January 2012

page 6: Acoustifest

SPORTS

page 10: Palio

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

# IHSproblems

page 14: Women Wrestlin’

page 8

January 17, 2012 • Estd. 1892 • Vol. 120 • No.4• Published Monthly • www.ihstattler.com • Ithaca High School, 1401 N. Cayuga St., Ithaca, NY, 14850 • FREE

Code Red LAN Party Brings IHS Gamers Together

Administration Mandate Sparks Winter Formal Changes

PHOTO/DAVID LIM

By INGRID SYDENSTRICKER

IHS gamers, Paddy Nopany ‘12, Wes Fenney ‘12, and Shishir Nair ‘12, compete at Code Red’s LAN Party in December.

IPD AND IHS PARTNER FOR DRUG SEARCH

Results Help Administrators Fight Drug Use

By MANSI VOHRA

In the wake of a series of drug and alcohol reports, IHS recently conducted a drug search in conjunction with the Ithaca Police Deptartment, while completing the second lock-down drill this school year as part of New York State’s safe school legislation.

“It’s our obligation to have students in a safe and healthy learning environment,” Principal Powers said.

“We need to do everything we can to limit the access of drugs at school and educate the students.”

This year at IHS, twenty percent of al suspensions have been related to drugs. Already, there have been 9 drug-related suspensions and 2 alcohol suspensions.

Results have shown that the most common drugs used have been alcohol, chewing tobacco, marijuana, and prescription pills.

When the carried out the search, administrators learned not only how to lock up an entire cafeteria, but also how to control the drug problem invading IHS. “We wanted to make sure we were aware and informed in following up on rumors and different information that we were hearing,” stated Little.

Rumors involving threats associated to drugs, alcohol, and weapons were escalating to a point where administrators had to take “drastic measures” in bringing in dogs from the IPD to search the school.

As they are school property, lockers were sniffed by dogs in order to detect any smell of drugs. If a dog scratched on a locker, other dogs would be brought over to confirm if drugs were present.The school could then open the locker, seize the drugs, and contact the person who possessed the locker or backpack.

The next step would be five days of suspension and

a superintendent hearing. A “restorative learning process” would follow suit depending upon how serious the offense and the type of drug violation that was involved. The four different types of drug related violations include using, possessing, distributing or selling drugs.

Depending upon the case, medical care and/or a number of days of suspension would result from the hearing. The student could either be relocated to another facility for additional help or receive medical care at the high school.

“It’s created an awareness in our community that we are very passionate about our students and our school success,” stated Little.

“Whatever interferes with that, we’re going to do whatever we can to remove those barriers.”

In removing such barriers, Powers and other administrators believe there are three main solutions.

The first and foremost solution is to enforce the code of conduct: students should adhere to the violations and policies that are listed under drug and alcohol use.

Education at home is also key in solving the problem in order to make families more aware and comfortable in discussing such matters with students. Additionally, students should be aware themselves: Powers plans to inform and increase awareness as to how serious the problem is.

“We have to heighten our awareness,” stated Powers. “I’m not content seeing kids coming to school under the influence.”

Other solutions proposed include identifying help, enforcing prevention, and deterring other violations.

“We have the plays, and concerts, and Nobel Prize winning speakers,” stated Powers. “And when you see drugs present in the building, it attacks that.”

The IHS Winter Formal will experience several changes this year due to new administration mandates. In addition to the dance being rescheduled for March, Principal Powers mandated that there be a live band and not a DJ, that dinner be served, and that there be dress code changes, such as requiring girls to wear dresses of knee length or longer.

“It will not be a dark primordial stew of flesh,” Powers said. “The administration at this high school will not authorize this dance and will not attend if changes are not made.”

Concerns over grinding, an overtly sexual dance, and inappropriate attire stirred the changes.

“Guys, why are you treating women like that?” Powers said. “Girls, why do you let men do that to you? I would slap someone across the face if they tried to do that to me.”

Other school districts in the area have also implemented such changes. After many attempts at change, Skaneateles High School even canceled their annual Snow Ball.

The senior class, who sponsors Winter Formal, has begun planning the event.

“We’ve been hit by this change, but we’re going to make the best of it,” said Brock Gibian, senior class vice-president.

The dance will start at 6pm with a social period until dinner is served at 6.45pm. The dinner will consist of two meats, two starches, a vegetable, and salad rolls. From 8 to 10pm, The Sim Redmond Band, a local roots-rock band, will perform. The event will most likely be held at and be catered by Lake Watch Inn in Lansing. Tickets, which include dinner, will cost around $40.

“It’s costing us almost $30 per person,” said Karl Mellander, senior class adviser. “Even then, we’re still well below costs for comparable events at other districts.”

Up to 350 tickets will be available, significantly lower than in previous years, where Winter Formal has attracted 500 to 800 students.

Winter formal is the largest fundraiser for graduation and concerns have been raised about whether the event will bring in enough money.

“We’re definitely not going to make as much money,” said Gibian.

Concerns over student response to the changes and dance attendance have also been made. The senior class is hoping to attract a different crowd, as currently, many students don’t attend the dances because they dislike the style of dance, music, etc.

“As class officers, we’re excited for this event,” stated Nora Abramov, senior class president. “We want people to be open to the changes.”

“This event is going to be outrageous and memorable,” Gibian said. “If you want to be negative, you’re only hurting the school.”

The final event date and other details will be decided within the coming weeks.

“Having tried many other things, we decided to try something completely new,” said Matthew Holl, senior

January 17, 2012

January Regents Saved For Now

By MIKE HALL

The elimination of the January Regents was set to cause a huge concern among educators, administrators, and approximately 300,000 students within NYS. However, thanks to the generous contributions made by New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg and some of his friends, totaling $2.5 million, it appears that, at least for this year, the January Regents Exam is safe.

The January, June, and August Regents Exams, which are written and administered by the New York State Department of Education, cost $18.1 million for the 2010-2011 school year, up from $17.6 million the previous year.

The State decided that in order to close the gap between the amount of money the Regents Board needed to sustain its programs and the funds available, reductions to the Regents program would have to be made. In an effort to cut costs, the Regents Subcommittee on State Aid was formed, and tasked with cutting costs in accordance with

new state regulations. In June 2010, the first of the Committee’s proposals was reviewed and enacted by the Regents Board.

These measures included a discontinuation of paper-based scoring material, a review of test development processes to reduce reliance on education specialists, the elimination of retesting in math and English Language Arts Exam (ELA), and the elimination of Grade Five and Eight Social Studies testing.These four measures supplied the Regents Board with an estimated $4.25 million dollars in savings.

A second proposal was also made to the Regents Board which included an additional $5.8 million in savings. This proposal called for elimination of Grade 8 Second Language English Proficiency Exams, the August Algebra II and Chemistry exams, the elimination of all Foreign Language Regents Exams (with the exception of Spanish, French and Italian), the discontinuation of translating Regents Exams into foreign languages (with the exception of Spanish), and, finally, the elimination of the January Regents Exams.

Local News Briefs Cornell to Construct Major Project After Winning Competition Having received approval from the Bloomberg administration, Cornell University is to partner with the Technion-Israel Institute of Technology to construct a high-tech science college on Roosevelt Island in New York City.

The university plans to construct 2 million square feet worth of applied sciences facilities for 2,500 graduate students in addition to 280 faculty members.

Roosevelt Island, the proposed site, has an area of over 2 square miles and lies east of Manhattan.

The project is said to be completed by 2043, however, Cornell President David Skorton plans to have classes running later this year, with the first part of the campus completed by 2017.

The project is said to cost approximately $2 billion, however, the university has recently received a generous $350 million from Atlantic Philanthropies, of which Charles Feeney, Cornell class of ‘56, is in charge.

It is the largest donation in Cornell’s history.

Additionally, the city has provided $100 million in infrastructure improvements for the site and for construction fees.

President Skorton and the Bloomberg administration believe this project will not only be key in improving Cornell’s ranking among the technology empires of Stanford and MIT, but also in further expanding the number of entrepreneurs, innovators, and scientists throughout the country.

IPEI Awards a Cumulative $65,000 This Quarter Among Teacher, Red & Gold, and Community and Collaboration grants, Ithaca Public Education Initiative (IPEI) generously awarded staff, students, and various other community members in the district a total of $65,000 in their 2011-12 Fall Cycle Grants.

Thirty-one teachers striving to incorporate various projects into their curriculum were approved for IPEI’s $1,500 grants.

In total, IPEI spent $40,000 on Teacher Grants this past year.

Some projects include: “Bringing Latin Dance to IHS” by Jodi Maddren, “Earth Arts, Primitive Pursuits” by Joe Greenberg at LACS, “Eat, Cook, Share” by Kathleen Downes at Caroline, “Ellis Island Immigration Experience” at DeWitt by Andrea Volckmar, and “Trout in the Classroom” by Jennifer Emerson at Fall Creek.

Clubs at IHS, such as the Science Olympiad Club and Code Red Robotics, each received up to $500 after applying for Red & Gold Grants.

IPEI spent $14,350 on 35 Red & Gold Grants throughout the district.

Additionally, $8,000 was allocated for Community and Collaboration Grants distributed among organizations such as the Hanger Theatre and Finger Lakes Independence Center.

The deadlines for applying for IPEI’s grants each year are Oct. 24, Dec. 6, March 5, and May 7.

Early Decision Disappoints and Excites This past year, 86 students applied early to college out of the total senior class of around 350 students.

As in many years past, as many as 33 students applied to nearby Cornell University, and a total of 11 were accepted; a 33% acceptance rate from IHS, decreased from the past average of 54%.

Overall, Cornell saw a total of 3,609 early applicants; a 3.74% increase from last year’s 3,479.

Among Cornell, the most common schools applied to were Ithaca College, RIT, and SUNY Buffalo.

With ED results out of the way, Seniors recently filled out Regular Decision applications and turned them in on January 1st — now waiting in eager anticipation for the results in April.

The January Regents is safe for the time being; however, some administrators and teachers are looking past this next exam date and into the future.

Samantha Little, an IHS Associate Principal, wants to make sure that Ithaca comes down in favour of the continued administration of the January Exams “It’s our responsibility as a school and as a community to advocate for [the continued administration of the January exam].”

Little worries that if the number of times that students are able to take the Regents decreases, it will not be conducive to “creating a level playing field for all kids to achieve their dreams.”

Educators emphasize the need for multiple opportunities for students to take the tests, which affect one’s ability to graduate from high school.

“If we don’t have [the January Regents Exam], it really limits students’ options, and it also says, in my mind, that we place a high level of importance [on the exam] but we don’t give students ample opportunities to do well.”

ICSD Targets Improvement in Education for Students with Disabilities

By MANSI VOHRA

Over the course of the last two years, ICSD has fallen short of reaching Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) in ELA Math & English for students with disabilities (SWD).

As a result, IHS has been recently deemed as “a school in need of improvement” (SINI) for these students, mainly due to significantly low test scores and slow progress.

Last year, approximately 40% of all students with disabilities within LACS and IHS graduated.

District Director for SWD Sheila McEnery said that the root cause of the problem lies in the fact that students have different educational backgrounds, which can affect their critical perception of the curriculum.

“We have students entering the high school who are not reading, writing, or doing math at proficiency levels,” said McEnery.

Additionally, administrators within the district have found that the Curriculum and Instruction for Students has been inefficient in aligning standards, instruction, and achievement for students with disabilities.

Currently, Dr. Brown and his administrative team plan to carve a solution by aligning students’ curriculum with Common Core Standards, and in the process identifying the successes and failures of the system.

At a recent BoE meeting, Brown stated, “It will take all of us in the room working together with the data, families with benchmarks, teachers, and the administrative team to be successful.”

Brown hopes to have a finalized plan in roughly two months, in which he’ll address the problem of “disproportional classification” of SWD. Although classification involves a thorough step-by-step process involving parents, students, and administrators in the district, Brown and his team are striving for accuracy within the data.

By carefully analyzing the data, they’ve found that Everyday Math, a district-wide General Education program for students K-5, has been challenging for students who need additional assistance from support professionals.

“It’s a spiraling curriculum and it’s a struggle for students with disabilities,” said McEnery. “In order for it to be as responsive as it needs to be, it needs to be differentiated.”

Although SWD progress has decreased over the years, the amount of classifications made haven’t risen, but in fact steadily dropped.

Currently, 818 students within the district are classified as students with disabilities, of which 94% are male, Hispanic, and entitled to a free/ reduced lunch.

Additionally, results show that of the 13 total classifications within NYS, the top classification of SWD in the district is learning.

Learning disabilities encompass over 50% of students currently classified.

Speech disabilities are also frequently seen in slightly less than half of SWD. In analyzing these results, McEnery explained that in order to find out why these statistics are arising, “we have to dig deeper into the data.”

Goals for the future include students receiving an AYP diploma, passing a Regents exam on the first try, being integrated into general education, and using technology as a visual aid.

Within IHS itself, approximately 23 SWD support professionals are working 6+ hours a day to help inform, instruct, and aid these students in their high school experience.

Chris Rugg, Dept. Chair for SWD at IHS, said that, “[we’re] helping kids know how many credits they have and how many they need in order to graduate.”

January 17, 2012

Editorial:

water bottles are for water not alcohol Imagine this. You’re in chemistry class, the bell has just rung, and everyone is making their way to their seats. On top of one lab bench is a water bottle filled with a clear liquid. The teacher makes her way over, takes a sniff, and recognizes the familiar biting odor: alcohol.

The number of students bringing drugs like alcohol onto campus has been significantly increasing. This problem is deemed so critical by the administration that on December 15, the usual brief lockdown drill turned into an hour long popdrug search.

In addition to these searches, students can expect more rules and fuss if the drug problem persists. Principal Powers has made himself clear through his letter home that his administration is dedicated to enforcing the drug laws and keeping students safe.

Such means possibly include the restriction or outright ban of water bottles in school. If some measures were in place to check the water bottle’s contents, students theoretically wouldn’t be able to smuggle alcoholic beverages into school without arous-

ing suspicion.

While this plan would be effective, it would prove a great hassle to both students and staff. Students accustomed to bringing water bottles filled with water to school would find themselves lumped in the same barrel as the few rotten apples who started the entire mess. Teachers and staff don’t want to waste their class time time checking the contents of every student’s water bottle. And simply put: checking everyone is ridiculous.

This is high school, not rehab.

To avoid these punitive rules and increased hassle, students must stop bringing alcohol and other drugs to school. These additional rules are only a response to the growing tide of illegal drug possession in school, so if the possession ends, so do the additional rules.

But when you stagger into Algebra II with your Nalgene full of vodka, you’re not only causing teachers to question what’s in your Nalgene, but also what’s in my Nalgene. So for the good of the entire school: don’t bring booze and other drugs to school.

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A social area of one’s own IHS is desperately in need of social spaces. The two that we have, Activities and H-Courtyard, are closed sporadically, and even when they are open, they are barely habitable.

H-Courtyard, despite being only for seniors, completely lacks electricity: there is not one plug in the whole room.

This forces students who wish to plug in, whether to charge a cell phone or to power up their laptop, to sit under the stairs.

Not only is the lack of electricity particularly bothersome, but H-Courtyard only has rickety tables and chairs.There are no couches or comfy chairs for students to sit in and chat, and the Courtyard’s location in the middle of an academic building — completely devoid of a fourth wall — means that Seniors are expected to stay quiet in a space purported to be for their enjoyment.

The other current social space at IHS is also restricted: it’s only for upperclassmen. Activities, which is located completely off the beaten path, is also in a state of disrepair. Now that the administration removed the dilapidated, stained and germ-infested couches and chairs, Activities remains populated with only a few tables – which are rather rickety – and some chairs.

For many administrators and employees at IHS, giving a place for students to relax, recline, and unwind is on the bottom of the “to do” list. However, giving students a true social space – filled with as many squishy armchairs as the Gryffindor common room – might solve some higher priorities of the administration.

One of principal Powers’s new vendettas is against students walking around in the hallways during class. One of the

biggest reasons students roam is out of boredom because they have no other place to go. Sitting in the cafeteria day after day after lunch has finished, or going and socializing in the library just doesn’t cut it for many students.

Not only this, but as students, we really need a place to recline. Our workloads are often unbearable and we have to sit through class after class. It might sound far-fetched, but if students had a place to go and relax with their friends, it might cure some of the boredom and cause students to pay a bit more attention in their classes.

Now the spaces that are being used as social spaces are either uninhabitable (as is the case of Activities) or designed for another purpose entirely (as is the case of the library).

Recently, students wishing to complete their homework are met with a closed sign when trying to get into the library. This is because the library’s cozy chairs and tables attract students wishing to socialize with their friends.

“To take a little pressure out of the library,” says Head Librarian Nan Bell, “I would like to see the other spaces open, supervised and welcoming. It would help the study atmosphere in here a lot.”

If the administration was willing to create a space for students, the library would be used for its intended purpose.

Social experiences are as much a part of a student’s education as core academic classes. Many of the most intellectual and entertaining conversations (whether about history, politics, or English) occur in a social setting. Providing students with an outlet for these discussions (and possibly naps) will, in-

variably, help students to, “achieve their dreams.”

Surely opponents of this plan will cite two major reasons why this cannot, or should not, be done.

The first will, inevitably, be that fact that students seem so irresponsible and incapable of cleaning up after themselves, that any space that was created would be trashed in a matter of weeks.

Maybe these irresponsible tendencies are characteristic of some students, but many students would truly appreciate the new space that was created for them enough to pick up their lunch trays after they are done with their meals and not leave their wrappers strewn about.

The second reason to oppose such measures is a fiscal one. IHS doesn’t have as much money as it used to; the principal’s budget for discretionary spending has been cut from $18,782 to $3,000. A new space for students would not only require amenities like furniture, but also supervision.

The administration already contends that Safeties are spread thin and wouldn’t be able to undertake any new duties. This may be true, but with less students roaming, uproariously, through the hallways, it seems that some emphasis could be taken off of hall duty. And a combination of teachers, administrators and Safeties would be free to supervise this new social space for the eight-period school day.

A new social space – even a revamping of Activities to include some wooden tables, comfortable chairs, couches, carpeting and maybe a mural on the wall – would help students relax and would take pressure off the already crowded library. We deserve a decent social area.

Editor’s Note: All editorials published in The Tattler are not anonymous and represent the views of the sixteen students on the editorial staff. Editorials are written about topics The Tattler staff deems important. Such issues may be global or specific to IHS.

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The Tattler is the studentrun newspaper of Ithaca High School. The Tattler was founded in 1892, and is published monthly.

As an open forum, The Tattler invites submissions of opinion pieces and letters to the editor from all members of the community. Drop off submissions in H134, or e-mail them to editor@ ihstattler.com.

Letters can be mailed to The IHS Tattler 1401 N. Cayuga St. Ithaca, NY 14850 We reserve the right to edit all submissions.

These submissions do not necessarily reflect the views of The Tattler editorial staff.

January 17, 2012

New Roots Charter School: Living the Dream

By ZOE FASSETT-MANUSZEWSKI

When I was an 8th grader, the lack of freedom and appreciation for learning at my middle school left me feeling numb, colorless and not empowered to engage in my educational process. However, I had already imagined my bleak future at the district high school. A school with a commitment to sustainability and social justice seemed like a distant dream.

But I took the plunge and enrolled at New Roots Charter School. At New Roots, I found that my education dreams could be reality. At times, New Roots fell short of my expectations, but at others it shot so far above them I was left breathless. Living in Binghamton, I commute two hours daily on the Shortline bus to New Roots. I leave home before the sun rises and return after dark. Despite the sacrifices, not once have I regretted my decision. I wake up at 5 a.m. every Monday looking forward to the week ahead.

Everything I have done at New Roots has prepared me to make an active contribution to society. I have surveyed and catalogued a forest plot, attended the Power Shift Energy Summit, taught a creative writing workshop, taken courses at SU and TC3, presented at the Youth Farm Summit at Cornell University, interned in the Green Star Oasis bakery, and much more.

My classmates have their own accomplishments: internships in the office of mayor-elect Svante Myrick, sustainable fabric arts classes at SewGreen, performances at the State Theater, and art shows around town.

The first senior class will graduate from New Roots this year and already two students have been admitted to their first-choice colleges: Dax Simitch-

Warke will attend Allegheny College with a $60,000 scholarship and I will be going to the College of the Atlantic. Our first graduating class is tackling a variety of community problems for our Senior Capstone projects, including community-police relations, a college scholarship fund, and sustainable school transportation. As part of our Participation in Government course called “Inventing the Future,” offered for credit through Syracuse University (SU), students are allowed to contribute to our community in a very real way.

The teachers and staff help us explore our creative capacity and encourage us to develop our own projects. Students from Ithaca and over 18 regional districts have come to New Roots because they were seeking something more: more intellectual engagement, more relevance, more time with teachers, more project-based classes, more internship opportunities, and a more accepting social environment. New Roots is a haven for the outliers on the bell curve: diverse personalities, interests and viewpoints abound. Many have come seeking refuge from bullying or discrimination, and they have found it. We celebrate uniqueness, explore differences, and express eccentricities that we may not have elsewhere.

More than a school, New Roots is a community, a great big family where we all feel we belong. New Roots gives exceptional students a place where they become the majority, where their diverse needs and interests define the school.

The spirit of New Roots could never be written in stone but rather in sand, because it is constantly transforming and realigning to the changing needs of the student body. The students are inseparable from the whole: we are the school.

Letters to the Editor: To the Editor:

PHOTO/EMMA PRESTON

It was just a few days ago that I witnessed a bottom locker tragedy. It was clear that this student was in a hurry to get to his locker, switch his binders and get to class without being late. Is that too much to ask?

He flopped his backpack right beside himself while he knelt down to twist the combination lock. Right as he reached to grab the last notebook out of his bag, a group of rambunctious kids walked by kicking his backpack about four feet down the hall. With a sigh, the student quickly walked to retrieve his backpack and other items that had fallen out. Stuffing his bag with all the binders that he needed, the boy stood up, slammed his locker, and just as he was about to start walking to class the bell rang.

If this boy hadn’t had his backpack kicked around, better yet, not had a bottom locker all together, he probably would have been to class on time.

Moral of the story: be kind to the less fortunate who have been subjected to the world of bottom lockers.

Haley Sammis ‘12

An IHS student stoops to open his bottom locker.

To the editor: I am a language teacher at IHS. After finishing another set of tests wherein students translated sentences into Spanish, I began to think about the evolution (or de-evolution) of language in general over the past 50 years. I have always been dismayed at how little students know about their own language, evidenced by their inability to discern an adverb from a preposition, let alone an infinitive phrase from a subordinate clause. Naturally, I teach those things before expecting students to recognize them in another language, but we all know that any information not reinforced constantly is, in essence, lost in space.

So, fast forward to the 21st century: we have computers, iPhones, iPads, Facebook, Twitter . . . items that place us light years beyond what was available when I began to teach. All good, of course, but at what expense? Peruse a Facebook page for evidence of a language in rapid decline. Punctuation? Spelling?

Complete sentences? Standard abbreviations? It’s an abomination that many students, devoid of any language skills, even consider paying someone to write a college entrance essay these days.

The comedienne in me says that in another 50 years we will have “evolved” to no more than technologically advanced Neanderthals. [A few grunts texted in rapid fire on a much smaller keyboard (why would one need all those extra letters?) with symbols or pictures (remember the cave dwellers?) to accompany the communiqué.] Don’t get me wrong, I love the advantages of technology, but I, the revolutionary that I am, still respect the purity of a well-turned phrase, one created from scratch with a firm understanding of syntax. I will continue to expect that from my students.

Sincerely, Lana R. Craig IHS Spanish Teacher

To the Editor:

When I use the bathroom, I am beyond abhorred as to the state of each stall. There is toilet paper everywhere, feminine products are occasionally left on the floor of a stall, toilets are left un-flushed, etc. Neither myself nor the next person want to see fellow students’ remains in the toilet or on the floor. Now it’s also one thing to throw the toilet paper everywhere without care, but leaving food or paper towels in the sink is just pathetic. Do you treat your home like this? And trash belongs in the garbage can, right? Bathrooms are used by everybody, so they need to be cleaned by everybody. There is little to no respect of not only school property, but the health of others. I’m sick of having to walk all the way to the nurses’ office just because I can’t stand the sight of my own school’s restrooms.

On a final note “Respect your school, and it’ll respect you”.

Ryan Hawthorne ‘12 To the Editor: To the Girls at IHS: Please don’t flush the toilets. It’s a waste of water and who cares if there’s a little pee in the bowl before you sit down. Besides, pee is sterile, it’s not gonna

hurt you. You might cringe with disgust or roll your eyes at what sounds like “words of wisdom” from a dirty hippie, but bear with me. To gather some data, I stood awkwardly in a stall for half my free period counting the number of flushes I heard. I counted four. So let’s say there are eight flushes per period in each girl’s bathroom. When we multiply that number by the number of female restrooms at IHS, that’s a whole lot of wasted water.

Though even I agree a toilet never flushed would be a smelly mess and a burden on our wonderful janitors, what if we just flushed less often? Or consider the motto, “if it’s brown flush it down, if it’s yellow let it mellow”?

Amelia Kaufman ‘12 To the Editor: I have been complaining about the state of the girls’ bathrooms at IHS since the beginning of the school year. The toilets and sinks don’t work. Supplies are only occasionally available. The walls, sinks, dispensers, floors, and everything else in these bathrooms are in disrepair and are filthy. This is disrespectful to our students and a public health problem.

I am ready to call the Health Department.

Barbara Apt, IHS Faculty

January 17, 2012

PHOTO/EMMA PRESTON

thoughts on the H-Courtyard lockdown

H-Courtyard, a senior-only social area, was closed in December after complaints of students trashing the space. HCourtyard has since re-opened, though food is no longer allowed.

By GREG CHU

While entering H-Courtyard near the end of November, seniors were faced with a peculiar sight. Tables were folded and pushed back to back against the far wall, the chairs had disappeared, and empty space dominated the atmosphere. This lockout was the end result of the administration’s frustration with Seniors leaving H-Courtyard in a high state of entropy.

According to the Class of 2012 officers, this lockout would only end if some seniors volunteered to be “peer supervisors.” These seniors would be given the responsibility of ensuring that by the end of each period H-Courtyard remained devoid of litter and mess. Faced with this impasse, H-Courtyard was eventually re-opened.

Looking back, the lockout was a bad idea: the lockout did not even address the underlying problem of seniors littering in H. Instead, all seniors were automatically banned from setting foot in there. This lockout was just a punitive effort aimed at the senior class from a frustrated administration, just as frustrated parents may ground their kid. Such punitive measures are ineffective, as they isolate the two parties when what is needed is dialogue. Fortunately, this distraction was eliminated when H-courtyard was re-opened, but in its place arrived new regulations, the most important being the prohibition of food and drink.

The new rules are certainly better than the lockout, but that’s not saying much.

Under the new system, students are prohibited from consuming any food or drink in H Courtyard, the idea being that if there’s no food, there’s no mess. However, this prohibition has morphed into a de facto lockout, as students could no longer do what was the principal activity H Courtyard: eating with friends. This prohibition forces seniors to eat in other places such as the cafeteria, essentially removing them from H. This applies, however, only to those students willing to follow the rules.

Furthermore, the broad extent of the rule’s implementation is vast. As all seniors

are banned from eating food and drink in H, it is implied that none of them can be trusted to clean up after themselves. This implication, however, is far from the truth. Not all seniors leave trash everywhere. By punishing all seniors the administration is in fact punishing many students who do take the time to clean up. As a result, students would see no need to clean up, as they would still get punished if someone else leaves a mess. This results in the creation of a system in which the undesired behavior is actually encouraged. This is contrary to the original intent of the lockout and the new rules: to make students clean up after themselves.

If the administration really wants to go down the path of punitive measures, then they should at least avoid these contradictions. This can be accomplished by giving students the chance to show their own responsibility and holding each individual accountable for their own actions. This means that food and drink would be allowed in H, but this privilege could be revoked for those who continuously litter. This incentivizes cleaning up, which is what the well intentioned but current ill-fated policies are trying to achieve.

However, the best method by far for encouraging good behavior such as cleaning up would be the use of positive incentives. Unlike negative incentives, positive incentives don’t need to be enforced directly on students 24/7, so the staff would not have to dedicate their time and resources to the incentive.

One example of a positive incentive would be the redecorating of H-Courtyard.

This idea was brought up by Mr. Powers one day when he told a group of seniors that H may be redecorated if all seniors left it in good condition. Positive incentives like this can better lead to the desired outcome painlessly and more efficiently.

No one would be punishing anyone else, and the desired outcome would be attained. However the administration decides to approach this issue in the future, we strongly urge them to enact a policy that encourages students to be responsible and clean up after themselves, as opposed to one which is designed to punish all students.

Acoustifest: More like Acousti-best!

By VIKTOR LILLARD

PHOTOS/MADDIE BROWN

On the night of Friday, December 9, several assorted groups of musically endowed high school students got together at the Women’s Community Center to display their talents at a somewhat informal musical event called “Acoustifest.” Auditions were not held, and all musicians who asked beforehand got a chance to play a short acoustic set, including my own band, “Starts on Friday.”

As we entered the building on that Friday night, we were greeted by a warm, cheerful atmosphere. Small groups of friends sat together with guitars or other acoustic instruments, rehearsing their acts. Several rows of black folding chairs on either side of a wide aisle faced a small stage holding a few microphones and a small drum kit with a piano off to the left. A line of Christmas lights precariously framed the stage to add to the pleasant mood of the room. Performers made quick arrangements and rushed in a few last-minute practices before family and friends started filtering into the room as the first band took their place on stage. My bandmates and I hung out and listened to a couple other performers before having our turn on stage. Most of the other performers had prepared covers, but a few assorted musicians, including us, had original music to play. After performing our three-song set, we continued hanging out and having a great time. For the rest of the night, we saw many unique and creative musical groups (shoutout to “Origin Brass” for being the most unique group there!) show off their talent onstage. We saw many of our good friends play, and also met several new friends. If you weren’t at the event this year, I highly recommend going next year.

Acoustifest offers a great opportunity to hang out, meet new people, and to play and hear great music.

Student groups perfom live at Acoustifest.

Above: Starts on Friday. Below: Rachel Pollak ‘12, Jenna Ledet ‘12 and Lily Armstrong-Davies ‘12.

IHS Band Concert Rocks

By SIENA SCHICKEL

On a bitterly cold Sunday night, families and friends ventured out to see the IHS Concert Band perform at Kulp Auditorium on the 18th. However, the program that afternoon didn’t include the full band until after a short intermission. Before the concert even began, early birds enjoyed a performance from a trombone quintet.

The first on stage was the Percussion Ensemble, playing the song “Rainforest Journey.” The song goes from a mysterious stage to a rock beat with different players simulating a drum set, and incorporates instruments like the congas, claves, and a variety of mallet instruments.

The concert then proceeded to bring flute player Kengo Onishi ‘12 and clarinetist Gabe Nussbaum ‘12 on stage with a three movement piece called “Petite Suite for Flute, Clarinet in A, and piano” by Claude Debussy, edited by Michael Webster.

Just by looking at the music for it, one can tell that it’s a complex piece, and Onishi and Nussbaum played each note with musical expertise.

The next song was “The Swiss Shepherd” by Pietro Morlacchi, played by Eleanor Bayles ‘13 on flute, accompanied by pianist Mary Ann Erickson. The difficulty of this piece was a fair match with the previous one, starting off with a collection of fast-paced notes and going into a simple melody, then back to the array of pitches again, almost giving a kinesthetic feeling of being in a Swiss field.

After the intermission, the stage was suddenly filled with chairs and stands, and the IHS Concert Band started filling the

seats, taking a minute to adjust their position and tune their instruments one last time before playing. The song “’The GumSuckers’ March” by Percy Aldridge Grainger and edited by R. Mark Rogers was a light and playful tune that featured every part of the band in some way.

This was followed by “Dusk” by Steven Bryant. “Dusk” is a piece commissioned by the Langley High School Wind Symphony. The piece has a definite ebb and flow to it that can be seen in its volume as it grows to a peak in the middle of the song, then fades away for the final note. The composer noted about his piece that, “This simple, chorale-like work captures the reflective calm of dusk, paradoxically illuminated by the fiery hues of sunset... ‘Dusk’ is intended as a short, passionate evocation of this moment of dramatic stillness.”

The band then played a much older four-movement piece, “Second Suite in F for Military Band” by Gustav Holst. The IHS Concert Band played a piece composed by Holst last year.

A main characteristic of this song was its fast-paced energy, with the exception of the second movement, “Song without Words ‘I’ll love my love.’”

In the holiday spirit, the concert concluded with the song “Sleigh Ride” by Leroy Anderson, conducted by student teacher Dana Arbough, who is a senior at Ithaca College. This jazzy version of the holiday classic sent the audience off in a Christmas mood, and the reception afterwards filled everyone with brownies and sugar cookies covered in red and green frosting.

There was a lot of positive feedback shared in Kulp’s lounge afterwards. “[This concert] raised my respect for the IHS band tenfold!” student Pooja Verma ‘13 commented.

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January 17, 2012

IHS

Orchestra Shines

By SIENA SCHICKEL

On the night of Wednesday, December 14, 2011, the IHS Orchestra played their first concert of the school year, performing pieces ranging from concertos to operas. A crowd of proud parents and other Ithacans enjoyed an evening of free and beautiful music.

The level of difficulty in the songs the orchestra played was a testimony to their skill as individual performers in a legendary group. After all, the IHS orchestra is one of the oldest existing high school orchestras in the country, founded in 1904, five years after the first one was formed in Richmond, IN. The first song of the concert, “Concerto Grosso Op.6 No.1,” composed by George Frideric Handel, featured soloists Anying Li ‘12, Yijiu Wang ‘12, Sophia Shi ‘15, and Esther Jeon ‘15 on violin, as well as David Fenwick ‘12 and Gregory Chu ‘12 on cello. The simple melody, featuring different parts of the orchestra, went back and forth from major to minor, reflecting the baroque era that Handel lived in. For less musically knowledgeable people, that means that the song ranged in moods, switching from light and happy to a darker tune during different parts of the song.

The second song, “Air for Strings,” written by Norman Dello Joio, was conducted

by Sam Verneuille, IHS Orchestra’s student teacher. Verneuille played bass throughout the rest of the concert. The song itself was much more recent than the last, and had a more modern sentiment.

Members of the orchestra filed offstage for a brief intermission, to enter again with members of the IHS Band as the complete IHS Symphony Orchestra. This new group played the songs “Overture” by Gioachino Rossini (arrangement by M. Isaac) from Barber of Seville and “Bacchanale”

by Camille Saint-Saëns from Samson and Delilah, both of them operas. The excitement of the concert only increased from this point on with added flutes, oboes, clarinets, bassoons, horns, trumpets, trombones, tubas, and percussion, as well as a piccolo and an English horn.

By the end of the concert, the audience walked away with complimentary remarks, impressed at how the IHS Orchestra can keep a legendary program operating successfully. Bassoonist Joon Park ‘13 commented, “I think the orchestra did a fine job. Even though it’s my third year in the orchestra, the skills of the individuals that make up the orchestra amaze me each concert.”

A&

50,000 Words in 30 Days: Can You Do It?

By PETER ALEXANDER

When I tell people that I’ve been writing a novel, the inevitable response is, “What is it about?” This is an embarrassing question, somewhat akin to“What is your routine in the shower?” I know, I know, you’re just making small talk. Don’t worry, I dislike awkward silences just as much as you do. But I’m not sure if it’s possible to describe the “genrecolliding-fantasy-mystery-steampunk-adventure with Lovecraftian influences” story that my brain managed to excrete this past November without sounding like a lunatic.

When I am confronted by the above question I reflexively change the topic towards the motivating force that has driven me into the noveling fray while juggling school and friends: namely, the National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short.

NaNo WriMo was started in 1999

by Chris Baty when he challenged a group of just 21 friends to write 50,000 words in a month. Though none of them succeeded, the event quickly gained popularity due to attention from blogs and news organizations such as the Washington

Post. In its 12th year of activity, over 256 thousand people participated, of whom 36 thousand won - a 14% success rate.

If this seems low, consider the daunting task that is 50,000 words in 30 days, or 1667 words per day.

Alongside this, amateur novelists also have to keep up with the rest of reality. To put it in perspective, the English essays that you have labored over probably averaged about 250 words per page. Which is not to say that the typical NaNoWriMo writer has spent their time polishing every word of their novel as you have on your English essays.

One of many encouraging phrases bandied about during the competition is “You can’t edit a blank page,” which, alongside its sister credo “No plot? No problem!” encourages Wrimos” to write as much as they can as fast as they can, regardless of quality. “All writing is re-writing,” and for many people, NaNoWriMo is the kick in the pants they need to start writing, no matter the quality, and let it be re-written later.

By this point, you’re just waiting for one more thing: the reward!

“What do I win for breaking my back over this novel,” I can hear you cry.

“Is it cash? A publishing deal and a movie? A harem delivered in a private jet made from gold?” Well, hold your horses, would-be novelists. Like I said, more than 36,000 people won this past year, and the Office of Letters and Light - NaNoWriMo’s parent organization - is a not-for-profit group which can’t just hand out gold jets and movie deals like it’s no big deal.

There’s no reward for winning except oh, right, the fresh novel you just wrote... and bragging rights: the only people who love writers more than members of the opposite sex are college admissions offices. So even though it’s still another 11 months until next November, keep the contest in mind. Even if you lose, you’ll have challenged yourself and grown as a person and as a writer - those English essays will hopefully be less terrifying when you’ve got a novel under your belt. Don’t let my talk of its difficulty scare you off - more and more people win every year, and you’ll never know if you can be one of those people unless you try. In my first year, I started a week late with no idea what I was going to write, just the firm conviction: “I can do that.” Can you?

WALL OF SOUND: Best Cover Songs

by Leo winters

Cover songs are a controversial subject amongst musicians and music critics alike. It is often debated whether or not a musician should be praised for performing a song they didn’t write.

But, many artists use other’s songs as a template to show off their own musical prowess, and in some instances manage to make something wholly their own.

Some examples: 1. Song: Superstar Artist: Sonic Youth Album: If I Were a Carpenter Originally By: The Carpenters Alternative/noise rock pioneers Sonic Youth covered a tune by the mid70’s sweater-clad soft rock/pop duo The Carpenters, replacing singer Karen Carpenter’s overly theatrical singing with intimate, breathy vocals by frontman Thurston Moore, backed up by piano, screechy electric guitar, and sound effects of what sounds like spaceships and laser guns from some 80’s sci-fi movie. The sound is so unconventional, in fact, that one of the original writers, Richard Carpenter expressed distaste for it. The song was released first on a Carpenters tribute album “If I Were A Carpenter”, and gained popularity after it was used in the soundtrack for the movie “Juno”.

2. Song: My Favorite Things Artist: John Coltrane Album: My Favorite Things Originally By: Rodgers and stein

Hammer-

A song pretty much everyone has had stuck in their head at least once, My Favorite Things was a show tune originally written for the musical “The Sound of Music”, which Jazz legend John Coltrane turned into a 10+ minute jam session that replaced the original’s instantly recognizable vocal harmonies with the melodic wails of his saxophone.

3. Song: Lake Of Fire Artist: Nirvana Album: MTV Unplugged in New York Originally By: Meat Puppets If anyone likes to get all preachy about how overrated Nirvana and Kurt Cobain are, it’s me, and the Meat Puppets (go look them up) are a solid, and criminally overlooked grunge rock band.

But even I can’t deny that the Meat Puppets’ sloppy original song “Lake Of Fire” pales in comparison to Nirvana’s cover. Cobain’s raspy, shivery voice turns the originally forgettable song into a dark, foreboding work of art.

4. Song: When the Levee Breaks Artist: Led Zeppelin Album: Led Zeppelin IV Originally By: Memphis Minnie & Kansas Joe McCoy Rock gods Led Zeppelin turned a homey southern folk tune by husband and wife duo Memphis Minnie and Kansas Joe McCoy into a booming blues rock jam, complete with harmonica, twangy southern-sounding guitars and John Bonham’s impeccable drumming.

5. Song: Wish You Were Here Artist: Sparklehorse feat. Radiohead Album: Lords of Dogtown Soundtrack Originally By: Pink Floyd Although this cover may stick to the original a little more than the others on the list, Sparklehorse frontman Mark Linkous and the band members of Radiohead do the legendary Pink Floyd song justice (something I unsurprisingly can’t say about the Goo Goo Dolls feat. Limp Bizkit cover of it. Just run that over in your head for a minute.) and add a moody, spacey atmosphere to it, with echoing vocals and what sounds like scattered sound clips from a Mexican radio broadcast. Although it may not break any new ground, it takes guts to cover a classic band like Pink Floyd, and this version is highly recommended to fans of the original song.

#IHS PROBLEMS

20 Things to Change at Ithaca High School We recognize that the Ithaca City School District and its staff are faced with a myriad problems ranging from a lack of funding to unruly students. Yet there are still a substantial number of easy fixes and improvements that can be made that will allow our school to run more smoothly, both for teachers and for students.

-The Tattler Staff 7. Wasteful Tennis Court Lighting Even in the winter, when players have no use for them, the IHS tennis court lights are constantly on, causing a substantial waste of money and energy. It should only take, at least, a minute to shut them off.

8. School Heating Fluctuations It’s freezing in K and boiling in F (no, that’s not a punny temperature joke). The temperature differences are uncomfortable and highly inefficient. Should I have to sit in Algebra wearing a parka and then change into shorts for Global?

9. Dirty Activities Building

1. Classroom Clocks: Installed? Working? Probably not. Several classrooms at IHS don’t have clocks and of those that do, many show the wrong time. Some teachers have resorted to bringing in their own. Shouldn’t a school be able to provide functioning clocks?

2. Unnecessary Locked Doors: We go to a public school, not a prison. While we understand that doors need to be locked for safety, locking students out isn’t okay. Standing in the Quad waiting for someone inside to open the door is ridiculous. Please, unlock.

3. Stack of Ceiling Tiles in K Who knows how long they’ve been there. One too many kids have summited the stack and struck a pose.

Moreover, it’s an eyesore and a continuing reminder of prolonged construction.

4. Oversized Classes No one wants a class with 30 students (unless you want to doze off in back unnoticed). It’s extra work for teachers, less attention per student, and uncomfortable.

More funds and effort should be put into increasing the number of class sections.

5. Locker Room Theft It’s the middle of third period, the locker room is empty, and a new iPod was left on the locker room bench. As tempting as it is to claim it as your own, theft destroys the school community, is disrespectful, and eradicates trust.

6. Technology for Teachers who Don’t Want it Several teachers barely touch their SmartBoards. If someone isn’t going to use an insanely expensive piece of technology, don’t give it to them. It’s a waste of whiteboard space and money.

Filled with thick piles of dust and a lack of comfortable seating, Activities is one of the most displeasing places on campus. The only attraction is the ping pong tables. With a bit of time and money, Activities could be fun and filled with students.

13.

Bathrooms

Disgusting, need we say more?

10. Healthier Food in the Cafeteria Yes, pizza might look tastier than a salad, but tomato sauce doesn’t count as a vegetable (sorry, Congress). If a spectacular salad bar was available, or the prices for healthier foods were cheaper, IHS students could start to make the healthier choice.

11. Schedule Problems Yes, scheduling is a mess and it’s impossible to work everything out. However, this year due to lack of class sections, several students had to pick and choose between core classes. Taking Honors Physics and AP Calculus AB? Not an option!

12. High Turnover Rates If you are a senior with a last name that begins with S, at your time at IHS you’ve had: three different guidance counselors, three different APs, and three different principals. Change isn’t always good.

14.

January 17, 2012

Lackluster School Pride

Ithaca is overflowing with great thinkers, athletes, musicians, artists, and teachers.

Would it kill you to show a teeny tiny itsy bitsy little bit of school pride?

17.

An Oblivious Class

We all know who our class officers are (thank you PA announcements!), yet none of us know what they’ve been doing.

Fundraising? Events? Class paraphernalia? 99% of students don’t even know how much money their class has and how much they need.

Bullying is immature and hurtful and should never be tolerated. But upon hearing homosexual/ racial/ sexist slurs in the classroom, many teachers don’t step out of their way to stop it. Most students don’t even notice it. These are your classmates and students.

16.

Too Much P.D.A.

We get it; you guys are dating. However, don’t feel free to block the flow of traffic with your kissing. It’s not “cute,” it’s repulsive to see two people exchanging saliva (and other viruses) via their tongues. Muster some respect for others and save it for after school, please.

18. Small Capacity of the Library It’s pretty sad that our library fills up ten or fifteen minutes into a period (depending on the time of day). Students who need to study cannot because of others who just come to socialize. So, before you think about hanging out at the library, remember that there are others who will be more productive than you.

19. Discipline Maybe this isn’t a “quick fix”, but something that needs to change about discipline. Putting a student in ISS or OSS is lousy punishment, and doesn’t help solve the problems that caused the infraction in the first place.

20. Gross Swimming Pool Why does your face burn after gym class? Why are there a million band-aids in the water? Why does it smell of filth?

Why?

ILLUSTRATIONS BY KELSEY SHANG FOR THE TATTLER

15. That’s So Gay

Sophomoric Corruption “Lie, steal, cheat, bribe.... Do anything to get ahead, as long as you don’t get caught.”

-Ms. McKown, Combined English teacher

By HANNAH GEORGE Staff Writer

PHOTO/EMILY SCHWANN

On January 5th, the 26th annual Combined Class Palio took place, upholding the Combined Class tradition of recreating Renaissance Italy’s rivalries between contradas in the much-anticipated biannual horse race, the Palio di Siena.

In the actual Palio, jockeys race their horses barebacked around a circular track with rider and horse both decked out in their contrada colors. The race itself lasts 90 seconds at most, during which time horses dash forward, skid around the tight corners of the piazza, and fall, as riders hit each other and are thrown off their horses.

Mrs. Pasquale-Bowen, a former Combined History teacher, first thought up the event after going to Italy and seeing the Palio in its modern-day form for herself.

However, in the Combined Class’s Palio, wooden balls on a complicated track replace the horses (only the first year in 1987 did students risk their physical well-being “riding” hobby horses). Despite this major difference, Combined’s Palio and the real thing have more in common than meets the eye: the not-so righteous dealings behind the scene that determine the winner.

“The Palio is a wonderful game of Machiavellian planning, maneuvering, and general skullduggery,” said Kevin Hilgartner ‘12 who won the award of “Most Machiavellian” in 2010. “It’s an opportunity for the scoundrel within to come out and play,” His contrada, Civetta (the Owl), won the Palio thanks to his countless dealings, alliances, and some sly shenanigans that probably shouldn’t be mentioned in print.

Each contrada has a set budget, usually about $25, that is used for its food, costumes, banner, decorations, and bribes. With so little money to go so far, each contrada develops its own strategy to balance the budget.

In 2009, the Palio was won by bribing Ms. McKown and Mrs. P-B to announce Chiocetta, the Snail, as the winner. What kind of bribe did it take to win? No, not money, home-baked cookies, or flowers: Kyle Brumstead ‘11 had Chiocetta’s banner professionally made, and agreed to give up his banner after the Palio in exchange for victory. It’s this sort of clever or funny bribe that holds the most weight for the teachers, who receive multiple bribes to do different things — but of course there are many more people that can and should be bribed. A contrada cannot neglect to earn the loyalty of their jockey (who may otherwise have a delayed reaction at the start) or horse guard (who might “lose” or severely injure the horse), or bribe the medic (to let their horse pass inspection), the track-makers (to find out which starting gate is best), and other contradas (to form alliances and ensure that rival contradas don’t win).

The Palio takes place in the cafeteria, which is decorated and given an entirely different atmosphere as the drama unfolds. The event typically begins with dinner inspired by Renaissance Italy as last-minute deals are made as the heads of various contradas casually take a stroll around the room, shooting rivals dark looks

Last year’s Palio included Renaissance dances.

and playing nice with everyone else. In the middle of the meal, each contrada performs their sonnet, song, and cheer, either to the cheers or boos of the others.

Traditional music and dance are also enjoyed. The actual Palio horse race comes at the end of the evening, after tension has mounted to incredible levels.

Palio history was made last year, in which a secret contrada, Vipera, was formed and bribed its way to victory.

I actually played a part in this, along with Gregory Chu ‘12, as the finish-line judges who were bribed to announce the “real” victor. I asked Joon Park ‘13, a founding member of Vipera, how he managed to beat the competition entirely in secret.

“First of all, we had to recruit, which was difficult, but after that, bribing the end judges was the most important aspect,” Joon Park said. “Before the night of the Palio we planned a lot and I wasn’t actually sure if it was going to work.” Indeed, it was about five minutes until the race when the judges finally caved to Vipera’s demands. Delivering the final verdict caused quite a few hopeful, anxious faces to fall. “I wanted to know how it felt to deceive everyone and win the Palio,” Park said, “I kinda felt bad for tricking my classmates but it felt great... it made me feel very smart.”

The overarching theme of the Palio comes from Niccolò Machiavelli, author of The Prince, and his famous philosophy, “The ends justify the means.” What I find

HELP WANTED The Tattler needs

cartoonists, columnists,

particularly beautiful about the Palio is that all this work is done for the glory of winning, the right to gloat and flaunt in the losers’ faces, and to receive the Palio banner of Madonna and Child. Even those that didn’t win can still delight in the fact that their enemy contrada perhaps didn’t win either, which can be almost as good as winning. For Ms. McKown, one of the best things about the Palio is what it reveals about her students. “By the end of the Palio, I know who has what it takes to be Machiavellian and who doesn’t,” McKown said.

The Palio is over for another year, though there are more fabulous occasions in store, i.e. the Victorian Tea and the ‘40s Soirée.

A senior’s advice to freshmen: plan ahead because this class will make your sophomore year. Yes, there is a tad more work, but you learn more about European history, become a better writer, and have a blast at all of Combined’s downright exceptional (and sometimes outrageous) events. There’s also the bonus of not having to do a portfolio at the end of the year (more time for you to study for all your other finals!), but instead writing the “theme,” a paper on a Europeanrelated topic of your choosing during the fall semester. In my opinion, the class was absolutely worth it.

Author’s note: Machiavellian (mis)behavior is only allowed for Palio-related educational purposes.

photographers, and most of all,

email editor@ihstattler.com for more information

writers.

11

January 17, 2012

Bounced Chapter 5

By KELSEY SHANG

After Nick had left the Garden, we met the character of Julia Vine, a disgraced actress unable to keep track of her debt to the Bookie. And after a huffy encounter, Vine left the Garden in a rage. Now, we find Nick back in his home a few days later.

“My dear,” Olivia hummed as she kissed his cheek. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Attempting to hide his disinterest, Danny gently asked, “What’s wrong, Olivia?”

“How much is left in our reserve?” He pondered for a moment.

“About 300 Victory bills in the tin; why?”

“Danny, I — we need to buy medicine.” She paused. “Ms. Cheer, next door, bought hers for about 400, but I think I can get it for less.”

“How much less, Olivia?” He saw her fidget as she peered above his head. She mumbled.

“Three—” “Three what?” Danny raised his voice. His head began to throb.

“350—” “350 victories?” Danny exclaimed. “Are you crazy? Do you—” “Yeah, I know, Danny!”

“Where are you planning on getting an extra 50? No, how do you expect us to keep up with— Tell me!” Her brows furrowed as her soft mouth twisted into a grimace.

“I need it, Danny! You don’t know how much it hurts!” Language was dead. Danny sped towards the door, unprepared for what he would see. And as easily as the howls began, he shut them out of the world until his breathing was the only remaining sound.

A high house was engulfed in flames, consumed by mayhem.

A burly man dressed in black was barking orders into a telecom as a team of men attempted to contain the bonfire in a cage of white foam. His curly chestnut hair violently whipped about his eyebrows as he roared at several urchins who had gathered near for warmth. An officer dressed in a stiff gray overcoat approached in a forced manner.

“Investigator Bruce, we’ve got a public disturbance: this drunk man passed out—” the young officer stated as he tugged along a dark slouching figure.

“Jesus, Helms,” Paul Bruce snapped. “You don’t think we’ve got enough problems already? Damn it, throw him in the back.”

Bruce grumbled, barely giving a sideways glance. With a push, Danny felt something soft slam against the side of his face; then all was dark again.

In intermittent pulses of lights and blares, Danny was faceto-face with an unsavory fellow. Hacking loudly, the cruel noise resonated as if a shell had been fired.

“Mr. Daniel...Sorrel, eh? I hate talking to shits like you, but it’s federal policy, so shut your trap,” Bruce growled as he leaned forward. Danny could feel the hot and labored breath cling to his face. “Do you know how much of my time you’re wasting?”

And in a swarm of incomprehensible madness, the investigator raved about his unreasonable boss, the laziness of his goodfor-nothing team, and something about the skyrocketing price of vodka.

“This department has reached a new low, I tell ya,” Bruce paced back and forth. “I mean, I’ve spent 20 years trying to chase this son of a bitch, but instead I’m stuck with dealing with wastes of air like you. This bastard, the Bookie, sells lives.” Danny flinched, catching the keen attention of the hulking man.

“The Book— I mean,” Danny stuttered. “Seriously? That’s—” Bruce’s stare caught him in midsentence.

“The Bookie? What do you know about him? If you know something, you’d better tell me now.” His raucous voice grew dangerously low. In a cold sweat, Danny profusely shook his head. The investigator furiously grabbed his collar, nearly shaking him.

“Listen to me, you little shit. You don’t know what you’re messing with here. That man is bad news. You see this?” Bruce lifted up his sleeve to reveal a deadly white scar running from his shoulder to his wrist. Danny’s stomach dropped to his knees. “I don’t even want to tell you what he did to me. I was so close.

“Well, he’s an idiot dealing out to idiots. Ever since more people started living into their 100s with stolen cash, crime’s grown out of control. It ain’t right. I’m doin’ my best here, but no one else gives a crap,” Bruce said with a haggard groan. Annoyed, he released Danny, who fell back into the chair with a petrified gasp, then Bruce brusquely returned to his desk.

“Get out of here and get wasted at home, not in my neighborhood. I don’t want to see your ugly face from now on out.” It was more than enough to clear the office before the jaded investigator even took his seat.

Read the next chapter in the February issue of The Tattler!

Asian American Club

By CHRISTINA SEUNG

Every Thursday after school, Roger Kao ’12, the president of Asian American Club, and about 30 other students gather to discuss and share Asian culture. Kao says that although the club is named “Asian American Club,” it’s more about “providing a diverse cultural experience” and having students of all races “together to socially get involved in the Asian community.”

His claim is justified: roughly one-third of the members are Caucasian, and one member is African-American. Despite their Caucasian backgrounds, Conor Coutts ’15 said, “I feel so included in this club.” Sophia Lux ’13 added, “This is the highlight of my day!” and Michelle Parks ‘13 said, “It takes away from the stress of school.”

One striking character of Asian American Club is that it’s not at all rigidly structured.

At the meeting I attended, the students freely walked around the room, chatting with others while munching on chips. After ten minutes or so, Kao rounded up everyone to talk about future activities, such as doing Secret Santa, brainstorming Asian restaurants to try out and figuring out whether the club would like to take a trip to Chinatown or an amusement park. After going over the agenda, during which almost all the members expressed their opinions, they began to play Apples to Apples. The long-time members, such as Tenzin Dikyikhangsar ‘13, were eager to include the shy members in the game. Dikshing Lama ’13 added that sometimes the club has movie nights or food nights, both of which consist of watching and eating all things Asian. Outside of school, Kao said that the club has been “working with the Ithaca Asian Association” to volunteer in the community.

Whether the Asian American Club members meet inside or outside of school, as Kao said, everyone is “very welcoming” and eager to “learn about other races.” He added that no background information on Asian culture or history is required because “just by socializing with people from this club will help students learn about the Asian culture.” So if you’re looking for a fun, relaxing cultural experience, stop by Asian American Club this Thursday in Room G204.

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Love 146: Ending Sex Slavery

By CHRISTIANA BIRCH

Imagine being sold into slavery for the purpose of sex for money. You have no rights; those that “own” you beat you regularly and make you do things against your will. That is what sexual slavery is: when people, mainly young girls, are unwillingly forced into slavery for sexual exploitation. In 2001, the FBI estimated that 700,000 women and children were trafficked worldwide. According to the 2005 report, between 600,000 and 800,000 people are trafficked across international borders each year, with 14,500 to 17,500 trafficked into the U.S. In 2002, Rob Morris, the co-founder and president of Love 146, took a trip with a few of his friends to Southeast Asia to see what was going on firsthand. While there, Morris partnered up with a couple of undercover investigators and visited a brothel, pretending to be customers. They found themselves standing in a room,

looking at young girls with red dresses on who were watching cartoons. These girls, devoid of any remaining personal effects, were not even given the honor of retaining their names; they were identified by number. As Morris and his friends looked, they were mostly shocked at the lifelessness in the faces of the children — somewhat like robots, with no fight left in them. Their attention turned to one of the girls, who seemed new to the brothel, who seemed as if she still had a fight, a remaining spark of life. They will never know her name, but they will never forget her number: 146. Her number represents millions of others.

Love 146 works towards the abolition of child sex slavery and exploitation through prevention, awareness, and aftercare. “Love Protects, Love Defends, Love Restores, Love Empowers.”

Love146 meets Mondays after school in Ms. DeCicco’s room, G220.

12

January 17, 2012

Student Feature: An Interview with Sadé Kammen

TBP: Mexican Food in the Cold

By Medeea Popescu

Medeea Popescu ‘13: So why did you move to Ithaca?

Sadé Kammen ‘15: I came to Ithaca this year for many reasons — but the main reason was to get a different experience than what I had previously had. Since I was 5, I attended a really small private school called Head-Royce School. It is an amazing school, both academically and for extracurricular activities, but I felt like I was getting a very small view of the world. With about two weeks until I got out of school, I decided that I was going to switch schools — no matter what. I had missed all the deadlines for the private schools in the Bay Area, and the public school that I would have attended is known for having not-so-great academics, as well as a lot of violence. My parents and I scrambled for ideas when my dad suggested that I go live in Ithaca with his parents. We talked, and I was quickly enrolled at IHS. MP: Do you miss Oakland? How is it different from Ithaca?

SK: I love Oakland for many reasons. That being said, I have really enjoyed living in Ithaca as well. They are very different places, both in size and temperature. I love the fact that in Ithaca, you can easily go out to do something and see someone you know. I enjoy the ability to be able to get around town without having to have my parents drive me everywhere. The weather in Ithaca is also something very different, and I know I haven’t experienced any extremes in the weather yet, but I absolutely adore the snow when it comes down, along with stomping on frozen ice puddles to crack the small amount of ice on top of them. At the same time, I miss the city feel of Oakland and being close to San Francisco and Berkeley. I miss going to A’s, Warriors and Raiders games. I also really miss my friends, but feel like this time in Ithaca was really worth it.

MP: How does your old school compare to IHS? SK: My previous school was very different in many aspects.

Head-Royce was a very small private school, which meant amazing academics, but a limited choice of classes. I was very happy with IHS’s choice of classes, and was really pleased to be able to switch in and out of them. At the same time, the number of students at IHS is very different. At Head-Royce I knew almost every student by name, ranging from lower to upper school — which was also something different: being with kids age 5-18 compared to only just high-school kids.

MP: What do you see yourself doing in the future? What are you interested in?

SK: I’m very interested in musical theatre, and hope to be able to turn that into a career. I also love to write, and did National Novel Writing Month with a few of the other people at IHS, which was incredibly hard and yet very rewarding.

MP: Have you done any clubs or gotten involved with anything else at IHS? SK: I haven’t been involved with any clubs in IHS, but I am currently involved in after-school chorus, the madrigals chorus and vocal jazz. I was also in the school play, “All In The Timing.” All have been very fun, and I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with the people that I’ve met in all of them.

MP: That’s great! When are you planning on leaving Ithaca?

SK: January 13th is my last official day at IHS. I will be going to a boarding school in Mill Bay, Vancouver Island, Canada, called Brentwood College School. As sad as I am to leave Ithaca mid-year, I know I would have to leave at the end of the year anyway, which makes me feel somewhat better about leaving so soon.

MP: What will your favorite memory of your time in Ithaca be, do you think?

SK: There have been so many good memories from being at IHS — being in the play, the choirs — but I have to say that what I’ve really enjoyed the most is just being with the people that I’ve met. All the people that I’ve had the chance to talk to and be around have been really nice and a lot of fun to be around. It has been so much fun to be able to make a whole new set of friends, which was something that I didn’t expect to be able to do — and that has been an amazing experience.

PHOTO/PROVIDED

Sadé Kammen ‘15 came to Ithaca over the summer, and is staying for the first semester. She is currently 14 years old (15 on December 24th), and was born in Philadelphia, PA. She lived in Princeton, NJ until she was 3, when her family moved to Oakland, CA.

That Burrito Place in Collegetown

By ANNELISE RAYMOND and CHRISTINE GERDING

It was a cold and blustery day in December when, at exactly 12:37:42, Annelise Raymond ’12 and Chrissy Gerding ’12 arrived at That Burrito Place, 319 College Ave in Collegetown. According to their website, That Burrito Place has seating, but upon investigation none was found.

The atmosphere could be described as “alternative skater,” with a metal counter covered in bumper stickers and logos spray-painted on the wall. The person serving us fittingly had a mohawk, multiple facial rings, and vocabulary such as “word” and “chill.” The clientele seemed to be pretty regular – there was a nice flow of customers of various sorts.

Raymond ordered a chicken burrito for $7.49, which included rice, beans, salsa, cheese, and etc. Gerding ordered a beef

burrito also with etc. We were forced outside into the cold to find a place to sit, which presented itself to us in the form of the outdoor picnic tables outside Collegetown Bagels. ‘Twas cold. ‘Twas drippy.

And ‘twas good music from the outdoor speakers.

The burritos were yummy and large enough to be pleasantly filling but no so large that our stomachs were bursting. If you are to order one of these burritos, we recommend that you not eat them wearing gloves, as they can be quite drippy, as previously stated.

Overall, our experience was not what we’d expected, but it was pleasant nonetheless. We suggest That Burrito Place for people who are chill and want good cheap Mexican food. However, if it’s wintertime, you have to be aware of the absence of indoor seating and not mind eating at a picnic table outside CTB.

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Wrestle Wo-mania

By JULIA JOHN

Blo-Ball: A Ping-Pong Workout For Your Lungs

By ALEKSA BASARA Staff Writer

PHHWWWWTTTTT! “Like that?”

That was my failed attempt at playing blo-ball, a sport similar to ping pong but with a crazy twist.

Does it have an extremely awesome table top? Yes. Are the rules in blo-ball different from normal ping-pong? Yes, pretty much. Are there any nets?

No. Are there any paddles involved? NO! People blow the ping pong ball back and forth to win each point.

Blo-ball is a unique sport created by Kenny Weiland in 1993; he patented it a couple of years later.

The sport became better known when it was showcased in 1996 on an ABC TV show known as “Why Didn’t I Think of That.”

The sport is unique mostly because of its rules.

Blo-ball is a sport where the tabletop is adjusted to the player’s height. If you have a player that is about 5’3” and a player that is around 5’9”, you can actually raise and lower each side of the table to make sure everyone is at mouth level with the surface of the table. The table is also unique and different from the table used for ping pong because of the walls and the dimensions. As it may be difficult to blow the ping pong ball up over a net, or aim the ball in general, there is no net. There are 3-inch walls, however, on either side of the table that the players

can use to ricochet the ball off of. To make the game easier, the table is about six feet by three feet, much smaller than a ping pong table.

The serving player inserts the ball through a small hole at one side of the table and then blows the ball over to the other player to start the rally.

Players blow the ball back and forth until one player has successfully blown the ball past the opponent.

There is no other way to score points. Points cannot be awarded if the ball bounces twice or rolls for a certain amount of time; it must fall off the opposing player’s side. Points can also only be awarded to the server. In a way, it is similar to volleyball, because you have to earn service (when the server serves) before you can start racking up points. A total of 11 points must be scored to win the game, and the rules say that you must win by at least 2 points.

To win, you would obviously need to have amazing lungs and be quick at moving your head from side to side to stop the ball from falling off the side.

The points are probably harder to win as the walls keep the ball in play, so the points are drawn out for long periods of time. If you have the urge to play a strange variation of ping pong, and think you have the lungs for it, give blo-ball a go and see how it works out. Who knows; if one day blo-ball gets introduced into the Olympics, you just may be the one contending for gold.

PHOTO/EMMA PRESTON

Wrestling is generally seen as a boys’ sport, since it is primarily boys who compete. But this year Kendra Waddell ‘12 has joined the team and has proven herself to be a very determined and hard worker. But what is it like being the only girl in a group of boys, especially in such a physically taxing sport?

When I talked to Waddell, her response was that the only real difference is that she goes into a separate locker room after practice. It gets a little lonely, but only then. Everyone is welcoming, which I could tell from the few minutes I spent at practice. The boys wrestle her just the same as each other. She wears the same uniform. The only awkward day was the first one, simply because it was unlike the cross country team she had been on before. She has never wrestled another girl before, but wrestling boys is no different to her. Her experience with jiu jitsu, a martial art, has made the transition into wrestling an easier one.

Mr. Parker, who coaches the wrestling team, has had three girls on his wrestling team over the past eight years. His approach has been to treat the girls as any other wrestler. This way they should never feel excluded. Team functions and uniforms work regardless. The only thing Waddell cannot do is weigh in with the boys.

Mr. Parker also commented on Waddell’s commitment and helpfulness to the team, the time she spends after practice working with the coaches on technique, Kendra Waddell ‘12, the only girl wrestler on the IHS Wrestling team this year. the fact that she volunteers to mop the mats, and how coachable she is. Her background in martial arts has helped her tremendously. He admires her persistence: Waddell, they were nervous, but once wrestling, it was just like wrestling any not many girls even attempt wrestling, let alone follow through, due to wres- other person. tling’s demanding physical involvement.

Honor Meyerhoff ‘15 wrestled Waddell as a beginner. Does he wrestle her Captains Jory Nickles ‘12 and Alex Crooker ‘12 reinforced the words of differently? No. Wrestling Waddell any differently would not help him or Coach Parker: there was another girl on the team two years ago, so this isn’t her to get better. too new a thing. They don’t even think twice about Waddell’s gender, other Meyerhoff ’s first match was against a girl. But because he had wrestled than that it’s “pretty badass” that she’s there. She is just a teammate, and a Waddell at practice, his nerves were mainly because it was his first match. very admirable one; she deserves her spot on the team as much as anyone He was surprised to see a girl at the first match, because there are only about else because she works hard. ten on the 43 teams in this area.

Nickels and Crooker also added that you never, ever want to lose to a girl, Waddell had her first win on November 29th at a home match versus but you also do not want to be a jerk or hurt her in any way. Before wrestling Corning.

14

January 17, 2012

Cashel’s Corner Tebowing: Right or Wrong?

By CASHEL STEWART Staff Writer

By RUBIN DANBERG-BIGGS Staff Writer

Intensity, action, and excitement are all words that capture the true nature of Tiddlywinks; but does that make it a sport? This question cannot be answered easily, and to understand Tiddlywinks, one must observe and take part in a match. In addition to being surprisingly fun, Tiddlywinks plays your nerves like any sport you can find on television.

The IHS Tiddlywinks Club is a tradition that has been going on for over 40 years and is run by Severin Drix, an IHS math teacher and world-class winker. He has captured multiple world single and pair championships with his partThe IHS Tiddlywinks Club practices their skills afterschool. ner Ferd Wulkan. As stated in his North American Tidcitement that explains the following that Tiddlywinks has dlywinks Association profile, “Severin continues along drawn. Of course, as to the matter of whether or not Tidhis beaten path, and continues to evangelize the ways of dlywinks is a sport, the technical answer is an unfortunate winks with his Ithaca High School students.” no. The definition of sport is, according to www.dictionary.

Tiddlywinks consists of two teams with two player each com, “An athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowand differentle colored chips calls “winks” One player on ess and often of a competitive nature.” Despite the many each team tries to use their larger plastic piece, called a strong attributes of Tiddlywinks, there simply is not squidger, to flip the winks into a cup, called the pot, that’s enough athletic activity to consider it a sport. The amount placed in the middle of the table, by pressing down on of athletic activity in the game is similar to that of chess, one edge of the wink with the squidger. The other player an engaging activity which clearly does belong in the catplays defense and tries to get their wink to cover up their egory of sport. opponent’s wink, thus preventing them from moving. The In this country, sports dominate such a large portion game is won when all the winks of one color is in the pot. of our attention that many games such as Tiddlywinks fall Not to overstate the emotions that I felt during my visit by the wayside. However, Tiddlywinks is not a game that to the Tiddlywinks Club as I lined up my wink with the should be ignored, as it is extremely fun and exciting; do pot attempting to win my first ever game, but I felt an ex- not overlook this could-be-sport.

Q&A With Rohan Khalid, Varsity Basketball Player

By CASHEL STEWART Staff Writer

Cashel Stewart ‘13: What are some goals you have this year?

Rohan Khalid ‘13: My goals this year are to be an academic achiever as well as a better basketball player. I can achieve these goals by working hard on a daily basis and understanding how things are done.

CS: What are some goals for your team?

RK: Our goal as a team is to win — and we must win as a collaborate group. I believe it’s a successful season when everyone has built strong chemistry with one another. I’m confident in IHS Lil’ Red to get this done this year and win for our head coach, Brian Stone. He deserves it.

CS: Your favorite NBA team and NBA player/role model?

RK: My favorite NBA team is the Los Angeles Lakers.

They’re a great team, and have one of the best players in the world, Kobe Bryant.

CS: What’s your favorite pre-game food?

RK: My favorite pre-game food has to be pasta. I love pasta. It gives me a lot of energy before games.

CS: What’s your favorite pump-up (pre-game) song?

RK: Some of my favorite pump-up songs are “Heart of a Champion” by Nelly, “Remember the Name,” “I Made It”

by Kevin Rudolf and “My Time” by Fabolous.

CS: What are your thoughts on the NBA lockout?

RK: As of now there is no more NBA lockout. It’s great to see the players and owners finally coming to an agreement for a 66-game season. NBA began on December 25th.

PHOTOS/RACHEL POLLAK

IHS Handball Tournament

PHOTO/EMMA PRESTON

Worldwide, NFL quarterback Tim Tebow and his famous move are becoming increasingly more popular — so much so that the move has been branded as “tebowing.” Tebowing, as defined on www.tebowing.com, is to get down on a knee and start praying, even if everyone else around you is doing something completely different. If you were to visit the tebowing website, you would find hundreds of posts of people tebowing. I think it’s too similar to planking or owling, and nearly as ridiculous. The only difference is that Tebow is doing it for a cause.

Although some people couldn’t care less that Tebow makes his religious beliefs known multiple times throughout the game, many have strong opinions about it. During Tebow’s winning streak, he was the driving force for the Broncos, leading them to some of the closest victories seen this year. It is this that has made tebowing such a popular “activity.”

Tim Tebow was destined to be a failure in the NFL. Often, players peak in their college years and are much less known as a professional athlete, a trend that is also seen frequently in the NBA. Tebow did get off to a slow start but began to strive and picked up a lot of hype. He is now one of the most popular quarterbacks in the league, arguably second to only Aaron Rodgers, causing tebowing to become a verb and to have a website dedicated to it.

However, it is not the fact that he decides to pray while his teammates are celebrating. Nearly every baseball player gives a little prayer when he steps on home plate after hitting a home run.

Some people are irritated by Tebow’s actions, finding how open he is about his religion to be offensive. But honestly, if that’s what the guy has to do to win, let him do it. Many people have victory dances or moves they enjoy doing; Tebow’s just happens to be associated with Christianity.

Tiddlywinks is a Sport?

Inquiring Photographer HEY SENIORS, what is your New Year’s resolution?

Alice Johnson-Hales “To save a life . . . maybe even my own.”

Dem Lilley “To get brolic.”

Nora Abramov “To marry Mazzie Meown.”

Ryan Hallisey “To beat Nora to Mazzie, tame the bulge, and get out of debt.”

Shelby Hang “To graduate high school.”

Mindbenders

Can you outsmart the Tattler Editorial Board?

1. Fill in the next letter: O, T, T, F, F, S, S, E, ...

2. You’d like to carry a 5-foot-long sword onto a plane, but airport security won’t allow it as carry-on luggage. Even worse, if you place it as checked luggage it has to fit inside of a 3x3x3-foot box. How do you board the plane without losing your priceless steel?

3. Indiana Jones, his girlfriend, his father and his father’s crime-fighting sidekick have to cross a flimsy rope bridge over a mile-wide gorge. It’s so dark that crossing the bridge without a flashlight is impossible. They only have one flashlight. Even worse, the bridge can only support the weight of two people at once. The flashlight is weak enough that two people crossing with it have to walk together, at the speed of the slower person. Indiana Jones can cross the bridge alone in 5 minutes; his girlfriend alone in 10; his father in 20; and his father’s sidekick in 25. The bad guys will catch them if they don’t finish crossing within an hour. How do they do it?

4. Lockers in a row are numbered 1,2,3,...,1000. At first, all the lockers are closed. One person walks by and opens them all, then another comes and closes every other locker (2,4,6...,998,1000). Another person walks by and “switches” every third locker: if it was open, they close it, and vice-versa. Then another person switches every 4th locker, etc. This continues until 1000 people have passed by. Which lockers are open?

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Horoscopes Capricorn (December 22 to January 19): Nuclear disaster is imminent.

Buy a super-soaker.

Aquarius (January 20 to February 19): Listen to songs backwards and sue when you find one that sounds vaguely sadistic. This is the most effective getrich-quick scheme.

Pisces (February 20 to March 20): An old friend will try to rekindle what you once had together. Before you let them break your heart again, break a few of their ribs.

Aries (March 21 to April 19): Do your chores, don’t procrastinate on

the

your homework, and listen to your parents. (No, of course I don’t take bribes.)

Taurus (April 20 to May 20): Say hello to the Easter Bunny for me! Bang, bang, pow!

Gemini (May 21 to June 20): With great horoscope-writing powers comes great...aw, who am I kidding. It’s Saturday night and I’m home alone. I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO SAY HELLO TO ME. Cancer (June 21 to July 22): 1 |-|342[) _/0|_| 71|<3 |-|0205(0935 UU21++3|\| 1|\| 1337.

Leo (July 23 to August 22): Winter break is over. Midterms, go!

Virgo (August 23 to September 22): Need some ice for that? ‘Cause you just got buuurned!

Libra (September 23 to October 23): October isn’t even a month anyway.

Scorpio (October 24 to November 22): Sticking your tongue to metal poles is now in fashion.

Sagittarius (November 23 to December 21): You will find love in the unlikeliest of places this month. Say hello to a fungal infection.

JEZIBEL: COLLEGE ADMISSIONS DOCTOR

Dear Jezibel ,

3. Show up at the admissions office with a check book in hand and refuse to leave until told how much it will cost.

I know you don’t usually give advice outside the realms of love , but I re4. Try tactic #3, only with a parent carrying several cases ally need help. I got rejected from my of hard liquor. favorite college and I don’t know what to do now. Help!

5. Say you were discriminated against because you come - Not Accepted Dear Unacceptable, While this is not strictly in my area of expertise, one thing all great advice columnists know is that the different realms of advice are not so different after all. In fact, treat this dream college of yours as you would a lover who messily broke up with you. Woo your college as you would the one who got away. Here are a few tactics you might want to try out: 1. Send the admissions office a sneaker filled with candy.

Attach a note that says, “Now I’ve got one foot in through the door. How about the other?”

2. Go onto the campus with several devoted co-conspirators and lead cows up the stairs to the rooftop of the tallest building. Cows walk up stairs, but not back down.

from a very high-need financial aid bracket. If they still deny you entry, threaten to jump on your private jet to go talk with them.

6. Write a detailed essay to the head of the college about torturing frogs. Structure it so that it always feels like a punch line is about to come - but never does.

7. Go to the admissions office, ask to step outside for a minute with the head of the department, and juggle flaming torches while telling them about your personal life.

8. Write a 50-page resumé and send it in ASAP. Include a Table of Contents at least 5 pages long.

In conclusion: this college does not love you, but your mother does. Stay home.

Sincerely, Jezibel M.D. of COLLEGE ADMISSIONS

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Snow

Umbras

“Could that be a thing?”

Kate Middleton

Denver Broncos

Albino Squirrels

Dictator Deaths

Ginger Beer

That awkward moment when you realize that you’re not actually Harry Potter Regents Week

Tuesday

Squishy Bananas

BFFs Chavez & Ahmadinejad