I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES NEWSLETTER VOLUME 11 NUMBER 1
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MARCH, 2000
LOVING RELATIONSHIP
by Jim Gordon, President of ILM
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ast October I was seated at my computer writing my most recent Newsletter article. I had about five sentences to go when the phone rang. It was my brother Gene’s neighbor. He and my brother lived in Sun City in Georgetown, Texas. The neighbor told me that he and Gene had an appointment that morning, and when he went over to get Gene he could not get him to come to the door. When he tried to phone him, he only got the answering machine. I told the neighbor how to get into the house and gave him my cell phone number. Then I turned off the computer, got into my car and started for Georgetown, wanting to be on my way in case something was wrong. As I got into the car I prayed for my brother and his well-being. As I prayed, a sense of peace came over me. I felt my brother was fine whatever was happening, and “not to worry.” I relaxed for a few minutes, but then I began to worry again. Rather than accepting the peace that had come forward as I prayed, I fell into a worry pattern that I had learned as a boy. When I realized what I was doing, I pulled over for a moment, stopped along the side of the highway and took a deep breath. I called in the Light, asking for God’s blessing on this day and the events that were unfolding. I again felt the peace come in and this time I accepted the peace. I then continued my drive towards Georgetown. About ten minutes later my cell phone rang. The neighbor said, “Jim, there is no other way to say this: your brother is dead. I am so sorry to have to tell you this. I have called the police and they are on their way.” I thanked him for his assistance and his caring and hung up. As I drove I could not believe at first that this could be true. Then I felt the reality of the situation and I began to cry. Then, as I continued to drive, I again began to feel a peace. I quieted down and started to look back at my life, my brother’s life and how we had been with each other throughout the years. Soon I arrived at Gene’s house and was met by some of the neighbors and the police. We went into the living room and the day progressed from there. I was very busy for the next few days, so busy with all the
external process that I had no time to attend to my internal process. It was not until several days later that a friend asked me a question that helped start the internal process going once again. The friend asked me how I was doing, and if I felt complete with Gene. When I asked him what he meant, he asked me if my last conversations with Gene had been good ones, and if I felt I had said to him what I wanted him to know. Suddenly, I felt as though God was very present with this person and was leading me down a path of opening, awareness and healing. I began to cry as my focus began to move inward and I became aware of feelings and thoughts about myself, my brother and our relationship. My thoughts went back to a conversation I had with my spiritual teacher, John-Roger, while traveling in Ireland two years ago. I had told John-Roger that I find myself moving into a control pattern with my brother whenever we talked. Gene was very obese and I was concerned about his health. So I would often get into this control pattern with him, trying to get Gene to change his eating habits. As I was sharing, John-Roger said, “Jim, your brother is going to live out his karmas, his lessons, his own way in this lifetime. He already knows the risks. Don’t expect him to change or do anything different than what he is doing right now.” That statement hit me right between the eyes and was just what I needed to hear. Upon returning and talking with Gene, I found I had a new point of view. For the first time I found myself listening to him and sharing with him, rather than speaking at him and trying to change him. Our relationship quickly deepened and our friendship grew. Over the past two years we shared a lot, and in most of our conversations we discussed how much our relationship meant to both of us. Gene never changed his eating or exercise habits, and never lost weight. And his weight was a major factor in his death. But what I found in all of this was, as soon as I stopped trying to control my brother’s karmas or lessons and just allowed him to live his life the way he wanted to, I was fine with him just as he was, and our friendship and love grew and became very rich and deep. The day before he died, Gene and I had a long phone conversation. He told me of the many good things he saw happening in his life, and he shared with me Loving Relationship continues on page 6
THE
TEMPLE OF THE HEART
Some felt they should not use the oil, but save it to light at the end of the festival on the eighth day. Others suggested they should light it and then put it out each day, so that it might at least be lit each day, s I write this, we have just recently passed even though it could not continue burning. Some through the holidays of Hanukkah and probably felt like giving up. In the end, it was agreed Christmas, the turn of century, and the to use what they had in honor of God, to light the dreaded Y2K “non-crisis.” Y2K didn’t seem flame and let it burn until it burned out. Perhaps the to cause any real suffering anywhere. And yet, there rest of the days would have to be spent in darkness, are certainly those who are suffering — from personal but today there would be light. And the miracle was, problems, loss, fears, or broken hearts. The turning of this one-day’s supply of oil burned continuously for the age has not seemed to put an end to the wounding all eight days of the festival. That miracle is the of the heart. To honor that precious heart that dwells second event which the Hanukkah festival celebrates. in each of us, I would like to share some insights I’ve Like the Temple of old, our hearts each contain recently gained from the story of Hanukkah. an inner sanctum, a “holy of holies,” which we too Many years ago, around 165 B.C., the Jewish keep shielded from the world, and which we too allow people were enslaved by a foreign enemy, who took only one person to enter — not the high priest, but our over the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem. This was the own soul when we wish to commune with God. We Temple that Solomon had built, the center and “heart” too have a light within which is ever burning. And, of all Jewish worship in the world. This Temple like the Temple, there may come a time when that contained the “holy of holies,” which housed the which is sacred to us is humiliated and defiled, and we Tablets of the Covenant in the Ark, and the “ner feel broken. In such times we may feel discouraged tamid,” the eternal flame. This place was considered and defeated by what seems to be overwhelming so holy that only one person could ever enter it, the odds. We may lose faith and wonder whether there is high priest once a year on the Day of Atonement. The any hope in carrying on. Then, just like the Maccabees, foreign invaders destroyed the Temple, entered the we have a choice: we can give up and live a life of “holy of holies,” extinguished the “eternal light” that despair, or we can summon our courage and stand up had burned continuously on its altar since the original once more to reclaim our freedom. Whether we dedication of the Temple, and then defiled it by struggle with fear, depression, intolerance, anger, offering blood sacrifices to idols there. The inner shame, or whatever else might be oppressing our sanctum of Judaism was humiliated, desecrated, and spirit, sooner or later, there is a voice inside us that broken, and with it the Jewish heart. Then a family of cries out, “No more! I will not live like this any more. Jews named the Maccabees arose, took courage, I will not live enslaved one day longer. I will be free.” and decided they would not give up. They started a When that moment comes, we, like the Maccabees, rebellion against their oppressors that was eventually must take the actions necessary to reclaim and rededivictorious. This military victory is one of the events cate our lives. that the festival of Hanukkah commemorates. So, when a time comes in our lives when we After their victory, the Jews decided to rebuild feel broken, when it feels as if the light inside us their Temple (this new, Second Temple would be- has gone out, we can take courage from this story. come the one in which Jesus himself would later We can reclaim our temple. As we clear the worship). They rebuilt and strengthened the Temple, “foreign invaders” of illusion that have been darkpurified the “holy of holies,” and decided to rededi- ening our temple, we can begin to rebuild our cate the new Temple (“hanukkah” means “dedica- temple on an even stronger foundation. And if we tion”) with the lighting of a new “eternal light” as the don’t seem to have enough “olive oil” to keep the beginning of an eight-day festival. But, to their flame going, we must light it anyway. There just dismay, at the last minute they discovered that there may be another miracle waiting to happen inside of was only enough purified olive oil to burn for one day us, and all it needs is one tiny flame, one small (and making new oil required more than eight days). action of faith to make it come alive.
by Steven McAfee, ILM Midwest Coordinator
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I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES
CALENDAR C LASSES & P ROGRAMS : M ARCH - J UNE 2000 P RESENTED
BY J IM G ORDON : For additional information, call Laura Kesten at 512-894-0992
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EEKLY
CLASSES:
Jim’s weekly Austin class is held Tuesdays 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm,
ILM Center, Franklin Sq. Bldg., 3724 Jefferson, Ste. 100, Austin, TX.
Each class includes spiritual teaching, practical exercises, group discussion, and meditation. Jim helps participants to become more deeply in touch with the Spirit within.
I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES presents:
TO TOUCH THE HEART with ILM Ministers: Jim Gordon, Laura Kesten, and Steven McAfee at Yarrow in Augusta, MI DATE: Friday, June 16 - Sunday, June 18 TIME: 7:30 pm Friday - 1:00 pm Sunday COST: $225 For further information call Steven McAfee at 219-485-2167. We offered this retreat November at Seasons in Kalamazoo. For many of us, this was a powerful retreat with a depth of love and joy; we feel this program has been truly blessed. Please join us for the first time — or for a second time — as we come together to experience new insights and greater depths of the heart. We will focus on the qualities of our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual hearts — qualities of unconditional loving, neutrality, forgiveness, and living in the presence of loving — so that we may continue to grow into the true spirit of who we are. ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○
ILM R EGISTRATION F ORM : Please send check (payable to ILM) along with this registration form to: S TEVEN M C A FEE , 6228 L OMBARD P LACE , F ORT W AYNE , IN 46815 (Please print)
N AME ( S ): A DDRESS & Z IP C ODE : D AYTIME P HONE :
E VENING P HONE : 3
(This pullout ILM Calendar continues on pages 4, 5 and 6.)
I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES CALENDAR PRESENTED BY LAURA KESTEN: For additional information, call Laura Kesten at 512-894-0992
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In this 2 1/2 day retreat we will explore techniques in OURNEY T O F ORGIVENESS : forgiving and letting go. As part of this process, we will view the ‘98 Sundance Award Winning Film’, Smoke Signals, which portrays one man’s journey to forgiving his father, and use this as a vehicle to explore more deeply our own unforgiven issues. We have selected an exclusive venue, GilChrist, which provides a beautiful setting and a cozy non-traditional meeting room, to assist in promoting a safe and relaxed atmosphere.
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March 10-12
Fri. 7 pm – Sun. 1 pm
GilChrist, Three Rivers, MI
$125
A C IRCLE OF W OMEN :
Monthly gathering. This evening is specially dedicated in the celebration of ancient woman spirit, where women join together to experience the support of an uplifting, nurturing, and self-empowering circle. The following events will be held from 7-9 pm at the ILM Center, Austin, TX. There is no charge. Please mark your calendar: Fri., Mar. 31 Fri., Apr. 14 Fri., May 20
— AWAKENING M EMORY. — L I S T E N T O T H E M U S I C W I T H Y O U R WH O L E BO D Y , H E A R T , — D RUMMING C IRCLE IN T EEPEE, AND P OTLUCK. ( He l d i n D r i p p i n g S p r i n g s a t L a u r a ’ s h o m e .)
AND
MI N D .
MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS:
This workshop offers an opportunity to celebrate and deepen the ancient feminine bond unique to mothers and daughters. Open to women 18+. May 12-13
Fri. 7 pm - Sat. 5 pm
Yarrow, Augusta, MI
$135
A CIRCLE OF WOMEN - DAY WORKSHOP:
(For a description of the nature of this program, please read “A Circle of Women - monthly gathering” at the top of this section). May 27
Sat. 9:00 am - 4:00 pm
Richland, MI (At Paula Roach’s home.)
Donation
The Writer Within workshop is designed to engage us, The W : W Writers, in communicating more naturally between emotion-and-thought and pen-and-paper,
THE
RITER
ITHIN
thereby unfolding more of who we are. The emphasis is on the process, not on form, technique, or product. A safe environment is created both for the writer and sharer. July 1
Sat. 9 am - 5 pm
TBA
Donation
PEACEMAKER:
The Iroquois legend of the PeaceMaker, dating back to AD 1200, is a historically- noted influence on the forming of our American nation. We offer this workshop as an opportunity to journey through the rich Iroquois story of the PeaceMaker, reliving its teachings and participating in transformational processes, thus bringing us closer to the heart of our own PeaceMaker within. Come and experience this very powerful workshop. The registration fee includes lodging, meals, all materials, and Jean Houston’s book, A Manual for the PeaceMaker. August 25-27
Still Meadows Community 4
Portland, OR
$225
I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES CALENDAR R ECENT T APES
Guardian Angels
Angels
BY
J IM G ORDON :
Soul vs Ego
Abundance I
Abundance II
To Order: Each tape is $8.95 (Please include $3 per order for shipping and handling.) Checks may be made payable to Inner Light Ministries and sent to: Inner Light Ministries, P.O. Box 164332, Austin, Texas 78716-4332. Please include your name, address and phone number. Allow 4-6 weeks for delivery.
PRESENTED BY STEVEN R. MCAFEE: For additional information, call Steven at 219-485-2167
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EEKLY
CLASSES:
Steven’s weekly class is held Tuesdays 7:30 pm - 9:00 pm, at Unity Church, 3232 Crescent Ave., Ft. Wayne, IN.
Classes include spiritual teaching, music, meditation, practical application, and group sharing.
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UNDAY
MYSTICAL BIBLE STUDY:
UNDAY
SERVICES: Steven conducts worship services as a guest for various churches and
Discover the mystical teachings in the Bible and how to apply them in your life. Every Sunday, 9:00 am - 10:00 am, at 6228 Lombard Place, Ft. Wayne, IN (please note that Sunday meetings are not held on the weekends when ILM workshops or retreats are scheduled; call Steven for up-to-date information). Families are welcome.
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spiritual groups in the Ft. Wayne area. The following Sundays —11 am worship services — are at the Brigade of Light, YWCA Villa, Ft. Wayne, IN. Please call for additional programs scheduled after we went to press with this issue. March 26, April 30 (E ASTER service) and May 21 (followed by a potluck lunch and a workshop from 1:00 - 4:00 pm)
COMMUNITY NIGHTS:
The Ft. Wayne ILM “community” periodically gets together to share in potlucks, music nights, video nights, and outings. Most of these events are also suitable for children. They are usually scheduled spontaneously as an inspiration arises within the group. Please call Steven for current information. May 30 6:30 - 9:00 pm
6228 Lombard Place
Ft. Wayne, IN
No charge
This is a Potluck evening. Please call Steven to arrange a dish. Musicians (you know who you are), please bring your instruments! Children are welcome.
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YSTICAL CHRIST: This is a NEW program of prayers, meditation practices, rituals, and exercises to enhance awareness of the indwelling Spirit. All the practices come out of the Jewish and Christian mystical traditions common in the days of Jesus. In addition to our studies, we will be singing songs and doing circle dances outdoors. You will also be given time on your own to experience the 350 acres of beauty and serenity at Yarrow. And all our meals will be prepared especially for our group by a gourmet chef!
Mar. 18-19
Sat. 10:00 am - Sun. 3:00 pm
Yarrow Augusta, MI
$145
Note: Please be aware that new programs are sometimes scheduled after the newsletter goes to press, and, in rare instances, published schedules may have to be altered. For current information on any event or series, please call the presenter or contact person listed with the program. Thank you. 5
Steven’s Calendar continues on next page
I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES CALENDAR PRESENTED BY STEVEN R. MCAFEE: (CONTINUED) For additional information, call Steven at 219-485-2167
PASSOVER & E ASTER HOLY DAY PROGRAMS: P ASSOVER S ERVICE : This evening we will tell the story of Passover and discuss its timeless mystical message about the spiritual path. We will also show the Jewish ritual used to commemorate this event. Families with children are welcome. Apr. 18
7:30 pm - 9:00 pm
Unity Christ Church Ft. Wayne, IN
Donation
T HE P ASSOVER E XPERIENCE : In this Good Friday workshop, we will delve more deeply into the inner teachings of Passover and share practical methods of experiencing the grace of God more fully in our lives. Apr. 21
1:00 pm - 4:00 pm
Unity Christ Church Ft. Wayne, IN
Donation
G OOD F RIDAY M EDITATION : There will be a candlelit, guided visualization, followed by a period of silent meditation, which concludes with a prayer for peace. Apr. 21
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm
6228 Lombard Place Ft. Wayne, IN
No charge
E ASTER S ERVICE : This class will focus on the resurrection experience and the power of the Holy Spirit. Families with children are welcome. Apr. 23 Apr. 23
9:00 am - 10:00 am 11:00 am - 12:30 pm
V OICES , H ANDS ,
AND
6228 Lombard Place Ft. Wayne, IN YWCA Villa Ft. Wayne, IN
H EARTS — E XPRESSING S PIRIT
THROUGH
No charge No charge
M USIC
AND
A RT
This delightful workshop with special guest artist Arthur Duoet and ILM Minister Steven McAfee, does not require any previous experience, nor is it performance-oriented. It is designed as a relaxing and fun time to experiment with color and shape, voice and sound as methods of moving quickly and gently into higher states of spiritual awareness and joy. The art workshop will be held in the new “Arts & Crafts” room and the music portion will be in the “Nature Center.” The registration fee includes lunch and dinner, as well as some yummy snacks around an evening campfire. A minimum, paid enrollment of 15 people by March 31st will be necessary, or the program will have to be re-scheduled. So, please register early! May 6 10:00 am - 8:30 pm
Sherman Lake YMCA Outdoor Center – Augusta, MI $55
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EDITATION – THE I NWARD JOURNEY : This workshop will use visualizations and chanting as methods for reaching deeper state of awareness and peace.
May 21
1:00 pm - 4:00 pm
Loving Relationship continued
YWCA Villa
Ft. Wayne, IN
Donation
by Jim Gordon
knew I loved him. What more could I ask for?” What I learned from this experience is to try not to leave relationships undone and incomplete. And to give the people who matter to me the freedom to live their lives as they choose. Freedom, caring, sharing, listening, loving and acceptance: these are some of the tools I found helped make my relationship with my brother rich, deep and loving. I am thankful for the revelation in Ireland and I am eternally grateful to my Spiritual Teacher, JohnRoger for having helped me see how a true loving relationship can be.
how much he loved me, and how having me as his brother had truly been a blessing for him. I in turn shared with him my loving. When we finished our conversation and hung up, I felt very complete and very loved. So I turned to the friend who had asked me about my last conversation with Gene and said, “Yes, I truly am complete. Each conversation we had seemed to be getting better and richer. I believe that I did say everything I wanted to say. I know he loved me and I know he 6
A FTER THE WAVE by Laura Kesten-Beaver, ILM Minister
Interestingly enough, when painful situations arise in my adult life, what I often find myself doing is something else that I did as a child during that first week following my seeing this movie. During that sleepless week, I would dream over and over again about the terrible struggles the passengers had to endure, only to then see the light pouring in on them when they were being rescued. And I would feel so much relief and freedom; there would be this rush of energy flowing through my entire body and I would think, “They made it!” But then I would go right back into the ‘throws of Poseidon’ and dream of the passengers’ struggles all over again. In my adult life, I have played out a similar scenario — except while wide awake. I’d be struggling with different parts of my life: healing difficult childhood memories, forgiving unresolved hurts, changing negative belief systems and behavior patterns, then finally I would get to the other side of my “tsunami” and would relish in the freedom of the light and a vast blue sky ... that is, for a short while. Then I would begin to question myself: “Am I really done with it now? I’d better check just to be sure.” And I would turn around and walk right back into the darkness. Ultimately I would come out on the other side to experience the light once more. And I would repeat this scenario over and over again. Finally, at a seminar called I NSIGHT , I listened as the facilitator was talking to someone else about the very same thing. The facilitator asked, “Why do you keep turning back to the darkness when you’ve made it through to the light? If you make it to the light, don’t turn around — just keep on going. You’ve “been there, done that,” now move on! You can actually be done with it. You don’t have to keep checking to see if you really are done.” And in that moment I “got it.” I got that when I see “the light after the wave”, the important next step is to continue to walk onward. Once I get through the darkness, once I make the positive changes and have healed, I am learning that I can simply let out a sigh, continue to move on, and just enjoy the light and the vast blue sky.
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hen I was a teenager I saw the film The Poseidon Adventure. For me, the movie was a very intense sit-on-the-edge-of-yourseat type of movie, and for a whole week after watching it I was unable to sleep peacefully without having specific scenes raid my dreams (yes, I was an impressionable child). And in spite of being frightened at the time by the realism of The Poseidon Adventure, throughout my life this movie has served as a reference point for me regarding disasters, rescues, and light. But before I share more with you regarding its impact on me, I will first give you a brief summary of the film. The film is about a ship called Poseidon. It is a peaceful, beautiful day, when all of a sudden the captain gets a warning that there is a tsunami heading in their direction! The movie’s drama begins when the ship gets hit by the wave and capsizes. A couple hundred people are on the ship if I recall correctly, and so for the next 90 minutes the viewers of the movie watch the many passengers trying to survive, and inevitably succumbing to the rushing waters which fill the ship’s vessel, floor by floor. In the final scene, only about seven people reach the bottom of the ship which is now facing upwards. Rescuers hear the cries of survivors and blowtorch a hole in the ship’s bottom. When the circular piece of metal is removed, the survivors look up through the hole and are greeted by a vast blue sky, lots of sunshine, and a welcomed hand which extends toward them offering assistance to their safety. The most impactful image of the entire movie for me was in that final scene: the light pouring in on darkness. Throughout my life, I have made inner reference to that scene time and again. Whenever it has felt like I was ‘struggling to survive a capsized ship’, I would always think of The Poseidon Adventure and be reassured that there was light at the end of the tunnel, or as in the movie’s scenario, light at the opening of a blow-torched hole. 7
I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES NEWSLETTER ABOUT ILM INNER LIGHT MINISTRIES (ILM) is a nonprofit outreach organization founded in the fundamental principles of ancient esoteric Christianity. It is dedicated to the development and balancing of the fourfold nature of the individual. Towards this goal, it provides education and services concerned with the integration of the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical aspects of the self, and also provides publications and materials that aid in this process. Among its fundamental tenets is that we trully are “temples of the Holy Spirit.” As we seek and express this presence within, we find the peace, love, power, and wisdom we all so earnestly desire. The many services of ILM are geared towards this path of individual unfoldment—such as meditation, study, and prayer on an individual and group basis. Service to humanity and the planet is ILM’s
ILM:
Inner Light Ministries is pleased to announce that Brian Yeakey from Austin, TX (formerly of Kalamazoo, MI and Santa Barbara, CA) has joined the ILM staff as a minister. Brian will work in the programs area as a program assistant, and gradually move into creating his own classes and workshops. Over the next few years we are sure you will be seeing his bright sunny face at many of the ILM functions. second major emphasis, and ILM encourages individual service, in any of a wide variety of possible forms, as a vital aspect of our daily experience. Please write or phone for more information about ILM.
Executive Office: Jim Gordon, 203 Buckeye Trail, Austin, TX 78746; Business Office: Tom Beaver, P.O. Box 1086, Dripping Springs, TX 78620; Midwest Office: Steven McAfee, 6228 Lombard Place, Fort Wayne, IN 46815
Inner Light Ministries logo
ILM WELCOMES NEW STAFF MEMBER
Editorial and Publishing Office P.O. Box 164332 Austin, Texas 78716-4332 Phone: (512) 894-0992
FORWARDING SERVICE REQUESTED