTROL METHODS Also Carry Serious Health Risks IUDs can cause infection that lead to pelvic inflammatory disorder and ovarian cysts.21 Serious risks of IUDs include expulsion or migration into internal organs and perforation.22 Patch users have a three times higher risk of death from blood clots verses pill users. 23
Bayer Pharmaceuticals was sued over five hundred times for not disclosing other dangerous side effects from its Mirena IUD such as abcesses, infections and tubal pregnancies.24 Condom using couples increase their risk of preeclampsia.25
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