‘We You Decry!’

Elon Musk Names George Santos New Twitter CEO

By David Wollman

Elon Musk has made good on his promise to follow the wishes of Twitter users. After 58% of users voted in a survey that he should step down as head of Twitter, Musk has done exactly that.

“I have a new, blue-ribbon management team that I am very excited about,” said Musk in a telephone interview. “And I think the Twitterverse will be excited too.”

Leading the team will be Rep. George Santos (R-NY) who will take over the reins as Twitter CEO. “What a resume,” enthused Musk. “Three PhDs (political science, medicine and astrophysics) and a career at NASA. That checks off all the boxes for me. Santos as CEO is a no-brainer as far as I’m concerned.” dia platform giant. Kanye (Ye) West will be the Director of Diversity and Digression. “He has a well-earned reputation for digressive thought and speech. This will be of incredible value to our new legal advisor, Rudy Giuliani. He will be leading the fight against the many conspiracies out there that threaten our free speech and freedom,” said Musk.

The Director of Content Moderation will be split equally between two individuals who are renowned for their social conscience – Alex Jones and Louis Farrakhan. Harvey Weinstein brings decades of talent management experience to his role as the new Director of Human Resources and Talent Acquisition.

The controversial young politician was led out of his hideout in handcuffs while chanting “Stop the Steal.”

In a press conference an Interpol spokeswoman declared: “We always get our man, or woman, or whatever George Santos may be at any given time.”

“We found documents where we arrested Santos," she continued. “These documents show he was planning to import the Stop the Steal movement to Brazil, where some citizens have already challenged the legitimacy of the recent presidential election.”

The arrest prompted immediate reaction in the United States.

Donald Trump branded the arrest “an international disgrace and a human rights violation.” He vowed, “If the voters give me a third term in 2024, I will fight to vindicate young Gorgeous George.”

House Speaker Kevin McCarthy also chimed in, saying, “People are innocent until proven guilty. Unless you’re a member of the Biden Crime Family.”