Introspections
BY SUZ A N N E POLL A K
Etiquette is essential because it saves people from offending other members of society. The word might seem outdated, but when could thoughtful behavior ever not be in style? The mark of a sophisticated person is intuitively knowing how to avoid making people uncomfortable, intentionally or not. A sophisticated individual takes responsibility for his or her actions and words. Anyone past the eighth grade (or even before it) needs to know the basic rules that glue society together, especially today! Even if you’ve already learned most of this, every once in a while, we all need a reminder.
LET’S START WITH COMMON SENSE Learn to be an active governor of your actions and cognizant of how you conduct yourself. Pay attention. Be a good listener! When a friend talks about what’s going on in her/his life, it’s worthy of listening actively and becoming a participant. Instead of one-upmanship—which means you listen initially and then think this happened in your own life way more dramatically—just be quiet and listen. Do not respond with, “You think that’s bad? You have no idea what I’m going through!” This is known as the ugly art of turning yourself into the center of the conversation. That is always bad form, and people notice. It’s selfcentered and self-absorbed. 112 | JA NUA R Y 2019
Ask questions. It’s simple, basic manners! Asking questions is how you charm people. Being curious makes others feel important and makes you a more interesting person without being self-absorbed. Being curious gets information. You can often find out people’s secrets in five minutes by playing dumb and smiling. Get the details. Hone in on what makes an individual tick. We call curiosity “emotional intelligence.” You will get far in life by being charming and deeply curious—you can literally charm people’s pants off. (Romantics beware!) Teach your teenagers. Tell them to engage with their friends’ parents. Try “Hello, how are you?” instead of sneaking upstairs when visiting friends and pretending the parents don’t exist. But parents need help, too! Charleston Academy of Domestic Pursuits research shows that in many instances, adults don’t take the time to ask their child’s friends questions, like, “What interests you?” Don’t treat your children’s friends like they are little kids; give them an opening and start a conversation. Don’t say what you don’t mean. That’s just plain rude. Don’t make promises you cannot keep, lead another on, or fail to follow up on plans. In other words, don’t be a jerk. Not only can it leave others confused, but also—come on! If you are an adult, act like one. Mean what you say. Others notice lousy behavior and even talk about it behind closed doors. Life can be difficult enough as it is, so why add to another’s troubles with your selfishness? Treat people like you want to be treated. This applies to social situations and in the workplace. There is never an excuse for disrespectful, condescending, or demeaning behavior toward another. Rude behavior marks you as a person with problems; low self-esteem, ego out of control, arrogance. People might not be assertive in return, but that usually means they are taking the high ground and acting professionally.
