INNER LIGHT MInistries Journal
Staying Awake
Volume 24 Number 1
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by Jim Gordon, President of ILM
(from Allowing God To Fill You Up, 11/1/05) ruth is everywhere. Loving is everywhere. The spiritual light is everywhere. We can find the light in everything, in everyone, in every place, and in every tradition. We can learn from philosophies, from people, and from the events we experience in this world, but the key for each of us is to follow after our own truth. By honoring it all, by bowing down in Loving to everything, we gain the wisdom, the light, and the joy of whatever we are experiencing in the moment. The Loving will lift us to another level of awareness, of understanding, and of awakening, and we’ll know the Loving is right here, right now, wherever we are. It truly is about accepting wherever we are in our own life, and wherever that is, it’s just perfect.
When I was 26 years old, the doctor told me I had cancer. I knew I had the option to break down, go into a panic, and question, “Why me?” I had some teachers in my physical life that had taught me how to live in sorrow, how to feel sorry for myself and be the victim, so I knew how to do that very well. And yet, in that moment, I knew I didn’t want to do that. As the doctor was sharing with me this news, I began focusing on the Loving. I focused on loving the moment, loving the doctor’s words, loving the doctor, loving the cancer, loving the karma, the judgment, the fear, loving my parents that the loving would help them through this process, and I was loving myself just as I was, cancer and all. That day was really a transformational point in my life because I realized what it was to love everything, everyone, and every situation. To some extent, I’d always done that in my life but never like I was doing in that moment. I awoke to a new level of Loving, of really living in the truth of myself, which is Loving. Instead of looking out into the world for guidance, protection, and understanding, I was looking up only to
April, 2012
my own soul. By choosing my inner light, I experienced how profound and available Loving truly is. Many years later, I had another dynamic experience with the power of Loving. I was driving to my brother’s home when I got a call from his neighbor telling me that my brother had died unexpectedly during the night. Immediately, I felt sorrow, and all the time I was feeling sorry, feeling remorse, and crying, I kept seeing this light shining in me, shining on me. I ignored it. I went into the darkness and into feeling the loss, but this light kept coming in even more. I knew that it was coming from my own soul. I looked up to the light, and said, “Stop it! I just want to be sad right now.” The light started to dim, and I quickly said, “I didn’t mean that.” And the light got brighter again. God said, “Have no other gods before me.” I’d been putting my brother, his death, how I was “supposed” to react and respond to this situation according to the way the world had taught me, before my own truth, before my Loving, before my soul’s light – and I was in pain. When I began to choose into the Loving, into the light, everything became peaceful and quiet, and I actually felt a sense of joy bubbling up from within me. At one point though, I thought, “I can’t be joyful. My brother just died.” As soon as I acknowledged what I was thinking, I heard that still small voice from within, that voice of God, coming through my soul, say, “Why can’t you rejoice for someone coming Home? Why can’t you rejoice for someone who has completed the journey and no longer needs to be in the world? Why can’t you rejoice, for I rejoice that he has left his body and is coming Home. Rejoice. Sing a song. Be happy for him, for he’s happy. Why not you?” And from that moment on, I was fine with my brother’s death. I chose into the joy, into the Loving, and rejoiced for his soul’s return. Our soul’s light, the inner light, is the truth, is the Loving, is God ever present with us all the time. Instead of pushing it away, or being caught up in the world, or in our process, and losing sight of the Loving, we just need to look up, and stay awake to our own inner light.
Be Yourself by Brian Yeakey, Vice President of ILM
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(from Be The Loving That You Are, 5/18/10)
We didn’t need the physical things – the fantasies, the certain feelings that we had, the belief systems, the way we thought things were supposed to be. We’ll come into the understanding, the true understanding, that those were simply just experiences of the material world, and who you are didn’t need any of that. And that’s when we’ll begin to feel freer inside.
here’s a common phrase we’ve all heard of and have tried to adhere to – be yourself. It’s probably the most difficult “frontier” to pursue and understand because it’s not tangible. We can’t say, “One plus one equals two,” when we’re dealing with the human element, when we’re going inside and exploring the inner kingdom. It’s not quite that simple.
Part of learning to be yourself is discovering that some of the beliefs we carry about how to be ‘yourself’, beliefs that we’ve been taught, or beliefs that the world runs, or that the people around us run, aren’t necessarily so. Just because someone says it, or it’s written somewhere, doesn’t mean it’s true. Think about all the things that have been written down that you’ve read or heard spoken in the world that aren’t true. You’ve heard the verse from John 8:32: “The truth will set you free.” Well, if everything were true, then why aren’t we all experiencing more freedom more of the time?
In fact, it’s hard to be ourselves when we don’t even know who we are. Most of us are taught to focus out in the world, to do things outside ourselves. We’ll go to school, we’ll read books, we’ll explore all the different spiritual and personal growth groups in hope of discovering how to be ourselves. We’ll study how to do in the world, how to have in the world, how to be in the world. Many of us have been so busy in the world trying to demonstrate and prove ourselves so others will love and accept us that we haven’t given ourselves a chance to love and accept our own selves.
There are steps to this journey. Maybe you’ll need to do more of the inner kingdom work – more of getting to know, understand, love and accept yourself; learn more about the beliefs you’ve been carrying about yourself; learn more about what you carry out into the world; and learn more about what and where your focus is. Ask these questions, “Would I rather live my life on beliefs, or would I rather live my life on knowing? Do I want to hold onto untrue beliefs about myself, or do I want to discover how to truly know, love, and be myself, and experience my own divinity?” If it’s living your life on beliefs, then do the world, but if it’s living your life on knowing the loving that you are, then go within and begin to have your own personal experience.
Up until now, it has seemed so much easier to focus our attention out in the world rather than going within and getting to know the divine that we are. And even though our inner kingdom is the most straightforward place to go because wherever we are, no matter what we’re doing, we can go within, it has often been the last place where we’ll actually go. The world is right in front of us, it’s been fun, and many of us have had a great time here … that is, before we became aware of Spirit. I’ll let you in on a little secret – when the world doesn’t seem so fun anymore, that’s a signpost that’s letting us know that the soul is no longer looking to the world for fulfillment, and is beginning to long to know itself.
Go within and begin to experience more freedom more of the time. Surrender to the movement of Loving, because it’s all inside … and it’s inside where we’ll discover our own divinity. That’s what Jim and I want for each of you – to know your own divinity, to truly be yourself. So, go within. There, you will find your loving; there, you will find your divinity; and there, you will find out how to truly be yourself.
The greatest journey of all is getting to know who we are. So, it’s important to remember about going to school inside where we can learn how to truly love and be ourselves. Eventually, we’ll know that that’s all we ever really needed. We didn’t need all those attachments and things that we created in the world. 2
I nner L ight M inistries
Calendar
Classes & Programs: Spring – Summer ‘12 Presented by Jim Gordon and Brian Yeakey in Austin, Texas:
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For additional information, call 512-306-1056.
onthly Classes: Jim and Brian’s class is held once a month on the following Sundays (see schedule below and please note time for each class), at their home at 203 Buckeye Trail, Austin, TX.
Monthly classes include spiritual teachings, Q&A, and meditation. Jim and Brian assist participants to become more deeply aware of the Spirit within. No charge.
Sundays: APR 15
–
Potluck: (Bring a dish to share.) 12-1:30 pm & Class with Q&A: 1:30-6 pm*
MAY 6
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Potluck: (Bring a dish to share.) 12-1:30 pm & Class with Q&A: 1:30-6 pm*
JUN 10
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Potluck: (Bring a dish to share.) 12-1:30 pm & Class with Q&A: 1:30-6 pm*
JUL 15
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Class: 2-4 pm (Recorded meditation and talk.)
AUG 12
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Class: 2-4 pm (Recorded meditation and talk.)
SEP 16
–
Potluck: (Bring a dish to share.) 12-1:30 pm & Class with Q&A: 1:30-6 pm*
* Ending times are approximate.
Send Us Your Email Address, Choose Green Journals, and Update Mail
Since we are doing our best to communicate with our ILM members through the
internet, please send (or update) your email address to your local representative, or to Laura Doggett at ilmadmin@ilm.org.
Also, if you would like to see the ILM Journal
website, please let us know by emailing
only through the internet from our Laura Doggett at ilmadmin@ilm.org.
Finally, if we don’t have your mailing address, or you’ve had any recent address changes, please notify your local representative or email that information to Laura Doggett at ilmadmin@ilm.org. Thank you. 3 (ILM Calendar continues on pages 4-10)
Experiencing The Divine – A Meditative Retreat
facilitated by Jim Gordon and Brian Yeakey
2012
Fort Wayne:
May 23-27
New Location: Lindenwood Retreat Center, 9601 Union Rd, Donaldson, IN: (about 90 minutes west of Ft. Wayne, off U.S. 30 West, near Plymouth, IN)
Time Of Event: Wednesday: Arrival/Check-in 3-4:30 pm and Guest Orientation at 5 pm Opening dinner at 5:30 pm and Intro & Sharing from 7-10 pm* The retreat ends Sunday at 3 pm*
Registration fee: $50/person deposit required to register $350/person for double occupancy $425/person for single occupancy (limited availability)
Please make sure you have registered and paid the balance of your registration fee on or before May 1.
To register and for further information contact Steven McAfee at 260-485-2167 or e-mail mcafeesa@aol.com.
Hawaii:
July 18-22 Time Of Event: Wednesday at 6 pm thru Sunday at 1:30 pm.* at Saint Anthony’s Retreat Center, Honolulu, Hawaii Saint Anthony’s Cost: Double Occupancy (per person) - $375
To register contact Laura Doggett at 512-306-1056 or e-mail ilmadmin@ilm.org.
England:
October 24-28
Time Of Event: Wednesday at 6 pm thru Sunday at 2 pm.* at Dunford House, Heyshott, Midhurst, West Sussex
Dunford House Cost: Single Occupancy - £370, Double Occupancy (per person) - £335 For more information contact Susanne Cook at 01444 870838.
To register contact Laura Doggett at 512-306-1056 or e-mail ilmadmin@ilm.org. * Ending times are approximate. 4
in Michigan and Indiana
ILM presents:
Kalamazoo:
Saturday, May 19, 2012 Open Meeting with Jim
Gordon and Brian Yeakey
Time of Event: 1:30-6 pm* Where: Kalamazoo Center for the Healing Arts For further information contact Penny Miller at 269-664-3577 or e-mail pmiller@mei.net.
Tuesday, May 22 Tuesday Study Group
Potluck & Sharing with Jim and Brian Time of Event: 5:30-8:30 pm* Where: 4715 Thistle Mill Court, Kalamazoo For further information contact Judy Richards at 269-349-3943 or e-mail jg.richards@charter.net.
Fort Wayne:
Tuesday, May 29 & June 5 Tuesday Class with Jim and Brian Time of Event: 7-9:30 pm*
Where here: ILM Midwest idwest Center enter, 220 Insurance nsurance Drive rive, Suite uite F, Ft t. Wayne ayne Please note that there will be a reception after each class with light refreshments.
Donations onations Welcomed elcomed For further information contact Steven McAfee at 260-485-2167 or e-mail mcafeesa@aol.com. * Ending times are approximate. 5
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in Hawaii
Saturday, Saturday, July 15 July 9 Sharing and Q &A Q&A Potluck , Sharing and
ILM presents:
with with Jim im and Brian rian
Time ime of of Event vent: Potluck otluck 12 noon-1:30 Sharing haring and and Q&A 1:30-6 pm* Where here: Kelsie & Donogh McSherry’s home at 59-586 Pupukea Road, Haleiwa, HI
Saturday, July 23 28 Sharing and Q&A with Jim and Brian
Time of Event: Sharing and Q&A 1:30-6 pm*
Where here: Kelsie & Donogh McSherry’s home (see above information) For directions or further information please call Kelsie at (H) 808-285-6624. * Ending times are approximate.
New CD and Audio Book: Excerpt:
CD - Communion In Action
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like to call communication “communion in action,” and communion “coming into union.” Communication is the way, or the action, that we can begin to open the doors of Loving within ourselves, which also, allows that Loving to be shared with others around us. So, what do we usually think of when we think of communion? Most of us think of communion as coming into union with God, right, or with our soul? That’s it! True, effective communication brings us into communion or union with the Spirit of Loving, and with the Divine in all things, with ourselves, and with others around us. – Brian Yeakey
Audio Book - Love and Loving The Love and Loving audio book is now available through the ILM eStore. It’s in the “Books”
section. If you select Love And Loving, you will find the Audio Book for Mac (.mp4 filetype) and the Audio Book for PC (.wmv filetype) among the optional formats to choose from. The narration is by Kerri Dameron. 6
I nner L ight M inistries Calendar in Austin:
ILM Community Potluck Nights: T
hese ILM community nights are intended for the community to gather together in loving friendship at Laura Kesten’s home on the 1st Saturday of every month for fun, laughter, and great food. We’ll either just be together in a social gathering, or we’ll watch a movie. Everyone is welcome. Bring a dish if you want to add to the potluck. Starts 5-5:30 pm. 13210 Calf Roping Trail, Austin Park on the street or at the pool/park and walk a short block APR 7, MAY 5, JUN 2, JUL 7, AUG 4, SEP 1 For additional information, call Laura Kesten at 512-323-2058 or 512-658-4117, or e-mail laurakesten@aol.com.
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e are sparks of the Divine that have gone out into God’s creation, and we are walking a particular pathway that God has destined for us to walk. This pathway has taken us to all kinds of places, all kinds of experiences, and has given us all kinds of opportunities of learning and growing, so that God can become full in the knowing of Himself. – Jim Gordon
July 4th Celebration Wednesday, July 4th
Potluck beginning at 5:30 pm
at Bill Stratton’s home, 3124 Flinders Reef Lane, Austin. It’s a weenie roast! Bring a side dish or dessert. Later we’ll enjoy the Fireworks display from the front yard. (Please bring a folding chair if you have one.) If you want to bring and shoot fireworks, or sing, play the guitar, do magic tricks, or come in costume — all is welcome! RSVP by July 1st. Contact Bill at 512-388-7350 or email ilm4wes@aol.com. 7
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I nner L ight M inistries Calendar Presented by Steven McAfee, Midwest Coordinator:
For additional information, call Steven at 260-485-2167 or e-mail mcafeesa@aol.com.
T
uesday Class Series: Steven offers a series of weekly ILM classes in Fort Wayne on Tuesday nights from 7-8:30 pm at the ILM Midwest Center. Each class will begin with a meditation and then move into a period of spiritual sharing. The classes are open to anyone, and are intended to awaken and inspire our loving devotion to God. There is no charge. Donations are welcome.
V
Special ideo Conferences: Live from Austin! Special live video presentations with Jim and Brian via the magic of technology! AUG 14 (Tuesday)
7-9:30 pm
ILM Midwest Center
Donation
C
: More fun community events are on their way! We’ll provide soft ILM ommunity Nights
drinks and munchies! Please RSVP the week before so we can plan appropriately.
Child At Heart: This program is an opportunity for children and the people who love them to come participate in fun activities together in ILM. APR 7
2-4 pm
EGG-stravaganza
ILM Midwest Center
Donation
Potluck Gathering: The specific activity for this Community Night is still in the planning stage, so stay tuned for further updates! Meanwhile, save the date for food, fellowship, and FUN! JUL 7
7-10 pm
Potluck Gathering
ILM Midwest Center
Donation
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alking The Path: A Year of Self-Study – This is a year-long program for 2012, whereby participants commit to all the scheduled events. The focus is on the self-study aspect of the three-fold path of the Path of Sound and Light. The WTP program is intended to support initiates on their spiritual journey, yet will also provide inspiration and information for anyone seeking to make a deeper spiritual commitment in their lives. If you are interested in joining this program, please call Steven at (260) 485-2167. APR 1, MAY 6, JUL 8, AUG 5, SEP 9, OCT 7 NOV 4
2-4:30 pm 10 am-5 pm
ILM Midwest Center
Donation
S
unday S ervices: Steven occasionally serves as a guest speaker at various churches and spiritual groups in the Midwest. Please call Steven for more information.
APR 8 APR 15
11 am 10:30 am
K
alamazoo
Brigade of Light Unity
Donation Donation
Programs:
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teven Sharing: Join Steven for an afternoon of informal spiritual sharing and fellowship. For
more information, please call Judy Richards at 269-349-3943 or e-mail jg.richards@charter.net. Date and Time: TBA Donation
T more information.
uesday Study
: Call Judy Richards at 269-349-3943 or e-mail jg.richards@charter.net for Group
JUN 12, JUL 10, AUG 7
5-7 pm
4715 Thistle Mill Court
No charge
8 (ILM Worldwide Calendar continues on next page)
I nner L ight M inistries Calendar Community ILM Meetings
•
Kalamazoo:
tudy G roup:
MAY 23, JUN 27, JUL 25, AUG 22
N M information.
ights:
ovie
JUL 31
•
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Call Carolyn Dailey at 269-327-6851 or e-mail carolee12@chartermi. 1-3 pm
2485 Brahms Avenue
Portage, Mich.
No charge
Call Judy Richards at 269-349-3943 or e-mail jg.richards@charter.net for more
4:45-8 pm
Austin:
Events Worldwide:
Call Judy Richards at 269-349-3943 or e-mail jg.richards@charter.net.
S W net for more information. ednesday
and
4715 Thistle Mill Court Kalamazoo, Mich.
No charge
Call Kerri Dameron at 512-608-5430 to RSVP and get directions.
eeting: Join us for a meditation and talk by Jim and Brian on the Sundays that the regular ILM classes are not being held. Call for dates
•
M pants.
2-4 pm
Chicago:
eeting:
Cedar Park, Tex.
No charge
Call Loretta Lassandro at 708-481-7751 or e-mail lassandro6@aol.com.
Join us for meditation. Call in advance so adequate space can be prepared for all partici-
Call for dates
3:30-4:30 pm
•
Dallas:
•
Los Angeles:
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125 Warwick Street in Park Forest, Ill.
No charge
Call Jason Baker at 972-571-8511 for dates, times and directions.
eeting: Each meeting will consist of a short meditation and listening to a class CD by Jim and Brian. If interested please check with Jason for the most current date, time, and location.
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Call Victoria Eng at 310-980-2224 to RSVP and get dates and directions.
eeting: The focus of each evening is on spiritual awakening and connecting to the Loving through listening to an ILM meditation and talk by Jim and Brian.
Alternate Wednesdays
•
6 pm
London, England:
Beverlywood, Los Angeles
No charge
Call Nanna Brincker at 0207-485-0699 for directions.
: Join us in listening to an inspirational talk with Jim or Brian followed by a 2 hour meditation M at 42A Montpelier Grove London NW5 2XE, or join us on skype at 4 pm for the meditation (please log on eeting
10 minutes before). Please let Nanna know your skype name. Sundays
3:30 pm
APR 1 & 22, MAY 13, JUN 3 & 24, JUL 15, AUG 5 & 26
No charge
9 (ILM Worldwide Calendar continues on next page)
I nner L Light M inistries Calendar Community ILM Meetings
•
Events Worldwide
(continued):
Hawaii: Call the contact person for the following events.
1. Call Nadine Ferraro at 808-988-7509, or 551-3123 (cell) for directions. eeting: Share in a one-hour meditation and community gathering.
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Mondays
and
6-7:30 pm
Manoa Valley, Honolulu
No charge
2. Call Mig Gaspar at 808-638-8153 or Kelsie McSherry at 808-638-0380 for directions. eeting: Listen to Jim and Brian’s weekly meditation and talks.
M Tuesdays
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7 pm
North Shore of Oahu
No charge
3. Call Brian Samo Ross at 808-247-3305 or 554-3305 (cell) for directions.
eeting:
2nd Sunday
Listen to Jim and Brian’s meditation and talks followed by a potluck. 10 am
Kaneohe, Oahu
No charge
ILM.org — the Inner Light Ministries Website
Jim and Brian’s Spiritual Sharings, ILM Journals, ILM Books, Introductory Packet, Calendar of Events, Order or Download CDs, Open-Ended Meditations, “Initiates Only” section.
Initiate’s Handbook I
nitiates, check out the Initiate’s Handbook that has been added to the Initiates Only section of the website. Check out our recently updated http://www.ILM.org today!
Welcome to Inner Light Ministries Introductory Packet In this packet you will find ILM’s book: Love and Loving,
the CD: An Introduction To ILM, the CD: Understanding The ‘Inner’ Pathway, the CD: Lotus Meditation, ILM’s brochure: Inner Light Ministries Guidelines For Initiation And Initiates, and a copy of our latest newsletter.
All of these materials have been selected to give a newcomer a better understanding of who we are and what we’re about. If you would like an Introductory Packet for yourself or someone else, just let us know. Call us, email us, or write us! We are happy to do what we can to assist you on your spiritual journey. Blessings of Peace, Joy and Loving To You! Jim Gordon, Brian Yeakey, and the ILM Staff 10
ILM Photo Picks of 2011
Austin:
July 4th Weenie Roast
Shopping for Coins For Kids
Movie Night
Experiencing The Divine
Christmas Party
Coins For Kids Receipt
Hawaii:
Experiencing The Divine
11
ILM Photo Picks of 2011 continued Croquet Anyone!?
Midwest:
Hawaiian Luau
“ALOHA”
Shopping for Coins For Kids
England: Hungary:
Coins For Kids 12
Q& A
with Jim and
Q:
Brian
(from Initiates Meeting - Austin 2/26/06)
I just realized recently that I have expectations of what an inner experience really is. I mean, I guess the ultimate inner experience is to see the face of God so anything else I experience I say, “What is that?”
beyond the top of the mountain, but we’ve got to get to the top of the mountain before we can fly.
A: (Jim) Everything we experience is part of our inner
I realize that there’s a judgment on what I experience – “Oh, that’s not worth it,” or “That’s not it.”
Q:
creation. Our frustration, our anger, our pain, our desire, our need, our want, our longing – whatever it is, they are all things that we, the divine in us, have created through the power of the mind, the emotions and the body – and it’s all part of our inner experience. What we want to do is go in and clear these kind of inner experiences through loving, acceptance and forgiveness so that all of it comes into alignment with the divine flow of loving that we are, and then our inner experience is no longer focused down into the frustrations and anger but rather inward and upward toward that divine flow.
A:
(Jim) There’s a lot of “its” on the way Home to God, and we’re waking up to each level; we are having experience at each level as we journey Home and if we miss the rung on the ladder we may find that we really can’t get to the next rung, or we may find that we fall back down easily because we haven’t anchored ourselves and we don’t realize that there’s a step right there that we can also use to get up. So everything is leading us Home; even the most negative experience is a part of that journey Home to God. It may seem like we have really fallen and we’re going down, but we’re just on this journey and we are ever upward and downward – two steps forward, one step back so to speak. But ultimately, we do get Home; we do get to see the face of God.
Q:
I understand that part but what I’m saying is like I shared with you that funny, strange inner experience …
A: (Brian) That was normal. A: (Brian) We talk about spiritual experience, inner Q: But I wouldn’t have categorized that as an inner experience, out-of-body experience. These are all types
experience because it certainly wasn’t the face of God and yet it was wonderful. So that raises a question – will there be all kinds of inner experiences?
of different experience. The word “experience” is the key. We can have an inner experience while we sit here with our eyes open experiencing something inwardly which is still “in Spirit,” and “inside.” Or we can have an out-of-body experience, or we could have our eyes closed in meditation where the body goes asleep and we’re consciously traveling out-of-body on another realm. These are all experiences. Just let it all be okay, whether it’s inner experience, outer experience, out-ofbody experience, the inner kingdom, the outer kingdom, or whatever it is. We just use these terms to help people come into a greater understanding and get the clarity within so everyone knows what’s going on and can begin to see their experiences as “normal.”
A: (Jim)
Yes. It’s like a diamond. There are many facets to the diamond and each one adds to the beauty of the whole, so our inner experience has many parts to it – there’s not one part only, but many facets to the one part, which ultimately brings us to the fullness in the knowing of the experience of the Light and the Sound. So we’re going to have many different expressions and experiences of that inner process.
Q:
So we just accept all of those, no matter how normal or abnormal? I mean it’s not any lesser because it’s not the face of God?
When we can move into acceptance, we move into neutrality and that’s how we step free. So part of the work of loving, acceptance, and forgiveness is truly coming into that neutral place of acceptance where it really is all okay no matter what the experience is – in body, out-of-body, inner experience, outer experience – the key is always experience.
A: (Brian)
These are the things we need to walk through to get to the face of God. That’s why we don’t want to make them wrong. Each experience we have is like a stepping-stone to get to the top of the mountain. And then when we get to the top of the mountain, we fly 13
You Are Perfect!
I
by Laura Kesten, ILM Minister
really cool parts – my divine self, shouted, “Stop it. Don’t listen to that garbage this fleabag is feeding you. Remember, you are the divine, living, loving essence; you were perfect the day you were born, and you are perfect right now.” And, here’s another really cool thing – the fleabag didn’t even argue, just turned over and went back to sleep. I smiled, and said, “I love you, God.”
’ve been under the assumption my entire life that if I could just figure out my inner life, if I could just heal my inner wounds, if I could just let go of all my fears, all the things that hold me back, and just get everything right…all the time, I would finally get to Spirit, and I would finally get to that place Jim and Brian speak of – that Loving, that Oneness, and finally I would know of my divinity.
In Brian’s article of this newsletter, he says it clearly, “Just because someone says it…doesn’t mean it’s true.” That “someone” includes the voice of the “talker” in our heads. That “talker” is part of our inner kingdom, and it’s telling us things that aren’t true about our divine essence, keeping us attached to the world.
Recently, I had an epiphany. I love it when that happens. It’s something Jim and Brian and all mystics teach, only this time, I didn’t just hear the words, I really knew them, and it’s this: You were perfect the moment you were born, and you are perfect right now. You don’t have to change anything, figure out anything, do anything, be anything, because you are already perfect, right now.
How many times have Jim or Brian said to any one of us emphatically, “That’s not who you are; that may be what you do, but that’s not who you are.” There is a part of us that knows we are the living, loving, essence of the Lord, otherwise, we wouldn’t be walking this pathway Home to God. For me, that part that knows the truth of who I am as soul is growing so much that it has accepted my divinity and is beginning to put the “talker” in its place.
I had a few days in a row where I remembered ‘I am perfect.’ Nothing inside my head was telling me that I could do better, or be better, or that I still have a lot to learn to being a Loving child of God. Then, one night, when I laid my head on my pillow at bedtime, I felt this little stirring, and “the talker” inside started mumbling something. We all know that talker, right? The one that tells us we did something wrong, or someone else did something wrong; the one that tells us what we “should” be doing or “should” have done, that pretends to be on our side but tells us all kinds of untrue stuff, feeds our fears, and in general, makes us feel bad about ourselves, right?
So, besides our meditation and LAF, we have another great tool. We have Jim and Brian, our spiritual teachers, reminding us when we forget. And we can watch them in Loving action – Brian demonstrates this action all the time. If someone’s “talker” calls Brian an @%#!, he says, “You’re right. I’m an @%#!.” And it’s because he knows that he is Spirit, he is Loving. And Jim, well, he’s just a saint! From watching both of them demonstrate the Loving, we can learn that sometimes we are going to do things that upset others, but we have the power to never leave that place of Loving in our humanness. We can invite the Loving essence that we already are to participate and awaken inside so that when “the talker” begins its mantra of put-downs, our divine self will become the louder voice, and eventually, become the only voice. From this moment forward, begin repeating a new mantra: I was perfect the moment I was born and I am divinely perfect right now.
I visually could see this “talker.” It looked a little like the commercial m&m, with stick arms and legs, but it was grey and shaped more like a flea. I watched it, in amusement, yawn and stretch. Then, it started chattering, reminding me of something I did wrong. It was starting to suck me into its belief about me not being “good enough.” I paid close attention, listened carefully, and began to agree with it. I could feel myself leaving the place of Loving and going into that place of feeling bad about myself. But, here’s one of the 14
Beyond The Fear
I
by Steven McAfee, ILM Minister
a sweet, deep peace within. Or, in the midst of my daily activities in the world, I’ll often feel the movement of Loving inside and I’ll begin to experience a greater beauty, appreciation, and depth to the otherwise rather mundane tasks. It’s during those times, that if I begin to feel fear sneaking in, my experiences of being awake in the Loving have helped me keep my attention focused on that Loving, even though I may still be afraid.
n my articles I usually talk about things I find inspiring. Today I want to talk about fear. OK, right there, just then, did you find yourself pausing, wondering whether you even wanted to read the rest of this article? Did you feel a twinge of your own fear reacting and stirring within you? Was there some part of you putting up walls and resisting before you even knew what was to come? If not, hooray for you! If so, read on. This may be for you.
What I’ve learned about fear so far is this: The physical, astral, causal, and mental bodies have fear built into them; it’s part of the fabric of their creation. As long as we’re in a body, we’ll have experiences of fear arising and moving through that body from time to time. So when it does arise, we can recognize its’ arising as a part of the human experience, and re-direct our attention back into the presence of the Loving within us at that very moment. We can be aware of the fear pulling at us, but not continue to be paralyzed by it. In other words, we can allow it to be what it is.
For years, I’ve been running an unconscious belief pattern that once I awakened spiritually, I’d stop being afraid; and if I’m living a spiritual life, I won’t have to deal with fear anymore. To this point, that has not been the case. There are things I’m still afraid of, some small, and some big. When the big ones come, they seem to overwhelm me. I’ll get caught up in the fear, and will feel myself closing down inside. The more I focus on the fear, the bigger the fear becomes, and the more closed down I feel.
I’m also realizing that it’s not being afraid of things in the physical, astral, causal and mental bodies that constricts and binds the soul, but latching onto what we are afraid of. Holding on is what keeps the soul bound to what it fears … until we let go. Releasing our expectation of overcoming our fears, of overpowering them, or controlling them, is essential. We know the Loving is always there, so when we find ourselves holding on to our fears so tightly, if we can remember to take hold of the Loving, the fear will simply lose its grip on us.
What I’m discovering is that there’s something far more profound than any fear I have, and infinitely more powerful. This “something” is inside of me, and it’s so powerful, in fact, that when I’m focused into it, my fear dissolves completely. Spiritual teachers have named this “whatever-it-is” that transcends fear: the Loving, God’s Presence, Spirit, the Divine, the Living Essence, and many more. So, when my attention is on Spirit, and not on the fear, the movement of Loving fills me with peace, joy, and wonder. And when I’m immersed in that Loving, it’s so awesome, so allencompassing, and that fear is no longer part of my awareness. I simply merge into the Oneness of Being that is ever present in that Loving.
There’s a saying, “You get what you focus on.” When our attention is focused on the fear, we are then living the fear; but when our attention is focused on the Loving in the face of fear, we are, instead, living the Loving. Regardless of what we’re doing or feeling in the moment, even in the midst of small and big fears, we can continually direct our conscious attention into the Loving – and it is this action of Loving that will dissolve fear. So, take hold of the Loving and let it move through the fear and into your freedom. And remember this: When fear reaches out to take a hold on you, don’t hold back!
I’ll experience what it is to be awake in the Loving at different times. For example, in meditation, I may be moving to a higher realm and having more direct experience with the Loving there, while at other times when sitting in meditation, I’ll simply be experiencing 15
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