December 2019

ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO TATTLE.

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DECEMBER 2019 VOL. 127 #4

Estd. 1892 • Published Monthly • www.ihstattler.com Ithaca High School, 1401 North Cayuga Street, Ithaca, NY 14850 • FREE

EDITORIAL

Mental Health: Not Just Somebody Else’s Problem

By THE TATTLER EDITORIAL BOARD

“A

t times I think I’m no good at all,” is what 42 percent of ICSD students believe according to a survey conducted by the Tompkins County Youth Services Department in 2018. This result is, of course, massively concerning for ICSD and IHS staff. As the school‘s psychologist, Shawn Goodman, stated during an interview with The Tattler, “Recently, [my job has] become much more difficult and challenging as the incidents of mental health problems in kids has exploded.” Despite the efforts IHS is making to address mental health, many students think that IHS doesn’t do enough. According to the 2018-19 Students Goals and Priorities Survey, 38 percent of ICSD students disagreed with the statement “ICSD attends to student mental health issues” (while an additional 21 percent were unsure). So while IHS may have the resources to properly address mental health issues, it does not do a good enough job promoting them, and it may even lack the ability to keep up with the needs of the high number of mentally distressed students within the school.

High schools, in general, are notorious for their social and athletic pressures, and IHS is no exception. Of course, the most stressful aspect of life at IHS, in particular, is academic pressure, as there is intense academic competition among students to excel in both the top classes and the most classes. The high number of AP classes some students take is a good example of this need to succeed academically: a much higher percentage of students at IHS take AP classes compared to the state average. According to GreatSchools, a nonprofit organization that provides parents with information about PK-12 schools and education, IHS has a student AP math course participation percentage of 11 percent and 18 percent for AP science courses, over double the New York state’s average in both cases (4 percent and 6 percent respectively). In addition, 23 percent of IHS students participate in other non-STEM AP courses, compared to the New York State average of 14 percent.

AP classes, of course, are meant for college-level students, and having multiple AP classes at one time can add up to excessive amounts of work for a typical high school stu2

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dent. Consequently, in order to compensate for these classes, many students choose to opt-out of lunch periods. As of 2019, 17 percent of IHS students (224 out of 1345) do not have a lunch period, meaning about one out of every six students do not have an official time in their school day to eat food. Lunches are usually the only time in a student’s day when they get to relieve some stress and refuel for the second half of the day.

The school administration and teachers are aware that these types of pressures can impact students’ mental health, and they have taken measures to help us. For example, they require us to take a health class before graduating, which contains material on mental well-being. In addition, the school also has two social workers, five counselors, and one psychologist, who all work to assist students in need. However, these people are not easy to find. As Shawn Goodman puts it, “We were all spread out, and nobody knew where we were, who we were, [and] what we did.”

The school is aware of this problem and is working to make mental health services more accessible. In addition, as Goodman noted, “We are in the process of bringing in an outside therapist from Tompkins County Mental Health to work in the school and see more kids.” He also optimistically added, “In a year or so, we will be even better. I know the new construction plan is to put us all [social workers] in an improved space . . . it will be in [the] activities [building]. Nurses and social workers will all be in the same place.”

These are great steps in the right direction for IHS. It is particularly crucial for the school to follow through on Goodman’s points. Such progress will increase the mental health workforce and relocate them to a more visible and central place within the school so that they can better provide support to students in need. But doing so will not mean much if students continue to be unaware that these services exist.

The key problem is that the school does not make it all that easy for students to be informed of the mental health resources it is providing. For example, the school’s website does not contain easy-to-find links to mental health resources, nor do the student hand-

books mention much about mental well-being, let alone how to achieve it. More recently, the school held a Mental Health and Wellness 101 class on November 19 to provide participants with “basic knowledge of mental health wellness and recovery in an effort to reduce stigma.” But the announcement for this event was made through an email to parents, not to the students themselves.

The school needs to do much more to raise awareness of mental health issues and provide support and assistance to those in need.

An appropriate step in this direction would be for IHS to follow the state guidelines for educating students on mental health. The New York State Education Department outlines the four following components for a student’s emotional well-being and success. “1. Understanding how to obtain and maintain good mental health; 2. Decreasing stigma related to mental health; 3. Enhancing help-seeking efficacy (know when, where, and how to obtain good health with skills to promote selfcare); and 4. Understanding mental disorders (i.e., anxiety, depression) and treatments.”

Fully developing policies in line with these guidelines should include the following steps.

First, the school website should be improved to allow easy access to good and reliable mental health information. Second, the Mental and Emotional Health Unit in Health class should be expanded, with less time spent on tests and assignments, and more on real-life experiences surrounding the issue through the use of interviewees or documentaries.

Third, the school should continue to add more social workers to the staff so that people won’t have to wait to try to get help when in times of stress and anxiety. Fourth, IHS should follow the lead of other schools in the country that have begun putting into place “mental health recovery days” as excused absences, so that students who are struggling with mental health challenges have the time to seek treatment and get support without falling behind in their classes. IHS has and will continue to help students in mental need, but it must also be aware of how important it is to inform those students that the school is still there to help.

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Report from a Board Of Education Meeting

By SEOJIN LEE, ALEXANDER YOO

T

he Board of Education meeting on November 12 by far had the largest number of public participants this year. The meeting started off with Jim Yaggie, a former scholastic coach, commenting that “Football is in crisis mode.” As football today is considered to be unfavorable by both students and their parents due to the risks that are associated with the sport, the football team is having trouble recruiting members. He asked the Board for support in advertising football to our community, and further expressed concerns about the facility issue the team will face once the capital project construction starts. Yaggie mentioned that they are currently hosting events to save the sport, which will engage families as active marketers for joining the team. Members of the Board acknowledged the problem and assured him that they would try their best to support the team by informing the public. The first event that the football team will be hosting is the Super Bowl Viewing Party, which will be on the first weekend of February.

The biggest issue brought up by the public, however, was the topic of ICSD retiree health insurance.

A few years ago, the supplementary insurance was changed from the BlueCross BlueShield Health Insurance to Hartford. However, with this change, some ICSD retirees have been dealing with problems not encountered previously. The new insurance was intended to offer the same benefits for a lower cost, but it seems that some elements previously covered are no longer (covered). They presented many examples: an emergency room doctor called to get medication for an ICSD retiree, but was told that the insurance does not cover the medication; an ICSD retiree wished to renew their prescriptions, but was told that their prescription no longer qualified and had to try, and fail, at three other medications. These were just a two of the many worries that the speakers presented. The Board recognized this as a significant issue, and that it would be brought

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The Tattler is the monthly student-run newspaper of Ithaca High School.

All currently-enrolled students at Ithaca High School are welcome to submit writing and photographs. As an open forum, The Tattler invites opinion submissions and letters to the editor from all community members. Email submissions to editor@ihstattler.com or mail letters to: The Tattler 1401 North Cayuga Street Ithaca, NY 14850 Send submissions by December 15th to be included in the December issue. The Tattler reserves the right to edit all submissions. All articles, columns, and advertisements do not necessarily reflect the views of editorial staff.

up at the health insurance advisory meeting.

After this, Dr. Brown brought up a recently published Newsweek article, pertaining to the rankings of schools in the STEM field. In this, IHS is ranked 48 in the nation and ranked 2nd in the state, second only to the Bronx High School of Science.

The Board then proceeded to discuss a new professional development model and curriculum. In a presentation, it was said that the district’s focus continues to be on inclusion, culturally responsive practices, and innovation. This new professional model will help provide “job-embedded professional support.” This consisted of Master Educators for Inclusion and Instructional Coaches for Equity, Innovation, and Inclusion. Together, these two roles are able to help create a different type of teaching that is non-evaluative and student-centered. Ms. Gray then went on to present on this model in relation to IHS, specifically the science department, where it has already been implemented.

After this, advisors of STEP, or the Cornell Science and Technology Education Program, presented on their program. They started by explaining a little about their history: established in 1986, and with IHS for the 5th year, their aim is supporting underrepresented people in the STEM field. Then, they explained the events and activities they perform throughout the school year, including career exploration, financial aid night, and college trips. Above all this, they presented their plan for the next five years: 1. Position STEP as a tool that ICSD can leverage to support equity goals 2. Work with school counselors to improve student knowledge of course pathways in STEM 3. Share student successes and student stories 4. Understand student participation factors and goals 5. Expand internship opportunities Afterward, the meeting concluded with a continued discussion on policy. This began with a discussion of the Fire Drill policy, which was last revised in 1974, and whether it was needed at all as it is now part of the Safety Plan. There was then a presentation about the New York State School Board Association Annual Conference by Dr. Brown and Ann Reichlin. At that conference, they explained how the meeting was mostly not controversial with only disagreement regarding e-cigarettes and their regulation in schools. The remaining portion of the meeting was devoted to a discussion of NYS leadership and how Ithaca standards are not state standards.

To read The Tattler online, visit our website at www.ihstattler.com.

DECEMBER 2019

3

OPINION

Spurious Statistics Let’s Go Metric!

Under Scrutiny

By LOUISA MILLER-OUT

By HEEWON AHN

I

n the last issue of The Tattler, many readers were concerned (if not surprised) by the alarming statistics regarding the state of students’ mental health at IHS. No one would dare challenge the central notion of the article: mental health is a dire issue that should be dealt with by our communities. However, the reality of the situation is not the subject of this article. The techniques used to gather the data used in such reports are just as worthy of our collective critique, if not more, so in the grand scheme of affairs.

AP Statistics students know that the methods used to gather a set of data are crucial to the reliability of the final results. If a sample is not representative of the population, then the collected data is rendered nearly useless for any serious analysis. After all, the purpose of conducting such studies is to identify trends that can be used to generalize an entire population into a set of statistics. Therefore, eliminating any factors that may affect the sample in a negative way (i.e. make the sample less representative of the population) is an indispensable part of the data collection process.

Factors that may skew the subjects of a survey towards a particular response are known as “bias.” For example, convenience bias occurs when one selects a sample out of sheer convenience for oneself, such as a salesman asking the ten people nearest to him for survey responses. Results collected through such means are, as one might guess, not representative of the population as a whole. What if the salesman was at a concert, where every individual in attendance has similar musical tastes? What if he happened to be near his family, who all have a shared history and experiences? There are an infinite number of ways in which poor sampling techniques can yield results that are utterly unusable in any significant sense.

In the case of the mental health article, as with many surveys conducted via email, non-response bias is the main culprit behind the chaos. Non-response bias occurs when subjects have the option of simply not responding to a given question in order to be counted among the sample. Call-in surveys are an excellent example of how this technique can yield less-than-informative results, as the most passionate viewers are inherently more motivated to respond to questions pertaining to their topics of interest. One look at one of these surveys would lead an unassuming viewer to think that America is even more polarized than it actually is, as those with the loudest voices are the only ones inclined to speak out.

None of this is to detract from the genuinely altruistic motives of those who happen to rely on faulty statistical techniques. Outside of a formal statistics course, few people get the chance to encounter the nuances and pitfalls of data collection. However, the role of statistics in our everyday lives only grows greater by the day, as big data is one of the fastest-growing and most controversial industries of the twenty-first century. Thus, equipping oneself with a thorough knowledge of statistical affairs is and will continue to be an invaluable part of life in this brave new world.

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DECEMBER 2019

T

he United States is so unique—but in some ways, I wish it was a little less so. We are one of the only three places in the world that have yet to adopt the International System of Units, also known as the metric system. The International System of Units is beautifully thought-out, based on invariant natural constants, and agreed upon by nearly every country in the world. The entire planet has chosen wisely to utilize it as a standard. So why has America resisted it for so long?

Before we examine the resistance to metrication in America, let’s take a moment to explain why the vast majority of the world’s nations rely on the metric system. The metric system is a decimal system of weights and measures, meaning conversion between units is often effortless and simply involves moving a decimal point, i.e. multiplying or dividing by powers of ten, skills that most of us learned in elementary school. In addition, multiples of units have standard prefixes such as kilo-, centi-, and milli-. This makes it easy to determine how many base units of something you are talking about and also ensures that there are very few base units to learn. In fact, every base unit that constitutes the metric system is defined by an invariable scientific constant. The U.S. still relies on the Imperial system, which was originally based on completely arbitrary measurements, such as the lengths of human body parts, which differ from person to person.

There seem to be two main arguments for the Imperial system.

Firstly, a wholesale transition to the metric system would simply cost too much money and be time-consuming. Secondly, our use of this arbitrary measuring system sets us apart from other countries and solidifies our status as a leader rather than a follower. As for the first argument, I say that the economic benefits of going metric outweigh the costs because having a standard system of weights and measures will greatly facilitate international trade as well as share crucial scientific information. Besides, the United States has already “given an inch” when it comes to metrication—most rulers show inches down one side and centimeters down the other. We, the students, learn to express quantities using metric units in our science classes. It is not as hard as it seems to just take that extra step and go metric. It’s 2019 now and we’ve already arrived at a hybrid system.

Some claim that the U.S.’s capricious system of measurement is a testament to our nation’s uniqueness and to our status as a leader rather than a follower. Do we really need to break the mold in this specific area, though? When nearly every single country in the world agrees on one logical, standardized system of weights and measures, resisting it does not make the United States look like a powerful, innovative leader. Instead, it makes our nation look like a stubborn child, clinging to an archaic system of measurement for no good reason other than our own nostalgia and short-sightedness.

Sometimes, we just need to accept that we’re not doing things as efficiently or as logically as we could be and be willing to make a compromise for the good of the world economy and our own nation’s future. There is no need to keep on complicating things. Let’s join the rest of the world and go metric!

OPINION

The Problem With Open-Mindedness

By J.T. STONE

B

eing open-minded can enrich our knowledge of the world around us, but it can also come at a cost: losing your own mind. Unfortunately, my desire for knowledge led me to develop an unhealthy form of open-mindedness, in which I suppressed my own thoughts to better listen to and understand other people’s viewpoints. Even if someone was spouting opinions that were antithetical to my rights and humanity, I forced myself to smile and listen to them in order to develop a more well-rounded view of the world. To some degree, I felt like a caged animal, trapped and unable to speak my mind. Luckily, I have finally started to break free from this mentality, but not in the way that I expected.

I met my friend Fred in sixth grade and we immediately became inseparable in and out of school. I soon became close with his parents, who would often invite my parents and me over for dinner. I will never forget the times when Fred and I toured his family’s farm to discuss school while our parents talked about who knows what. Our friendship was perfect, except for one minor thing: Fred’s father constantly discussed politics when I came over. Fred’s parents

were politically conservative and quite religious, and his father was very open about his disgust with Democrats’ stances on major issues. I valued learning his views because it gave me insight into the larger political debates surrounding various issues, even if I didn’t always agree with his conclusions. However, I would always feel uncomfortable when he said he opposed gay marriage because Fred’s parents had no idea I was gay. I was always afraid to tell his parents the truth, not because I would lose their approval, but because I was afraid of losing the opportunity to learn and understand their views, no matter how much I disagreed.

Fred, on the other hand, knew about my sexuality and was one of the first people who congratulated me when I met my first boyfriend. My dating life had no impact on our friendship until his parents saw a photo of us holding hands. Then, one night, Fred called me at 9 P.M. to tell me his parents wanted him to end our six-year-long friendship. “I’m sorry,” he said. “My parents said they don’t want me associating with sinners and being gay is a sin.”

I couldn’t believe what Fred had said. At that moment, I remembered all the time

and energy I had spent trying to digest his father’s views, and then it dawned on me: why was I putting so much effort into understanding someone who would never bother to understand me? Up until this point, I had been committed to an extreme form of open-mindedness, which came at the expense of my own thoughts and feelings. I would stare at Fred’s father while he ranted on about how gay people are ruining the institution of marriage, instead of standing up for my own rights and humanity. But after seeing how truly intolerant his parents were, I realized I was heading down a dangerous path of repressing myself for other people who aren’t worth my time and energy.

This experience taught me to see the world from my point of view again. Instead of standing up for myself, I acted like a human punching bag by quietly absorbing hateful and bigoted remarks, which has made me stronger in the long-run; I now know my thoughts and feelings matter and that I’m just as important to this earth as anyone else is. And after everything, I can proudly say I’m a more empowered individual and that Fred and I are still friends to this day.

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OPINION

Analysis of the Fifth Democratic Debate

By FRANCES KLEMM

G

oing into the fifth Democratic Debate, the stage had already changed. Julian Castro did not make the cut, and Beto O’Rourke dropped out. On top of that, Mayor Buttigieg has surged in the polls and become a leader in Iowa, the state that sets the stage for others. In recognizing why Iowa is an important state, keep in mind that Barack Obama won the 2008 Iowa Caucus, and this led him to win the entire race. With Buttigieg nearing the top of polls in Iowa, he has become a major part of this race.

So by November 20th, Buttigieg, Biden, Warren, and Sanders had successfully separated themselves from the numerous other 2020 candidates.

The night was calm, with very few attacks, which surprised many viewers. Senator Warren, who has been a frontrunner for a while and has been gaining more traction, was recorded having the most speaking time, with Mayor Buttigieg at a close second.

Warren was able to bring up her two favorite issues, the wealth tax and Medicare for All. However, these topics didn’t get the usual backlash. During the first hour of the debate, she was strong, but in the second half, her voice seemed to fade into the background.

Buttigieg, the man everyone thought would be torn apart due to his new frontrunner status, remained in the clear; there was only one disagreement with Representative Gabbard, which he handled with a skillful and assured answer.

For the first time, the (all-female) group of moderators asked direct questions on reproductive health, on which we got powerful statements from Senators Sanders and Klobuchar. Klobuchar also had her best debate yet. She came prepared with a zinger for launching: “Women are held to a higher standard, otherwise we could play a game called ‘Name Your Favorite Woman President,’ which we can’t do because it has all been men, including all vice presidents being men. And I think any working woman out there, any woman that’s at home, knows exactly what I mean.” She seemed more used to the debate stage, and was able to slide her voice into the difficult topics.

Biden made one too many stumbles on the issues. When talking about domestic violence, he referred to stopping the culture of the issue as “punching” it out. In fact, he used the word three times, much to the disapproval and laughter of the crowd. Later on, he used examples of how he had the approval of the black community and black voters. He noted the endorsement he received from 6

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Carol Moseley Braun, the first black woman elected to the senate, introducing her as the only black female senator. Unfortunately for him, the other black female senator, Senator Harris, was standing a few feet away from him.

Senator Booker probably had his best debate yet. According to CNN, he was fourth in line speaking-time-wise. He made clear points and proved to be one of the most charismatic faces on the stage. The debate was noticeably polite, and many experts pointed out it wasn’t much of a debate at all, given the number of times candidates actually attacked each other.

FEATURES

Twelve Things You Should Do During Winter Break

By KATIE LIN

Image from Unsplash

W

inter break, the long-awaited time of the school year that lets students rest and give them the strength to ace their midterms during the holiday season, is finally approaching. This year, ICSD has granted students a longer winter break than in previous years, but if you can’t think of anything to do, here are twelve things you should try during winter break.

1. Sleep!

You really can’t go wrong with this one.

With how sleep-deprived you’ve been lately, it’s time to take back what school has taken from you. If you’re feeling particularly edgy, don’t even set an alarm.

2. Watch Netflix Before Netflix gets rid of classics like The Office and Friends, beat them to it and rewatch both series back-to-back before they’re gone. For once, you’ll get to watch TV for enjoyment instead of for the sake of avoiding your homework.

3. Do crafts For the first time in a long time, you finally have time to do something for yourself that you enjoy. Try making a glitter jar by putting clear glue, water, and glitter in a mason jar and watch the glitter swirl around like a snow globe. Or, try making stickers with parchment paper and tape using a tutorial

on TikTok at 2 A.M. like I did.

4. Learn a new hobby Everyone needs an outlet for stress. Whether that be crocheting, hand-lettering, or something else, find something that brings you joy during the dark winter.

5. Hang out with friends Take a trip to NYC to see the Rockefeller tree, buy holiday candy at Target, or watch a movie with your friends! Let loose and have fun.

6. Watch Phone Swap Snapchat’s Phone Swap series is cringey, strange, and at times very weird. But, it’s very popular with the locals and is considered quality entertainment. If your goal is to engage your mind as little as possible this holiday break, then watch Phone Swap.

7. Shovel a driveway Whether you’re broke and need money, want to be a good citizen to your neighbors, or want to be a child your parents can be proud of, help someone out and shovel their driveway. Once you’re finished, you can make a snow angel and enjoy some hot cocoa.

8. Read a book Personally, I’d choose the Netflix option, but I’m not here to judge. Read the latest

installment in your favorite book series, and enjoy reading for pleasure instead of for a grade.

9. Clean your room If you need to feel productive, clean your room! Fold your clothes neatly and put everything away, Marie Kondo style. You can even decorate your room for the holidays.

Remember to keep an eye out for clothes in your closet that you don’t wear anymore but are in good shape—consider donating them to the Salvation Army for someone in need!

10. Rewatch your favorite movie I highly suggest Crazy Rich Asians if you need to cry and laugh in the span of only two hours. Complete with Awkwafina and great music, get a warm blanket from your drying machine and watch this entertaining masterpiece. Or go see a movie on the big screen in one of the only functioning institutions left in the Ithaca Mall.

11. Do homework Actually, I take it back. This one can wait until Sunday, January 5, at 11 P.M. 12. Take care of yourself!

This is by far the most important option.

Rest up, have fun, and get your energy back. Enjoy the snow and time with loved ones because you deserve it!

DECEMBER 2019

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FEATURES

Teacher Feature: Suzanne Nussbaum (Part Two)

By ANNA WESTWIG

L

ast month, I interviewed Latin teacher Suzanne Nussbaum with a series of questions centered around her early life and how she came to be a wonderful teacher at IHS. This article is a continuation of last month’s interview, in which Nussbaum discusses the state of the Latin language and her personal favorite Latin phrases.

Anna Westwig ‘21: Latin is considered an obsolete subject to a lot of people. It is a dead language, despite repeated attempts at necromancy, and it’s not one you can hold a conversation in, like Spanish or French or Russian.

What is the value, in your opinion, of learning Latin, especially for high schoolers, the majority of whom will not pursue a classics degree?

Does it have any relevance in our modern society?

Suzanne Nussbaum: Why study Latin? Well, it’s the parent language of Italian, Spanish, French, and other Romance languages. It’s had a disproportionate influence on English, even though English is a Germanic language (French speakers took over England in 1066 and infused the English language with Latin-derived vocabulary). Since it’s a dead language, the focus is on reading the texts written by the Romans, which means we try to learn the grammar as quickly as possible. So the beginning language course moves pretty fast (all six tenses in one year, for example). It’s a more analytic approach than you’ll find in a modern language, where the focus is on speaking without having to stop and analyze all the time. Studying any language teaches you a lot about your own native tongue, which you never think about unless you have to.

Latin is fairly difficult: there’s a lot to memorize. You can’t keep looking at charts in a book when you’re trying to read a text any more than you can keep checking the fingering chart (“How do I play a high G#” or whatever?) while playing a musical instrument.

But that’s a good thing! It’s a kind of discipline (by which I mean training, like making yourself go to the gym every day), and it teaches you to look for and notice the grammatical patterns that occur. Just as plenty of students 8

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study musical instruments without necessarily planning to go into a career in music, they play because they like making music, they like challenging themselves, and they know they’re having a unique experience playing together in a band or orchestra. Students can get a lot of benefits from Latin even if they’re not planning to study it in college.

I know that one of the Cornell Linguistics professors, Abby Cohn, who comes to IHS every year to talk about the North American Computational Linguistics Olympiad (in which IHS students can compete), thinks that Latin is a good introduction to the study of linguistics, which isn’t a subject offered in high schools. Studying Latin offers a lot of chances to talk about how languages work and also to see how languages change over time (so anyone who comes to Latin with a background in Spanish or French or Italian or Portuguese can see this).

Just because Latin was spoken/written long ago, that’s no reason to “write the Romans off ” as irrelevant. For better or worse, they have had a disproportionate influence on the world that followed their time; that alone makes them interesting. There are also things about the Romans—slavery (which all cultures at the time and place practiced) and the slaughter of people and animals for entertainment—that we can hardly bear to think about. When you study people who lived in a very different time, you can address such questions as what makes them similar to us, what makes them different, and so forth. Maybe it’s important that people in the 21st century think about what, if anything, is constant about human beings.

AW: What do you think of the attempts to reinstate Latin as a living language? For example, Duolingo treats it like any of their other modern languages, acting as though it were spoken today.

SN: Some of the attempts to treat Latin as no different than from a modern language strike me as silly. I would never want to spend a lot of class time getting students to respond to commands in Latin like “Open your books!”, “Walk to the door!”, “Open the windows!”, etc.

It seems to me that students should be taking Spanish, French, or German if they want the experience of learning a language that’s genuinely spoken by people with whom they can have a conversation with. On the other hand, I’ve had some experience with people who take very seriously the idea that those who know Latin already should try and experience what it’s like to use it in speech. These are advanced scholars and teachers and they’re not wasting their time! Apparently, about two hundred of them gathered in Spain this summer for a conference and gave papers in Latin and talked to each other in Latin the whole time. It’s a little hard for me to imagine, but recently I participated with other Latin teachers and professors in a baby-steps version of this at Syracuse University, and it was interesting. You can, in fact, start thinking in terms of “I’m setting up for a purpose clause!” or “I’ve got to switch to the accusative and infinitive for indirect statement!,” and that’s fun. I still don’t think anything beats reading and understanding actual Latin off the page, though!

AW: What’s the most misused/misinterpreted Latin phrase, or the one that annoys you the most?

SN: Most misused phrase: something that goes like “Illegitimi non carborundum.” It’s supposed to mean “Don’t let the bastards get you down!” I have no idea when and where it started up, but it’s gibberish, so far as I know (unfortunately).

AW: On the flip side, what is your favorite Latin phrase?

SN: Favorite phrase: a line from The Aeneid, where Aeneas sees on the walls of the temple of Juno in Carthage scenes that he lived through during the Trojan War, invoking the pathos and suffering of the Trojans. “Sunt lacrimae rerum et mentem mortalia tangunt. There are tears for (human) affairs and mortal things touch the heart.” The line is almost untranslatable. “They cry over life here” is something like what I suppose “Sunt lacrimae rerum” must mean. Anyway, in the story because he sees

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these pictures of the Trojan War, Aeneas takes heart and assumes that the Carthaginians will welcome him and his people kindly, as indeed they do. . . .

AW: Vergil or Virgil? [There are two conflicting spellings of Vergil’s name. I, personally, am a fan of Vergil.]

SN: I like the spelling Vergil because it goes back to his name in antiquity (Publius Vergilius Maro). The spelling Virgil is cool, though.

Apparently, because he described Aeneas’ descent to the Underworld in Book 6 in late antiquity, they connected his name with the word “virga” (which IHS Latin students know

as “whip” or a stick to hit horses with, but became the term for a magician’s wand). By any spelling, though, he’s pretty fabulous!

AW: If you could only save one book of The Aeneid before the rest would all be destroyed in a fire, what book would it be?

SN: I’m glad that we have The Aeneid. Did you know that Vergil, on his deathbed, begged his friends to burn it up because it was unfinished? I couldn’t possibly pick just one book!

I’m glad I don’t have to for real, but I suppose either Book 2 (the story of the night Troy fell, including the Trojan Horse episode, and Aeneas’ first intimations of his mission to lead

the survivors of Troy to “the Western Land”) or Book 1 (introductory to so much and containing that great scene I described earlier, where Aeneas discovers that his own life experiences have already been turned into artistic representation) would be my top choices. Book 1 also introduces us to the “divine plane” of the poem, where Jupiter lays out the coming glory of the future Roman race that is meant to compensate their Trojan ancestors for all their suffering. The contrast between how the gods see things, and how people experience them, is one of the most interesting facets of the poem.

I Am a Mental Health Warrior

By MELANIE WIRTZ Content warning: This story mentions selfharm and suicide.

Active Minds Club is a place for students to meet and talk freely and safely about mental illess with each other. They meet on Wednesdays during period 0 in G107.

M

y experience with mental illness has changed the way I act, look, and think. Living with bipolar disorder, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) has changed my life and the way people treat me.

I remember in fifth grade, my anxiety increased and my parents thought that switching schools would help. I thought it would help too, but at the beginning of the school year I became bothered by touching objects that felt dirty to me. At first, I brushed it off and tried to hide it. I did not realize how serious it could get. I was diagnosed with OCD, which turned into a nightmare. Hiding my OCD was impossible because it impacted every part of my life.

I was anxious and hopeless. Seeking relief and unsure how to get help, I started to self-harm by the end of the school year.

At the beginning of sixth grade, I was falling into the deep end. I was having mood swings, and the doctor told me I had bipolar disorder.

Everything would soon crash down on me. My perceived need to self-harm was so out of control. I shut people out around me and was isolated at school; I felt alone. Eventually, depression took over. I could not function at school,

and eventually, I was not allowed back. I had to change schools, again. I lost my friends, my ability to function, and my relationships with my family. I felt like my life was ruined.

My anxiety is constantly overwhelming.

The smallest conflict feels like the end of the world. My mind always races to the worst possible outcome for everything. No amount of reassurance can make me feel like things will ever be okay. My worries consume me day and night. When I feel anxious, listening to music or drawing sometimes helps me feel better.

Life with OCD is difficult. Imagine walking into a room and feeling like if you touch anything, you will get so contaminated that no amount of washing can get you clean. I live life trying to avoid anything that feels like it will contaminate me, and I am always on the alert for possible contaminations. Whenever I try to read something, my mind is so fixated on many other things that it is impossible to focus. When I fixate on one task, I cannot focus on anything else. The battle with OCD is one I continue to fight.

Living with bipolar disorder is like being on a roller coaster. My moods are constantly out of control. When I am depressed, the simplest tasks (such as getting out of bed) feel impossible. I would rather stay alone in my room and cry than be around friends or family. I feel hopeless and want to die. Then out of nowhere, my mood turns manic. This is not a happy manic, like most people think, but rather an anger raging in me. My racing thoughts make it impossible to focus. Even when I am

healthy I can never relax; I always know my next depressive or manic episode may be right around the corner.

My recovery has been slow and difficult, but I know I am on the right path. I stopped self-harming and now have other ways to cope. I am back at school as a freshman and I am making new friends. It is difficult going to school and living every day. I may have visible scars on the outside but I also have internal scars that no one sees. I try every day to improve my mental health and have made it a priority. I still see my doctor and counselor regularly. I have also taken a leadership role in the Active Minds Club at IHS with the hopes of spreading awareness of mental health. I am also hoping to help get rid of the stigma surrounding mental health illnesses so young people can seek help now.

My hope is that our school will become a place where students with mental health struggles do not feel they have to hide it and know they are not alone. To accomplish this, our school needs to start the conversation about mental health and give students a place where they feel safe being open about their struggles. It is time to shed the secrecy and shame surrounding mental health. Only then can we truly break the stigma and focus on getting people the help they need. I hope to use my personal struggles to do good in the world and that is why I am sharing my story with you. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and for getting conversations started here at IHS about mental health.

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DIY Gift Ideas

By MJ STUELKE

W

ith the holidays approaching, we’re going to be thinking more and more about gifts that we can get our friends and loved ones. But of course, being high school students, most of us don’t have tons of money to spend on extravagant gifts, even though we might want to. These five DIY gifts are super easy and don’t cost loads of money.

2. Hand-Bound Journal

1. Mason Jar Baking Kit

This one is a little labor-intensive, but quite fun. I’ve been binding books as a hobby for half a year now, and while my quality isn’t professional, I still enjoy it thoroughly.

This particular project is with chain stitch book binding, which is, in my opinion, the easiest. For this project you will need ten pages of letter sized paper, scissors, a utility knife, a ruler, two kinds of colored cardstock, a glue stick, a needle and thread, an awl or safety pin, duct tape, and some chipboard or an old cereal box to use as a cover.

To start, fold your paper in half lengthwise, then cut them in half widthwise. Now you should have forty 4 ¼’’ by 5 ½’’ sheets.

Stack them all inside of each other (this is called a signature). When you do this, you will get a raised edge at the end of the pages, which you can cut off or just leave. To cut it off, place a ruler at the end of the pages where you want to cut, and cut the pages with slow, controlled movements until you get the edge that you want. If you want it even smoother, you can sand it when you’ve finished.

Next, let’s make the cover. Out of your chipboard or cereal box, cut two 4 ⅛’’ by 5 ¾’’ pieces. These will be your front and back covers. Next, cover one side of your board with glue and place it in the center of a piece of colored card stock. Trim three of the edges to one inch from the board and

This gift is one of my personal favorites, and I’ve been making it for years. For this project, you will need a medium-to-large mason jar, a sheet of cardstock, a painting supply kit, and a ribbon.

First, find a recipe that you think your friend or family member will enjoy. Either print it out or handletter it onto the cardstock. Then, punch a hole in the top and set it aside. Next, get a mason jar and unscrew the lid. This step is optional, but I like to paint a mini picture of the baked good this mix is for.

Next, fill the mason jar with all the dry ingredients from the recipe. Screw the lid on, and tie the recipe around it with the ribbon. You’re all done! A variation of this gift is filling the mason jar with hot chocolate mix and adding something like cinnamon, marshmallow, or candy cane chunks.

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one of the long sides flush to it, or right against it.

Next, cut triangles out of the corners of the cardstock about three millimeters away from the board (that way, the cardstock can fold over it). Cover the flaps with glue and press them down onto the inside of the board. To make the inside of the cover, cut out a 3 ¾” by 5” section of your other cardstock, gluing it to the inside of the board, making sure that one of the long edges is flush again. Put this under a weight to make sure it dries properly. Repeat this to make the other cover. When both have dried, we’re going to make the hinge of the book.

Set them down on a flat surface ⅞” apart.

Tape them down with removable tape, like painter’s or washi tape. Next, press on duct tape, making sure you have enough to wrap around to the other side of the cover. Once you have enough, carefully cut it and remove the removable tape. Flip it over to the other side and smooth the duct tape to complete the spine. Use your thumbnail to smooth the creases along the board.

The next step is to mark and pierce your pages. Take one page out of the pile and, starting at the middle, make a mark at each ½” mark. Next, stack that sheet and nineteen others together, making sure that the marked one is on the outside. Lay them flat on the table so that the marked sheet is on top. Using your awl or pin, make punctures through all the sheets and repeat with the other pages and the cover. For the cover, make sure you center the marked page in the middle of the spine before you begin poking holes. After you put all the pages back together, it’s time to begin sewing.

Thread your needle with about two feet of thread, tying a double knot at the end.

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Starting with the top hole on the inside of your signature, poke your needle through.

Once the thread is taut, poke the needle through the top hole on the cover, and pull it flush. Then put your needle back through the same hole, but leave a small loop on the outside. Thread your needle through the next hole of both the signature and the cover. Once you’ve done that, thread it through the small loop you made and back through the hole you came through. Continue this pattern, wrapping the thread around the previous stitch each time. When you get to the last stitch, tie a triple knot on the inside of the signature and cut it off. You now have a lovely hand bound book to give to a loved one! (Credit: SeaLemon) 3. Kitchen Seed Kit

This project is a great gift to give to the gardener in your life. There are two parts to this one: making the mini envelopes and making the seed kit itself. For the envelopes, you will need three 4” by 4” squares of coloured paper and some glue.

Turn the first square so that it is the shape of a diamond. Cut out small triangles two inches long on the top two sides, and two triangles, each one inch long, on the bottom two sides. Fold two opposite sides into the middle where their folds are in the center of the little triangles you cut out. Put glue on the bottom two edges and fold up the bottom, smoothing out the glue. Repeat with the other two squares. Once they dry, you have your envelopes!

Now to the main event: the seed starter kit. For this you will need an empty sixegg carton, a plastic bag, soil, seeds of your choice (I used tomato, basil, and oregano), colored paper, popsicle sticks, glue, cardstock, butcher’s paper (or brown paper), ribbon or twine, duct tape, scissors, Sharpie, and colored pencils.

First, put a couple of spoonfuls of dirt into the plastic bag. Seal and place inside the carton. Next, write the names of the seeds on their respective envelopes in Sharpie. Put your seeds in the envelopes and the envelopes in the carton. Cut out three small circles from the colored paper, and write the first letter of each kind of seed on them. Cut three popsicle sticks in half, and glue one circle to each half stick. Once these have dried, place them in the carton as well.

Now, we are going to make directions.

On a piece of 4” by 3” cardstock, write out directions along the lines of this: “Add soil into each pod. Poke a hole into the soil and place in a couple seeds. Cover the seeds with soil. Water the soil and let it sprout for 1-2 weeks inside, by a window. Once a little guy has sprouted, transfer pods into a planter or your garden. Please try not to kill them this time. Love you.”

Place these instructions inside the carton and close it. Now, cut a 4” wide strip of butcher or brown paper that is long enough to wrap around the whole box and duct tape it closed at the bottom. On the top, you can write something witty and draw a picture with sharpie and colored pencils. When you have finished that, wrap the whole thing with a twine or ribbon bow. You’re all done! (Credit: BuzzFeed Nifty)

and wrap it around the styrofoam allowing some overlap, starting in the middle of the bottom, hot gluing it in place. Next, cut out two 1” by 2” pieces with rounded corners to glue onto the edges of your trunk. Then cut out two ¼” by 11” strips of the dark brown paper and four ⅛” by 11” strips of the light brown paper. Wrap the dark brown strips around the edges to neaten up the seams, and two of the light brown ones directly on top of them, again gluing on the middle of the bottom. Then glue the other two light brown strips at the 2” and 3” marks.

Use a black marker all the way around to show where the trunk opens, then use the gold sharpie to add the initials, clasp, and hinges. Then glue some twine on the back side so that it will hang nicely from a tree.

All finished! (Credit: Karen Kavett DIY) 5. Sweet Treat Box

4. Harry Potter Ornaments

This one is for all the nerds that you have in your life. For this Harry Potter Trunk ornament, you will need a 1” by 2” by 4” piece of styrofoam, dark and light brown paper, scissors or exacto knife, hot glue, and a black and a gold sharpie.

To start, sand down the edges of the styrofoam until they are rounded. Next, cut a 4” by 11’’ piece of the dark brown paper

Almost everyone has memories of baking cookies with their family around the holidays, so why not share that joy with your friends? This classic gift was first recorded in the US in the early seventeenth century. For this one, you will need a holiday themed Tupperware or box, some kind of sweet that you or your family have made, and some ribbon. Arrange the treats in the box nicely. Put on the lid, and tie a bow around the box with a ribbon. You could even add the recipe if you want to prolong the joy, and you’re finished!

I hope all of you enjoyed this DIY tutorial article. Have a wonderful holiday season, IHS! DECEMBER 2019

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Hall Monitor

By JUSTIN HEITZMAN, JEFFERSON SHENG

What is the Worst Holiday Gift You’ve Ever Received?

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“Socks, I guess.”

Joshua Ha ’20

“My sister gave me a pillowcase with Tom Hiddleston on it for Christmas.”

Abigail Leonard ‘22

“Crocs with no holes.”

Kenya Westfield ‘21

“Four years ago, my sister got me one of those hamper hoop things, and I’ve never used it.”

Simon Goldweber ‘23

DECEMBER 2019

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“No gift at all.”

Vincent Chatterton ‘20

“Socks and underwear. It’s a family tradition.”

Nicholas DiNapoli ‘21 DECEMBER 2019

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Recipe Review: Curry Puffs from Tasty

By MJ STUELKE Curry Ingredients: • 1 tbsp vegetable oil • ½ medium white onion, diced • 1 ½ lb chicken breast, cubed • 2 tsp salt • 1 tsp black pepper • 1 tsp ground cumin • 2 tbsp curry powder • ½ tsp cayenne • 2 medium russet potatoes, cooked and diced • 1 cup frozen peas, cooked • 1 cup frozen carrot, cooked • 2 cups whole milk • 1 egg, beaten, if baking Pastry Ingredients: • 2 ½ cups self-rising flour • 1 cup cornmeal • 1 tsp kosher salt • 2 sticks unsalted butter, cubed and chilled • 1 cup buttermilk • ¼ cup all-purpose flour, for dusting Directions: 1. Preheat the oven to 350°F (180°C), or heat a large pot filled halfway with cooking oil to 350°F (180°C). Place a wire rack on top of a baking sheet.

2. In large pan, add vegetable oil, onion, chicken, salt, pepper, cumin, curry powder, and cayenne. Cook for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally until onion softens.

3. Add potatoes, peas, carrots, and milk. Stir to combine.

Cook for 10 minutes, stirring to break up the potatoes until the curry thickens to the consistency of mashed potatoes.

Remove the pan from the heat and let the curry cool for 30 minutes.

4. In a large bowl, whisk together the self-rising flour, cornmeal, and salt.

5. Add the butter and press into the dry ingredients with your fingertips until the flour resembles coarse sand.

6. Add the buttermilk and stir until the dough comes together in a ball.

7. Dust a clean surface with the all-purpose flour. Turn the dough out and fold in half, then make the dough into a circle and roll out with a rolling pin to about ¼ inch (6 mm) thick.

8. Using a wine glass, cut out 8 circles from each pastry sheet.

9. Scoop 1 tbsp of the cooled curry filling in the center of a puff pastry circle. Fold the puff pastry in half, press the edges together, and seal the edges in a folding and rolling motion.

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Image from Tasty 10. If baking, place the curry puffs on the prepared baking sheet and brush with egg wash. Bake for 15 minutes, or until golden brown.

11. If frying, add the curry puffs to the hot oil in batches and fry for 5 minutes, until golden brown.

12. Let cool for 10 minutes before serving.

13. Enjoy!

One of my absolute favorite dishes is curry, and after watching Black Butler, I really wanted to try making curry buns like they had in the show. I found this recipe, and I thought it looked amazing, and it had loads of good reviews from other people. I actually made a “Frankenrecipe” with this dish, because I took the pastry recipe from Tasty’s chili-stuffed biscuits recipe.

I noticed right away that the amount of curry powder would be too much for me, even though the bread would counteract the spice to some extent, so I cut the amount of curry powder in half. That ended up tasting great! I would also recommend putting in honey at the end because it helps the flavors meld and really brings it all together. I used beef instead of chicken, and it was still wonderful.

I also used half of the potatoes that the original recipe called for, which turned out just right. This is one of my favorite recipes of all time, and I’m making this for my birthday dinner!

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The Worst Songs To Die To

By WILL THOMAS

T

hroughout the history of music, there have certainly been amazing songs and bands. There have also been awful songs that can ruin a day in three minutes. Today, we take a look at what song would best ruin your death. What song will take the prize as the worst song to die to?

Let’s take a look.

“Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley Astley’s 1987 hit playing in your final moments would be sheer torture. Getting rickrolled as you lay there bleeding out would make anyone want to sprint for the white light at the end of the tunnel.

“Take On Me” by A-ha This shrill Norwegian synthpop song literally annoying you until the day you die is enough to make you scream as high as the ridiculous voices of A-ha’s members.

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham!

This song by characteristically bubbly and energetic band Wham! blasting its signature chorus during your last hours would cause anybody to groan with whatever little breath they have left.

“All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey Mariah Carey combines both a song that is both hated and overplayed with an unsettling double entendre. This song moves up a few spots on this list should it be the holiday season.

“All Star” by Smash Mouth Smash Mouth’s 1999 hit is maybe one of the only not-terrible songs on this list.

With that said, it’s an upbeat, go-get-‘em song that has arguably been overplayed to the point of its ruin. If you’re a huge fan of this song, maybe it’s just what you want, but maybe you should reconsider your life choices. Just saying.

“Friday” by Rebecca Black A legitimately terrible song that repeats its chorus until oblivion itself. You don’t want this song playing ever, let alone at the hour of your reckoning. This song moves up a few spots on the list should it be Friday.

“Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)” by Silentó This one is almost self-explanatory. Shut up, Silentó!

“Baby” by Justin Bieber The most statistically disliked song of all time. It doesn’t really fit with dying like most of these songs do, but it’s bad enough of a song to warrant its place. I’ve limited myself to one song per artist, but I might just have to make a sequel to this list of the worst Bieber songs to die to.

“Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees This disco song from the Bee Gees brings considerable irony and an earworm of a background sound that is simply just right if you’re being murdered. With that said, it would be a terrible end to a terrible day.

“Walking On Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves An upbeat song about having a good day on what is almost certainly your worst day.

You’d curse your luck if this song was on the radio on a normally bad day. The whole murder thing only compounds it.

“Hit Me With Your Best Shot” by Pat Benatar Sheer irony: that’s what this song would be. If you’re somebody with a great sense of humor, you’ll chuckle and slap your forehead, unless somebody’s best shot finishes its work.

Anything by Kidz Bop Everybody past the age of seven hates Kidz Bop. They take songs and just remove all of the good parts. Add some autotuned kids and bam: instant profit. Oh, how I loathe them. If you want to hear a bunch of thirteen-year-olds that pretend to be ten and sing pop songs with no curse words playing as you die, then you deserve whatever you get.

Anything by Nickelback It’s Nickelback, enough said.

“Another One Bites The Dust” by Queen A legitimately good song that provides considerable irony. As good as this song is, it feels like you’re just another one biting the dust, no different from the others. Cynical people might enjoy it.

“Baby Shark” An annoying song that just repeats itself until you cry. It would be higher on the list except for its relative youth. We have yet to see if this song can stick as the definitive annoying internet song in a decade chock full of them.

On a different note, the best song to be murdered to is “We Are the Champions” by Queen. It has a soaring chorus and the music is equally uplifting. This song is truly the champion.

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CUTE THINGS

PETS DURING TH

By MJ STUELKE

Every human loves sweet t friend as well? These wo hand, but almost any pet have these fo

DO CATS Everyone knows that cats love toys, and what better way to show your appreciation for them than making them some? These DIY felt sushi toys are all the rage with my cats; they absolutely love them! This was a super simple DIY that I had so much fun doing! I’m sure you will too!

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S TO DO FOR YOUR

HE

HOLIDAYS

treats, so why wouldn’t their best ould be super easy to make by store or pet-friendly bakery will or you to purchase!

OGS SMALL ANIMALS Everyone loves to be cozy during the winter and your hamster or bunny is no different! For this super simple DIY, take an old sock and cut holes for your fuzzy friend’s legs and head. Perfect sweater!

DECEMBER 2019

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Highway 13 Revisited: Bob Dylan at Ithaca College

By LELAND XU, RYAN CUNNINGHAM Image Provided

Bob Dylan on guitar

W

hen one goes to a Paul McCartney concert, the audience member usually knows what they’re getting themselves into; McCartney will play hits that the majority of his fans will know with relative accuracy in terms of pitch and timing to achieve as little deviation from the original recording of the song. This is done in order to please 18

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fans—to allow fans to believe they got their money’s worth by getting to hear their favorite singers sing their favorite songs as exactly as they heard them when they fell in love with the songs in the first place. On the other hand, Bob Dylan, in his concerts and live performances, throws all of these expectations out the window intentionally, and it’s not always a pleasant or desired

experience for fans.

The audience at the Ithaca College’s Athletics and Events Center was a dead giveaway that we were encroaching on Dylan turf. Gray-haired Bob Dylan fans, many of whom likely had known him since his humble beginnings in the 1960s, packed the modern stadium. Much to the annoyance of audience members, swaths of

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these Dylan devotees would rise up to dance later in the concert.

One would think that it would be impossible to boogie to some of Dylan’s songs—the rhythm doesn’t really lend itself to dancing— yet it seems Dylan’s fans are capable of doing the impossible. Looking around, there were also small pockets of teens and college students distributed throughout the audience. Clearly, though, youth was the minority at this concert.

The concert started at 8 P.M., when all the lights of Ithaca College’s Athletics and Events Center immediately shut off and an excerpt of Igor Stravinsky’s “The Rite of Spring” mixed in with guitar riffs of Johnny Cash’s “Folsom Prison Blues” started playing, catching everyone in the audience off-guard. Dylan’s sudden entrance provoked a wave of applause and enthusiastic cheers from the audience.

Wearing identical silver blazers coated in glitter (a demonstration of impeccable sartorial taste), Dylan and his band went on to perform songs from across the spectrum of his long-lasting career; the oldest song having been released in 1964 and the newest song having been released in 2012. After each song, no matter how mediocre the performance, a roar of applause came from the crowd.

One individual sitting in Section 1 of the audience was so blessed to be in the presence of his hero that, like clockwork, he would scream “Bob Dylan!” at the top of his lungs every five minutes.

Unsurprisingly, Dylan’s infamous unpredictable singing and raspy voice completely destroyed the coherence and quality of older songs such as “Highway 61 Revisited” and “It Ain’t Me Babe.”

However, it was par for the course and, strangely, was more understandable for some of his newer songs like “Early Roman Kings” because his voice was ruined by then anyway. The pacing and diction of his singing were lackluster and incomprehensible at times; some moments he would monotonously mumble through entire sentences in mere seconds, while other times he would linger far too long on some words for no particular reason. It became incredibly difficult to identify the song he was actually singing until the chorus (if at all) for two reasons. One: he and his band used and played a different version than the studio recording (which sometimes robbed the song of its original mood), and two: no one could actually understand a word Dylan was saying. However, more emotionally-charged songs such as “Make You Feel My Love” and “Girl From the North Country” brought, or forced, greater clarity and variety within Dylan’s voice and pitch, though he still strained to hit the high notes of both songs.

The instrumentation of the performance also faced problems.

Many of the songs on Dylan’s setlist were during his late ‘90s and 2000s classic rock/folk phase, a period in which songs tended to be repetitive, as attention was supposed to be diverted primarily towards processing Dylan’s masterful lyricism. Yet, because Dylan refused to let himself be understood and was insistent on croaking throughout the entire concert, the blaring chords of his backup band took over much of the acoustics and drowned out what little could be heard from Dylan. As a result, the repetitive structure of Dylan’s songs became undoubtedly apparent. Dylan loudly muttered through a few lines, the band played the same riffs over and over in response, then Dylan continued with the next stanza— rinse and repeat. The obvious rhythmic patterns in Dylan’s songs

got excessive at times, so much so that it was a challenge not to fall asleep.

It often felt like Dylan and his band were fighting over who could blow out the most eardrums by the end of the night, and no one was really winning. Using concert earplugs helped to isolate some of the sounds (which were all muddled together), but the situation wasn’t entirely salvageable. Dylan’s murmurs and grunts in some of his songs were still almost unintelligible, no matter how effectively you could eliminate some of the odd acoustics and background noise that hogged the soundstage.

After eighteen songs, the concert seemed close to an end. The crowd of old-timers watched in awe as Dylan and his crew left the stage—which was strangely decorated with Roman busts and an array of mannequins clad in formal attire—and soon people began to leave. Then Dylan returned to play two songs from his seminal work, Highway 61 Revisited: “Ballad of a Thin Man” and “It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry,” and massacred them as well. At last, the stadium’s lights turned on (after a standing ovation and many a cheer and yelp from the crowd, of course) so we could finally leave.

We do not hate Bob Dylan. Some of our first articles for The Tattler were about his excellence, both in lyricism and rhythm. Dylan’s music is not bad. The songs he performed for the concert are not bad songs. But his live performances leave a lot to be desired, in terms of coherence and musical variety. Additionally, for those who are easily frustrated, the audience at Dylan concerts poses a major threat.

For those interested, there is a playlist included below that has all the songs that Dylan performed in the concert their original and ideal states, which are infinitely better than what was performed at Ithaca College that night. https://spoti.fi/33hVAJv

DECEMBER 2019

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Two Perspectives on Jane Yolen’s Mapping the Bones

By ANNA WESTWIG, ADOWYN ERNSTE

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he year is 1942, and Chaim and Gittel, Polish twins, are forced from their beautiful home and made to live in the Łódź Ghetto. Their family’s cramped quarters are awful, but when even those dire circumstances become too dangerous, their parents decide to make for the nearby Lagiewniki Forest, where partisan fighters are trying to shepherd Jews to freedom in Russia.

The partisans take Chaim and Gittel, with promises that their parents will catch up—but soon, everything goes wrong. Their small band of fighters is caught and killed. Chaim, Gittel, and their two friends are left alive, only to be sent off to Sobanek concentration camp.

Chaim is quiet, a poet, and the twins often communicate through wordless exchanges of shared looks and their own invented sign language. But when they reach Sobanek, with its squalid conditions, rampant disease, and a building with a belching chimney that everyone is scared to so much as look at, the bond between Chaim and Gittel, once a source of strength, becomes a burden. For there is a doctor there looking to experiment on twins, and what he has in store for them is a horror they dare not imagine.

many times a metaphor or a simile is used. There is one recurring comparison of people looking at them like “they were weaving their shrouds in their minds” that has been hammering around in my head since I read it. And it’s certainly not an exception. Mapping the Bones is altogether phenomenally written.

There is a Hansel and Gretel association in the book that felt overwrought at times. It didn’t feel coherent; it felt like little snatches of something, throwaway lines that sent you back to the premise, but it didn’t feel like it added anything to the plot or the emotional journey. If I wasn’t looking for the references, they

(Summary supplied by goodreads.com) Review by ANNA WESTWIG

- Translated by Yevgeny Bonver These three lines of one of poet Anna Akhmatova’s most famous poems, “Реквием,” or “Requiem,” hold the heart of Mapping the Bones. Author Jane Yolen is concerned, first and foremost, with retelling: with retelling the Holocaust, retelling fairy tales, retelling a retelling. It is literally woven into the narrative, as the main character, Chaim, is largely mute, and restricts himself to using five or fewer words at a time. His twin sister Gittel, however, is restricted to narrating in flashbacks, as she recalls the events Chaim is describing in the present. He is a poet, though he hesitates to call himself such, and vows to “act as a living memory to the events here . . . to witness and then write about them. But because they were allowed no paper, no pencils, he had to remember each piece of writing whole. Not just a line here, a word there, but whole.”

The language is what shines through. It is masterfully crafted, every metaphor slotting into place as if it was meant to be. The characters, who are ardent lovers of language, themselves speak in metaphors, adding more depth to the book. The luscious writing style is a natural product of the characters and not an over-indulgence of the author. It doesn’t feel like purple-prose, no matter how 20 DECEMBER 2019

Mapping the Bones is a historical Holocaust novel by Jane Yolen

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would have just seemed jarring and irrelevant. I would have enjoyed the book much more if it didn’t have the Hansel and Gretel element and just stuck with its plot, even if that plot followed the archetype of the story. There was an obvious attempt to link the witch in Hansel and Gretel with the fictional apprentice of Dr. Josef Mengele, but it didn’t quite work. The disparity in monstrousness between the two villains felt too great. Often times, fairy-tale associations can serve to add resonance to something so horrible it’s hard to look straight at. This association seemed only to cheapen in it. Calling the concentration camp a “house of candy” didn’t resonate; it felt fake, even saccharine.

This aspect worked at its best when it wasn’t referenced. At one point, Bruno, the loud-mouthed son of the family Chaim and Gittel took with them, tosses rocks behind a wagon. If thought about, this is a clear reference to Hansel and Gretel leaving a trail of pebbles. But it reveals another confusing disparity. While the three major sections of the book follow the three major story segments of Hansel and Gretel, the plot arcs weren’t the same. Chaim and Gittel never follow a trail of stones through the woods to find their way back home. That’s the peak of the story—the part of Hansel and Gretel that is most remembered.

Though this is a book of two characters, it could have done with only one. Chaim’s voice eclipses his sister’s because she speaks only in flashbacks. Though I appreciated what Yolen was attempting, it just didn’t work for me. Gittel often felt like nothing more than a vehicle for backstory, and the way her character in Chaim’s eyes and her own voice clashed was too much for me to handle.

Despite all the criticisms I have of the book, this is an emotional, beautifully-written work that sheds light on the Holocaust without feeling like it indulges in the tragedy of it. Too often, authors use the Holocaust and similar atrocities as vehicles for their emotion, which quickly becomes repulsive. Yolen has not fallen into that trap. She does not use it as a backdrop. And she does not attempt to encapsulate all of the Holocaust but to retell two twins’ part in it. And she succeeds. Chaim and Gittel will stay with me for a long while yet.

Review by ADOWYN ERNSTE At its core, Mapping the Bones shines a light on the monumental sacrifice and strength of living through the horrific events of ghettos and labor camps. In its greatest moments, the novel portrays a vivid and detailed image of this time in history. Through the voices of twins Chaim and Gittel, the reader experiences the frozen bodies of dead children on the street and the heartbreaking loss of loved ones, as well as the charity and kindness of family and strangers. Although the twins’ parents constantly make sacrifices

and reassurance, they cannot entirely mask the inevitable horrors that await the family. As the characters struggle to reach safety and cope with their world falling away around them, the reader, too, struggles to comprehend that these appalling and seemingly-impossible experiences are based off of real history.

Jane Yolen masterfully allows readers to see the raw and uncensored horrors of the Holocaust. However, Mapping the Bones is not without pitfalls. Many of the characters, especially Sophie Norsenburg, Bruno’s sister, were somewhat lacking in personality.

At times, the characters were simply going through the actions and not so much reacting to events in the novel. To some extent, this could be attributed to living through a year in the ghetto, where the only way to survive was to put one foot in front of the other. As Gittel later recounted, “To die was easy. To live was harder” (87). Nonetheless, the devastating experiences of the children were rarely reflected with grief, fear, or even later recollection of what had happened. When Mrs. Norsenburg was shot to death by the Nazis in order to save her children, the immediate reaction was reassurance by the other adults that she had been a hero for her sacrifice—that was all. Even later, there were very few tears or even any recollection of this traumatic event. The children’s similarly minimal reactions throughout the book were not only somewhat unrealistic, but they also took away from the overall horror of the events themselves.

On the contrary, Gittel’s journal, written many years after the events in the novel often provides deep insight and occasionally even contrasts the horrific experiences progressing in the novel to memories of a carefree past. Along with Chaim’s poems, these descriptive and prose-like sections of the book allow the characters’ thoughts and reflections to shine through.

However, there are some occasions in which Yolen’s use of prose is misplaced or out of context. For example, Gittel’s line: “Remember, the morning is wiser than the evening” (245) was an unnecessary way of saying, “We’ll decide what to do tomorrow morning.” While this line finds its origins in the Russian fairy tales that inspired the novel’s progression of events and storyline, Gittel’s words still come across as too subtle of a reference to provide a deep connection.

On the other hand, Chaim’s poetic inclinations create his personality and voice as a character. Throughout the novel, his poems stand as touching sentiments and even words of strength to survive through the darkest of times. In many instances, the characters’ intense feelings about the darkness and innocence of humankind and are able to shine through through the words of this insightful and thoughtful character. Despite the problems the book may have, Yolen’s language portrays an intense and haunting feeling that stays with you long after you put the book down.

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Twelve Days of Christmas Films

By FRANCES KLEMM

E

ach of these films has a special part in every holiday season. I hope that, regardless of what holidays you celebrate or don’t celebrate during the month of December, you can enjoy at least a couple of these cult classics.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

and horror, but there is no movie that ties the Christmas ending together like this one. The production will bring you to tears of sadness and joy, all in the last thirty minutes of the film. If you’re in for a history lesson about the Great Depression, if you want to laugh and cry and notice how every woman in the film has the exact same hair, or if you want to see James Stewart embracing his children (making you feel warm and fuzzy), this is the movie for you. This movie is a Christmas miracle, one I hope you get the chance to watch this holiday season.

in Santa gets transported onto a wonderful train to the North Pole, he comes to have many adventures in this animated classic.

Tom Hanks plays the beloved wise and whimsical conductor, who has the whimsical and mysterious “all-knowing gaze.” Two kids travel hand-in-hand to the magical North Pole where they begin to believe in Santa again.

Scenes of delighted kids on a magical train with instant refills of hot chocolate are crucial to watch on a snowy December evening.

Love Actually

Home Alone

This is a cartoon my grandmother will always sit me and my brother down to watch on Christmas Eve. When it’s snowy outside and warm blankets are surrounding you, this is the perfect film where you can enjoy the holiday spirit. Charlie Brown is timeless with his frumpy Christmas tree and Linus’ “what Christmas is all about” speech. The caroling and simplicity of the classic makes it a special film to revisit during the holiday season.

It’s a Wonderful Life

This story of a young boy who’s left home alone by his large family traveling to Paris is iconic for every time of the year, yet this movie is special when watched during Christmas.

The ten-year-old spends a whole week trying to take care of himself while simultaneously keeping relentless burglars out of his house— only to grow lonely as he decorates the mansion alone. The reunification of the family is a much-beloved holiday ending.

The Polar Express

This is a cult classic for everyone thirteen and up. The adorable tale connects a dozen heartwarming love stories in London during Christmas. The cast is star-studded, with Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Keira Knightly, and Liam Neeson playing roles in the movie. Yes, this has the time-honored stunt of the large cards professing love. The romantic-comedy wraps up warmly with scenes showing the ties each story has to the other and interconnecting all of the holiday magic.

Almost Christmas

This tearjerker has stood the test of nearly seventy years. I might’ve spent half the film wondering why there was no snow and why suddenly there were glimpses of film noir 22

DECEMBER 2019

You may remember the quote: “The bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe.” When a young boy who doesn’t believe

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This comedy about a dysfunctional family coming together for Christmas is one that has been done before, but it always works. The story centers around a family’s first Christmas without their mother, a politician, a single mother going through law school, two sisters who haven’t spoken in years, a cheating scandal, a high schooler struggling with football, and a grandfather’s attempts to cook a dish just like his wife did. There is nothing more like the holidays than a family bonding over memories and food.

trying to find his birth parents in the human world. An enormously tall Ferrell tries to navigate his way in the real world after living a life of elf-ish customs. From random singing to large amounts of candy consumption with a heartwarming romance on the side, this film crafts one of the greatest Christmas movies of all time. Its timeless plot never seems to get too old for laughs. My suggestion—rewatch every holiday season.

to a fireplace to get into the holiday spirit.

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

Last Christmas

Die Hard

It’s controversial as a Christmas movie, but Die Hard is a Christmas movie, no matter what anyone says. Besides, there is nothing more endearing than a man flying back to his wife’s Christmas work party, only to face a European gangster group with loads of machine guns while climbing through numerous elevator shafts. With at least ten dead and plenty of office workers scarred for life, the movie ends with Christmas cheer. I believe this is where the phrase “All’s well that ends well” comes in handy.

Just released this year on November 8, this film is a sweet romance between an unstable woman, who dreams of a singing career, and a man, who is mysterious and kind. The endearing charisma of the main character, Kate, is well-used throughout the film. The plot, conceived by Emma Thompson, is playful and lovable and makes you want to put on George Michael for the holidays.

The original edition of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas came out in 1957 when Dr. Seuss published the book. I’m suggesting you watch the 2000 film, starring Jim Carrey as the reindeer-abusing villain. The playful haircuts, the depressing dog/reindeer Max, and the light decorating contest of a town that is obsessed with Christmas make for the perfect Christmas film. Who wouldn’t want to live in the world Dr. Seuss created, with its wild houses, funny noses, and gorgeous colors?

Who can say no to a persistent seven-year-old who loves the holiday season and convinces a green grinch to love it too?

Mean Girls

Rocky IV

Elf

I’m not a Will Ferrell fan, but this movie is the one holiday exception. If you haven’t already watched it a dozen times, the movie is about a human (Will Ferrell) who was raised by elves,

If you aren’t a holiday fan but want something on theme with the December traditions, try Rocky IV, where Rocky challenges Russian boxer Ivan Drago to a fight. The film’s climax is on Christmas day, so this fits the standards for a Christmas movie. The Rocky series is about a rising boxer in Philadelphia through the years as he wins titles, has a family, and apparently, celebrates the holidays. Watch Sylvestor Stallone train in the snow and next

Is this a Christmas film? It contains one of the most adored Christmas scenes of the 2000s, in which Regina George and the others dress up as Santas and perform “Jingle Bell Rock” in the school auditorium. If you don’t care for the biggest Christmas film, or if you just love the iconic Tina Fey movie, here’s one everyone can stand to watch. Besides, what’s more in tune with the holidays than Cady Heron belting out “Jingle Bell Rock” following an awkward silence?

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ARTS 2.3

BY ADOWYN ERNSTE

Seymour Shmoop: Punk

Trombonist Living the dream

When I grow up, I want to be a dinosaur professor or a rock star.

Steaming Hellbath

as my moment of triumph finally arrived, I realized that this was my true calling…

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DECEMBER 2019

… And what I wanted more than anything was for this moment to last forever…

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Here it comes again, here it comes again.

ACME Fire Sensor

Here comes the rain again…

…Falling on my head like a memory…

The gingerbread Competition

December 2019 Book List

By LOUISA MILLER-OUT

W

e have a nice winter break coming up, so I wanted to share a few book recommendations! There are a variety of different genres represented in this list, from science fiction to a powerful activist treatise to lighthearted graphic biographies to heartwarming romance. I hope you enjoy!

On the Other Side of Freedom by DeRay Mckesson This book is a masterpiece. DeRay Mckesson, a leading voice in the Black Lives Matter movement, fearlessly delves into the systemic inequalities present in our society and encourages every American to work at dismantling the legacy of racism so that we can build a brighter future.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh This book is hilarious. Allie Brosh’s candid prose and expressive illustrations perfectly retell her stories of “unfortunate situations, flawed coping mechanisms, mayhem, and other things that happened.” This is one of the most relatable books I’ve ever read, and it made me laugh until I cried on multiple occasions.

Blackfish City by Sam J. Miller This haunting yet hopeful work of science fiction is set on an Earth destroyed by climate change, which certainly hits close to home.

Yet, humanity persists. A mysterious survivor arrives at the outskirts of the sole remaining city, holding the key to its future.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut This playful interstellar adventure takes the reader on a rollercoaster ride through space and time. Kurt Vonnegut somehow manages to explore the purpose of human life whilst writing about distant worlds, doddering aliens, and time-traveling dogs, which is quite a feat.

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell This is a heartwarming story of the love between two misfits. Eleanor and Park don’t feel like they belong in their respective worlds, so they create a new one just for the two of them. This book broke my heart into a million little pieces and I just couldn’t get enough of it.

The Power by Naomi Alderman This captivating novel places the reader into a world where a slight twist in nature has massive implications for human society as we know it. Women and girls are given the physical power to inflict harm with a mere snap of their fingers, a power which is theirs to wield as they choose.

Tomboy by Liz Prince This graphic memoir explores gender roles while recounting hilarious anecdotes from the life of Liz Prince, who doesn’t feel like she belongs on either end of the gender spectrum. Her comics are wonderful, and this book manages to be light and funny while still delivering a powerful message.

DECEMBER 2019

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Book Review: The Lager Queen of Minnesota

By ZACHARY FOLEY

N

ow that summer is a distant memory, many people have trouble finding time to read for fun when they have schoolwork, clubs, and sports. Although this is a busy time, I urge everyone to find time, even for just half an hour a day, to read a book for fun. If you are looking for a fun read that touches on some deep societal issues, The Lager Queen of Minnesota by J. Ryan Stradal is for you.

The Lager Queen of Minnesota tells the story of a Minnesotan family by weaving together chapters set in different times. Instead of being organized in a strict chronological order, the book is organized so it most clearly tells the story to the reader. The story initially follows two sisters, Helen and Edith, who take different paths in life: Helen focuses on making beer and money, while Edith focuses on making a family and baking pies. The two sisters grow apart and lead very different lives as a result of their different values. Edith struggles financially with paying expenses related to her car, while Helen struggles with not having many close friends or family members. The book later ties in the story of Edith’s grand-

daughter, Diana, and ends in the present.

Although the stories of Helen and Edith are essential to the book, high school readers will most likely find the story of Diana the most relatable. Diana deals with school, standardized tests, college applications, and the ups and downs of high school relationships.

Published earlier this year, The Lager Queen of Minnesota is a contemporary book. With such modern references as a Lizzo song playing in the brewery, The Lager Queen of Minnesota feels very relevant. In addition to having modern cultural references, the book is full of messages about modern issues, such as poverty in old age and how the stresses of poverty can affect children.

Each chapter is titled by a monetary amount. This style choice helps exemplify one of the main themes of the piece, which is how value, money, and family are viewed in our society and the effects of putting too much emphasis on either one. A fun, feel-good book with important statements on relevant issues in today’s society, The Lager Queen of Minnesota is a must-read.

December Events in Ithaca

By RAIA GUTMAN

D

ecember can be a beautiful month, with snow on the ground and free time during break, but sometimes we find ourselves with nothing to do.

Luckily, there is a plethora of engaging events and activities during the winter in our community.

the Commons.

Acts.

13: the Musical - December 7, 7 P.M. Catch the classic coming-of-age musical before the movie adaptation hits Netflix!

The performance will be at the Park School Auditorium at Ithaca College.

Antigone Project: A Play in Five Parts December 3 through December 8 Come see an adaptation of Sophocles’ Antigone conceived by Chiori Miyagawa and Sabrina Peck at Ithaca College’s Clark Theatre.

Campus Choral Ensemble - December 10, 7 P.M. Enjoy a range of choral music sung by the talented singers at IC. Free and open to the public at Hockett Family Recital Hall.

Winter Solstice Garden Tour - December 20, 12-1:30 P.M. Learn about plants in winter and seasonal folklore while looking at the plants of the Mullestein Family Garden. Meet in the Nevin Welcome Center at Cornell to warm up with hot cocoa and visit the gift shop afterward.

First Friday Gallery Night - December 6, 5-8 P.M. Head downtown and check out the monthly tour of local art at venues on and around 26

DECEMBER 2019

Student-Directed One Acts - December 13-14, 7 P.M.; December 15, 2 P.M. Come see the impressive work of our own IHS students as the producers, directors, and actors of the Student Directed One

Fashion & Feathers - through January 20 Visit the exhibition on birds and fashion, a collaboration between the Cornell Costume and Textile Collection, Cornell Lab of Ornithology, and Cornell University Museum of Vertebrates. The exhibition is on display on Level T of the Human Ecology Building at Cornell.

LITERARY

winter — found poem

By CHLOE MOORE I would like to decorate this silence, but my house grows only cleaner.

What old December’s bareness everywhere

When sunset played havoc with bright leaves of alders, we [were] all sitting here strangely On top of the sunlight.

The sky moves in its whiteness being the color of snow, catching the sun so [it was], in part at least, golden, Beneath the sinking moon.

The moon and the stars Suddenly flicker out, the wise trees stand sleeping in the cold.

I don’t know the name of this bird, I saw [it] as through the veil, secretly, joyfully, clearly.

My possibles are all packed up . . . still I do not leave.

But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Winter Haunts

By ANNA WESTWIG (Inspired by “Stopping in the Woods on a Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost)

The Letters

By ABIGAIL LEONARD

I do not know whose woods these are.

They must belong to shades of stars, their fires concealed behind the skies: a bruise and made by branches scar.

Unsent messages, Notes on a paper, Many unsaid words saved for later.

Crammed in a drawer, Or crumbled on the floor.

The pond is soft and full of lies and lovely bright, with snow it sighs.

It makes no mirror of my brow; too thin my pallor, dark my eyes.

They contained secrets, They held lyrics to songs All signed with “I love you”s Though none saw it through.

The frost and wind set on a row and send to heave an icy bow.

I feel a ghost now haunts my earth of sullen fields and rusted plow.

Only the poet knows, How everyone goes, And whom it’s for The lover who has gone out the door.

This snow is mine and yet it hurts.

To Winters born, before my birth.

I must drift on and haunt my earth.

I must drift on and haunt my earth.

The poet still writes, In the late hours of the night, In the hope that they Will fly far away.

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LITERARY

The Interrogation

By LOUISA MILLER-OUT It’s a sunny day, bright and brisk. The air tastes like winter, and trees are shedding their exhausted leaves left and right. The impatient little flowers that shot up prematurely are now buried in icy regret. The wind bites at my nose and cheeks, but my mint green stainless steel coffee cup is warm in my hand as I punch in the code to my office. On my way in, I’m greeted by my assistant Diesel, who is wringing his hands fervently.

“We have quite a case for you this morning,” he says, handing me a manila folder which looked like it was one paper away from bursting, a single rose gold binder clip straining to hold its two sides together.

I power-walk over to my desk and eagerly crack open the file, but I’m immediately paralyzed by what I see. Waves of visceral fear and disgust sweep through my body, and for a moment, it feels like I’m having a nightmare while I’m wide awake. My knees buckle, but I catch myself and the feeling passes. Diesel rushes over.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” I manage. Really, I’m shaken to my core. Not so much at the contents of that folder as the sheer magnitude of my reaction. I’m an interrogator, for God’s sake! I’m not supposed to waver, bend or break, even when emotions are flooding my nerves. For the first time in years, I feel like I might not be entirely in control. That terrifies me, but I force those troubling thoughts out of my head for the present moment and focus on reading the file. As I rifle through the pages, sentences jump out at me.

“We constantly felt like we were being watched” “They couldn’t escape from him” “He ruined their childhoods” The headlines say it all. This guy is definitely sick, and persistent. He’s been charged with over a hundred accounts of home invasion, spying, and overall creepy behavior, especially around children. I take a deep breath and march down the hall to the room where he’s being held. I enter the chamber and sit down across from him, both of us illuminated by harsh fluorescent light. He’s squinting at me through grimy glasses, perched upon a bulbous nose covered in rosacea. He scratches his beard, then rests his arms on his rotund belly. I almost can’t bear to look at him after what he’s done, don’t want to afford him a shred of human decency.

I pull through and begin my questioning.

“So did you do it?”

“Yes, and I don’t regret a thing. I just loved watching those children around the clock, without them knowing. I had eyes everywhere and I saw everything. Then I broke into their homes and I just loved seeing the look on their little faces when they found out. Observing those sweet little kids and sneaking into their houses, that’s what I live for.”

He paused to leer at me.

“And I’d keep on doing it if you hadn’t locked me up here. You got kids, lady?”

“I’d rather die than let you anywhere near them,” I seethed.

“Too bad. I would have gotten them too.”

I’m disgusted with this predator. I don’t want to look him in the eye, but I know I have to finish this interrogation so he can be locked away.

I have to make sure he’ll never traumatize another child again. I take a deep breath and regain my composure.

“You’re going to prison, Santa Claus.”

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Untitled

By ANIA PILLARDY Everything you need to know if you find yourself speaking in tongues you do not recognize: 1. Do not panic, this is most likely because the bees have gone to rest for the winter.

Something most people will not tell you is that the bees keep the tongues at bay. Without any active bees, you may find yourself connecting to the unknown creatures and spectres of the world, channeling their words through yourself. This is not something to worry about!

Unless it is not winter and there are plenty of bees flitting and flying, in which case, skip on to tip number ten.

2. Do not try to look for the bees in their hives— they are not there. They will have traveled to another realm for a rest, somewhere warm. If you do look in their hives you will find nothing but lost time.

3. There is no common or readily available substitute for bees. Do not believe the ads you see in magazines, they are placed there by imposters.

4. Do not be afraid of moths, they are your friends and will try their best to help you until the bees get back. Remember, they mean well.

5. Avoid carbonated drinks, they scare them.

Rightly so.

6. Get some fresh air or drink some water—there is a possibility that you’re just dehydrated. It happens to the best of us.

7. Avoid flowering plants—they don’t like pollen.

8. Try taking a fifty-two minute walk—no longer and no shorter—if the tongues pursue you after your walk, skip to tip ten.

9. Do not be afraid of memories that are not your own—they won’t be there for long.

10. If all else fails, take a nap or drink some coffee—you’re probably just tired.

LITERARY

December Haiku Contest 1st

Haiku

2nd

A Hai-Cow

By MAXWELL ELLER

By CHARLOTTE HOEKENGA, MAYA BLANCHARD

—structure in cycles, Repetition, ocean waves.

A feature of my—

I said “hi there, cow” Cow said “moo moo moo, moo moo” I can’t talk to cow

Haiku

By MAYA BLANCHARD To write a haiku A pretty hard thing to do You can try it, though Five in the first line Seven in the second line Five in the third line That is how it’s done If you don’t understand it Go back to school, fool

Celtic Tragedy

By EVELYN SCHREINER Celts worshipped nature Romans enjoyed invading Gone was Boudicca

Haiku

Upstate

By COLIN HAMILTON

By RYAN CUNNINGHAM

There are three lines here Illuminati confirmed You never saw this

Bruh it is so cold Ithaca is a freezer Get me outta here!

Writing Prompts 1.

Write about the creation of a new constellation.

2. Every winter, a family leaves on vacation, but not to anywhere on Earth.

3. Translate an “untranslatable word” from another language (e.g. тоска).

4. Persephone’s favorite brand of chapstick is Burt’s Bees Pomegranate.

5. The sun gets lost on its way back home.

6. You find your own body floating in the river.

7.

Write something where each successive sentence starts with the next letter of the alphabet.

8. Open the dictionary to a random page and choose a word with your eyes closed; that word is in the first and last sentence of your piece.

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LITERARY

Winner of Last Month’s Caption Contest:

February Caption Contest Each month, The Tattler provides a cartoon in need of a caption.

If you would like to submit a caption, check your school email for the February 2020 Caption Contest Google survey. The winning caption will appear in the February issue.

“Erase me from existence already.”

Thank you for all 51 participants for responding.

December Sudoku 3

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30 DECEMBER 2019

November Solution

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PENULTIMATE

Surrealio

By Ethan Carlson

DECEMBER 2019

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The Coolness Spectrum Cool Writing for the Literary Issue

What Will Your New Year’s Resolution Be?

Snow

“Ok boomer”

By Ethan Carlson

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21): To be a better person (on the inside).

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19):

Cancer (June 21 - Jul 22):

To learn a new language, and then forget every single word two years later.

Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22):

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18):

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22):

To let go of some weight, because these stupid dumbbells are so heavy.

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20):

To exercise more, and then give up in three weeks.

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19):

To floss, and then instantly regret it.

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20):

To give up coffee, and then pass out within the first week.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20):

My resolution is to NOT make a resolution. Oh, wait. . .

Highland cattle

To read more books (that I forgot to read for homework).

to becoome a beter speeler.

To read more political news articles, and then instantly regret it.

Disney+

E-boys

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22):

To sleep more (good luck with that).

Winter homework

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21):

The SAME one as last year! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that! And the year before that!

Look, I’ll get it done someday, alright?

Six months of snow

Playing Christmas music before December

Uncool