Experiencing grief as a nurse

Experiencing Grief as a Nurse This is a personal story of grief told by Susan, a retired nurse.

Grief is something almost everyone will experience in their lifetime. Grief can be over a loved one, a friend, or a pet among other things. As someone who has certainly had my share of grief, I would like to add a personal touch to this.

1993 The summer of 1993 was a long summer. After a battle with prostate cancer, my father passed away. I had to be there for my mom, so my grief had to be silenced while in her presence. What bothered me the most was that my fiancé and I had decided to get married well ahead of our planned October wedding, I did not think my dad would make it that long. We went away for the weekend and married, with intentions of surprising my parents on my dad’s birthday. The problem was, he did not make it to his birthday, passing away a few days prior. Much of my grief was over the fact that I did not have the opportunity to share the good news with my father. My mother grieved, however my family and I helped her through it, and she soon adjusted to living on her own.

Related: What Area of Nursing is Best for Student Nurses January 1998 My husband had not been feeling very well, and someone made the comment he looked very pale. I had to agree, he did not look his usual cheerful self. After an ultra sound and an endoscopy, we received the news that my husband, only in his 40s, had pancreatic cancer. Because I was in the health profession, I knew exactly what was to come. It had already spread to his liver.

My grief started that very day. I knew that I would lose him way too soon, and I went through a range of emotions, all associated with grief. Anger I could not help but feel this was not fair. He was not a drinker or smoker.

He was however a chemist working with chemicals’ could not help but wonders if his career choice caused this. Others in our lives offered words of hope, but from that day of the diagnosis, my grief began. My dear mother tried to say he could beat it, which I knew very well would not happen.

Others just did not know what to say, other than one very dear friend of ours. He said, we will all die someday, his time may be too soon, but we will

all go someday. Reality was just what I needed in that moment, and those words actually helped.

Then came months of chemo, some good days, and some bad, but we were together. The problem I felt like was the entire time, even on the good days, that grief hung over me 24/7. In September after his diagnosis, I received a call that my mom had fallen. I traveled back home, assuming a fall isn’t good, but not that terrible either. By the time I arrived she was in a coma. Her fall caused her to lie in the floor for 18 hours, and when paramedics lifted her, she had a heart attack. I lost my mother that day very unexpectedly.

Arriving back home, my husband went for his routine ultra sound, and we were told the tumor had doubled in size. First my mother, now my husband.

I felt like I walked in a bubble of grief non-stop. 5 months later I lost my husband after a difficult battle. The very strange thing was, I did not grieve as much after his death as I did while he was alive. I finally came to terms with the fact that I had grieved over the inevitable, which in some ways lessened my grief after his passing.

Related: How to Properly Express a Complaint at Work There is one thing I learned. This has helped me many times with the families of patients. That is, there are no set rules for grief. Just as every person is unique, so is grief. Explain to the family members that their grief is something unique to them, and when others say, “you should” etc., take it with a grain of salt. Don’t top grief off with guilt. No loved one would want that for their family. If the family wants grief support, it should be available, if not; it may just be the way the family grieves. The one certain thing about the grieving process is: There is no right or wrong way.

Related: Skilled Registered Nurse, Certified Hospice Nurse and Certified Legal Nurse Consultant Lucinda Perkins, RN, will be Spotlighted in the Worldwide Leaders in Healthcare Please follow us on Facebook, Linkedin, Pinterest and Twitter