soul searching yvonne syed

i know we have yet to meet so i pass my time dreaming you up, occupied and lost in my thoughts, visiting you in my dreams

i mention you in a prayer here and there i don’t even have a name to call you by, but i know you’re out there somewhere

i admit, at times i’ve gone soul searching in the wrong people and mistaken them for you

i’m sorry they looked so much like the love i hope you’d offer me someday they smelled like the sweetness of fresh potential they were the big-screen i’d project all my fantasies onto it felt as though i was living a dream of a life turns out, it was only make-believe

little did i know, every ideal of what love was that ever existed in my mind would not equate to you

you see, that was the old me young, starry-eyed and filled with naivety

if i’m being honest, i hope you’ll surprise me.

i imagine now, you will be an intermediary between everything i never knew i needed and everything i’ve ever hoped for, at once wrapped up in a basket, tied with a bow, handed to me by God

as if the universe hadn’t been waiting for our acquaintance all along. you make the old love look cheap and lousy loves that were simply delved into too fast, just a rush of excitement a temporary bliss, never truly meant to build anything worth lasting misinterpreted for the raw, authentic love you have to offer

they’ve had nothing on you, my love.

you are the only soul who has nurtured my flowers deep into the root, understood just how i blossomed, for i stemmed my way up to bloom i made myself sturdy and strong as i awaited you for i am a beautiful flower on my own, but i long to grow with you

and i’d imagine you’d have a bit of hopeless romantic in you too for we were made of the same stardust, back when we were matched in heaven of course, we’d share the same energy visions, dreams.

i anticipate the very moment our eyes meet our brows raise, and our souls having waited their entire lives for this, finally greet one another

oh how you touch my mind and my heart without even touching me how you explore my existence like a rare, unknown galaxy

and through endless conversation, our mouths speak at last, in love, our lips lock and our hearts beat

no, our hearts race faster and faster

i picture us well into our twenties: we are dancing to our favourite song stepping across the living room carpet, in our apartment our bodies pressed against one another, we sway to the rhythm of the beat my arms around your shoulders your hands hug my waist, we set the pace together, we are in sync as i look up to face you, i see forever in your eyes — the most we’ll make of our numbered days

end of vision…

till then, i will be ever searching, soul-searching waiting for you to reach me. x

SOUL SEARCHING

WORDS by YVONNE SYED ART by JAVAN WELLUM

by MANSI PATEL ART