The Health Benefits of Love

by Jan Cullinane

When we think of becoming or remaining healthy, what comes to mind? Perhaps eating well, exercising, getting sufficient sleep, controlling stress, not smoking, drinking in moderation, protecting ourselves from the sun’s harmful rays, maintaining a healthy weight, challenging our brain, cultivating friendships, seeking appropriate and timely medical/ dental care, and having a purpose. All are extremely important, but this column is going to address—you guessed it—the health benefits of love. More than just that, though, we’re going to look at ways we show love and how we like to receive love.

When talking about love—whether in terms of marriage, a significant other, friends, parents, children, or siblings—science has demonstrated that being in love/loving others confers a number of health benefits. These include better blood pressure levels, lessening the perception of pain and anxiety, fewer doctor visits and colds, quicker healing, a boost in happiness levels, and a longer life. Not bad.

The Five Love Languages

Many of the above health benefits of love apply to those who have pets as well. But the next part of our discussion applies to love between and among humans. What makes us feel loved and appreciated? How do those we love feel loved and appreciated?

Knowing and understanding how people show love and how they want to receive love can be instructive and perhaps result in stronger and better relationships.

Originally published in 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages is based on Chapman’s counseling observations and describes the ways we show love to one another. There has been some pushback on the book, citing the author’s emphasis on religion (Chapman is a pastor as well as a counselor) or that this approach could be a way to manipulate others by knowing the other person’s primary love language. But, putting those concerns aside, you may find the concept that most of us have preferred ways to give and receive love insightful and helpful in improving your relationships. Applying these “love languages” in a friendship or other platonic relationship can, of course, vary from applying them in a marriage or with a romantic partner. More than 12 million copies of The Five Love Languages have been sold.

With numbers like that, I think Chapman may very well be onto something.

The five “love languages” described by Chapman are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

1. Words of Affirmation. Verbal compliments, such as “I love you,” “I’m so grateful you are in my life,” “That color looks great on you.”

2. Acts of Service. Doing something for the other person that you know he/she would like. Examples: Making the coffee in the morning, baking his/her favorite dessert, picking up something at the store you know they need/want, taking out the trash.

3. Gift Giving. Surprising your loved one with a thoughtful gift, such as tickets to a sporting event or play, buying them a pint of their favorite ice cream, or emailing them an article about a topic they are passionate about.

4. Quality Time. Being in the moment with that person, without other distractions. For example, you could plan a future trip, take a walk, ride bikes, play tennis, or watch and discuss a TV program.

5. Physical Touch. This one is pretty self-explanatory and could include hugs, kisses, sex, a massage, holding hands, or a comforting arm around a shoulder.

In 2020, Shane Co. (a large U.S. jeweler) surveyed 2,600 people across the U.S. about their preferred love language. Following is what their rankings revealed: