I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES NEWSLETTER VOLUME 10 NUMBER 3
FROM
SEPTEMBER, 1999
OUTER TO I
NN E R
by Jim Gordon, President of ILM
D
o you compare yourself to others? That is, do you look outside yourself for verification, and for approval? Recently I have been going through a phase of this — focusing outside myself and away from my own loving, seeking instead acceptance, approval and love from others. I know that the loving I am looking for is found within, and yet there is this part of me that falls into a futile search for it outside myself. For me a phase of approval seeking begins with a change in my focus. I find myself giving greater value to what others are saying than to what I know to be true for me. Often, when I enter into this place, I find I stop talking and just listen, looking for words that support me — that support my position at this time. I then enter into an attitude of self judgment — that my opinions don’t matter as much as others. Instead of immediately forgiving this self-judgement and moving on, I hold on to the judgment, giving it value and power until it grows into, “I’m not as good as ...” I begin to live the judgment as true and I look outside myself again — this time for someone to verify that my judgment is true — that I’m not as good as them or others. And finally, I look for someone to make this alright — to accept me this way and even ‘forgive’ me for not being good enough. The thing is, in spite of this acceptance and forgiveness, I still feel bad and the disturbance continues inside. No matter what someone does, says, forgives or approves I still feel terrible inside. This phase can run for some time if I allow it. I know I have the power in any given moment to stop this action-reaction I am running inside, but sometimes I fall into another old habit pattern of
being ‘the victim’, and allow this painful cycle to continue. It is interesting that when I move into the role of victim I cannot see a way out and I feel that I deserve whatever pain and disturbance is taking place. However, there is another part of me which is totally different from this victim part — another part which knows better and knows the way back to where I am living from ‘inside’ and loving myself for who I am. The first thing I do to find my way back is to look at my attitude. I begin to be aware of what my attitude is in any given moment and see if this attitude is serving me or undermining me. When I realize that my attitude needs changing, one way that I have found to do this is to smile. Even though I do not feel like smiling I smile. It is amazing how changing my facial expression can begin to change my attitude. The smile does not have to be a ‘real’ smile with feeling and joy behind it. It can be me just moving the muscles in my face to form a smile. Automatically, things in me begin to change and I begin to feel the energy shift inside. The more I smile the more things shift. Soon I begin to feel the joy and upliftment behind the smile, and it becomes a smile with feeling. A genuine smile. With a shift in my attitude, I can then begin to look at the words I am using to support me. I can see how I have been looking outside for supportive words. I can also see how I have given my power away to others by focusing on their words and ideas. I begin to pay close attention to the words I am saying to myself. I forgive myself for whatever I have been judging myself for, and I forgive myself for looking outside, giving my power away to others. I then move into loving myself for who I am right now. I say certain phrases that support my shift in attitude: “I Love Myself. I Love Who I Am. I Am A Wonderful Person. God Loves Me As I
Out-In continues on page 6
THE
MUSIC OF LIFE
by Steven McAfee, ILM Midwest Coordinator
next twenty-four hours of our life to God. To our amazement, we felt a new spirit enter into us, a kind of living presence, an energy of rest. I know that is a funny way to describe it, but that is what it was, an energy of rest. We found that our burdens lifted as if someone just took them away. Our anxieties about all the things that usually preoccupy us just vanished. It was as if we had entered a timeless state of being. During that single 24-hour day, I wrote two new songs (I had not written any new songs in months). I gained a major new insight into a parenting situation that I had been unable to sort out before, and I found a powerful new source of spiritual inspiration. My wife and I talked, sat in silence, prayed, read, sang, meditated, and napped together. We shared a presence of peace far beyond anything we had hoped for, and truly felt renewed! I personally felt as though I found my life all over again, that I was moving in rhythm with God once more. Not due to any struggle on my part, but simply by stopping, by listening, by taking the time to rest — spiritually and mentally, not just physically. Remember what I said about the function of “rests” in music? It is difficult for instructors to get new music students to think of “rests” as something. They tend to just skip over them, since they don’t have to “do” anything during that part of the music. They go on as if the rests weren’t there at all, and of course, the music just doesn’t sound right. I realized that this is what I had been doing, ignoring the “rests” God had written into my life, and the “music” just wasn’t going right. If we look, we can see that God has instilled rhythms into our life, a series of movements and rests: the beating and resting of our hearts, the inhalation, exhalation and pauses in between; the seasons of nature and the seasons of our maturing. If we want to bring forth the hidden spirit in the music of our life, we must learn to pay attention to the timing and the rests — rests that are not just falling into the unconscious state of sleep, but the rests of awareness, to “be” with those we love, to “be” Music continues on page 6
hen I was first learning how to play guitar many years ago, my instructor kept emphasizing the importance of timing. Every song has what is called a time signature which tells the musician which kind of note gets one beat and the tempo (pace) at which the piece of music is to be played. One must not only hit all the proper notes, but do so at the proper time for the proper duration. In addition, in music, there is something called a “rest” which is a pause, or moment of silence, between the sounded notes. Without the pauses, there is no music at all, only an endless, chaotic noise. Good musicians develop a “feel” for timing, knowing the sounds and the silences are of equal importance and must flow together in the right rhythm. Great musicians have a flair for timing and resting that brings out the depths of the spirit, or life, hidden within a piece of music, a life that lesser musicians never quite reveal in their performance. As in music, tempo and pace are key aspects of life in general — and while I have developed a pretty good feel for musical timing, ‘real life’ timing and resting are still challenging for me. The pace of life seems to grant little rest, and the tempo seems to always be frantic. I find it all too easy to get caught up in the “doing” — all the activities, creative ventures, obligations, and commitments — that I can sometimes lose touch with my “being.” Then I find myself losing my “feel” for the song of my life. I can tell this is happening when my opportunities begin to feel like obligations, when I work from need rather than inspiration, and when I am not enthusiastic about much of anything I am doing. Not long ago, when I was in just such a state, my wife and I decided to take a full 24-hour Sabbath, a day of rest from the world. We came home from work, made a lovely little dinner for ourselves on our best china, put fresh flowers on the table, lit candles, said a prayer, and offered the
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I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES
CALENDAR
CLASSES & PROGRAMS: SEPTEMBER 1999 - DECEMBER 1999 PRESENTED BY JIM GORDON:
For additional information, call Laura Kesten at 512-894-0992
W
EEKLY
CLASSES:
Jim’s weekly Austin class is held Tuesdays 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm,
ILM Center, Franklin Sq. Bldg., 3724 Jefferson, Ste. 100, Austin, TX.
Classes include spiritual teaching, practical exercises, group discussion, and meditation. Jim helps participants to become more deeply in touch with the Spirit within.
INNER LIGHT MINISTRIES presents:
TO TOUCH A HEART with ILM Ministers: Jim Gordon, Laura Kesten, and Steven McAfee
at the beautiful
SEASONS - A CENTER
FOR
RENEWAL
FETZER INSTITUTE KALAMAZOO , MICHIGAN
AT THE IN
DATE: Friday, November 5 - Sunday, November 7 TIME: 7:30 pm Friday - 1:00 pm Sunday COST: $100 For further information call Steven McAfee at 219-485-2167. The "To Touch the Heart" retreat has been designed to help us experience the 'spiritual heart' that resides within each of us. Come and experience with us the qualities of our spiritual hearts coming forth — qualities of unconditional loving, neutrality, forgiveness, and living in the presence of loving — so that we can continue to grow into the true spirit of who we are. ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○
ILM Registration Form: Please send check (payable to ILM) along with this registration form to: STEVEN MCAFEE , 6228 LOMBARD PLACE , FORT WAYNE, IN 46815 (Please print)
NAME(S): ADDRESS & ZIP CODE: DAYTIME PHONE:
EVENING PHONE: 3
(This pullout ILM Calendar continues on pages 4, 5 and 6.)
I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES CALENDAR PRESENTED BY LAURA KESTEN: For additional information, call Laura Kesten at 512-894-0992
W : This workshop is designed to engage us, The Writers, in comW municating more naturally between emotion-and-thought and pen-and-paper, thereby unfolding THE
RITER
ITHIN
more of who we are. The emphasis is on the process, not on form, technique, or product. A safe environment is created both for the writer and sharer.
Sept. 11 Nov. 20
9:00 am - 5:00 pm 9:00 am - 4:00 pm
Urbana, OH Austin, TX
$25 $15
A C IRCLE OF WOMEN:
Mon thly gathering. This evening is specially dedicated in the celebration of ancient woman spirit, where women join together to experience the support of an uplifting, nurturing, and self-empowering circle. Sept. 17, Oct. 22
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm
ILM Center, Austin, TX
NC
P
EACEMAKER: The Iroquois legend of the PeaceMaker, dating back to AD 1200, is a historically- noted influence on the forming of our American nation. We offer this workshop as an opportunity to journey through the rich Iroquois story of the PeaceMaker, reliving its teachings and participating in transformational processes, thus bringing us closer to the heart of our own PeaceMaker within. Come and experience this very powerful workshop. The registration fee includes lodging, meals, all materials, and Jean Houston’s book, A Manual for the PeaceMaker.
Sept. 24-26
Pretty Lake Vacation Camp
Mattawan, MI
$125
J
In this two-day retreat we will explore techniques in A OURNEY TO F ORGIVENESS: forgiving and letting go. As part of this process, we will view the ‘98 Sundance Award Winning Film, Smoke Signals, which portrays one man’s journey to forgiving his father, and use this as a vehicle to explore more deeply our own unforgiven issues. We have selected an exclusive venue, Yarrow, which provides a beautiful setting and a cozy non-traditional meeting room, to assist in promoting a safe and relaxed environment. Dec. 18-19
Sat. 7:00 pm-Sun. 5:00 pm
Yarrow Retreat Center, Augusta, MI
$135
TWO NEW TAPES
Angels
Soul vs Ego
In this tape Jim shares his experiences of angels, describing guardian angels, archangels, solar angels, healing angels and much more.
In this tape Jim speaks of the differences between the Soul and the ego and how a person can gain more awareness of Self as a Soul.
To Order: Each tape is $8.95 (Please include $3 per order for shipping and handling.) Checks may be made payable to Inner Light Ministries and sent to: Inner Light Ministries, P.O. Box 164332, Austin, Texas 78716-4332. Please include your name, address and phone number. Allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. 4
I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES CALENDAR PRESENTED BY STEVEN R. MCAFEE: For additional information, call Steven at 219-485-2167
W
EEKLY
CLASSES:
Steven’s weekly class is held Tuesdays 7:30 pm - 9:00 pm, at
Unity Church, 3232 Crescent Ave., Ft. Wayne, IN.
Classes include spiritual teaching, music, meditation, practical application, and group sharing.
S
MYSTICAL BIBLE STUDY:
Discover the mystical teachings in the Bible and how to apply them in your life. The following Sundays, 9:00 am - 10:00 am, at 6228 Lombard Place, Ft. Wayne, IN (please note that Sunday meetings are not held on the weekends when ILM workshops or retreats are scheduled; call Steven for up-to-date information). Families are welcome. September 19 & 26, October 3, 10 & 31, November 14 & 21, and December 5, 12 & 19, 1999 UNDAY
S
UNDAY S ERVICES: Steven conducts worship services as a guest for various churches and spiritual groups in the Ft. Wayne area. Please call for additional programs scheduled after we went to press with this issue. Sept. 19, Oct. 10, Nov. 21 and Dec. 19 Brigade of Light, 11:00 am worship service, YWCA Villa, Ft. Wayne, IN and Oct. 17 Swedenborg Church, 10:00 am worship service, Urbana, Ohio
S PIRITUAL RENEWAL:
Though the calendar says that New Year’s Day is January 1, for many of us, with the onset of our new back-to-school-and-work activities, our “new year” feels as if it actually begins in the fall. Come join us for the weekend at GilChrist to begin a new year of spiritual renewal. We’ll look at our lives and begin to weed out those activities and patterns that choke out the flowers of our enthusiasm and creativity. Make a new start by planting the seeds you want to grow in your garden. Remember, it’s your garden. Sept. 10-12
THE
Fri. 7:30 pm - Sun. 1:00 pm
Three Rivers, MI
$100
S TORYTELLER:
This program will focus on the wisdom taught and passed on through stories. You will hear all kinds of stories that speak to the heart: stories from ancient lands, stories from the oral traditions out of which the Bible grew, and even children’s stories revealing the hidden wisdom of great teachers such as Winnie-the-Pooh. This event is for both adults and children. Oct. 9
AN
10:00 am - 4:00 pm
Unity Christ Church, Ft. Wayne, IN
$20
E
Spend an evening with Steven singing VENING OF SONGS AND STORIES: inspirational songs, sharing munchies, hearing stories from the heart, and relaxing in the warmth of fellowship together. Detailed directions and additional information will be sent to all registrants. Oct. 16
7:00 pm
Urbana, Ohio
Donation
Steven’s Calendar continues on next page
5
I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES CALENDAR PRESENTED BY STEVEN R. MCAFEE: (CONTINUED) For additional information, call Steven at 219-485-2167
FESTIVALS OF LIGHTS:
The Festival of Lights, or Hanukkah, will be taking place today around the world for Jews, lighting candles of remembrance and dedication. Two weeks later, Christians all over the globe will be lighting Christmas trees and decorating their homes with brightly colored lights, to remember and celebrate Christ. Why the emphasis on light during spiritual holidays? What can it teach us about the Inner Light? How can we create a festival within our spirit, so that we can radiate light into the world of our everyday lives? Dec. 11
10:00 am - 4:00 pm
Ft. Wayne, IN
$20
COMMUNITY NIGHTS:
The Ft. Wayne ILM “community” periodically gets together to share in potlucks, music nights, video nights, and outings. Most of these events are also suitable for children. They are usually scheduled spontaneously as an inspiration arises within the group. Please call Steven for current information. This year we will once again have our annual Christmas celebration in our home. Please join us in candlelit prayer, caroling, and sharing. Children are welcome; refreshments will be provided. Tues. Dec. 21
6:30 - 8:30 pm
6228 Lombard Place, Ft. Wayne, IN
No charge
Advance notice - January 2000 Events: On Sunday, January 2nd, Steven McAfee will be conducting a special worship service at 10:00 am at Unity Christ Church in Ft. Wayne, IN. Following the service, there will be a potluck lunch and then a seminar from 1:00-4:00 pm. The seminar will be entitled, “The New Millennium is Here — Now What?” Join us for a lively and enlightening discussion.
2000
Note: please be aware that new programs are often scheduled after the newsletter goes to press, and, in rare instances, published schedules may have to be altered. For current information on any event or series, please call the presenter or contact person listed with the program. Thank you. by Jim Gordon
by Steven McAfee
Out-In continued
Music continued
Am. I Love God And Live In God’s Loving.” Simple phrases that work for me, that support who I am. I also journal about what I have been going through and what I have learned about myself through this process. In journaling I find things come clearer in my understanding and provide reference points for the future. Then when I find myself in a similar place in the future, I can move through the situation quicker and with more awareness. What I know to be true for me is that when I am looking outside myself for love, verification and acceptance I am living in separation and as ‘the victim’. When I choose to move my focus and look inside for loving and acceptance, I find a peaceful, healing and loving place to live in.
with ourselves, and to “be” with God. In these moments of intentional and conscious rest, we can reflect upon the “music” we are making; we can listen for the new music in us that is waiting to be brought forth, and we can catch our breath before beginning a new refrain. So, if it ever seems that you, like me, are so caught in the endless whirl of activities that you are losing your “feel” for your life and missing its hidden spirit, perhaps it is time to rest, to breathe, and to pay attention to your timing. Perhaps, in the great symphony of life, what is most important about moments of rest is that they give “musicians” (like us) the opportunity to look toward the “Conductor” for direction. After all, it is He, not the individual musician, who is coordinating all the music. 6
WANTING GOD MORE by Laura Kesten-Beaver, ILM Minister seeing this film, I’ve been asking myself — “Would I put God and my love for Him above my desire of wanting that truck?” In the film the woman, in a moment of physical and mental exhaustion, forgot what she was doing on that car lot, and only remembered her love for God. The woman was interviewed shortly after the ending of the contest. She was in tears. She could not believe that she had lost. But I cannot help to wonder — did she? Perhaps all the praying, and the singing, and the believing that this woman and her followers did over the course of 70+ hours helped to invite God — His love and His light — to become more present in their minds and hearts. Her story also reminds me (once again) that what we pray for — a truck, a house, a job, our health, etc., may not be in our best interest, that is, according to God’s plan for us. I remember when I was a little girl, around nine years old, I really wanted this doll for my birthday and I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I truly believed that if I prayed long and hard enough God would know that I was a true believer and I would get what I was praying for. But that wasn’t how the story went. My birthday came and went and I did not get this doll I had so diligently prayed for. I was dismayed that God had not heard my prayers and felt He had let me down. I did not pray to Him for a long, long time. I felt that if He wasn’t going to listen to me, then there was no point in praying to Him. It wasn’t until much later in my life that I realized that He indeed listens all the time, but what I have in mind for my life may be very different from what He sees fit for me. He is in charge, and He is the only one who knows what is best for me, even though I think I might know. The winner of the contest said, “I guess she just wanted God a little more than the truck.” Since seeing this film my new saying everyday has been: “Today I just want God a little more than __________.”
M
y husband and I just saw an entertaining and interesting movie called HANDS ON A H ARD BODY . It was a documentary about a contest in which a car dealership gave away a brand new truck — loaded. The winner of the contest was to be the last person standing with his/her hand still on the truck. Contestants stood (no sitting or squatting allowed!) all around the truck with one hand placed on the truck’s body. A contestant could change hands but one hand had to always be on the body of the truck at all times. If the contestant’s hand came off the truck for any reason and at any time, (except for the scheduled hourly 5-minute breaks), the contestant was disqualified. The last person whose hand was still on the truck would drive the truck off the lot. The contest came down to two people: a man who happened to be the oldest contestant, and a woman who had been listening to religious music via headphones throughout the contest. More than 70 hours had passed and the two remaining contestants were both physically and mentally tired. One of them was bound to make a mistake. The woman had lots of people praying for her to win the truck — friends, family, church members. She and her supporters believed that she was going to win this truck because God would answer their prayers. The man said little. He had the “just wait and see what happens” attitude. Then, in a moment of excitement, as the woman was singing her songs to God, she joined her hands together to clap with the music — music which brought her so much joy, which opened her heart to God, which took her hand off the truck. She would not, as she and her followers had prayed for, be driving the truck off the lot. When the winner was interviewed, he was asked if he had seen what had happened. His comment was gracious — and perceptive: “Yes, I saw it. I guess she just wanted God a little more than she wanted the truck.” I was struck by his comment. Ever since 7
I NNER L IGHT M INISTRIES NEWSLETTER ABOUT ILM INNER LIGHT MINISTRIES (ILM) is a nonprofit outreach organization founded in the fundamental principles of ancient esoteric Christianity. It is dedicated to the development and balancing of the fourfold nature of the individual. Towards this goal, it provides education and services concerned with the integration of the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical aspects of the self, and also provides publications and materials that aid in this process. Among its fundamental tenets is that we really are “temples of the Holy Spirit.” As we seek and express this presence within, we find the peace, love, power, and wisdom we all so earnestly desire. The many services of ILM are geared towards this path of individual unfoldment—such as meditation, study, and prayer on an individual and group basis.
ILM:
from Soul
vs Ego by Jim Gordon
(See Tape Ad on Page 4.)
“You are greater than [your ego]. For you are the living, loving essence of the Lord. You are a Spirit in this body and in this realm. And that’s what this search is really all about ... It’s really to come into the greater knowing of who you are ... that Spirit of who you are.” - Jim Gordon Service to humanity and the planet is ILM’s second major emphasis, and ILM encourages individual service, in any of a wide variety of possible forms, as a vital aspect of our daily experience. Please write or phone for more information.
Executive Office: Jim Gordon, 203 Buckeye Trail, Austin, TX 78746; Business Office: Tom Beaver, P.O. Box 1086, Dripping Springs, TX 78620; Midwest Office: Steven McAfee, 6228 Lombard Place, Fort Wayne, IN 46815
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EXCERPTS
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