INNER LIGHT MInistries Journal Volume 21 Number 1
The Awakening
April, 2009
Experience
by Jim Gordon, President of ILM
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(from Fulfilling Life’s Journey, November 16, 2008)
e are generally aware of just a small part of our soul’s spiritual journey. For the most part people are aware only of the physical journey, and they are actually aware of just a very small part of that. It’s at the first breath that the journey begins in the physical form here. At the first breath, the soul enters the physical body and begins to have experience in this physical form that it has taken on. And then throughout its time of existence in the physical body the soul is having opportunity to learn, to grow, to experience that which it experiences in the physical world, as well as in the imagination, in the emotions, and in the mind. However, before the soul comes into the physical body it knows itself more completely than it does once it gets here, because it is in the spiritual state, not in the physical; it’s in its ‘original state’. And when we take that first breath and enliven this physical body, we begin to forget the truth of who we are. We forget about where we came from, and we get totally involved in this physical creation and this physical body. We go into a state of forgetfulness, and we live that way throughout most if not all existence of this physical body – unless we continue to look inward and upward to ‘wake up’. For the most part when people take embodiment in the physical form, they get caught up in the mind, the emotions and the body, and they begin to focus down and out into the world and get totally involved in the physical … however that is good because that is what the soul came down here to do, to have experience in the physical. So, it’s best that since that’s what we are here to do, to do it fully. And so in order for us to do it fully, we go into a state of forgetfulness. We forget who we are as soul. We forget who we are in our original state. And we just begin to live this life, this life in the physical. But there are those in the world who have completed so much of their soul’s journey, from one
physical embodiment to another, that they begin to go back inside and to remember. There’s a remembering that begins to take place. “I know I’m more than this physical body. I know that I’m more than this. How am I going to find out about what else there is?” The Path of Sound and Light that we share here in ILM is just that ‘how-to’. It’s a path of remembering, of remembering who we truly are, of remembering where we truly came from. And in that remembering we can begin to wake up here and now, while still in the physical form, and to know the truth and live the truth of who we are. And then at the time we take the last breath, we just continue the journey that we know we are already on. There are so many people in the world today who don’t know if the journey continues after the last breath until they take it. And that’s all just fine. It’s the way this creation is set up. But it is wonderful when you know by personal experience that there is more to life than this physical form, and that life continues after the last breath. When we don’t know, then we live in a state of fear. There’s a fear of the unknown. That unknown leaves a great question, and we all want the question answered sooner rather than later. But so many people have to wait until that last breathe to know: as we take the last breath in the physical form, do we keep on going or not? The only way I have ever found to get that question answered is to go inside: to let go of ourselves physically, to let go of ourselves imaginationally, emotionally, and mentally, and to rise up in meditation and connect back to the “seat of the soul.” This is the way to wake up once again to that truth that we came into this body with the first breath, but that we also still reside in the spiritual realms right now, except that we are separated from it by our mind. It is only through meditation that we can rise above the mind and all the structures of the physical form and wake up once again to that truth. And therefore we come to know that truth even before (Awakening continues on page 3)
And The Key Is ... by Brian Yeakey, Vice President of ILM
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(from Completion and Fulfillment, December 7, 2008)
hate it here, that this is an evil place. It’s terrible; why am I even here to begin with?” And so it’s important to watch our inner attitudes about how we even look at this experience, because it’s those negative attitudes that can actually get us more entangled in the journey and hinder the process somewhat. If we are making this journey, it’s important to be aware of our inner attitudes and how we are looking at all of life; that is as we approach this journey of return we don’t look at it as ‘getting rid of’, as an “I’m over this” type of a process. Rather, it makes the journey smoother to be loving each and every moment, each and every experience, because the true journey of return is loving. It is the loving that we do inside as we are meditating that allows us to return, that opens the door so that the soul can return, so that the soul can awaken to the greater knowing of itself and God.
ne of the things to remember with ILM’s Path of Sound and Light is that this action we are sharing is really about the return of the soul back home into the realms of spirit from which it’s come. Make no mistake about it. That really is the single action that we are doing here on the Path of Sound and Light. That’s it. Now go meditate! But really, that’s it! All the words that we put on it, everything we describe about all the unfoldings, the inner workings, the outer workings, and how to be aware of that, how to pay attention and know what to look for and listen for; all that we cover in ILM is to support what is really going on in this action of initiation and the meditation that we teach to support this action of initiation … and that is the soul’s returning home to God. For those of you who are drawn into this pathway and who have received initiation, it is for that specific reason. The soul of who you are knows when it is time to make that journey home, and so the soul turns and begins to answer the call that God is always issuing forth to all souls on the pathway; and the soul makes that turn inside and begins to now look to Spirit rather than to the world to have experience.
And so it’s important to remember that really this is a path of ease and Grace. And the way it is ‘ease-y’ is to allow Grace to come in by holding our attention on “the Sound and the Light,” that action of God’s Loving that we call the Holy Spirit, the Way, the River of Loving; holding our attention and focus on that is what makes the way easy and Graceful. It’s when we allow ourselves to get caught up in a somewhatnegative focus of, “We have to complete; we have to do something to learn the lesson; we have to get rid of the karma,” that we lose our focus on Spirit. It happens so subtly, but by focusing on the path as a negative in this way we actually focus back into the world. This is a subtle thing and we often miss it, we often are not aware of that turning … where in meditation we are focused inwards and upwards to God, but as soon as we come down and out into the world – what do we do? We literally let our attention go down and out rather than, just as we are finishing our meditation, opening our eyes but keeping centered and focused in Spirit. By keeping centered and focused in Spirit, guess what the Loving does? The Loving comes in and fulfills and brings the karmas to completions.
And so, for those of you who are drawn this way, you are answering that call. You know that there is a movement within you – whether you experience it subtly or loud and clear, whether you have a lot of experience that makes it clear or you have no experience. There is something inside of you that does know when you choose into this direction. But there is also another important part of this journey of return: a big part of what happens is the completing or finishing of karmas, the finishing of lessons, the completing of the experiences that the soul has come into these worlds to go through. It is an action of completion, of finishing things up. For some reason a lot of people tend to see this as a negative: they not only see karma as a negative, but they even see being done with this world in a negative way: “Oh my God, if I’m going home to God that means I
And so that’s the key: when we focus on the Loving, it’s the Loving that completes the karmas. 2
I nner L ight M inistries
Calendar
Classes & Programs: Spring – Summer ‘09 Presented by Jim Gordon and Brian Yeakey in Austin, Texas:
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For additional information, call 512-306-1056.
eekly
Classes:
Jim and Brian’s weekly class is held on Sundays, 3-5 pm at the ILM Center, Franklin Sq. Bldg, 3724 Jefferson, Ste. 100.
Each class includes spiritual teachings, practical exercises, group discussion, and meditation. Jim and Brian help participants to become more deeply aware of the Spirit within. No charge. (ILM Calendar continues on pages 4 - 9)
Awakening (continued from page 1)
There’s a wonderful statement in the Bible in Psalm 23. It starts out: “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” If we can put God first and hold God first, then God will be our shepherd. God will be the one who leads us, calls us, guides us and awakens us. Later in the statement, it talks about walking through the valley of shadows – well, this world is that. This physical body and this physical consciousness live and dwell in the realm of shadows, and particularly in the shadow of the fear of that last breath, of death. This is the valley of shadows and of death; but the 23rd Psalm also says that in walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for Thou art with me. It’s the actual knowing of that; it’s truly awakening to the knowing that God is with you, that the Lord is your shepherd and that the Lord is with you while you’re walking through this valley of shadows. It’s that knowing that allows us to walk through this world and, finally, to take the last breath and go into the next world without fear.
by Jim Gordon
we take that last breath … and then at the last breath, we just take the journey. We continue the journey consciously, knowingly, lovingly, willingly. The first breath and last breath are the same action really, but those who come to understand this are those who have been meditating in this lifetime; those who have gotten the sacred Name of God and have come awake to the spiritual knowing of themselves while in the physical body, the knowing of who they are as soul. There’s a difference with those people compared to the rest of the world, because these know who they are now; and so when they take their last breath they will just continue on their journey in this knowing. For them there is no doubt, there is no fear of death; because in their meditation practice they have come awake, and they have journeyed beyond the physical body and beyond the physical universe and into the realms of soul and spirit. And so they know the truth of where they came from and where they’re going. Whereas for most people, there’s a mental state of wonder, of hope, and of fear as they approach that last breath – because the unknown is still there.
It is through the awakening that occurs in meditation that we know that this taking the first breath into this world, having experience here, and taking the last breath out, is all just experience. It is all a marvelous opportunity to grow and learn and be and move forward into whatever the next step is on this spiritual journey of life.
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ee the Divine in all things and in everyone. And hold the Divine for all things and for everyone so that they may wake up to that. See their loving. See their joy. See their Divine Nature. See their oneness. Hold that for them. – Jim Gordon 3
Experiencing The Divine –
A Meditative Retreat facilitated by Jim
Gordon and Brian Yeakey
2009
In this meditative retreat, Jim and Brian will be taking you
on an experiential journey into the greater knowing of your Divine Nature. They will be sharing about the meditation practice of The Path of Sound and Light to “experience the Divine,” and there will be gracious periods of time for meditation, relaxation, and rejuvenation.
in Hawaii:
St. Anthony’s Cost:
at Saint Anthony’s Retreat Center Honolulu, Hawaii: on Wednesday, August 5 at 6 pm thru Sunday, August 9 at 1:30 pm.*
Double Occupancy (per person) - $350
For more information contact: Laura Doggett at 512-306-1056 or email Laura at ilmadmin@ilm.org.
in England: at Earnley Concourse, Earnley, Chichester West Sussex: on Friday, October 16 at 6 pm thru Monday, October 19 at 1:30 pm.* Earnley Concourse Cost:
For more information contact: Susanne Cook at 01444 870838 or Lynn Johnson at 01903 765928.
To register contact: Single Occupancy - £278 Double Occupancy (per person) - £256 Laura Doggett at 512-306-1056 or email Laura at ilmadmin@ilm.org. * These ending times are approximate. 4
ILM presents:
in Michigan and in Indiana
in Kalamazoo:
Saturday, April 18, 2009
A Ann A Afternoon fternoon with with J Jim im G Gordon ordon and and B Brian rian Y Yeakey eakey Time ime of of Event vent: 1:30-5:30 pm pm* *
at at K Kalamazoo alamazoo C Center enter F For or H Healing ealing A Arts rts
6350 6350 W West est KL KL A Avenue venue,, K Kalamazoo alamazoo D Donation onation
Tuesday, April 21
Potluck Social Evening with Study Group with at
Jim Gordon and Brian Yeakey
Time of Event: 6-8 pm* 4715 Thistle Mill Court, Kalamazoo
(For further information in Kalamazoo, please contact Penny Miller at 269-664-3577or by e-mail at pmiller@mei.net.)
in Ft. Wayne:
Weekends: April 25-26 or May 2-3 Meditation Weekend Workshop with Jim Gordon and Brian Yeakey
Choose one of two weekend workshops at the ILM Midwest Center Time of Events for each weekend: Saturday: Meditation 9 am-12 noon, and Teaching/Q&A from 2-6 pm* Sunday: Meditation 9-11:30 am, and Sharing from 11:30 am-1 pm*
(To register for one of these weekends please contact Steven McAfee at 260-485-2167 or by e-mail at mcafeesa@aol.com.)
Tuesday, April 28 Tuesday Class with Jim Gordon and Brian Yeakey Time of Class: 7-9:30 pm*
Reception eception following following at idwest Center enter, 220 Insurance nsurance Drive rive, Suite uite F, Ft t. Wayne ayne at ILM Midwest (For further information in Ft. Wayne please contact Steven McAfee at 260-485-2167 or by e-mail at mcafeesa@aol.com.) * These ending times are approximate. 5
ILM presents:
Saturday, August 1
in Hawaii
Sharing and Q & A with Jim Gordon and Brian Yeakey Time of Event: 1:30-5:30 pm*
Where: Mig Gaspar’s Home, 59-250 Pupukea Road, Haleiwa Please contact Mig at 808-638-8153 for information and directions.
Sunday, August 2
Q& a
with Jim Gordon and Brian Yeakey
Time ime of of Event vent: 1:30-6 pm*
Where here: Ohana East Hotel, Waikiki, Hawaii Ohana East Lobby Conference Room Park in the Ohana East garage located at 2375 Kuhio Avenue. Parking will be provided by ILM. Donation onation For further information regarding this event please contact Nadine Ferraro at 808-988-7509.
Monday, August 3, 10, and 17
Meetings eetings with with Jim im Gordon ordon and Brian rian Yeakey eakey Time ime of of Event vent: 6 pm pm
Where here: Nadine adine Ferraro erraro’ss Home ome, 2703 Terrace errace Drive rive, Honolulu onolulu Please Please contact contact Nadine Nadine at at 808-988-7509 808-988-7509 for for information information and and directions. directions.
Saturday, August 15 with
Potluck and Meeting
Jim Gordon and Brian Yeakey
Time ime of of Event vent: 5:30 pm pm Potluck otluck 6:45 Sharing and Q & &A
Where here: Mercedes ercedes Home ome, 59-149 Kenui enui Road oad, Haleiwa aleiwa Please Please contact contact Mercedes Mercedes at at 808-927-0988 808-927-0988 for for information information and and directions. directions. * These ending times are approximate. 6
I nner L ight M inistries Calendar Presented by Laura Kesten:
For additional information, call Laura at 512-266-9400 or 512-658-4117 or email: LSKestenB@aol.com.
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Jim and Brian talk about Loving, Acceptance, and Forgiveness in every talk tories Untold: they give. Through our writing in Stories Untold, we first-handedly get to practice and experience Loving, Acceptance and Forgiveness in the events of our lives, letting go of the past so that we can open more fully to the Divine. As a bonus, the process of writing also prepares us in the present, as well as laying a foundation for the future – keeping us more aligned and in the flow of God’s Loving. These weekends are magical! Try it for one weekend and see for yourself. No experience necessary! You just have to show up!
Michigan: JUN 27-JUL 4 (week long) Martha’s Cottage
Saugatuck, Mich.
Indiana:
OCT 16-18
ILM Midwest Center
Ft. Wayne, Ind.
Texas:
MAY 16, AUG 22
ILM Center
Austin
$450 $50
No charge
* * *
Also, in Texas, there is a small group of writers who write 2-3 times a month during the week. This is not a workshop but a time to work on your own writing within a group setting of other writers. We meet from 10 am – 6 pm at Laura Kesten’s home in Lakeway. Please contact Laura for upcoming writing sessions.
ILM Texas Community Movie Nights:
Join Laura Kesten at her home by Mansfield Dam in Lakeway on the 1 Saturday (change in day and time) of every month to watch an uplifting movie. If you have a favorite movie that speaks to you, we can add it to our list. Come early (5 pm) and have a fresh bowl of homemade soup and slice of fresh bread. Movie starts between 6:30 – 7:00 pm. Everyone is welcome. Bring nothing but your beautiful self. No charge. st
APR 4, MAY 2, JUN 6, JUL 4, AUG 1, SEP 5
ILM.org — — the Inner nner Light ight Ministries inistries Website We Have Upgraded The ILM Web Site! To keep up with internet security improvements, we recently upgraded the ILM web site.
There’s a
slightly new format for all the same information, including:
• Jim & Brian’s weekly talks – listen on-line or download to your computer or MP3 • ILM Quarterly Newsletters – the most recent issue as well as archives • Calendar of Events – find out what’s going on by geographic location or by minister
Note to Initiates: If you previously set up a Logon to the Initiates Only section, you will need to re-establish your account. Just click on the Initiates Only link in the menu bar, then click on the word “HERE” at the bottom of the Initiates Only Login Area. Fill out and send the application form. You will get an email notice confirming we received your application, followed, in 5-7 days, by a second email to let you know your access has been granted. Applicants must have completed the initiation process before access can be approved. Check out our recently updated http://www.ILM.org today! 7
(ILM Calendar continues on next page)
I nner L ight M inistries Calendar Presented by Steven McAfee, Midwest Coordinator:
For additional information, call Steven at 260-485-2167 or by e-mail at mcafeesa@aol.com.
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uesday Meditations: The ILM Midwest Center will be open for silent meditation from 6:30 to 7:15 pm. Those wishing to attend are asked to silently enter and be ready to begin by 6:30. After the meditation, participants are free to either leave or to stay for the class immediately following at 7:30. People coming for just the 7:30 class are asked not to enter the ILM suite until 7:15.
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uesday Class Series: Steven offers a series of weekly ILM classes in Fort Wayne on Tuesday nights from 7:30-8:30 pm at the ILM Midwest Center. Each month-long series focuses on our inner awakening to the Divine Loving that is the essence of the Holy Spirit. M : The ILM Midwest Center is open for silent meditation on selected E dates. Those wishing to attend are asked to silently enter, and to be ready to begin by the time listed. Please xtended
editations
note that there will be no teaching or social activity connected with these meditations. APR 4 at 10:30 am – 12:30 pm; APR 7, 14, 21 at 6:30 – 7:30 pm; AUG 16 at 2:30 – 4:30 pm
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ILM ommunity Night:
More fun community nights are on their way! Please RSVP a week ahead so we can plan appropriately. Bring a dish to share. apr 30 7-10 pm Birthday Bash for Jim and Brian ILM Midwest Center No charge It’s a Birthday Bash! Come enjoy the music and fun; the gift of your presence is all that is needed! Jun 5
7 pm
aug 1
12 noon
Board Game/Potluck Night
Dog Picnic/Potluck
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ILM Midwest Center
No charge
Kathy Stark’s place
No charge
“ nner Studies:” These programs are open ONLY to those enrolled in the year-long program.
Meetings:
APR 5, AUG 2
ILM Midwest Center
Weekend Workshop:
JUN 6 & 7
ILM Midwest Center
Donation Donation
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Steven occasionally serves as a guest speaker for various churches and spiritual unday S ervices: groups in the Midwest. The following is presently scheduled: APR 12 (Easter Sunday), AUG 16
11 am
Brigade of Light, Fort Wayne
Donation
Community ILM Seminars and Events Worldwide ILM Activities in Kalamazoo, Michigan:
•
For additional information, call Penny Miller at 269-664-3577 or by e-mail at pmiller@mei.net. G : The Kalamazoo group has meetings, including potlucks and movie nights, peS riodically at three different homes: Judy Richards (ph: 269-349-3943. e-mail: jg.richards@charter.net), tudy
roup
Penny Miller (ph: 269-664-3577. e-mail: pmiller@mei.net), and Carolyn Dailey (ph: 269-327-6851. e-mail: carolee12@chartermi.net). Please call or email for current schedule and directions.
D /P : We’ll gather at 11:00 with dinner at 1:00. Contact Penny (see E information above) to let her know you are coming and for directions. aster
APR 12
inner
otluck
11603 Spring Point Drive 8
Plainwell
No charge
(Worldwide Calendar continues on next page)
I nner L ight M inistries Calendar Community ILM Seminars and Events Worldwide: ILM Activities in Kalamazoo, Michigan continued:
•
For additional information, call Penny Miller at 269-664-3577 or by e-mail at pmiller@mei.net.
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editation And Journaling Workshop: Spend the day in meditation, contemplation, journaling and sharing. Bring a dish to pass for lunch. If it’s nice, we’ll take a boat ride after 4:00. Please call Penny for more information. JUN 20
•
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10 am–4 pm
11603 Spring Point Drive
Plainwell
No charge
ILM Activity in Dallas: Please contact Jason Baker at 972-571-8511 for dates, times and direction.
eeting: Each seminar will consist of a short meditation and the listening to a Class CD by Jim and Brian. The ILM seminars will be held at various locations in the Dallas area. The dates and times for the seminars are yet to be determined. At this time seminars are held on intermittent Sunday afternoons. Please check with Jason for the most current information.
ILM Activity in Los Angeles:
•
Please contact Victoria Eng at 310-980-2224 to RSVP before coming.
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eeting: The focus of each evening is on spiritual awakening, and on supporting one another in experiencing and sharing greater Loving within ourselves and with others. These seminars will be held every other Wednesday at Victoria and Willard Eng’s home in Beverlywood.
Call for dates
6 pm
1. Please contact Nadine Ferraro at 808-988-7509, or 551-3123 (cell) for directions. eeting: Share in a one-hour meditation and fellowship opportunity on:
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Monday evenings
6-7:30 pm
Manoa Valley, Honolulu
No charge
2. Please contact Mig Gaspar at 808-638-8153 for information and directions. eeting: Listen to Jim and Brian’s weekly meditations and talks on:
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Tuesdays evenings
No charge
ILM Activities in Hawaii:
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Beverlywood, Los Angeles
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7 pm
North Shore of Oahu
No charge
3. Please contact Brian Samo Ross at 808-247-3305 or 554-3305 (cell) for directions.
eeting:
Listen to Jim and Brian’s meditations and talks followed by a potluck:
Second Sundays
10 am
Kaneohe, Oahu
No charge
ILM Activity in London, England: Please contact Nanna Brinker at 0207-485-0699 for directions.
•
: Join us in a short meditation and talk by Jim and Brian and share your favorite spiritual M poetry, music and readings. Our ILM seminars are at 42A Montpelier Grove, London NW5, on the following eeting
dates. Sundays 4 pm
APR 5 & 19, MAY 3 & 24, JUN 7 & 28, JUL 12 & 26, Aug 9 & 23 9
No charge
Austin:
ILM Events of 2008
Experiencing The Divine Retreat Stories Untold
Steven’s Workshop Guess who’s B’day
Shopping for Coins For Kids
Pottery Event
Music Night with Steven
Hawaii:
10
ILM Events of 2008 continued
Midwest:
Experiencing The Divine Retreat
Picnic at Kathy Stark’s
Stories Untold
Coins For Kids wrapping party
Spiritual Paths in Ancient Texts Retreat
11
with
Q& A
Jim
and
(from Changes & Growth, November 9, 2008) Something I’ve been working on is detaching from some of the negative ties that are there with my mother. This week when I had opened myself up to some compassion with her, instead I received criticism. And I did not answer her back, I didn’t respond – which is great advice that you’d given me. However today in meditation I was moving into acceptance of that, but there was sort of a grief for what was not there, and a sadness that that absence had put me on a journey of looking to fill that emptiness with loving in sometimes unhealthy ways. Is there anything more you can say about how I could do this process?
Q:
Brian
to recognize that this is an opportunity for you: instead of going and looking and getting it from someone else in the world, realize that now that’s starting to become complete with your mother, which is wonderful even though there is this feeling of mourning or grieving. Understand that that’s just the reflection of the loss of that karma, and now that energy can come back to you so that you can begin to love, accept, and approve of yourself.
A: (Jim) And something else with that too. I learned
A: (Brian) I’d say to keep doing what you’re doing.
It’s the whole thing: Let God, Let go. We’ve talked about it as Let go, Let God, but I’ll say Let God, Let go. When you do focus on God, the letting go takes place, and the nice thing is that when it is done that way, it’s God that replaces that which you’ve let go of. And it’s actually wonderful that you’re feeling this mourning and grieving, which is about letting go; because you see, with every relationship, there is something that keeps the relationship alive, and it’s usually what we call karma. And we are so used to that, that without it we feel like something’s dying or we are losing something; and that’s where the grieving and mourning comes in. Just like when someone physically dies, you know the soul is not here in the physical body anymore. They’re gone but you still mourn the lost relationship. Well, that’s what a lot of karma is: in relationships it’s the karma that often holds them together, and so as that karma releases there’s that loss we experience; so there is a part of us that does go into a grieving or feeling a loss of something, or an abandonment. And the wonderful news is that often in relationships we look for acceptance or approval from others; and so as that relationship begins to change and we loose that, then no longer are we getting acceptance or approval from ‘out there’. This is actually good because what it does is gives us the space by which we’ve got to begin to look inside to fill ourselves with acceptance and approval of ourselves, or else we’ll go look somewhere else out in the world for someone else to accept and approve of us. But that’s the opportunity. So in this case, as an initiate especially, it’s important 12
this in many different ways: as we are growing and we are stepping into that new part of us that is more loving, more open, more vulnerable, more accepting, there’s this part of us that, as we step forward, invites others to step forward with us. We want those close to us to step forward with us, and to find that for themselves. And I have found that a lot of people in my own family just couldn’t do that – they didn’t know how, or they didn’t want to, or they didn’t understand what I was talking about. And finally one day, in a relationship with my brother, I was wanting to share my loving with him and I was hoping to receive loving from him, but also to see change in him, to see transformation in him. I wanted to create a space where he could move into that. And then finally one day I realized that he had his karmic patterns, he had his lessons to live and fulfill, and I was trying to somehow ‘assist’ him in doing it differently than how he wanted to do it. And when I came to the realization – I just let him live his karmas the way he wanted to. I let him approach his unlearned lessons how he wanted to approach them. If he wanted to avoid them – ignore them, that’s fine. If he wanted to do them in a way and still miss the mark and still have to carry them forward in another time, that’s fine. And if he really wanted to step forward and do it and grow and bring them to completion to move free, that’s fine too. And as soon as I realized that he may decide to live his whole life doing the same pattern over and over and over, and complaining about this same pattern over and over and over, I also realized that I could just let him do that and love him in the midst of it all. And then our relationship changed for the better, and it changed (Q & A with Jim and Brian continues on page 15)
Two Recent Talks Now Available The Action Of Initiation and The Power Of The Name Excerpt from The Action Of Initiation:
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hat are these Names of God? When these names are given in initiation, it’s not just the words; it is in truth the hand of God reaching down and cupping under us to bring us Home. So the initiation is the process of us opening to receive that. And then as we chant those names in meditation, it builds the power of the Name. That power is God’s Loving. And so what the hand of God is, is God’s Loving that lifts us up. And as we chant, we awaken ... we awaken to the truth of that power, of that Name, of God’s Loving through that action. And as we do that, we are loving God. That’s what meditation is ... it is loving God.
So the initiation is opening to receive God’s Love. And then being given the tools, the technique, by which we can now love God and participate in that relationship. And so, as we go into meditation and chant these Names of God we have been given in initiation, that is us doing our part, that is us loving the Creator, loving the Master, loving the True Form, which is Loving. – Brian Yeakey Order Information & Postage Payment: Since ILM is a spiritual pathway that is here to assist each person on their journey, our products are all available free of charge. You are welcome to order as many of the titles as you wish with the understanding that we will send you up to two of each item per order. There is a charge of $1.00 per item to cover shipping costs. In addition, donations towards replenishing the CDs and books are gratefully accepted. Checks may be made payable to Inner Light Ministries and sent to: Inner Light Ministries, PO Box 164332, Austin, Texas 78716.
Welcome to Inner Light Ministries! Introductory Packet In this packet you will find ILM’s book Love and Loving, the CD Understanding The ‘Inner’ Pathway, the CD Lotus Meditation, ILM’s brochure Inner Light Ministries Guidelines For Initiation And Initiates, and a copy of our latest newsletter. All of these materials were selected to give a newcomer
a better understanding of who we are and what we’re about. If you would like an Introductory Packet for yourself or someone else, just let us know. Call us, email us, or write us! Feel free to take a look at our website too: www.ilm.org (for more information see page 7). We are happy to do what we can to assist you on your spiritual journey. Blessings of Peace, Joy and Loving To You! Jim Gordon, Brian Yeakey, and The ILM Staff 13
Whose Life
Are You Living?
W
by Steven McAfee, ILM Minister myself, against my self, trying to be true to what others wanted or valued, but not true to what is real for me. I have found that the more in touch I become with who I am, the more I want to express that and live it more fully. For example, I am a vegetarian. Not for health reasons or as an ecological statement. I do it simply because it is natural to me. It is an outflow of the loving I feel inside. It is true to who I am.
hat do you really want? For most of my life, I have wanted to be happy. And I pursued happiness by “following all the rules.” While obeying the rules did often spare me from trouble, it did not bring me the happiness I wanted. Instead, it brought me the pressure to perform well. I sought happiness in the approval of those in authority over me. Mostly what this created was inner stress, a constant anxiety about being good enough and a fear of what failing to do so would mean. I sought happiness in the approval of my peers. Whenever I did not fit in, I would feel depressed about being inferior. Sometimes, in an effort to counteract that feeling, I would find things that I excelled at, so that I could feel superior to those who had not accepted me. This distinction brought me pleasure for a time, but eventually made me feel even more separated … and what I was seeking was connection, not separation. Hoping to find this connection, I always tried to please others, careful never to ruffle feathers or ever appear in an unflattering light. I let my fear of not being happy run my life, and consequently I spent most of my life running away from whatever scared me (and most everything sacred me!); all the while thinking that one day I would have enough courage, enough money – enough of something – that I could finally relax and be myself. Then I’d be happy.
Likewise, to be true to myself, I cannot be unconcerned about the effect my words and actions have on others, because I am concerned about it, and I know I have an impact on the lives I touch. I am responsible for what I do and the effect it has. It is not all about me or all about others. It is about being who I am – not the ego of who I am, but the soul of who I am. What I have discovered is that in every area, from the mundane to the profound, my life is my opportunity to express what is real for me. It is not about adopting a certain philosophy, or becoming part of a certain special group, or even ‘feeling safe’ in the world. It is about being true to my real “self,” that divine spark in me that animates my mind, emotions, and body. It is about living life in a way that naturally flows out of what resides deep within me. My happiness comes, not from doing things the ‘right way,’ not from fitting in, and not from avoiding. My happiness comes when I am being loving, because being loving is the only action, the only way of life that is true to my self. Loving is who I am, what I want, what I am giving, and what I am seeking to receive.
I also tried looking to different philosophies for answers. I was told that it is all about how you treat others – that I would be happy if I put others first and myself last; that was the spiritual way, the way of selflessness. I tried that. It did feel great sometimes, but the longer I did it, the more weary and resentful I became. Other philosophies told me that it is not about others at all. It is all about me. I should do whatever I want and not worry about others – their reactions are their problem, not mine. That left me feeling isolated, self-absorbed, and indecent.
I cannot live my life as someone else. This is the life God has given me to live. I am not here to be Jesus or Gandhi or Larry or Jim or George … or anyone else. God sent me here to be Steven. Not the personality of Steven with all its quirks and idiosyncrasies, but the soul of Steven with all its loving. The question I face is whether or not I am living who Steven is. So how about you – whose life are you living? In finding the answer to that question, you and I will both find the key to the happiness we have always wanted.
The problem with all of the above ways is that none of them are me. I have lived too much of my life against 14
Was It An Accident?
A
by Laura Kesten, ILM Minister
I was amazed at how comfortable I was throwing up in a bucket in my spiritual teacher’s car! I remember laughing between bouts because I thought it was so funny that I didn’t care. It has always been the case that when I’m sick, I milk it for all it’s worth! But, this time, I felt light and giddy. The hospital did a CAT scan which was negative, said I had a severe concussion, gave me medicine for the pain and nausea, and sent me home.
lmost a year ago, right after ILM’s monthly movie night had ended at my house, I was playing with my little Maltese ‘son’, Caper. He has a favorite yellow ball he loves chasing and catching – but he never brings it quite back. He likes dropping it just out of reach so you have to play too. Often times he’ll drop it under our rocking chair or the dining room table. That night the dining room table was his choice. And so, like a good playmate, I got on all fours and went to reach under the glass rectangular table to grab the ball – but instead I plowed into the corner of the table, hitting my forehead really hard. The best way to describe the next feeling I had is recalling the cartoon of the coyote and the roadrunner … where the roadrunner tricks the coyote and the coyote finds himself running off a cliff, stopping in midair, and then when he realizes he’s not on solid ground anymore he looks down helplessly and begins his descent. I remember stopping short, and saying to myself, “I just hit my head.” And as I put my hand to my head I looked down and thought, “Wow, that was really hard. Am I okay?” And then it felt like all these pieces inside my head literally just tumbled down in their descent. It was an interesting feeling really. I got up, I walked around a little; I felt ‘pretty okay’. My husband was out of town, and so I put some ice on my head and went to bed. The next morning I still felt ‘pretty okay’ when I got up, but within the hour I called Jim Gordon and told him I didn’t think I could come to class – I explained to him what had happened and told him I felt a little strange. Jim said that I should go see a doctor and volunteered to take me. I reluctantly agreed … but by the time Jim got to my house, I was crawling around on the floor trying to get dressed and keep myself from either throwing up or passing out.
Q &A
with Jim and
Over the next couple of weeks, I gradually got ‘clearerheaded’ and less ‘head-achy’ – but I also had the most amazing inner experiences. I was acutely aware of my attention going right to my spiritual eye every time I closed my eyes. I shared this with Jim and he told me that I was getting free of a lot of karma all at once. And so – a whack on the head actually did me good! This experience reminded me that when we have ‘accidents’ in life, they are actually all part of our journey. In other words, it’s not an accident when we’re in an accident. Accidents cover more than cars or tables; they also include beginnings and endings of relationships and jobs, bumping into someone you haven’t seen in a long time, a kitten showing up on your doorstep, missing the bus, getting stuck in traffic, etc. These are all things that interrupt our usual flow, but which, if we are paying attention, may bring us more into the flow of Spirit. As Brian says in his article elsewhere in this issue, “It’s in our attitude.” I can’t think of a worse scenario than throwing up in my spiritual teacher’s car, but I decided to milk the gratitude instead of the embarrassment. I paid attention to my outer and inner experiences in spite of my head spinning and my gut wrenching, and I laughed all the way through it. I’d have to say that it was one of the best physical experiences I’ve ever had, because it offered me the opportunity to move more into the flow of Spirit, to open to gratitude, and to keep my attention on Spirit and my inner experiences.
Brian
that was my action of loving and holding for him to live his life the way he wanted it. So I think you are beginning to allow your mother the space to live her life the way she’s going to live it, and she doesn’t have to understand you, or appreciate you, or honor you … just be with you.
(continued from page 12)
not because he changed but because I changed. I got quiet and I just started listening; and in that listening, 15
NNER LIGHT IGHT MInistries Inistries Journal INNER
About ILM I nner Light Ministries (ILM) is a non-profit
organization dedicated to teaching spiritual awakening through an inner practice of meditation. This meditation practice is an inner path through which the soul transcends the physical realms of creation to its true home in the spiritual realms within the heart of God. In spiritual teachings and literature this inner path is often referred to as “The Path of Sound and Light,” “The Path of The Holy Spirit,” “The Path of Love,” or simply as “The Path” or “The Way.” ILM offers initiation into this meditation practice enabling one to fully experience this inner journey of awakening.
Mailing List We have recently converted to a new mailing system. Please check the spelling of your name, street and city. If there is an error, please notify us by phone (512-306-1056), e-mail (ilmadmin@ilm.org) or by mail (PO Box 164332, Austin, TX 78716-4332). Thank you.
To provide support for those individuals interested in this path, Inner Light Ministries offers numerous publications, materials, programs, and services, which encourage devotion to God and support a life-long practice of prayer, meditation, spiritual study, and service.
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Donations Donations to Inner Light Ministries are gratefully accepted, and help us support: 1. ILM events, production of CDs, the ILM Journal, and books. 2. Scholarships toward supporting members taking ILM retreats and workshops. 3. ILM’s Christmas time project: Coins For Kids. Checks may be made payable to Inner Light Ministries and sent to: Inner Light Ministries, PO Box 164332, Austin, Texas 78716. Or to make a donation by credit card, go to ILM’s website at www.ilm.org. Donations are tax deductible.
Main Office: Jim Gordon, Brian Yeakey, P.O. Box 164332, Austin, TX 78716-4332; Financial Office: Tom Beaver, 14618 Mansfield Dam Ct., #16, Austin, TX; Midwest Office: Steven McAfee, P.O. Box 5139, Fort Wayne, IN 46895
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