Create a Life You Don’t Need a Vacation From

by Jan Cullinane

Our women’s tennis team holds a yearly luncheon to celebrate all the players’ birthdays. Team members are asked to bring a small wrapped gift for a random birthday gift exchange. I received a coffee mug with this message: “Create a Life You Don’t Need a Vacation From.” Love the mug (I know ... we were taught we shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition), and I love the concept. How do we do that? How do we create a life we “don’t need a vacation from”? Let’s explore three ways.

Begin by thinking about the end

George Kinder is the founder of the Kinder Institute of Life Planning. Kinder suggests we ask ourselves three questions. For each of the following questions, really think about your answers, and write down your thoughts. If you have a spouse or a significant other, you should both do this. Don’t read the next question until you reflect upon it, discuss (if you have a spouse/significant other), and answer the current question.

Question 1: “Imagine you have enough money to satisfy all your needs, now and in the future. Would you change your life, and if so, how would you change it?” Remember, answer and discuss before proceeding to Question 2.

Question 2: “Now, assume you are in your current financial situation. Your doctor tells you that you only have five to 10 years to live, but that you will feel fine up until the end. Would you change your life, and if so, how would you change it?” Again, answer, reflect, and discuss. Then, on to Question 3.

Question 3: “Your doctor tells you that you have just one day to live. You look back at your life. What did you miss out on? Who did you not get to be? What did you fail to do?”

You can see, it’s quite telling to begin by thinking about the end. It puts things into perspective, and it can help you determine and crystallize your life goals.

Core pursuits

To “create a life you don’t need a vacation from” using a different approach, let’s look at what Wes Moss, author, investment advisor, and CFP (certified financial planner), recommends. Moss found those people who are happiest have what he calls “core pursuits,” which he defines as “hobbies or activities that (people) are passionate about and engage in on a regular basis.”

Examples of core pursuits include learning new things, like how to play an instrument or speak a foreign language; giving back through tutoring, philanthropy, or fundraising for worthy causes; attending classes/lectures on a variety of subjects, or returning to college for another—or first—degree; taking up a sport such as tennis, golf, pickleball, or climbing; pursuing passions such as genealogy, woodworking, travel, cooking, singing, writing, or acting; immersing yourself in your primary (or a secondary) career; or involvement with family through caring for grandchildren or your parents.

Core pursuits are often intertwined with other people, providing the social connections integral for both physical and mental health. Core pursuits are what make you happy to get up every morning, and like Steppenwolf sang, “Get your motor runnin’.”

What are your core pursuits? Should you develop more of them? Moss found that the majority of core pursuits fall into four general categories: work, health/exercise, the arts, and adventure, and that people who have an average of 3.6 core pursuits self-identify as happy, while those with only 1.9 selfidentify as unhappy.

Location, location, location

As ideal-LIVING, the publisher of this magazine, correctly states, “Where you live affects how you live.” Look again at the four general categories of “core pursuits” described above, and decide if your current location helps you live your best life.

If you’re interested in working, are you in a location that allows you to pursue your career or start a new one? With many more people working remotely, working from wherever you are is much easier. I have three adult married children, and five out of the six work remotely either full or part-time. Or, if you want to volunteer or mentor others, are there opportunities to do that? If it’s health/exercise, does your location almost “beg” you to be active? Are there walking/hiking/biking trails and weather that invite you to be outside most of the year? If art is your thing, are there classes/theaters/studios where you can indulge your passions? If you crave adventure, are there ways to satisfy your interests, and are there airports that are close enough to make travel easy and accommodate your sense of adventure and exploration?

Tim McGraw sang “Live Like You Were Dying.” Too often, people stay where they are because it’s easier to do nothing, not because it’s better for them. Thinking about your passions, interests, and what’s important to you will help you “create a life you don’t need a vacation from.”

Jan Cullinane is an award-winning retirement author, speaker, and consultant. Her upcoming book, The New Retirement: The Ultimate Guide to the Rest of Your Life, 3rd edition (Wiley), will be available in Spring 2022.