SECOND OPINION

The thinking process covers so much ground, from pondering solutions to day-to-day business problems, to baring one’s soul to friends and colleagues. Sue Lovell runs through the gamut of emotions that affect her life

This week I heard myself utter those dreadful words, “Do you know who I am?” I drove home from a meeting, in a stunned daze that I had actually said those words – out loud. Other people around me had heard me say it, and after an awkward silence and pitying glances I left, distraught and mortified, and so embarrassed.

For some reason, asking that hideous question, made me question who I actually was, I found my confidence was knocked and I was questioning my own identity, and my own self worth.

I was talking to a friend, another shop owner that evening, re-living the events of the day, and she said that at times, she too doubted herself, questioned who she really was, as so many people saw her as her business, and didn’t think she had an identity other than that of her ’Shop Persona’.

For so many of us, outside of our family we are known more for what we do for a living, rather than for the people we really are. But then, we often are so tied up with our own businesses, that it is hard to separate our work life from our real life.

Work can be so all consuming, the focus is on how other people are feeling, and we somehow lose ourselves. Is that just me, and does everyone else feel totally whole, and completely put together? It certainly feels like that sometimes.

I see amazing women, so selfassured, so complete, and so in control, and I am in awe. I honestly hurtle from one chaotic situation to another, trying to give off an air of calm, but I am sure everyone can see me flapping, can see me falling. I do not like to appear on social media, I hate being in photos or videos and will complete obstacle courses worthy of the SAS to get out of a group picture. But still, not being recognised stung!

I have been in places, miles away from home, and met people who know me through my business. I have been in airports and introduced as “My wedding dress lady”. In March of this year, I was recognised at the London Show from appearing in the pages of The Wedding Trader – fame at last. But in general, I am a wallflower, I like to go through life, anonymous, I don’t feel I need validation or recognition, I just like to get through each day with everyone around me safe and as little drama as possible.

Changes

2022 will no doubt be memorable for many reasons. A year when weddings finally happened again, without Covid complications. For those of us who do alterations, as well as sales, it truly is a whirlwind season of boobs and ankles, as we pin, fit and get to see our storage rails empty, and our alterations rail swell.

I have never had so many alterations, as three wedding seasons merge into one. For many brides, so

much ‘life’ has happened since they chose their dress in 2018/19 ready for the 2020 weddings, that never happened.

Covid may have brought challenges, and disappointments, but it also gave them time to make babies, and new plans, find new loves and new adventures. I have seen brides who have had babies, (plural), and who have changed shape, and wedding plans completely, to fit in with the new life that they now enjoy.

No fitting is the same, as we design change, shape change, and size change, but what does remain constant is the excitement. People are getting married again, and not necessarily always to the person they originally intended. That’s life, we go with the flow, we may find people, and lose people, and we keep moving forward.

Sharing

I do have friends outside of the Industry, but some of my closest and dearest friends are ones who I have met at a Harrogate catwalk, or a London Champagne bar, or who I helped find a dress long ago, and who I now have ‘date night’ with.

Some friends were once reps, who came to me to sell me dresses, but now we meet up to have fun, have a chat, and just ‘be’. We meet up at events, and also just socially, and this month I am very much looking forward to meeting up with some BrideCo members for a Spa break – indeed as this very publication hits our inboxes and social media platforms, I may be being vigorously pummelled and gently tickled with oils, as we meet up for the serious business of relaxation.

We chat, sit in bubbles, drink different bubbles, sit on towels and in saunas, and then in the bar, and we drink in the experiences and the company of others, people who know exactly the joys and stresses we all face.

It may seem a frivolous luxury, but it is also a therapy, a detox and a grounding, that reminds us all of who we are, and that we all need some downtime, and to find ourselves for a few moments. If the rewards my business has brought me is counted in friendships, and experiences then I am a mogul, and although none of that was in my opening business plan, and may not make my spreadsheets look any healthier, or my accountant any happier, to me, they are priceless.

It was whilst I was chatting with a bridal friend, who makes my heart sing, and my sides ache in that order, and I was bemoaning the fact that I was not recognised by someone who I clearly thought should know me. She told me who she knows me to be. She told me that when she talks of me to others, she tells them how funny I am, and she shares our stories, and they laugh, I brighten up their day apparently, and they laugh hard, not with me, but at me.

Not bridal related, not business related, but she likes to tell others of a personal experience that I had, one I had shared with her over a Prosecco. (And It would have been

one Prosecco, as I cannot hold my drink; a half glass of something bubbly has recently seen me ordering things from London, that I have absolutely no recollection of at all, but my unmistakable ‘x’ sits clearly at the bottom of the orders).

Not all things to all people

So my lovely friend shares with strangers the events of a summer evening. It was a hot night, and after an exhausting day, I dropped my clothes on the bathroom floor, threw myself in the shower, and washed away the heat of the day. It was such a hot night, we could hardly sleep, but we were woken in the middle of the night by a smell directly from the bowels of hell. Our cat had decided it was far too hot for her to make her way outside, so had relieved herself of a very heavy load, in our bathroom. Everyone in my family knows my gag reflex is on a hair trigger, so my gallant husband dealt with the situation, threw open the windows even wider to get a whisper of some fresh air, and we went back to a restless sleep.

We were woken ridiculously early, to the sounds of the lawnmower, and as the gardener cut our grass, we rose to start the day. I wished her a cheery good morning, I offered her a cuppa. She couldn’t even look at me.

I had no idea what had got her so mardy on such a beautiful morning but I made her a cup of tea despite her grumpy demeanor. I stepped out of the back door, cup in hand, to be greeted by the clothes I was wearing the day before. Perfectly in place on the patio, outside the back door, looking for all the world as if I had carefully slipped out of my trousers and my pants, and left them where they fell. My pants were still inside my trousers, cradling the contents from the cat in the crotch. My idiot husband had sleepily and carefully dropped the horrors of the night before out of the landing window, rather than actually taking care of the problem like a normal person. We no longer have a gardener, she never came back. My husband cuts the lawn now.

Understanding

So that is what some people know of me, whereas others know me from work, from my shop, or from BrideCo, or perhaps even from these pages. The person who didn’t seem to know me recently, was the one person who should know me better than anyone. My beautiful Dad.

But it’s okay, it really is. He will talk about his daughter to me, and I can see that she brings him joy, and she makes things safe, so whilst I have to come to terms with the fact that he may not always know who I am, in a strange way, I think I finally do.

“I have seen brides who have had babies (plural), and who have changed shape and wedding plans completely to fit in with the new life that they now enjoy”