WHEN IT’S TIME FOR A NEW CHAPTER

Sue Lovell is a listener. And she talks to retailers when they question the validity of their business, offering them advice and, importantly, support

So… your best friend phones you at midnight, distraught, can’t sleep and literally can’t face the day ahead because the relationship they are in is causing them to be sick with anxiety.

Or perhaps, your friend tells you that the relationship is on the rocks, better things, greener pastures await, bright new possibilities are on the horizon, they just need to get out of the relationship they are in. “It’s not you, it’s me. The love is just not there anymore, the passion is elsewhere”. What would you say to your friend? You’d hopefully say: “we will work it out together, you don’t have to stay where you are, so unhappy and alone.” But if it’s bridal business rather than a relationship - then what do you say? I would, and I do say exactly the same thing: “Let’s find a way out of this, you are going to be okay!” But so often the response from others, from strangers, is a judgement of failure and shame, a verdict delivered via social media posts. I know I’m a broken record, and I’ve been saying this for more years than I can remember, but closing a business does not mean you are a failure. It should not mean people distance themselves from you, and it certainly should not have you contemplating hurling yourself off a bridge. The trolls are under the bridge, don’t feed them. We all change, adapt and move on in some capacity, and whether in every day life or work life, the main focus should ultimately be on what is right for us, right now and in getting us to the right place in the future. We hear so much about what to do when running your business, and we need to drink in all the wonderful positives and pearls of wisdom on offer – but we can’t ignore that sometimes it is time to move on. Over the years, I have been involved in helping some shops close down. The goal is always to close without casualties. Customers are usually aware of the closure date, and are sad but supportive. But then there are the other closures – not so planned, but forced. Often, it can be seen a mile off by the owner, but positive affirmations and serious praying has not worked, and time has run out. It still comes as a shock.

The learning curve

So what can we learn from shops that have been and gone? Firstly, no one on social media knows your business, so their two pennies are not valid currency. If someone has the time to dedicate to being a keyboard hag, trying to profit from your closure, that speaks volumes about them, not you. Nothing they have to say affects you – because they are not worth a moment of your time. You have better

and more valuable things to focus on.

Believe me when I say, we all know who these people are. They are neither respected nor are their opinions valued, so if you are giving a second of your time worrying about what the stone throwers think, reclaim your time now. You will find nothing of use where they like to dwell so don’t go there, don’t listen.

One owner told me, that if she spent time on tackling problems, rather than on social media worrying about comments, she wouldn’t have had half the stress. Focus on what matters, not the noise.

The right advice

But who do you listen to, when you know it is time to close? Those who have been there, those who know exactly what you are going through, is a good place to start, because they navigated that swamp, and guess what - they didn’t die, they didn’t wither away, and they have moved on. Because what they feared the most, didn’t actually happen – they survived, even if the business didn’t. But they often fade away, their story not heard – because we don’t want to face what we don’t find pleasant or positive. But that needs to change. The more we know, the more we grow. I caught up with someone recently who closed last year, her perspective may help someone thinking of their future in bridal right now. “I thought I was a victim of the pandemic, or a shameful failure, depending on what day it was, and I wallowed in that place for too long, waiting for something to happen. Every day I felt sick, avoiding the phone calls, ignoring staff questions. I planned to end it all, slip away one night and save my family the grief of being associated with me. That still upsets me – how did I think that would help anyone?

“The day it all hit the fan, I spoke with the Insolvency Practitioners, and they told me that my company was insolvent, not me - my business. They took the personal aspect out of it and made it less about me, and more about the facts. I needed to hear that.

“There was no more money to pay the bills, and no more lifelines. I had already tried to get outstanding orders in, with personal funds, and with the help of others got dresses in from different routes. Other shops rallied around and helped me out – they don’t even know who they helped, they just knew a shop needed help to find a customer dress or veil, and they got it to me.

“But there were some inevitable ones that I couldn’t get in time, and they were the ones keeping me awake at night. There were a very few who claimed back on their credit card and the reality was that no customer lost out financially, but I do recognise that the stress caused to them initially was devastating.

“Everything was sold, fixtures and fittings included, but that didn’t come close to paying off everything, but it did go a fair way. In hindsight, I should have acted sooner, I waited probably a year too long. My advice would be

to get professional help – there are things that can be done to limit the damage. I didn’t, because I was scared of what people would think; where are those people now? Now I know they didn’t matter. I do feel bad about the suppliers who were not paid, but it was the customers who really were my main concern. “When everything was sorted, the suppliers got something, but not the full amounts. When I separated “If someone has the time to myself from the business, the dedicate to being a keyboard pressure lifted. I ran a vibrant successful shop for a long time, hag, trying to profit from your and I am proud of that – I wish I closure, that speaks volumes had acted sooner, got a grip earlier, missed a collection for a season, about them, not you.” there are so many things I could have done differently – but I can’t allow myself to go there. What I do know is that my life changed, because it needed to, I could not go on the way I was. “If I could go back in time, I would plan to close with the same care and attention I gave my shop when It opened. The people who supported me, the businesses who were owed money deserved that from me, but I was scared and I wasn’t honest with myself. I wasn’t in control, and I should have been. But that’s all I would change, I do not regret closing, I just wish I had been better prepared for how to go about it.”