IHACA RELAYS
PROM MANIA pg. 4
SENIOR SUPPLEMENT pg. 9
pg. 16
CONSPIRACY THEORIES
page 6
June 9, 2011 • Estd. 1892 • Vol. 119 • No.8• Published Monthly • www.ihstattler.com • Ithaca High School, 1401 N. Cayuga St., Ithaca, NY, 14850 • FREE
New Gym
Construction Underway By ARYEH ZAX
SHOUT OUT to the IHS Boys Varsity Lacrosse Team for an amazing season. Let’s go Little Red!
By SIENA SCHICKEL
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Based on the towering behemoth made of large concrete blocks, the loud noise and large signs of construction crews, and the detours through the main IHS parking lots, all IHS students should know about the new gym-building project. The building, constructed on what was once Deebs Field, is projected to be finished during the fall. However, by the looks of it, the building will most likely be completed during December of the upcoming school year. The gym will have three main parts: a spacious, regular gym area (which will be a little smaller than the current gym), a five thousand square foot workout room, and an interactive section featuring such continued on p. 5
Mississippi Flood Wreaks Havoc By PAUL STOVER
Over the past month, Mississippi has experienced some of the worst flooding in over a century. Two large storms have poured massive amounts of rain into the Mississippi River, causing extreme flooding. Snow
Budget Cuts Déjà Vu
that melted from North Dakota and South Dakota has streamed down into the Mississippi River, adding to the floods. These effects have caused five states to be affected by the flood: Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Illinois and Louisiana. The flood has had detrimental ef-
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fects on the states it has hit, resulting in billions of dollars needed to repair the damage. Due to farmland being damaged the most, many crop prices, such as corn, have risen dramatically. The flood has also left thousands homeless; citizens had to leave their homes to seek shelter in others areas that were not affected by the flood. Rural areas have received the largest amount of damage because The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) believed rural areas would face less dramatic damages than cities, like New Orleans. Consequently, the USACE has been controlling flooding in many rural areas by means of floodgates. Residents of these rural areas were informed that their town would be flooded slightly, giving the residents time to pack up their belongings and seek shelter elsewhere. In panic, some residents built a large ring of dirt around their house so that their homes wouldn’t be flooded and destroyed. The residents reasoned that the cost to build the barrier around their house would continued on p. 5
Last year, the proposed budget cuts hit IHS hard, threatening to cut back on pretty much everything: music, sports, and classes. No student would’ve escaped the effects of the new proposed budget, and nearly everyone was upset about one thing or another. Most of the proposed cuts were saved because of the financial help from frustrated parents. Many modified sports teams were cut, but luckily the Varsity teams were spared. Music groups like Jazz Band, Madrigals, and Pit Orchestra were saved by generous donations. This year, the budget has tiptoed around the music and sports programs, only threatening programs for smaller groups. Proposed cuts include combining jobs within the district to create a smaller number of them, utilizing technology and more efficient systems to have one or two people doing more than what three or four people would’ve done. Cuts also affect English for Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL) teachers, librarians, and security staff, among others. It’s debatable whether or not transferring the cuts to areas where angry parents are less likely to send a barrage of emails is ethical, but nevertheless, this was the strategy that has proven to bring up fewer complaints. There has been far less publicity about the budget cuts this year compared to last year. Last year, middle school and high school students attended one of the board meetings to protest the budget’s effects on the music programs. It was so crowded in York Lecture Hall that many people were sitting on the floor or steps, and there were continued on p. 5
June 9, 2011
Editorial: US Fails to Embrace Green Technology The energy policies of the United States under the Obama administration remain very short sighted and are inefficient in responding to the major changes taking place in the world. The US promotes outdated energy practices that produce pollution and cause global warming. It supports dangerous offshore oil drilling that led to the BP disaster last year, and unsafe technologies such as nuclear power, which could lead to major disasters. Due to America’s oil addiction, we continue to support unsavory re-
gimes in many parts of the world, such as Saudi Arabia, and domestically promote the immoral diversion of food into biofuel at a time when there is hunger worldwide. The US has been unable to build efficient mass transit such as bullet trains. The government has failed to dramatically improve energy efficiency in homes, offices, and vehicles. Its recycling programs, which save energy, lag far behind Japan’s and those of other countries. The politicians in Washington are locked in various inconsequential
battles for their own interests and very few respond to the larger changes occurring worldwide. The implementation of green energy technology is now occurring much faster in places such as Germany and China. It seems that the center of green tech may no longer be the US; China leads the world in the inexpensive production of solar and other green technologies, while Germany is rapidly converting its strong and advanced economy to green power. These nations will lead the world in the embrace of these new tools.
The Obama administration wasted a valuable opportunity, rather than offering a bold initiative to convert the US to green energy in a few years and promote the economy through employment. When Obama was elected, Americans were eager for a change from the Bush administration’s oil friendly and warlike policies. For the first time in its recent history, the US is lagging behind other nations in adopting a major new technology. This was the time for a bold move and Obama missed it.
The 9-11 Mystery By BEN KOMOR
Many of us saw the incident on TV: a jet airliner flying low over a city and crashing into a skyscraper in spectacular fashion. The image was at once horrifying and hysterical, made all the more poignant by the fact that this spectacle wasn’t a TV show: Americans were dying, and many more would brutally die by the end of the day. We had been attacked, but by whom and why? Our government tells us that 19 Al-Qaeda members hijacked four commercial airliners and attempted to fly them into four American landmarks: World Trade Center Tower One, World Trade Center Tower Two, The Pentagon, and The White House; all but the last were successful. A commission established by our government investigated the attack, releasing The 9/11 Commission Report on July 22, 2004. Unfortunately, many questions are still unanswered. The Commission stated that the Towers fell due to fire (created by the plane’s jet fuel) that weakened the supporting steel beams. This makes 9-11 the only instance of fire causing a high-rise 100% steel-framed building to collapse in the history of mankind. If fire weakened the steel beams, we would expect to visibly see the buildings leaning, but this was not so. Additionally, we also see that the fire was oxygen-starved and was not burning at maximum temperature, as it produced almost entirely black smoke. The WTC Tower fires burned on only a few floors and it would have taken much longer than one or two hours to soften the 200-ton steel frame. FEMA’s World Trade Center Building Performance Study (1990’s) conclusively called the buildings fire-proof ; the towers were not brought down by flame. Real world events have proven that fire cannot fell a high-rise 100% steel-framed building. Many of these buildings have burned hotter and longer and have not fallen. For instance, the Meridian Plaza building in Philadelphia withstood fire for 18 hours. The Caracas tower burned on over 26 stories for over 17 hours.
Neither did the planes compromise the structure of the Towers. The WTC construction manager, as well as the leading engineer, both designed the towers with the impact of a commercial jet-liner in mind. The former can be seen on YouTube saying that it would be “like a pencil poking holes in a mosquito net” (not seriously compromising the skeleton). Other questions surround the collapse. For instance, Nano-thermite, a mix of thermite particles that the military uses for bombs, was conclusively found in the wreckage - akin to finding dynamite at Ground Zero. It would explain the hundreds of witnesses who heard multiple explosions and saw flashes of light as the towers disintegrated. It would also explain the many vaporized bodies, the intense heat, and the pools of molten steel coming out of the towers. Additionally, Building Seven, which collapsed after Tower One and Two, presents further conflict. It was a high rise skyscraper built with the same sturdy metal frame as the other WTC buildings and contained sensitive information related to the financial scams. It stood farthest from Towers One and Two. However, Building Seven happened to be the third and final tower to spontaneously collapse on itself. The official account said that debris flew off Towers One and Two, setting fire to Building Seven and causing collapse.The Commission gave it one sentence in the report. More mystery surrounds the Towers. A video of the first attack shows an odd burst of white light before Flight 11 hits the North Tower; another light appears right before the plane melds into the South Tower. Fighters were in the air less than five minutes away from the towers when the planes hit, yet none were re-deployed and the Air Force was not sent to protect NYC from further attack. The Pentagon attack is perhaps an even stranger case. A retired 27-year CIA analyst, whopresented the Presidential Daily Briefs and aided many presidents, stated that the Pentagon was “one of the most secure buildings in
the United States,” complete with anti-aircraft weapons on the roof and an air base two minutes away. But, somehow, it was hit 80 minutes into the foray, in the most vacant area of the Pentagon. This was the only part of the complex that had a sprinkler system and had recently been upgraded to be especially bomb-resistant. The pilot of the plane targeting the Pentagon, Hani Honjour, was a notoriously bad pilot (he failed all his Arizona flight school courses). Yet he managed to execute a maneuver that even the best fighter pilots would find potentially impossible to perform: a 320-degree turn while descending several thousand feet (in a giant commercial plane) and then flying inches above the ground at more than 400 mph. Was Hanjour the pilot? Aviation skill of this magnitude similar to the remarkable turn of Flight 175 into the South Tower (at 500mph) - may not even be humanly feasible. Strangely, the Pentagon confiscated scores of videos detailing the attack, releasing only two videos of their own though of such poor quality - hundreds of Pentagon cameras would have been able to capture every angle and give a more comprehensive view. The Secretary of Transportation said: “During the time that the airplane was coming into the Pentagon, there was a young man who would come in and say to the vice president … the plane is 50 miles out…the plane is 30 miles out….and when it got down to the plane is 10 miles out, the young man also said to the vice president, ‘Do the orders still stand?’ And the Vice President turned and whipped his neck around and said ‘Of course the orders still stand, have you heard anything to the contrary!?’” If Dick Cheney wasn’t talking about one of the four (apparently) hijacked planes, then what was he talking about? The 9-11 Commission was reluctantly created by the government at the behest of the victim’s family members; it was given half of the funding that the investigation of Bill Clinton’s affair was given. The State Department’s Coordinator for Counterterrorism said, “there were things the commis-
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sion wanted to know about and things they didn’t want to know about.” The former director of the FBI also says there was a cover up by the 9/11 Commission. Recently, six of the ten on the 9-11 Commission have also called its legitimacy into question. The co-chairs stated that they knew the military had represented facts falsely, and considered recommending criminal charges for such statements. 9-11 Commission co-chair Lee Hamilton: “I don’t believe for a minute we got everything right”; it was “the first draft” of history. Commissioner Bob Kerrey stated: “There are ample reasons to suspect that there may be some alternative to what we outlined in our version . . . We didn’t have access . . . .” Former 911 Commissioner Max Cleland resigned from the Commission, stating: “It is a national scandal,” “This investigation is now comcontinued on p. 3
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The Tattler is the studentrun newspaper of Ithaca High School. The Tattler was founded in 1892, and is published monthly.
As an open forum, The Tattler invites submissions of opinion pieces and letters to the editor from all members of the community. Drop off submissions in H134, e-mail them to editor@ ihstattler.com.
Letters can be mailed to The IHS Tattler 1401 N. Cayuga St. Ithaca, NY 14850 We reserve the right to edit all submissions. These submissions do not necessarily reflect the views of The Tattler editorial staff.
June 9, 2011
Editorial: A Delicious IHS Hypocrisy: Grinding One could say grinding is the dance of our generation. It is a degrading, tacky “dance” that dominates any party, prom, club, and event. Gone are the days of Strauss, the twist, even Madonna and the Spice Girls. We usher in rap with lyrics devoted to explaining the ins and outs of sex, violence, and drugs; and superficial, auto-toned bullshit. Now don’t take offense, rap can be wonderful and deserves much admiration. Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, Common, Kid Cudi, among others represent one side, though so much of what is on the radio could be done without. Though discussing grinding itself is a waste of time. Grinding is what it is and for now, is here. What is truly entertaining to discuss is the hypocrisy of our very own Ithaca High School when it comes to grinding. Before every dance one must sign a contract agreeing to keep one’s hands (and butt) where they belong. Furthermore, at these events, teachers, APs, and anyone else who is willing to devote a few hours of their life, circle around students looking for any inappropriate movements. Some will even join in, walk through the middle, whatever. So, for people so paranoid about stopping grinding (or at least in theory), it is ironic that the music played by a school-chosen D, would be music that only supports the very movements the school is trying to prevent. Take Junior Prom. About an hour through the dance, the music was stopped and one of the APs proceeded to speak about what is appropriate and what is not. Demonstrations 9/11
promised”, “This White House wants to cover it up.” John Farmer, the Senior Counsel to the 9-11 Commission who led the 9-11 staff’s inquiry, stated, “I was shocked at how different the truth was from the way it was described .... The tapes told a radically different story from what had been told to us and the public for two years.... This is not spin. This is not true.” Actions by the U.S. government after the attack reflect poorly on it leaders. The bin Laden family and Saudi officials were allowed to leave the U.S. after 9-11. We maintain friendly relations with the Saudi Arabian government who funded bin Laden and refused to cooperate with us shortly after 9-11. Saudi Arabia also produced 18 of the 19 hijackers. Aviation and security officials, as well as President Bush and top cabinet members said they would have never imagined such an attack, but “USA Today” reported in 2004 that in 2000-2001 the military was conducting exercises that simulated hijacked planes flying into various targets, including the World Trade Center. The CIA director urgently warned top officials in July 2001 of an impending attack. “The Wall Street Journal” reported in
of inappropriate moves were done, people were kicked out, bla bla bla. Right after, “Down on Me” was played, followed by a whole suite of similar music. And just for fun, let’s quote “Down on Me”: continued from p.2
2002 that intelligence officials knew that AlQaeda hoped to use planes as weapons to strike a violent blow to the U.S. government. In 1994, three American planes were hijacked by Islamic militarists and crashed into buildings. A 1998 CIA report uncovered by “The New York Times” asserted that Arab terrorists were planning to fly a bombladen aircraft into the WTC. U.S. Intelligence obtained information from multiple sources (in 1998) that stated bin Laden was considering attacks in Washington and New York City. “Time Magazine” reported in 1998 that evidence pointed to a bin Laden strike in those areas. “USA Today” reported in 1999 that five Saudi billionaires had given millions of dollars to Al-Qaeda. Furthermore, a conversation between an ISI agent (Pakistan intelligence agency) and an illegal arms dealer took place in view of the two towers shortly before the attacks; the ISI man pointed to the towers and said, “Those towers are coming down.” A U.S. government informant recorded the whole correspondence, but the complaints “were ordered sanitized by the government.” Why? Perhaps this has something to do with the BBC analyst who was phoned by a very
high member in U.S. intelligence and told to “back off” from investigating bin Laden. If not a deliberate sabotage, it was at least a blunder of infinite proportions for our government to meet 20 times with the Taliban in the days leading up to 9-11 in the hopes of peacefully apprehending bin Laden, then refuse negotiations after the Taliban wanted to turn bin Laden over to a different country. How could the most powerful and influential entity in the world not have the means to control its own air space? Why didn’t the FAA notify the military when the planes weren’t responding and were veering sharply off course? Why were the NORAD commander, head of the Joint Chiefs, and Secretary of Defense awarded with promotions and budget increases shortly after the worst defense failure in U.S. history? If a bunch of ragtag terrorists managed to hoodwink the strongest nation in the world, then the U.S. government should at least set millions of its citizens at ease. It should feel the need to comfort the family of victims while proving to the numerous qualified experts in aviation and architecture that 9-11 was what the U.S. government said it was.
“I love the way you grind with that booty on me Shorty you a dime, why you looking lonely? We’ll buy another round and it’s all on me As long as I’m around put it down on me” Deliciously ironic. And this is no exception. All dances DJed by the school and for the school play similar music. Music that spells it out clearly: grind grind grind! It is also relatively impossible to actually dance to this style of music; grinding or break dancing is really all that works. The argument that if the administration changes the music people won’t go to the dances is just ridiculous. High school students are not simpletons who only enjoy one genre or one artist. The world is not a place where only one genre or one artist exists. There is plenty of music that people would dance to and would love to dance to that does not outright epitomize and symbolize grinding. And who cares if people grind? Yes, it may appear overly sexual and may be uncomfortable for some, but it is ultimately the decision of the students. It is natural that the school state that any dancing is not a reflection of the school, is not endorsed by the school, and is subject to administration control; however, by the time one is 15 years old, one is competent to make the choice of how one wants to dance. Dances are school events and should be for the students. What is the value of suppressing the tacky way they enjoy dancing? Get with it IHS. Your hypocrisy is delicious, you cannot connect to your students, and dances are becoming empty grindfests. Play different music, teach a salsa, or let them grind, but be creative. Education reform is all the talk nowadays and dances wouldn’t be a bad place to start.
Letter to the Editor: Dear Editor, Most of us at IHS have had the pleasure of attending an engaging, informative lecture during the David Nosanchuk Lecture Series. Maybe you’ve even noticed that the series is named for David Nosanchuk, an IHS student who died in a swimming accident just as he was about to graduate. But what has never, to my knowledge, been mentioned is that David died doing something that he thought was a normal activity in Ithaca on a warm day in June: swimming at the reservoir, maybe swinging from a rope, or jumping from a cliff. While this sounds like fun, David unfortunately found out that it is highly dangerous due to trees and rocks hidden under the water, severe strong currents, whirlpools, snags, and extremely cold hypothermic water. These are the reasons that swimming in the
reservoirs, by the dams, and waterfalls are illegal and patrolled. It is quite likely that David was unaware of the hazards since it was not posted as dangerous back then or patrolled. I’ve talked with many kids and adults who have done the same thing, and remarkably almost no one recognized the danger in what they were doing or considered the risks to themselves and others. No one who has separated a shoulder, fallen off the dam, cut or broken a foot jumping into shallow water thought it was going to happen to them. None thought they’d be part of a costly rescue that would also put emergency responders at risk, but it has happened every summer, too many times, since David died. At IHS, David’s legacy involves intellectual growth; please, when you’re enjoying the gorges around town, let his legacy also be safe,
responsible behavior. Swimming is legal at the state parks, but illegal in Six Mile Creek and at Ithaca Falls. Jumping from cliffs is not permitted in either the natural areas or the parks. Remember, it’s illegal because it’s dangerous! Please enjoy Ithaca’s beauty safely and help us as we try to keep these areas natural. Respect and cooperate with the rangers — they have saved lives and they work hard to maintain the integrity of Six Mile Creek. Find out more about the Natural Areas by going to the city website www. cityofithaca.org. --Joe McMahon, Chair, City of Ithaca Natural Areas Commission Jerome and Barbara Nosanchuk All letters are subject to editing by the IHS Tattler Editorial Board.
Letter to the Editor: Dear Editor, Recently, we think most would agree that the school dances have become an issue. Personally, we know more than a few students who have been put off by the dances and have opted out of attending due to an unfortunate lack in dancing etiquette. Luckily, this issue is easily solved. Instead of our current semi-formal dances with the norm of loud pop music and grinding, it would be preferable (and a lot more fun) if our school were to begin hosting
themed dances. To get students ready for these dances, gym teachers could teach the basic dance steps in gym classes. Some such themes could be a ball dance, a Western square dance, a retro ‘50s dance (with Elvis songs), etc. These dances would be much more sophisticated and would lend themselves to much more school-appropriate attire. If people prefer, they could get in the mood by buying an outfit from the Salvation Army for time-appropriateness; otherwise, they could wear the most suitable clothing they already
own. We feel this would be a great solution to the issues faced by the administration at present, mainly the issues of inappropriate dancing and attire not fitting the dress code. Also, many students who have become disillusioned with school dances may resume attendance. --Annelise and Naomi Raymond All letters are subject to editing by the IHS Tattler Editorial Board.
June 9, 2011
Prom Fever By CAROLINE ESTILL
June has finally arrived, and you know what that means: it’s prom season at IHS! The dances are go-to conversation topics among upperclassmen as expectation levels rise for the big event. Who’s asking whom, what cute ways they’re finding to ask their dates, and what they’re wearing are questions on everyone’s mind. The Class of 2012 got the ball rolling with their Junior Prom on Saturday, May 21. The dance was held at the Biotech Building at Cornell University from 8-11 pm. Juniors and their guests arrived en masse, dressed to the nines. Although it is entitled “junior prom”, there were also many lucky Freshmen and Sophomores who got asked to go by upperclassmen. Most girls wore knee-length or shorter dresses, though there were a few striking exceptions. Suits and ties were the standard uniform for guys: looking like gentlemen while walk-
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things as a climbing wall and a Dance Dance Revolution! setup. Some of the space will be devoted to equipment storage as well. Both the new and old buildings will be connected. In addition, the extra space will mean that the regular gym, which is often split into as many as three sections to host different classes will rarely, if ever, be again divided. The gym will not only be used for classes; like the current gym, it will see a fair share of users after school. Staff members will be able to use the building on their own, modified teams will have practices in the area, and
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athletes will be able to go in for a free workout as well. A new and expansive wellness center will be included, allowing interactive heart rate monitoring. The variety of new equipment will also allow for new units to be placed in the regular gym curriculum; these include activities based on making healthy lifestyle plans for the students’ futures. The plan has received little criticism within the department or anywhere in the district hierarchy, though, important to note that the construction certainly has not been (and will not be) in-
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be less expensive than paying for the damage caused by the flood. The residents who did not protect their homes have experienced extreme water damage and some homes have even been completely destroyed or carried away by the flood’s current. In one town, the Yazoo River flooded into the town of Satartia, Mississippi, and flooded several homes. Luckily, levees were put in place to stop much of the water before it reached the farmlands, allowing farmers to plant their crops. The first causality of the flooding was identified to be Walter Cook. He was found in downtown Vicksburg in chest high water holding a fence so the flood’s current would not carry him away. When the rescuers finally were able to reach him on a boat, he had died. Although there has been only one recorded death, there have been many other major and minor injuries caused by the flood. In spite of these injuries, many people in nearby towns of Mississippi have pitched in to help those less fortunate than themselves by giving them money, aid, and shelters. Hopefully, as time progresses, the effects of the flood will subside, and onceflooded towns and cities will retain their character.
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expensive. Where there have been objections, they have been about logistics: exactly how the new, large space will be used, where different activities will be held, who will monitor what occurs in the building, and a few other trivial problems as well. The gym will bring an articulately constructed addition to the IHS landscape, as well as giving much-needed room to the many classes who share gym space, time. And there will be many new pieces of equipment that have yet to be unraveled along with the new gym.
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people lined up against the wall. There simply aren’t that many people who make up the entirety of the programs that are supposedly under consideration for being cut or reduced. On the ICSD website, they list this year’s and last year’s budgets. The overall format of the two are completely different: last year’s budget is more like an organized chart of the amount of money being spent compared to the money being cut, with percent increase or decrease, while this year’s budget is almost in paragraph form, giving estimates to the amount being cut and using seemingly more abbreviations and codes in the budget descriptions. Is there a reason for the ambiguity? It’s possible that the school board is cowering from last year’s harsh reaction to the proposed cuts, though it would be a reasonable thing to do.
You See That Tree?
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NEW GYM
ing hand-in-hand with their dates. All in all, everyone cleaned up rather well! The weather also held up, which made impromptu photo ops a plus. The dance was also a major fund-raising event for the junior class, which is in the process of earning enough money for fun events senior year. Generally, dances bring in the most revenue for each class, and they are much more fun than running a bake sale. The Class of 2013 also gathered funds by running the coat check for the evening, and they are also in the midst of gathering enough money for fun events for years to come. The fun continues with Senior Prom on June 18. The dance will take place at Appel Commons at Cornell. Seniors can buy tickets for themselves and one other person for twenty dollars apiece the week before the event. As with all school dances, seniors must hand in a code of conduct agreement before purchasing tickets. Arrive in style, wear your best, and bring your dancing shoes for Senior Prom 2011!
Notice the tree in the quad? That’s right! The IHS green team planted an Autumn Blaze Maple on May 21 to replace the empty stump left by the class of ‘07 senior prank. Hannah George ‘12, co-president of Green Team, quotes, “At the start of the school year we decided to make it our mission to have a tree in the quad. I think it’s a really nice addition to the school.” Enjoy the shade, IHS!
Teacher Feature: Ms. Riboriffic Gray By ALEKSA BASARA
What’s there to say about Ms. Gray? For those of you unfortunate people who aren’t yet acquainted with her, there are some basic things to know. She has been interested in biology ever since her years in high school and further pursued the subject while studying at Cornell. There was no doubt that biology would be her field, but she narrowed it down to teaching after realizing that she didn’t want to work in a lab. As an undergrad, she worked with natural resources, and Cornell offered a program to get a Masters in teaching when she was in her senior year of college. When asked about how life was when she was a freshman in high school, she replied by saying, “I was a runner in high school and I was in a marching band.” (Like all the cool kids). As she has such a high student approval rating, there’s no doubt that Ms. Gray knew something cool when she saw it. Even a student that doesn’t have her as a teacher said, “I heard she’s nice,” and for once, rumors prove to be kind! Her own students have just as nice words. An Honors Biology student of Ms. Gray, Sarah Nixon ’14, commented the other day, “I think she’s nice, and motivational. She always makes us laugh with her metaphors.” Some cool words that Ms. Gray finds to be her favorite are all science words, no surprise
there: “oogenesis,” “apoptosis,” “epididymus,” “forest,” and “taiga.” Having gone through an entire year with our 2nd-period class, Ms. Gray has concluded that our class was “like an untrainable puppy… always late... pees on the rug...” Overall, the school year has ended on a positive note for both the students and Ms. Gray. She sees us as “eclectic,” “smart,” and most of all, “riboriffic” (ribosome and terrific combined). In fact, her saddest time of the year was “when David Stein was out.” Imagine that, a teacher missing a student as if the other 25 people in her class were a walk in the park. Ms. Gray, always looking to improve, looked ahead next year and said she wanted to “make more fun activities.” After reflecting on this past year, she’s clearly noted how well some students respond to fun activities that are both hands-on and packed with useful information. As a student of hers, I can say with feeling and sincerity that it’s been a pleasure to learn a subject I originally thought to be just another class. Now, as the school year is once again wrapping up here at IHS, I find myself valuing all of the information I have learned this previous year. Moreover, I find myself valuing my amazing teachers like Ms. Gray, and only hoping for the future that IHS has many more teachers like her in store for me and others in the years to come.
Ribosome and terrific combined
CURRENT AFFAIRS International Justice By REHAN DADI
Ratko Mladić, the notorious Bosnian Serb military leader who was accused of war crimes during the Bosnian War during the 1990s when parts of the former Yugoslavia became engulfed in a civil and ethnic war, was recently captured. Mladić was indicted by the United Nations appointed International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia (ICTY). The accusation is for genocide and crimes against humanity in 1995; he is accused of the largest mass murder in Europe since the end of the Second World War. Mladić supervised the Siege of Sarajevo (1992-95) and the notorious Srebrenica massacre (1995). The former is the longest siege of a city in the modern era, during which an estimated 10,000 people were killed. And in Srebrenica, some 8,300 Bosnian refugees were murdered, allegedly on Mladić’s order. Consequently, he became known as the “butcher of Srebrenica.” Ratko Mladić was finally arrested on May 26, 2011 from his cousin’s village home, sixteen years after the crimes he has been accused of. He was arrested by Serbian special police and handed over for extradition to the Netherlands, where he will face a trial organized by ICTY at The Hague. The present Serbian government is said to have cooperated in his capture in order to improve relations with the European Union. Ratko Mladić’s capture for trial brings to mind the case of Osama bin Laden, who was also found in hiding recently. However, he was not captured to be tried by a court of law, but rather killed by a team of US forces in his hideout in Pakistan. Clearly, an international trial for bin Laden would have been a better option, at least in terms of following procedures of justice. And it must also be noted that no one in the US who advocated for war with Iraq beginning in 2003--a senseless, bloody affair that destroyed a country and resulted in tens of thousands of deaths and millions of devastated lives--has even been questioned regarding their criminal and immoral decisions and acts. For international justice to have broad and universal appeal, it must apply equally to all people and across all nations. Despite Mladić’s capture, we are still very far from living in such a world.
Literary Linguist:
Words to Know in a Globalized World Native North American Words in English Bayou
By Rehan Dadi
From early Choctaw bayuk, “creek, river,” via French. A marshy lake or wetland.
Caribou
From Míkmaq qalipu, “snow-shoveler.” A large North American reindeer.
Caucus
Perhaps from Algonquian cau’-cau’-as’u, “adviser.” A meeting of the members of a legislative body who are members of a particular political party, to select candidates or decide policy; the members of such a body.
Hogan
From Navajo hooghan. The primary traditional home of the Navajo people made of logs and earth.
Kayak
From Inuit qayaq. A canoe made of a light frame with a watertight covering having a small opening in the top to sit in.
Pemmican
From Cree pimihkan, “to make grease.” A paste of dried and pounded meat mixed with melted fat and other ingredients, later adapted by Arctic explorers.
Potlatch
From Nootka. An opulent ceremonial feast among peoples of the northwest coast at which possessions are given away or destroyed to display wealth or enhance prestige.
Powwo
From Narragansett powáw, literally “he dreams.” A North American Indian ceremony involving feasting, singing, and dancing; a conference or meeting for discussion, esp. among friends or colleagues.
Tepee (also teepee or tipi)
From the Sioux “tipi,” dwelling. A portable conical tent made of skins, cloth, or canvas on a frame of poles, used by peoples of the Plains and Great Lakes regions.
Totem
From Ojibwe nindoodem, “my totem,” referring to a kin group. A natural object or animal believed by a particular society to have spiritual significance and adopted by it as an emblem.
Wigwam
From Abnaki, “their house.” A domeshaped hut or tent made by fastening mats, skins, or bark over a framework
of poles, used by some North American Indian peoples.
Wampum
From Massachusett wampumpeag, literally “white strings.” A quantity of small cylindrical beads made by North American Indians from quahog shells, strung together and worn as decoration or used as money.
CONSPIRACY THEORIES
Obama: Alien or American? By KHALID VREDE To most Americans, President Barack Hussein Obama II was born August 4, 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii. Despite this fact, supported by the release of Obama’s certificate of live birth, conspiracy theorists continue to deny the evidence and insist that Obama is an illegitimate president. The main argument of these ‘birther’ theorists is that Obama’s certificate of live birth was fake and that he was not born in the United States, making him unfit for presidential office. Secondly, before they can be convinced that he is a legal U.S. citizen, they demanded he release his long form birth certificate. Two differences spring from this request alone. First, the certificate of birth and the document originally released by Obama was the certificate released at the hospital after any baby is born. The so-called “long version” is almost never released to a person unless they specifically request it. There would also be no incentive to retrieve such a document because the shorter certificate of birth is the legal document that actually carries weight. A person may not be able to perform such tasks like obtaining a passport with their long form birth certificate. Another puzzling accusation is the birther’s accusation that the Hawaiian government doctored or was vulnerable to the doctoring of Obama’s already released birth certificate by his unnamed secret operatives. If this were true, as theorists such as Donald Trump and author Jerry McCrea believe it to be, who is to say that the second document has not been tampered with either? Why would a calculating forger simply neglect to doctor both documents? If they were adept, they wouldn’t leave the door wide open for conspiracy theorists to deny the validity of the second document upon its release. The former Health Department Director of Hawaii has even stated that she has seen Obama’s long form birth certificate and testifies to its validity. Opportunists, such as Donald Trump, however, deny all evidence that refutes their stance on the matter; Trump has voiced his intentions to send investigators to Hawaii but none have been reported concluding findings. Making money and capitalizing on these theories seems to be at the forefront of many peoples minds, such
The
Conspiracy Existence By INGRID SYDENSTRICKER
as author Jerry McCrea, who authored “Where is the Birth Certificate?” and stated that Obama is not a legitimate president. Many Americans are torn about this issue for one simple fact: why did it take Obama so long to release his long birth certificate? Well, maybe we should be asking ourselves why John McCain’s birth in the canal zone, that may have legitimized his candidacy, had almost never been mentioned? The President should not be forced to succumb to bigotry (if it can be avoided). Furthermore, accusations that Obama is a Muslim show the unsettling mindset of people more concerned with such issues instead of our nation’s economy or foreign policy. Muslims are followers of Islam; however, being born in Kenya does not make anyone more Muslim than being born in Texas would make one more Christian. The suggestion that being a Muslim is bad or anti-American should be completely rejected by all intelligent, self-respecting American citizens. Ross Baker, Professor of Political
Science at Rutgers University, provides a clear take on the matter by saying, “[conspiracy theorists] have an unwillingness to confront what the consensus of humanity knows to be a fact.” People that believe these random ideals cannot be silenced or reasoned with, so the best course of action is to ignore them and teach other open minded individuals the facts of the matter. Polls show that 75% of Americans believe their President is a U.S citizen. In terms of party views, more than 40% of republicans believe he is illegitimate while about more than 70% of democrats believe he is legitimate. Although these types of issues can be frustrating and take away the spotlight of worthier news stories, the fact that they remain can be somewhat of a comfort to Americans. It shows that our nation upholds the Constitution allowing any member of our society to more or less express his or her feelings. Even if these feelings are racist, sexist, anti-Semitic, homophobic or demonize Islam and other faiths. In the end, only time will tell what new and equally unfounded theories await
May 21st: Rapture At Last? By NIKA MAISURADZE
Let’s face it: Ithaca isn’t exactly the most the religious place on Earth. Thus, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the whole May 21 “Rapture” business didn’t have a noticeable impact. Aside from the occasional dismissive “I am a teenager, so I know everything” comment, most people didn’t pay too much attention. For those who didn’t know, Harold Camping, an old radio preacher, predicted that on May 21, 2011, those who were among God’s devoted followers would rapture up to heaven and leave the rest of the ingrates on Earth to experience disastrous hell. Most Christians and secular people alike dismissed the predictions as stupid and unfounded, as the Bible clearly states that no one could possibly know
the exact date of Rapture; nevertheless, there were some who took the prediction to heart. Take Nastya Zachinova, a 14-year-old Russian who hanged herself in the hopes that she could avoid the pain of doomsday. Or the mother who attempted to murder her two children to “spare” them pain (but who luckily failed). May 21 came and went with no strewn empty clothes all over the street or earthquakes that destroyed the rest of humanity. So naturally, Camping apologized and admitted he was wrong, right? Nope, he just postponed the date to October. Did I mention that he predicted Rapture back in 1998 and in September of 1994? (Although, it must be noted, Justin Bieber was born awfully close to that last prediction).
Conspiracies seek to provide explanations for the manifestation of evil or the unanswerable. What is good, what is evil, why is evil present in our society, and how does it act? How does a society as civilized and modern as ours continuously have chaotic, disastrous events which we cannot fathom? Conspiracy theorists wildly and exaggeratedly shout answers and point fingers at a group or an individual who allegedly acts covertly to achieve a malicious cause. According to Michael Barkun, author of A Culture of Conspiracy, conspiracy theories are based upon three principles: 1. Nothing happens on accident; 2. Nothing is as it seems and; 3. Everything is connected. These three principles stand at the heart of every conspiracy, defended without evidence by mostly paranoid leaders attempting to understand failure. Barkun continues to break up conspiracies into three main groups: 1. Event conspiracies: conspiracies related to a specific event or string of events, with a clearly defined objective; 2. Systemic conspiracies: conspiracies associated with extensive goals such as controlling an area, a nation, or even the world! These are often associated with certain ethnic, religious, or political groups; 3. Superconspiracies: a superconspiracy involves the combination of both event and systemic conspiracies, with one large force at the top of the hierarchy which manipulates the rest. These are often thought to have both secret activities and identities. Regardless of conspiracy activity or structure, the core of these theories is to give a name to what cannot be fully understood. To question, often after a heated period, why and how? People cannot comprehend how humanity acts, and often due to lack of information or education, they throw their hands up in the air and cite reasons based upon faith. Facts are useless as the conspiracy is above institutionalized knowledge, and it has control over everything. They are Big Brother and you are the hopeless individual too gullible to believe they don’t exist. Or are you?
June 9, 2011
The Moon Landing or Not? By ARYEH ZAX
On July 20, 1969, NASA’s many missions and training exercises culminated in Apollo 11’s successful landing on the surface of the moon. Over the next three years, the Apollo Program continued sending more astronauts to the lunar surface. That is, of course, the mainstream theory. Many theories about “what really happened” have arisen since then. Despite varying in degrees of accusation, all at least partially deny the truth of a moon landing. The conspiracy theory denying the Apollo 11 moon landing was published in 1974 by Bill Kaysing in his book We Never Went to the
Moon: America’s Thirty Billion Dollar Swindle. Kaysing’s argument stated that NASA did not have the expertise to actually put a man on the moon and the photographs taken lacked stars and dust which should have been blown up from the moon’s surface by the rocket thrusters. However, his claims did not seem to stand up to factual examination. The first claim directly contradicted all official reports. In response to the second claim, the pictures were mainly taken during daytime and the sun outshone the stars. In addition, many stars do appear brightly in ultraviolet pictures taken by telescopes. To the latter, the spacecraft was de-
scending rather slowly and did not require the heavy use of thrusters, hence the lack of dust disturbance. Since Kaysing, other theories revolving around public image and the Cold War have sprung up. It is suggested that the U.S. government was desperate to win the Space Race against the Soviet Union, its major opponent, during the Cold War. However, wouldn’t the Soviets have jumped at the chance to prove Richard Nixon and NASA liars? It would have been an incredible boost for propaganda if the United States was identified as a fraud. But it was never fulfilled even though Russia had all the technology needed to do so.
Another idea is that NASA, eager to avoid public humiliation (perhaps of astronauts tragically crashing on live TV), faked the landings to keep receiving funding (and then somehow bribed the Soviet Space Program to keep quiet). The last view to gain major support was that the landings helped keep the public eye away from the Vietnam War. The U.S. government must have been pretty slow to only attempt to distract public opinion fifteen years from one of the most condemned wars in history! Overall, like most of the moon conspiracy theories above, they are filled with many holes that are easily spotted.
A History of American Conspiracy Theories by MEDEEA POPESCU
As long as human beings have searched for the meaning of the events around them, there have been individuals who proposed explanations so far-fetched that they were labeled conspiracies- the “idea that many important political events or economic and social trends are the products of secret plots that are largely unknown to the general public.” The definition doesn’t inspire much confidence, but this wasn’t always true. For a long time, a conspiracy theory was a neutral term used to describe a civil, political, or criminal-organized wrongdoing, such as government corruption or the conspiracy to assassinate Abraham Lincoln. It slowly began to be used as a pejorative to identify unjustifiable stories involving a secret plot by conspirators. In America, the oldest conspiracy theories can be traced back to the Puritans and other early settlers. Alone in a unknown wilderness surrounded by
“savages,” the deeply religious Puritans suspected Native Americans of being minions of Satan, a belief that justified the atrocities committed against them and the land that was seized. A few decades later, the witch hunts of New England engendered theories about “witch gangs” that had made a “diabolical pact” with the Devil. In the early 18th century, the focus of conspiracy theories shifted from religious figures to the slaves owned by most colonists. Slave revolts scared their masters, and many groups of black people were hung or beaten in response to the rumor of a black conspiracy. The threat of a black conspiracy would scare white Americans for more than a century; but in 1775, the American Revolution provided another venue for plots and intrigues. American politicians, newspaper editors, and clergymen spoke about a British plot to reduce the people of the 13 colonies into slavery and the King of being a member of the conspiracy. This
final straw fired the colonists’ anger and sense of betrayal, and certainly had some part in the Revolution. From the 1800’s onwards, conspiracy theories became more familiar to us. For example, Americans encountered the Freemason Conspiracy (theorized in the 1820’s) which claimed the Freemasons were exerting political control or performing occult activities. As a result of the Civil War, conspiracies that questioned the true intentions of “northern aggression” created a deep divide between the North and the South. Finally, fears of Communism manifested in the forms of the Red Scare, after the Russian Revolution, and again during the McCarthy Era. Modern conspiracies include the existence of aliens, the truth behind Princess Diana’s death, the validity of global warming, etc. Since there is no indication that the flood of alternate theories will ever stop, we can expect conspiracies to be an integral part of American culture for years to come.
The Roswell UFO Incident By KELSEY SHANG
For centuries, people have pondered the existence of extraterrestrial creatures. Whether one believes in them or not, it is undeniable that the public image of aliens is everywhere. Besides being a popular theme within conspiracy theories, the fear of aliens is visible throughout any given time period and form of media. With the rapid development of space technology, more and more people may be accepting the possibility of intelligent life beyond our solar system. One of the most controversial and famous conspiracy theories is the Roswell UFO Incident; the massive impacts of this event still transcend into modern times and remains a heated topic. In the summer of 1947, William Ware “Mack” Brazel encountered a strange pile of debris near Roswell, New Mexico. As Brazel’s publicity grew, “bright wreckage made up of rubber strips, tinfoil, a rather tough paper and sticks” became secretive whisperings of “flying discs possibly used by aliens.” The
story was swept from the local newspaper, the Roswell Daily Record, to the Air Force, and to the head of the FBI. Immediately after collecting the object from Brazel, the Air Force of Fort Worth released a statement deeming the “disc” to be a weather balloon, later identified to be from the secretive governmental project, Mogul, instead. Whether this press release was indeed true or a massive cover up by the government is still fervently debated. However, the major discrepancies within this event are responsible for the varying contradictions between each account. Years later, many witnesses eagerly came forward to each recount their stories of alien or UFO encounters. While some accounts were objective, others were bold and colorful or even falsified. In 1978, Major Jesse Marcel, Intelligence Officer from the Roswell Army Air Field base, when asked about the debris, said, “There was all kinds of stuff—small beams about three eighths or a half inch square with some sort of hi-
eroglyphics on them that... could not be broken, could not be burned. I even took my cigarette lighter and tried to burn the material...But something that is even more astonishing is that the pieces of metal that we brought back were so thin...the boys came to me and said: “...I tried to bend the stuff ...I even tried it with a sledgehammer. You can’t make a dent on it.” Another account includes that of Gerald Anderson in 1990. He claimed that in 1947, he along with his family encountered a crashed “spaceship” along with four of its passengers. He characterized the aliens stating they had eyes that were “oval-shaped, and very, very big. They were a bluish color. Not blue like in human eyes, sort of a milky blue.” Having only been extremely young at the time of the crash and yet, remembering it in such excruciating detail led many investigators (except Stanton Friedman) to discredit his claims. Ironically enough, months after the interview, Anderson returned with a diary from his Uncle Ted, conveniently detailing
the crash as well. However, there were immediate contradictions between the two testimonies. For example, Anderson initially described the alien eyes to be blue while the diary stated they were black. Whether the diary was falsified or not, Uncle Ted had “died” before he could defend his book or the ink used after his death. The Roswell UFO Incident remains a popular conspiracy theory and holds great cultural significance within our society. Like Area 51 or Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds, the Roswell incident is a prominent theme in television, literature, and music. For example, the lead vocalist of the Foo Fighters, Dave Grohl, has a strong interest in the supernatural. Their band name is actually an old term for describing UFOs and they have even gone to the extent of naming their record label, Roswell Records. The Foo Fighters have also performed at the Roswell Air Force Base and even at the very crash site. Whether one believes the stories or not, this cultural icon is definitely here to stay.
Even by ignoring the evidence already presented, it is doubtful that the United States faked the landing. This is simply because of the enormous number of people the government would have to stop from talking. The astronauts, the president, all of NASA’s employees, and many other people would have had to have been steeply bribed (or, as many conspiracy theorists would say, mysteriously killed off) to prevent them from speaking. Sadly, a topic yet unbreached in the discussion is whether the astronauts made it to the moon, or whether they went far beyond it. Who’s to say that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin didn’t accidentally land on Mars?
Conspiracies in the Movies By SIENA SCHICKEL
Ever since movies have been available to the general public, they have usually included a theme relating to current events and international relations. In World War II, propaganda was everywhere telling people to buy war bonds and support the troops. In the mid 1900’s, technology had a major impact on media both in its quality and content. Movies like Star Wars and Apollo 13 were created, due to the rapid growth of technology, making anything seem possible. In today’s media, there has been a rising popularity for movies about conspiracy theories. Apocalyptic movies, like Knowing, The Road, I Am Legend, and The City of Ember, tell the tale of completely different apocalypses, showing the countless number of conspiracy theory films within each category. Movies like JFK, Salt, 2012, and The Da Vinci Code all are based on conspiracy theories; a few are based on real conspiracies, while all are widely discussed. Film Director Oliver Stone’s JFK paved the road for such controversial movies. JFK depicted the events leading to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy and implied the existence of ulterior motives by Lyndon B. Johnson in the murder. Being a little early for its time, people were angrily calling it “an insult to the intelligence.” Its reviews were mixed and debated, but it marked a pivotal point for future movies like it. Since people want to watch relatable movies, it’s not a coincidence that films dealing with conspiracy theories are the most viewed and the highest-grossing. The film industry most likely thinks of conspiracy theories as a god-send with so many financial records broken. The Da Vinci Code made $230 million worldwide on its opening weekend, which is the third largest opening weekend in history. 2012 received $770 million overall with mixed reviews, but is one of many apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic films all produced within a small time frame. The reason for all the excitement produced by conspiracy theories is not for their validity. After events like 9/11, the discovery of the Mayan calendar, or even the (failed) Rapture, we are beginning to realize the flaws in our society, government, and religion, and thereby need to know the cause for these things. Especially after 9/11, The Transportation Security Administration came into existence as a direct response to the attacks. As people began to suspect that other events like 9/11 would happen again, imagination ran wild: past airport security to the government and to the mortality of life on earth.
June 9, 2011
Cascadilla Boat Club and IHS Habitat for Humanity Club Partner for Fundraiser PHOTO/PAM HANNA
By REHAN DADI
Cascadilla Boat Club (CBC) and IHS Habitat for Humanity Club joined forces for a benefit event, CBC’s annual “Row For Humanity” Fundraiser “ErgA-Thon,” held on Saturday April 2nd. Fifty-eight CBC crewmembers and alumns rowed on ergometers (rowing machines) for over 5 hours at The Shops at Ithaca Mall, collectively logging 400,000 meters (250 miles)! CBC Varsity Crewmember Joey Menzenski ‘12 rowed a marathon for more than 3 hours of 42,195 meters. Corporate sponsorships as well as personal donations for the rowers’ efforts added up. The total amount raised was $5,400, of which over $1600 was presented to Habitat for Humanity to fund their home building projects for the local community. CBC’s portion will be put to use for scholarships and equipment purchases and maintenance. CBC Varsity members Molly Pritz ‘13, Kelly Jirka ‘11, Samantha Granison ‘11, Sean Soules ‘11, Rehan Dadi ‘11, Kevin Ladd ‘11, and Oliver McNicoll ‘12 were also involved in the fundraising. On May 26, CBC Row For Humanity crew fundraisers met with members of the IHS Habitat For Humanity Club at Ithaca High School. CBC Row For Humanity Coordinator Joey Menzenski presented a check to Mane Mehrabyan, President of the IHS Habitat For Humanity Club. Also present was Damon Ferguson, representing the board of Tompkins Cortland Habitat for Humanity.
Highly Biased Politics: The Real American Way
By ALEJANDRO YOUNGER
I spent all year writing about politics and at this point, I am a little bored.The entire point of this column was to allow me to voice my opinions on random things that are prevalent in the world, and politics happens to be one of those things. By now, I am fairly certain that my reader base consists of exactly zero people interested in politics and maybe ten seniors (or underclassmen I know) that are reading just to make fun of me two or three days later. So I am breaking the cardinal rule of the YouTube Era Internet: I am feeding the trolls. So I hereby provide you with Alejandro’s Rules to Life. This guide will ensure that you become a crotchety old man by age twentyfive with cynical views on the world and the expectation that we are screwed thanks to stupid greedy bastards, err, politicians. First Rule: Be wary of everyone and everything; they are after your freedom. The only way to be safe is to cut the budget and increase military spending. I am warning you now, we only spend 48% of the world’s total military expenditure. When everyone decides to revolt against the just and righteous rule of Team America, their 52% expenditure will edge us out. This is not acceptable. Build more silos. Buy more Apaches and AC-130’s (I know you CoD nerds out there are complaining because Harrier-AC-TacNuke is OP, but quit whining. America is safe). Second Rule: You are always right. You do not need to argue your point in any sort of coherent manner, because you could never possibly be wrong. Just end all arguments with: “Once you see how right I am, I will have won this argument.” I guarantee* that it will work. Just trust me, I am always right. You will see soon enough how right I am; this strategy works. Plus, God is on my side. He works in mysterious ways. So mysterious that I am always right. Third Rule: The Internet never lies; it is always right, just like me. And somewhere on the Internet, it says I am always right.
Therefore, it reaffirms my statement that I am always right. Trust me, this works too. So those rules govern life. All of it. Newton got physics in only three laws and I just did life in the same. Trust me, I am never wrong. Until the next crappy, biased writer, just remember that it’s over 9,000 and monorail cat is disappointed with your lazy ass driving a car to school when you could bike. Just don’t try the stuff the guys on YouTube can do without a camera. I mean, try your hardest to make sure there is a camera around. The 5th Law of the Internet is: If it would be really cool and there is a camera present, it will go wrong and the Internet will love it. (This IS derived from Murphy’s laws and the intersection of their jurisdiction with those of the Laws of the Blagosphere.) {If you believed any of the above, then you are probably really dumb. Or, my new favorite person. Either way, REALLY pay attention to the camera thing, because that has 80% validity (for me) as opposed to the 20-30% for the rest of this pile of trash.} [And in the event that this article is even more useless than I intended it to be, I blame the Tattler editorial staff. As in, contact me and I can send you the original. I will be really pissed if this clause gets nixed though.] Trolls nomin’ yet? Good. If your trollatite isn’t satisfied, just go to YouTube like all the regular trolls. *Limited time offer only, redeemable through June 1st, 2011 and this will only work IF this appears in font 6 or less in the Tattler. I.e, don’t increase this text size, editor, they aren’t supposed to be able to read this. You shouldn’t be able to read it either. SHRINK IT NOW. I don’t expect to keep my guarantee, so shrink the text, so that when they can’t read it and come crying to me I can point back to it and tell them to learn to read. Or invest in a magnifying glass. The Tattler does not associate itself or affiliate with Alejandro Younger. Views expressed by the author are solely his (crazy ones).
Foreign Intervention and the Western World By MIKE HALL
In late 1993, Rwanda was on the brink of a civil war. An ethnic divide between the Hutus and the Tutsis was seemingly unbridgeable, and foreign diplomats within Rwanda sensed the need for intervention. Apart from a small peacekeeping force hobbled together by the United Nations, with a very strict mandate not to discharge their weapons, no one took any notice. What happened in the following 100 days is beyond comprehension. The Hutus, one of Rwanda’s ethnic groups, systematically slaughtered the Tutsis until the Rwandan Patriotic Front, a group of ethnic Tutsis, pushed in from Uganda and recaptured the country. In those short 100 days, between 800,000 and 1.2 million people lost their lives. All this happened while the West stood idly by and watched: given Rwanda’s economic and strategic unimportance, not one nation chose to lift a finger to help stop genocide. The United States and its allies only see fit to intervene when such actions could reap positive benefits for themselves. Otherwise, when oppressive leaders of “unimportant” countries commit egregious violations of human rights against their own people, the industrialized nations of the world turn a blind eye. This is simply not acceptable. We cannot continue to stand aside and allow human suffering to occur on an unimaginable scale. Recently the United Nations Security Council approved the use of military force in Libya to prevent the slaughter of rebels by government forces. Libya produces 2% of the world’s oil. In Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe has been president since 1987. Human Rights Watch has reported that the Zimbabwean government has committed massive violations of human rights. No action to speak of has been taken by any industrialized nation. The divide is clear: intervention occurs only where it will be beneficial to the nations intervening. It is simply unacceptable that we’ve allowed President Karimov of Uzbekistan to have stayed in office since 1990, President Obiang of Equatorial Guinea to have stayed in office since 1979, and President Saleh of Yemen to have stayed in office since 1978. We can no longer allow our governments to sit and watch countless citizens of the world be murdered, raped, tortured, and enslaved. As a nation, as a world, as human beings, we must do better.
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SENIOR SUPPLEMENT Name: Tim Angel Nickname(s): KT, Timbo, Iceman Motto: “Live well, Laugh often, Love lots” Secret Ambition: To run my own very successful business and to marry my love Favorite IHS Class: Earth science with Ms. Bronson Favorite IHS Memory: Playing Ultimate with the crew At IHS, I will miss most: My friends, I will miss all them dearly. Plans for Next Year: Attending Alfred University for Business Administration with a minor in Entrepreneurship Shoutouts: Courtney Smalt – I love you so much!! Robbie Briotta and Jenny Lee – You guys are my brother and sister. I love you both. Mom, dad, Bill, Jan – Thank you for supporting me. I could not of done this without you guys. Grandma and Grandpa Angel – I love you and I know you’re watching me. I hope I’ve made you guys proud. Grandpa Stebbins – I miss you so much, I hope I made you proud. You’ll be in my heart always. Thank you everyone. Name: Gabi Bennet Nickname(s): Gabs, The Elf Dyke Motto: Yo dawg yo! Secret Ambition: To build an entire city of Sunnydale Favorite IHS Class: Film Study with Anderson and English 11 with Mr. Armstrong Favorite IHS Memory: Everyday in Judy’s room with Marley, Carrie, Aydan, and Matt At IHS, I will miss most: My friends and favorite teachers Plans for Next Year: Studying film at Ithaca College Name: Helen Bergstrom Nickname(s): Hells Bells, Hells, Bergalicious, Berg, Berger Motto: When life gives you lemons… make lemon mousse tarts with candid lemons Secret Ambition: When I grow up I want to be Sylvan Whittemore Favorite IHS Class: APES with Ms. Bronsen Favorite IHS Memory: Mr. Borthwick’s demonstration of chivalry and rapping At HIS, I will miss most: The Christmas lights in the Tattler office and Nigella’s creamy voice Plans for Next Year: Environmental Engineering of Brown University Shoutouts: Winston Wenham your number is one Name: Miriam Bernstein Nickname(s): Meerkat, Shmir Mir, Mir Mir, M-wam Motto: Meowchowfrow, whataryagonnado? Secret Ambition: To go to Mars with Y-Nasia “eye get it brodie” Adams Favorite IHS Class: AP Geo with Vicki Gornall & the Kr3w At IHS, I will miss most: Going H.A.M. in gym class. Plans for Next Year: Getting wild & crazy with Sexy Lexi at Brocky P. Shoutouts: S/o to Abel for being annoying! And Maj for boing my fav & always being a sweetie … Kinda JK. Lovejew. Hold it down for 2013….
Name: Matt Brooks Nickname(s): Blondie Motto: How’s Life? Secret Ambition: I plead the 5th Favorite IHS Class: English Media Favorite IHS Memory: Field Day ’10: band performances At IHS, I will miss most: Free periods with friends Plans for Next Year: SUNY Cortland Class of ‘15 Shoutouts: Ms. Bronson (and the rest of Earth Science Period 8 Class of ’08) Name: Joe Butler Nickname(s): Joey B, Boy yo, Boe Ju Motto: Cash Rules Everything Around Me Secret Ambition: Satanic High Priest Favorite IHS Class: Art Favorite IHS Memory: Class Color Day At IHS, I will miss most: The awesome people I’ve met over the years. Plans for Next Year: painting, drawing, and more painting Shoutouts: my dads, DJ Fox, Anton Lavey, P-Dog, Molan Dorton, E-Dez, Dougie Fresh, L4i, the Vixens, the barnacle, and Gus-Bus Name: Kelly Cameron Nickname(s): Mr. Man, Schmelly Motto: Never wear pants on Wednesday Secret Ambition: to twice over the world Favorite IHS Class: AP Lit with Mr. Byrne Favorite IHS Memory: playing on the IHS field hockey team At IHS, I will miss most: seeing all my awesome friends – I love you guys! Plans for Next Year: TC3 with Cornell Transfer – Kelsey Merritt Shoutouts: Dah Poe – reach for the stars! Name: Adam Chamberlain Nickname(s): Godzilla. At IHS, I will miss most: Linda + Cheryl serving me lunch every day. Plans for Next Year: College Name: Liam Cody Motto: Between a walk and a hard pace Favorite IHS Class: Mr. Carver’s Econ… yikes… 10th Gym with Ms. Palmer Favorite IHS Memory: The great times with my teammates At IHS, I will miss most: Maddren, Bronson, Bernstein, Williams, Powers, Jordan, Anderson, Lutter, Pusher, Hunter, Drix, Donnelly Thank you all Plans for Next Year: SUNY Geneseo Shoutouts: Nick Conklin, make better decisions at senior prom <3 Name: Jen Cook Secret Ambition: Find Waldo before John Nord does. Favorite IHS Class: zoology Favorite IHS Memory: getting to play the new contrabass clarinet in the new Kulp. At IHS, I will miss most: seeing my friends everyday and
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hanging out during lunch. Plans for Next Year: study Equine Science and Management at SUNY Morrisville.
Name: James Eaglesham Nickname(s): Yeti, Jaime, Something sham. Motto: Get money, get paid, Aiiiight Favorite IHS Class: Spanish Favorite IHS Memory: The IHS Concerto Orchestra At IHS, I will miss most: Mrs. Craig verbally abusing Kevin Nicholson Plans for Next Year: Study Microbiology at Cornell Name: Caroline Fleischauer Nickname(s): C-Fleisch Motto: “Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyways. You’ll be dammed if you do damned if you don’t.” - Eleanor Roosevelt Secret Ambition: To be a foreign ambassador and work at the UN to help improve the lives of people around the world. Favorite IHS Class: Medieval History with Ms. P-B Favorite IHS Memory: Dancing through the hallways and parking lot, jamming in Atsede’s car, CTB dates, going to Costa Rica, and Senior Week At IHS, I will miss most: All the friends I’ve made, the amazing teachers, and hanging out with all my seniors in H-courtyard, laughing our heads off Plans for Next Year: Attending St. Lawrence University, Majoring in Global History, Minoring in English and European Studies Shoutouts: The 3rd Period lunch crew and especially Suzie, Sammie, Mieke, Atsede, Becca, and Carrie. I love you girls so much and I’ll miss you like crazy! Name: Josinah Gachia Motto: “usisanau hisani kwa dhiki ya mara moja.” Secret Ambition: Open a restaurant. (serve mostly chocolate desserts) At IHS, I will miss most: Ms. Rumney & Ms. Sadusky (spending free time in their classes) Plans for Next Year: College (BYU) Shoutouts: Kylie Kopp, Alex Hay, McKenna Hagerdon, Ashley Fairbank <3 Name: Rebecca Jakubson Nickname(s): Becca, Schmecca, Schmec, Bex Motto: Don’t stress out about it, the Universe has a funny way of working things out. Secret Ambition: To live in a houseboat and travel the world Favorite IHS Class: Medieval History with Mrs. P-B Sophomore year Favorite IHS Memory: CLASS COLOR DAY!!!!!! At IHS, I will miss most: Chilling in H courtyard every morning. Catching up with friends. Plans for Next Year: Cornell Class of 2015, Arts & Sciences
Name: Kelly Jirka Nickname(s): Kel, Kooey, Kel Bel, Boobz Motto: Never regret. If it’s good it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience Secret Ambition: Marry into Royalty. (Prince Harry, how you doin’?) Favorite IHS Class: H Global sophomore year with Borthwick Favorite IHS Memory: Lunch / Cosmo dates with Carlee At IHS, I will miss most: Cheryl, she made my day everyday. Plans for Next Year: Cornell 2015! Shoutouts: Varsity Girls Crew Team: Kick Pittsford’s butt next year! To my lax bro: stay weird, stay fly. Name: Matt Johnson Motto: Think less than you do. Secret Ambition: Become a ski bum Favorite IHS Class: AP Bio with Ms Gray Favorite IHS Memory: The spring basketball season At IHS, I will miss most: Ms Gray, Ms Bronson, Mr. Lesser and even Rich Bernstein Plans for Next Year: Binghamton University Shoutouts: Ithaca XC can beat Frisbee club any day Name: Corey Mahaney Nickname(s): Corus, Cordus, Cordous, Crodus, Crordus, Coraster, Coreycorpuscle, Jucorey Motto: Everything is shit Secret Ambition: Grow an brain Favorite IHS Class: AP ART Favorite IHS Memory: lunch Junior year At IHS, I will miss most: Nothing Plans for Next Year: School of the Art Institute of Chicago Name: Jordan Mathews Nickname(s): JDM, Jordy Motto: “Don’t tell me the odds!” Favorite IHS Class: US History Favorite IHS Memory: The day I started playing tiddlywinks At IHS, I will miss most: Tables in the Quad WITHOUT Chains Plans for Next Year: Apprenticeship at Barbershop, working as stylist for a salon, taking courses at TC3 Shoutouts: Everyone who ever tried to be patient with me, and gave me a chance. Thank you so much! Oh yeah, and here’s a shout to HAN SOLO! :D Name: Alistair McAlistair Nickname(s): Harvard Graduate Motto: I hate the riff-raff and their uncultured ways Secret Ambition: What’s there to need? I’m already wealthy and have graduated from the premier university in the world – I get everything I want! Favorite IHS Class: Economics Favorite IHS Memory: Insulting venders by asking for
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change for $100 bills At IHS, I will miss most: Wishing I were rich and successful – Now I can actually be rich and successful Plans for Next Year: Re-enter the family business so I may receive billions from my trust fund Shoutouts: To my personal chef – thanks for all the tasty caviar!
Name: Kelsey Merritt Nickname(s): Lt. Dan, Kelsey Vananada Sassypants, Creeper Maque Motto: When in doubt pull a pocket Kelsey out :) p.s. there’s never enough sass Favorite IHS Class: 7th period pre-calc with Mr. Noyes Favorite IHS Memory: Winning the state championships in hockey. I’m going to miss you guys. At IHS, I will miss most: Seeing my beautiful friends everyday and telling our crazy stories, they never get old! Plans for Next Year: TC3. Hi Kelly :) Shoutouts: To all my amazing friends, I love you guys so much and to all the underclassmen good luck with the next few years! Name: Gabe Millman Nickname(s): Brothahansel Motto: Bold statement Favorite IHS Class: Concert Band Favorite IHS Memory: Summersaults in the car At IHS, I will miss most: Ms. Rumney Plans for Next Year: Studying Sound Recording Technology at IC! Shoutouts: Ms. Rumney Name: Kevin Nicholson Nickname(s): Big Stick Motto: Death before Dishonor. Secret Ambition: To paint flames on the Boonemobile Favorite IHS Class: Combined, 10th grade At IHS, I will miss most: Getting verbally abused by Ms. Craig every day for 3 years. Plans for Next Year: Go to college at Gettysburg (and stay there for both semesters) Shoutouts: To D-Wells and Molan Dorton Name: Carlee Norberg Nickname(s): Cans, Carleh, babeh cake Motto: Sing with all the colors of the wind. Secret Ambition: Marry Johnny Depp and sail around the world. Favorite IHS Class: H Global w/ Borthwick Favorite IHS Memory: lunch / cosmo dates with Kelly At IHS, I will miss most: Emmy Smith Plans for Next Year: Umass Amherst 2015 Shoutouts: Emmeh girl, we’re stealing a fine truck and heading to Mexico. Narlehs stay scoileh! Ya hear! Name: John Nord Nickname(s): Nerdles Secret Ambition: Learn the ways of the force. And then
find Waldo. Favorite IHS Class: Lunch Favorite IHS Memory: New Kulp! At IHS, I will miss most: Hanging out with friends during free periods. Plans for Next Year: Studying Physics at SUNY Buffalo and Division 1 Swimming Shoutouts: To music students take care of Kulp! And Mrs. Zawel!! Name: Tara Lobo Nickname(s): Tobo Secret Ambition: Re-install the pumpkin at the top of the Cornell clock tower Favorite IHS Class: H-Courtyard 2nd & 3rd period Favorite IHS Memory: Escapes to Purity At IHS, I will miss most: My lovely friends and teachers Plans for Next Year: Motel School of Hospitality Administration at Cornell University Name: Jesse Reynolds Nickname(s): Jess, Jessica, Jesse McCartney, J-Rey, Tha J-Dawg Motto: Get rich or die tryin’ Secret Ambition: Marry Ms. Gornall; construct human centipede Favorite IHS Class: Health Favorite IHS Memory: Cuddling and hugging with Kayla in the hallways At IHS, I will miss most: Kayla’s gentle touch Plans for Next Year: FBGM Shoutouts: All my girlz… Ismini Ethridge, Lucie Sorel, Melinda Casey, Rachel Sally Name: Stefano Rigucci Motto: “If there’s a will, there’s a way.” Favorite IHS Class: Theater, Chemistry, and English At IHS, I will miss most: The diversity and opportunities Plans for Next Year: Attending the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in Hollywood, CA Name: Kyle Rothman Nickname(s): Lazy-Bathrobe Dad Motto: Kill People, Burn Shit, Fuck School Secret Ambition: Proper fatherhood, Gumption Favorite IHS Class: English / Media w/ Mr. Byrne Favorite IHS Memory: Finding new groups of friends my Sophomore year, Destroying H-Courtyard Senior year At IHS, I will miss most: The Graffiti Art Shows in the bathrooms, my best friends, all the student bands Plans for Next Year: Documentary Study and Production at the Parks School at Ithaca College Shoutouts: Peter, Imma Punch You. Dad, I remember. Name: Lily Sahn Nickname(s): Brown Suga Precious, Lils, Wilsy Poo, Bil. Motto: Hakuna Matata Secret Ambition: To become a Kardashian. Favorite IHS Class: AP US History and awk Monday
ULATIONS!
mornings (right Kel?) Favorite IHS Memory: Class color day sophomore year. At IHS, I will miss most: Gelly tossing Carlee into underclassmen boys every day after 7th period Plans for Next Year: Georgetown University 2015 Shoutouts: Rachel, Emmy and my lil siter Emma! Carry on the legacy, Stay fly, Stay weird. Name: Courtney Smalt Nickname(s): Court, Cortaca, Court sport, Courtneylou Motto: Tim don’t hurt yourself Secret Ambition: Travel the world Favorite IHS Class: Combined w/ PB, Spanish II H w/ Mr. Morales Favorite IHS Memory: Senior trip & having to see my boyfriend be taken by ambulance to the hospital At IHS, I will miss most: My women Plans for Next Year: Attending Houghton College major Pre-Med Shoutouts: To all my SITBers I <3 you all Name: Casey Smith Nickname(s): Forrest, Schmasey Motto: never wear pants on Wednesday Secret Ambition: I can’t tell you. It’s a secret. Favorite IHS Class: 7th period pre-calc with Mr. Noyes (mull-teh-plick-eh-tiv and Inky Boy) Favorite IHS Memory: Aida and The Wiz (love you guys) At IHS, I will miss most: Seeing my friends everyday. And J.L. Plans for Next Year: Elmira College ‘15 Shoutouts: To Jenna (I love you) and St. John – keep getting syrupy drunk!
Name: Natanya Stryhas Nickname(s): Natty Ice, Nat, Natty J Motto: to get what I desire, it is my empire Secret Ambition: to be a super model Favorite IHS Class: APES w/ Bronson At IHS, I will miss most: “bronzing” in the quad Plans for Next Year: Lehigh University! Shoutouts: R. Pollak and the lunch bunch Name: Zoë Stewart Nickname(s): Zozima the warrior princess Motto: “A Full tummy = a happy dino!” Secret Ambition: Backpack Europe! Favorite IHS Class: Social Studies with Mr. Borthwick Favorite IHS Memory: Last Choir Concert and the scandalous affairs that commenced At IHS, I will miss most: My friends and the sexy ladies! Plans for Next Year: TC3 Environmental Science Shoutouts: AWKWARDSAURUS!! Name: Peter Thompson Nickname(s): Pdog Motto: size does matter Secret Ambition: Find Waldo Favorite IHS Class: How to live healthy: with Boone Favorite IHS Memory: Feeding Steve Weissberg At IHS, I will miss most: Blanton Sheilly Plans for Next Year: Become the world’s premier Jenkem dealer Shoutouts: THC and all my boys in the industry
Name: Dylan Wells Nickname(s): D-Wells, Dryan Werrs, Dryllan’ Wells, Name: Elias Spector-Zabusky Dyrah Werr Nickname(s): That kid with the hair Motto: Fuck cops Motto: Don’t Be STUPID Secret Ambition: Gotta catch ‘em all Secret Ambition: To have a fro Favorite IHS Class: Fractals + Chaos Favorite IHS Class: AP LANG Favorite IHS Memory: dropping Peter Pillardy’s pencil Favorite IHS Memory: That one time that thing happened into his own Pellegrino At IHS, I will miss most: having first period free At IHS, I will miss most: Mr. Tuori aka T-Dawg Plans for Next Year: Brown University Plans for Next Year: Study environmental engineering at Shoutouts: No Drexel University Shoutouts: Tiddlywinks club is the best club. Eh Steve!
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao By BENNETT WINTERS
Dominican author Junot Díaz has been on the literary scene for a while, having published his first work 15 years ago with the short story collection Drown and currently serving as a writing professor at MIT. It was not until very recently, in 2007, that Diaz put out his first novel, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, but what a novel it is. The titular character, Oscar de Leon, is the son of a Dominican immigrant living in the ghetto of Paterson, NJ. The simplest way to explain Oscar’s character is to label him as a nerd. He is an extension of an archetype we are only too familiar with: he spends his time with his grossly overweight body planted in his room, reading sci-fi, and lusting after women from afar. The fundamental difference between Oscar and typical characters like this is his heritage (and of course Díaz’s awe-inspiring aptitude at developing character without cliché). It is best put by the novel’s narrator and Oscar’s eventual college roommate, Yunior de Las Casas, when he states, “Anywhere else his triple-zero batting average with the ladies might have passed without comment, but this is a Dominican kid we’re talking about, in a Dominican family: dude was supposed to have Atomic Level G, was supposed to be pulling in the bitches with both hands.” Yunior narrates all but small sections of the novel, so every page is written in the voice demonstrated above, which, aside from Oscar’s character, is the most redeeming aspect of the novel. Yunior’s voice in all its slang, pop-culture references, and profanity rolls off the tongue of the mind with ease and is charged with emotion. The street voice also gives the novel’s truths a familiar, resonating humor, an example being Oscar’s regard for his older sister’s high school friends early in the novel: “When they were around he didn’t need no Penthouses. Her girls were not too smart but they were fine as shit: the sort of hot-as-balls Latinas who only dated weight-lifting morenos or Latino cats with guns in their cribs. They were all on the volleyball team together and tall and fit as colts and when they went for runs it was what the track team might have
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looked like in terrorist heaven.” Later, he compares Oscar’s aptitude with women to that of a college kid with a “Phantom of the Opera burn” across his face: “At least Jeffrey could claim an honest medical condition. What could Oscar claim? That it was Sauron’s fault? Dude weighed 307 pounds, for f***’s sake! Talked like a Star Trek computer! The real irony was that you never met a kid who wanted a girl so f***ing bad. I mean, shit, I thought I was into fe-
males, but no one, and I mean no one, was into them the way Oscar was. To him, they were the beginning and end, the Alpha and the Omega, the DC and the Marvel.” These quotes, despite their obvious allure, make it seem like the novel is solely about the quest of one sorry ghetto-nerd to get laid. And in some sense, it is. But Diaz injects this simple premise with elements that give the book a much greater scope. Elements such as the ever-present cross-cultural identity crisis through the contrast of Yunior and Oscar’s character. Yunior’s voice here and there will strike a very profound note and its contrast with the rest of the language makes it that much more affecting. For example, a section covers Oscar’s mother Belicia in her highly naïve and scarred days of Santo Domingo youth (Yunior did some research): “Beli at thirteen believed in love like a 70-year-old widow who’s been abandoned by family, husband, children and fortune [but] believes in God.” As mentioned, the de Leon family’s exploration of their roots and the subsequent setting of the Dominican Republic for about half of the novel is vital to its scope. This aspect helps develop the arc of Oscar, bringing his journey to light as one of many in the very human search to define and obtain “home.” Oscar and this development are the extreme focus of the novel—almost to a fault at some points. The character of Oscar is so dominating, magnetic, endearing, and relatable in all his ineptitude that whenever his story is more indirectly explained through the tribulations of his family members, we cannot help but think, “When’s Oscar coming back?” which only makes his “on-screen” time that much more rewarding. The novel claims throughout its text to be about the de Leon legacy—the harsh realities of the American dream through the endless and almost supernatural struggles of their line—and on a thematic level it no doubt is. But on a personal level, on a level of pure narrative strength and incentive to turn the page, this Pulitzer Prize-winning novel is all Oscar and Yunior.
“Thor” in Action By KHALID VREDE
Thor, based on the Marvel comic, uses both Greek and Norse mythology to chronicle the beginnings of the God of Thunder. The movie brings together a strong cast with Chris Hemsworth (who has played minor roles and was seen in Star Trek) as Thor and Anthony Hopkins (Wolf-man and The Right) as Thor’s father, Odin. The role of the cunning and manipulative villain, Loki, is played by Tom Hiddleston and Thor’s damsel in distress is played by Natalie Portman, the recent Academy Award winner for her role in Black Swan. The camera expertise can be accredited to director Kenneth Branagh, who has starred in Valkyrie, Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets. He has also directed various adaptations of Shakespeare’s works, including Hamlet. Branagh’s Shakespeare influence is evident in Thor through the themes of honor and paternity. These ideals, coupled with the cinematography of the director of photography, Haris Zambarloukos, help to create a favorable and entertaining blockbuster. The movie presents a typical hero figure with a couple of twists. For one thing,
Thor begins with the power of a God but has it taken away by his father, Odin, as a result of his glory-seeking recklessness. Thor is also banished to Earth and found almost immediately by a group of scientists including Jane Foster (Natalie Portman). The scientists help to rehabilitate him, though shortly after their well-being is threatened by a mysterious government agency and Thor must rise above his own desires to protect his new human friends. He must also protect his father and those on his planet who are being threatened by his brother, Loki, and a horde of monsters yet to be defeated. Throughout the movie, Thor’s main goal is to learn how to be a king rather than just a strong warrior. Loki, the villain, sees this dilemma and capitalizes on it at every turn. In the end, viewers are left with a triumph and cliffhanger that leaves you eager to see what will happen next in Thor’s story. The main selling point for Thor would definitely be action. Through the strategic use of slow-motion and sudden loud bass sounds, the film keeps you on continued on p. 15
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June 9, 2011
Orchestra Spring Concert: Ethereal, Moving, and Dramatic By CHRISTINA SEUNG
On May 18, the IHS Orchestra hosted its second concert at the newly renovated Kulp Auditorium. The concert started with the Boyce Symphony, which consists of three movements. The first movement was light and joyful, the second was mournful, but still airy, and the third was speedy and full of excitement. The most impressive aspect of this performance was the fact that this big orchestra of more than 70 kids succeeded in not dragging down the piece with heavy bow strokes, keeping the lightness intended by the composer. The second piece on the program was “Psalm and Fugue” by Alan Hovhaness. The sound of this piece was simply ethereal. At first, it started out slowly. If any other high school orchestra played this piece, it might put everyone to sleep. However, the IHS orchestra was able to add shape to the composition through crescendos and decrescendos. A bit later, the Fugue comes up, in which each section comes in at different times with the melody. Even though every section was playing something different, it all fit like a jigsaw puzzle, and as a whole orchestra, the piece sounded like the entrance music to Heaven. Then James Eaglesham ’11, the principal cellist, took the stage for his performance of the Saint Saëns Cello Concerto op. 33, first movement. Although he was sick, his delivery of the fast-paced dramatic piece was moving and impressive. The second concerto “A Carmen Fantasy” by Proto was played by Sam Shuhan ’11, the principal bass. Shuhan successfully played the suspenseful and beautiful music with tremendous skill, on a double bass! Following this was the 2nd Movement of Beethoven’s 7th Symphony. In the beginning, after the wind section gives a short leeway to the strings, the string sections start, playing the same rhythms from instrument to instrument. What could have been monotonous made the audience stay on the edge of its seat due to the vivid emotions incorporated by the orchestra. By the middle of the piece, however, the audience began to hear the countermelody, which is incredibly powerful and liberating, compared to the beginning of the piece. Throughout the piece the flutes, oboes and clarinets play beautiful tunes which contrasted nicely with the two other powerful and repetitive themes. The concert culminated with the 4th Movement of Tchaikovsky’s 4th Symphony. As an introduction, Mr. Myers, the orchestra director, told the audience that he would say nothing about the piece, and indeed the piece did speak for itself. Right from the beginning, the cymbal and the high, strong notes jolted the audience. For the most part, this piece was suspenseful, intense and vigorous. There were parts in which the melody was slower and beautiful, but no less powerful. The piece was full of life and the ending was even more amazing. The drums, the cymbals, the winds and the strings all played so energetically and dynamically that as soon as the piece ended the audience jumped to their feet to applaud. The IHS orchestra gave a great last concert of the year—it was delightful, ethereal, suspenseful, dramatic, exciting and impressive.
The Force is with the IHS Band By INGRID SYDENSTRICKER
Right off the bat, the IHS Band started its spring concert with the performance of “Casey at the Bat,” a classic tale of baseball put to music by Randol Alan Bass. The poem, by Ernest L. Thayer, was narrated by William Hefner and describes the story of the Mudville Nine and their attempt to come back in the last inning. Casey, their last hope, is at the bat - the excitement swells, and alas, he strikes out. The music perfectly amplifies, epitomizes, and intensifies the tale. Following the first performance, a whole array of smaller ensembles followed, showing the immense musical talent that our school has. Gabe Millman ‘11 was the first to take the stage and performed “Yellow After the Rain,” a marimba solo by Mitchell Peters. The piece was beautifully mesmerizing and well played. A woodwind quintet followed, with Eleanor Bayles ‘13 on flute, Emily Long ‘13 on oboe, Ian Thompson ‘13 on clarinet, Joon Park ‘13 on bassoon, and Emma OttoMoudry ‘13 on horn. The five performed “The Peer Gynt Suite No. 1, Op. 46” by Edvard Grieg, arranged by Joachim Linckelmann. This famous piece of music was utterly lovely to sit and listen to. The instruments complimented and conversed with each other as they told the story of the
Norwegian vagabond traveler Peter Gynt. “Ritual of the Tribe” by Chris Brooks followed, performed by an eight-person percussion ensemble including Edan Bar ‘13, Eric Crossen ‘11, Anthony Jang ‘11, Eric Juers ‘11, James King ‘14, Siena Schickel ‘13, Jose Sinon ‘12, and Gabe Millman ‘11. And what is better than a full-out percussion ensemble? Pure percussion is bliss. Too bad the piece was only a couple minutes long. For saxophone lovers, a saxophone quartet jazzed up the stage, performing “Diffusion for Saxophone Quartet” by Gordon Goodwin. Will Van DeMark ‘12, Jackie Cornell ‘13, Paul Westin ‘11, and Corey Eaton ‘11 played together, joined by Gabe Millman ‘11 on drums. The entertaining piece included a variety of expressive lines, unique melodies, and fun rhythms. To top off the night, Nicki Zawel, the band director, chose perhaps one of the most epic compositions: the theme from the Star Wars Trilogy by John Williams, narrated by Jordan Matthews. The powerful, majestic, and much anticipated work clearly showed how strong the band program is at IHS (and that John Williams, without a doubt, knows how to compose). So bravo to the IHS Band and director Nicki Zawel: the concert was phenomenal and showed that the band is a force to be reckoned with. Bravo, bravissimo.
Album Review: Tyler “Goblin” By LEO WINTERS
On May 10th came the long-awaited release of the first album on a large-scale record label of (formerly) underground rapper Tyler, the Creator of the Los Angeles-based hip-hop collective Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All (abbreviated OFWGKTA). The album, entitled “Goblin,” was released by XL recordings, which is currently signed with Beck, M.I.A., Radiohead, The White Stripes, and Vampire Weekend, so needless to say Tyler hit it pretty big. Goblin isn’t Tyler’s first album, however. His first was “Bastard,” which he had as a free download online. After “Bastard”’s release, he gained a cult following for his characteristically baritone voice and incredibly vulgar — sometimes shocking — lyrics about rape and murder over heavy bass. Track one of “Goblin” sort of serves as an honestly forgettable introduction as to who Tyler is, but sets the mood well for the rest of the album. The album’s second track, “Yonkers,” is really what transferred Tyler from the underground scene to immense popularity, by means of his music video which goes along with it. He released “Yonkers” in February, and it’s now approaching 11 million views on Youtube. Over the course of the video, Tyler eats a cockroach, vomits it up, gets a nosebleed and then hangs himself, to lyrics which involve killing pop stars such as Bruno Mars and B.O.B. and a ridiculously catchy synth riff. The video’s shocking nature caused it to get spread by word of mouth throughout the Internet.
However, despite the dark content of Tyler’s music, his lyrics always seem to have a sort of humorous, almost sarcastic tone. This is shown on Goblin on tracks such as “Fish” and “B***h Suck D**k”, in which he mocks out the extravagant appearance and womanizing nature associated with typical hip-hop culture. Other key tracks on the album are: “She”, in which Tyler raps about stalking an ex-Girlfriend with a ridiculously poppy R&B chorus sung by fellow OFWGKTA member, Frank Ocean; “Transylvania”, in which Tyler returns to his characteristically graphic, yet smooth and catchy lyrics; “Sandwitches” which has become a sort of anthem for OFWGKTA and their fans, the chorus consisting of just “Wolf Gang” being repeated over and over to a catchy beat played by a synthesizer that sounds like it was taken out of the soundtrack for an NES game; and “AU79”, an impressive instrumental track. My only complaint with the album is that it tries a bit too hard to follow a storyline, putting small exchanges between Tyler and his “therapist” at the end of tracks in an attempt to transition between songs without breaking the conversation Tyler and the therapist are supposed to be having over the course of the album. Near the end of the album, on tracks “Window” and “Golden” the story concludes with Tyler shooting
HELP WANTED The Tattler needs
cartoonists,
several other members of OFWGKTA, and, regretting what he has done, begins to rebel against the therapist who keeps telling him everything’s okay. The therapist then wrestles him into a straight jacket and in a “twist” anyone could have seen from a mile away, the therapist reveals he’s actually been Tyler’s alter ego the whole time. So, Tyler’s first major album was definitely not a letdown, he just needs to focus more on his music than his “mentally unstable” image and making his albums chapters in an ongoing story. I can’t complain though, the album only had a few skip-worthy tracks, and managed to keep me engaged the whole way through. I’m just glad someone is out there providing an alternative to the “Gucci and Sigga-weed” obsessed image that I was afraid had swallowed rap for good.
photographers, and most of all,
writers.
email editor@ihstattler.com for more information
15
October 22, 2010
A&
Album Review: Death Grips “Exmilitary” By DYLAN WELLS
From the heat of Sacramento comes the umpteenth Zach Hill-related group, this one being the least Zach Hill-like. Known for his mad flailing drumming style accompanying the likes of Marnie Stern, Wavves, Hella, and Mick Barr (as well as a handful of solo albums), Zach Hill is one of the most exciting forces in music. As a part of Death Grips, however, it’s easy to forget that he is at all related. Death Grips is comprised of three or four people, the only named member being Zach. From what I can understand from various blogs, Death Grips is just some of Zach’s friends, and all of them have equal participation in the writing/recording/producing process. The only content on their site pertains to their music. As you can tell, Death Grips likes to be known as a group that makes crazy music and not as an outspoken social networking group of people. You may be asking, “Well, that’s nice and all, but what do they sound like?” The mixtape is titled Exmilitary and militaristic rap is the easiest way to describe their sound. Most of the songs are yell-rapped and the instrumentals are very intense, with plenty of glitchy synthesizers and drums. With the exception of their most popular song “Guillotine,” the songs are densely packed with synthesizers, distorted vocal clips, and samples of the likes of Pink Floyd, Link Wray, and Black Flag. For those who listen to music with screamed or yelled vocals, the vocal style of Death Grips will be right at home. If you aren’t conditioned to harsh vocals, Exmilitary might feel like being yelled at by a psychopathic hobo for 45 minutes. Songs like “Takyon” and “Klink” have driving percussion in addition to the main drum beat, which makes the songs louder and more energetic. On the whole the mixtape is very loud, and joins the Odd Future gang in the new “mosh rap” style of music, which is not as weird as it may seem: it’s violent rap that demands a violent response on the listener’s end. It’s perfectly viable for both rap kids and punk kids to listen to. When I first heard “Guillotine” I wasn’t sure what to make of it. The sparsest song on the album, it has a slow bass-snare-snare drum beat, a chorus
that goes “It goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes guillotine YAH,” and what sounds like a motorcycle changing gears as part of the melody. It was really weird, but I liked it enough to check out the rest of the mixtape. Now, as I’m listening to it more and more, I can’t help wanting to go wild in a crowd while this blasts out of the speakers. Just like moshing to punk, the correct body response to Death Grips is a primal one.
THOR
a n a l d P n a T R ! A m SM E pro F A S
continued from p.8
the edge of your seat during just about all of the fighting scenes (which are in great abundance). The storyline isn’t bad, either; an appropriate use of comedy and drama is used throughout and the dialogue never becomes too campy. The storyline was already present in the comic book, so filmmakers can’t take all of the credit. Nevertheless, Thor received very favorable reviews, such as a fresh score of 78 from Rotten Tomatoes and an 81% approval rating from the general public. All in all, Thor is yet another successful,actionpacked Marvel hero movie, yet a bit forgettable. I would recommend this movie to anyone who enjoys action, though it doesn’t present much hearty content for an impassioned discussion afterwards.
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The Dan Fravil Ithaca Relays By EMMA PRESTON
The Ithaca Relays have been a tradition and a highly enjoyed event by all for many years. Some years there’s rain, some years snow, and some years there are spectators dripping in sweat, but no matter what, the Relays have always been meticulously run and extremely competitive. This year marks the renaming of the event to the Dan Fravil Ithaca Relays, after the beloved Coach Dan Fravil who passed away unexpectedly last September. The spirit and the competitive edge was the same as any other year in spite of this, and all remembered Dan Fravil fondly during the tenminute intermission. During this time, IHS cross country and track runner Liam Cody ‘11 spoke about Coach Fravil. Geoff Preston ‘11, who has been a track athlete for four years and a cross country runner for one comments, “It was well done and a great way to remember Coach.” The Relays have always been known for running very smoothly without any glitches; therefore, this year Coach Parker joined the other track coaches in making sure this claim remained true. Aside from one minor issue in keeping
score, the meet was run fluently. Coach Parker, Coach Hunter, Coach Baker, Coach Erin, and Coach Drew all attributed this to the excellent planning. The temperature this year was unseasonably cold, with showers passing through the area. In spite of the weather, 21 teams from assorted distances traveled to the Little Red track to compete. Relay track meets are different from any other because every event is a relay made up of four runners for track events and two throwers/ jumpers for field events. On the girls’ side, Vestal took first, Elmira Southside took second, and the IHS girls took third, followed by Newark Valley, Oneonta, Horseheads, and Union Endicott. On the boys’ side, due to a scoring error, the results are unavailable. A unique tradition of the Ithaca Relays is to sell red and gold t-shirts, along with giving specialized t-shirts to the first-, second-, and third-place winners in all events. When traveling to other track meets throughout the season, athletes wear their shirts with pride to show that they have achieved something at the Ithaca Relays. We look forward to next year, no matter what the crazy weather may bring us, and hope that the Ithaca track and field team can take back our first-place title.
Wacky Sports: Fistball, the Counterpart of Handball By DYLAN KAISER
By now, all of you have heard about a popular sport called handball. But what about its fist counterpart? Some of you who are reading this article may be thinking that I am crazy for saying that handball has a counterpart, but there is one: it is called fistball. Fistball is a popular sport for those who know about it; it isn’t known globally, but it’s a lot like sports that we know today. This sport is played mainly where it was invented: Europe. One of the sports that fistball is based off of is tennis. This is because it is played a lot like tennis and volleyball, only with different rules. The object of the game is to hit the ball over the net - but the amount of hits are limited since only five players can hit the ball three times before the play is over. Also, you can have up to one bounce before striking the ball a second time. Although the sport is unknown to a lot of the world, millions of people play it. There is even a fistball world championship (which is mostly made up of European competitors). One of the best placing countries in the world is Germany. Germany has won eight championships in a row (if you count West Germany). Just like the Olympics, fistball also has world games that compete once every
four years. These take place one year after the most recent Olympic Games take place. Fistball was first introduced by the Roman Emperor Gordian III in 240 A.D. This is the earliest year historians found have found involving fistball. In the year 1555 A.D., Antonius Scaiono rewrote the games for fistball. Then in 1786 Johann Wolfgang Goethe introduced the game into Verona Italy (even though Johann was German). So far there have been three types of fistball world tournaments. These are the Fistball World Championship for Men. Another version has the same rules but it is only for women. There is also a version called the world games for both men and women. The game spread when Germany brought it to South Africa, South America and emigrants brought it to the U.S.A. Fistball can be played on a soccer field (if you can get a net on it). Although some people in the United States play this sport, it remains unknown to most of the country. This game shows the connection from volleyball to tennis. So basically, fistball is a “combination sport” , meaning that it is like two or more sports merged into one sport. For those of you who are reading this and want to know when the next world fistball games takes place, it will happen in the year 2013 and will take place in Cali, Columbia.
Man vs. Horse Marathon Unveils Surprising Results By JADE FANG
Usually, sports that are not considered mainstream are thought of as “strange” or “wacky” if people can’t pin-point the athletic ability needed to be a participant. A prime example is cricket in America (or the idea of cricket in America). But sometimes, a sport may be considered weird because its entire concept seems preposterous. Enter the Man vs. Horse Marathon. The notion that a human is able to outrun a horse at any distance, much less a 22-mile race over rugged terrain, was silly…until it happened. Twice. While traditional sports involving horses usually have the horses carry jockeys across the finish line, this sport has them racing along the same track as human marathon runners. Each year, the event takes place in Llanwrtyd Wells, a small town in the parish of Llanwrtyd in Powys, mid-Wales. The quest to find out which is faster over open country – man or horse – originally took shape in a pub. The first event was held after Gordon Green, then landlord at the Neuadd Arms in Llanwrtyd Wells, overheard a discussion about whether a man could ever match or even beat a horse in a cross-country race. The claim was that, over such a long distance, man was equal to horse. Over flat terrain a horse should easily win. But in open country? Green decided to put the matter to the test. The race route heads northeast out of the town square, but soon turns onto hillside and rough forest tracks. Competitors have to cross two rivers and climb more than 3,000 feet. Runners start out 15 minutes before the horses to avoid any accidents at the beginning, but all competitors are running against continued on p. 17
17
October 22, 2010
Behind the Electrolytes: The Truth Behind Sports Drinks By SIENA SCHICKEL
another bottle of pop you’re drinking, with the falsely advertised implication that you’ll become an awesome athlete who sweats neon colors as you shoot a dozen hoops. And by real athletes, yes, that does include those in Varsity sports. Another problem that is being seen more and more throughout the U.S. is the confusion between Gatorade and energy drinks. Some people use the terms synonymously, which would of course lead them to believe that energy drinks are just as healthy as Gatorade and should be given to little kids to help them become amazing athletes. This notion is completely false and should never be supported. Energy drinks like Monster and Red Bull should never be given to children, and are generally unhealthy. Studies have shown that energy drinks do increase mental performance and muscle endurance, but the same studies show that too much of it will cause symptoms like anxiety and insomnia. Of course it will. It has three times more caffeine in it than the same amount of cola, and some energy drinks such as Vodka Red Bull even contain alcohol. I may be old fashioned, but there’s no possible way that I’m wrong when I say that water will eventually hydrate you. Athletes do drink plain old water- they can get those electrolytes by eating food later. So next time you ask for a six-pack of your favorite flavored Gatorade, keep in mind that only hard work and exercise will make you an awesome athlete. Not a bright blue bottle of electrolytes.
It’s the start of a new sports season and parents and high school athletes begin to raid stores for various types of sports and energy drinks, cringing at the prices and the sound of parents repeating the phrase, “But it’s good for you!” Yes, well so is candy, if you don’t eat a whole bag of it. The truth is that drinks like Gatorade and Powerade are simply not intended to be considered as an equivalent to water, and yet it is poured on football coaches after winning a big game like it was water. Gatorade was created to rehydrate athletes who have done a hard workout for at least an hour and a half. Somehow, I don’t think they expected it to land in the T-ball fields or the elementary school soccer field when they first started out. Now Gatorade is sold everywhere, advertising its awesome electrolytes, minerals, and flavors. Don’t get me wrong; I love Gatorade, especially on hot days when drinking gallons of water just isn’t enough, but there’s a reason it takes so little sports drink to do the job of so much water. What people need to understand is the rational they’re using to buy so much Gatorade or Powerade. If you’re not actually exercising, sports drinks are similar to soda without the caffeine, full of delicious carbohydrates, artificial flavoring, and calories. Real athletes need all of those things, making Gatorade the perfect drink for them, but for everyone else, it’s just
Sports in Ithaca: Do we Care? By GEOFF PRESTON
From the Ivy-covered towers of Cornell to the beautiful overlook of Cayuga Lake on the IC campus, certain things have always been more important to Ithacans than others. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that education is of the utmost importance to the fabric of Ithaca’s existence. Without Cornell or Ithaca College it is reasonable to infer that Ithaca would be like any other small, rural, dairy farming town that dominates Upstate New York. The collegiate atmosphere is what makes a region seem worldly (and we all know how Ithacans love feeling important enough to call themselves “worldly”). I have been an Ithaca resident for all 18-plus years of my life, and I have not caught the bug. Of course I go to all my classes, try hard to get good grades — but an A- isn’t the end of the world; in fact, it is an outright cause for celebration. I’m not going to Cornell or any other Ivy League school, and that in itself makes me different from many of my classmates. While other kids memorized the Periodic Table of Elements, I was immersed in what Derek Jeter’s batting average was in 1999 (.349) and reciting all of the Buffalo Bills’ starting offensive line (too many combos to name). As I grew up and became more observant, I started to realize that the very thing I love is the thing that many don’t care much about. Now I feel the need to preface this argument by saying that Ithaca has about 30,000 residents and 30,000 more college students. That is a 60,000 resident city that can’t be lumped into one group. It is insulting and not very intellectually solid when that is done (maybe the biggest crime in Ithaca). That being said, I am willing to infer that the majority of Ithacans put many other things before sports. With the exception of Cornell hockey, which seems to have more of a cult
following, not a lot of sporting events on the hill are filled to capacity the way we see in other college towns. You may be saying, “What about basketball?! We filled Newman!” The fans filled Newman Arena during the Ivy League championship run, but that is only because special things where happening with the team. The true test of a fan base is how often they show up when the team isn’t very good. I was at Newman during those runs of Ivy League championships, and I was there this year when the arena was halfway empty and you could hear a pin drop. Trust me when I say Ithaca is far from a basketball town. And have you ever been to a Cornell football game? I rest my case. What about the other hill? Is Ithaca College a beacon for sports fans? If there is a sports hub in Ithaca, IC would be it. The Park School of Communications has turned out Baseball Tonight host Karl Ravech and other producers who have gone on to work at ESPN. The football games are about as attended as well as any Division III game, and the fans are known for bringing passion and energy. Other sporting events are more sparsely attended but we have to remember that Ithaca College is a Division III school, which means they might have a quarter of the athletic budget of a Division I school like Cornell. The student body on Ithaca College’s campus seems to legitimately care about not only IC sports, but other professional sports teams. Any time I am on campus and I see classes changing, there are as many Yankee or Mets hats as there are IC hats. There are radio shows based solely on sports on Ithaca’s South Hill, which isn’t true on the other hill. While IC is still steeped in academia, it appears that they have at least seen how sports can positively affect a community. Now, for the final aspect of our Ithaca community: the very high school where we walk, talk, and
drink our double pump mocha soy lattes. How do we view sports, you know, when we aren’t busy looking down on the B students? If you have ever been to a basketball game, you can answer this for yourself. In the middle part of the last decade, Madison Square Garden was like a red carpet. The Knicks were historically bad, and the only reason people went to the Knicks games was to be seen by the New York tabloids and socialize with their friends. That is a microcosm of our basketball games at IHS. A hundred or so people show up and at any time ten are looking at the court. People can go and not tell you who won after. Other high schools have student sections; how cool would it be to have a student section? From the time I got to IHS to now, the famous Red Zone at hockey games has gone from a unifying force that offered a distinct home ice advantage to a nonexistent group of sitting-down students. It is pathetic to see what the Red Zone has become. If people stopped worrying about Cornell vs. Brown for two seconds in this high school, they might realize how powerful and unifying a force sports can be. Nothing in the world brings people together and invokes civic pride the way that sports do. A lot of people could benefit from some civic pride, and an excuse to let loose and cheer can’t hurt either. Ithaca has always had an impression of itself as being bigger than Upstate New York, but when it comes to sports, Ithaca comes up rather small. Yes, there are people in this town who love sports more than they probably should, but ask anyone about what cultural values Ithacans hold dear and sports won’t be too high on many lists. It’s been 18 years here, and while I love Ithaca for its pristine natural beauty and its marvelous addiction to bringing in different cultures and experiences, I will not miss the way most people in this town view sports.
MAN VS HORSE
continued from p.16
the clock. As paths narrow and overhanging tree branches crowd in on the competitors, the horses may begin to slow. Steep and often rocky descents can also hamper their progress. The highest peak of the race is 1,640 feet! Nevertheless, horses were the undisputed victors for the first 24 Man vs. Horse Marathons, even when the course was changed to give runners more advantage. Finally, on the 25th race in 2004, a man finally won with a record time of 2 hours, 5 minutes and 19 seconds. It was the first time a person has beaten a horse in a race. The 31-year-old runner from south London blasted through the course, beat the horse runner-up by over two full minutes, and picked up a prize of £25,000 – then the biggest unclaimed prize in British athletics. His record has not been exceeded to date. A second runner, German Florian Holzinger, was victorious in 2007 with a time of 2:20:30, 11 minutes ahead of the nearest horse. After those successes, bookmakers increased the odds on runners winning. In the days when horses dominated the race, they used to offer odds of 33 to 1 against a runner winning. The odds have now fallen to 5 to 1. This annual duel helps fuel long-held debates over the relative merits of man and beast over set distances. Jesse Owens, the star athlete who won four golds at the 1936 Olympics, raced a horse over 100m, later that year, and won. However, he suggested afterward that he won because the horse had been frightened by the starter gun, while other reports claimed he was given a head start. More recently, in April 2007, a wing for the South African rugby team, Bryan Habana, raced a cheetah. Although Habana was given a 30m start over 100m, the cheetah, who was chasing an eight-pound leg of lamb, still won. Interestingly, game wardens with tranquillizer guns were posted around the track to ward off the cheetah in case she decided to chase Habana instead of the lamb. Its wackiness aside, the Man vs. Horse Marathon shows that humans really are excellent distance runners when compared to almost any other animal on the planet. Although we’ve only won the race twice so far, the fact that we can compete foot to hoof with an animal that is designed to run is an incredible one.
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Shopping Visiting Friends & Family School Job Hiking Doctor, dentist Movies A lift for you and your bike Riding just for fun Stewart Park Buttermilk Falls Shops at Ithaca Mall The Commons Sciencenter Museum of the Earth Public Library Cornell, IC, TC3 GIAC CSMA Cooperative Extension Ludgate Farms Johnson Museum Sapsucker Woods Lab or Ornithology Cornell Plantations History Center
the 2011 TCAT Summer Fun Pass Summer Adventure Awaits! You don’t need a car or to beg Mom and Dad to be your chauffer. With 34 routes operating 22 hours a day, a TCAT bus most likely can get you to your summer job, classes, the pool, the park, the mall, or to wherever you want to go. The TCAT 2011 Summer Fun Pass entitles school age students (ages 6 17) to unlimited rides on any TCAT bus within Tompkins County from July 1 through September 6. The summer pass only costs $50. Think how much you will save you and your parents on gas money! You can buy or recharge your summer pass via a Tcard, prox chip fob or sticker to get you on the bus. Just go to www. tcatbus.com and click “Ride” on the drop down menu. You can also buy and recharge online or via phone at 277 RIDE (7433). Or, you can buy a new Tcard at 20 TCAT outlets throughout Tompkins County. Never traveled on a TCAT bus before? No worries. Just click on “Learn” on the TCAT web site or give us a call. Our customer service representatives will be happy to answer your questions and figure out the best routes for you to take to get you to your destination. It’s an affordable, safe, reliable and fun way to be independent. On the go? Get TCAT schedules from your cell phone: http://tcat.nextinsight.com/wml
277-RIDE (7433) | www.tcatbus.com ADA Paratransit Service: 273-1878 • TDD: 277-9766
Quiz: Where Should You Go over Summer Vacation? By ANNELISE RAYMOND and NAOMI RAYMOND
1) Which foreign delicacy would you be most willing to try? a. escargots b. astronaut ice cream c. coconut milk straight from the coconut d. dog meat e. fried elephant seal meat 2) Which musical instrument do you wish you could play? a. the piano b. the guitar c. the reed harp d. the wooden flute e. the triangle 3) You have to write a creative essay for English. What do you title your piece? a. “How Monsieur Dada Discovered the French Fry” b. “Making Banana Peel Sculptures” c. “The Green Starfish Gods Under the Sea” d. “Awakening the Terracotta Soldiers” e. “Growing Up in a Penguin Family” 4) What’s your favorite post-picnic activity? a. walking your dog on the shores of Cayuga Lake b. playing frisbee c. tanning in the sun d. flying a kite e. playing with water balloons
5) What’s your favorite fashion accessory? a. your designer jeans b. your Birkenstocks c. your polka-dot bikini/speedo d. your flower-print sundress/Hawaiian shirt e. your Ugg boots/cowboy boots 6) If you had to rename yourself, which name would you choose? a. Antoine/Clarisse b. Kip/Wren c. Ken/Ariel d. Ben/Lily e. Damon/Celeste 7) What would you choose to paint in Studio Art class? a. a bustling outdoor café b. a serene lake with mountains reflected in the water c. a cartoon-y rendering of dolphins and fish near the seashore d. an obscure landscape of vertical, weird-shaped mountains capped with mountaintop pagodas e. a wheat field blanketed in snow 8) What’s your favorite “stupid” quote from the list below? a. “I believe that mink are raised for being turned into fur coats and if we didn’t wear fur coats those little animals would never have been born. So is it better not to have been born or to have lived for a year or two to have been turned into a fur coat? I don’t know.” – Playboy Bunny Turned Actress Barbi Benton
Problems of the Month Email your name and answers to backpage@ihstattler.com for any of the following by June 15th for a chance to gain eternal fame and recognition. 1. What Asian man, who was not named Woodrow Wilson, had Fourteen Points? 2. What author published a short story about a cursed bottle that granted wishes, could sentence an unlucky owner to eternity in Hell, and had to be sold at a price lower than the one at which it was bought? 3. What mathematical shape is composed of equilateral triangles and is peculiar due to its limited perimeter but unlimited area? 4. What is the scientific name for the number of times a cell can divide before it must stop? 5. You have ten stacks of ten coins each sitting in front of you. Nine stacks contain genuine American quarters, while the tenth contains fake ones; unfortunately, you don’t know which stack is fake. You do know, however, the weight of a genuine quarter, and that each fake half-dollar weighs exactly 5 grams more than a real one. Using your handy-dandy triple beam balance, how many different weighings must you do to determine which stack contains the fake coins? How do you do it?
WRITE for The Tattler
b. “I have a great feeling for the soil. My brother is the leading conservationalist in the world, and I just love sitting on my bulldozer and experiencing nature.” – Golf Star Gary Player c. “It wasn’t a shark attack but a shark accident. More than likely he ran into [the swimmer’s] leg and got it caught in his mouth.” –Joe Rubio, South Padre Island, Texas d. “Beijing Plans Spontaneous Celebration.” Headline, The Times (UK) e. “Free Advice: Bundle Up When Out in the Cold.” Lexington (Kentucky) Herald-Leader *All quotes courtesy of The Lexicon of Stupidity by Ross and Kathryn Petras 9) Which Broadway show would you most want to see? a. Les Misérables b. Avenue Q c. The Little Mermaid d. Chess e. The Fantasticks 10) When you were little, what would you build out of legos? a. Something pre-structured from the package, like the Eiffel Tower or the Knight Bus b. A log cabin c. A castle d. A street with little houses all lined up in a row e. Animals Which letter did you get the most?
Mostly a’s — Bienvenue à Paris! Ride up the Eiffel Tower, visit the Louvre, and go shopping on the Champs-Elysées for your new favorite pair of designer jeans! Mostly b’s — You’re an outdoors-y person! Spend your summer camping at Yellowstone National Park, snapping pictures of buffalo, watching Old Faithful erupt, picnicking by the lakes, and riding horses along scenic mountain trails. Mostly c’s — No one’s too old for a Disney Cruise! Enjoy magic-themed stage shows, chat with Donald Duck and Cinderella while lounging on the sunny golden beaches of Caribbean islands, and play on the water slides on deck. Down to the sea you go! Mostly d’s — Visit someplace exotic this summer! How about Beijing? Hike the Great Wall, visit the Forbidden City, and enjoy a bowl of noodles from a downtown street vendor. Learn some Chinese. Mostly e’s — Be an adventurous sunbird, and go to Antarctica this summer! Contrary to popular belief, there’s plenty to do: visit Iceberg Alley, go ice-climbing on incredibly steep glaciers, experience elephant seals up-close, kayak in freezing waters and take a dip in volcanic thermal waters of Deception Island. You could go running in sub-zero temperatures and wouldn’t even break a sweat!
Horoscopes Gemini (May 21 to June 20): Today you will meet with a potential romantic interest. If you’re not on full alert for the entire day you may miss them. Cancer (June 21 to July 22): Summer vacation will bring good fortune in the form of a potentially romantic friend - several friends, in fact. Even if you’re careful, you may find yourself in the middle of a hopelessly tangled love net. Leo (July 23 to August 22): Many opportunities will present themselves to develop your relationships with your friends. Keep your chin up and eyes open, and always be on the lookout for a “kick me!” sign taped to your back. Virgo (August 23 to September 22): A sympathetic teacher will try to give you some aid on your English final. It’s time to ask yourself: is it worth footsying them?
Dear Guru-Z,
Libra (September 23 to October 23): A parking lot you don’t usually visit will be the site of a strange meeting. A friend who has a secret agenda may be using hanging-out time as a cover-up. Stay wary. Scorpio (October 24 to November 22): You will remember a convenient formula on an upcoming math test, only to be thwarted by confusing notation. Ah, trigonometry! Sagittarius (November 23 to December 21): You may soon find yourself partying on a Friday and looking forward to the weekend. Be careful that you don’t let things pass you by in the heat of things. Capricorn (December 22 to January 19): You will learn something important relating to your math final. Unfortunately, the time is not guaranteed. Aquarius (January 20 to February 19):
Ask Guru-Z...
Help! Summer’s about to start and I don’t have any friends. How can I get friends, fast? How can I avoid attracting my parents’ attention when they notice I’m not ever hanging out? What do I do?!
-Friendless at IHS
Dear Friendless, It seems to me like you need lots of clarification about how to become popular. Here are some pointers: 1. Facebook Facebook is where teenagers do everything social, and that includes making new friends. Find some people with whom you have mutual friends (any number of mutuals is okay, though in your case I’d probably shoot for five) and friend-request them. If they don’t accept (or send you a message asking who you are), spam them with passive-aggressive messages, and maybe offer some bribes. You’ll get new friends in no time. If you don’t yet have an account (or enough friends), request some people (like old teachers) who will feel guilty if they don’t accept. 2. Talk to Your Guidance Counselor First, find one of those charts that conveniently lists your counselor by your last name, since you never talk to them anyway. At the first opportunity, angrily storm into their office. Bump into furniture, throw something breakable, and then scream, “It’s your fault! It’s all your fault!” or something similar. Drop some swears if you feel confident. Isn’t getting you friends their job anyway? Wait, then why am I answering this question?
A significant financial transaction may come your way in the coming weeks, depending on the path you choose. After all, only a few paths have bills lying on them. Pisces (February 20 to March 20): A famous political figure will appear to you in a dream. Unfortunately, imaginary politicians lie just as much as real ones. Aries (March 21 to April 19): Summer will wrap you in its warm embrace and give you absolute bliss for two short months. Until then, good luck on the finals and keep chugging coffee. Taurus (April 20 to May 20): The stars broadcast a happy change in your upcoming fortunes. Someone you secretly dislike will suffer an accident and have to wear a cast for several weeks; perhaps it’s your dormant powers finally waking themselves.
Chilean Mining Rescue
Magic Cards
Mallowmar Season
“I’m not a witch.”
Sweaters
Whatever. 3. Join Clubs/Groups You sound like you might have lots of free time this summer, so find things to do! Shared interests are great for forging new ties between people. With options like knitting, dog fighting, and Extreme Dungeons and Dragons, you can’t go wrong. What’s even better is that all the people who go to clubs just to make new friends are probably even more desperate than you are, so you won’t have to do so much work. 4. Learn When and How to Approach People Crowds of new friends are just waiting for you to go up and introduce yourself. First, get rid of your fear of approaching people with something manly: do some push-ups, go jogging, or do something else to build up your muscles. With bigger muscles, people will have a harder time turning you down, and your selfconfidence will take leaps and bounds. Now you’re ready! Walk up to someone sitting in the library’s Zone of Silence during your lunch period and start passing them notes. Don’t get discouraged if they give you dirty looks or otherwise try to indicate that they loathe you. If they didn’t want a written conversation, why would they be in the no-talking zone anyway? 5. Start Dating This might sound like kind of a big step for you, but just think about it a little. If you start dating someone, it opens up an entire field of people who will automatically have to at least pretend to like you. If your relationship goes on long enough and your eventual breakup isn’t messy (you’re in high school. Did you expect it would work out?), then they might still feel obligated to be friends with you, or even better, genuinely appreciate you for the bookish loser you truly are.
Fake (Canadian)
Yours truly,
Thanksgiving
LOLcats
Oatmeal
Action Script
Bar Mitzvahs
The Letter “Y”
Guru-Z
Sudoku Solution:
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