ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE April 2015 • Estd. 1892 • Vol. 123 #3 • Published Monthly • www.ihstattler.com Ithaca High School, 1401 N. Cayuga St, Ithaca, NY 14850 • FREE
Live Life Tompkins County Like Leyla: Rallies Behind Remembering Teachers’ Union Leyla Dietrich, By NICHOLAS BOGEL-BURROUGHS
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n January 21, Governor Andrew Cuomo presented his 2015–2016 Executive Budget, detailing a series of initiatives he dubbed the 2015 Opportunity Agenda. In his speech, Cuomo made it clear that education reforms would be the most drastic changes and the most difficult to accomplish. “This is the year to roll up our sleeves and take on the dramatic challenge that has eluded us for so many years, for so many reasons,” said Cuomo to applause from a room of elected officials and cabinet members at the Empire State Plaza Convention Center in Albany. The atmosphere at the plaza was in stark contrast to that of Lansing Middle School on Thursday, March 19, where New York State United Teachers (NYSUT) held a rally entitled Because We Care. While politicians in Albany applauded the governor’s proposed overhauls, at least four hundred teachers, representatives, students, and parents at the Lansing forum harshly criticized what they saw as obstacles to teachers’ job security and students’ achievement. In his January speech, Cuomo emphasized the claim that only 38 percent of 2014 high school graduates were “college-ready”, while 95 percent of teachers were rated “effective” in local Annual Professional Performance Continued on Page 6.
By MELISSA OLIVER, with special thanks to AMY CHEVALLARD
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earing the diagnosis was the worst part for close friends and family, yet Leyla was the first to turn the negative situation into a positive one, never once asking the obvious question: “Why me?” Leyla Dietrich was Leyla Dietrich, 1997-2015. diagnosed at age 15 with glioblastoma multiforme, a cancerous brain tumor known for spreading very quickly. The doctors predicted that she had just months to live. Leyla knew that it was time for her to start her journey; her diagnosis changed her life. Leyla would always assure me, “I don’t want people to feel bad for me because this is the life I have been given.” She outlived her prognosis by more than two years, and made it her mission to inspire others to find beauty in life. Leyla had the chance to travel the world, write a book, appear in a music video by The Blind Spots, and be the centerpiece of a song by the Gunpoets. During her journey, she became enlightened and savored every moment of her precious life. Leyla became a master of living, inspiring a community that is now known as Leyla’s Village. The Village is a Facebook group where people were Continued on Page 4.
IMAGE BY LEYLA DIETRICH
IMAGE BY PEARSE ANDERSONN
Brad Grainger, who serves on the ICSD Board of Education, speaks to a crowd as ICSD students, teachers, and parents stand behind him.
1997–2015
Table of Contents
Tattler Staff
News
Arts
Tompkins County Rallies Behind Teachers’ Union 1 by Nicholas Bogel-Burroughs Live Life Like Leyla: Remembering Leyla Dietrich, 1997–2015 1 by Melissa Oliver IHS Spearheads Social Justice 3 by Kalil Hendel Ask the Admins: Martha Hardesty (Part 2) 3 by Luca Greenspun UNAR: A Big Win for IHS 4 by Molly Swartwout IHS Brain Team Excels in Regional Competitions 5 by Tattler Staff
Swing into Spring Playlist by Bridget Fetsko Catch Me if You Can: A Review by Abby Cooper A Girl Walks Home at Night by Jasper Minson Super Smash Bros.: The Game of Champions by Yafet Andemariam Touch by Pearse Anderson
Opinion Editorial—Two-Hour Delays: De Latest Im provement Two Our District’s Policies 7 Fresh Off the Boat, Representation, and the Model Minority 7 by Liz Rosen The Art and Found: Saved and Redeemed 8 by Chloe Wray More Sleep, More School 8 by Tristan Engst Governor Cuomo’s Modest Proposal 9 by Kalil Hendel Parties Are Not for the Light of Heart 10 by Carver Jordan Cheryl Oltz 11 by A Student
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Editor-in-Chief
Owen Zhang ’15 editor@ihsTattler.com
News Editor
Kalil Hendel ’15 news@ihsTattler.com
Opinion Editor
Olivia Salomon ’15 opinion@ihsTattler.com
Features Editor
Sports
Sophia Shi ’15 features@ihsTattler.com
Qatar World Cup Pushed Back to Winter 2022; FIFA Continues to Be the Worst by Liz Rosen Spring Preview: Varsity Track and Field by Julia Sinton Biking in Winter by Thea Clarkberg What is Chip Kelly Thinking? by Theo Cowett
Arts Editor
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Pearse Anderson ’16 arts@ihsTattler.com
Sports Editor
Nick Bogel-Burroughs ’15 sports@ihsTattler.com
Penultimate and Back Page Editor
Lindsey Yuan ’15 backpage@ihsTattler.com
Centerspread Editor
Conor Coutts ’15 centerspread@ihsTattler.com
Copy Editor
Daniel Xu ’17 copy@ihsTattler.com
Photography Editors
Bridget Fetsko ’16 John Yoon ’16 photo@ihsTattler.com
Layout Editor
James Yoon ’17
Features Costa Recap 13 by Eric Sinton Literally Awesome: The 2015 Bethe Lectures 13 by Sophia Shi What Really Goes On In Code Red Robotics? 13 by Rosie Ross Pokémon Club 14 by Jacy Hollander, Andrew Jin, and Jesse Yuan Cassidy Fisk 14 by James Yoon The Hall Monitor 15 by Mattie Hause Restaurant Review: Ned’s Pizza 16 by Isaac Lawson-Hughes
2014 – 2015
layout@ihsTattler.com
Business Manager
The Tattler is the student-run newspaper of Ithaca High School. It was founded in 1892 and is published monthly.
Andrew Stover ’17
As an open forum, the Tattler invites opinion piece submissions and letters to the editor from all community members. Drop off submissions in E25 or email them to: editor@ihsTattler.com
Liz Rosen ’16
Mail letters to:
The IHS Tattler 1401 N. Cayuga St. Ithaca, NY 14850 The Tattler reserves the right to edit all submissions. Submissions do not necessarily reflect the views of editorial staff.
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Webmaster
Gayathri Ganesan ’15 web@ihsTattler.com
Distribution Managers
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ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
NEWS IHS Events
IHS Spearheads Social Justice By KALIL HENDEL
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t a heterogenous school like IHS, which attracts the poor, rich, rural, and urban of every creed and color, issues of identity and justice arise as naturally as classroom discussion and are just as important. Social Justice Week (SJW) is a (you guessed it!) week of activities, speakers, and events centered around social justice in its many forms. Although a collaborative effort overall, SJW—now in its third year—has largely been organized by Olivia Salomon ’15 in the past two years. “Last year, it wasn’t going to happen, so I stepped up,” said Salomon. “I kind of remembered SJW from the year before, and I liked the presentations, but we wanted to mix up the structure to include more student participation instead of just lectures.” This year saw interactive events like student debates hosted by Model United Nations, a human rights workshop, constructing bagged lunches for the homeless with Key Club, and discussion groups on race. Many of the presenters were IHS students who used the opportunity to approach issues like transgender rights or stereotypes in Disney television. Organizing an event that must fill a total of 24 40-minute school periods could be a logistical nightmare, but Salomon and the rest of the SJW planners handled it with ease. “We told teachers about the event much earlier this year,” said Salomon. “I sent out all-staff emails with the help of Mr. Heurich, thus keeping teachers updated on the schedule for the week and how they could get involved.” One student who aided Salomon was Chloe Wray ’17. “Chloe and I emailed presenters and I coordinated the scheduling. Chloe did about half the work—we split it pretty equally,” mentioned Salomon. “She also coordinated with the Blind Spots and the organization receiving donations from the concert. She also reached out to mayor Svante Myrick to try and get a keynote from him—he was unavailable for SJW this year, but we are optimistic for next year.” Other students, such as Rori Henderson ’15 and Noah Davis ’15, helped organize discussion groups, and multiple clubs, including Model United Nations, Key Club, and Pay It Forward Club lent their collaborative efforts to the event. “I oversaw the happenings to make sure things were going smoothly,” said Salomon, “but the planning process was more casual in general this year—in a good way.” Next year, we can expect the event to continue, and hopefully Continued on Page 5.
April 2015
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Ask the Admins Brain Team Cuomo Reforms Social Justice Week Report UNAR
IHS Administration
Ask the Admins: Martha Hardesty (Part 2) By LUCA GREENSPUN, Staff Writer
The second in a series of interviews with IHS associate principal Martha Hardesty. Luca Greenspun ’17: Is the current level of discipline at IHS up to par with what you think it should be? If not, how are you and the other administrators working to fix it? Martha Hardesty: I think we’ve done a great job of turning it around. I think there’s never a time when you shouldn’t stop educating kids about what is expected of them. It’s not fair to say to a kid on the first day of school, “You were supposed to be at this spot at this time” and not have them have a schedule in front of them. You [an administrator] can’t say to a student, “You can’t leave campus” if you haven’t made it clear that only seniors with senior privileges can do that. We’ve experienced a lot of that: students saying, “Well, I didn’t know”, and that tells me we haven’t educated the students well enough about what the expectations are. While we’ve done a great job of reducing the number of referrals and the number of incidents on campus, I still think discipline is always a work in progress and that there’s always work we can do to increase the knowledge of students. LG: Can you describe how exactly discipline at IHS was different before you and Ms. Killins came around? MH: I don’t know how it was different; I just know that there was an attendance policy put in place by Mr. Powers, and that it had a great impact on kids actually getting to class. Then, being cognizant of the boundaries of school and making kids aware of the boundaries of school has been different. I think that the responsibilities of an AP may have been larger—or directed in a manner that wasn’t necessarily focusing on discipline, per se. I can’t speak for the people who were here before me, but I do know that when Ms. Killins and I came in, we went, “Wow, these are the rules. Continued on Page 5.
April 2015
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UNAR: A Big Win for IHS By MOLLY SWARTWOUT
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Leyla Dietrich Obituary Continued from Page 1. able to follow Leyla’s adventures through the beautiful writing of Jessica Jones, one of her family friends. The group began with about 30 people, and is now home to over 1,500 members who share stories and help each other cope with Leyla’s struggle. A passage from Jones on Leyla’s Village reads: Sweet Village, A new journey begins here, as our souls awaken to this new day, this unfamiliar beginning. It feels so unreal that we are so broken and so whole in the same breath. So grateful we are that you have shined us bright in our dark travels. We find that in Leyla’s death we have not solved anything. The universal mysteries remain unclear, though in this journey we have learned that when Leyla’s breath left her body, she filled our hearts with something more elemental . . . than air. We understand that the gift of our miracle was Time, which smiled on us and illuminated our journey filling us with love and life and the gift of our humanity and our togetherness. The idea that one should “live life like Leyla” (“L4”) spread through Ley-
Live life like Leyla.
la’s Village. L4 is the ideology that life is precious and that we should enjoy every step of the way. About 20 people locally have gotten L4 tattoos in remembrance of their friend, but also to remind them to find the joy that Leyla was able to find in life despite her extreme difficulties. Leyla has inspired a whole community of people to view life from a new perspective. She was a blessing to close family and friends, and opened our eyes to how life really should be lived. On Monday, March 2, Leyla’s soul was set free. Knowing Leyla, she is somewhere on a sandy beach under blue skies listening to the waves crash against the rocks. The beach was her favorite place to be, and it’s almost as if she were born a mermaid. She has left her mark on this Earth and will forever inspire people to live life like Leyla. IMAGE BY LEYLA DIETRICH
n the weekend of March 6, the IHS Model United Nations Club (MUN) attended UNAR, a conference hosted by St. John Fisher College in Rochester, with help from the PTA and IPEI. The delegates boarded a bus at 6:30 a.m. to arrive in time for their 12-hour day. The conference began with a talk by Mattias Sundholm, communications advisor to the UN Security Council and Counter-Terrorism Committee Executive Directorate—an impressive résumé for a high-school keynote speaker. The talk was focused on the “global fight against terrorism”, which also happened to be the theme of the conference. Carnations were sold and funds raised for food in an effort to support the cause. The conference was long, lasting from 8:30 a.m. to 8:15 p.m. on Friday and from 9:00 a.m. to 4:45 p.m. on Saturday. Delegates split into their committees for a day of debating, collaborating, and problem-solving on relevant issues in the international community. “Comprehensive”, “multifaceted”, and “educate the children!” could be heard ringing through the halls as delegates tried their hands at some of the most pressing problems in the world. Solving world hunger requires brain food, so delegates rejoined their club mates at the end of each day for an adventure in Wegmans’s and the purchasing of snack food for a night in the hotel. IHS MUN delegates were represented in most of the 19 separate committees, in which approximately two-thirds of the IHS delegation won awards. Aidan Intemann ’15, Sarah Couillard ’17, and Emily Pelliccia ’17, all IHS delegates, won Best, Outstanding, and Honorable Mention in their International Criminal Court committee, meaning they won all the awards available and “cleared their committee”. Many other IHS delegates won out-of-committee awards (Best or Outstanding Delegate). All in all, the conference was a massive success for everyone involved, whether or not they won an award.
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
IMAGE BY LEYLA DIETRICH
Model UN
NEWS
From left to right: Arielle Noron ’15, Amy Chevallard ’15, Melissa Oliver ’15, and Leyla.
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
NEWS
Ask the Admins Continued from Page 3. Do the kids know this? Because they’re not adhering to them.” And since they didn’t know, it took us a while to educate them and then be able to hold them accountable. LG: What’s the hardest part of your job, and why? MH: I think the hardest part is not coming across as this strict disciplinarian; to balance a relationship with kids where you hold them accountable when they really don’t want you to hold them accountable at any given moment. They kind of want to be your “friendly friend–peer” and have that relationship, but at the same time, you’re the one in charge of handing out the consequences for something. Similar to a classroom teacher, it’s hard to have a kid who’s not getting the grade that you want. When I have a student who’s not going in the direction I feel they should be going in academically or socially, I feel that it’s my job as an AP to help guide them. The hardest part of that is maintaining that focus yet making sure you have those relationships with kids. On top of that, it’s a large school. With two APs and over 1,500 kids, it’s a lot to try to touch base with every single kid and know something really important about every one. LG: How has the change in administration from Powers to Trumble affected you specifically? MH: I don’t feel any change in my role at this point. I think everything takes time; everything is kind of a wave. The wave starts out in the ocean, and by the time it hits the beach, it’s changed in its force and its velocity. I look at Mr. Powers, who was really a driving force here, and Mr. Trumble, who was a driving force at Boynton. [Mr. Trumble] is stepping into this position; it’s going to take him some time to get to know how the high school works. I don’t think we’re going to feel any change. Sometimes you go from one administrator to another and you don’t notice a real difference in anything. But right now, I can say that I still think we’re running well and on the same course we were on.
Social Justice Week Continued from Page 3. become an annual IHS staple. Wray will take over management, following the path Salomon has blazed. As a vehicle for important issues and a safe space for discussion, SJW is indispensable. We can all help to achieve a better society by putting the messages of justice and equality into practice in our day-to-day lives. It is thanks to events like Social Justice Week that we have a rising generation of young people willing to listen and engage.
April 2015
Brain Team
IHS Brain Team Excels in Regional Competitions By TATTLER STAFF
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he Brain Team, IHS’s quizbowl team, brought home yet another first-place trophy after winning the 38th annual TC3 High School Challenge (HSC) on March 12. The team, composed of James Park ’17, Andrey Shakhzadyan ’17, Casey Wetherbee ’17, Daniel Xu ’17, and Owen Zhang ’15, defeated longtime rivals Delaware Valley to win the tournament in addition to $3,000 in prize money. This victory marked the second year in a row that the team has taken first place at HSC. The semifinals and finals were filmed in TC3’s television studio and broadcast on local television. Less than two weeks later, the Brain Team sent two teams to the Kings Park High School Academic Quiz Bowl Tournament (KPAQT) in Long Island. After departing IHS at 2:00 a.m. and enduring a six-hour bus ride and a day of matches against tough opponents from around New England, the two teams placed fourth and 20th out of 26 teams. “We did quite well considering that we were missing our science player, Daniel,” said Zhang, who participated as a member of the A-team. “The experience overall was very fun; the questions were not unreasonably obscure and the teams were all highly competitive, which led to some very intense moments and close matches.” The Brain Team, coached by math teacher Benjamin Kirk, meets every Monday after school in room G102. It will be hosting its biannual Trivia Night in the IHS cafeteria on April 16.
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Reviews. Cuomo’s fix for this gap includes increasing the weight that students’ state exam performance has on teacher evaluations to 50 percent and determining the other 50 percent through independent classroom observation. Sarah Vakkas, the director of instruction and special education at the Trumansburg Central School District, pointed out that “outside evaluators will have to gain the trust of the teachers before any change is possible. Teachers don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Administrators and teachers alike argued on Thursday night that the incongruence between preparation for college and teacher competency is due to ineffective testing rather than biased evaluation, and that teachers have begun to leave schools out of frustration with the new criteria. Democratic assemblywoman Barbara Lifton warned that New York is “losing some very good teachers already . . . who just don’t want to be a part of this whole testing regime.” Chris Pettograsso, the superintendent of Lansing Central Schools, concurred, saying unequivocally that “Lansing Central School District does not support Governor Cuomo’s recommendation to connect an unreliable test to teacher evaluation and student success.” Cuomo’s new standards for evaluation also prohibit giving tenure to teachers until both their observation results and their students’ test performance show that they have been effective for five consecutive years. Once these measures are in place, Cuomo plans to reward any teacher rated as “highly effective” with a $20,000 bonus. Pettograsso worried that these new benchmarks would increase stress on students in addition to teachers. After meeting with local health providers, she conveyed their concern that more students are showing symptoms of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. “I know this breaks my heart and I know it breaks yours, as both a parent and educator. We struggle to inspire our students when the definition of success seems to narrow each year.” Despite the criticisms Cuomo’s agenda has spawned, some speakers lauded posi-
tive parts of the Opportunity Agenda, such as investing in Pre-K for three-year-olds in poor communities and funding teachers’ tuition for SUNY graduate programs in exchange for a five-year commitment to teaching within the state. On the other end of the spectrum, one teacher from ICSD said, “I just feel that Governor Cuomo is the Antichrist. It’s a shame that he’s wasting so much money.” At one point, things did become intense when Lee Adler, senior extension associate at Cornell’s School of Industrial and Labor Relations, said, “We’re at war; there is no more time to compromise. Let’s shut [the government] down,” before asserting that “representatives in the room are afraid of [Cuomo].” After walking down from the stage to huge cheers, Adler entered a heated conversation with Assemblywoman Lifton, saying, “You’re supposed to get out there in front of that legislature and call him out,” again referring to the governor. In response, Lifton backtracked from her on-stage initiative to shut down the state government if the union did not receive its demands, saying to Adler, “This group you saw here tonight is probably not representative of the majority,” and then later, to reporters, “I don’t know whether the larger public would be so supportive of a government shutdown. When people come up and talk to me . . . mostly I hear ‘get an on-time budget.’ Politicians have to deal with political reality. I’m only one of 211 legislators. Are other people with me?” Something that everyone agreed on, however, is their disdain for the Gap Elimination Adjustment (GEA) program. First implemented in 2010, the GEA was formed to reduce the state deficit by taking money directly from school districts. Lifton said that the GEA is “real money that people felt taken from them,” and advocated an immediate repeal of the program. Right behind Lifton was Pettograsso, who remarked that Lansing has paid $7.4 million towards the state deficit in the last five years due to the GEA. And Lansing isn’t alone: Groton has had to cough up $5.9 million and close their academic intervention service program because there were “no teachers left to teach it,” according to Groton mayor Jeff Evener, who also served as the high-school principal until moving to Lansing Middle
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
IMAGE BY PEARSE ANDERSONN
Tompkins County Rallies Continued from Page 1.
NEWS
Chris Pettograsso, Superintendent of Lansing Schools. Behind her, a disgruntled Gov. Cuomo looks on.
School this year. Trumansburg has had $8.4 million yanked from their state aid, and Dryden, whose population of students qualifying for free or reduced lunches has increased by 80 percent over the last eight years, has lost $13 million in funding since 2010. This drastic change has forced Dryden to prepare a 2015–2016 budget that has no room for teachers to buy classroom supplies. Unfortunately, this kind of plan is becoming far too common, as nearly $10 billion in school aid statewide will have been lost to the GEA over the last five years after the completion of this school year. Brad Grainger, who serves on ICSD’s Board of Education, noted that the GEA has moved “5 percent of the total cost of K–12 education from the state to local property taxpayers, shifting the burden from a progressive tax to a regressive tax.” Grainger assured the audience that Ithaca and other local districts “will do our share”, but that citizens “cannot do it alone.” Adam Bauchner, the director of curriculum and instruction at Dryden, stressed that, despite the austerity measures his district is having to take, there are still “bright spots in the data around graduation rates and test scores . . . because no matter how hard you make it on teachers, they’re there because they love kids. Albany can’t cut that love.”
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
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April 2015
opinion
The Art and Found Cheryl Oltz Cuomo reforms Party culture Two-hour delays
Editorial
Television
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Fresh Off the Boat, Representation, and the Model Minority
Two-Hour Delays: The Latest Improvement to Our District’s Policies his February saw the lowest average temperature of any month in Ithaca’s recorded history. An abnormally harsh winter kept many students indoors and out of school, which has left teachers scrambling to regain lost time as exam season approaches. But teachers this year are facing much less of a scramble than last year: thanks to ICSD’s new two-hour delay policy, the district has significantly reduced the total instructional time lost to inclement weather. The two-hour delay is beautiful in its simplicity: instead of canceling school for an entire day and losing six hours of teaching time, the start of the school day is delayed by two hours, and all periods (with the exception of zero period) are held in shortened lengths. All of the county school districts—Dryden, Groton, Lansing, Newfield, Trumansburg—have long embraced the two-hour delay, and ICSD’s adoption of the policy was a wise choice. The most important benefit of two-hour delays is increased safety. School cancellations typically stem from poor weather or road conditions. Two-hour delays grant extra time for the weather to improve and for cleaning crews to plow and salt the roads. The result is pavement conditions that are safer, less stressful, and more efficient to navigate for bus drivers, students, parents, and teachers who drive to school and all students who walk to and on campus. Equally important is that two-hour delays help prevent a sizeable number of scheduling inconveniences. Teachers, for one, save instructional time that would otherwise be lost to a full snow day. Though some teachers adopt a relaxed approach towards delay days, the majority seem to appreciate and maximize their use of the extra time. Because first semester at IHS begins relatively late—early-to-mid-September—and excess snow days are not made up until towards the end of the school year, AP students (who take their exams in May) see this saved instructional time as especially critical. Two-hour delays offer myriad benefits to students as well. In the short term, this benefit comprises extra time in the morning for precious sleep. More seriously, after-school activities—concert performances, club meetings, sports practices—that would be canceled on snow days can proceed on delay days, as can any conferences or meetings students and teachers may have scheduled. According to Liz Rosen ’16, president of Model United Nations, many important MUN meetings have been saved because of this new policy. And in the long term, delayed openings do not contribute to the count of school days students must make up in the springtime, when the weather is actually pleasant, as ICSD policy dictates that up to two full days can be subtracted from spring vacations to compensate for snow days. “It’s definitely better than a snow day because it’s not something you have to make up,” said Akshath Garg ’15 of the delay days. “If the weather isn’t going to be bad for the whole day, why miss that whole day of school and have to make it up later when you could really be relaxing?” Indeed, for students of high-school age especially, snow days are no longer spent creating snow angels or having snowball fights: they are more often spent wasting away indoors. Later in the year, when the weather is warmer and the ground does not resemble permafrost, students are more inclined to spend their free time outdoors. Overall, two-hour delays are a sensible and welcomed addition to ICSD policy. In keeping students learning while keeping them safe, they are an elegant solution to the age-old problem posed by the anti-education Ithacan Winter.
By LIZ ROSEN
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here’s a clip floating around the Internet of a young Chinese mother stopping her minivan full of groceries and children, calmly unbuckling her seatbelt, and stepping out to hurl an onion at a dine and dasher before ordering one of her sons to retrieve the onion. She wants to use it for dinner. Fresh Off the Boat is full of similarly derived humor that finds its basis in ethnic in-jokes (usually delivered by the incredible Constance Wu). A new addition to ABC’s spring lineup, the series is based on restaurateur Eddie Huang’s memoir of the same name, which narrates his experiences growing up as an Asian immigrant in Orlando during the ’90s. Like most sitcoms, it is full of canned laughter and lighthearted in a way that irked Huang enough to write a scathing critique of his own show, condemning the producers for pulling out the grittier aspects of his relationship with his manipulative father. Fresh Off the Boat is also different in another very important way: it’s the only show on network television currently featuring an entirely Asian main cast. This isn’t the first time that’s happened. Margaret Cho, perhaps best known nowadays for her turn as Kim Jong-un at the 2015 Oscars, was the first Asian-American to star in her own sitcom 20 years ago. But although there are some shows with Asian leads (The Walking Dead features Steven Yeun and Fox’s The Mindy Project is created by and stars Mindy Kaling), Continued on Page 12.
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OPINION
Downtown Ithaca
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
ICSD
The Art and Found: Saved and Redeemed
More Sleep, More School
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By CHLOE WRAY
he Art and Found is a clothing store in downtown Ithaca that focuses on promoting sustainable clothing. Like many other downtown establishments, the Art and Found has struggled to remain afloat throughout reconstruction of the Commons, and recently moved to a new location on Cayuga Street. Due to owner Olivia Royale’s perseverance, the store has survived through economic difficulties—and it is clear that what hasn’t killed it has made it stronger. Although I worked at the Art and Found over the summer, I like to believe my view is unbiased. I see the store’s weaknesses, from overpriced items of lower quality to small sizes and an unfocused aesthetic. Undeniably, much of the Art and Found’s in-store brand (products created in the store itself ), especially in its early days, consists of expensive do-ityourself projects. For the customer who lacks a crafty side, such items might be just what they are looking for, but for many, it was easy to pass up something that they could make themselves for $20 less. When Royale was just starting out, she was new to sewing—which would explain her questionable exposed seams. As she was her own model, the majority of the store’s clothing was stocked in size six and below, making it impossible for many potential customers to buy the items they would have purchased otherwise. The Art and Found’s old location was too big to fill with the merchandise that Royale had, and often felt empty and drafty, making it easier to identify the clothing’s flaws. In its former location, the store sold items from over 30 vendors as well as its own in-house brand. This mix of recycled, hand-made, organic, and vintage items under the umbrella term of sustainable often felt overwhelming and lacked a clear focus or direction. With the change of location, the store has undergone a cleanse of sorts. Rebranded, Royale seems to be much more focused on her own line, and has improved her sewing skills as well as her design to create a cohesive collection. The smaller space is cozy and Bohemian, a look that I think was always sought after. The reduction in vendors has kept the focus local. Many of the fabrics Royale uses come from Sew Green next door (a shop composed entirely of donated fabric and yarn that shares the Art and Found’s philosophy), and the open walkway between the stores houses a new community for the creative and for sustainable fashion within Ithaca. The merchandise still has the same unique, one-of-a-kind appeal that it had formerly, but the eccentricity now has purpose. Everything Royale sells fits as if it is part of a formula, derived to fit her newly refined aesthetic. Today, when I walk into the Art and Found, I feel like I am entering a closet. Not everything can be worn together, not everything is for the same occasion, but you know that it all follows the same formula and the same tastes, and this clear decisiveness is what draws me in. The Art and Found may still be on the pricy side, but for what it has developed into, the price is reflected in the product. Royale’s sewing skills advance with each design and the ideal of sustainability behind it all promotes an ethical approach to fashion. Items are made locally, each unique from what mainstream stores have to offer, each promising something new and exciting to add to your wardrobe. If you haven’t seen the new location, a visit is definitely worth your time.
By TRISTAN ENGST, Staff Writer
he title sounds like a paradox, right? Thanks to two-hour delays, it isn’t. Since December, ICSD’s new policy and extreme weather have combined to result in four two-hour delays. Although the shortened class times didn’t help some classes, I can’t help but wonder if a hearty dose of these days is beneficial, especially given the extreme weather. While a shortened school day initially seems like it would reduce student learning, this isn’t the case, given the weather. When I asked Mr. Trumble what the consequences of this year’s extreme weather would have been without the adoption of delays, he told me, “The majority of [late-start] days would have resulted in the cancellation of school.” Obviously, four-anda-half hours of school are more conducive to learning than zero, though many teachers believe that the shortened 30-minute periods are too brief to truly communicate new information effectively. Ms. Hecht, IHS’s orchestra teacher, told me that she’s “started each of the delay days worried about having incomplete rehearsals and lessons because of the shortened periods.” However, Ms. Hecht went on to say that she “ended up impressed with how much was accomplished. Everyone seems to adopt a ‘we’ll work faster because we have to’ attitude, which has led to some really high-energy and productive class time.” I wonder why: several sources told me that they used the extra two hours of these days to sleep. Indeed, Zak Stillman ’16 told me that the delay “made learning better because I [had] time to sleep so I can be more awake for class.” It seems that whatever the problems of the shortened periods are, they aren’t snowballing. Certainly, I hope next year’s weather will be more moderate. According to the Ithaca Journal, this year’s extreme weather has cost Dryden and Ithaca $41,650 in extra road salt, and that cannot be presumed to be the limit of the negative economic impact. Still, a handful of delayed starts would go far to break up the monotony of school, and really aren’t that harmful. Like chocolate, delayed starts could be unhealthy in excess, but are amazing in small amounts.
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OPINION
New York State
Governor Cuomo’s Modest Proposal By KALIL HENDEL
IMAGE PROVIDED
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Andrew Cuomo, the governor of New York.
ew York governor Andrew Cuomo recently unveiled a set of reforms that continue many of the policies his administration has been pushing for in recent years: standardized metrics of teacher evaluation, incentives to keep schools from failing, and a boost in the strength of New York’s charter school program. Sounds alright, right? Let’s take a look at the proposed reforms and break down what’s essential to know about each. How are teachers evaluated? This question is at the root of almost every important decision Cuomo makes, and it’s the driving force behind most of his education rhetoric. For Cuomo, quantitative teacher evaluations are a given; he’s particularly concerned with the methods and extent of the evaluations. New York teachers are currently evaluated through a combination of observation and testing. Sixty percent of a teacher’s “effectiveness” score is based upon an observer’s reports of their in-classroom skill. Twenty percent is from student performance on local tests; the remaining 20 percent comes from students’ performance on state tests. Cuomo would like to see all local testing eliminated so that half of evaluations would be based on standardized state test scores, and half on teacher observations. This allows Cuomo and his team a great deal of control over what curriculum is deemed important, and gives almost no room for the teachers on the ground to make decisions for their students. Along with the reform plans, Cuomo has presented a few incentives to sweeten the deal and allay the inevitable protest from teachers’ unions,
April 2015
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and teachers, and students. After evaluations, teachers are split into four categories: “highly effective”, “effective”, “developing”, and “ineffective”. Under Cuomo’s proposal, a teacher’s rating would determine several things: five consecutive “effective” or “highly effective” ratings would be required for tenure, two “ineffective” ratings in a row would result in immediate termination, and the current Master Teacher program (see the March issue of the Tattler for more) would be extended to include a $20,000 bonus for teachers who achieve a score of “highly effective”. Another large incentive that Cuomo is providing is a 4.8 percent (or $1.1 billion) increase in school funding if his plan is approved. There is significant evidence that an increased emphasis on test results does not improve student performance, and that cash incentives only lead to cheating, not learning. Whether the trend will reverse in New York remains to be seen. Cuomo has also been a vocal supporter of the charter school movement. His plan would increase the number of charter schools allowed in the state from 460 to 560, provide an additional $750 in aid per student to the schools, and would give students from failing public schools preference when applying to charter schools. Charter schools are run privately and typically nonunion, and are criticized by some as a method for wealthy investors to earn tax credits. Opponents have argued that Cuomo’s strategy is an attempt to jump ship on public schools and invest heavily in charter while setting public schools up to fail with programs that are proven to be ineffective. While this may seem somewhat of a reach, Cuomo’s actions thus far do appear to show a profound disconnect from the realities of teaching in a public school. Unsurprisingly, the sweeping plans are setting Cuomo heavily at odds with the very people he’s trying to help. “I’m hearing an old song. Let’s attack the teachers and blame them for what’s wrong with education,” said Michael Mulgrew, president of the United Federation of Teachers. His voice has been echoed throughout the state, with numerous protests against the reforms springing up in New York and Albany. One of the largest opposition leaders has been New York City mayor Bill de Blasio, who has long supported public education and believes that charter schools should not hold the spotlight in education reform. In addition, Cuomo’s desire to further integrate the Common Core testing standards into schools’ curriculum via state testing requirements is sure to reignite controversy over the already controversial Core. State lawmakers are expected to vote on the proposal by April 1. If you’re reading this, be sure to look up their decision.
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April 2015
Party Culture
Parties Are Not for the Light of Heart By CARVER JORDAN, Staff Writer
P
op culture constantly bombards us with what pigs men are, saying that our sex organs determine every decision we make in life. While that is not necessarily true for all of us, I continue to hear stories from guys detailing who they hooked up with, when, where, etc., and it is becoming increasingly difficult to speak in defense of my gender. Usually, these interactions occur at parties. I am not, in the slightest, opposed to parties. However, I recently heard stories from multiple people about an event they attended at which someone spiked the refreshments with Xanax and handed the drugged drinks out to many of the guests—mostly girls. For those of you who don’t know (as I didn’t), the combination of Xanax and alcohol can result in especially poor decision-making, dizziness, and, most importantly, memory loss. The event in question was not a big college party at Cornell or IC; it wasn’t in a big city where people may not have been familiar with the other guests in attendance—it was in Ithaca, New York, with a group of people who all go to the same school and have all had conversations before. I think that is what really astounds me most—that a person could actually drug an acquaintance, or even a friend, in order to check some sexual goal off their to-do list, knowing they will talk to said person again (not that it is any less wrong for someone to drug and assault a complete stranger). Unfortunately, that is not the only example I’m aware of in which guys’ decision-making was guided by their libido and in which the morals I can only hope their parents instilled in them were ignored. Rehashing ninth grade is probably not something anyone likes to do, but I think it’s important in order to recognize the depth of this matter. It was a time of “maturation” (as I’m sure we called it) when we
OPINION headed down to those ridiculous CSMA dances so that we could all inappropriately rub against each other and “dance”. We may not be the class that coined “grinding”, but we are certainly the one to have exacerbated the problem beyond repentance: those CSMA dances were quickly shut down (which I suppose can be equally attributed to the use of drugs and alcohol that the dances were largely an excuse for). I look back and I genuinely see no reason that guys, including myself, attended events such as these other than to dance with girls. It was radical. It was the dopest thing you could do next to kissing them, and at the end of the night, you would assess how well you had done almost as if you were counting your candy after a bountiful Halloween night of trick-or-treating. I suppose that they were mostly innocent because the peo-
ple involved, from my understanding, were at least consenting, although they weren’t even close to being adults. With that being said, if I ever see my thirteen-year-old daughter involved in any activity similar to those dances, I doubt I’ll be so quick to dismiss it. This phenomenon of ranking ourselves as men by the number of women we’ve interacted with is only going to escalate once we move to college. I remember when, during a visit to Syracuse University, I was at a house that was rented out to all of the junior-year rowers—pretty much a fraternity—where I will likely be living in three years. There was this one guy about my size whom I felt like I could relate to. He was wearing a warm, oversized flannel, a backwards-camouflage baseball hat, well-loved leather boots, and his uni, which he probably hadn’t taken off since practice. This made for a pretty funny sight, and the guy seemed pleasant enough, but when someone mentioned this one party, he smiled
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and gloated about his accomplishment of having slept with not one, but two girls that night. The similarities I had noticed between him and me faded soon after this comment, and this was mostly because I no longer wanted to see any. Unfortunately, it also seemed like the freshmen had taken after their elders; I remember overhearing one of them talk about how there was a picture of him online at a party with his hand under a girl’s dress while dancing on a table. Astonished by this, I asked how he could be proud of something so private being plastered over social media. An awkward silence fell upon the conversation. I felt like I had been disowned from the group, and was treated as merely a boy among men from then on. All of this makes me think about my sister, a women and gender studies major now completing her junior year at Wells College just up the lake, a liberal woman to say the least. Carson, my sister, has told me stories detailing her escapades at Wells parties during which she will go around and seek out couples engaging in adult acts and make it clear that both people should be coherent and consenting to what is happening. Because of this, she sometimes appropriately refers to herself as the “Consent Police”. Her actions, including but not whatsoever limited to her self-perceived role at parties, however, have earned her the nickname of “Feminazi”. This really is a rather clever play on words because it takes the conflicting ideals of feminism, the belief in equal rights for all genders, and nazism and clumps them together into one outlandish, nonsensical word. It’s interesting how trying to go against the grain in this rape culture we live in—in which the first question asked to the victim is usually, “What were you wearing?”—results in an uproar. I don’t feel comfortable going to parties with my girlfriend anymore, not because I think predators have become more able to seduce her or because I don’t trust her, but because I don’t trust that people are playing fair. I don’t like feeling the need to tell her not to take any drinks offered to her, not that she even needs the reminder. I’m starting to lose faith in my gender, and in my generation. It seems simple, really. If someone needs convincing in order to get them into bed, whether it be with actions, words, drinks, or pills, they probably don’t really want to be there.
OPINION
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IHS Staff
A T T ENT I
To Cheryl
ON S T UDE
By A STUDENT
IMAGE BY BRIDGET FETSKO
O
It is very sad to see Cheryl go.
ften the sweetest things in life are the things we take for granted. They can be little and seemingly insignificant—like a warm gesture between two strangers on the street—or big and profound—a loving and tight-knit family, perhaps. At IHS, we frequently praise the dedication of our teachers, but in doing so overlook some very important people in our community. This is both a letter of congratulations and an expression of gratitude to one such person: Cheryl Oltz, beloved food service helper of the leftmost lunch line, has retired after 31 years in the ICSD. Cheryl said she was retiring so that she could take better care of her aging mother. Such selflessness should come as no surprise to anyone who has spoken with Cheryl, for her geniality and warmth have made lasting impressions even on those she only seldom interacted with. Every morning, Cheryl would greet you with an energetic “good morning” and bright smile, regardless of whether it was only 8:00 a.m., whether there had been yet another unscheduled fire drill, or how darn cold it still was in late March. Cheryl made a continuous effort to learn your name, to remember whether you preferred a cup or tray for French toast, to fathom your curious addiction to lemon-lime Gatorade in the mornings. One Friday, after a student remarked that the hash browns were quite good and that many people seemed to enjoy them, Cheryl immediately relayed the feedback to her colleagues, and the next week, hash browns were served not once, but four times. And while you might spend less than half a minute in the line on any given day, chances are that Cheryl would say something humorous or chuckle heartily in those few seconds—and you would grin or laugh along because you just couldn’t help it. Alas, I seldom write such sentimental things, but Cheryl truly inspired me in her dedication to her job and, above all, her ceaseless devotion to brightening the day of every one of her “honeys”. Congratulations, Cheryl, and thank you.
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NT S: Appl icat ions next year a f or edit or posit ion of f ice and t hre available in t he s f or main Appl icat ions e l i brar y! are due Apr i l 27! Y our f irst is 2015 issue w sue wil l be a joint it h t he cur re J nt edit orsu.ne
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April Fool’s 2015
Fresh Off the Boat Continued from Page 7. Fresh Off the Boat is unique in its focus on the Asian-American audience. The immigrant experiences addressed within it are part of the memories shared by the children of Asian immigrants, and in basing the largest chunk of its humor and plot on a very specific part of the American experience, Fresh Off the Boat makes it absolutely clear that it is a show aimed at Asians first. For many Asian-Americans, this kind of focus and representation is both thrilling and terrifying, because while it’s one of the only times media has been crafted just for us, it’s also almost a guarantee that if the show tanks, we won’t see another all-Asian cast for 20 more years. This fear of losing what little representation exists is inescapable for most minorities, and especially for Asians. In a world where more than one in two inhabitants are Asian, and in a country where 5 percent of the population is Asian, why is it that so little of our media reflects the existence of Asian people? Moreover, why hasn’t anybody in the American entertainment industry realized the hunger Asian-Americans have for representation in the media? All of this was explored by Margaret Cho 20 years ago. Her show, while often criticized for being a watered down version of her acerbic and subversive stand-up, was innovative simply because of what its premise acknowledged. Cho built on the idea that in the U.S., Asians are invisible. Asians are only very rarely seen on TV or in the movies, and when they are, they are often used for very specific purposes. Perhaps the least offensive of the Asian media tropes is the grade-obsessed nerd; on the other end of the spectrum are characters like Han Lee of 2 Broke Girls, whose sole purpose is to embody the cliche of Asian men as passive eunuchs. Asian-American representation is essential. Representation dispels stereotypes held by others and encourages confidence in minorities. By creating a more inclusive picture of America, we allow ourselves to more generously imagine those around us—and this is absolutely critical in understanding the role Asian-Americans play in our society.
OPINION A major goal in writing this piece was to explore the myth of the model minority. As mentioned previously, Asians are typically portrayed in media as extremely driven and intelligent, and it’s popular to joke about an A– being an “Asian F”. As a result, most people stereotype Asians as studious and high achieving. In discussions of American racial bias and white privilege, Asians are frequently cited as a successful minority, which seemingly proves that the system does not favor white people; in fact, some would argue, the system favors Asians, as can be seen in the large number of Asian college graduates, lawyers, and doctors. It is incredibly dangerous to buy into that argument. For one thing, it’s based on faulty logic and distorted statistics. For another, it distracts from the real problems underlying racial relations in the U.S. First, let’s address the misconceptions behind the myth of the model minority. One frequently cited fact is that Asians have a larger median family income than other groups. While this is true, Asian-Americans are also more likely to be married and tend to have larger extended families, which contributes to a larger family income in spite of a median personal income that lags behind that of white Americans. Asians are stereotyped as pursuing careers in medicine and law, but amongst vulnerable Southeast Asian immigrants like the Vietnamese, college degree attainment rates are just 20 percent—less than half the rate for other Asian-American ethnic groups. For Laotians, Cambodians, and the Hmong, the rate is even lower, at 10 percent. Because of the radically different circumstances surrounding the immigration of, say, a middle-class Chinese college student and a Hmong refugee, it’s almost impossible to assess the success of Asians as a whole. This is why Asians need more representation—so that everyone’s story can be told and the public can see the full spectrum of the Asian experience. This is also why it’s dangerous, when speaking about race, to group Asians together and use them as a model minority, thereby permitting white-privilege deniers to bury their heads in the sand. Asians have been the most successful non-European group to assimilate.
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However, this has often come at the cost of pushing others down. The themes of assimilation, Americanization, and otherness come up a lot in Fresh Off the Boat—how could they not? One of the recurring themes is Eddie’s relationship with Walter, the only African-American boy in his school. They are both identified as “other” in a predominately white neighborhood. Eddie also strongly identifies with black rap artists, and while the reasons for this differ between the show and the memoir, it effectively aligns him with the marginalized African-Americans of the 1990s. The irony is that in spite of his empathy toward African-Americans, Eddie jumps at any opportunity to spend time with the white top dogs, often leaving Walter behind. Eddie knows that if he wants to get on top, someone has to take his place at the bottom. That’s not the way social dynamics should work. Every minority should be able to benefit from the advancement of another. People of color should act together to challenge racist ideas and biased institutions. Unfortunately, even the faintest possibility of solidarity is destroyed when the model minority comes out. Discussions about race and white privilege quickly devolve into comparisons of who has suffered more and accusations of insincerity when one minority is perceived to be favored above another and to not be seeking out improvement for others. The model minority is a distraction. It’s smoke and mirrors, keeping us from addressing the real problems. Ithaca is far from perfect, but with dozens of ethnicities represented within ten square miles, it offers a lot of chances for interaction with groups outside of one’s own. While changing Hollywood, and America in general, may be out of our reach today, we can certainly seize the opportunity to reflect both on how we consume media and how we interact with society every day. Although Social Justice Week is behind us, we should never stop questioning our own biases and the power structures we support. If you don’t think it’s right that for one group to Americanize, someone else must by default become less American, fight it. Never let yourself unthinkingly endorse injustice.
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April 2015
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features Costa Rica Trip
2015 Bethe Lectures Code Red Costa Rica Teacher feature Ned’s Pizza Pokemon Club
Science Lecture
Costa Recap By ERIC SINTON
IMAGE PROVIDED
Literally Awesome: The 2015 Bethe Lectures By SOPHIA SHI
O At an airport on the way back from Costa Rica, students ran into Shaquille O’Neal, retired professional basketball player.
A
fter more than a year of planning, the IHS Costa Rica Club embarked in February on their week-long escape to warm weather, amazing scenery, and plenty of gallo pinto (a very common rice and bean dish). I can confirm any rumors that may have made those back at home jealous. Yes, there is plenty of sun. Yes, the food is amazing. Yes, there are little monkeys on the beach who try to steal from your backpack. If you didn’t come on this trip, it is well worth your while to visit Costa Rica at some point in your life. Our expedition was divided into three main parts: tours of a volcano, a forest, and a beach. No, our itinerary was not borrowed from Dora the Explorer. We stayed in several little local hotels, which made us feel a lot closer to the “real” Costa Rica. Accompanying us were the ever-amiable guide Carlos and the quiet-but-friendly driver Eladio. The latter had an uncanny ability to maneuver our behemoth tour bus around narrow and winding dirt roads. For those who take Spanish at IHS, speaking with Carlos and Eladio in addition to a plethora of locals was great language practice as well as a little experience in immersion. Because Costa Rica is the most developed country in Central America, we could still enjoy commodities such as big supermarkets and flushing toilets. In contrast, Nicaragua is only one hundred miles from Costa’s capital but not nearly as well off. Seeing that tourism is the main economic contributor to the country, a lot of our experiences were indeed tourist-oriented. There were, however, plenty of chances for us to experience a bit more raw culture, particularly in cities that contained big churches (70 percent of the population is RoContinued on Page 17.
n March 18, approximately one hundred people sat expectantly in Schwartz Auditorium at Cornell University. It was the night of the Bethe public lecture, the culmination of a series of talks given in honor of Hans Bethe, the visionary, Nobel Prize–winning nuclear physicist who did much of his research in the very building I hurried to on that brisk Wednesday evening. William Bialek, professor of physics at Princeton University, was scheduled to present a talk called “More Perfect Than We Imagined: A Physicist’s View of Life”. Continued on Page 19.
IHS Clubs
What Really Goes On in Code Red Robotics? By ROSIE ROSS
C
ode Red is known by many as that geeky club that builds a robot. Some may also know that the club participates in community service year round, hosts an annual LAN party, and sells LED lightbulbs. But if you’re not a member of the club, it can be hard to grasp exactly how the team operates. You may hear enough about how fun or exhausting it is from friends who are members, but what exactly does Code Red do during their intensive build season? Build season starts on the first Saturday of January—an early ending to winter vacation. The 70-plus members, alumni, and mentors, many with professions in engineering, crowd into York Auditorium and watch the live-streamed game release. The game is what the robot will be participating in, and is developed by For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology (FIRST), an organization whose goal is to get adolescents interContinued on Page 17.
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FEATURES
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Club Feature
Teacher Feature
By JACY HOLLANDER, ANDREW JIN, and JESSE YUAN
By JAMES YOON
Cassidy Fisk
Pokémon Club
IMAGE BY JAMES YOON
IMAGE PROVIDED
I
Youngster Joey’s shorts: comfy since 1999.
magine you’re walking in the woods. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot an exclamation mark pop up over a youngster’s head. He approaches you and says, “I like shorts; they’re comfy and easy to wear!” [cue battle music]. This incident is commonplace in Pokémon Club. Every Wednesday in the IHS library, Pokémon fans from most grades can be found playing Pokémon, hoping to become the very best like no one ever was—or simply battling for fun. Members of the club play both casual and competitive games using an online Pokémon simulator sponsored by the prestigious Smogon University: Pokémon Showdown! Unlike the traditional handheld Pokémon games, Pokémon Showdown is meant to elevate Pokémon to a competitive level, and as such, simulates battles where every Pokemon is maxed out to its fullest potential—at level 100. You can pick any Pokemon you want, with any move that could be obtained in the actual game. Pokemon are organized into tiers according to their strength so that the godly powerful Arceus doesn’t end up battling your common wimpy Weedle or trashy Trubbish. Players then battle other Trainers from all over the world. A ranking system keeps track of a player’s skill and matches them to equal opponents, ensuring that games are intense and fun for all. Some of our members are ranked as the very best in the world: Daniel Xu ’17 was formerly ranked #1 out of over 200,000 players, and Jesse Yuan ’15 was ranked #3 before being flogged by college applications. For those players inexperienced or unfamiliar with Continued on Page 16.
I
Ms. Fisk in her natural habitat.
n a mysterious corner in upstairs G-Building lies a dimly lit room, where Ms. Fisk teaches Global History 2 and Economics. Although she has only taught at IHS for two years, she has already made her presence known in the school community. In class, Ms. Fisk often talks about her personal life and her relationship with her family. I sat down with her to learn more about her story. James Yoon ’17: Where did you grow up and go to school? Cassidy Fisk: I grew up in Ithaca, New York, and I went to school at Enfield Elementary, DeWitt Middle School, and IHS. For the first year of college, I went to Nazareth College, which is in Pittsford, New York, and I transferred to SUNY Cortland for both my bachelor of arts in social studies education and political science and my master of science in literacy education. JY: What were you like growing up? CF: I think I was funny and energetic. I played tennis for IHS. I was kind of friends with everybody; I didn’t just stick to one group. I’ve always been tight with my family, which has been very important to me. JY: You talk a lot about your family in class. Tell us about your family. CF: I live with my mother and father. My mother works at Cayuga Heights Elementary School. I have a brother who’s 23 and who also attended IHS. I also have a jido, which means grandfather in Arabic. He’s Syrian. I’m also very close to my cousins. JY: How did your childhood experiences influence your identity? CF: I went to Enfield and had a teacher named Ms. Lynch. She was my kindergarten teacher. Ever since I entered her classroom, I’ve been interested in school and learning in unconventional ways. Also, I always liked to be outside catching critters and things like that. That has shaped who I am today. When I went off to college, I realized how different places are. I became more open-minded. Continued on Page 18.
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FEATURES
April 2015
15
The Hall Monitor Interviews and photographs by MATTIE HAUSE
What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen happen at IHS?
Alex Kilts ’15: “Some kid’s aunt came to the school to beat up this other kid, and she was running through the hallways and banging on the lockers.”
Abia Smith ’16: “A football team that didn’t win any games. . . . Crazy, seeing that I played for them!”
Maddie Crooker ’17: “Poop in the urinals.”
Cameron Hartman ’17: “When the cops came. I saw one kid get tackled because he had a loaded crossbow.”
Ellie Glahn ’15: “Once, Clara and I walked straight through a fight.”
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FEATURES
April 2015
Ithaca Community
Restaurant Review: Ned’s Pizza By ISAAC LAWSON-HUGHES
IMAGE PROVIDED
H
ave you ever tasted creation? Bitten into a cloud? Smelled a rainbow? No? Well, then you’ve never tasted Ned’s Pizza. A simple slice of cheese is the finest showcase of their work. Like great pianists, who prove their mastery through interpretation of the classics, Ned’s cheese pizza has a touch of the divine. The name of the establishment may deceive you, for Ned’s sells more than just pizza. Fries, chicken strips, subs, baba ganoush—you name it: Ned’s probably has it. Grab a bite at Ned’s! Despite its dingy wood panels and slightly sticky floors, Ned’s is a fine establishment. The restaurant is tucked away in the nook between the Cayuga Heights Police Department and a gas station. What first struck me was its owner, Ned, a shiny-headed, mustached man who greeted me by shouting in French, Arabic, and English. Throughout the year, I have visited my friends at Ned’s. My excuse is that I’m stopping in for a slice of the heavenly thin-crust pizza, but I really go to sing Spanish ballads with Ernesto or watch Justin’s crazy dance moves. Ned’s is a great place. The pizza will knock your socks off. So try Ned’s; you won’t leave unsatisfied. Ned’s Pizza Price: 4/5 stars Hours: Mon–Fri: 10 a.m.–9 p.m.; Sat–Sun: 11 a.m.–9 p.m. Phone: (607) 266-3300 Location: 840 Hanshaw Rd #3, Ithaca, NY 14850 (no deliveries) Web: www.nedspizzaithaca.com
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Applications for next year’s editor positions are open to April 27. Anyone is welcome to apply!
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Pokemon Club Continued from Page 14. Showdown, which requires much more strategy than is used in the handheld games, help is always available from the club. Club member Ted Bauer ’15 often comes for assistance in his Pokémon battles. “Before Pokémon Club, I made up type advantages that didn’t exist!” he said. “But now, it has helped me take steps towards becoming a Pokémon master.” Thanks to Pokémon Club, Bauer no longer believes that Electric-type Pokemon have an advantage over Steel types, despite the sound logic behind this assumption. Every meeting, co-founders and Pokémon masters Yuan and Jacy Hollander ’15 are available to give seminars or individual assistance on Pokémon battle strategy and techniques. “It really is exciting to learn Pokémon with others,” said Andrew Jin ’15. “We are a close-knit community that helps ourselves get better.” Club members also hone their skills by battling other members of the same level in local battles while advised by a more experienced player. Although Showdown is the club’s main activity, any media form featuring Pokémon is open to discussion. Whether they be fans of the handheld games, anime, trading cards, or other games that include Pokémon, such as those from the Super Smash Bros. series, anyone is welcome to drop in on the club. All meetings are informal, and Pokémon lovers of any kind are encouraged to attend.
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FEATURES
April 2015
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Costa Recap Continued from Page 13.
Code Red Continued from Page 13.
man Catholic), local markets, and open plazas. Costa Rica is one of the more ideal places to learn about biological subjects. Dramatic drops in elevation and changes in climate place drastically different ecosystems in close proximity to one another. In an educational sense, there was plenty to learn about the various ecosystems, native species, and environment of the country. For example, there’s a native plant, Monstera deliciosa, that “intentionally” creates holes in its leaves so that they appear gross and inedible to scouring insects. The holes also serve the purpose of letting more light through to lower leaves. There’s actually a related plant near the windows in the IHS library. Of course, any summary of this trip must include our . . . elongated adventure home. In short, our flight from Miami to New York was canceled (not delayed), so what ensued was a general cascade of chaperones and students spread over five separate flights for which everyone was on standby. For you math whizzes out there, consider the following problem—given 33 kids and five chaperones, send all of them home safely using the following restrictions: no more than ten kids can travel with one chaperone, and no more than five standby seats are expected to open up for each flight. Literally impossible? Yes. Did the chaperones pull it off? Obviously. Five-hour card games, sleeping back-to-back, witnessing real adult I-can’t-do-this crying, a halfawake encounter with Shaq; we ran the whole gamut. In the end, everyone made it home to snowy, chilly Ithaca. If you see a chaperone in the hallway (Gray, Zolnik, Denisoff, Brindisi, Mellander), give them a pat on the back; they more than deserve it. Costa Rica was the trip of a lifetime. The group bonded impressively during those nine days, and I can say with full confidence that by the end, everyone felt like they had known each other a lot longer than a week. Friendships were made, sunburns were branded, and we left with some amazing memories to share with one another. ¡Pura Vida!
ested in the STEM fields. This stream typically includes some tips from Dean Kamen, founder of FIRST, and Woodie Flowers, one of the many game designers, as well as safety information. The stream concludes with the game video and the release of the game manual. This year’s competition has been dubbed Recycle Rush, and requires the robot to lift and stack a variety of recycling bins to receive the most points. Together, the video and manual include everything that a team needs to know about the rules of the game. From then until 5 p.m., members discuss strategy and possible designs for the robot, using input from mentors and alumni to shape their ideas. Anywhere from the first few days to the first week is spent developing Code Red’s solution to the challenge. A typical build session starts at 4:30 after school. The president or build team manager (BTM) starts the meeting by going over the night’s goals. The team strives to find an efficient system for producing the robot. What we do models the way a business works in real life, with each specialized group passing their work on to the next for maximum efficiency. This model starts with design. Each design team is responsible for one component of the robot. The teams test their ideas by making prototypes, and when they find a system that works well, they create a digital representation—computer-aided design (CAD)—of it and order metal and hardware for its creation. This CAD is then given to CADers, members of the team who generate an assembly of all of the parts of the robot, making sure that no parts physically conflict and the robot is within the size constraints of the rules. This year, our robot’s main components are a horizontal claw that can move vertically to pick up cylindrical bins and an elevator system to raise and stack rectangular bins. In addition, the robot houses a pair of “wings”, two poles with hooks, that are designed to extend during the autonomous period of the match to pull bins from the center of the field to the robot’s respective side. When pieces of the CAD are completed on the computer, technical drawings can be printed, providing instructions for the machinists of the team to create the parts. On any given winter night, you might observe room E16’s mills, lathes, and bandsaw running under the control of Code Red members. Others might don masks and leathers, hard at work behind the welding curtain. Once parts are completed, they are organized and given to the those who work on the assembly of the robot. Under mentor and BTM direction, the robot is finally built. But that’s only half the fun. A select group of students with talent and extensive knowledge of electronics and programming work to write the code that controls the robot, both autonomously and manually. They are also responsible for wiring the entire robot. If you’ve ever seen one of Code Red’s masterpieces, you may have observed the ludicrous number of wires it takes for the robot to run. This is still not all the team does. Walk through room E11, and at the computer banks, you’ll see the media team, scouts, and web site designers working on their latest projects and PR and the Outreach Coordinator finding new ways to help in the community and increase publicity. Code Red is not just hard, boring work. The diversity of jobs on the team, from administration to punching holes in metal, allows students to find their niche, whether they like paperwork or handiwork. All that the team does would not be possible without the mentors. They teach students everything from machining to making spreadsheets. Plus, it’s always nice to see the familiar faces of Code Red alumni, many of whom return frequently when they can to pass on their skills. It’s truly a testimony to Code Red’s welcoming atmosphere that IHS graduates come back to high school to help out. Though it’s relieving, it’s also always sad when build season ends. The robot is bagged and packed for competition, the tech rooms are cleaned, and the students drive home to catch up on sleep. But though the exhilaration of build is over, the satisfaction of seeing the robot compete is only a few weeks away.
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April 2015
Teacher Feature Continued from Page 14. JY: What was your biggest goal? CF: I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. I once tried to kid myself that I wanted to be a lawyer for a year, but that didn’t work out so well. So I decided to go with my gut and become a teacher. JY: When did you become interested in history? CF: I actually had Ms. Shenk, who was my government teacher. I really loved that class. We went to Five Points Prison and studied many constitutional cases. That got me into constitutional law. That’s why I wanted to become a lawyer for a little while. But then, I changed my mind because I wanted to help people. Lawyers don’t always necessarily help people. I think it’s important for students to be aware of what’s going on in the world and what has already happened in the past. JY: Why do you think it is important for students to learn about history and economics? CF: I think global history is important because it opens students’ eyes to the rest of the world. We focus so much on what’s going on in our own country and we don’t think about all of the hardships that people in other parts of the world are facing. I love teaching economics because it is very applicable to students’ lives. And it’s very easy to assess whether or not they understand what they are learning. Senior year is the perfect time to learn economics because they learn about how they can manage and invest their money. JY: Were there any major turning points in your life? CF: My biggest turning point was when I graduated with my master’s and bachelor’s. I immediately got a job here at IHS. It was a fast transition from grad student to adult, so it was a big shock to me—but a good shock. JY: Has your teaching experience met your expectations? CF: I love teaching here. I love all of my students and the classes that I teach. But there has been stuff that came with the job that I didn’t necessarily anticipate. Teaching has definitely met my expectations and I love what I do, but I came in thinking I could
FEATURES predict how each day would run. That’s not how it works. Teaching is a really unpredictable profession, and I think that’s one of the things that keeps it fun. JY: We talked about growing environments. What kind of an environment do you like to provide for your students? CF: I think that being in a classroom where one feels welcomed and comfortable is very important. I also try to be funny or sassy—I think a classroom shouldn’t be a space students dread to come to. I think mixing humor with the lesson helps students be engaged. JY: What do you like about teaching at IHS? CF: I love the diversity of the student body. I love how there are so many different opportunities for students. I love how there are so many networking opportunities with Cornell since it’s so close. I also love my department. Everyone in my department is supportive and willing to help. JY: How would you improve the school? CF: I would like smaller classes. I think it would make a huge difference to the way teachers would handle the classroom environment as well as how well students would absorb information. JY: How has education changed since you were a student? CF: When I was in high school, teachers were only getting laptops, and they were given barely any technology that aided teaching. I don’t remember what grade I was in, but there was a lot of racial tension at one point between African-Americans and Caucasians. There were a lot of fights that occurred. I don’t remember if it was from hatred or stereotypes, but it was definitely disconcerting. But now, I’ve been noticing how different groups of people interact with one another and it’s no big deal. People are more accepting of personalities, races, and identities. I’m glad that I’m part of the teaching staff now as opposed to back then because of this. JY: If you could go back in time and speak to the younger version of yourself, what would you tell her? CF: School is important. You should try your hardest in all of your classes. Don’t take life too seriously. Still remember to have fun.
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JY: What do you enjoy doing when you’re not at work? CF: I like to go hiking, ice skating, and crafting, and I like spending time with my family and close friends. In the summer, I love to swim or boat on Cayuga Lake. I’m also addicted to Pinterest. JY: What are you most proud of? CF: I’m kind of the first person in my immediate family who graduated from college. But I’m most proud of the fact that I worked hard. JY: What are your goals now, since you’ve reached your former goal of becoming a teacher at IHS? CF: I want to stay a teacher, since my position here isn’t necessarily permanent. Maybe one day, I could work my way into administration. But I picture myself being in the classroom for a really long time since I like adolescents. They’re really funny. I don’t like babies, though. [Laughs] JY: What is your best life tip to students? CF: Don’t take yourself too seriously. Sometimes, people take themselves too seriously and they get stressed out. I think this has led to a lot of mental health issues. Try to have fun with everything you do. I know you have work to do, but try to put a smile on your face and do the best job you can. Be open-minded. Try to help others. Also, realize that we live in a really awesome place. Take advantage of your surroundings. Favorites: Book: The Great Gatsby Music: Ed Sheeran; anything that pumps her up and puts her in a good mood Historical figure: Machiavelli Investor: Mark Cuban Food: Mashed potatoes Shoes: Birkenstocks
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FEATURES
Bethe Lectures Continued from Page 13. IMAGE BY SOPHIA SHI
William Bialek, professor of physics at Princeton University and master of beard-grooming, gave a talk that intersected biology and physics.
Bialek started off the evening with a batty anecdote—literally. Bats, as most people know, use echolocation to evaluate their surroundings. Whereas humans use vision to paint an image of the environment, bats create an auditory map to understand their world. But because sound travels slower than light, how accurately can bats, for instance, snatch their food out of the air? Answer: really accurately. Experiments showed that 75 percent of the time, bats were able to consistently evaluate changes in their environment to the nanosecond. This fascinating example set the tone for the rest of the evening: examining biological phenomena that meet the laws of physics in a way that seems almost too good to be true. Following was a series of more examples, each more impressive than the previous. For one, Bialek disputed the common misconception that flies have a kaleidoscopic view of the world. Humans have one lens through which stimuli reach our photoreceptors to be translated into information, but each of the fly’s photoreceptors has its own lens. Imagine
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looking through a clear golf ball, and you’ll get closer to a fly’s eye view. Because the lenses wrap around the head, a fly’s vision is very blurry. Scientists have actually modeled the relationship between head size and detail-resolution in perception with a simple equation. Bialek was a very engaging speaker, sparingly cracking witty jokes and explaining things with precision and clarity. His economical yet rich mode of speech was both admirable and dangerous, because if you tuned out for even a second, you might have missed a crucial detail. My only complaint was that he did not explicitly say when he would start discussing a new anecdote—they were all related, and all flowed into one another, which sometimes made the talk difficult to follow. But what I did glean from the lecture was a profound intrigue and respect for the stunning specificity of nature. Did you know that each human photoreceptor cell responds to a different photon due to a specific chemical structure in it? Or that in the early stages of fly embryonic development, the fly’s cephalic furrow, which divides the head from the rest of the body, will form consistently in the same place with an uncertainty of ±1 cell? Or that we understand human eyesight so well that we can actually mathematically calculate the weak points in our vision and target them, creating optical illusions? The talk, which was created for the general public, successfully demonstrated our fascinating ability to understand and model biological processes with mathematics and physics. I do not plan to pursue a scientific career. I will probably never parse the blood composition of rabbits, sequence corn DNA, or map out the musculoskeletal system of a platypus. But that doesn’t leave me any less fascinated by the complexity of the natural world. These seemingly esoteric experiments feed into the database of scientific discovery, sure, but on a more immediate level, they showcase the beautiful, circumstantial meticulousness that exists all around us. I could delve deeper into the scientific reasoning behind each, but I am equally content being impressed and appreciative of this biosphere. Bialek’s lecture showcased the quite literally awesome nature of nature and how it leveled with the boundaries of the possible.
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April 2015
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arts Playlist
Swing into Spring Playlist By BRIDGET FETSKO
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s the snow melts and the sun comes out, the music we listen to starts to change. It helps us get into the mood of the season. Music seems to get a little brighter. You start to sing along just a little bit more to that lovely song about sunshine. Spring is also a great time of year to revisit those old favorites hidden away in your music library. If you haven’t started to change your playlists yet and need some suggestions, this mini playlist should help you swing into spring. “Here Comes the Sun”: The Beatles This is an extremely obvious but perfect choice. You can never go wrong with the Beatles. Sun, sun, sun—here it comes. “Folding Chair”: Regina Spektor “Brighter Than the Sun”: Colbie Caillat Both Regina Spektor and Colbie Caillat have the perfect style for any spring playlist. “Shake It Off ”: Taylor Swift Because why not? “Daydream”: The Lovin’ Spoonful An oldie but a goodie. “Sing Together”: Train This is just a feel-good song. “Upside Down”: Jack Johnson Another essential artist for spring playlists. “You and I”: Ingrid Michaelson Cute songs like this are perfect for spring. “Smile”: Uncle Kracker Uncle Kracker is often forgotten, but this song is great. “Talking Dreams”: Echosmith Most have only heard “Cool Kids”, but Echosmith has other good music. “Fun, Fun, Fun”: The Beach Boys If you like old music, any Beach Boys song can find a place on your spring playlist. “Happy”: Never Shout Never Continued on Page 21.
Catch me if you can review a girl walks home along at night Spring playlist super smash touch review
IHS Play
Catch Me If You Can: A Review By ABBY COOPER
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ne of the first things you probably noticed if you went see Catch Me If You Can was the pit orchestra. They were showcased on a balcony overlooking the stage, and, dressed in their white tuxedos, the band members greatly contributed to the atmosphere, not only in their music but also in their appearance. These talented musicians accompanied the story line very well, adding to the suspense, mockery, and fun. Ithaca High School’s 2014-15 musical was an interesting tale about a teenage con man who was a pilot, doctor, and lawyer all before the age of 19 (and, of course a millionaire). Adapted from the movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks, Christian Henry and Jason Wang took the roles of a runaway conman and grumpy FBI officer, respectably, and added their own pluck and persona to improve these characters. The musical starts at the end: Frank being caught on the run. From that point on, Frankl tells his backstory to the FBI who caught him, and this interesting way of playing with time keeps you on your seat. Family played an essential role in the musical, especially after the flashbacks shows Frank's father lose the family fortune through cons, a practice Frank picks up on. Paula Abagnale was played by Keara Byron who put on a fabContinued on Page 22.
Movie Review
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night: A Review By JASPER MINSON
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hen a film bills itself as the “first Iranian vampire spaghetti western”, you can’t help but make a few immediate assumptions. I was instantly excited and intrigued (who wouldn’t be?) and my initial hopes were high, but I had my doubts as well. I feared that, despite its unique blend of genres, the film’s strengths would end with its premise. Nevertheless, when I walked into Cinemapolis to see Ana Lily Amirpour’s debut feature-length film, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, I tried my best to do so with a clean slate. I had no idea what I was in for. A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is an art film that focuses on the interactions among the various inhabitants of the ultra-sketchy Bad City. These creative and surreal characters include a violent pimp with a love for techno; a young working-class man named Arash (played by an actor of the same name); Arash’s junkie father, who is haunted by his past; a lonely prostitute with dreams of another life; a young boy with a skateboard; and yes, a vampire. And Continued on Page 23.
ARTS
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Video Games
Super Smash Bros.: The Game of Champions By YAFET ANDEMARIAM, Staff Writer
IMAGE PROVIDED
in 2008, I received my own copy of the third installment in the series, Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I didn’t get to really play it that day, but as soon as my parents left the house the following day, I set up my Wii and got the game rolling. When they came back around 6:00 p.m., I was halfway through the adventure mode: the Subspace Emissary. Super Smash Bros. Brawl was a very good game, and even though I liked Melee better, something about Brawl was just epic—especially with the main theme “Audi Famam Illius” and the sad but adventurous Subspace Emissary. Although it made some tiny adjustments from classic Smash gameplay, Brawl certainly sold well regardless. Half a decade later, Bandai Namco, a video game company most famous for Pac-Man, was apparently in charge of making the next Smash Bros. I cringed a bit, as they claimed they would include more third-party characters in the new edition, characters I detested. However, with the airing of E3 later that year, my mind was changed, as the game’s trailer showed it to be promising. With two versions coming out, I was definitely psyched. And then, when an eight-player mode was announced, a departure from the typical four-player system of the previous games, you could see how hyped the world was for this game. In mid-October of 2014, Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS released, and it was a good game despite classic elements of the series being dropped. The 3DS version is very useful to play if you’re itching for some Smash Bros. on the bus, on the streets, or sometimes in class (if you can hide it well).
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Super Smash Bros. Melee.
uper Smash Bros., a series that was actually intended for family play, has turned itself into a classic fighting game. First released in 1999, the original Super Smash Bros. for the holy grail of the 90’s (in my particular case, the 21st century)—the Nintendo 64—was created on a small budget, but managed to be a worldwide release. Then, in the year 2001, Nintendo went to another level and created Super Smash Bros. Melee for the Nintendo Gamecube. Melee would come to be a classic game: it had expanded versions of all content present in the original. With many memorable modes of play, Super Smash Bros. Melee could please almost any type of gamer. The game was so good that I’ve always wanted to own it—which might explain why I now own three copies of the game (my game has broken several times). And then, on a memorable night
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On November 21, 2014, Super Smash Bros. for the Wii U came out, and playing it was a beautiful experience. The gameplay was faster and better than that of Brawl. The eight-player mode may have been too much for me, but the game did not fail to impress, and even had a fun board-game mode integrated in it. It could’ve had more elements (like the story-driven adventure mode other games in the series had) and a better title, but it’s definitely worth buying a Wii U for. Super Smash Bros. has a legacy of bringing people together competitively, as seen in the famous YouTube video “Wombo Combo”. The video is known for showing a great Super Smash Bros. Melee combo known as the “Wombo Combo” and for its hilarious commentary. The video coined key phrases such as “That ain’t Falco!”, “happy feet”, and the first “Where dey at?”. The Smash Bros. franchise has spread throughout the world and sold over ten million copies in total. It has become one of Nintendo’s core franchises, along with Mario, Zelda, Donkey Kong, Pokémon, Star Fox, Metroid, F-Zero, Mother, and Yoshi. Even though games for the Xbox One, PS4, and the much-used PC are mostly played today, Super Smash Bros. will always remain in the heart of every gamer. Curiosity has already built up around the next Super Smash Bros. game. Hopefully, it will be a Smash Bros. Melee remake, but anything Smash Bros.–related is perfect for me.
Spring Playlist Continued from Page 20. Because it’s cute. “We Didn’t Start the Fire”: Billy Joel Because Billy Joel is fabulous. “Lips Are Movin’”: Meghan Trainor Because it’s fun to sing along to. “Lucky”: Jason Mraz with Colbie Caillat “Penny Lane”: The Beatles More Beatles. “Everything’s Okay”: Lenka Even more cuteness. “Knee Deep”: Zac Brown Band with Jimmy Buffet For the country lovers. “Rhythm of Love”: Plain White T’s And another cute song. AND NO SPRING PLAYLIST WOULD EVER BE COMPLETE WITHOUT . . . “In Summer”: Frozen soundtrack
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Book Review
Touch: A Review By PEARSE ANDERSON
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hough the year is still young, I believe that Touch by Alexi Zentner will be the best novel I read in 2015. Zentner, a local author, has built a temple to time, relationships, nature, and Americana in this close-to-perfect tale of magical realism. I met with Zentner to discuss writing and Touch. All of Touch takes place in Sawgamet, a boomtown in the northern woods of Rupert’s Land, the frontier above Quebec. When the novel takes place is another story. Touch’s narrator is Stephen Boucher, a pastor who refuses to stay asleep on the night his mother dies. She’s sick and old, and as her temperature boils over, Stephen begins to reminisce on all his ancestors who have lived in Sawgamet. Through this literary device, Touch takes place in any moment Stephen remembers or remembers being told in the last 70 years, from the 1870s to the 1940s. The Boucher name is traced back from Stephen to his father, Pierre, and then to his grandfather, Jeannot. Zentner refuses to view time as linear as he mixes the past with the present, along with inklings of the future, in every chapter. However, it’s more a mystery for the reader to solve than a confusing Pollockian mess. Each page I turned revealed new motivations, atmospheric details, and Chekhov’s guns that go off in the next 70 years of the story. Another brilliant way Zentner plays with time is through the relationships in Touch. Death does not mean a character is lost or that they stop growing and developing; it simply means they may not appear in person down the timeline; mothers, uncles, and friends remain present as stories, memories, and spirits postmortem. I never felt like death was an end, because as long as Stephen continued to talk about the town, the people lived on forever. “When you think about people who are important to us, they’re still important to us even if they aren’t in front of us,” Zentner told me. “So whether or not they are in the room, and whether or not they are alive, they can still be premier in our lives, and that’s one of the questions of the book.” This concept is pulled off seamlessly, and gives the novel a layer of depth and beauty. On the note of relationships, Touch chronicles one of great uniqueness and importance. Along with the main characters (mostly the Boucher family) there is another key character that has its own relationship with everyone else—winter. Winter is omnipresent in every paragraph of Touch. No matter the circumstances or characters, winter will rear its epic head. All characters eventually have an intimate relationship with winter, knowing the way snow sticks to their skin and hoarfrost to their beards and sharp coldness to their bones. Winter shapes the gold-mining town of Sawgamet into something dangerous and foreboding. Every time the meltwaters flowed in Touch, I knew the next terrifying winter would only be a few steps Continued on Page 23.
ARTS Catch Me If You Can Continued from Page 20. ulous French accent for the entirety of the show. When Frank is forced to choose between his parents after their divorce, he chooses a different course of action: running away. Frank decides he must make enough money in order get back all the money his father has lost, and it's this motivation that drives a lot of the musical. Frank Abagnale Sr was played by Honor Meyerhoff. Near the end of the show, Frank Sr dies, but not before Honor got to preform quite a few spectacular music numbers. Through a series of cons which include forging checks and posing as a pilot, doctor, and lawyer, Frank eventually attracts the attention of the FBI. Jason Wang embodied FBI officer Carl Hanratty perfectly; he was just the right amount of grumpy, commanding, and funny. The relationship between Carl and Frank grows throughout the musical, and despite Carl catching Frank, they eventually end up as friends. Christian and Jason did an amazing job transforming their characters into believable, three-dimensional people. Brenda Strong, played by Jewell Payne, was Frank’s colleague, girlfriend, and eventual fiance, was a great addition to the musical. On his wedding day, Frank reveals his true self as the Carl closes in on him. The musical ends right where it started; but now the story of the exciting, dynamic and hilarious chase has been told. The musical ends on a positive note. Frank has served his time and is to be released early into the custody of the FBI to work for them (much like Neal Caffrey’s situation in the TV show White Collar). The ensemble in Catch Me If You Can was brilliant. They were an imperative piece of the show, and deserve to be recognized. It was evident they had a lot of fun dancing and singing, as many of their songs were goofy and amusing. All of the actors and actresses who had solos preformed wonderfully. Jewell, of course, brought the audience to tears with the emotion in he voice, and Jason left the audience giggling at his lyrics. All in all, the musical was a great success, and the production staff, actors and actresses, pit orchestra, and stage crew worked tirelessly to put on such an amazing show. There has been some controversy over the choice of the show. I, for one, was put off by the lack of strong female leads this musical had. The love interest, who appeared halfway through, and the mothers of Brenda and Frank, were the only female characters not in ensemble. Lisa Podulka, who played Carol Strong, put on an amazing performance, as did Keara Byron. The casting choice for these roles, as for all of them, was very smart and each actor and actress lived off to the challenge, but I would have liked to see more of the members in ensemble in bigger roles. Of course, the ensemble itself is a large role and everyone’s talent apparent, but it would have been nice to see more leading female roles. The musical has a great storyline, however I am not sure if it was the best choice to be performed in a high school. “We were originally not too keen on the choice, and I would have liked to see traditional gender roles challenged,” says Lisa Podulka, “but in the end everyone got a lot of stage time.” Ally Mirin is in agreement: “At first we were upset with the choice because of the lack of female roles, but it was a very fun production and the ensemble played an integral role.” Everyone did seem to enjoy their part and contributed to the overall success of the musical. However it is my hope that next year’s musical will feature more non-traditional female characters.
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oh what a vampire she is. Presented only as “The Girl”, our titular vampire is a beautiful and unbelievably intriguing blend of headstrong individuality, dreamy romanticism, and terrifying secrets. Sheila Vand is perfectly cast in this role, and gives an outstanding and emotive performance that brings the character her unique air of beauty, mystery, and terror. Vand and the rest of the cast give outstanding visual performances and reveal character depths that dialogue alone could only hint at. These visual performances are essential to the film’s success. A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night operates primarily on atmosphere and style, so having actors who can do a lot with minimal dialogue is key to making the film work. While style may take emphasis, it is most definitely not a case of style over substance. For one thing, the script, while sparse, is packed with symbolism. That’s not to say the film has an overriding message, but it does contain a plethora of fascinating ideas, and it’s obvious that plenty of care went into their inclusion. Tried and true themes are present (light and dark, good and evil, etc.), but more singular symbols and narrative devices, such as the role of electric light, Arash’s ever-observing cat, and massive amounts of stolen jewellery, are among the most interesting. Further adding to the substance, Amirpour’s richly crafted backdrop of Bad City is almost another character in itself, with dark secrets practically seeping out of every shadow. It’s a refreshing dose of detailed world-building, which leaves the film’s universe open to possible continuations and further exploration and gives our characters more history and identity. It also leaves us with plenty of questions to ask. How did these people end up in this place? Why does half of the city seem completely empty? What, besides The Girl, could be contributing to that ever-growing ditch full of decaying bodies outside of town? I honestly can’t think of another film where shadows have looked so good.
IMAGE PROVIDED
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night Continued from Page 20.
April 2015
The Girl waits for trouble to come to her.
The cinematography is outstanding, with stark black-and-white emphasis reminiscent of David Lynch’s Eraserhead. I seriously cannot stress how impeccably shot this film is, which is made even more impressive by its $55,000 budget. The end result looks and sounds better than plenty of films with a budget two or three times that amount. Also very Lynchian are the sound design and soundtrack. The hissing drone of industry hangs in the air during a number of scenes, and tense moments are tightly crafted around abstract ambience and swells of noise. And on the soundtrack, well . . . I honestly don’t feel like I have the words to describe the incredible use of music in this film. Not since the eclectic soundtracks of classic Tarantino films has a film contained such a bold and indescribable soundtrack. So yes, I’ll admit, the stylistic choices that A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night prides itself on are by no means original, but their careful craft and application make it leaps and bounds more than just a clone of the work that inspired it. Like The Girl, it may wear its influences on its sleeve, but it wears them well. It’s a brilliant blend of genres and influences that never feels plagiaristic or excessive. The film also contains some truly unique comedic moments, which balance out the darkness and pulpiness and make it more fun. It’s also self-aware when it needs to be, which adds to this careful balance and veers the narrative out of the realm of pretentiousness. Rarely is a debut feature as brilliant as A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night. While it is no longer playing at Cinemapolis, I strongly encourage you to see it if you get the chance. There is a real magic to this film, one that only the very best of cinema can offer.
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Touch Continued from Page 22. away, and with it, life-changing decisions by the novel’s characters. “People who are in trouble show themselves more clearly than people not in trouble,” Zentner said. “It’s really easy to be a wonderful guy when nothing is going wrong.” Nature, not just winter, is ubiquitous in Sawgamet. Magic blends with the reality as Native American demons, such as the wendigos and qallupilluit, roam the edge of the same forest where men erect lumber mills and gold mines. “When you’re out in the woods and it’s dark, and you’re walking and you hear a branch break behind you, there’s a moment where you’re unsure if you believe in monsters. I think I was acknowledging the space on this country,” Zenter explained to me, detailing how large North America is and how much, whether mythical or actual, can exist in the world. This reasoning was a driving force in including such creatures. Townsfolk accept such beings like they inhabit the same world as us. Zenter argued that people today do the same thing as the townsfolk do in Touch: accept the unexplainable. Airplanes, phones, self-driving cars, he said, are all forms of magic we choose to live with and do not question. The shapeshifters and blood-drinkers of Inuit legend are, to Zentner, the magic that people lived with before magic was overtaken by technology, though the two are now indistinguishable. Touch is brilliant in its portrayal of an Americana-rich atmosphere. Touch is very much a book about masculinity and fatherhood, and the atmosphere showed that. “The themes I keep coming back to are the themes I am interested in in my own life. I tend to write about family, obligation, and duty and the way those come in conflict with desire and wants,” said Zentner. Friends bruised themselves sliding down the amateur waterslide. Men rode islands of floating timber downstream. Trailsmen passed each other in the woods and silently nodded. These small details build a perfect small-town environment, one where the American Dream is still within reach and everything seems endless. Zentner pairs this with American folklore and myth in a perfect duo. Golden deer, songbird swarms, and singing dogs bring another element of beauty and magic to Sawgamet. Touch is a masterfully crafted novel that I would recommend to anyone who wants a good story about life, magic, and family that will leave you breathless, satisfied, and wanting more.
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April 2015
sports
World Sports Op-Ed
Qatar World Cup Pushed Back to Winter 2022; FIFA Continues to Be the Worst By LIZ ROSEN
T
o the disappointment of soccer fans everywhere, FIFA recently announced that the 2022 World Cup would be pushed from summer to November, with Qatar declaring that the final would be held on December 18th. This unprecedented decision was made by the Qatari government without a vote by the FIFA executive committee, and could still be refused by FIFA or jeopardize Qatar’s role as host of the World Cup, but on March 19, FIFA accepted the change. While this move ostensibly came out of concern for players who would otherwise have had to play during summer in a country where the average daytime high exceeds 120 degrees, there are other issues at play. Many believe that Qatar’s bid never should have won in the first place; the tiny country has just two million citizens and is mostly barren, sand-covered plains. Additionally, Qatar is only 4,470 square miles—smaller than Connecticut. These issues of geography and climate are even more problematic in light of allegations that Qatar bribed FIFA to secure its spot as host. Such accusations are nothing new; Russia has met similar accusations for providing kickbacks to FIFA executive members in order to secure the 2018 Cup, and rumors abounded about corruption in the Brazilian 2014 World Cup. But with such a geographically unfavorable country’s bid winning out over those of much more temperate countries like the United States, Australia, Japan, and South Korea, some eyebrows have been raised. There are also claims that the World Cup has been moved back not out of concern for the players, but because the host country simply won’t be ready by the summer of 2022. Currently, Qatar plans on utilizing 12 stadiums for the World Cup; only three of them currently exist and all ofthose will have to be expanded. The other nine are under construction, and there are serious concerns that either the cooling systems or the stadiums themselves will not be ready in time. Furthermore, reports such as those published by The Guardian allege that Qatar has utilized slave labor. In interviews, many Nepalese workers said that they had been promised high salaries, but were forced to work in poor conditions for low wages upon their arrival. Immigrant workers are forced to turn their passports over to their bosses, and therefore cannot leave the country or seek other employment or working papers without the permission of their employers. A report released by the International Trade Union Confederation in March of 2014 estimated that in addition to the 185 workers who have already died, another four thousand more workers could die before the first game kicks off in 2022. All this raises the question: can fans continue to support FIFA? What must happen next for fans to rethink the power FIFA holds over a game that brings the world together?
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
sports op-ed track and field winter biking world cup in qatar
Spring Sports
Spring Preview: Varsity Track and Field By JULIA SINTON
W
hen I talk with other students about joining track and field, more often than not, they say, “I hate running,” or “I could never run that many laps,” or “Doesn’t it get boring?” Admittedly, we train over two hours per day, six days a week, and invitational meets can run up to eight hours from start to finish; in fact, Ithaca Relays often go well past 10:00 p.m. There are, however, specific moments that make all the training and hard work worth the effort. Every member, track or field, is part of a special family. We share a collective passion for competition that makes the team truly one of a kind. “This upcoming season will bring a lot of challenges as well as some great opportunities for people to really step up and get serious,” said veteran pole vaulter Jakob Markwardt ’15. Indeed, although IHS is considered a large school at invitationals because of our student population, we’re actually on the smaller side in terms of team size. Last year, IHS track and field sent some of its top scorers, especially in sprinting and jumping, off to college. Instead of discouraging us, however, this has incentivized us to work harder in every event we can, especially in the face of young talent on the team. There are a few goals that almost all IHS track and field athletes have this year. Like many other teammates, Ainslie Denman ’17 hopes for a team win at Ithaca Relays in 2015, especially after last year’s tie for first with Corning. Most athletes hope for a state qualifying mark, or to at least to beat their personal record. Cole Clemons ’15 wants to beat Corning’s throwing team and make his senior year memorable. Even though track and field is often perceived as an individual sport, every meet offers the opportunity to win a team title. Many people on the team say that we’re like brothers and sisters and are extremely supportive of each other. Some Saturday practices include full team obstacle courses or capture-the-flag games, which are all-around favorites. All in all, this spring is brimming with promise and potential for an incredible season. As Coach Hunter would say, “We’re going to be champions!”
SPORTS
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
April 2015
What Is Chip Kelly Thinking? By THEO COWETT
Recreation
Biking in Winter By THEA CLARKBERG
IMAGE PROVIDED
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Thea on her bicycle.
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aybe you have noticed a small black bicycle locked to the flagpole in front of IHS every day. That’s my bike, and her name is Cricket. I have biked to school every day this winter. It has been challenging, but also physically and mentally rewarding. It might seem ridiculous to brave the Ithacan winter on a bicycle, but I didn’t do it just to prove it could be done. I did it because it was easier than driving or taking the bus. The bicycle is a practical method of transportation—if you know what to expect. Biking is beneficial, not just for the environment, but for the biker. It goes without saying that biking reduces the amount of fossil fuels being used for transportation. There is a limited amount of nonrenewable resources underneath the earth, and if we can’t come up with something else to power cars before we run out of oil, biking is one of the few other options. That time, however, is still a ways into the future. Biking is a good method of transportation now, because it is, at least for me, an easier way to get to school. First of all, I get exercise, and the cold wakes me up with a nice slap in the face. Secondly, I don’t have to stand around waiting for a bus in the freezing cold. Last year, I rode my bike to school more frequently, starting when my school bus was half an hour late on one of those days when the wind stings and the cold bites. Biking may be colder than riding a bus, but at least you don’t have to stand still in the chill. The heaters on buses aren’t even that good anyway; I find them stifling. Finally, when I ride my bike, I can sleep in. It takes me less than 15 minutes to bike the 1.5 miles to school, so I can leave at 8:30 a.m. and still arrive in time for first period. In summary, biking allows me to no longer be dependent on other people for my transportation. You might be wondering how it is physically possible to bike to school in winter. I have two answers: an electric motor and good clothing. When I said my bike reduces the amount of fossil fuels being used, I was being honest, but it still does use fossil fuels. My bike is equipped with an electric motor. This is still a more environmentally friendly solution, as electricity can come from renewable resources, and an electric bike will always use less energy than an electric car because it is lighter. In fact, an electric bike is more efficient than traditional biking or even walking. With an electric motor, even a lazy person such as myself can bike through Ithaca, dear land of hills. (More information about electric bikes can be found at www. boxybikes.com. The owner of this downtown bike store just happens to be my dad, so I can promise that if you want to go try out an electric bicycle and smile ridiculously as you fly along without pedaling, he will laugh only a little bit.) The challenge of biking in winter is not limited to the hills. It is very cold. Very, very, very cold. The key here is dressing right. A mentor of mine likes to say, “There is no such thing as bad weather, but there is such a thing as inappropriate clothContinued on Page 26.
J
ust days into the NFL free agency, the Philadelphia Eagles roster has been completely reshaped. During this process, many people have questioned the decisions of the head coach, Chip Kelly. After being named head of player operations at the end of last season, Kelly wasted little time shaping the roster to his liking. Since Kelly arrived in the City of Brotherly Love, he has been keen on bringing in Oregon Ducks whom he previously coached. This was evident in his first major trade of the 2015 offseason, when he chose to trade away elite running back Lesean McCoy to Buffalo in exchange for linebacker Kiko Alonso, a former Oregon football star. Not only is trading a running back for a linebacker rare, but Alonso is also coming off his second torn ACL, which kept him out all of last year. Yes, McCoy was coming off a down year after 2013, when he posted career bests across the board, but there is no denying his talent as an offensive threat. Although Alonso had a great start to his rookie year, he tore his ACL in his sixth game of the 2014 season. The only reason this trade might make sense is that McCoy was expected to make $8 million, while Alonso’s contract is only worth $1.7 million this season, making the trade economically sensible. Following the McCoy–Alonso trade, Kelly puzzled more people by releasing longtime Eagle Trent Cole. A fifth-round draft pick from Cincinnati, Cole was second all-time in the Eagles’ history for sacks, with 85.5 sacks in ten seasons. Kelly stated, “We think it’s best to let him explore other options around the NFL.” This puzzled many who viewed the veteran Cole as a reliable defensive stopper. Yet again, this trade does have some justification, as cutting Cole gives the Eagles another $8.4 million in cap space. The last major move Kelly made this offseason was failing to give Jeremy Maclin a contract to keep him in Philly after he had a tremendous year. Maclin led the Eagles with a total of ten touchdowns and 1,318 receiving yards, both team bests. With the loss of Maclin, who said he would like to remain in Philadelphia, the Eagles’ wide receivers are lackluster—the number-one receiver spot has been taken by second-year player Jordan Matthews. After Kelly’s recent trades, the Eagles have freed up lots of space that could lure a free agent to Philly. In order to secure a Super Bowl for themselves despite Kelly’s negative roster changes, the Eagles must win games and avoid injuries in their upcoming season.
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April 2015
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
Biking in Winter Continued from Page 25.
ing.” I wore a hilariously large fuzzy hat, a scarf, and big mittens. My bike had “bar mitts” attached to the handlebars to keep my hands quite cozy. The heat of pedaling kept my core warm. Even so, I came to school with teary eyes from the wind. It was quite discouraging to arrive and find that I couldn’t park my bike properly because the bike racks were buried in a large amount of snow, but I managed. Thanks to the person who plowed around the flagpole, I did have somewhere to lock my bike.
penultimate
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On days when cars were slipping down the icy roads, I reassured myself that if I landed in a ditch, I could pull myself back out. My bike, however, was kept from slipping by studded tires. “I can do slush,” I whispered to myself as my wheel broke through a ridge of wet snow. If all else failed, I could ride with both feet out to the sides to steady myself, and let the motor pull me forward. I did it. I rode my bike to school all winter, and you can too. Happiness fills my heart when I can take off my hat and let warm spring air pull my hair out behind me as I fly swiftly over wet streets.
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Down 1. Prevent 2. " ___ tree falls..." 3. Hair style 4. Maine export 5. Bring out 6. Burning issue 7. Tonight Show host 8. Egg, e.g. 9. " ___ Father..."
A C O S T P E A S U R G E A
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10. Most weak 11. Unwanted visitors 12. Wabbit hunter 13. Dutch cheese 18. Heyward, Stone or Nelson, as each signed the Declaration of Independence 22. "___ Mine" (Beatles tune) 23. Civic, e.g. 24. Discharge 25. Quick study 26. "... ___ saw Elba" 28. Bivouacs 29. Symbol of life 31. Fox News commentator 33. Give ____ (Care)
34. "Fiddler on the Roof" role 36. Roll model? 37. Clue weapon 41. Understood 43. Carry-__ 44. Restaurant handout 45. "Resume speed", to a musician 46. Headhunter trophy 47. Before 48. Indian royalty 50. Russian royalty 51. Flock 54. "Got it!" 55. Not Dem. nor Rep. 56. Miami to NYC dir. 57. E.U. member
S H E A F
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the
backpage Horoscopes Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19): You will hear a who, but a sour kangaroo will take the speck from you. Oh noooo.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): You’ll be as famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV. [fistbump from Alex Trebek]
Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20): You will follow in the footsteps of your lifelong hero and live in a cave, plotting against major holidays.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Something about the Lorax’s aesthetic really speaks to you, so you will tan yourself to an orange hue and decide to grow a strong mustache.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Though you will deny it, you are the original nerd. Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): Professor Fox, in his socks, will give you an extended dissertation on Tweetle Beetles who battle with paddles while standing in a puddle inside a bottle on a poodle eating noodles (a Muddle Puddle Tweetle Poodle Beetle Noodle Bottle Paddle
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): You will have your Maslow’s Hierarchy of Thneeds fully met. Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): Your shoe is off. Your foot is cold. You will have a bird you like to hold.
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Battle).
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Your uncool anthropomorphic goldfish will kill your vibe. No worries though, just balance him on an umbrella.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): You are a connoisseur of green eggs and ham. You will eat them in a house, with a mouse, in a box, with a fox. Sam-I-Am has nothing on you.
Arguing about the Coolness Spectrum
The Internet reclassified as a utility
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): You will find that elephants are only faithful about 41 percent of the time.
Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly
Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20): You will eventually morph into your final form, a sixfoot tall cat in a red-and white-striped hat and a red bow tie.
Handball tournament
College decisions
Zayn Leaving One Direction
Muddy Jordans
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April Fool’s 2015
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
bspn
Girls’ Swim Team Given Parade, Keys to City By NUWANDA
In a long-awaited move, Ithaca mayor Svante Myrick has finally awarded the all-star IHS girls’ swim team with the highest honors: a massive parade down Cayuga Street and a closing ceremony in which the entire team will receive a key to the City of Ithaca. Myrick’s decision was made in the wake of a streak of wins by the team, the final of which had them not only demolish the Horseheads swim team, but also break multiple pool and school records. Other motives for the celebration were to provide recognition of the team’s previous 24-year win streak and to celebrate the 50-year tenure of coach Roy Staley, who will be
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retiring in glory before the 2016–2017 season. Despite the festivities, some community members were less than pleased with how much attention is being paid to the girls. An anonymous member of the IHS boys’ swim team had this to say: “I mean, it’s rad and all, but . . . well, it’d be nice to see a bit of recognition for our team. We work just as hard, but do we have our meets publicized in school? Do we have our university commitments plastered all over ICSD media? Do we have our individual scores and records announced over the intercom? We don’t even have that. We’re just as good as the girls, and it’s
like nobody cares.” Despite complaints, the honors bestowed upon the girls’ team are not unprecedented. They routinely pack the seats at their enormously well-advertised meets, and their star swimmers enjoy near-celebrity status in the school. We here at the Tattler would like to extend our congratulations to the entire girls’ swim team for this momentous occasion. We are confident that the team will continue to garner all the recognition that is appropriate for their remarkable achievements.
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Applications for next year’s editor positions are open to April 27. Anyone is welcome to apply!
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
IHS Students
Student Feature: Diane By FIDGET JETSKI
IMAGE BY FIDGET JETSKI
Pearse and his secretary confer.
Diane is the full-time secretary to the one and only Pearse Anderson ‘16. To strangers, Diane seems like your average assistant. She stays out of the way, she functions well, and, like any great secretary, she is an excellent listener. However, if you get to know the personality inside, you will quickly realize that she is a very interesting and complex person. Diane goes everywhere with Clayton. She gets a unique look at conversations among students, discussions at Tattler meetings, and other parts of Clayton’s everyday life. We sat down with Diane’s boss to get the inside scoop on who she really is.
MALARKEY
member what I said and it was pretty embarrassing, but we talked it over in front of the fireplace with mugs of Mountain Dew. And now we’re good.
BF: What happened? Did she consider quitting? PA: People like her don’t quit. They know what they’re up against and they stick to their standards. They face the problem head on. BF: What would Diane want the readers to know? PA: I think that’s a question for Diane. She’s always there for you. She’s looking for work. If you need anything recorded, just talk to Diane. She’ll be happy to accept the files. BF: What are your favorite and least favorite things about Diane? PA: Favorite: accessibility and a constant knowledge that she’s there. Least favorite: she’s not very communicative. I once said, “Hey man, these are my problems,” but I couldn’t really get that much of a response. It’s kind of dead air in that zone. BF: Is she mute or does she just not like to talk? PA: She kind of avoids the topic when we do talk—through text and smoke signals. BF: Is there anything else you want to say about Diane? PA: Diane, if you’re reading this, I’m very proud of you. Very proud of what you’ve done.
Bridget Fetsko ‘16: How did you meet Diane? Pearse Anderson ‘16: I met Diane in the home of Jasper Minson. We were watching Twin Peaks, and Agent Dale Cooper had a secretary of his own. He inspired me to meet Diane. It wasn’t the first time I met her; it was the first time I heard of her.
BF:On what level do you feel connected with Diane? PA: On a spiritual level, on a cultural level, on an ethnic level (we’re both Jewish), on an environmental level—just start adding adjectives to “level” and they’ll probably fit.
BF: Why did you choose Diane as your secretary? PA: She seemed vigilant, intelligent, honest, able to give up information, and able to take up information in large quantities. I was sending her lots of files almost every day. She just knew what she was up to; she seemed like a very competent secretary.
BF: Do you feel attached to Diane? PA: Of course. If Diane fell in a lake or something, I’d feel awful. I love Diane.
April Fool’s 2015
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Lexical Laboratory Continued from Page 7. The despondent King Kess, following a televised opprobrium and diatribe against his spurious family line, touched the tines of his pointer to the terminus of his grimoire, originally to augur his political future, but was distracted by the terminus of the book’s author’s work: a sudden, odious lacuna in the tome. diatribe (n.): a forceful, abusive verbal attack against someone or something The despondent King Kess, following a televised opprobrium and diatribe against his spurious family line, touched the tines of his pointer to the terminus of his grimoire, originally to augur his political future, but was distracted by the terminus of the book’s author’s work: a sudden, odious lacuna in the tome. despondent (adj.): in low spirits; resulting from a loss of courage or hope The despondent King Kess, following a televised opprobrium and diatribe against his spurious family line, touched the tines of his pointer to the terminus of his grimoire, originally to augur his political future, but was distracted by the terminus of the book’s author’s work: a sudden, odious lacuna in the tome. grimoire (n.): a book of magic spells and invocations The despondent King Kess, following a televised opprobrium and diatribe against his spurious family line, touched the tines of his pointer to the terminus of his grimoire, originally to augur his political future, but was distracted by the terminus of the book’s author’s work: a sudden, odious lacuna in the tome.
BF:Last question: How did Diane get her name? PA: I don’t know why her parents named her Diane, but I saw Dale Cooper talking to her on Twin Peaks. And I said, “Huh. She’s the one.”
BF: Has she lived up to those standards? PA: Honestly, it’s been a bit of a rough-andtumble experience with Diane. I said some things behind her back once—that she was blind to everything around her. I didn’t think she’d hear about them, but she did. I still re-
So there it is: the real Diane, the ears of IHS.
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April Fool’s 2015
MALARKEY
The Tattler has been around Club Feature for a long time, longer than you might imagine—records of the paper have even been traced back to nearly the beginning of time. The IHS Tattler is in fact the most recent incarnation of a By SOPHIA SELLS SEASHELLS journalistic tradition that can be seen throughout history. What is known today as the IHS Tattler started out as a coalition among a group of intrepid paramecia. In order to document their evolution by way of their simple biology, they invented the “wriggle tradition” in order to keep their story alive. Today, this method of storytelling is preserved through the movements that honeybees use to share the location of nectar. With discrete information as the standard for communication, the rest of human history followed suit. Hominids created the first permanent issues of the Tattler, using cave paintings to document their hunting techniques. However, these images were stagnant, not able to be disseminated. The Greek version of the Tattler, σπερμολόγος, remedied this by using word of mouth to resell the daily news. Inspired by Herodotus’s primary sources, the σπερμολόγος began to include quotes in its articles. During the Peloponnesian War, the σπερμολόγος split up into two factions, one supporting Sparta and the other Athens. The Athenian group beat the Spartans in a secret poetry slam, upon which they gambled the outcome of the war. The Spartan faction was thrown into a large, seemingly bottomless pit, which explains why the current Tattler does not often cover military news. During the Roman Empire, the renamed Ihis tattlus was first distributed in print by writing the news on tablets that were hung in the square. In medieval Europe, the Ye Olde Tattelar took a religious turn. It was suspended after publishing a piece that defaced the Pope, giving him a particularly caustic horoscope that involved a donkey and a manger. (Those editors were thrown into a large, seemingly bottomless moat, which explains why the current Tattler does not often cover papal news.) The current strain of the Tattler was reinstated in 1892, the cover founding date of this paper, by students who discovered the archives in a fireproof vault underneath the former high school building. Printing survived the Second World War only because the Tattler printed dummy papers for their government service as U.S. spies. The editors’ inexperience with covert operations resulted in headlines such as “Hitler’s popularity down 20 percent in the polls” and “We are most definitely not planning anything on June 6, 1944”, which is probably why they were not involved in national intelligence during the Cold War. The 1960s were a turbulent time for the entire world, and the Tattler was not exempt from them. Student uprisings and boycotts by the students of Ithaca High School caused the Tattler to be temporarily published by teachers. In an effort to seem more amiable, they instituted the “groovy spectrum”, only to have it further alienate the students and staff. Currently, the Tattler is run by a staff of 17, who are dedicated, as their predecessors were, to bringing the news to the public despite all odds. With such a rich history, reporting the news is not only a job; it’s a way of life.
The Tattler: A Brief History
If you want to be a part of this illustrious history, pick up an application today!
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
Lexical Laboratory By CLAYTON SILLSWORTH
terminus (n.): final point in space or time; the end or limit The despondent King Kess, following a televised opprobrium and diatribe against his spurious family line, touched the tines of his pointer to the terminus of his grimoire, originally to augur his political future, but was distracted by the terminus of the book’s author’s work: a sudden, odious lacuna in the tome. odious (adj.): extremely unpleasant; revolting The despondent King Kess, following a televised opprobrium and diatribe against his spurious family line, touched the tines of his pointer to the terminus of his grimoire, originally to augur his political future, but was distracted by the terminus of the book’s author’s work: a sudden, odious lacuna in the tome. augur (v.): to foreshadow an outcome The despondent King Kess, following a televised opprobrium and diatribe against his spurious family line, touched the tines of his pointer to the terminus of his grimoire, originally to augur his political future, but was distracted by the terminus of the book’s author’s work: a sudden, odious lacuna in the tome. tine (n.): a prong or sharp point, such as a branch of an antler or fork The despondent King Kess, following a televised opprobrium and diatribe against his spurious family line, touched the tines of his pointer to the terminus of his grimoire, originally to augur his political future, but was distracted by the terminus of the book’s author’s work: a sudden, odious lacuna in the tome opprobrium (n.): harsh criticism; public disgrace following something shameful The despondent King Kess, following a televised opprobrium and diatribe against his spurious family line, touched the tines of his pointer to the terminus of his grimoire, originally to augur his political future, but was distracted by the terminus of the book’s author’s work: a sudden, odious lacuna in the tome. spurious (adj.): not what it claims to be; false The despondent King Kess, following a televised opprobrium and diatribe against his spurious family line, touched the tines of his pointer to the terminus of his grimoire, originally to augur his political future, but was distracted by the terminus of the book’s author’s work: a sudden, odious lacuna in the tome. lacuna (n.): an unfilled space; a gap or void Continued on Page 8.
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
IHS Life
The Hall Monitor By Matador House
April Fool’s 2015
6
Malarkey
What’s something crazy you’ve seen happen in our school?
“At least once a day, a guy accidentally comes into the girls’ bathroom.”
“Seniors coming to school on time.”
“Freshmen trying to find Upstairs-K.”
“Kids trying to dive properly in gym class. They should learn from my technique.”
“Fistfights are always fun.”
5
April Fool’s 2015
Why the Tattler Editors are Literally Pure Evil Continued from Page 4.
SLANDER
Sophia Shi—Features Editor: She’s quiet and well-spoken, unassuming yet devious in her brilliance. Commonly called the face of the Tattler, Shi deals with all the articles that people actually want to read, and all the problems that need a diplomatic touch. Her carefully selected typefaces are composed into letters of blackmail and extortion, delivered to everyone from the superintendent to the mayor. There are none who can ignore the lexical laboratory of evil contained within her writing, none who can resist succumbing as Shi collects family secrets, classified emails, and the occasional scandalous photo in order to twist and bend every major political and journalistic figure around her dainty finger.
Kalil Hendel—News Editor: While there are no brains behind the Tattler, Hendel is the closest thing they have to a tactician, coordinating the misinformation and fear mongering that’s spewed out on a monthly basis. One glance at the eyes behind his comically oversized spectacles reveals the cold, calculating menace that motivates him in his quest to enslave IHS with yellow journalism and drawings of vegetables. He routinely fabricates entire interviews with the administration, creates Tattler propaganda embedded with subliminal messages, and has been known to take great joy in torturing sources for information. He was singlehandedly responsible for the deposition of former principal Jarett Powers (who came too close to discovering the rampant corruption and nepotism within the Tattler), and brainwashed current principal Trumble through a mind-control device he implanted in Trumble’s beard. Wake up and smell the manipulation, people!
one with a computer. If you’re walking down the hallways of IHS and hear the words “feminism”, “#confirmed”, or “social media presence”, you know you’d better run because Olivia Salomon is coming to get you.
weaponized print media with which she assaults all of IHS. At the time of writing there is no known method of dispelling Ms. Lynn’s evil energies. We cannot stop her, we can only hope to contain her.
Olivia Salomon—Opinion Editor: Salomon is the vitriol behind every caustic opinion piece produced by the Tattler; the only thing redder than her hair is the blood of dissenters which stains her hands. If we allow Salomon to continue her reign, we are surely to see an IHS where thoughts fall into two categories: right, or punishable by death. One of her favorite tools is the so-called “Social Justice Week”, which presents itself as an engaging and informative discussion of pertinent social issues in a safe environment, but was really a plot to use ancient pagan brainwashing techniques on the unsuspecting students. She also heads the Tattler’s notorious online division, using the internet as a method to extend her tentacles into the brains of every-
Conor Coutts—Center Spread: Rumored to be the descendent of a viking crossed with a mountain lion, Conor compromises structural integrity just as easily as he does journalistic integrity. No amount of description however could sum up Coutts as well as something he once told an underclassman who stepped on his suede shoes: “Run away now, or I’ll center spread your vital organs all over this hallway.” Although Conor’s imposing stature is usually enough to scare any uncooperative sources or meddling administrators, he’s always ready to break out the brass knuckles and give a multi-page report on why teeth are best left in the mouth. When words, rage, and magic aren’t working the Tattler uses Conor’s brute force to get the results they want. Pearse Anderson—Arts: Anderson is unique among the Tattler editors: instead of embracing his status as a behemoth of manipulation and evil, Pearse maintains the appearance of a normal high schooler. His true das-
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
tardly nature is revealed through the lens of his ever present camera, with which he gathers a trove of information on the goings-about of the general high school population. His tools are wicked and varied: an alter ego named Clayton which is used to gain access to everyone from the theater kids to the lax bros; an Instagram on which he preaches the hipster gospel, further ingratiating himself into the popular crowd; and a personal assistant called Diane who is always watching and always listening. Pearse is the eyes and ears of the Tattler, the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Like Santa he knows if you’ve been bad or good, and like Santa he collects and stores all that information for future use. You’d better watch out. Nick Bogel-Burroughs—Sports: Very little is known about Bogel-Burroughs: he likes bagels, he likes sports, and he’s often missing from the front lines of Tattler operations. In truth, Bogel-Burroughs is the Tattler’s covert operations manager, often going deep undercover and disappearing for weeks at a time. He moves like a ghost, low to the ground with his hands contorted in strange patterns, presumably practicing his kung fu death holds. His most valuable asset is his hat, which he uses strategically in tandem with his hair to conceal his identity. It is impossible to speculate on the extent of Bogel-Burroughs’ operations, but we can be sure it extends far into the bowels of the school. These are only some of the menaces who lurk behind the pages of the Tattler. I must stop here, however--truly, I fear for my life. For all I know, as I sit here writing I’m being watched through a darkened window by Nick or having my demise planned by Sophia and Kalil. If you find this, continue my work! You must—who’s there? Oh no . . . no! Please! NOOOooooo—
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
Editorial March 32, 2015
To the IHS community: Considering the recent suspension of Brian Williams as well as the entire existence of Fox News, it is clear that the existing traditional news media cannot be trusted. The IHS Tattler is under this umbrella of unreliability and information monopoly. You have been subject to their boring coverage and dry style for literally over a century. That ends today. As a concerned group of citizens who feel very strongly about the current state of journalism, we have ousted the 2014–2015 Tattler editorial board. The operation was executed very smoothly; as we stormed down the hallway to their office, they realized that their ballpoint pens and pretzel sticks were no match for our pitchforks and torches. We have come to understand that they have fled to an undisclosed Chipotle in the Midwest. In an effort to dissolve the elitist walls that have separated this newspaper from the IHS community, we will explain our ethos to you clearly and directly. We believe that the primary goal of news reporting should be to engage the people. How will we accomplish this? Observe the top-grossing movies of 2014: Guardians of the Galaxy, The LEGO Movie, and 22 Jump Street were among the 15 films that made the most money at the domestic box office. It is clear: America likes humor. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles made more than four times the earnings of Birdman, which was named Best Picture at the Academy Awards. What do the latter and news media have in common? They were/are both governed by a selective, cloistered group of people who both enjoy pretentiously titled and punctuated slogans. (“All the news that’s fit to tattle?” Really? Is the Tattler a paper or a tabloid?) We are on the cusp of a revolution in the news industry. In a time where people rely on satirical news anchors, such as Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, and John Oliver, to give them their daily dose of depressing real-world events, the news media must wake up. We have decided to revamp the Tattler and make it one of the pioneers of this new glorious dawn of dispatch. After all, you, the members of IHS, deserve it. Sincerely, The Democratic People’s Republic of the New Tattler Order
April Fool’s 2015
4
slander
Why the Tattler Editors Are Literally Pure Evil By NUWANDA
Students of IHS! Too long have you endured from the terrible journalism of the IHS Tattler. Too long have their uninformed opinions, their editorialized news, and their tasteless film reviews (Godzilla was Gareth Edward’s magnum opus! Damn you, Bogel-Burroughs!) plagued the pages of this publication. I have one goal: to expose to you the truth about these charlatans! Soon you will know! Soon everyone will know! Owen Zhang—Editor-in-Chief: The Tattler’s head honcho, Zhang is like a trash inspector, making sure each article is sufficiently up to trash before trashing it in the bin that is the Trashler. While he presents a calm exterior, he has become known among the Trashler inner circle for his violent, spittle-flecked outbursts, and occasional devouring of a junior editor. As if that weren’t enough, only God can speculate about the deviant science Zhang performs late at night in “club” advisor Ms. Lynn’s room. It’s a well-known fact that the majority of the Trashler editors are age-accelerated clones of Zhang (case in point: Sophia Shi, Lindsey Yuan, John Yoon, Daniel Xu, James Yoon), nothing more than little Owens custom-fit for the decline of print journalism. Whether he’s viciously editorializing an article, fictionalizing facts, or just eating people it’s clear that Owen Zhang has no place at the head of the Tattler, and that his head has no place on his shoulders. Ms. Lynn—Faculty Advisor: Photos found deep within the crypt-like file cabinets of IHS show the same woman, Deborah Lynn, appearing in staff photos as far back as 1892--the founding year of the Tattler. She is believed to be not human, but a humanoid embodiment of everything evil and destructive in the Tattler, recruiting young minds to rise through the ranks and become corrupt tools for Ms. Lynn’s use. Although she maintains her cover as a renowned physics teacher, her true vocation is aiding Zhang and his cronies in creating Continued on Page 5.
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April Fool’s 2015
ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE
libel
Category
IHS Senior to Continue Attending Classes As WISE Project By NUWANDA
Exciting news has come out of IHS’s signature English program, WISE, which gives seniors the opportunity to approach a long-term project over the second half of the academic year. To the amazement of his peers and teachers, IHS senior Buddy Billingsworth ’15 has announced that he will continue to attend his scheduled senior year classes and document the experience as his project. “I’ve been overwhelmed by the support and compassion from my friends and incredible teachers,” Billingsworth said during a public forum last month. “I know I have an ordeal ahead of me, but it’s one I feel prepared to undertake.” According to Billingsworth, the groundbreaking project will involve several important factors. Mental preparation, which includes daily stress-relief exercises and mandatory Netflix hours before and after classes, are key to minimizing his burnout. Billingsworth has also received sponsorship from Starbucks and Chipotle, which will provide him with coffee and carnitas burritos for emergency chillaxing. Citing health and safety reasons, head nurse Judy Hoffman has also ordered a cot in IHS’s medical office to be reserved for Billingsworth to take critical midday naps.
So far, Billingsworth’s teachers have been supportive, though some, notably WISE teacher Michael Reiff, have expressed concern. “I’ve seen some crazy, crazy stuff teaching this class: A few years back, I had a student enter astronaut training, where he was tragically ejected into low Earth orbit a few days before prom,” he said. “I had another girl who wanted to test mutagens on rats; turns out it was highly communicable and now there’s some crazy Kafkaesque rodent creature stalking around the abandoned IHS basements. Those were tough projects, but this? This just isn’t natural. I’m not just worried for Buddy; I’m worried for his family, his friends, for anyone who loves him and wants to be around him. There’s a natural order to things, and when it’s broken, it affects everyone. Seniors just aren’t meant to come to class.” For now, we all wait with bated breath to see how Billingsworth’s groundbreaking project will play out. One thing's for sure—the entire school is watching as this lone second-semester senior tackles one of the most difficult tasks ever conceived: just getting through the year.
Mr. Trumble Fired For Excessive Competency Continued from Page 1. A petition began circulating immediately after the announcement, and as of this article’s publication, it has the signatures of 90 percent of Ithaca’s population. “I understand this will be a very difficult transitional period,” said Dr. Brown. “In the meantime, I have placed an iPad in every hallway to watch over our students.” Since 1988, only one principal has remained at IHS for more than three years. Dr. Brown told reporters that “if I had let him complete the year, there would have been no looking back.”
Table of Contents Libel
Mr. Trumble Fired For Excessive Competency by The Chill Bagel
IHS Senior to Continue Attending Classes as WISE Project by Nuwanda
1 3
Staff
2014 – 2015 Libel Editor
Nuwanda ’15 news@ihsTattler.com
Slander Editor
Olive Salmon ’15 opinion@ihsTattler.com
Slander
Malarkey Editor
Editorial 4 Why the Tattler Editors Are Literally Pure Evil by Nuwanda
4
Sophia Sells Seashells ’15 features@ihsTattler.com
Arts Editor
Clayton Sillsworth ’16 arts@ihsTattler.com
BSPN Editor
The Chill Bagel ’15
Malarkey The Hall Monitor
by Matador House
Lexical Laboratory
by Clayton Sillsworth
The Tattler: A Brief History by Sophia Sells Seashells
Student Feature: Diane by Fidget Jetski
sports@ihsTattler.com
6 7 7 8
Penultimate and Back Page Editor
The Linseed You Want ’15 backpage@ihsTattler.com
Centerspread Editor
Con Man Glutes ’15 centerspread@ihsTattler.com
Copy Editor
Daniel’s Shoes ’17 copy@ihsTattler.com
Photography Editors
Fidget Jetski ’16 John With the Wind ’16 photo@ihsTattler.com
BSPN Girl’s Swim Team Given Parade, Keys to City by Nuwanda
Tattler
Layout Editor
Methane Spoon ’17 9
layout@ihsTattler.com
Business Manager
Stovetop Andy ’17 business@ihsTattler.com
Advertising Manager
The Tattler is the lizard-run newspaper of Ithaca High School. It was founded in 1892 and is published monthly.
Lizard Rosebud ’16 ads@ihsTattler.com
As an “open” forum, the Tattler invites opinion piece submissions and letters to the editor from all community members. Drop off submissions in E25 or email them to: editor@ihsTattler.com
Webmaster
Gayafour Ganesan ’15 web@ihsTattler.com
Distribution Managers
Carry Da Newspapers ’15 Stovetop Steve ’15 distribution@ihsTattler.com
Mail letters to:
Faculty Advisor
The IHS Tattler 1401 N. Cayuga St. Ithaca, NY 14850
Penguin Queen advisor@ihsTattler.com
The Tattler reserves the right to fabricate all submissions. Submissions are made under threat of death by the Penguin Queen, blessed be Her name.
Editor-in-Chief
Oh, and Zhang ’15 editor@ihsTattler.com
TO TATTLE THAT’S FIT ALL THE NEWS April Fool’s 2015 • Estd. 1892 • Vol. 123 #3 • Published Monthly • www.ihstattler.com Ithaca High School, 1401 N. Cayuga St, Ithaca, NY 14850 • FREE
Principle Trumble Fired for Excessive Competency By THE CHILL BAGEL
IMAGE BY FIDGET JETSKI
Superintendent Luvelle Brown shocked the community on Wednesday, April 1, by releasing Jason Trumble from his position as IHS principal, less than three months after his hiring. “He’s just too good,” Dr. Brown told an angry mob of parents and students outside of the District Office on Wednesday afternoon. “We can’t have someone so talented around our children; it can only serve to disappoint them when they realize they will never be as successful.” Many protesters left shocked and confused, with one mother of a high school child saying, “I’m not going to let my son return to IHS until Mr. Trumble is back. He’s a godsend for this school.” Earlier in the school year, after Mr. Powers left IHS to take a superintendent position in Union Springs, Mr. Trumble became the interim principal. Then, in January, Dr. Brown chose Mr. Trumble to continue as the permanent IHS principal. Dr. Brown was quoted then as saying “No [national] search process would have revealed a more committed, qualified, and talented educational leader for our community,” and he was right. In fact, he was too right. Mr. Trumble is more committed to his work than was even expected, raising the bar for all faculty and staff. Some faculty complained about the great relationships Mr. Trumble was forming with students. A teacher in the high school said, “I’ve tried so hard to connect with students, even letting them play ‘the hip-hop’ in class when their work is done. I don’t know how he can form so many enduring friendships with teens, except by being some kind of superhuman.”
Big Luve gets down to business.
Apparently, this theory is somewhat widespread in the high school, with 55 percent of IHS staff members and 71 percent of students saying they think “Mr. Trumble has superpowers not associated with humans” in a recent Tattler survey. Jordan Kolisacki, a sophomore at IHS, said that “regardless of his super-human status, I want Mr. Trumble back at IHS,” which seems to be congruent with how the majority of the Ithaca community feels. There were, however, a handful of Ithacans who sided with Dr. Brown’s justification. Mr. Smith, who himself graduated from the school in ’84, said that he has “seen Mr. Trumble first hand, and let me tell you, he is simply perfect. From
his scruffy beard to those deep blue eyes, I can see how he might be a distraction to my children’s learning environment, and I just cannot stand for that.” One male senior (who spoke on the condition of anonymity) talked about a moment earlier this year when he had gotten in trouble with a teacher. After yelling in class, the boy said he was “sent to the principal’s office, ready to tear down the walls and scream at anyone who walked by, but then Mr. Trumble started talking to me as if he actually cared about understanding why I was mad. His compassion and empathy were so unexpected, I couldn’t help but have a reasonable conversation. He really ruined my vibe.” Continued on Page 3.