SORTED magazine : Jan / Feb 2013 by INDEPENDENT NEWS LTD.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

11/12/12

10:40

Page 1

FRANK PERETTI EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK

Sorted ®

DAN WALKER

JEFF

RED SOX

NO ROOM

SHEFFIELD

Jan/Feb 2013

sorted-magazine.com

LUCAS

AT THE

INN INSIDE THIS ISSUE:

RAY WINSTONE NOAH-BODY DOES IT BETTER

NICK VUJICIC NO LEGS TO STAND ON

£3.50

In partnership with

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 2

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 3

Vol. 7 | No. 1 5

Up Front with Steve Legg

ACTION 11 The Bear Facts with Bear Grylls

COLUMNISTS 14 Diamond Geezer with Ant Delaney

www.sorted-magazine.com

Contents January/February 2013

16 Your Will, Mott Mine with Alex Willmott 19 Compassion

with Kate Sharma and Rosette Mutoni

CULTURE 20 Movies with Martin Leggatt 22 Television with Emily Russell 23 Gaming with Jim Lockey

Features He’s a lean, keen, former Marine by Joy Tibbs

James Richards trained hard to earn his Green Beret and experienced some pretty tough times as a Royal Marines Commando. But although he had gained the recognition he craved, something was still missing from his life.

24 DVD & Blu Ray with Martin Leggatt 26 Books with Mark Anderson

LIFESTYLE

Get yourself off to a flying start by Joy Tibbs

Ever listened to “I believe I can fly” and felt like trying it out? Now you can. BA is offering special flight simulator experiences with a trained pilot. The sky really is the limit!

29 Cars with Sam Burnett 33 What do your socks say about you?

Nick Vujicic goes out on a limb by Joy Tibbs

34 Top Gear

Being born with no arms or legs would spell utter despair for most people. Nick Vujicic, however, is using his disability to show others that life truly is worth living. If he can play football and skydive, then what’s to stop each of us fulﬁlling our dreams?

36 Sixty Second Life Coach with Peter Horne

BUSINESS 60 We’re in Business with Charles Humphreys

A Peretti good read by Joy Tibbs

61 Making Your Mark with Stuart Rivers

Take an elaborate plot, a captivating writing style and some crazy twists and what have you got? Frank Peretti’s latest novel. He tells Sorted all about the book and the life that led up to it.

62 Relationology with Matt Bird

ADVICE

The C in the room, the P in the pocket by Gerald Coates and Nathan Ferreira

64 Smart Talk

Technology can be a fantastic thing. It allows us to contact people across the globe, instantly listen to our favourite music and play games while we’re on the loo. But Gerald Coates and Nathan Ferreira explore what happens when it clutters up our lives and leads us down the wrong paths.

67 Big Questions with Jonathan Sherwin

OPINION

69 Family with Richard Hardy

72 Cut to the Chase with Lee and Baz

The good, the bad and The Sweeney

SPORT

by Kim Francis

74 Mark Chester

When Kim Francis meets everybody’s favourite Cockney geezer for a drink and a chat, she is surprised when he turns up with sunglasses on. Will he peel the specs off and expose what lies beneath or will the account he offers be filtered through rose-tinted glasses?

70 Faith with Sam Gibb 71 Politics with Lyndon Bowring

76 Ruan Pienaar 81 Focusing on Football with Dan Walker

HEALTH & FITNESS

Moviestore Collection/Rex Features

RAY WINSTONE

68 Money with Jon Cobb

82 Fitness with Phil Baines 83 Nutrition with Caroline Gerrie

A lost cause? by Kathy Freeman

84 Lifestyle Doc with Dr Chidi

Money trouble can hit hard, and often men are the worst aﬀected because they are too proud to ask for help. Christians Against Poverty (CAP) explores the warning signs and encourages men to swallow their pride and get the ﬁnancial assistance they need.

85 Healthy Cooking with Mike Darracott

HUMOUR 86 Stand Up and Deliver with Andy Kind 88 Lucas Aid with Jeﬀ Lucas 90 The Last Word with Carl Beech

Cover picture: Rex Features

The man on the street by Sandra Smith

One man’s strange journey from petty thief to charity founder. Once stealing to get by, Duncan Dyason is now dedicated to giving street children in Guatemala a better chance in life and has found time to repair damaged relationships within his own family.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 4

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

Sorted.

7/12/12

10:46

Page 5

STEVE LEGG

Up Front © Laurin Rinder | Dreamstime.com

Publisher & Editor Steve Legg steve@sorted-magazine.com Deputy Editor Joy Tibbs joy@sorted-magazine.com Sports Editor Stuart Weir Marketing & Advertising Rebekah Taylor rebekah@sorted-magazine.com Duncan Williams Tel: 07960 829615 Classified Advertising Simon Croucher simon@sorted-magazine.com Design Andy Ashdown Design www.andyashdowndesign.co.uk Print Halcyon www.halcyonline.co.uk Distribution COMAG © Sorted Magazine 2012 Sorted is published by Son Christian Media (SCM) Ltd. The acceptance of advertising does not indicate editorial endorsement. SCM holds names and addresses on computer for the purpose of mailing in accordance with the terms registered under the Data Protection Act 1984. Sorted is protected by copyright and nothing may be produced wholly or in part without prior permission.

Contact Sorted Magazine

A marriage made in heaven

y wife likes to keep me real. She also likes to keep me reminded of my mistakes. Almost daily she relays to the twittersphere my Freudian slips, my oﬀ-the-cuﬀ remarks and my ill-thought-out (or not-thought-out-at-all) comments. On a Saturday night she can be relied upon to let the world know the Match of the Day status in the Legg household. Woe betide me if I have asked her to be quiet while it’s on, which of course I will have done, because who wants to miss a goal because of a conversation that can be had tomorrow? (I can hear her getting her phone out as I write to tweet about that remark!)

SHE ROLLED HER EYES AND TOLD ME THAT, WITH HER HISTORY, I’D HAVE TO BE ON A PAR WITH HITLER AND MUSSOLINI TO CLASSIFY AS BAD.

PO Box 3070, Littlehampton, West Sussex, BN17 6WX, UK Tel: 01903 732190 E-mail: steve@sorted-magazine.com

www.sorted-magazine.com Follow us on Twitter:

SortedMagazine Find us on Facebook:

Sorted Men’s Magazine Watch us on YouTube:

Sorted Magazine Download the App:

Sorted Magazine

This, however, is small fry in comparison to dinner party conversations, where she will inevitably tell our guests about how we got together. Or, more to the point, how I valiantly evaded getting together. Because evade I did; she calls it ‘commitment dodging’. She’s right. Bless her, from the minute I met her, I knew she was diﬀerent. She was amazing. But that scared the living daylights out of me. I was a single dad with four kids, my ﬁrst wife had left me for someone else, I couldn’t contemplate trusting someone new. So I told her we lived too far apart. She laughed and said that was stupid, that distance didn’t matter.

So, I told her I was bad boyfriend material. She rolled her eyes and told me that, with her history, I’d have to be on a par with Hitler and Mussolini to classify as bad. Determined, I told her that I didn’t know how to hold a conversation. This apparently wasn’t news and didn’t put her off, so I came clean and told her I just wasn’t ready for commitment. She rolled her eyes again and told me she wasn’t expecting a ring, just a phone call every now and again. She was hard work! She should win a prize for her persistence. But so should I; I kept the reasons coming for months. I told her I didn’t know what I wanted, that she was better off without me, etcetera etcetera. Until one day I had what I like to call my epiphany; I finally came to the realisation that I couldn’t live without her and phoned to ask her to marry me. It’s so easy to let fear rob us of amazing opportunities, to let the whisper of ‘what if’ distract us from incredible possibilities or to allow risks to loom larger than the promise. I still don’t know what created my eureka moment, but I’m eternally grateful that I had it; that I got the courage to take the decision, go for it and seize the day. At the beginning of a new year, why not take a look at the decisions you are dodging – whatever they might be – and don’t let fear stop you from making them. I’ll leave you with the words of well-known philosopher and my personal hero, Del Boy: “He who dares, wins, Rodney. He who dares…”.

Steve Legg PUBLISHER & EDITOR steve@sorted-magazine.com SteveLeggUK

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 6

JAMES RICHARDS

He’s a lean, keen former Marine BY JOY TIBBS

ou might think joining the Royal Marines is the pinnacle of manliness, and 15 years ago James Richards would probably have agreed. Growing up, James recalls a sense of longing to ‘be someone’ that was never satisfied. So in 1999, he decided to join up in an attempt to fill the void in his life. He managed to get through the 32 weeks of gruelling commando training; the longest form of military training apart from the Special Forces in the world. Training ranged from simple tasks such as learning to iron to the much tougher challenges of learning to survive in the field and how to handle weapons. James then went on to pass the Commando Test, which afforded him the privilege of wearing the much-coveted Green Beret. This included a 30-mile march across Dartmoor with full kit, which he completed in eight hours.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

The young man’s moment had come, and the tasks that followed conﬁrmed his worthiness of wearing the uniform. One of the most punishing experiences involved ‘icebreaking drills’ in Norway, where marines are made to ski into a frozen lake to simulate the experience of falling into freezing water. Also in Norway, he recalls taking part in a night ﬁring exercise in temperatures of around -35°C. These memories will stick with him forever. But although he initially experienced a sense of pride at his achievement and at the respect he was given as ‘Jim the marine’, there was still a deep emptiness in his life. After four years, James left the forces to get a degree. It was during this time that he found himself becoming increasingly reliant on alcohol and narcotics to block out these negative feelings. It wasn’t until his girlfriend at the time became a Christian that he started questioning whether there was really a God and, if so, what He was like. Initially dead against the idea, he cried out to God. Sorted caught up with James to get the full story.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 7

JAMES RICHARDS Photos: Lathan Ball

Why did you crave recognition as a youngster? I guess we all need to feel part of something. As humans one of our basic needs is to feel part of a community or a family. If I’m being honest, there was quite a lot of pride involved; I wanted to stand out from the crowd.

How did it feel to join the Royal Marines after all the hard graft? There was a conﬂict of emotions. On the one hand there was relief that it was over and that I had completed my training; I also felt quite proud of myself. But there was also a kind of emptiness that I’d reached my goal and that is wasn’t everything I expected it to be. I started wondering what to do next.

You describe feeling an ongoing emptiness in your life – why did you choose drink and drugs as an escape from this? It just seemed to be the most effective kind of escape route. Even though it was only temporary, it made me forget everything for a while. But once the effects wore off I still felt empty.

I WAS COMING TO THE END OF MYSELF; I REALISED THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE I COULD DO THAT WOULD HELP ME. Were you shocked when your girlfriend told you she had become a Christian? Yeah, I was; I was quite frustrated actually. I can’t explain why because my mum was a Christian when I was growing up and I already had other Christians around me. I think I knew it meant we wouldn’t be able to be together.

What made you cry out to God later that evening? I had basically just had enough; I was at the end of my tether. I had tried every other route and I had heard people claim that God had made a diﬀerence in their lives. I was coming to the end of myself; I realised there was nothing else I could do that would help me. So I found myself saying: “God, if you’re real…”

What difference did accepting Christ make in your life? It made a massive difference; I can’t put it into words. It was June 8, 2004, I still remember the day. I knew I was completely forgiven and the guilt of the things I had done in the past just lifted off me. I guess I had read about Jesus dying for all the things I’d done wrong and that He was taking the blame for me but even though I had heard it in the past, that night was the first time I truly believed it. My mum used to tell me this but I never believed it because I still felt guilty. God gave me the gift of faith. There are things that happen inside you, things that take time. One thing is that my language used to be really bad, as you can imagine in the forces. Overnight this just stopped! God just helped me get along with people a lot better. There was one point where even my mum told me she was having trouble liking me. It took her a lot to say that, but I just wasn’t a very nice person. In the eight years to now, so many things have been changed by His grace.

How does being a Christian compare with the thrill of being in the Marines? I see so many parallels between soldier training and the Christian life. But I don’t need to ﬁnd acceptance in other things anymore and I don’t need drugs or drink anymore. I’m accepted by my Father in heaven; I couldn’t ﬁnd that anywhere else. I also see now that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone but God and He’s already accepted me because of Christ. This shows in what I’m doing now. Preaching in the open air using sketch shows and so on is the last thing you’d do if you want acceptance – most of the time I get abuse! Some of the conversations I get into are amazing though.

What else are you doing with your life these days? I grew up around London, but I moved to Torfaen – near Pontypool in South Wales – about 15 years ago. In 2007, God called Naomi and me to help with a church plant there (www.hillcitychurch.org). I’m now self-employed, working with a Christian charity called Counties UK (www.countiesuk.org), which is basically a network of evangelists. They give me a monthly gift and help me out a lot.

Is there any remaining sense of the famous 2004 Welsh Revival in this area? It’s actually quite hard ground. I do [evangelism] in Cardiff and other places sometimes but Pontypool is one of the hardest places to do it. I think it might just be that different places have different strongholds, especially where God has worked in the past. I still have really good conversations though; there still is fruit there.

Is Naomi the girlfriend who became a Christian? A lot of people ask me that! No, I met Naomi a couple of years later in my local church. f

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 8

JAMES RICHARDS

RM Commando Training: how hard can it be? Week 14 is about learning advanced navigation and field skills ready for the Exercise Baptist Run in week 15. The Exercise Baptist Run tests all the core military skills required of a Royal Marine. All recruits must successfully complete this week 15 exercise to continue training. Training intensifies in week 16 with an emphasis on mastering infantry skills. All this and you’re only halfway through! In week 17, your soldiering skills and tactical training are honed so you are able to deal with troop level attacks and ambushes. Patrol and tactical understanding is perfected in week 18. In week 19 a combination of weapon and adventure training takes place. Well, you start off with the basics in week 1: with marching drills, looking after your kit and generally learning to live, work and think as a Royal Marines Commando.

By week 3 it’s time to talk tactics as weapons training begins. You’ll learn to look after and fire weapons, including machine guns and the assault rifle. Week 4 is tougher still, with more physical training and swimming introduced. Week 5 is all about camp and field work. You’ll start off using basic skills such as camouflage, concealment and night movement. In week 6 you will work on your basic shootings and map reading skills. You get another week in the field in week 7, with the introduction of additional basic infantry skills. As well as continuing with your physical training and map reading, you will be introduced to survival training in week 8. In week 9 you receive more weapons training and an introduction to various academic qualifications. Week 10 is all about finding your bearings with navigation and survival training. The pressure is on in week 11, as you must pass the next two weeks to continue your training, which will include live firing. The second week of shooting training – week 12 – is crucial if you want to pass and continue your training. Chemical biological radiological nuclear (CBRN) and communication training starts in week 13, along with helicopter and underwater escape drills and grenade throwing.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Week 21 includes weapons training and lectures on battlefield tactics. In week 22 you’ll be introduced to yomping: Royal Marines slang for a long-distance march carrying full kit. Fighting in built-up areas and close quarter battle skills are taught and practised in week 23.

Week 25 places emphasis on amphibious training, along with sea safety training, a visit to an RM museum and a 12-mile load carry. Climbing and mountain skills are introduced and practised in week 26 and the Final Exercise begins. You’ll do a six-mile speed march, a Tarzan assault course, undertake a water obstacle crossing and learn cliff assault and rope techniques. In week 27 the Final Exercise – designed to prove a high standard of professional skills and tactical understanding – ends. You must successfully complete this exercise in order to continue training. Week 28 includes classroom training and an intensive physical workout on the Tarzan Assault Course. It’s all about live fire tactical training in weeks 29 and 30. Week 31 is Commando Test week, where all the core criteria for becoming a Royal Marines Commando are tested. All that’s left in week 32 is a little admin and the small matter of your transition to becoming a Royal Marine Commando!

In week 2 you start getting active, with your first introduction to field conditions including close quarter combat.

The multi-terrain vehicle (the Viking) is introduced to recruits in week 20 and tactical training is completed.

You’ll get more weaponry training and an introduction to the Endurance Course in week 24.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 9

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 10

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 11

ACTION

BEAR GRYLLS

The Bear Facts I have a dream…

Great news for all you Bear Grylls fans! The intrepid explorer has put pen to paper once again and his new book, A Survival Guide for Life (Bantam Press), is out now. The strapline is “How to achieve your goals, thrive in adversity and grow in character”, valuable skills for any man. Best of all, we have a snippet here to wet your whistle.

he place to start this life journey is with ﬁnding your dream. Dreams are powerful. They are among those precious few intangibles that have inspired men and women to get up, go to hell and back, and change the world. And I’m not talking about the sort of fantasy dreams that can’t physically happen – I am talking about the sort of dream that will inspire you, one that you are really prepared to sweat for, in order to make it become your reality. This quote from T E Lawrence means a lot to me: “All men dream; but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.” Our job is to be the dangerous type. The one who dreams by day and acts to make those dreams come alive and actually happen. So take some time to get this right. Go for a long walk. Think big. Think about what really makes you smile. Ask yourself what you would do if you didn’t need the money. Ask yourself what really excites you. Ask what would inspire you to keep going long after most people would quit. Find those answers and therein lies your dream. We all have our own personal Everest, and if we follow its

calling, that is when life truly becomes an adventure. Obviously your dream needs to be realistic and achievable, so use your common sense and exercise good judgement – but don’t confuse realism with pessimism! Think big, make sure it is physically possible, and as long as the key ingredients to achieving it are vision and hard work, then go for it. Now, many might say: “I don’t need to have goals to be successful.” But they would be wrong. In life, it is hard enough to reach your peak when you know where you want to go; but it is near impossible to reach those heights if you don’t even know where the mountain range is! In order to grow, you must have a dream and you must have a clear goal. Write it down. Pin it on your wall – somewhere you will see it every day. Words and pictures have power. Got it? OK, we have begun...

Bear Grylls is an adventurer, writer and television presenter. He is best known for his television series Born Survivor, known as Man Vs Wild in the United States, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. Bear spent three years in the SAS and is one of the youngest Britons to climb Mount Everest, doing so at the age of 23. In July 2009, he became the youngest ever chief scout at the age of 35.

If you want to read on, we strongly recommend investing in a copy. It’s available from all good bookshops and online retailers, and it could just help you make the changes that will turn your life around.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 12

BA FLIGHT SIMULATOR

Get yourself oﬀ to a ﬂying start BY JOY TIBBS

KEY FACTS Where does all the action happen? Flight simulator training takes place at Cranebank, a short journey from all Heathrow terminals and Hatton Cross Underground Station.

Are there any restrictions? You have to be at least 14 (and accompanied by an adult if you’re under 18). These events involve a degree of physical mobility so they may not be suitable for some people, including pregnant women and those with heart, back or neck problems, motion sickness and certain disabilities.

What do I need to take? You’ll need your passport and a secondary form of ID so you can get through security controls. It’s worth wearing comfortable clothing and flat shoes – preferably trainers.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

nyone who has ever watched Top Gun will have imagined (at least in their heads) that the planet will never be safe until their flying skills have been put to the test. Let’s face it, the Red Arrows would have nothing on us if we were to get behind the control yoke of a plane. I mean, our driving skills are already the envy of the roads, so just think what would happen if the cockpit was under our command… If these thoughts have ever entered your mind, we have just the thing for you. British Airways (BA) is now offering flight training sessions in its multi-million pound, full-motion Boeing or Airbus flight simulators. These simulators aren’t like the ones you get a funfairs (although those can be fun too); these capsules are normally used to train professional pilots before they get to do the real thing. It’s a bit dearer that a driving lesson, but imagine the rush you’ll get as you learn the skills that would make Maverick, Goose and the rest of the Top Gun crew stand to attention. You can take part in the training alone, take a friend along, or even arrange a corporate session for you and your workmates. The best part is, absolutely no experience is required. All you need is a passport to get through security and a reasonably clear bill of health, and the sky’s the limit. Step one is a 30-minute pre-flight briefing in the Ground School, which will give you a detailed overview of the flight deck instruments, controls and systems. Once that’s over you actually get to press the buttons for yourself! In fact, you will be at the controls throughout the whole process, from take-off to touchdown, and all of the action takes place under the instruction of a fully trained BA pilot. The stunning visual effects, surround sound and advanced hydraulic motion systems will work together to convince you that you’re actually flying the plane. If it’s a corporate session you’re after, various packages are available, with the potential for up to 24 colleagues to get involved. BA offers flight simulators and cabin simulators as well as conference and banqueting facilities for small or large groups. You may have been to team-building sessions with the work crew in the past, but this will blow all your other bonding experiences out of the… sky. Corporate prices range from around £1,400 to £6,600, with flight times ranging from 30 to 60 minutes per guest. For this fair sum you get hands-on experience, guidance from a proper BA pilot, refreshments and private room hire and, in some cases, additional cabin safety training. Providing your pilot agrees, you can even take pictures of the action to post on the work noticeboard. Personal flight prices range from £399 for an hour’s session to £1,347 for a three-hour stint. If you’re stuck for gift ideas for the dad, brother or best mate who seems to have it all, nothing says Happy Birthday like an hour flying a Boeing 737. It could even win you a few brownie points with the father-in-law; especially if you go along for the ride. That way you get to fulfil your own flying dreams and make him a happy man at the same time. Heck, you could even hire the uniform and really get into character. Female flight attendants beware!

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 13

BA FLIGHT SIMULATOR

Flying and ﬁlm seem to go hand in hand. Did you know…? …BA has just made its opening gambit in a Coen brothers film Heathrow Terminal 5 (home to BA) features in the latest Coen brothers film, Gambit. Cameron Diaz, Colin Firth, Alan Rickman, Tom Courtenay, Stanley Tucci and Cloris Leachman appear in the comedy caper, which features a number of British locations including the airline’s plushest terminal, The Savoy, Syon House and Warwickshire art gallery Compton Verney. British Airways ambassador Helena Flynn, who doubled up as Diaz in a number of the airport scenes, said: “We get to do a lot of fun and interesting events as ambassadors, but spending a week in the shoes of Cameron Diaz has to be one of my highlights. “We all really enjoyed working with the team and can’t wait for it to be on board flights for customers to enjoy too.”

…Denzel Washington has a recurring dream about flying “I’ve had it for most of my life,” he said at a press conference for his new film Flight. “I always somehow end up in a city and I go underneath bridges; like there’s these low bridges, either over a train or small bodies of water. “And the other part of the dream would be like this take-off would last forever. And I would be like, ‘Stay below the street wire.’ And I’d start to go back up and I’d come down again. “…I don’t know what it means.“

…At least five Hollywood stars are runway regulars Tom Cruise earned his licence in Toronto in 1994. Cruise reportedly has four aircraft. Most recently, he purchased a World War II P-51 Mustang fighter plane and had “Kiss Me, Kate” written on the side. He’s probably regretting that now. Harrison Ford has been known to fly fixed-wing aircraft and helicopters. He started learning about aviation in the 1960s, flying in a Piper PA-22 Tri-

Pacer. He had a long break in his training, restarting in the mid-’90s when he bought a used Gulfstream II and received flying lessons from one of his pilots. His favourite plane is believed to be his de Havilland Canada DHC-2 Beaver. John Travolta’s $4.9 million estate in Florida has a 1.4-mile landing strip ending at the main entrance. He owns five aircraft, including a Boeing 707-138 airliner. During his flying career, Travolta has had to make an emergency landing (which nearly resulted in a mid-air collision) and served as a personal pilot to Oprah Winfrey during an eightday, all-expenses-paid trip to Australia for the talk show host and her entire studio audience. Morgan Freeman worked as a mechanic in the Air Force but never actually flew a plane until he was 65. The actor has since earned a private pilot’s licence and has owned a number of private aircraft including a Cessna 414. Angelina Jolie has been taking flying lessons since 2004 and now has a private pilot licence with an instrument rating. She owns a Cirrus SR22 airplane, which can reach speeds of up to 300mph.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 14

COLUMNISTS

ANT DELANEY

Diamond Geezer

Thanks for the memory…

o you have a good memory? What’s the order of the colours of the rainbow – the visual spectrum – and how do you remember it? I use ‘Richard Of York Gave

Battle In Vain’. There are many ways to quickly improve your memory, such as rhymes and songs. ‘I’ before ‘E’ except... Have you ever committed something to memory by putting it to song? Advertisers certainly know to put their product names and even phone numbers into an annoying jingle, but why? So it’ll stick in your brain. They’re not bothered if it annoys you as long as it sticks. “Autoglass repair...” See? You know Pi is the ratio between a circle’s circumference and its diameter, right? Of course you remember being thrilled by that in maths, just as I was. These days the only pies I have to get my head (or mouth) around come from Greggs. But how can you impress your friends and delight total strangers by remembering Pi? Count the numbers in the mnemonic, add in the decimal point – and you’re the office Derren Brown: 3.14 15 9 2. That’s a little less impressive than when Professor Aitken of Edinburgh University memorised it to the first thousand decimal places. Then Daniel Stridsman went and memorised it to ten thousand places. He set a pretty high bar, but the record, now held by Chao Lu of China, stands at 67,890 digits! How could they do that? Their brains are no different from yours or mine, but every memory champion would say they’ve been trained. They trained themselves to remember. I’ve always been fascinated by memory and

have read many books on how to improve mine. In fact, I have two copies of Supercharge your Brain on my shelf because I forgot I already owned a copy! All the evidence suggests that it’s not true that your memory has to get worse with age, as I was just saying the other day... to... erm... Never mind. Let me talk about some other guys who forgot, and one who remembered.

I HAVE TWO COPIES OF SUPERCHARGE YOUR BRAIN ON MY SHELF BECAUSE I FORGOT I ALREADY OWNED A COPY! The Bible tells the story of ten men with leprosy, which would have excluded them from family and community for fear of it spreading. One day they met Jesus on the road between Galilee and Samaria. They had to keep their distance, so they could only cry out: “Have pity on us”. When they recognised Jesus – the healer that people said was the Son of God – they immediately did the only thing they could do: they begged him for mercy. “Go and show yourselves to the priests,” Jesus said. Luke, the guy who wrote this account of what took place, was a doctor. He was obviously concerned about getting this story right because it would have fascinated him. Jesus told them to go and see the priest, which is what a person would do when they were healed of leprosy. According to Leviticus 13 and 14, they’d go and demonstrate to the priest that this was the case. So they were

being asked to do something as if they’d already been healed. And amazingly, the Bible says they were cleansed as they went. When they obeyed the word of Jesus, they were healed by His words, and I’m sure they were all very grateful. How could they not be after what He had done for them? But only one of the ten men was grateful enough to remember to come back; before going on to the priest. He remembered to return and express gratitude for answering their desperate pleas. It says: “One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him” (Luke 17:15-16). Now I don’t know what you think about when you think about God. But it says that Jesus replied: “Where are the other nine?” I wonder if you’ve ever thought God is a person whose feelings we can hurt, or that we can put a smile on His face? It’s interesting that because this man expressed thanks for what Jesus had already done, Jesus did something even more for him. It’s great to have physical healing, but that ends at death. It seems Jesus gave this man the blessing of eternal life, which obviously lasts forever: “I’m declaring you whole”. All ten got healed, but only one was made whole forever; the one who remembered to be grateful – and express it. God loves gratitude and hates ingratitude. The others must have felt gratitude to Jesus, but do you know who feeling gratitude encourages? No one! You have to say it, or they don’t know. We teach this to our kids don’t we? “Say thank you.” I wonder if you remember this song: “Count your blessings, name them one by one… And it will surprise you what the Lord has done”. When was the last time you counted your blessings? Isn’t the New Year a great time to do that? To remember today to thank someone who has helped you… someone at work, or in your family? Have you remembered to say thank you to God before you ask him for another thing? Jesus counted who got blessed: he counted ten. Then he counted who came back: one. It counted for Jesus. How’s your memory? Do you remember to say thanks to God, or do you just take his blessings and run? Are you somebody who remembers to go back, to thank those who have enabled you to move forward? Former plain-clothes policeman Anthony Delaney is a broadcaster, writer and speaker who leads Ivy Manchester Church. Regularly appearing on BBC Radio 4 and 5 Live, his book, Diamond Geezers, is available now and is published by Integrity Publishers. Follow him on Twitter @anthonydelaney or read his blog at www.anthonydelaney.com.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 15

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 16

RUNNING HEAD COLUMNISTS

ALEX WILLMOTT

Your Will, Mott Mine Lifting his head from the task at hand, this neanderthal mumbled: “What are you gonna do about it, you Welsh p***k?“ Now at this moment I was faced with a doctrinal dilemma. As a practising Christian I am called to balance grace (allowing God to pass judgement) alongside justice (reverse over the liquid vandal at full pace). I had just moments to decide. “I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, mate. Unless you put that miniature petrol pump back into its holder, I’m going to feed you to Goliath.” The man, still drunk, was scrambling his limited thought process to work out who this ‘Goliath’ character was. Unbeknown to him, my neighbour Jon had entered the car park from the opposite gate with his 16-stone rottweiler. “Just say the word, Al,“ Jon remarked, as Goliath drooled. Suffice to say you’ve never seen a man stop mid flow as quickly as he did. He didn’t even bother sheathing his exposure; he opted to waddle away down the alley with it hanging out. It was like a seedier version of Benny Hill, leaving me and Jon laughing in the knowledge that Goliath is about as viscous as Louis Walsh.

“UNLESS YOU PUT THAT MINIATURE PETROL PUMP BACK INTO ITS HOLDER, I’M GOING TO FEED YOU TO GOLIATH.”

Wee of Fortune

ur eyes met across the car park like two primate adversaries in the outback. The sun was crawling above the grey, stretched clouds; poised to burst over a busy Yorkshire city. He knew as soon as I’d unlocked my vehicle from afar that he was done for. Initially, the chances of him getting caught were slim, but in his condition it was a chance he was willing to take. “Excuse me fella,“ I growled in a voice not too dissimilar to Tom Jones’. “Are you seriously doing that?” My question was a rhetorical one,

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

as the man had already started doing exactly what he was doing. He wobbled a bit, coughed and continued to urinate up against my car. Usually I have a sense of humour about the misfortunes that seem to hammer the door of my life from time to time. I once bought a drink for a guy who poured a glass of red wine over my brand new suit. I reimbursed a youngster who threw an ice lolly at my head while aiming at his friend. But this particular morning, as a random inebriated caveman relieved himself on my recently serviced Ford Fiesta, my grace tap had frozen solid.

As I headed for the car wash, I pondered on how many situations I could have benefitted from if Goliath followed me around. I fantasised about meetings with publishers and how I could just walk Goliath around the boardroom if I felt like I was being shafted. Or when an obnoxious Premier League football fan began to taunt the demise of the beautiful Blackburn Rovers, I could call Goliath into the pub. But the reality is, I can’t steal my neighbour’s dog. In fact I don’t have the strength to walk him round the park. But as a man of faith, I am encouraged by the promise of a soul defender. In the many attributes of Jesus we find someone who stands up when the fear of life urges the rest of us to buckle at the knees. “My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father – Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world” (1 John 2:1-2).

Alex Willmott penned the epic Selah trilogy. Former newspaper journalist, sports fanatic and local football manager, Alex took a vow to live life to the full after reading the book of John in the Bible aged 16. Visit www.alexwillmott.com for more information.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 17

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 18

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 19

COLUMNISTS

BY KATE SHARMA AND ROSETTE MUTONI

Compassion

Recasting the hero

s he prepares for the day ahead, Nsengiyumva Charles sits at his desk, clasps his hands together and lowers his head. As he shuts his eyes, tears can be seen running down his cheeks. It’s hard to imagine, but this weeping man is a hero in his neighbourhood of Gahanga in Rwanda. He’s the man the little boys want to be when they grow up; he’s the one they want to impress with their footballing skills; he’s the father figure many of them never had. But, let’s face it, as he sits sobbing in his office it’s hard to imagine that Charles could be of use to anyone, let alone a local hero. Imagine if the opening scene to Skyfall pictured James Bond sobbing his heart out. If this was the case, we’d have to rethink our expectations of heroes completely… but would that be such a bad thing?

To be a hero in the biblical sense doesn’t mean always having the answers or being able to solve the world’s problems in the blink of an eye. It doesn’t mean being a physical superspecies or the world’s greatest lover. It means being in tune with yourself, the world around you and, perhaps most importantly, it means admitting that you can’t navigate this crazy maze of life on your own. Fourteen-year-old Jean-Claude is one of the youngsters at the Gahanga Student Centre who

considers Charles a hero. “My father left my mother when I was six months and went to be with other women,” remembers Jean Claude. “This made me feel abandoned and unloved. I feared nobody and felt like I should do whatever I wanted. I used to steal money from home and sleep with girls. I used to fight with my friends and throw stones at people.” When Jean-Claude was at his most rebellious, Charles was a constant presence in his life; listening to the boy’s pain, trying to understand his situation and gently guiding him on the right course.

“No one liked me at home and at school, except for the project workers,” confesses Jean-Claude. “The director was patient with me and kind. He encouraged me to change. This made me want to be different.” Jean-Claude isn’t alone. More than 200 children attend the Gahanga Student Centre and Charles and his team are heroes to each of them. As this band of heroes prepares itself for the day ahead, its members start in submission, bowing their heads and asking the Lord to give them the strength they need to get through. The word submission is not generally used in the same breath as the word hero, but perhaps it should be. When we take off our pride and open our hearts to the Lord, He can use us in ways we might never imagine, to do far, far more than we ever could on our own. You could start today by sponsoring a child with Compassion, becoming a hero to a boy or girl who may never have been told that they have any value or worth.

MORE THAN 200 CHILDREN ATTEND THE GAHANGA STUDENT CENTRE AND CHARLES AND HIS TEAM ARE HEROES TO EACH OF THEM.

Visit www.compassionuk.org or call 01932 836490 to find out more. Compassion is an international Christian child development and child advocacy ministry. Partnering with local churches, it is committed to the spiritual, economic, social and physical development of children living in extreme poverty in 26 countries; enabling them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 20

CULTURE

MOVIES

With Martin Leggatt

Enjoy the show… Lincoln The latest Steven Spielberg superbiopic tells the events of the final four months of President Abraham Lincoln’s life up to his assassination by John Wilkes Booth. The film concentrates solely on the very narrow margin in which Lincoln managed to abolish slavery and the awesome accomplishment of uniting the country with the Union’s victory in the Civil War. A barely recognisable Daniel DayLewis makes an unlikely Lincoln, but he immersed himself so fully

into the role that he apparently forbade anyone to speak in an English accent for the duration of the filming. An interesting movie geek fact is that when the film was originally planned in 2005, Liam Neeson was due to take the role of Lincoln, but by 2010 he was deemed too old and Day-Lewis got the call. The film boasts a fine cast, although I’m a little puzzled by the casting of Sally Field as Lincoln’s wife. However, this is more than compensated for by the additions of David Strathairn, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Inception,

Looper) and Bruce McGill (you’ll recognise his face). There is also a very welcome appearance from James Spader, as well as a great one from Hal Holbrook, who seems to specialise in playing seemingly benign yet totally ruthless characters; think Lieutenant Briggs in Magnum Force and his roles in The Firm and Wall Street. (As another piece of trivia, one of his early roles was that of Lincoln.) The icing on the cake is the appearance of everyone’s favourite Texan, Tommy Lee Jones – an obligatory piece of casting in any American film. I think it’s safe to say this is a New Year banker with the Spielberg stamp of quality shining through.

Don’t go to the theatre, go to the multiplex; it’s far safer

A Good Day to Die Hard Bruce Willis is back in the indestructible white vest as super cop John McClane. He travels to Russia to team up with his CIA agent son Jack (Jai Courtney) to save the world from nuclear weapon toting bad guys. I loved Die Hard and even liked the sequel, but after the third with its cartoonish villain I think Bruce should have called it a day and died hard gracefully. Frankly, I wish that he’d stuck to making those creepy broadband adverts rather than appearing in this. It’s almost on a par with an over-the-hill Harrison Ford in his last hurrah as Indiana Jones. 20

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Past his prime

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 21

CULTURE

Django Unchained Quentin Tarantino is one of those moviemakers reminiscent of a certain yeast extract sandwich spread… you either love him or hate him. I fall mostly in the former category. I pretty much like all his films, with perhaps the strong reservation that I couldn’t watch them with my teenage sons

quite yet. This Western with a twist stars the very talented Jamie Foxx in the titular role of slave-turned-bounty-hunter Django, and he is very ably supported by Tarantino stalwart Samuel L Jackson and Leonardo DiCaprio. However, for me, the bonus on this celluloid delight was the appearance of an actor that I had this very

morning been thinking about the great Don Johnson. No I’m not being ironic… Don Johnson is a great lost movie star who someone managed to disappear from our screens amid a messy personal life and some atrocious role choices (or has everyone erased Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man from their memories?). This is Tarantino’s own take on the kind of blaxploitation Westerns of the late sixties and early seventies that invariably starred Melvin Van Peebles; and what a reworking he has given them. You will find a simple but tightly woven plot, some terrific dialogue and the mix of some seriously funny moments among the violence. A scene that is comically reminiscent of Blazing Saddles takes place at a Ku Klux Klan meeting, which depicts those involved as the low-intellect bigots that they undoubtedly were.

The best in the West

Hill comes with a fine portfolio of hits under his belt, including Southern Comfort, Brewster’s Millions, 48 Hours and Another 48

Hours. There is also another blast from the past with an appearance from Christian Slater (whatever happened to his career?).

I dearly hope I’m in this kind of shape when I’m a pensioner

deluge of dirty water lays waste to everything in its path. What ensues is a search that most of us parents would undertake no matter how futile it seems as Henry (McGregor) and Maria (Watts) scour the postapocalyptic landscape for their lost children. Now I’m the traditional kind of pseudo-macho guy that only gets emotional during the end cooler scene of The Great Escape, but this does seem to be the kind of film that makes your eyeballs sweat.

Take some Kleenex with you; man-sized ones of course.

Bullet to the Head Sylvester Stallone continues his eternal battle against growing old gracefully in this muscle-bound action movie, which once again looks to the future by looking to the past. This is a slow-burning attempted renaissance of that great, big budget, high-on-action-low-onacting blockbusters of the eighties. This trend started with what I hope was a tongue-in-cheek pastiche in The Expendables, which enjoyed some success with the nostalgic among us and was quickly followed by imaginatively titled sequel The Expendables 2. This action flick comes with an excellent pedigree: there’s Sly himself as the ludicrously named Jimmy Bobo, and director Walter

The Impossible This is a profoundly moving and incredibly realistic story of a Spanish family who incredibly survived the 2004 tsunami that devastated

Thailand and killed many tourists and locals alike. Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts are the couple on holiday with their three children when tragedy strikes on Boxing Day and that destroying

Martin Leggatt is married to Sue and father to Aaron, Sam, Hope and Paige. He’s a selfconfessed movie geek, although his tastes run to an eclectic assortment of action, thriller, black and white, war and pretentious (as Sue would say) art house ﬁlms. Martin’s favourite ﬁlm is Powell and Pressburger’s A Matter of Life and Death.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 22

CULTURE

TELEVISION With Emily Russell

All’s fair in love and war The war on terror has proven to be a rich subject matter for TV and ﬁlms in recent years, but few have captured both the public’s imagination and the critics’ applause as completely as Homeland.

inning a plethora of Emmys and Golden Globes, Homeland explores the paranoia, politics and personal costs that have stemmed from the war on terror in our modern world. Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) is a US marine who, after spending eight years as an Al-Quaeda prisoner-of-war, has ﬁnally been rescued and brought home. Carrie Mathison (an astoundingly good Claire Danes) works for the CIA and is convinced that Brody has been turned by his captors and that he is planning a terrorist attack on American soil. While Brody struggles to ﬁt back into ‘normal’ life with his wife and kids, Carrie struggles to convince her superiors that she’s right, as well as battling to keep her own shaky secrets. Homeland is a world of twists and turns. Nobody can be trusted and everybody is paranoid; constantly questioning other people’s motivations and loyalties. Even friends and heroes can be enemies, the show vividly warns. It’s fascinating to watch and to try and unpick what is really going on, who is working for who, and who, if anyone, is right. It feels incredibly realistic and reflects what an effect events such as September 11 have had on the world; how everybody in power is now constantly checking around every corner for terrorist trouble. Brody and Carrie encapsulate this. In fact, they mirror each other: both hiding things from those closest to them, both struggling with everyday life, both obsessional, a trait that can make people exceptional and driven, but can also drive others away from them. Both are completely involving and riveting to watch – we’re never sure what either of them will do next 22

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

or what the consequences of their actions will be. As viewers we are always left on the edge of our seats, wanting to know more.

IT’S FASCINATING TO WATCH AND TO TRY AND UNPICK WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON It’s a show about the pain of war, how it can ravage people, change how they think and who they are, and how it’s just as hard and punishing on the families left behind as it is on the soldiers that head to the front line. It’s a show about the rewards and damages of constantly questioning ourselves and other people. In Homeland, the world is portrayed as a tricky and dangerous place. It can tie us into evertightening knots and prompt us to

pick up dangerous coping mechanisms. Secrets are frazzling, strangling and painfully damaging. Lies and truth are fluid here; everything is shown in various shades of grey. As long as the job gets done, the truth isn’t important. People are killed on both sides and many are used like chess pieces. Despite suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), Brody is quickly used as a pawn by the government to reassure the American people that America is winning this war. Everything is politics; personal or otherwise. It’s cold, terrifying and completely believable.

Emily Russell has a degree in Media and Film Studies and works part-time for the University of Southampton. She has been writing Culturewatch articles for the Damaris Trust website (www.damaris.org) since 2005 and watches far too much science-ﬁction and fantasy, crime shows and wrestling. She is married to Anthony.

WHERE CAN I SEE IT?

The second series of Homeland recently aired on Channel 4 and the first series is available on DVD.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:46

Page 23

CULTURE

GAMING

With Jim Lockey & Jonathan

A ten year-old’s guide to games

y stepson Jonathan has a viewpoint on the world and on popular culture that is simple but full of understated insight. His honest and direct reactions are peppered with strange and hilarious non sequiturs. Jonathan knows what he likes and he knows how to make me laugh. I’d like to share some of his reviews and synopses of well-known video games with you so we can all benefit from a ten-year-old’s unique perspective. Here’s what he had to say…

Minecraft (PC)

Angry Birds (iOS/Android)

‘MINECRAFT IS GOOD BECAUSE IT’S ENDLESS, LIKE NEVERENDING ICE CREAM.’

Angry Birds is a game of strategy. You have to fire the birds and knock down the towers containing green pigs. Angry Birds is good because there are lots of different birds with different powers and colours. I’m not going to tell you about all of the powers, but one of them goes really fast, one of them blows up, and one of them splits into three. Angry Birds is my favourite game on the iPhone because it’s addictive, just like Minecraft.

Minecraft is good because it’s endless, like never-ending ice cream. But that doesn’t exist because I haven’t invented it yet; I haven’t even grown a moustache yet. Minecraft is also good because you can make houses. It’s like Lego, and Lego is very, very cool.

Jetpack Joyride (iOS) Jetpack Joyride is a game where you have to tap your person to make him fly up in the air in a jetpack. You can customise your jetpack and your character… my favourite costume is the top hat and the classy suit. Jetpack Joyride is good because you can collect power-ups and use special vehicles and suits.

Pac-Man

Mario Kart (Wii/DS) I like Mario Kart, but I’ve never played it on the Wii, I’ve played it on the DS. I crashed and finished ten minutes behind all the others. I think I was Donkey Kong.

Pokémon (Nintendo DS)

ModNation Racers (PSP/PS3)

Pokémon is fun because you get to fight other Pokémon and get money. Then you can spend the money on Pokéballs and catch more Pokémon to fight, then get more money, then you can get more Pokémon to get more money, to catch more Pokémon and it goes on and on in a never-ending circle.

ModNation Racers is a [racing] game where have to design your own kart, track and driver. It has very good graphics on the PS3 but the PSP one isn’t as cool. On the PS3 I once created a racer called Robo Shark Boy; he had a robot face, a blue racing suit and a shark fin on his head.

In Pac-Man you have to eat little dots and run away from ghosts. It is an old game, which you can find on an arcade machine. It is very addictive but gets boring after some time. You can also eat big dots and then you get to eat the ghosts, this is very fun because the ghosts turn blue and give you big points. The pixels are really big, which I think is quite retro.

Jim is a lifelong gamer and lives in Kent with his wife and children. He is also an artist and curator. His website is www.jimlockey.co.uk and his PSN name is tearfulminotaur.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:47

Page 24

CULTURE

DVD & BLU RAY With Martin Leggatt

Inspector Montalbano

have a guilty secret… I’m a bit of a subtitle snob. I usually really enjoy world cinema and, increasingly, world television. It’s what my wife calls my pretentious foreign arty stuﬀ. However, much of what I enjoy is of true artistic quality that is beyond dispute: La Haine and Das Boot to name but two. Now this snobbery isn’t all inclusive – there are limits even to my tastes. Recent foreign invaders to our television screens, especially from the Nordic and Scandinavian shores, have left me far less enamoured than my contemporaries. Series such as Borgen, The Killing and The Bridge, for example, have failed to win me over. Perhaps it’s all the doom and gloom and those horrendous patterned sweaters. Again, cards on the table, I even think the BBC production of Wallander with Ken Branagh as the troubled detective is far superior to the original Swedish production (even with its subtitles). My antidote to all this dark, depressing and downright cold detecting is nicely offset by Italian television series Inspector Montalbano; a Sicilian detective drama set against a backdrop of Mediterranean sunshine. These adaptations from Andrea Camilleri’s series of books (search them out, they are quirkily great reading) feature the excellent Luca Zingretti as a ridiculously handsome policeman in the small town of Vigata. Montalbano is a man of peculiar vices: he loves food, but unlike any Italian I have ever known, insists on

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

eating his meals in a silence broken only by his yells of ecstatic compliment to the cook. He is also a man of incredible loyalty to his subordinates and to his longsuffering, on-off girlfriend Livia (Monalbano is a bit commitmentphobic). Hardly an episode passes without some sultry Italian beauty making a pass at Monalbano, which he almost always manages to resist.

A SICILIAN DETECTIVE DRAMA SET AGAINST A BACKDROP OF MEDITERRANEAN SUNSHINE. The first two series of Montalbano (in Italian with English subtitles, naturally) are available on DVD and although the early parts of the first series have their critics, negative feedback usually comes from those who enjoy the bleaker series I’ve already mentioned. Inspector Montalbano can’t really be included in the same category as these – it would be like comparing Midsummer Murders to CSI Miami, but the crimes our hero faces are equally heinous. The small town of Vigata has it all: the local Sinagra family of Mafiosi, people trafficking, drug smuggling, pornographers, kidnapping and plenty of murders, all of which are usually solved through Montalbano’s

very unorthodox methods. His very loyal team, which he commands as much by pure charm and respect as by authority, ably assists him in every episode. There is his handsome deputy Mimi Augello (Cesare Bocci), a charming philanderer you can’t help but love; Guiseppe Fazio (Peppino Mazzotta), a bloodhound of a detective who delights in the obsessive gathering of every minute detail to solve the case; and Galluzo (Davide Lo Verde), a trigger-happy but terrifyingly brave cop. There is also the stalwart station desk officer Catarella (the fantastic Angelo Russo). Catarella is a wonderfully idiosyncratic character that it would be a crime to dismiss as comic relief; sure, he mangles his native language to mystifying levels, has an uncanny ability to mispronounce every name that he takes down and the long-running gag of him slamming Montalbano’s office door open to a cascade of falling plaster appears in every episode. However, Catarella is a genius with computers. He can hack any computer that is placed before him and this skill eclipses all of his clumsiness. He is also an unlikely hero: on one rare excursion into danger he saves Montalbano and his colleagues’ lives by shooting the villain. ‘Cat the hero’ crying with genuine upset soberly follows this, which brings another refreshing twist of the series that is rare in any other of the genre; whenever any of them has to shoot a criminal it is never in a blasé bout of machismo. It is the human interactions that make this series so wonderful: Montalbano and his men, the longstanding battle of insubordination with his chief (a man of incredible bureaucratic stupidity) and his way of teasing the sex-obsessed prosecutor Tommasseo, for whom every crime has a sexual motive. There are some quite racy scenes and nudity in a few episodes and some swear words in the subtitles, which would make this unsuitable for a family evening around the television, but overall I would say it is far less graphic than any of the much-vaunted and celebrated series I mentioned earlier. And if the scenery doesn’t make you want to move to Sicily, I’ll eat my hat.

AVAILABLE NOW

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:47

Page 25

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:47

Page 26

CULTURE

BOOKS

With Mark Anderson Anomaly Skip Brittenham and Brian Haberlin

Don’t stop me now… Unstoppable: The Incredible Power of Faith in Action Nick Vujicic Think you’ve had a rough day? Try being in Nick’s shoes. Well for one, you can’t, as he does not own any because he has no legs, and did I mention he has no arms either? However, Nick skydives, surfs and has been to dozens of countries around the world speaking to millions of people. From being a total medical surprise to his parents on delivery day, Nick has combatted bullying, depression and immense physical obstacles to become a fantastic public speaker, recanting stories from his life. Using humour, he explains to his audiences that when curious kids come up to him and ask what happened, Nick whispers (with deadpan sincerity): “Smoking”. I found this book really grounding and Nick’s experiences put everything you might be going through into perspective. Curiosity draws you to Nick, but his warmth, demeanour and his humour make you want to stick around. Nick takes us into his world to tell us that whatever is thrown at you, you can deal with it through the power given by God’s grace. Nick reveals that: “Life has value and is a gift to others, and that no matter the despair and hard times, God is always present.” In the book, Nick describes how he met his wife… talk about clichéd! Nick was speaking at an open-air event and their eyes met across the crowded space! Unbelievable. What’s more astonishing is it that it took them months to finally admit their feelings when Nick eventually bit the bullet. Well, if you don’t ask, you don’t get! Nick and his wife got married in February 2012. I would thoroughly recommend this book to everyone. See Nick’s disability make waves in your life! Unstoppable is incredible, aweinspiring and extremely uplifting.

Ready Player One Ernest Cline Back to the Future, Blondie, Spectrum computers and The Goonies. What have they in common? The ’80s! The geek chic decade is littered throughout this 26

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

book. The year is 2044, and a 1980sobsessed multi-billionaire has died and left his fortune to anyone who can solve the clues hidden within a virtual reality game that everyone on the planet plays to escape the reality of a dying Earth. As USA Today said, “Willy Wonka meets The Matrix” in this book.

Introducing the longest full-colour, original graphic novel ever published. This book is set in the year 2717, when most humans live on off-world colonies. It is massive at 3,600 pages. Endorsed by Harrison Ford and Ridley Scott, you know you’ve got something good in your hands. To heighten the experience, turn on your smartphone, download the augmented reality app, point it at the book and see the characters literally lift of the page! It’s a bit expensive, but we think it’s a good investment.

12-21 Dustin Thomason The Mayans predicted the world would end on 21.12.12, so if you’re reading this after that date, they were wrong! The balance of medical knowledge and ancient prophecy marinates well in 12-21. Page turning is rapid along with the twists and turns and the pseudoscience divulges just enough to grip the reader. At times it feels like we have heard some of this before, but there is nothing wrong with another deadly-virusdriven apocalyptic book, is there? Will the human race survive?

International Space Station Manual (Owners’ Workshop Manual) David Baker Haynes has gone beyond producing detailed manuals for Ford Cortinas and Renault Cleos. What we have here is an in-depth analysis of the biggest and most expensive creation that man has ever made (approximately $100 billion!). Not just an observatory, science lab and spaceport, the International Space Station (ISS) is a vision formed by an international community that is united under the common goal of exploring the world around us. It provides gorgeous detail along with beautiful and breathtaking pictures. Mark was born in Belfast, and developed a book and football obsession at a young age. He and wife Lisa belong to Fishgate, a church plant in Newtownabbey. Read Mark’s musings at overtakenheart.blogspot.co.uk.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:47

Page 27

Advertising Sales: Duncan Williams, Tel: 07960 829615

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

7/12/12

10:47

Page 28

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:47

Page 29

LIFESTYLE

SAM BURNETT

Cars

CARS Modern cars are kidding us into thinking we’re all Sebastian Vettel. What we all need is some tough love.

’m not one for sweeping generalisations as a rule, but men tend to think they are excellent drivers. Allow them to become motoring journalists and the problem just gets worse. There’s not a scribbler in the land who doesn’t think he could have had as many world championships as Michael Schumacher if he’d been given the right start in life. I too resent my parents for not having bullied me into go-karting from the age of four.

The thing is, doing lots of miles every year doesn’t necessarily make you any better, it just means you’re a well-practiced cretin. Ask anyone who’s just been cut up by a white van driver. The thing is, we are flattered by modern technology into thinking that we are better than we are. I have to be honest here – the fact that I haven’t had a major accident in the past three years is more down to a load of skilled German software boffins f Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:47

Page 30

LIFESTYLE

SUBARU BRZ The BRZ is an old-school coupe straight out of the MR2 mould, which will already have endeared it to many enthusiasts. Designed and built in conjunction with Toyota (which has just introduced its version, the GT86), the BRZ is a fine return to form for Subaru, which has gone right off the boil in recent years. Such cars are judged on their handling, and the Subaru acquits itself admirably. Angle the BRZ into a high-speed corner and it will plough stably through, but throw it inappropriately into a corner and it will snap at you, which is just how it should be. It’s not just about feel, though; it turns driving into more of an intellectual exercise, making you plan your entry and prepare the car properly. You don’t just jump in and get the most out of it; the Subaru would make for an excellent long-term companion.

than to any particular skill or quick reflexes on my part. Just recently I drove the new Subaru BRZ, a good oldfashioned, hairy-chested coupe. The steering is heavy and the ride is hard. The gearstick rumbles in your hand as you change gear, snicking through the box and, well, loving life. Of course that’s until you change down into second for a sharp right-hander a few metres too early and the rear wheels lock up, throwing you into a slide. It’s panic/bowel wobble/dab of oppo as you tug the car through the corner and hit the gas with rather less enthusiasm than you did exiting the previous one. The BRZ sneers at your pathetic driving skills.

THIS CAR IS OFFENSIVELY POWERFUL, WITH 630 HORSES AND 737LB FT OF TORQUE. IT’S LIKE DRIVING A ROCKET SHIP Likewise, I happened to be behind the wheel of a £170,000 Mercedes SL65 AMG the other week; just for a little test drive at Mercedes-Benz World, you understand. I had taken the car on a circuitous route around Weybridge (lovely area, shame about the traffic), and as I 30

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

VITAL STATISTICS Price: £24,995 Engine: 2.0-litre four-cylinder petrol Power: 149bhp Torque: 151lb ft 0-62mph: 7.6sec It’s not plush inside, but given that we’re shortly going to complain about the Mercedes SL being too expensive, it just wouldn’t feel right to criticise the BRZ for being accessible. The controls are where it matters, and everything feels distinctly meaty. It’s a real hairy-chested sports car. You’ll probably end up buying an Audi TT though.

sped up to join the traffic on the A3 from a standstill at traffic lights, the traction control light was blinking all the way up to 80mph (I got carried away). This car is offensively powerful, with 630 horses and 737lb ft of torque. It’s like driving a rocket ship; I gave myself acceleration-induced whiplash and had to rest my head on the window as I got the train home. The SL65 also sneers at your pathetic driving skills, but it does this behind your back as it tries to make you look good. Personally, I think that’s much worse. Forget the epic sports cars; I think you can have much more fun, much more cheaply. Take the new turbo version of the Hyundai Veloster. Yes, it’s a Hyundai, but it’s actually quite fun, and relatively cheap at £21,995. I drove one at the UK launch and it didn’t try to kill me, although I did reverse it into a bush. Perhaps the steering is over-light, but it offers up reasonable fun at reasonable speeds. It’s one of those great little cars that will serve you well as an everyday companion. It doesn’t sneer; it wants to be your friend.

Perhaps the greatest driver of his generation, Sam Burnett is a Londonbased motoring writer, wit and conversationalist. He has previously worked in politics and the third sector, but deﬁnitely prefers ﬂying around the world and testing cars. In his spare time he blogs, tweets and does other faddish things before losing interest.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:47

Page 31

LIFESTYLE

MERCEDES SL65 AMG The SL65 sits at the apogee of motoring; the very pinnacle of supreme pointlessness. Much like the Bugatti Veyron, its magnificence exists mainly on paper, its worth in its constant potential, only ever occasionally realised on a quiet airfield or a nice racetrack somewhere. Is it worth £170,000? Only in as much as you would pay £170,000 just to show that you were capable of paying £170,000 for it. The price is almost incidental. What you end up with is a slightly oversized, completely over-engineered bit of German automotive domination. It’s clearly very

excited, and entirely admirable in its own little way. It’s surprisingly easy to drive, though, what with its copious electronics and square, squat layout. Drive its older Mercedes sibling, the SLS AMG, and you get very nervous because it’s so huge and you have no idea where the car starts and finishes. The SL is a friendlier everyday car from a driver’s perspective. It sweeps imperiously past lesser cars, though, and considers few its equal. Price of a three-bedroomed house in the Midlands or not, it’s starting to feel a bit long in the tooth and you could probably do better. Like giving £140,000 to charity and buying something with more useable amounts of power.

HYUNDAI VELOSTER When Hyundai revealed its Veloster coupe last year, it was distinctly underwhelming. Reasonably priced, yes, but mainly coasting along on its quirky appeal with an odd, asymmetric door layout. There’s one door on the driver’s side, but two on the passenger side to allow easy access to the rear seats. Bolting a turbo onto the engine has really cracked it for this car. With some other subtle tweaks, such as a beefier body kit and lowered, firmer suspension, suddenly the Veloster feels like the car it should have been all along. It still relies on its quirks, but now has a lot more to recommend it as a compelling drive.

There’s nothing particularly plush about the car – Hyundai is never going to be a premium carmaker – but you know it’s going to be reliable, especially with that bajillion-year warranty Hyundais come with. The Veloster cries out more to the head than the heart, but you’ll never really be disappointed if you buy one. Acceleration isn’t the quickest, but it does have a decentsized boot, for instance. To dwell on those details would be to miss the point, however. The Veloster has an indefinable charm led by its distinctive design and eager drive that transcends such minor details. And it won’t try to kill you.

VITAL STATISTICS Price: £168,225 Engine: 6.0-litre V12 petrol Power: 621bhp Torque: 737lb ft 0-62mph: 4.0sec

VITAL STATISTICS Price: £21,995 Engine: 1.6-litre four-cylinder turbo petrol Power: 181bhp Torque: 195lb ft 0-62mph: 8.4sec

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Advertising Sales: Duncan Williams, Tel: 07960 829615

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

7/12/12

10:47

Page 32

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:47

Page 33

LIFESTYLE

Worn by: gardeners and librarians Brown betrays a serious, downto-earth personality that is quite happy to sit in the background like a wallﬂower. There is probably a brownsocker within ten feet of you now and you haven’t even noticed.

Brown

Blue Worn by: traffic wardens and doctors

What do your socks say about you?

ou may not know it, but the colour of your socks leaves a lasting effect on everybody you meet. At work, in public, in relationships – the crucial first impression left by an illadvised sock purchase could affect your everyday life. Sock subscription service Socked.co.uk has conducted new research that attempts to explain just what your socks say about you. It concludes that a considered choice of sock will put you streets ahead of the crowd. So what exactly do your socks say about you?

Black Worn by: gentlemen and well-dressed villains The classic black speaks of authority, power, sophistication and mystery. Stylish and timeless, black socks remain the ﬁrst and only choice for the gentleman around town.

White Worn by: eighties throwbacks and commercial radio DJs While white usually conveys innocence and purity, in a sock it is a crime against fashion; especially when worn with open-toed sandals. White socks are also the tell-tale sign of the gym-goer who is too lazy to get changed after a workout. Avoid white sock wearers, they’re up to no good.

Grey Worn by: bankers and vicars Neither black nor white, neither here nor there, grey socks portray a dull life built on compromise, boredom and poor laundry skills. You might put your trust in a man in grey socks, but you could live to regret it.

Red Worn by: would-be Casanovas, politicians and Dan Walker (see p81) These socks suggest a wearer who is confrontational, emotionally intense and quick to anger. Red cars are the most popular choice for thieves; red socks are not.

Yellow Worn by: attentionseekers and the office joker When he’s not wearing his Homer Simpson socks, the joker thinks yellow socks are cool. The most diﬃcult colour for the eye to take in, people in yellow socks get inadvertently kicked in the shins more than any social group.

Blue projects an image of success and security. High street store signs are often blue, as this tells consumers they are coming into contact with a dynamic, growing brand. You can certainly trust a blue sock wearer with your life, but with the nagging doubt that they aren’t quite cool enough to wear black.

Day-Glo Worn by: cyclists and nobody else over the age of 11 ‘See and be seen’ we say, and we are all for cyclists wearing ﬂuorescent colours as part of their everyday bike kit, providing they change into something less eye-oﬀending the moment they reach their destination.

Mark Hall, gentleman creation officer at socked.co.uk, said: “Colours are used to help create your persona, your desired image; and wearing a particular colour of socks will influence the way others relate to you. Pick the right colour, and you’re already winning. Pick the wrong colour, and you could just come across in the wrong way. “Our research shows that the only colour a gentleman should wear on his feet is black. Don’t take chances with the wrong coloured socks.” Launched in August 2012, Socked is a Leedsbased in Leeds that aims to rid the world of odd socks and to make the world a better place as a result. Annual sock subscriptions start from just £19 and you can order any colour you like (providing the colour you like is black).

•

Win £50 to spend at Rubbersole.co.uk! We’ve teamed up with trendy footwear site Rubbersole.co.uk to offer one lucky reader a voucher worth £50 to spend on the site! Rubbersole.co.uk is one of the UK’s leading footwear sites and offers a wide range of big brands including Ted Baker, Base London and Converse. The site stocks great shoes and accessories for every occasion. Whether you need something for work, going out or just some cosy slippers to warm your feet this winter – there is something for all styles and tastes. Go on, treat yourself!

To be in with a chance of winning email your name and address to steve@sorted-magazine.com with ‘socks’ in the header. Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:47

Page 34

LIFESTYLE

TOP GEAR

The greatest gear, gadgets and gizmos we could find Star Wars Life-Size Cut Outs Each cutout is printed in high resolution to ensure your favourite characters are absolutely accurate… assuming Mr Lucas doesn’t decide to retroactively change anything else. After all, Han shot first. Freestanding but easily folded, each cutout is totally portable and can be set up quickly if you need a giant armoured vehicle or a little someone to fix your holographic projector. The cardboard is strong in this one.

RRP £34.99-£44.99 www.firebox.com

Adidas adiViz Top Winter is here and it’s time to wrap up warm and stay visible on those early morning and evening runs. Providing warmth, comfort and visibility, you can protect yourself against the ‘great British winter’ with this adidas adiVIZ Long Sleeve Top. It also has reflective, hi-vis detail to help keep you safe at night.

RRP: £34.20 www.prodirectrunning.com

Sorted. TOP BUY

Arctic Force Snowball Crossbow When it comes to snow fights, things can get quite heated and no one wants to get cold feet in the face of frozen fun times. Which is why it’s important to pack heat; of the snowball shooting variety. Ready to fire straight out of the box, the serious ‘pull-and-release’ crossbow will see you launching long-range frozen missiles up to 18 metres! By using the included vinyl target you can zero in your crossbow, so you’ll be shooting like a beefcake William Tell in no time.

RRP: £29.99 www.firebox.com 34

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Visijax Cycling Jacket Integrated LED lights with one-touch operation offer cyclists the ultimate in personal protection on the road. Rainproof fabric with all-round ventilation in a windbreaker design makes it surprisingly stylish and comfortable. Visijax also introduces the concept of active signalling, which puts on the appropriate flashing amber signal all by itself when the rider raises his or her arm to indicate turning. There’s no doubt about it, it’s a breakthrough product that is truly in a class of its own. Road cycling will never be quite the same again.

RRP: £99.99 www.amazon.co.uk

Sorted. TOP BUY

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 35

LIFESTYLE

Lego Technic Supercar This supercool car is full of working features and functions, just like the real thing. Use the built-in Lego Power Functions to open the scissor doors, extend the rear spoiler and pop the hood to reveal the realistic V8 engine. Measuring 18 inches (45cms) long, it features gear wheel steering, realistic suspension and moving pistons. You can even rebuild it into a Hot Rod for more of a challenge. Could this be the ultimate Lego Technic building challenge? We think it probably is.

RRP: £99.99 www.technic.lego.com

Sorted. TOP BUY Nike Free Run +3 Shield Running Trainers These groundbreaking Nike trainers will really allow you to hit the ground running! The Dynamic Fit technology comprises ‘fingers’ of soft material to wrap the midfoot and arch while still allowing your feet to breathe. The innovative shield provides ultimate protection whatever the weather.

RRP £76.50 www.prodirectrunning.com

12-in-1 Multi Tool Pen In addition to its most obvious function as a svelte, stainless steel ballpoint pen, the 12-in-1 cunningly contains another 11 useful tools within its sleekly segmented and nicely knurled body: a hole punch; a stainless steel file; a short cutting blade; a flat screwdriver; a wire sleeve remover/small nail remover; an ear pick; a long cutting blade; tweezers; a Philips screwdriver; a stainless steel fork; and a saw. You might not need it today or tomorrow, but one day soon you’ll wish you had one handy.

RRP £9.99 www.firebox.com

Maroo Kaimata The Kaimata is a stylish holder for tablets and e-readers. Designed to sit elegantly anywhere in the home or office, this stand features an adjustable cradle that allows users to easily change the viewing angle of the tablet/e-reader as you read a recipe while slaving away in the kitchen, participate in a Skype chat with a loved one or fire off a few emails. A sturdy, nonslip base doubles as a tray to neatly store items such as smartphones and keys.

Sorted. TOP BUY RHA headphones

RRP £39.99 www.amazon.co.uk

Beardski As well as looking like you’re slowly eating a badger, the Beardski is remarkably good at keeping out the cold. Made from cozy thermal fleece with a waterproof neoprene lining, it’ll be sure to keep your chin toasty when you’re pelting down a black run. So if you’ve ever wanted to feel like the old man of the mountain, or just need somewhere to hide your snacks, whip on a Beardski and ignore the funny looks. They’re just jealous.

RRP: £24.99 www.firebox.com

RHA is a British audio company that specialises in highspec headphones with a focus on great quality build and sound. It recently released two ‘made for iPhone’ headphones with some really clever touches. The cable, for example, is coated in a braided fabric, which stops it from getting tangled, and an inline remote and microphone allows you to adjust the volume, change tracks and answer phone calls. All this, coupled with a wallet-friendly price point, make either set a perfect gift any time of the year.

RRP: MA450i (in-ear) £39.95 & SA950i (on-ear) £49.95 www.amazon.co.uk Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 36

LIFESTYLE

PETER HORNE

60 Second Life Coach

Dream big, start small, act now

ast your mind back to Great Britain’s glorious summer of sport in 2012. Success in the Olympics led to that longawaited breakthrough moment for Andy Murray when he banished his blues and consigned his legendary previous failures to history by winning the US Open tennis championship. According to a straw poll of children carried out in October 2012, Murray’s magnificent achievements led to him becoming the sports

person they most aspire to be like; toppling old favourites Wayne Rooney and David Beckham from pole position in the process. People who achieve the highest standards in their chosen discipline have usually had their end goal in sight for a long time. In psychologist Daniel Levitin’s study of people who have achieved mastery, he looked at the lives of various experts, from composers to basketball players. The one thing they all had in common was that they had typically spent at least 10,000 hours learning to master their skill.

Behind such tremendous dedication lies a motivation that is strong enough to overcome the inevitable obstacles along the way. Motivation can come in two forms: intrinsic and extrinsic. If you’re intrinsically motivated to do something, it means your motivation is internal and driven by your own interest or enjoyment. If you’re extrinsically motivated, it means your motivation is external and driven by external incentives and disincentives, such as high grades, competition or fear of punishment. Experts in goal theory highlight the benefits to our general wellbeing when we have goals in our lives, especially when they are intrinsically motivated; making progress towards a valued goal usually makes us feel good and we get a sense of satisfaction from pursuing goals that are consistent with our core values and identity. Many people simply never get round to doing this and end up drifting through life without any particular sense of direction. I was recently the guest speaker at a men’s breakfast meeting. Speaking on the subject of “Reaching Your Potential”, I asked the audience to complete a template called the Wheel of Life. This is a very simple tool used by life coaches to help people assess the areas of their life where they feel change is needed.

THE ONE THING THEY ALL HAD IN COMMON WAS THAT THEY HAD TYPICALLY SPENT AT LEAST 10,000 HOURS LEARNING TO MASTER THEIR SKILL. One elderly gentleman completed the form and handed it to me at the end. He thanked me for my “interesting and informative lecture”, but said that it had come 60 years too late. Sadly, this is the experience that many people have, or will have, if they don’t put in place some meaningful goals and take action that allows them to pursue these goals. At this time of year, feedback like this is a useful reminder to think, what would I like to change in my own life and what would I like to achieve? Create a video in your head and fastforward to the day when you achieve your goal. Use your imagination and notice what it looks, sounds, tastes, smells and feels like. If you have a big goal in mind, break it down into bite-sized, manageable chunks. And if you only remember one thing, it’s this: dream big, start small and act now!

Colorsport / Imago

Peter Horne is a qualiﬁed life coach with a passion for helping people change stuﬀ in their lives when they feel stuck. He works with individuals and organisations, and can be contacted at enquiries@therealyou.eu. Peter is married with four children and is a member of Arun Community Church in West Sussex.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 37

Advertising Sales: Duncan Williams, Tel: 07960 829615

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

7/12/12

10:48

Page 38

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 39

NICK VUJICIC

NICK VUJICIC GOES OUT ON A LIMB BY JOY TIBBS

magine being born without any arms… that would make simple things like cleaning your teeth and dressing yourself pretty tricky. I broke my shoulder a couple of years ago and was amazed how diﬃcult it was to do anything with just my right arm out of action. Now imagine being born without any arms or legs. That’s what happened to Nick Vujicic, who was born with a rare condition called tetra-amelia syndrome. In place of his legs was one small foot with two toes, which allowed him to learn a number of key skills as he grew up. But early life was extremely tough for the young Australian.

A difficult start When he was ﬁrst born, doctors’ expectations regarding Nick’s future were low. They assumed he would never be able to live a normal life, and that he would probably have to spend most of his time in bed. But while his parents knew their little boy would need extra support, Nick recalls that they always “believed big and trusted God”. It wasn’t easy, but they determined to take it one day at a time.

best and God will do the rest”, but Nick had always found it diﬃcult to believe that a loving God could allow this to happen to him. He blamed God for his physical and emotional pain; angry that everything was such a challenge for him. In fact, he was so depressed as a child he became suicidal and, at the age of ten, he tried to take his own life. “My brother and sister were born with arms and legs so there was a fear of being alone,” he tells Sorted. From a young age he remembers realising that he would never be able to hold his wife’s hand and questioned whether he’d be able to have children. How would he ever even get a job? What was the point in going on? “Being a boy, I wanted to be a man. I didn’t want to be dependent or have to ask for help,” he recalls. “If I can’t provide and be independent I feel like I’m being a burden. It goes against the macho spirit; we want to provide and conquer!” f

“HERE I AM GOD, USE ME. IF YOU WANT TO GIVE ME ARMS AND LEGS, GREAT. IF NOT, USE ME ANYWAY.” Struggling to perform the mundane tasks most people do without a second thought, Nick was bullied mercilessly at school. Added to this, he was unsure what his future could possibly hold. Although people told him that God loved him and had a plan for his life, he couldn’t envisage ever having a real future. His parents were Christians, and told him to “do your Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 40

NICK VUJICIC

Turning it around I ﬁrst saw Nick on Russell Howard’s Good News. He appeared in the end section, when Russ picks his favourite good news story of the week and shares it with his viewers. In the clip he showed, Nick was speaking to a group of school kids. They were captivated and visibly moved by his courage and by his humour; it was pretty hard not to be. He is funny and insightful in equal measure. What the clip didn’t explain, though, was that it was Nick’s relationship with God that changed his early outlook and the way he lives his life now. At the age of 13, he sprained his foot playing football – his “favourite sport in the world” – and had to stay in bed for several weeks. It was at this point that he decided to focus on the things he had rather than the things he didn’t have. He started to see life diﬀerently. But it wasn’t until he turned 15 that his heart towards God changed. He found himself saying: “Here I am God, use me. If you want to give me arms and legs, great. If not, use me anyway.” He felt God had lifted away the fear, sin and shame that had hung over him all his life and that he suddenly had fresh hope. He wanted to know why he was born this way, and when he prayed about it, he felt God tell him that it was so that His power could be shown through him, regardless of his physical limitations.

Life without limits Aged just 30, Nick has already enjoyed a varied and fulfilling life. He graduated from Queensland’s Griffith University with a double major in accountancy and financial planning. During his teens he had discovered that he had a gift for motivational speaking. He had joined a prayer group at high school, albeit reluctantly because he didn’t want to become “one of those Christians”. The group only had about ten people in it, but after giving his first talk the

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

phone started ringing. Youth groups and schools wanted him to come and speak to their kids. Nick recalls going to one school to speak and being told he wasn’t allowed to talk about Jesus. He only had seven minutes, so he prayed God would give him the right words. Before he finished, half the girls were moved to tears. One approached him and asked if she could give him a hug. It was the first time anyone had ever told her she was loved and that she was beautiful just as she was. In 2007, he moved to California and became president and CEO of his own non-profit organisation, Life Without Limbs. Since then, Nick has had the opportunity to travel to 44 countries and speak to millions of people, from church congregations and schools to large corporate audiences. His story is powerful and his stage presence is delightful; it’s no wonder he has touched so many people’s lives. His first book, Life Without Limits: Inspiration for a Ridiculously Good Life (Random House, 2010) was published in 2010 and he recently released a new book entitled Unstoppable: The Incredible Power of Faith in Action. It’s a great read for Christians and people of other or no faith alike. (See p26 for our full review). He has also starred in a short film, The Butterfly Circus, which won several awards including a Best Actor in a Short Film award for Nick. Although his condition is still problematic, he refuses to let it stop him doing the things he loves doing. “God is not the author of pain, but what the enemy tried to use for evil, God has used for good,” Nick explains. He has also done some pretty extreme things in his personal life; surfing, scuba diving and skydiving to name just three. And in 2012 he did something he had never thought possible as a child… he married his beautiful wife. They are now expecting their first child; another seemingly impossible milestone in his life.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 41

NICK VUJICIC

Working through tough times That’s not to say life has been a piece of cake for Nick. He shared with me that he had been through a time of depression between 2007 and 2010 after a business venture fell through and he experienced a burnout. “I fell flat on my face financially,” he says. “We men are visionaries; we try to keep things going.” When everything he had worked for came crashing down, it took a toll on his confidence. He couldn’t eat or sleep. All he could concentrate on was disappointment and the stress of having to pick himself up again. Although it was a bad experience and one that brought him pretty low at the time, it reminded him on reflection that he can’t do everything in his own strength; that it is God’s strength that keeps him going. “We need to be carried by God,” he explains. “It’s about knowing Him. God loves us; there is joy and peace in Him. He gives us purpose, and it brings courage when you understand your purpose.” So what is his advice to other men who are struggling in certain areas of their lives? “At your funeral, it’s not about what you did in your life or what your colleagues think about you. We should care what our wife and kids think of us. “As men we can forget about our priorities; our own relationships with Jesus Christ and with our wife and family. The only way we can be excellent fathers is by getting to know our own Father.” I ask him what he would say to people who make excuses in their own lives about the things they can and can’t do. “Life is meant to be enjoyed! A lot of people rob themselves because of fear,” he concludes. “You don’t know what you can achieve until you try it. Fear disables people more than having no arms and no legs.”

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 42

FRANK PERETTI

A PERETTI GOOD READ BY JOY TIBBS

any people (myself included) believe they have a bestselling novel in them, but few ever fulﬁl this goal. Canadian writer Frank Peretti has made it a few steps further than most of us dreamers, having published more than 20 titles. Frank currently has more than 15 million novels in print and one of his books (The Oath) sold more than half a million copies within six months of its release. It seemed Frank’s destiny was set out for him from a young age; he recalls tapping away on his mum’s typewriter and gathering local children for storytelling sessions from very early on. His early career took a few unusual turns, however. When he ﬁrst graduated from high school, Frank played banjo with a local bluegrass group and did odd jobs for a small recording studio. He later toured with a pop band, got married, enjoyed some time in Christian music ministry, studied English, Screenwriting and Film at UCLA and then helped his father pastor a small Assemblies of God church in the Seattle area. There were probably times when he doubted he would ever pen a masterpiece; in fact he was just entering his third decade when he realised his true calling in life. “I was always meant to be a writer,” he tells Sorted. “I had been interested in stories since I was a kid. I think I

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

reached about 30 before I had that epiphanous moment. “I was pastoring a church at the time and I was really struggling with that. I can remember one morning sitting on a big hillside above the ocean and a real peace came into my heart. It was then that I made up my mind to write.” While still pastoring in Seattle, Frank worked on his first novel at the weekends and in the evenings; seizing every chance he got. He eventually finished This Present Darkness and, after receiving numerous rejections, finally got it published in 1986. By this time the young writer had given up his pastoring position to work in construction and carried out odd jobs to make ends meet. While delighted someone had agreed to print the book, he was very disappointed when it initially sat on shelves gathering dust. No-one seemed to be buying it. But two years later, Frank’s hard work and natural ability paid off. This Present Darkness suddenly gained momentum and featured on Bookstore Journal’s bestseller list every month for more than eight years. A rising interest in the book’s subject matter – spiritual warfare – saw it flying off shelves and this reassured Frank that he had what it took to become a fully-fledged author. He has already sold more than two million copies of the book worldwide and people continue to buy it in their droves.

What’s the big idea? So where does he get his inspiration from? “It usually

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 43

FRANK PERETTI comes from… I don’t know,” says Frank. “I just grab an idea and then the right story comes along. I rely heavily on my own life experience and what I feel the Lord is trying to teach me.” He claims God provides him with a good deal of inspiration, giving the biblical example of God leading Ezekiel by the hair (Ezekiel 8:3) so he could reveal something to him. “It’s like the Lord was saying, ‘Frank, let me show you something!’ It’s been a good relationship!”

“YOU HAVE TO HAVE A HERO. HE NEEDS TO STRUGGLE AGAINST OPPONENTS AND OVERCOME INSURMOUNTABLE ODDS.” The writer believes God has also given him some other useful gifts when it comes to writing successful literature. “I have a really good intuitive sense of what makes an exciting story,” he explains. This probably comes from his deep love of stories as a child. I ask him what the key to writing a successful novel is. He says: “There have to be rules and planning. You also have to have a hero; a person who is usually on the outside unassuming, but then he’s thrust into a situation where he must take action or things will become terrible. “He needs to struggle against opponents and overcome insurmountable odds. The bad guy is always stronger of course. I’ve read some books where they have no hero. People want a hero!” Another important element is suspense. “It’s important to have a plan and to leave questions unanswered,” says Frank. In order to do this, he carefully outlines his books before he starts ﬁlling in the details so that “the ingredients are properly placed”.

Art that imitates life As he suggested earlier in the interview, Frank draws on his own life experience and his real-life relationships in many of his books. His latest novel, Illusion, is a perfect example of this (skip the next three paragraphs if you want to avoid a plot summary!). In this book, Dane and Mandy form a popular magic act that has been going for 40 years. They are tragically separated by a car accident that claims Mandy’s life, or so it seems. As Dane tries to rebuild his life without her, Mandy awakes in the present as the 19-year-old she was in 1970. Distraught and disoriented, she is confined to a mental ward until she discovers a magical ability to pass invisibly through time and space. Alone in a strange world, she uses her mysterious powers to perform magic on the streets and in a quaint coffee shop. Hoping to discover an exciting new talent, Dane ventures into the coffee shop and is transfixed by the magic he sees; illusions that even he, a seasoned professional, cannot explain. But more than anything, he is emotionally devastated by this teenager who has never met him but is identical to the young Mandy he met and married 40 years earlier. They begin a furtive relationship as mentor and protégée, but even as Dane tries to work out who she really is and she tries to understand why she is drawn to him, they are watched by those who possess the answers to Mandy’s tricks and the power to decide what will become of her. According to Frank, Dane’s character is based on his own at a “deep level”. However, while there are elements of his wife Barbara’s character in Mandy, the female protagonist was largely inspired by a particularly memorable contestant in an America’s Junior Miss programme, for which Frank was a judge. “She was so engaging,” he recalls, “so the interest

started with her and then Mandy grew and became her own heroic person; one who won’t give up or feel sorry for herself. “Dane is kind of an older, wiser, mentor type. He is a very deep man with years of wisdom. So what you end up with is a classic student and mentor composition… like Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi; where an older, wiser ﬁgure meets a younger, get-up-and-go type character.”

A labour of love What genre would this fall into then, I wonder. “You could call it Christian fiction, maybe sci-fi,” Frank muses. “It’s definitely a love story, although I’m not so sure I’d call it a romance. Romances are normally about a couple who have never met each other. They’re young and the story ends when they get together. This is a story about a couple who have been married for 40 years who are then separated and have to find each other again.” That all sounds very intriguing and I promise Frank I will finish the book, which I had just started reading in preparation for the interview. I wasn’t sure whether the story was really love-based or whether a bit of male fantasy involving the older man and younger woman prototype was in play. He reassured me on this point. “One of the nice basic messages is that marriage and love can be a very beautiful thing,” he says. “If I can glorify that so that people can appreciate marriage the way God meant it to be, my job is done.” Although some have questioned whether it really constitutes “Christian fiction”, Frank claims Illusion contains a range of allegories and symbols linked to biblical themes. There is the analogy of the church as the bride of Christ, he says, reflecting the desire of Christ to be reunited with his church. Then Las Vegas, where some of the action takes place, could signify “a kind of lost, dark life”, and the doves that re-emerge at various points are a symbol of the Holy Spirit. But whether you are into this type of imagery or not, Frank assures me it is a pretty gripping read.

Leaps of faith Frank has been described as “America’s hottest Christian novelist” and one source even claims he is “the reinventor of Christian fiction”. I ask him whether there is any truth in these statements. “With some qualification, yes. I think what they mean is that Christian fiction kind of got lost in a small arena back in the eighties and most mainstream publishers wouldn’t deal with it. Most of it was romance and biblical fiction. This Present Darkness defied the norms and expectations; some publishers wouldn’t publish it because it was so different. “It just changed the way people saw Christian fiction. I didn’t sit down and think, ‘How should I reinvent Christian fiction?’ I just sat down and wrote a book.” In that case, what advice would Frank give to those of us who haven’t yet experienced success on such a grand scale? “The advice I used to give was: ‘Don’t give up’,” says the New York Times bestselling author. “I don’t say that anymore. My advice now is to make every effort to know what you are doing; learn your craft. Read about it, go to classes, join a writers’ group and learn how to write. You must also be willing to be corrected. You must have a natural ability, but you also need to know how to plan.” And what advice does he give writers who are trying to live out godly lives within what can be a very secular industry? “Just be true to the Lord,” Frank says. “It’s not that big a deal, every Christian has to live in the world. My advice would be to live from the heart and don’t worry about the rest. “Don’t take it too seriously or get distracted by the glitz and glamour. It can be alluring but it’s vacuous, really.”

Illusion (Pocket Books: 2012) is now available in hard copy or as an e-book, so however you like to read yours, you won’t be disappointed.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 44

SEXUAL HEALING

The C in the room, the P in the pocket BY GERALD COATES AND NATHAN FERREIRA

What a din!

he technology we use makes it easy to erase the history of what we have viewed or not even record it. We can access a plethora of incredibly helpful and severely detrimental content in a matter of seconds. ‘The T in the bag’ should probably also feature as part of the title: the computer in the room, the tablet in the bag and the phone in the pocket. Each one of these items can act as an artist, creating wonderful facades that mask the corrosive behaviour in our tender lives. Let’s face it, we can’t avoid being influenced by what we are connected to and are surrounded by each day. But let’s not call it second-hand smoke if we are puffing away on several a day. We can unintentionally see and be influenced by a behavioural trigger or we can go searching for it. We have a choice of what we are connected to, how much time we spend doing it and how we let it affect our lives. If we can’t avoid being influenced by what we are around, what we can do is choose what we are around the most.

We can spend hours at a time online, filling the gaps between various activities in our lives with ‘noise’. Not entirely sound; it is rather the clash of images, games and activity that are shallow and unconstructive. This stuffing can act as a distraction from the reality in which we live. “Then [Elijah] was told: ‘Go, stand on the mountain at attention before God. God will pass by.’ A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn’t to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn’t in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper” (1 Kings 19:12, The Message version). The Bible is full of din and not all of it is bad, but God is looking for us to take time away from the noise to reflect and to hear his voice. Often the noise of the world causes us to lose restraint over our thinking so that we no longer make purposeful choices but are caught up in following our wants rather than our needs. The leaders and trustees at Pioneer Engage Church recently decided to fast in expectation of an exciting new

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 45

SEXUAL HEALING season for the church. Julie, a very intelligent woman on our board of trustees, decided to fast from television soaps. On reflection, she realised what “complete and utter rubbish” she was watching; that she was filling her eyes and ears with a false reality. Soap operas were Julie’s din. By giving them up, she found several more hours a week to reflect, read, feed her soul and listen to God. This came from a replacement of the din in her life with the quiet of reflection.

WE SHOULDN’T FORGET THAT A DECEPTIVE, CORRUPTING WORLD IS JUST A FEW TAPS AWAY.

Blind and maimed “Let’s not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here’s what you have to do: “You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to live oneeyed or else be dumped on a moral trash pile. And you have to chop oﬀ your right hand the moment you notice it raised threateningly. Better a bloody stump than your entire being discarded for good in the dump” (Matthew 5:29-30, The Message version). Turning pages with one hand is diﬃcult; made more so if you only have the use of one eye. I am typing with both my hands and viewing with both my eyes. Should I repent of disobedience? I don’t think I have seen even the most literal Christian with a hook and an eye patch. I don’t think God wants us all to look like pirates! I would hope to think He was simplifying the idea with an engaging way to remember what to do in the situation He raised. Jesus spoke drastically because it requires drastic action. Blind eyes can’t lust, just as someone without hands can’t raise them in violence. However, blind eyes can still imagine and maimed people can still hurt others. Jesus knew this, which leads me to conclude that He wasn’t talking literally. Our thinking controls our eyes and hands, so to really stop we must not simply cut our activity but remove the thinking that causes us to act. f

What is your din? And what can you replace it with? Joshua’s din was the unhappiness of his early years. He started comforting himself by masturbating but the secrecy and the pleasure created an addiction that not a soul knew about. But God knew. However, let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Banning computers and the use of the internet has been done in Christian households before. The holy axe has fallen on what has been deemed to be ‘of the world’. I don’t take that view; I am typing on a computer connected to the internet with my smartphone to the left of me. We can use these tools to access teaching, praise, international missions, micro-ﬁnancing schemes, conference streaming, child sponsorship, entertainment, interest networks, games and recipes, and even speak with a beautiful friend from across the pond. The internet is great if used with purpose and diligence. “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God,” (1 Corinthians 10:31). Stepping back from our online behaviour and disposition, what wouldn’t we be happy to do in front of God? I want to target the very behavioural sequence that takes place before viewing porn. My intention is not to blacklist trigger websites. My intention is that through the following questions you can transform the outcome of the time you spend online. The question is: how are you spending your time online? Why do you search for the things you do? Is this helpful for your journey?

become so used to the computer, games console or television being the only way I could unwind that I forgot what I enjoyed doing and wanted to be seen doing. Don’t believe the lie that you need a screen to unwind. Be intentional with your relaxation, break the complacency that we often ﬁnd ourselves in and do something else. Be creative! Feed your mind, get outside. Make yourself the kind of person that you aspire to be.

Time, but none online! We need to be intentional with the time we spend. So not just opening up our browsers to be swept away with what we fancy doing at the time, but stopping before we do that to ask: What do I want to do online? Is it helpful? Do I need to do it? How long do I need to spend doing it? By asking these questions we can do more of the beneficial things we want to do in less time. We shouldn’t forget that a deceptive, corrupting world is just a few taps away. We flirt with what isn’t labelled, but poison doesn’t need to have a label to be harmful. We can fool ourselves all too easily by walking along the fence of porn, a low fence that can easily be jumped. However, if we were intentional with the time we have, there would be no reason for us to wander to a place we should not be. January 12 (my unexpected day of deliverance) saw my hours on the computer drop significantly as I realised that I had a choice of how to use my time. It’s amazing how much your life changes when you ask the three questions above. I asked them over and over until I had built a new structure around how I could welcome God in my entertainment rather than simply entertaining my flesh. Thank God these three questions have created a firewall that stops me returning to the same behaviour that nearly ruined my life and my calling. I realised on further scrutiny of my time that I had

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 46

SEXUAL HEALING

So how do we metaphorically blind our eyes and cut our hands off? From January 12, I have been asking the question: “Do I need to go online?” This continually led me to answer: “No, I really don’t.” It may be a good start for some of you on your journey to fast from the things that you use to look at porn or whatever you may view. Taking your computer out of your room is a good start to challenging the way you think toward why you use it. For those of you who have to keep it in your rooms, how about completely switching it off from the power? This creates a barrier so that you have a chance to think before you log on. It creates time for you to remember who you are and what you stand for. The more you do this the less you find you need the computer, so when you eventually decide to stop your fast, your thinking and your questioning remains. Internet filters may be the next step to take, so if you do find yourself searching or typing in words that you know are not going to be helpful, you are prevented from going any further. There are several available that either block or send your history to an accountability partner. It may not always be porn that you need to block. If you have a particular friend on a social networking site that posts pictures of themselves that you know aren’t helpful for you to look at, opt out of seeing their posts. If you know the triggers you can stay away from them. Fasts and filters are great steps, but they are not solutions to porn addiction. We can stop ourselves accessing porn; however, we don’t simply want to stop accessing it, we want to stop our cravings and urges to see it. The filter of our minds is much stronger than the filter on our computers.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

A holy hatred I know from personal experience that we can find ways of removing any barriers that are in our way if we really want to. The key for us is not to be simply stopped by the filter but to be reminded of the journey we are on and the choice we have. If an internet filter simply serves as a preventive measure, stimuli will be found from elsewhere and our thinking will not change. If it acts as a reminder and a barrier it is so much more effective. Barriers alone are not enough in a battle, you need weapons. I have already mentioned connecting with God’s Spirit and praying against temptation. One weapon in our arsenal is to ask for a holy hatred of porn. When we ask, God is faithful. It shouldn’t surprise us if we do indeed burn with an active hatred of the objectification and corruption of sex in porn. Our priority should not be to remove access to negative triggers. Instead, our priority should be to transform our thinking and living so that we can be the most effective disciples of Jesus Christ that we can be. We should be changing our lives so that we can spend more time in fellowship with Him. Changing the shape of how we can use our time is not enough; we must rethink the very purpose of how it can be used. Jesus lived a perfect life, not a good one. We see transformation in our lives through our decision to be Christlike; choosing to live well won’t get the same result. So choose to be perfect with how you use your phone, computer and tablet, or, more importantly, be perfect in your thinking and intention of what they can be used for. Don’t just be good with how you use them.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

11/12/12

10:36

Page 47

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 48

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 49

RAY WINSTONE

He’s everybody’s favourite hard man. With an image as the go-to guy for directors when they’re after a Cockney geezer to cast, it can be diﬃcult to visualise Ray Winstone in any other way.

THE

GOOD THE BAD AND THE

SWEENEY

or many, Winstone is eternally deﬁned by his pivotal role in 1979 borstal drama Scum, and the oft-repeated menacing line: “Who’s the daddy?” will follow him forever, whatever role he takes. The thing is, Winstone’s career has actually been pretty diverse, and in real life he’s a big softie. Well, alright – one with a roguish charm at least. And despite his thuggish image, mention his name to any female and she’ll likely go weak at the knees. He’s got an intoxicating allure that captivates the fairer sex; an allure that he’s aware of, even if he’s at pains to explain it. “As a sex symbol, I don’t know what is appealing to women,” Winstone tells IndieLondon. “I’m a 55-year-old fat man, you know? I think it’s the way you treat women that makes you sexy, if you like. You’ve got to be genuine. You’ve got to be … a bit of a gentleman and a bit of a rogue at the same time. But if you try and set out to be that then you’re not going to achieve it. I don’t know how that works. Ask the ladies. But if I am, then fantastic!” Hayley Atwell, Winstone’s co-star and love interest in British director Nick Love’s gritty version of The Sweeney, sheds some light when she tells IndieLondon: “As a lady I have to say that charisma and presence and good manners and a great sense of humour go a long way … more than a six-pack does, anyway. And more than [French musketeer] Aramis does! “But I do think that I’m much more attracted to someone who just naturally carries himself with

conﬁdence. But a genuine conﬁdence. It’s not based on trying to impress anyone, or insecurity, or trying to be something that you’re not. It comes from something far deeper. If you know yourself, I think that becomes instantly very attractive and I think that’s across the board for women.”

Matt Baron/BEI/Rex Features

BY KIM FRANCIS

“AS A SEX SYMBOL, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS APPEALING TO WOMEN. I’M A 55-YEAROLD FAT MAN,YOU KNOW? I come face-to-(55-year-old-fat-)face with Winstone in London’s swanky Savoy hotel. When we meet, my eyes roll. I’m expecting the no-nonsense, down-to-earth Ray Winstone we’re all familiar with; the one that’s got no time for façades, grand gestures and Tinseltown veneers. But he walks into the room wearing sunglasses, which, diva-like, he never takes oﬀ. Given his reputation in the past for boozing and brawling, it crosses my mind that perhaps he’s covering up the eﬀects of one or the other; but Winstone’s a reformed character. These days, the former child boxer is a settled family man who reportedly drinks nothing more than a glass or two of red with dinner. Once we’re into the questions, however, it’s clear that this is the Ray Winstone we all want to see: a Cockney barrow-boy type with a whole lot of feet-on-the-ground magnetism and a little bit of the scoundrel about him. f

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 50

RAY WINSTONE

Brian J. Ritchie/Hotsauce/Rex Features

He’s a star, and he knows it… the shades signal that clearly enough. But what’s also implicit is that he’s selfaware enough to know what people think of him and to give them what they want. He’s larger than life, and yet he’s someone you can identify with, and perhaps it’s this paradox that has helped bring him huge success both here and across the pond. There’s certainly more to Ray than the simple London wide boy, and that’s evidenced in the huge number of acclaimed directors that have called on his considerable talents over the years. The latest of these is visionary director Darren Aronofsky, who has cast Winstone opposite Russell Crowe in forthcoming biblical epic Noah. Due for release in March 2014, the big-budget film is set to be the first noteworthy adaptation of the well-known Bible story since a version hit cinemas in 1928. It recounts, on a grand scale, the tale of 900-year-old Noah and the ark he builds to save creation after receiving a message from God that devastating floods will ensue. That Winstone apparently beat acting heavyweights Liam Neeson, Liev Schreiber and Val Kilmer to the role as Noah’s nemesis speaks volumes about his credibility among the influential movers and shakers in the industry. Working with directors like Aronofsky is not a fluke: he’s worked with Martin Scorcese on two films (The Departed and Hugo), as he has done with the late, great Anthony Minghella (Cold Mountain and Breaking and Entering). And then there’s the work he’s done with acclaimed British king of the kitchen sink drama, Ken Loach (Ladybird Ladybird), acting giant-turned-directorial talent Gary Oldman (Nil by Mouth) and Hollywood’s crown prince, Steven Spielberg (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). That’s some CV right there.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

It also pays testament to his admirable work ethic. Winstone is a grafter, and that’s plainly something that isn’t lost on the directors who cast him. Born in Hackney in 1957, his parents were greengrocers. They worked hard at running their fruit and vegetable business, and this is where Ray learnt to graft. It’s also presumably where he picked up his family values. He married wife Elaine in 1979, the same year he made his breakthrough in Scum, and the couple are still together 33 years later. Their enduring marriage hasn’t been without its tests. Winstone has been declared bankrupt twice in that time but, through it all, they have made it work and produced three daughters to boot. Maybe it’s living in a houseful of women that has softened tough guy Ray? He’s certainly respectful. When asked about his love scene in The Sweeney with the lovely Hayley Atwell, Ray artfully dodges the question about intimate scenes and the related perks of being an executive director on the project, focusing instead on the (non-)role he played in the film’s production. “The terminology of executive producer means you do absolutely nothing,” he says. “I don’t know what it is. You put your name onto a film – and I’m very proud to have my name on this film – but as for developing the film other than from an actor’s point-of-view, I had nothing to do with it. “That was down to [film company] Vertigo, Chris [Simon, producer] and all the people there. They put this film together and, I must say as well, I’ve worked on some British films, which I love doing, but the way they’re distributing the film has been far better than on anything else I’ve worked on. For once, I’ve worked on a film where they know how to sell it. The rest is up to the public whether they like it or not, but they have really

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 51

RAY WINSTONE put it together very, very well. But that has nothing to do with me. My name’s just there.” Modest too, then. Director Nick Love credits Winstone with having a little more involvement than Ray is prepared to acknowledge. He tells IndieLondon: “The reason that Ray is an executive producer on the film is because he suffered me talking b****cks for six years! We had two or three false starts [in getting The Sweeney made] over the years and we got into preproduction a couple of times.” As well as remaining steadfastly loyal to the project, having promised to step into the role of Jack Regan made famous by the late John Thaw, Ray was instrumental in casting rapper Ben Drew (of Plan B fame) as his partner, George Carter; played in the original series by Dennis Waterman. This is a masterstroke as Ben’s presence turned out to be one of the film’s highlights. “Ray and I met with a few possible different Carters and I talked to Ben about playing a smaller part in the film, about being one of the young coppers,” continues Love. “But we never really met anyone that inspired us that much as a Carter. So, we talked about the idea of Ben doing it because he was so sort of… I wouldn’t say leftfield as a choice, but he’s a raw talent rather than someone who might bring a lot of drama school training into it. “We had a lot of false starts with the film, but once we had Ben we were off and running because then suddenly it fell into place. When you’re trying to cast something as iconic as The Sweeney it is all about who plays the two roles. As soon as we talked about Ben playing Carter, it suddenly became a story that became interesting to people and it made a lot of sense. So, once that was sorted we were offered money.”

“I’VE WORKED WITH SOME GREAT YOUNG ACTORS. AND IT KIND OF REMINDS YOU… IT UPS YOUR GAME, FOR STARTERS.”

Jackie McCormick/Rex Features

So, as well as conversations with Winstone and a mutual sense that in Ben they’d found their man, it was the dynamic between “older tongue” and “younger tongue”, to quote Love, that cemented their decision and led to the film finally seeing the light of day – and the garnering of some great reviews. Ray claims working with Ben also taught him a lot. Surprising as it may seem for a man with so much experience and talent, it forced him to re-evaluate his acting methods and remind him he can’t afford to get complacent. “I don’t always turn up for work 100% sure of what I’m going to do or how I’m going to go about it. I think you’re thinking about it all the time,” he says. “But with people like Ben, and especially with young actors who come along, they’re so far in front of what we were at that age and probably still are at my age now. I’ve worked with some great young actors. And it kind of reminds you… it ups your game, for starters. “It kind of reminds you of the basics that you forget about. Where I used to run around the block to get myself into a thing, you kind of get into a mode where you haven’t got to do that anymore and you think you can just switch that on because you’ve learnt how to do that. “But sometimes you lose something by forgetting that and that memory comes back to you, so you start going back to your basic stuff and why you’ve gone on… they’re the reasons you went on. I’m not saying I do press-ups and run a mile around the block, because I’d be too knackered to actually do the scene, but it’s just that basic technique you learned when you were a young man that stands you in good stead.” f

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 52

What he gets from working with a younger generation, and particularly people like Ben, is something that he applies to life in general, as well as work. “It’s really just about life, too, and the way the world works now.” He explains: “We sometimes get lost in a bubble. When you get to a certain age, you’re always thinking about the old days and how it wasn’t like that then. Well, yeah, that’s great and it’s very nostalgic and all that, but actually the world has moved on. We had many times [on The Sweeney] where we’d just sit down and have a chat about what’s happening in the world. I’m lucky enough to have a kid with me who is actually really intellectually up with what’s going on in the world and actually puts his money where his mouth is and goes and does something about it; he goes and talks about it. It livens you up a bit and it brings you into the 21st century.”

Do you know your Noah? Noah in the Bible According to the biblical account, God spoke to Noah in his six-hundredth year about the wickedness of the people living round about him. Although there was no sign of bad weather at the time, God instructed Noah to build an ark that would withstand some pretty fierce conditions. Noah obeyed God and took with him his family and the many animals he was told to save. When they were safely inside the ark, God flooded the earth completely. Noah and his family lived inside the ark for more than a year until the land was dry enough for them to get out. On doing so, God gave them a sign – a rainbow – that would remind mankind of the promise God had made; that He would never flood the whole Earth again. Noah died 350 years after the flood, at the grand old age of 950.

Noah the film Loosely based on the biblical account of Noah’s life in Genesis 6-9, 2014 film Noah will boast a host of famous faces in addition to Winstone, including Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Douglas Booth, Logan Lerman and Emma Watson.

Moviestore Collection/Rex Features

Subject to divine visions foretelling the end of the world, Noah (Crowe) attempts to tell the people to cease their mistreatment of the Earth. No-one listens to his warnings, and Noah and his family are cast out to fend for themselves in the wilderness. Noah approaches a race of giant, six-armed angels known as “Watchers” to rally them to his cause. Look out for reviews in a future issue of Sorted!

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

But it isn’t just the younger generation that has taught Winstone a thing or two. As a young actor, he actually appeared in an episode of The Sweeney alongside John Thaw, a man he has had the good fortune to work with on three separate occasions since then: in short film Masculine Mescaline; in TV series Kavanagh QC; and in 1980s sitcom Home to Roost. “I liked him as a man as well as an actor,” says Winstone, paying tribute to Thaw. “He was a fantastic actor and an icon. But that was one of the things when it came to doing this. I thought, ‘How do you follow that? How do you make it even as good?’ “But you can’t, so you have to try and reinvent it and make it your own. I remember realising something at that point. I was rehearsing Nil by Mouth at the time and I was doing a play at the Royal Court and I had a really bad day on Kavanagh. I had this long 15-minute scene and I couldn’t remember a line. My brain just switched off and I was gone, I was dead. It was my body saying: ‘I’ve had enough.’ I remember the extras at the end of the night thanking me for giving them another four hours of work! It’s a confidence killer. “[But] I had a great director who said: ‘No, listen, you’re alright. Tomorrow is another day.’ And John Thaw was terrific about it, even though I had made the day very long. The next day I came back and I was fine. It was probably one of the best scenes I’ve ever done as an actor. “But watching him as a man who had so much dialogue every day to learn… he’d go to his Winnebago to do it and people would start to say, ‘He’s not very sociable’. But I think that’s what happens when you carry a show or a film on your shoulders. You actually do go and lock yourself away because you have to, in order to be on the ball. But he was a complete and utter professional and I kind of learned something from that (and how he was with me). He was a very special man.” These sentiments could surely be echoed in reference to Winstone – the sweetest tough guy you’ll ever meet.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 53

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 54

MONEY MATTERS

Chris’ story

A LOST CAUSE? Why is it that men can’t ask for directions? Often the quickest solution is to stop and ask someone, but it seems most men would prefer to drive round in circles than admit they are lost. And it would appear that the same is true when it comes to asking for help with ﬁnancial diﬃculties. BY KATHY FREEMAN

ccording to debt counselling charity Christians Against Poverty (CAP), men are a third less likely than women to ask for help with spiralling personal debts. When it comes to seeking help, women are far more likely to pick up the phone for advice. “We don’t know whether women are more pragmatic, or if men have that determination to sort things out on their own,” says chief executive Matt Barlow. Whatever the reason, evidence shows that debt is having serious consequences on men’s health and wellbeing. Recent figures show that a staggering 76% of men say that debt affects their health, and more than a quarter of men have been prescribed medication to cope with the stress. With statistics like this you have to wonder why so many still choose to suffer in silence when help is so easily at hand. Chris from Bognor understands the serious health consequences of trying to deal with debt alone. He tried the male approach: to navigate his own way through the situation, until he realised that he was getting nowhere. Overwhelmed by stress and anxiety, he eventually sought help from CAP. His message to men in similar situations is, don’t “hang around” before asking for help.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Money wasn’t always a concern for Chris; he enjoyed a regular income from his job while working as a delivery driver. He made a conscious effort to keep on track with his finances and didn’t live an extravagant lifestyle. Chris did well at his job and particularly enjoyed the social aspect of meeting people. “I had lots of contacts and had a laugh with them,” he says. “I was good at keeping customers happy.” As a bubbly, outgoing and chatty man, Chris is not the type of guy you would imagine being hit by depression and low self-esteem. So how was it that this man found himself struggling just to make it through the day; feeling crushed under the weight of mounting debts? Despite keeping a check on his finances, the everincreasing cost of living wasn’t matched by Chris’ salary, and soon enough money became a real concern. He carried on, but family life had also hit a rocky patch, and over time the pressure became too much for Chris. He reached breaking point: “I got so stressed out and I just flew off the handle and I lost my job,” he says. With no regular income and bills to pay, Chris had some tough choices to make. He began to make cutbacks, but this wasn’t enough and the letters demanding money continued to flow through the letterbox. “I didn’t know which way to go. I had less than a fiver for a fortnight to live on. I didn’t eat for about two weeks and lost so much weight,” he recalls. Burdened by the ongoing stress and anxiety of mounting debts, Chris’ health suffered and he was later diagnosed with depression. He remembers how he went from living to simply “existing through the day”; waiting for the post to arrive but not daring to open it. Instead, he would hide letters away in drawers but continue to worry about them. Just like Chris, many people who are trying to deal with debt experience stress and anxiety, which can cause mental health problems such as depression. Dr Rob Waller, a consultant psychiatrist and a director of Mind and Soul, says: “Depression affects clarity of mind: it makes money management difficult and debt becomes a vicious circle.” Once trapped in this cycle of debt and depression, it is difficult to get out, and without help it can get much worse. Unfortunately, as statistics suggest, asking for help is a real stumbling block for men.

Barriers to getting help One of the main barriers to asking for help comes from the pressure of the traditional male role, which tells men it is their ‘duty’ to provide for themselves and their families. Despite the fact that society is changing, with more women out at work, the expectation for men to be the breadwinner still hangs over them. It can feel like a huge failing on their part when money troubles hit and they can’t provide, often making men reluctant to seek help. CAP’s Worthing centre manager, Colin Ingrey, has been helping people with debt in the area for two years. He says: “So often, men want to ask for help but pride stands in the way. If you’ve ever read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, you’ll know that men are just wired diﬀerently. Something deep down says ‘we are hunter gatherers and we will know what to do’, so asking for help doesn’t come easily.” Another hurdle for men is being able to articulate how they feel. It may be a stereotype, but sharing feelings is something that often comes more naturally to women. Instead, men tend to bottle things up and try to deal with situations on their own, which (according to the experts) just perpetuates the problem. Then there is the stigma and discrimination that is associated with mental health problems. Mike Bush is a retired mental health social worker and now acts as a

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 55

MONEY MATTERS

consultant for universities across Yorkshire. He says that while some believe prejudice about mental health issues is diminishing, there is still a lot of it around. He says: “There is the stigma that comes from other people, and that which people impose on themselves. People don’t want to be seen as suﬀering or to admit that to other people. These situations feed on themselves, like a hamster on a wheel going faster and faster. It’s mirrored right across health and social care.” It’s this shame and embarrassment that Chris can relate to. “You lose all self-respect. You just get up, have a cup of tea, and sit back down. You’re not yourself. You’re already depressed and you shut yourself away from people. You live through the day and get another one out of the way,” he says. A common concern raised about having a mental health problem is that it will leave you redundant in society, when in fact the opposite is true. Dr Waller believes that it shouldn’t be seen as a weakness. “Just because you have depression doesn’t mean you are unusable,” he says. “Winston Churchill had depression and while you might disagree with his politics, you can’t disagree with his competence!” This argument is backed up by the recent campaign instigated by a number of MPs who talked openly about their mental health problems in a bid to tackle such stigma. “Seeking help can actually help you get back to work quicker. Don’t struggle on; postponing will only make it worse,” says Dr Waller.

Spotting the signs Being aware of the signs and taking action early can help you avoid deep depression. Dr Waller says: “People do not become depressed overnight. It takes time, usually weeks or months. Even when people plunge rapidly into debt, depression usually takes time to bite. There may be initial shock and numbness, but entrenched depression still takes time to arrive.” Although he is now receiving treatment, Chris realises he should have gone to his doctor earlier about being stressed. He says: “You’ll know you’re getting depressed when your self-esteem goes. Go straight to your doctor. I didn’t and things mounted up. I blew my top and that was out of character. You should just go to your doctor and not hang about.” As Chris notes, the key is seeing what is ‘out of character’ for you and taking measures to prevent things from getting worse. Dr Waller suggests the following stages to help you spot the signs.

STAGE 1: WARNING SIGNS

Getting help takes courage It was a huge relief for Chris to finally hand over the burden of his debts to CAP. His worries about asking for help quickly disappeared when he picked up the phone to his local centre in Worthing. “Colin came out and we had a good talk and he said a prayer. I just filled in a form and sent it off. You know these people aren’t going to track you down, and someone’s dealing with it. They can’t scare you anymore,” he says. Chris is currently working towards a Debt Relief Order and hopes to return to work in the future. Life is still a struggle for Chris; however, he says: “It’s not as bad or as stressful, because I have CAP. If someone calls I just say: ‘Here’s my CAP reference number’.” His advice to anyone going through a similar situation is: “Get help… You can’t tackle these big companies on your own.” Trying to tackle debt on your own might seem like the ‘manly’ thing to do, but is seems facing up to it and asking for help is what really requires balls. Mike Bush has himself struggled with debt in the past, so he knows first hand how difficult it is for men to share their problems. However, he says: “It takes a man to admit he has a problem. It‘s not a weakness to ask for help, it actually takes guts and strength of character.”

Work out what your warning signs are, eg tension headaches, back pain, bad skin or arguments at work. Actions Now is the time to take steps to keep on top of debt. You should also talk to a friend.

STAGE 2: BURNOUT You start to struggle and make mistakes. Time is short and your brain is inefficient. You may be snappy, off sex and generally down. Actions Talk to your boss. Reduce demands, even if only for a while, to give yourself some space. Spend time with your partner.

STAGE 3: DEPRESSION You are unable to enjoy things you used to and a low mood lasts more than two weeks. You lose more than a stone in weight and can’t sleep or concentrate. Actions See your GP. You need treatment such as cognitive behavioural therapy and possibly medication. Also see a debt counsellor. [Source: MoneySavingExpert.com Guide to Mental Health & Debt 2012]

Oﬀering support to others If you are aware of someone else who is struggling, offering support can be a real lifeline. Often people don’t ask for help for the reasons mentioned earlier; not because they don’t need it. You may be concerned that it would be offensive to offer another man support; however Colin Ingrey says some of the male clients he has seen are especially grateful for the support they receive through the charity. “I have a client at the moment who’s a bit of a jack the lad, a salesman,” he says. “I get on very well with him. On the first visit, we offered to pray for him and asked whether he’d like us to do that with him in his house or when we’d gone, and he said we could pray with him there. “He was impressed that we had the courage to do that, especially with a family member in the next room who could overhear. He said ‘that really spoke so much to me’. That was one guy to another and it did make a difference.”

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Advertising Sales: Duncan Williams, Tel: 07960 829615

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

7/12/12 10:48 Page 56

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 57

DUNCAN DYASON

The man on the street Communication is one of the key ingredients in any successful relationship. No matter whether you’re interacting with your partner, child, friend or colleague, reciprocal contact promotes and encourages understanding, empathy and awareness. BY SANDRA SMITH

hrough prayer we have an opportunity to communicate with God; a God who always listens. But only by opening our minds, hearts and souls can we be fully equipped to receive and act upon His word. The ﬁrst time StreetKidsDirect founder Duncan Dyason spoke to God he had little idea what to expect. Life up to then had been unhappy and unsettled, even abusive, with no faith or church input; but by this time Duncan had reached a point where he recognised that he was spiralling out of control. “At that time – 21 years ago – I was being chased by the police for burglary, I couldn’t keep a job down, my language was foul and I got drunk every week. Not surprisingly, my family didn’t want to know me and I had no friends. Alone and depressed in a bedsit in Blackpool I contemplated ending my life. But right at that moment I thought: what if there is a God? So I said out loud: ‘God if you’re there, speak to me.’” God not only answered, Duncan listened. And obeyed. “Immediately I heard an audible voice: ‘Go to Tunbridge Wells and seek me there.’ So the next day, with £25 to my name, I caught a train. Strangely, it didn’t feel bizarre.”

When he arrived in Kent, Duncan had nowhere to stay and the only clothes he possessed were the ones he was wearing. “At the train station,” he recalls, “I was hungry so I went into a newsagent to buy crisps then I stood outside and spotted an advert for renting a bedsit. I phoned the number and discovered the room was in a house opposite the newsagent. The landlady gave me a week to come up with some rent. I needed to get a job but the Job Centre didn’t want to know because of my background.”

“I WAS BEING CHASED BY THE POLICE FOR BURGLARY, I COULDN’T KEEP A JOB DOWN, MY LANGUAGE WAS FOUL AND I GOT DRUNK EVERY WEEK.” However, God’s plans for Duncan soon resurfaced. “I was walking through the local Army & Navy store when a manager approached me. He said I looked like I needed work and oﬀered me a position selling silverware. When I told him I didn’t own a suit, he gave me enough money to buy clothes and food. f

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:48

Page 58

DUNCAN DYASON Testing as these harsh, early events were, Duncan believes they furnished him with the skill to work with children and deal with the sort of distressing situations he would later encounter in Latin America. In the meantime, God guided Duncan into youth work, a role he particularly enjoyed. Four years later another television programme determined a new course for his life to take. “I’d been working as a youth worker at the church in Chesham Bois in Buckinghamshire. I was very happy and ambitious about what I wanted to achieve there,” he says. “But one Sunday night I watched a TV documentary: They Shoot Children Don’t They?, it was harrowing. Children were being hunted down by death squads and killed. At this point I didn’t even know where Guatemala was and couldn’t understand why children were living on the streets. But at the same time I knew that’s where God wanted me to be.

“I WAS FACED WITH YOUNGSTERS CARRYING ROCKS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES AND ONE PUT A KNIFE TO MY NECK.” “The following Sunday morning I heard bells. I was curious, so for the first time in my life I went to church. As soon as I arrived the vicar’s wife came over and asked me to come for lunch, then invited me to Bible study.” Over the next few weeks, Duncan received many similar invitations from members of the congregation. “People were caring about me even though they didn’t know me,” he tells Sorted. None of this actually made sense to him, but Duncan was open to God’s message and recognised that he was being offered a new start. Then, just a few weeks later via a second-hand television, God made a further, profound, impact on Duncan’s life. “I bought myself an old black and white set. One afternoon I balanced the TV on the end of my bed and watched Ben Hur,” he says. “Within a few minutes I saw Jesus Christ; I’d heard of him in church. But they nailed him on a cross! When Jesus looked out onto the crowd and said: ‘Father, forgive me,’ I realised how much God loved me. “Someone was taking my punishment for me regardless of how bad I’d been. Right then I went down on my knees and cried for three hours, begging God’s forgiveness. By the next morning, I felt like someone had cleaned me from the inside. That’s when I became a Christian. I was forgiven and I recognised that God had a plan for my life. It was like someone had taken a nail from my eyes; I saw bright colours, the sensation of being born again. “I found it easy to forgive myself, but I kept having to come back to God saying: ‘God, I can’t believe you forgive me.’ But from then on my life changed direction.” Duncan’s willingness to listen to God was remarkable given the relationships he had previously had. Constantly moving house and a disruptive education involving regular changes of school had resulted in few friendships and eventual exclusion. He explains: “I was always the new boy, so it was difficult to make friends well. And each school had different systems and standards to the previous one. It wasn’t easy. My only childhood ambition was to stay alive. After being thrown out of school I got into trouble. Social care was unable to help and eventually I was given the choice of either youth prison or work placement. “I chose the latter. I went to a farm near Sidmouth. I worked long, hard hours; seven days a week for a year without pay.”

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

“When I ﬁrst went out there it felt like the place was lawless. Although I didn’t speak Spanish, I understood a headline in a local newspaper: “Police Rob Bank”. The full extent of the horror of children on the street soon hit me; I’d meet a child one morning then next day ﬁnd them dead. How do you come to terms with that emotion while trying to get on with the practicalities of burial and people’s anger? “Naively, I’d thought children would be more welcoming. Instead I was faced with youngsters carrying rocks to protect themselves and one put a knife to my neck. I witnessed a man sexually abusing a boy right in front of me. You never learn how to deal with that, but a few weeks down the line it can bring you to question all sorts of things. Yes, I felt frustrated, but at the same time I was motivated to help others. There were some very dark times, but you try to use it positively.” Given the mentality of these people, did he ever feel frightened? “I was never concerned for my own safety,” says Duncan. “Fear doesn’t come to the fore for me. My

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 59

DUNCAN DYASON

childhood put me in a place where I could deal with that. Now I have real peace; I know I will spend eternity with God no matter what happens.” God has blessed Duncan with a passion to work with young people. Challenging as it was, that first visit to Guatemala defined Duncan’s career and motives to such an extent that he established children’s charity StreetKidsDirect. Specifically, he wanted to guarantee that 100% of all monies raised would be channelled to those in need rather than spent here in the UK. “I wanted to ask the question: could a charity be done differently? Charities are responsible for a lot of waste. I wanted to offer something where all money raised could go out there and ensure the structures we build are sustainable in the long term rather than leaving projects with no way of running any infrastructure.” With his lack of education and business experience, how did Duncan go about setting up StreetKidsDirect? “The process took about five months and I just picked up skills as we went along. I opened a temporary bank

account, raising money in the name of the charity,” recalls Duncan. “Then we had to register with the tax authorities, do presentations to schools, businesses, etc. I chose two other people to be trustees: friends of mine who had been very supportive of my life, faithful through difficult times and passionate about the plight of these children.” Eleven years on, StreetKids raises up to £50,000 per annum, all of which goes to help street children in Guatemala and neighbouring country Honduras. “Initially, the authorities wanted to keep it under wraps. They regarded children as vermin. But I’ve worked with the government and mayor, and Guatemala now trains all workers in child protection policies. There are so many adults who are alive with families who might not have been alive. And they’ve been given educational opportunities, too. “These days, people perceive street children differently. There’s been a positive emotional change encompassing building children’s homes; training young people; people going to university after being on the dump with no desire in life. When I first travelled there the number of street children was 5,000; this has now declined to 500.” Duncan recognises he can’t change global problems. He tells Sorted: “Everything has to be rooted locally. There’s no way poor little me can make a difference to global problems, but I can make a difference locally.” To continue his work he is, of course, keen to encourage donations to StreetKids, but he believes donations should only be made with the right motive. “Christians should not just give money away without putting thought and prayer behind it. If people are praying over money they are giving and you are using it in ways God wants, you achieve a lot more with less. Christians should give intelligently and get actively involved, such as praying or doing something practical.” And do the children he works with respond to God’s Word? “Christian faith is good news to the poor. People who are poor materially are more readily open to the good news of the Christian message,” he says. “Jesus has an affinity with the poor; they have a simple, childlike trust, which is quite moving.” Reintegrating into the British way of life after trips to Latin America can be difficult, Duncan explains: “When I return to the UK it always takes a while to readjust because you get so attached to people. One family has even named their son after me.” In the last few years, since understanding that God sacrificed his Son for the good of mankind, Duncan has rebuilt relationships with his own family. He has returned to the school that threw him out to share the news about God in his life, and has been in touch with his old social worker. Duncan has also completed an Open University course, graduating with a degree in International Development. “That helped a lot of my thinking, enabling me to explore a lot of issues, particularly on the charity side,” he says. Duncan’s relationship with God, a two-way interaction based on a willingness to listen and a commitment to act has, for the last two decades, defined his mindset and recreated a life that was going nowhere. “The depth of my faith hasn’t changed, it’s the same as it was that day I cried, but my knowledge has increased. Since setting up the charity, I see how God works in people’s lives, giving them hope and meaning,” he explains. “Working with young people is now a massive factor in my life. After the experiences I had as a teenager, I can see why God chose me to work with young people. These days I am extremely busy but I’ve learned the importance of spending time with people. I value that time, and the quality of relationships. I want to see Guatemala [become] a place where there are no more children living on the streets.”

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 60

BUSINESS

CHARLES HUMPHREYS

We’re in Business

’m a child of the ’80s and I remember friendships at school were divided between the roughnecks who liked the chaos of Saturday morning’s Tiswas and the softer, middle-class kids who preferred Multi-Coloured Swap Shop. This was the pre-Commodore Amiga era, when our computer studies lessons involved dialling up a line to the local exchange to connect our asthmatic, cabinet-sized computers to a server in a neighbouring town. In those days I failed to see the benefits (frankly there weren’t many!) of computers. Nowadays, however, I can identify only a handful of daily tasks, including cleaning my teeth, that don’t rely on logging on. With a staggering 42 million people using Facebook in the UK (68% of the population), 10 million micro-blogging on Twitter and more than four million engaging on LinkedIn, like it or loathe it, it’s difficult to dispute the power and reach of social media. Interesting research from Jobvite shows that people are using social media to reach out and to find work, and many would argue that it’s something we all have to become familiar with when looking for work or looking to develop our careers.

SOME HARD FACTS:

69% 61%

of those in work are seeking, or open to, a new job

1 in 6

jobseekers found their last job through an online social network

88%

of jobseekers have at least one social networking profile

of jobseekers say finding work has been more difficult in the last year

(This is US data, but it’s closely related to UK figures.)

Top tips for using social media in your job search When establishing your social media presence, don’t think you have to be active 24/7. Choose a few, such as Facebook and Twitter, and maintain regular activity. It’s good to see yourself as an editor of your own ‘portfolio of 60

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

magazines’ that show different facets of your personality, and as such they don’t necessarily have to be linked up.

1 Facebook Around 52% of job-seekers use FB to find work; 70% of males use FB in their job searches, as opposed to 30% of women. Don’t be ashamed of having to look for work. Why not start off by using FB to let your friends and family know that you’re looking for a job? Obtain local knowledge and personal introductions through them. Put your key words in your interests section: details of the sort of work you’ve done and what you’re looking for now.

2 LinkedIn Approximately 38% use LinkedIn to find work; 60% of males use LinkedIn for job searches as opposed to 40% of women. For those who are just starting out in their careers, getting established on LinkedIn can be tough. The major challenge is to build work/industry contacts and, if you have little experience and no connections, progress can appear slow. However, in the same way that wine can develop into a fine vintage, it is worth persevering with LinkedIn as it does allow you

to develop a full and dynamic CV that can include recommendations, a personal business page and forums to which you can network and contribute (and impress).

3 Twitter Around 34% use Twitter in to find work; 67% of males use Twitter for job searches as opposed to 33% of women. Using Twitter’s advanced search, locate a number of companies for which you’d like to work. It’s a good idea to ‘follow’ their HR staff rather than the company’s Twitter account as they’re more likely to respond. This may help you to stay one step ahead in the job market. You could put your job pitch in your Twitter bio, including a link to an online CV or LinkedIn profile. Tweet about your work and experiences in your chosen industry; it may attract interest. Finally, don’t forget to use a professionallooking avatar. Appearances do count! Charles is an experienced careers coach and founder of Christian-based careers coaching service: Want2 get on? (www.want2geton.co.uk), which oﬀers 1:1 careers counselling, workshops and seminars. He wrote The Christian Guide to Jobs and Careers (www.hope4acareer.com), is a busy dad of three young boys and husband to an overworked doctor. He also leads the men’s ministry at Oasis Church in Colliers Wood.

Social media sites are just the job!

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 61

BUSINESS

STUART RIVERS

Making Your Mark

Surprisingly innovative

ou would expect to see the likes of Apple, Facebook and Google at the top of ‘The World’s 50 Most Innovative Companies’ list from Fast Company. And they are… No

Start talking! Like Occupy, there are many examples from the past where movers and shakers have changed conversations – and decisions – because someone dared to challenge the norm: Martin Luther King, Emmeline Pankhurst, Thomas Edison, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, and many more like them. That’s how it is. Activists, campaigners and innovators change the world we live in.

Bottom up, top down It’s not a case of either/or, but a need for both. Leaders need to make space for innovation to happen and innovators need to keep having new conversations. Without both of these things happening, frustration will set in and the business will never be able to innovate. So what are the some of the basic building blocks that you would expect to find in the world’s 50 most innovative companies? Know your people and enable them to explore their creativity Make space and time for innovation; it won’t happen otherwise Create a working environment that people want to be in Hire for outrageous creativity (balanced with some ‘normal’ people) Invest in the development of creative thinkers and see it as future-proofing Encourage people to play with their ideas and share them with others

Change the team dynamics – mixed gender teams always perform better Innovate with your customers; you (probably) need them more than they need you Become thought leaders in your field of expertise… people follow thought leaders Create a powerful vision to let everyone know that you are an innovator A final thought: “It’s the same each time with progress. First they ignore you, then they say you’re mad, then dangerous, then there’s a pause and then you can’t find anyone who disagrees with you” (Tony Benn, British politician, the Observer). Start talking, keep talking and soon you will change the conversation.

surprises there! What you might not expect to see is the organisation (if that’s the right description) that appears at number seven on the list: #occupy. This phenomenon has spread throughout the world, challenging the fabric of Western capitalism and daring to make a stand for a more balanced distribution of wealth. And it has had degrees of success in bringing big issues into the public square. But what can the Occupy Movement teach us about business and why should we be surprised to see it among the top-ten list of innovators? According to Fast Company: “Like a start-up employing technology as a competitive weapon, the Occupy movement has used tech tools to support, amplify and connect participants.” It also claims the movement has “meaningfully changed the global conversation”.

organisation you work for doesn’t allow innovation, then you either need to start talking somewhere else or accept that institutionalisation is the norm.

An entrepreneur with a background in marketing and business development, Stuart was appointed executive director of Bible Society in 2009. He previously spent 15 years at Ericsson, progressing to the role of commercial director in Sweden with responsibility for business transformation and innovation globally. Stuart is a former Salvation Army oﬃcer whose parents are commissioners; his great uncle was private secretary to General William Booth. He is married to Carey and has six children and two grandchildren.

ACTIVISTS, CAMPAIGNERS AND INNOVATORS CHANGE THE WORLD WE LIVE IN. So if you are a business leader you need to encourage people to start talking; enable people to have conversations that challenge the norm. Rightly or wrongly (depending on where you are), we are taught to work within systems and structures, comply with rules and regulations, and do things a certain way (because that’s how we do it here). Good leadership encourages people to think for themselves, change the conversation and imagine the future. It also requires us to make space and time for this to happen so that people can give their best to the business. Warning: if you are an innovator, start talking! If you are stuck in a rut because the Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 62

BUSINESS

MATT BIRD

Relationology

Five powerful principles to prosper your relationships

he strengths and weaknesses in your life can be traced to your relationships. As a teenager, I can remember once getting in with the wrong crowd and being drawn into a gang ﬁght. On another occasion I hooked up with the right people and found my self-worth growing. Your choice of relationships impacts your life profoundly. At a Relationology master class I was once asked: “How do you choose who to have a relationship with?” It seems to me that, after valuing relationships, how you collect new relationships is the next critical step. There are ﬁve powerful principles that guide me; I hope they are of help to you.

Principle 1: choose carefully

The law of unconscious assimilation states that we become like the people with whom we spend the most frequent and meaningful time. So we need to carefully choose who to be in relationship with, because those are the people that we will become like. Children learn to speak through osmosis; they absorb the language that’s being spoken around them. This is also what happens when you spend time in the US, or at least it does for me.

You start saying ‘sidewalk’, ‘liquor store’ and ‘college’ rather than ‘pavement’, ‘oﬀ-license’ and ‘university’. The osmosis eﬀect also explains how leadership is ‘caught’ rather than taught. The greatest impact on our personal approach to leadership is how we have seen it role modelled for us by those we respect. Who do you need to focus your relationship time on? With whom do you need to spend less time?

to operate in more of a solo environment, such as a researcher, while other roles require you to manage lots of relationships, such as customer services. What is your relational bandwidth? Are you ‘narrowband’, with just a handful of relationships or ‘fast broadband’, with hundreds and thousands of relationships? Be encouraged to work with the grain of your relational bandwidth.

Principle 2: choose diversity

Principle 4: multi-relators

You should also choose diverse relationships. If we surround ourselves with people like us, we limit ourselves. Sameness and herd mentality are dangerous. It is what created the scale of the British parliamentary expenses scandal and the London summer riots. Sometimes people get carried along by the crowd, the culture and what becomes socially acceptable… whether it’s morally right or not. Diverse relationships drive creativity and change. Some businesses get locked into sameness, unresponsiveness and stagnation, while others engage with alternative perspectives that lead to fresh ideas and innovation. When businesses move into a cycle of constant decline, senior management is often replaced in order to create a step change in thinking and performance. This is why non-executive directors and consultants can add value. Which people make you feel uncomfortable and challenge your status quo?

Principle 3: relational bandwidth Before you become overwhelmed by the importance of building lots of new relationships, it is important to understand that every person has a relational bandwidth. Each of us has a unique capacity for relationships. Our relational bandwidth is determined by a number of interacting factors. One of the greatest inﬂuences is personality. An extrovert is energised by lots of relationships, so he or she is drawn to those settings, whereas an introvert is drained by lots of relationships and has a preference for a smaller number of relationships. One of the other major factors is professional purpose. Some work requires you

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

In choosing relationships, I would encourage you to include some multi-relators. These are people who have a larger-than-average address book. Multi-relators can help you meet lots and lots of new people, and therefore accelerate the growth of your own network. This process can advance the breadth of your network, saving you years of building up connections on your own. You will ﬁnd that many multi-relators are restaurant owners, head-hunters, lobbyists, fundraisers, public relation leaders, politicians, journalists, teachers and pastors. Who are the people within your relationship network who have a larger-than-average address book? Where are you going to connect with new multi-relators?

Principle 5: target Set a target. Keep a running list of the people you would like to meet one day. As Stephen Covey says: “Start with the end in mind.” What is it you want to achieve, and why? This will determine who you need to meet, leaving you with the challenge of how you are going to meet them. There is one person I had on my ‘would like to meet list’ for a decade before I had a strong enough proposition to get in a room with him. I had the opportunity to take a guest to a small private lunch with the leader of one of the main political parties. I hoped that this would be an opportunity they would ﬁnd irresistible; it was. As a result of this meeting I was invited to become an approved supplier for his business. The ten-year wait was worth it. So where are you looking? Who is on your ‘would like to meet’ list? Creator of Relationology Matt Bird is an international speaker, trainer and facilitator. Visit www.relationology.co.uk or to contact Matt, email contact@relationology.co.uk. You can also follow him on Twitter: @Relationology.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 63

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 64

ADVICE

SMART TALK

With Ben Sinclair, Jojo Meadows and James Galloway

Sponsored by SortedDating.com – bringing you genuine Christian dating

Ben recently became a father and works as a GP with an interest in men’s health and as an emergency doctor. He also raises awareness through the Optimise Clinic, providing a bespoke mobile medical service for busy working people (www.optimiseclinic.co.uk/ twitter@Menshealthtips)

JJ There are lots of support

networks that are readily available – we just need to help you tap into them. I suggest that you contact your health visitor as she will be armed with toddler groups and support groups for single fathers. He or she may suggest that you have one-on-one sessions with a sponsor/buddy who can listen and help you through your grief. You need all the support you can get so you can be strong for your children through this time. Blessings. Yes, we can help. Remember that it’s not the children’s fault; they should be your focus and not

Jojo is a director of The Light Radio, works alongside youth with Urban Creation – her own project – and is involved with the skateboarding/inlining community. Having been through many life-changing experiences, including anorexia, teenage pregnancy, violent relationships and cancer cell changes, she now wants to help others who find themselves struggling in difficult circumstances.

Pastor James Galloway and wife Becky have been lead pastors at Breathe City Church (BCC) in Stoke on Trent since September 2007. Born and bred in Stoke and a season ticketholder at Stoke City, Pastor James loves his city with an unquenchable passion and believes that the Church should be at the very centre of the community and city.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

You booze you lose I’m 27 and I think I have an alcohol problem. I don’t drink often, but when I do I have too much, which causes me to make a show of myself. I don’t know when to stop. I’ve been like this for years and I don’t know how to stop or help myself. It feels like I have no control and that I’m ruining my life.

JJ You say that you don’t drink

often, but that when you do, that’s where the problem lies. Well, the obvious answer is not to drink, but that’s easier said than done... right? Binge drinking is a common trend in under-30s. If you see your doctor, he or she will be able to suggest support groups in your area. You can get through this with the right support! In the interim, you could try just drinking nonalcoholic drinks when you go out to help you discipline your drinking habits.

We always have control because we always have choice. In this situation you need to make a choice to either address this issue or to leave it to wreck your life. There are a few practical things that you can implement: commit to drinking only a certain amount of drinks in an evening and ask people you are with to hold you to account. You’ll be amazed how discipline can be introduced by simply making a decision.

BS You’re not an alcoholic, but

you have an unhealthy bingedrinking habit. In the UK, many people drink fast until closing time, but self-control is actually lost with the first pint. You need to pull back from alcohol and drinking buddies and think about why you drink like this. Put some barriers in place to limit your intake and seek help from www.nhs.uk/Livewell/ alcohol/Pages/Bingedrinking.aspx for more health advice.

What should I say to my girlfriend if I want us to get out more and she won’t? I can’t convince her to get out of the house. We’ve been together for two years and we only really go out and have fun about once every six months. How can I get her out of the house to have a good night out?

JJ I suppose the question is, why

won’t she leave the house? Does she have underlying anxieties that are affecting her? You need to talk to her, address the situation in a calm way and be ready to hear why she is unwilling to leave. If it’s due to home comforts and laziness, then you need to explain that your relationship is becoming stale and dry and that it is imperative for this relationship to progress and flourish. Hopefully this will make her wake up and smell the coffee. Otherwise, go out yourself with friends and see if that inspires her to come out and join in. The simplest way I can answer this is that, for a good night out with your girlfriend, first try to have a great night in. Wine and dine

After five years of being together, my wife has left me and our two very young children. I am finding it very hard to cope with day-to-day life and find myself snapping at the children. I have hardly any support and my parents live hours away. Can you help me?

OUR EXPERTS

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 65

ADVICE

your hindrance. As you begin to love them, you will begin to feel their love for you. The Bible says: “Those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25). Your life will develop purpose and passion if you begin to live with purpose and passion for your children. There are many groups and organisations that help men in your situation. An effective church should have ministries that can help in this scenario.

Wow, what a challenge! It’s no surprise you’re snappy – hang in there and pray that life will become bearable. But also reach out for support from the community; neighbours, friends and church can offer help if you ask for it. Perhaps you could make your practical needs known to your local church pastor and trusted friends. Make sure you look after yourself too. See your GP if your mood is slipping – we are used to seeing people through hard times.

her, treat like a princess; let her know you love her and think the world of her. You might find that you want another night in; you may well discover that all you need for a great night is each other.

compromise and do something together. Let her suggest an activity she prefers then the next time, when it’s your turn, gently tempt her out of her shell.

Socialising mismatch is a familiar story in couples. She may have a good reason why she is not keen on going out, such as introversion, jealousy, low selfesteem, social phobia or depression. You associate fun with going out, she may enjoy other pursuits! Have a chat about it and try to find common ground where you can

CONTACT US: Got a problem and need an answer? Email: jo@sorted-magazine.com or write to: Smart Talk, Sorted Magazine, PO Box 3070, Littlehampton, West Sussex BN17 6WX

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

7/12/12

10:49

Page 66

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 67

ADVICE

JONATHAN SHERWIN

Big Questions

Isn’t God bloodthirsty?

Let us be quite clear here: the Bible has some very difficult passages to digest. Many of these are found in the Old Testament and centre on the exploits of Joshua and his handling of the Canaanites. Cries of ‘ethnic cleansing’ and ‘genocide’ ring out from the towers of atheism. How on earth could you love that same God? How on earth could you say that same God is loving? After all, we rightly condemn the atrocities committed at the hands of the Nazis upon the Jews, or of the blood spelt in Rwanda in 1994; so how can the God of the Old Testament not be held to the same standard? Some of the most problematic events can be found in the book of Joshua. In one place it is said that Joshua “struck all the land” and “left no survivor”. He is said to have “utterly destroyed all who breathed”. These are heavy words. Now to set the scene briefly, we must understand something about Canaanite culture. It was bloodthirsty. Think of a scene from the film 300, but worse. Child sacrifice?

Absolutely, it was built into the heart of the culture. Bestiality? Part of the norm. If we, part of a nice, civilised, anaesthetised culture, were to be transported back to their day, we would most likely break down under sensory overload at the horrors that confronted us. But surely, you may say, there’s a better way to deal with this than killing everyone. After all, isn’t God supposed to be merciful? Well, we read earlier in Genesis that God was patient. In fact, God waited 430 years before acting. We also read that this sort of thing wasn’t just a judgment on one people group and, indeed, when the Israelites (God’s own people) got mixed up in some bad things their judgment was equally bad. But why did everyone have to die? The question persists. Paul Copan, author of Is God A Moral Monster?, looks at the wider culture of the ancient Near East. Copan explains that it was common to practice the art of exaggeration in warfare rhetoric, a practice still used today. Let me give you an example. When Andy Murray thrashed Roger Federer in straight sets to win the Olympic Gold Medal, all the talk was of the “annihilation” of his opponent. Reading the reports, do we think for a moment that Andy jumped over the net and ruthlessly murdered Roger? Not at all! We understand that such language in this context means that Andy well and truly thumped Roger. In the same way, the language used in the Bible here followed the pattern of the age. And how do we know? Immediately

following on we read that God commands the Israelites not to marry or associate with the Canaanites. This is funny talk if the nation was supposed to be extinct by this point. The Bible is a complicated book, written over 1,500 years and spanning several cultures. Cheaply writing off God with strongly emotive terms such as “genocidal” simply won’t do without proper examination of the text and the culture of the day. Jonathan lives in Oxford where he runs Latimers, a place for people to challenge and investigate the Christian faith. He graduated from the Oxford Centre for Christian Apologetics and now works as an itinerant evangelist, which involves co-leading CVM’s Demolition Squad. Join the conversation online: www.jonathansherwin.net.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

CRIES OF ‘ETHNIC CLEANSING’ AND ‘GENOCIDE’ RING OUT FROM THE TOWERS OF ATHEISM.

t used to be that belief in God, particularly the Christian God, was laughable in intellectual circles. Not so any more. Today you don’t have to search too hard to ﬁnd a Christian in the philosophy or science department of a leading UK university. And so the battleground moves on. Leaving behind the intellectual front, those with a particular disdain for Christianity retreated only to launch an offensive on the moral character of God. Instead of talking about such things as beginnings and designers and all the rest of it, now some of the thrust is perhaps towards what sort of a God there might be. Bestselling author Richard Dawkins – known for his articulate attacks on religion, and Christianity in particular – takes particular exception to the character of God found in the Old Testament. Dawkins tells us that “[the] God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction”, before unleashing a torrent of nasty character attributes upon God. While leaving aside claims of the Bible as “fiction” for a later article, the accusation of unpleasantness should be taken very seriously.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 68

OPINION

JON COBB

Money

here was a chap called John Ruskin who was around in Victorian times. He’s best known as an art critic (ah yes, I hear you exclaim, that’s how I know him!), but he has written on a whole host of subjects from the bohemian to the banal. I recently came across a quote from him, which is probably counter to our culture today, and in particular our desire to get everything ‘on the cheap’. Ruskin wrote: “It’s unwise to pay too much, but it’s worse to pay too little. When you pay too much, you lose a little money; that is all. “When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything, because the thing you bought was incapable of doing the thing it was bought to do. The common law of business balance prohibits paying a little and getting a lot; it can’t be done. “If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well to add something for the risk you run, and if you do that you will have enough to pay for something better.” Sometimes, cheapest may be best. If you’re buying life insurance, it strikes me that the necessity of making a claim is broadly going to be the same whoever you go with, and it’s a requirement that the insurer might struggle to deny, so you might as well go with the Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

is it because they are remarkably generous or is it that they are in a precarious financial position and in desperate need of capital? We only need to look back to 2008 and the Icelandic banks who were offering savers very generous rates just before they went into oblivion. Many consumers who were proactively looking to do what was best with their money (get a good return) were left in a terrible state of uncertainty. I doubt there has ever been a time when stewarding our finances has been more complex. Countering this is the wealth of research and advice that is available if we are prepared to look for it. Sometimes paying for qualified advice is the answer; sometimes it just requires a bit of legwork. But in the current economic climate, if you are like me, you will never have worked harder for the money in your pocket, and I’m quite keen to ensure that I don’t waste it. Added to that, how we handle our own personal finances is a good barometer in indicating whether we can be given responsibility for bigger tasks. Luke’s gospel records the parable of the talents, in which the first servant who has looked after money well is rewarded by being ‘put in charge of ten cities’. Now that really would be a challenge! cheapest (I‘m having flashbacks to a certain Monty Python Dead Parrot Sketch here!) Other forms of financial product ranging from car insurance to critical illness or even bank deposit rates are so varied in their conditions and definitions that determining value can be far harder.

“IT’S UNWISE TO PAY TOO MUCH, BUT IT’S WORSE TO PAY TOO LITTLE.” Certain websites are becoming a normal part of our normal everyday lives. They advertise heavily on television using persuasive items such as cute, or Eastern European-sounding furry animals, or annoying fat Italian opera singers. These can be helpful, but as our Victorian friend reminds us, cost is not everything! We have to ask ourselves, why is something so cheap? What has happened to bring the cost down? My advice is to do your homework, look at other quotes and see if you can spot what’s different, and whether it’s worth paying a bit more for something you might decide is invaluable. The inverse is also true. If a bank is offering a savings rate that is much higher than the rest,

Jon Cobb runs ﬁnancial advisory business Trinity Wealth Management and runs the men’s ministry at Stopsley Baptist Church in Luton. A keen runner, ex-white-collar boxer and passionate Portsmouth supporter, Jon has a heart to see Christian men grow to become the men God created them to be. He is available to speak at your church and men’s group (Jon.Cobb@twm.uk.com).

When less is actually less

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 69

OPINION

RICHARD HARDY

Children say the wisest things!

ecently, a Youtube video went viral. It showed a fouryear-old giving her twoyear-old brother a talking to on a park bench. She tells him he can’t go round spitting and picking ﬁghts with eight-yearolds, after all he’s nearly three and needs to ‘toughen up’ a bit ﬁrst. It’s funny, it’s endearing and it’s true to life. In every family there are moments, phrases and comments that go down in the annals of family history, especially when your kids are small. Nowadays they find their way onto Youtube and are shared by others. Getting your thirty seconds of fame, however, isn’t nearly as important as the impact they have within your family. In every home up and down the land, new words invented; new phrases that only have any real meaning within that family unit. Words such as “smolch”; “jupen”; “bleefree” and “bledrum” to name just four from my own family vocabulary. These phrases once said are adopted by the family forever. Milk, for example, will forever be “smolch” to me and my sister. They aren’t just words; they are part of the glue that binds families together. They make your family unique and special. And this isn’t only true of words; there are family stories as well.

Like the time my daughter, aged six or seven, was thinking about having her ears pierced. She has always been prone to vivid dreams and one breakfast time she was telling us about a bad dream she had had the night before. She had gone into a shop and a man had pierced her ears and it hurt.

CHILDREN DON’T ONLY SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS, THEY CAN OFTEN SHOW THE GREATEST WISDOM At this point her brother (aged five) piped up with his own interpretation: “Joanna went into an abusive shop and a man says, ‘Come here, little girl, and let me stick this thing in your ear!’” To say we were stunned would be an understatement! Children don’t only say the funniest things, they can often show the greatest wisdom – a wisdom that belies their years. Sometimes it can seem almost godlike. Recently I was talking to a group of underfives about seeds. I asked them what we would get if we planted an orange seed. Most of them said oranges, as you would expect, but one little boy said: “An orange tree”. That comment

struck me for its intelligence, insight and inspiration. It made me ask how many oranges an orange tree can produce over its lifetime. The answer on average is 5,000! As I thought about what he had said it struck me as profound. Each of us needs to learn that in most areas of life the things that matter most don’t come to us overnight. We have to wait for them, nurture them and watch them grow. It sparked a thought within me. When we plant a seed of kindness, acceptance and love in the lives of others, not least our children, it will eventually grow into a fine tree of selfworth, security and significance that will bear fruit in the lives of all they meet. So let’s laugh with them when they say funny things, but let’s also listen for words of wisdom and learn from the things our kids say. GK Chesterton once wrote: “It may be that God has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.” Maybe it’s true that out of the mouths of babes God has ordained praise (and wisdom).

Richard Hardy is a Baptist minister and director of the Entheos Trust, which encourages leaders and enables churches to engage with their communities. Richard has spoken on community engagement, marriage and parenting at many national conferences. He has also written extensively on community and family issues (www.theentheostrust.org).

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 70

OPINION

SAM GIBB

Faith

You can’t say that!

YOU CAN ARREST ANYONE FOR SAYING ANYTHING THAT MIGHT, AT ANY TIME, BE CONSTRUED AS INSULTING TO SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE Rowan “give that man a knighthood” Atkinson (Lord Blackadder, Mr Bean and – if you are that way inclined – Gerald the Gorilla himself) was speaking in parliament recently in support of reforming section 5 of the Public Order Act (you know, that thing where you can arrest anyone for saying anything that might, at any time, be construed as insulting to someone, somewhere). Rowan argued that, in this new tolerance, we have complete free speech; as long as what we say does not (or even could not) in anyway insult anyone. This, if I may be so blunt, is just a little bit daft. The problem is that anything we say may be seen as offensive or as insulting. Take, for example, the man arrested for calling a police horse “gay” or the café owner threatened with arrest for displaying Bible verses on a TV

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

screen. The fact that someone, somewhere, may be insulted is not a reason for keeping quite. As Rowan Atkinson puts it: “The freedom to be inoffensive is no freedom at all.” So, men of the UK, feel free to insult me. Trust me when I tell you that Jesus never began his sentences with: “In my opinion…”. Not a chance. In fact, Jesus’ message was so offensive that, after his first ever sermon, he was chased out by the whole synagogue and almost thrown off a cliff. Just imagine Peter

(The original Rocky) beginning his epic, noholds-barred, Acts 2 preach with: “I don’t mean to offend, but…”. No, he raised his voice and declared: “Men of Israel, listen to this.” Imagine a church service sheet containing a disclaimer on the front: “The following sermon is not simply the opinion of the preacher or the people on the front pew; it is based on true events and contains a message that may insult and offend you.” The truth is, the Christian claim that Jesus is God is a claim that offends people. It offends people because it means that they are wrong; that what they believe is wrong. More importantly, though, it offends them because it means they have to change the way they think and the way they live. If Jesus is God (which, by the way, he is) then something in their lives must change. Everything in their lives must change. Sam Gibb is a twenty-something currently living in London and working at All Souls, Langham Place. His passion is to present the message and teachings of Jesus to men in a way that makes sense to them. He has written a series of Bible studies aimed at lads on topics such as comedy, war and sport. Sam’s heroes are the apostle Paul, Alan Shearer and Garﬁeld, though not necessarily in that order. You can follow him on twitter at @samggibb.

n my opinion, Back to the Future is one of the worst films ever made. In my opinion, every single jar of marmite on the planet should be put in a large container and chucked to the bottom of the sea. In my opinion, Alan Shearer was the best centre forward of all time. In my opinion, watching cricket is about as fun as having each of your teeth removed with a piece of string and a remote-controlled aeroplane. Contrary to popular belief, however, I am not here to give you my opinion. Yet it would seem that, in the culture of 21st century Britain, opinion is the only tool in my rather empty looking shed. In a society where the ultimate virtue is tolerance, it is now completely inappropriate to state anything as true, and even less appropriate to say that someone else’s view is wrong; everything must simply be an opinion. No longer, then, is tolerance about putting up with someone even if you disagree, which is an obvious aid to a better society. No, the new tolerance is simply not saying that others are wrong. What was once a heated debate in the pub is now cut short when anything more than opinion is declared. “I’m sorry,” comes the shocked response, “you can’t say that; you can’t tell me I am wrong.” And all this in the name of tolerance.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 71

OPINION

LYNDON BOWRING

Politics

Amazing grace heroes

SLAVERY – THE TRAFFICKING AND EXPLOITATION OF HUMAN BEINGS – STILL EXISTS. Metaxas’ book describes the moment when Wilberforce took his head in his hands and wept, at which “everyone rose, and three deafening cheers rang out for Mr Wilberforce”. John Newton, almost at the end of his life, also rejoiced at the news. I have such high regard for Wilberforce. It took the rest of his life – 26 more years – to completely end slavery across the British

recently read two interesting biographies: Jonathan Aitken’s John Newton: From Disgrace to Amazing Grace and Eric Metaxas’ Amazing Grace: William Wilberforce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery. Many know Newton as the writer of “Amazing Grace”; probably the most sung hymn in history. But not everyone knows that he also mentored William Wilberforce, was deeply committed to the emancipation of slaves, and encouraged many evangelical clergy to enter the Anglican ministry. These two men’s lives were remarkably intertwined in God’s purposes and are an inspiration to us today. Aged 21, then MP for Yorkshire William Wilberforce led a dissipated life; drinking, gambling and partying through the night. But in 1784, Wilberforce had a profound spiritual experience. He arranged to meet John Newton one night to tell him of this ‘great change’ and of his conviction that he should leave politics and enter the Anglican ministry. However, the wise old man firmly believed Wilberforce was ‘called to the kingdom for such a time as this’ and convinced him to remain in parliament and fight for the abolition of slavery. Wilberforce later declared: “God Almighty has set before me two great objects: the suppression of the slave trade and the reformation of manners.” By ‘reforming manners’, he meant seeing a radical change in the moral and religious culture of that time when society was shamefully marked by its disregard for the poor and vulnerable. Cruelty, vulgarity and hypocrisy were rife. Wilberforce worked incredibly hard to see society improved and also laid down abolition bills every year from 1784 to 1806, all of which were defeated. At last, in 1807, ‘An Act for the Abolition of the Slave Trade’ was passed by 283 votes to 16.

Empire. Suffering with chronic ill health, near blindness and constant pain, he laboured sacrificially for almost 30 years for this cause; but not alone. John Newton and John Wesley spurred him on, then there was Thomas Clarkson, who gathered copious amounts of information and prepared evidence. William Cowper and Hannah More wrote poems, tracts and books; Granville Sharp put together legal arguments; Olaudah Equiano, Ignatius Sancho and other Africans gave testimonies; Elizabeth Heyrick encouraged the boycott of sugar; and Josiah Wedgewood mass produced cameos depicting a black man and the words: “Am I Not a Man and a Brother?”, which he freely distributed. The campaign involved tens of thousands of ‘ordinary’ Christian believers too. They were busy signing petitions, running campaigns, holding meetings, writing letters, raising awareness, donating money and of course faithfully praying. Men, women and even children throughout the land contributed. Thank God for people in churches who are doing the same today! The world has greatly

changed and yet today’s challenges are similar. Slavery – the trafficking and exploitation of human beings – still exists, and moral values and standards in our nation are under threat more than ever. Increasingly, Christians are becoming involved in the political arena, in the media, within government departments and in local authorities, while others sustain them with prayer and add their voices where needed. With more Christian politicians in Westminster today than in living memory, there are huge opportunities to work for change and to stand up for human dignity. The amazing grace that brought about such change back then is still around today!

Lyndon Bowring was born in Wales and studied at the London Bible College. He is an associate minister at Kensington Temple, and has been executive chairman of CARE for over 25 years. His hobbies include watching rugby, exploring London’s restaurants and developing friendships. He lives in London with his wife Celia, and they have three children.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 72

OPINION

LEE AND BAZ

Cut to the Chase

“IF I DO THIS FROM MY HEART THEN IT WILL WORK.” After getting a “hurry up, get on with it” nod from the organisers, I quickly asked: “What advice would you give to people living in the 21st century?” He answered with a smile: “The 20th century became a century of bloodshed. That immense bloodshed failed to bring a better or happier world. If we use common sense, we must now find a different approach when we are facing problems; we should not be using violence. “The only approach that there is left is dialogue... In order to create dialogue, you should first respect others’ rights... then compromise or reconciliation dialogue can be meaningful... A long time ago, people just thought ‘me, me, me, me, me’. Now we should think ‘us’. The whole world should be part of ‘us’; a part of ‘we’.” He was polite and friendly, and as he spoke he looked me square in the eye. As with every other interviewer, he treated me like a real person, and I was impressed. But what impressed me more was that his interviews and his speech were all about people and relationships. It was timely, after such a turbulent year in the business world. Not only that, but he had shared the stage earlier in the day with retail guru Mary Portas and former Olympian Steve Cram. When I asked them a few questions, their messages

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

lined up with his in many ways. I don’t think this was planned, how could it have been? As a professional speaker myself I know how these things work, and they certainly seemed “off script”. I asked Mary Portas about her journey from a Saturday job in Boots to becoming one of the

Lee and Baz are men’s event speakers and authors. You can follow them on twitter @leeandbaz. Lee Jackson is one half of www.leeandbaz.com. In his spare time he runs a speaking and training business (leejackson.biz).

Colorsport / Darren Blackman

UK’s business gurus. She too looked me straight in the eyes and talked about hard work, but she also mentioned the importance of integrity: “As you get older, I think you must come from a place of honesty and integrity; that is the most essential thing to do in business today... Every time I have gone for a new challenge I have thought, ‘Yes, if I do this from my heart then it will work’.” Then I chatted to Olympic legend Steve Cram about his sporting success, and he too was a great interviewee. “You might be in business in a really good business, doing really well and being very positive and then your major suppliers go bust or your normal customers disappear; you have to react to things that are going on around you and you have to stay positive. “You come second for now but you then have to go, ‘Right, you know I’m going to make sure this doesn’t happen.’ You do your best to try and work on those things. “I have learnt that as you move into other spheres, i.e. broadcasting, you have bad days; I have bad days commentating. You do not come off air saying: ‘I’m not doing this anymore’. You have got to be honest. Sometimes outside of sport, people are not honest enough. Unless you are honest with what the truth is, it is really hard to put things right.” I was starting to join the dots. At one of the biggest business conferences in the UK for which companies had paid serious money to attend, the main speakers were all talking about the importance of good relationships, honesty and integrity; subjects that I’ve been passionate about for years. Whether people took these messages any further is up for debate, but I was encouraged. Big business can do better and do more to foster real relationships and show integrity, but it’s not all doom and gloom. Don’t believe the hype, we aren’t in a recession that we can never get out of, and there are good people running good businesses out there. We just have to look. But, as Michael Jackson cheesily put it, we can only start with the man (or woman) in the mirror. A magazine like Sorted, and readers like you, are probably already on this journey because you chose this magazine over a less positive publication. We have a headstart, so let’s keep going in the right direction. Relationships, honesty and integrity are key, and we need keys to unlock doors we’ve never been through before.

o say it was an unusual day would be an understatement. Have you ever been in a situation and suddenly wondered how on earth you got there? This was one of those days. After the very nice people at The Yorkshire International Business Convention in Leeds gave me a pass, I bizarrely found myself faceto-face with one of the most influential and controversial people in the world. This guy is a simple, bespectacled monk who has devoted his life to a nation oppressed by a super power. But he also causes a stir wherever he goes just by turning up. This visit was no different. Just a few days beforehand, the Chinese government had threatened to remove their Olympic athletes from the Leeds training camps just because he was visiting the city! I’m not a Buddhist, as you may know, but I was interested to hear the Dalai Lama’s wisdom for us in these challenging times. His time was very limited and the media scrum and entourage was big, so I only got to ask one question for Sorted.

Business as usual?

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 73

Have you thought of sending a box of Sorted magazines into your local prison? It’s a great way to carry the message to people who often need some hopeful news… “We also sponsor copies direct for prisoners,” says Duncan Williams (pictured) from our Sorted magazine outreach team. “In London, we send in boxes to HMP Wandsworth via the Chaplaincy and I also get asked to do regular talks at the rehab unit. I have found the magazines to be a very useful communication tool, and we are always keen to link up with other prisons and volunteer services wanting to work with us.”

Get in touch if you would like to order a subscription! It will help us to keep expanding our outreach mission throughout 2013

Sorted. Tel: 01903 732190 www.sorted-magazine.com Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 74

MARK CHESTER

F is for faith, family and football

FootballFamilyFaith.com Mark is the owner and editor of www.footballfamilyfaith.com, which exists to promote the enjoyment of football, the celebration of family life and an understanding of Christian faith. Football is the underlying theme. For example, the ‘Football Philosopher Explores’ series questions what our response to a football issue should be, including a brief look at anything of relevance in the Bible. A recent examination of diving in football concluded: “Ultimately, it is a matter of conscience because referees cannot reasonably be expected to instantly interpret a commotion correctly in every instance… “Adopting a habit of self-regulation might not always lead to victory on a football pitch, but surely a triumph of character is a higher calling.”

The curriculum is based on seven themes: Work as a team Get off the bench Talk a good game Sing your support Play by the rules Get up, don’t give up You’ll never walk alone As part of its desire to support and encourage families, the club runs Tactics 4 Families nights, when they invite groups of families to come to Anfield. There are quizzes and games at these events as well as a meal in the Boot Room Restaurant. The purpose is to give the families involved a great evening and memories while building up their family relationships. Mark’s journey to Anfield was an interesting one. As a lifelong supporter of LFC, you sense that it is no hardship for him to come to work at the club every day. He worked in Customs in Excise for the Civil Service for 15 years. Then he met a man called Dirk Uitterdijk, who talked to Mark about his passion for family life and supporting fathers in particular. As a newish father himself, Mark could see the need.

BY STUART WEIR

nyone who follows football knows about the place of Liverpool FC in football folklore. The club has won 18 League titles, seven FA Cups, eight League Cups, five European Cups, three UEFA Cups and three UEFA Super Cups. Legendary names such as Bill Shankly, Bob Paisley, Kenny Dalglish and Steven Gerrard just trip off the tongue. OK, so you knew all that, but did you know that the club employs a family officer? When I met Mark Chester at Anfield, it was not in the famous boot room but in a classroom called Reducate. The first obvious question was, what does the LFC family officer actually do? “I am responsible for a project called Tactics 4 Families,” he replies. “It is really using the club’s name, reputation and resources to encourage family life. One of the ways we do that is to deliver a schools’ programme where we go into schools and teach children in years four, five and six about family relationships.” The course is based on the similarities between a successful football team and a family. “We look at how a football team works, the skills you need in a football team. We do the same with a family team, look at how that works and see you need the same skills for a family team,” Mark explains.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 75

MARK CHESTER Faith in Jesus Christ has always been a pillar in Mark’s life. As he puts it: “I was brought up in a Christian family. My mother, father and brother are all very committed Christians, very involved in church life. I decided that the life my parents led and their faith in God was exactly what I wanted. So I committed my life to following God and it has never been a decision I have regretted. It has not always been the easiest thing to do, but I still have a deep and heartfelt belief in God.” Mark’s reaction to Dirk’s challenge led him to get involved in supporting fathers within the church. Later he started work with Dirk at YMCA England as the dads and lads development oﬃcer, setting up dads and lads projects around the country; many of which involved playing football. After a few years, the parenting unit at YMCA England was closed down and Mark was made redundant. At that point he had already had some contact with LFC because the club had run a dads and lads project with support from YMCA England. When the YMCA let him go, head of community at the club, Bill Bygroves, asked to meet him. As a result, Mark was oﬀered a job developing the family work at the club and building a family work project at Liverpool Football Club. It has gone on from there.

“IN THE EARLY YEARS OF FATHERHOOD, PEOPLE ARE UNDER A GREAT DEAL OF PRESSURE, PARTICULARLY FATHERS.”

Tactics 4 Families Website Liverpool Football Club’s highly acclaimed Tactics 4 Families programme (www.liverpoolfc.com/tactics 4families) is now available online. If you are a teacher or group leader you can use the online resources, games and lesson plans to lead children through the fun process of considering the skills needed to produce a successful football team and then applying the lessons learned to family life.

Stuart Weir is passionate about Jesus Christ and about sport, and spends his life trying to help people see the connection. He has written several books on Christianity and sport and worked as a writer at the 2008 Olympics, the 2009 World Athletics Championships and spent a month in South Africa watching and writing about the World Cup. Married to Lynne with two grown up children he is a member of Kidlington Baptist Church and Frilford Heath Golf Club. © Wavebreakmedia Ltd | Dreamstime.com

But one full-time job wasn’t enough for Mark. His passion for fathers led him in several different directions. So what motivated him to get involved in this type of work? “I think there are a number of things,” he says. “Other people have affected my life greatly and have given me a great deal of inspiration to do things. My parents are great parents and my motivation to encourage fathers was influenced by my own father. Between the ages of 8 and 18, I spent every Saturday afternoon with him because he managed football teams that I played for. We shared a love of Liverpool FC as well. And so to start off with, I had a great father, a great role model. “I became a father myself which was incredibly fulfilling – very difficult, but incredibly fulfilling. When I got to know is Dirk and his wife Rose through the church I was impressed by their involvement in parenting work with Dirk, in particular, supporting fathers. In the early years of fatherhood, people are under a great deal of pressure, particularly fathers. “That can be a difficult time and fathers may feel that they are getting less of everything. They have less money because there are more people to feed, less of a social life, less sex; they spend less time with their friends and maybe less time with their wife as the baby takes over everything. Work may not seem as fulfilling. The pressure is on in those early years. I have asked fathers about it and the responses I have received suggest that is correct. But then as the children get older, things tend to get a bit better and settle down a bit.” At this time, Mark’s wife Su – with Dirk’s wife, Rose – was running a parent and toddler group at their church, Hoole Baptist Church in Chester. Su suggested that Mark organise a dad and toddler event. He was game. One Saturday in 2003, they stepped into the unknown and advertised a ‘Who Let the Dads Out?’ event. To their amazement, 20 dads and their children came along. As a result, they started to run the sessions regularly. The initiative took off and Mark was asked to share what they had done with other churches. He and Su

spoke at Care for the Family conferences, to their playtime network and to the network of parent and toddler groups, and a few groups caught the vision. This developed into the formation of a national structure with a national leadership team. It grew slowly but steadily as diﬀerent churches formed groups. In the meantime, Mark and friends were developing some follow-on projects in their own church, which they began sharing with people. Then he was asked by Bible Reading Fellowship (BRF) to write it up to help other churches set up groups. Two books – Who let The Dads Out? and SODA: School’s Out, Dad’s About – were published in 2012. So far, there are about 65 of these groups in the UK and one in New Zealand. In 2012, the project outgrew the structures. Mark explains: “Everyone was working voluntarily on it at that stage and we realised that we would struggle to cope if the books came out and the project continued to grow. So very happily and willingly we passed the project on to BRF. They run it alongside their other ministries like Messy Church and Faith in Homes. So BRF now runs the Who let The Dads Out? project. I am still heavily involved and on the leadership team.” With being a father, supporting fathers at church, giving direction to Who let The Dads Out? and playing football every week as well as the day job, Mark is not short of things to do. He is passionate about it all and is determined that families and fathers should never walk alone.

Who Let The Dads Out? Who Let The Dads Out? is about churches engaging effectively with fathers by running parent and toddler groups specifically for dads/male carers and their children. Sessions usually take place on Saturday mornings and are an opportunity for men to socialise, play with their children and eat bacon butties together! There are Who Let The Dads Out? groups across the UK and overseas, and a range of recommended follow-on activities are also offered. Visit www.wholetthedadsout.org for more information. Mark’s books Who Let The Dads Out? and School’s Out, Dad’s About are available from www.brfonline.org.uk. Who Let The Dads Out? is a core ministry of Bible Reading Fellowship (BRF).

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2012

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 76

RUAN PIENAAR

NO RUAN THE DAY FOR PIENAAR BY STUART WEIR

uan Pienaar is at the height of his career. At the time of writing, Ulster sit on top of the RaboDirect Pro12 (Celtic) League and have made a good start in the Heineken Cup. What’s more, Ruan has regained his place in the South African team. The son of former Springbok full-back Gysie Pienaar, Ruan started his playing career at Free State, but he was given precious few opportunities there before he made the switch to Durban and the Sharks, where he found new levels of success in both the Currie Cup and Super 14. Ruan feels that it was an advantage to have a rugbyplaying father: “My dad was always there but he never pressurised me to play rugby.” Sport was a big part of his early life: “In South Africa everyone plays rugby, cricket and hockey and all sorts of sport. Rugby was the sport that I really liked doing.” He recalls spending hours as a boy kicking rugby balls.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

He made his debut for the Springboks against New Zealand in 2006 in Pretoria, coming on as a replacement full-back for Percy Montgomery. He has played 60 times for South Africa but has gained 35 of these caps as a replacement. Moreover, having started as full-back, he is now a scrum-half who also plays outside-half. In fact, during his 60 appearances for South Africa he has taken up five different positions: scrum-half (31), outside-half (14), full-back (7), wing (6) and centre (2). But is his versatility an advantage or a disadvantage? “Good question,” he says. “I think when you are young that is what happens to you. I played all over the place and covered different positions, and you are perhaps seen more as an impact player. Sometimes that can be a good thing and sometimes a bad thing as well. “But it is always good to have a versatile guy on the pitch and someone you can use off the bench as well to cover a couple of positions. So for some guys it is a blessing and for others not because you are always stuck on the bench as an impact player covering so many positions. But in the modern game you need players like that in your side.” His best game for South Africa was arguably at Twickenham in November 2008, when South Africa beat England 42-6. Pienaar, playing at outside half, charged down Danny Cipriani’s kick and went over for a try early on in the game. He also landed three conversions and three penalties for a haul of 20 points before being replaced by Frans Steyn after an hour. The South African played for his country in the three 2009 tests against the British and Irish Lions. He started the two games that South Africa won but was only on the bench for the third test, which the Lions won. Perhaps if South Africa had picked him they would have won that one as well! Ruan has been to two World Cups, playing six games, but was unable to nail down a starting position in either

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 77

RUAN PIENAAR

“I KNOW THAT RUGBY IS JUST A PART OF MY LIFE – NOT MY LIFE.”

great time over there so far. Playing rugby in the Northern Hemisphere has been brilliant – a new challenge and every day you learn something about yourself.” And that goes beyond improving his rugby skills. He is a man on a mission: “I really believe I have been placed in Belfast not just to play rugby but to touch people’s lives through what I believe in. I feel that I can touch people, through rugby and though my faith.” Ruan was named as scrum-half in the Magners League Team of the Year for the 2010-11 season and also won the Magners League player of the Year award, voted for by his peers. The following season was another brilliant year with Ulster reaching the final of the European Heineken Cup. Pienaar was nominated for ERC European Player of the Year for his efforts. When Ruan moved to Belfast, he assumed that his international career was over as South Africa has tended mainly to select players who were playing their club rugby back home. However, both the former coach, Peter de Villiers, and the current Springbok coach, Heyneke Meyer, have kept him involved. Ruan has made 17 appearances for South Africa as an Ulster player; significantly more than half as a starter, and 13 of 17 in his preferred position of scrum-half. He was also the first choice scrum-half in South Africa’s autumn 2012 internationals. All this is very important to Ruan: “For me still the main goal is to be involved in the national side even though I am playing for Ulster, so it is great for me to be involved with the Springboks and being able to go back home and represent my country.” Things went brilliantly for Ulster in 2012 when they followed up the Heineken Cup Final achievement by carrying a 100% record through into a third month of the new season. Ruan feels it is difficult to pinpoint any one thing that led to Ulster’s brilliant start. He speaks of an environment where everyone is positive and enjoying their rugby, and about the quality of the team and its strength in depth. But off the field, the situation has been very difficult. In September, a very promising player, Nevin Spence, was killed in a farming accident with his brother and father. “The passing of Nevin Spence was a sad moment in the club,” he says. “But that also probably brought the guys closer together, working hard. To lose a friend was really devastating to a lot of the players.” As Spence shared his faith in Jesus, Ruan adds: “I know that he is in a better place now, but we all miss him around the club.” At 28, Ruan has a few good years ahead of him; more triumphs with Ulster and perhaps another World Cup with South Africa. He is competitive and motivated. Yet ahead of any personal ambition, he has a real desire to play as a Christian and “to give God all the glory whether [he has] played well or not”. “That is the important part for me,” he concludes. “There is definitely a place for Christians sportsmen in rugby.”

As is common in South Africa, Ruan’s childhood gave him an awareness of God: “I grew up like every Afrikaans-speaking South African family going to church and Sunday School every Sunday. You read the Bible every night and do your prayers before going to bed, but I never took it too seriously.” Things changed when he left home to play for the Natal Sharks: “When I was 20 and went to the Sharks a player called Jacques Botes started a Bible Study in the team and I started attending that and started learning more and more.” The eﬀect was life-changing: “At that stage of my career I was just focused on rugby, and how it went on the rugby ﬁeld would determine my mood when I went home. If it went well I would be a happy guy but if I didn’t play well, I would be sour and not the most fun guy to be around. Now I have started learning a bit more and surrounding myself with people of faith and I am a bit more relaxed. I know that rugby is just a part of my life – not my life. Obviously, the family is more important and faith is more important.” The impact of his Christian faith is deep and enduring: “It gives me a real sense of freedom to know that Jesus died on the cross for me and to know that I am free. It just takes so much worry out of your head. Sometimes you get so caught up in the worldly things and what people think about you. As a sportsperson you read newspapers or listen to TV programmes where they might say something bad about you. At the end of the day, it is not what people think about you but what God thinks about you that matters.” In 2010, Ulster were in negotiations to sign Natal Sharks and Springbok player, Johann Muller. During his discussions with the club, Muller mentioned that his teammate Ruan was looking for a chance to play in Europe. Might Ulster be interested? Ulster were very interested. And so was Ruan: “I was in a stage at home when I was playing out of position every second game and I wanted to play mainly at 9. I felt I needed a change and ever since I was young I wanted to see what it was like to play in the Northern Hemisphere. I didn’t know much about the place before signing the contract and didn’t know what I was getting into, but so far it has been fantastic for my wife and me. And we have had a baby girl who was born in Belfast nine months ago and we have had a

tournament. The 2007 World Cup in France is an outstanding memory. “We all had an amazing time in France,” he recalls. “Spending seven or eight weeks in France, you learn a lot about the culture and how the French people live. Then to win the World Cup at the end was the cherry on top. It is diﬃcult to describe in words. That is the thing every player dreams oﬀ, to play for your country and then to win the World Cup. There are not many people who can say that they were part of the squad that lifted the trophy. It was just an amazing, amazing experience. It was a great honour and privilege to be part of a great squad that managed to lift the trophy.” In the World Cup game against Tonga, which South Africa only just sneaked home 30-25, Ruan was starting full-back and scored two tries. He came on as a replacement scrum-half when South Africa crushed England 36-0 in the pool game, but was an unused substitute in the World Cup Final. He said of the experience: “From a playing point of view I would have liked to have spent some more time on the pitch. But it was an amazing spectacle to be a part of.”

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

7/12/12

10:49

Page 78

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 79

SUBSCRIPTION

ORDER FORM YOUR DETAILS: PLEASE COMPLETE ALL WHITE BOXES USING BLOCK CAPITALS Title:

Name:

Address: Postcode: To receive great offers, news, products and service information from Son Christian Media, Publishers of Sorted, please include your email address below:

Email: IF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION IS A GIFT, PLEASE ALSO PROVIDE THE RECIPIENT’S DETAILS BELOW Title:

Name:

Address: Postcode: Date you would like subscription to start:

OPTION 1: PAY BY CHEQUE I would like a 1-year subscription for £21.00 Please make cheques payable to Son Christian Media and post to address at bottom of the page

OPTION 2: PAY THE EASY WAY – BY DIRECT DEBIT I would like ____ subscription(s) for £5.25/quarter Set up ____ subscription(s) to the UK Armed Forces for £5.25/quarter Arrange ____ subscription(s) to prisoners for £5.25/quarter I would like ____ annual subscription(s) for £21.00/year

SUBSCRIBE FOR

£5.25

PER QUARTER

Sorted. 6

Sorted Magazine PO Box 3070, Littlehampton, West Sussex, BN17 6WX • Tel: 01903 732190 • Email: steve@sorted-magazine.com

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 80

Advertising Sales: Duncan Williams, Tel: 07960 829615

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 81

SPORT

DAN WALKER

Focusing on Football Red socks and headlocks Belated congratulations are in order for Dan Walker, as Football Focus won a coveted Royal Television Society 2012 North West award in November. The show beat Match of the Day and two other shows to win the prize for Best Sports Programme. © Sergey Peterman | Dreamstime.com

uring a recent interview with BBC Radio Sheﬃeld, the show’s frontman gave a rather interesting account of his journey to Focus fame. Here’s a condensed version – let’s just hope he’s learnt that dropping one’s trousers in an interview is not the way forward… I was going to be a teacher and I was convinced that teaching was the right line of work for me. I’d always been interested in commentary and presenting, and Des Lynam was a hero of mine growing up; I thought he was a fantastic broadcaster and still is. But, probably like most people who are in this line of work, I always thought that it was going to be way beyond my capabilities to do the job that I’m doing now. I went for a PGCE interview in Sheffield after I’d done my degree in History and I was the only person turned down for a PGCE that year. They said that I was too immature. Looking back now, I do think that they were probably right, because there was sort of a good cop, bad cop thing going on in the interview room. The guy was really nice and the lady was a bit of a witch. She spotted that I had red socks on and she said: “I see that you’ve got red socks on and I think you’re that kind of cool, ‘hey look at me kids’, hanging outside the school gates highfiving the children and trying to be their friend rather than teach them.” I took that as quite an affront, so I said: “No, no, no, no. It’s not the case.” For some reason I took my trousers down and I showed her I had my full football kit on underneath because I

was playing football immediately after this interview. And then as I looked up from my red shorts and red socks, I just saw her put this giant cross on my application form and that was the end of my teaching career.

AS I LOOKED UP FROM MY RED SHORTS AND RED SOCKS, I JUST SAW HER PUT THIS GIANT CROSS ON MY APPLICATION FORM. …I was working at ITV and there were all sorts of rumours that my boss, the editor of Granada Tonight was leaving to go to the BBC. I’d only been there six months and then we had a sort of clandestine meeting in the car park where we wandering past each other and she said: “Don’t look at me; don’t look at me”. So I think it was one of those, you know, wear a red carnation [situations]. And she said: “Listen, I’m going, would you like to come with me?” So I did, and that’s how I got into the BBC. …I was at Turnberry – this is four years ago – and the Thursday of Turnberry there’s a phone

call kept coming throughout the whole day. I was on the golf course filming all the golf so I couldn’t answer it. I answered it at eight o’clock at night and it was the head of football at the BBC. He said: “Listen, I’ve been trying to get hold of you all day. We’re having a bit of a reshuffle. The season starts in a couple of weeks’ time and I just wanted to know…”, I thought he’d say, “Can you sit in on the Football League Show for a week while we find someone proper to do it?”, but he said: “Would you like to present Football Focus?” …To be offered Football Focus, this iconic BBC programme, and to sit there with the likes of Shearer and Lineker and travel round the world interviewing famous sportsmen and women and work on other sports as well is just; it’s ludicrous. Most of the time it doesn’t feel like work, and I feel really privileged and thankful to do it. …If you tried to take my job away from me now, I wouldn’t punch you – but I’d get you in a headlock!

Christian presenter Dan Walker was told he would never make it in broadcasting because he won’t work Sundays. Despite that, he is now the face of iconic BBC show Football Focus. Catch him on Football Focus every Saturday at 12.15 pm.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 82

HEALTH & FITNESS

FITNESS With Phil Baines

INTERVAL RUNS 1

Hit the ground running

Run fast for one minute, recover for two minutes and repeat four to six times.

2 Run one mile as fast as you can, then run one mile at less than race pace. Repeat. Remember to warm up before and to warm down after.

HILL WORK 1 Find a hill you can run up quickly (in approximately one minute). Run up it as fast as you can, turn straight round and run down it, using this as recovery. Rest in between if necessary. Repeat four times.

ven if you weren’t a sports fan before, it was diﬃcult not to get swept up by the Olympics and Paralympics last summer. It was great to relive some of the best moments at the Sports Personality of the Year show a few weeks ago. But now it’s time to make a great start to 2013. Even the most successful of athletes would be looking to improve in 2013 and not to live on past glories. We can all have this mindset. The early months of the year provide some great 5Ks, 10Ks and half marathons, and obviously these lead on to marathons. Yet it can be a difficult time of year to get out training with the dark mornings and evenings, the cold and wet weather

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

and the excess weight from all that Christmas food and drink. The best way to combat these problems is just to ‘get out and get on’. Having the correct gear is really important. A decent water-resistant and windproof top is essential, as are a breathable running top and running leggings. Stay warm as well, wear a hat and gloves, and remember to be visible with fluorescent clothing. If you do have the right clothing, running on a cold, frosty morning is beautiful. Even running in the rain becomes a joy! And what of the actual running? I would recommend varying your running to keep it fresh. Do several shorter runs and perhaps one longer run a week? You can break up the shorter runs with intervals, hill work and tempo runs.

Run at race pace and maintain the pace for the whole run apart from your warm up and down.

Longer run Vary these as well. Run some longer runs at a reasonable pace to prepare your legs for the actual races. But don’t be afraid of doing some even longer runs at a much slower pace. Long, slow runs are great for building endurance. In the winter you will almost certainly get a variety of weather conditions, which you can use so that you’re ready for any conditions on race day. I would strongly recommend doing some off-road runs on all different surfaces. This is easier on the joints but harder on the muscles as they are forced to work harder as they react to uneven surfaces.

EVEN RUNNING IN THE RAIN BECOMES A JOY! Lastly, do some runs without timing or having any goal, i.e. just run for pleasure. Sometimes having to keep to a time or goal can become tedious. So, like our Olympic athletes, don’t rest on your 2012 experiences; look forward to 2013 and the improvement ahead. Have fun and Happy New Year! Phil Baines is passionate about ﬁtness and sport. He recently began a venture called Fit 4 The Challenge (www.f4tc.co.uk), which oﬀers a range of physical challenges for diverse abilities. Phil organises each challenge and trains individuals and teams to complete it, either for charity or for personal achievement or both. Phil is married with two teenage sons.

Find a longer hill that takes four minutes to run up. Run up gently, maintaining the same pace all the way. Run downhill and trust your legs, i.e. lean slightly forward and allow yourself to go.

Tempo run

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 83

NUTRITION With Caroline Gerrie

Foods that contain calcium Broccoli, bok choi, kale, salmon*, sardines*, live yogurt, cheese, tofu, almonds and sesame seeds.

And that’s the bare bones of it…

Foods that contain tocotrienol Wheatgerm, barley, rice, sunflower seeds, peanuts, walnuts and sesame seeds.

Foods that contain isoprenoid Aromatic herbs such as cinnamon and cloves, ginger and brightly coloured fruit and vegetables.

Foods that contain plant sterol Flax seeds, cashew nuts, corn, olive oil and spreads fortified with plant sterols.

THIS FRAME OF STRUCTURAL ENGINEERING FEEDS AND NOURISHES THE REST OF THE BODY. As I look at this teeny tiny work of perfection, wrapped up safe in my arms all snuggled and cosy, I marvel at her beautiful fingers and toes so miniscule and wonderfully formed. She has all the bones she needs for her body to grow and flourish. The wonder of a new creation! In the Bible, God says to Jeremiah: “I knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb.” How incredible is that?! Although it is not visible to the naked eye, these series of bones form a foundational structure for Isla’s body; not simply

as a framework, but also to support, nourish and protect her vital organs. How amazing that this framework will grow and develop, carrying her through all the seasons of her life. We are all aware that bones give us the human form, but actually our bones have three main functions and they are: mechanical – commonly known for protection, structure and movement, but they also act as a sound transduction for hearing; synthetic – blood production from the marrow found inside the bone; and metabolic – bones store calcium and phosphorus, fatty acids and growth factor proteins that are vital for bone health. Our bones help to keep the body’s PH (the essential balance between alkali and acids) regulated, and they even play a role in blood sugar regulation and our body’s metabolism, helping with fat storage. In essence, this frame of structural engineering feeds and nourishes the rest of the body every moment of our lives. You might know that our bones become brittle as we grow older and are more susceptible to fracture. Sadly, after the age of 30, we don’t build more bone, we simply replace lost cells. And when we lose cells faster than we can replace them, bone health weakens and can cause a condition called osteoporosis. However, new research from Texas University found an exciting link between healthy bones and Vitamin E molecules called tocotrienols, statins and isoprenoids. These molecules seem to supress the osteoclasts, the bone cells that break

down bone matter, while also encouraging osteoblasts (the bone cells that form bone) to produce new bone. Blends of these compounds are found in various foods ranging from fruit and vegetables, whole grains, herbs, spices and essential oils, and it is suggested that they may synergistically encourage bone cells to build up new bone. So, what else should we be eating for hearty, healthy bones to last throughout our lifespans? Well, eating foods containing calcium is known to have a positive effect on our bones, and apart from the obvious foods containing calcium such as organic milk, cheese and yogurts, foods such as soya milk and orange juice are often fortified with calcium and other vitamins to aid healthy bones. Also, sunlight helps to convert cholesterol within our bodies to Vitamin D, which, alongside vitamin K, is vital for good bone health. It is thought exposure to sunlight over two or three days a week for between five and thirty minutes is enough for your body to produce all the D3 it needs. So daily outdoor exercise, whether in the form of a walk or a jog, has even more relevance during the winter months. So come on guys, treat your girls! You now have that extra reason for a week in the sun… you can blame it on the bones! Caroline Gerrie is a registered nutritional therapist and runs a clinic in West Sussex. She is also a founder of Trade Aid International. In a world of pressure, both in the workplace and at home, Caroline has a passion to see people ‘ﬁt for purpose’, not only spiritually but physically, too. Caroline is married to David and they have three children.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

*Foods that are also rich in vitamin D

here has been an avalanche of excitement for the Gerrie family over the last few months! The girls have been out on massive shopping missions; planning and chatting constantly about the event; pouring over the latest fashion accessories in specialised magazines and catalogues; and then cooing and squealing over the early arrival of our ﬁrst Gerrie baby for 25 years. And yes, even the men of the household have shed a tear or two! Welcome, baby Isla Grace!

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 84

HEALTH & FITNESS

LIFESTYLE DOC With lifestyle expert Dr Chidi (MBBS, BSc)

Knock down ginger; the key to diabetes!

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

and the person comes to the door but nobody is there. You repeat this a few times until the person stops coming to the door. This is similar to how diabetes works. In order for our cells to take in glucose for energy, insulin must first ‘knock on the cells’ doors’ to allow glucose in. So every time we consume something that contains a lot of calories, the pancreas releases insulin to make our cells take up the glucose. If this is repeated over and over again (a Big Mac meal, followed by a coke, followed by a Mars bar), eventually the cells stop responding to the insulin, they become ‘insulinresistant’ and the glucose level in the blood rises as it can’t get into the cells. A high level of glucose in the blood damages the arteries, nerves and immune system. And, as the glucose levels rise, even more insulin is released to deal with it, therefore making the insulin-resistance worse. This becomes a vicious cycle. So if this is how people become diabetics, the key to preventing and reversing this disease is to stop the insulin surges. Sometimes when faced with this

ritain is approaching an epidemic! Three million people in the UK have been diagnosed with diabetes, nearly one million people have diabetes but don’t yet know it, and a further seven million people are at a high risk of getting diabetes in the next ten years! Treating diabetes and its related illnesses costs the NHS around £1 million per hour; that’s 10% of the NHS budget! The even worse news is that the number of people with diabetes in the UK and the Western

world doubles every 20 years. With the global number of diabetics at about 500 million, many Western countries realise that it will be too expensive to treat all diabetics in the future. Furthermore, diabetes is not a trivial illness. Around 50% of diabetics die early from heart disease and more than 50% of blindness, amputations, kidney failure and impotence is caused by diabetes! This is not greatest piece of health news to start 2013 with, I know. There is, however, some good news: diabetes can be prevented and reversed! In my years as a lifestyle doctor I’ve had the pleasure of reversing diabetes in many patients so that they return to having normal blood sugars without any medication. Once you know how diabetes works, it becomes clear how we should reverse it. This brings me on to a children’s game called ‘knock down ginger’. This is the game where you knock on someone’s front door and run away

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 85

HEALTH & FITNESS

HEALTHY COOKING With Chef Mike Darracott

Stir-fried chicken with honey soy sauce Serves 4 people

INGREDIENTS For stir fry 4 tbs vegetable oil 4 medium sliced mushrooms 3 tsb of dried rosemary 175g baby sweetcorn 180g mange tout 1 tsp of curry powder 1 medium diced onion ½ red pepper sliced ½ green pepper sliced ½ yellow pepper sliced 200g bean sprouts 400g sliced chicken breast Salt and pepper to taste Ingredients for honey soy sauce 300g pure, clear liquid honey 4 tsp water 2 tbs light soy sauce

METHOD

2 3 4 5

Cut out ALL added sugar and fat from your diet. The main part of your diet should be vegetables, beans, nuts and seeds. Try to avoid bread, rice, pasta and potatoes for the first two months (if you do have them, they must be wholegrain!) Avoid any meat or dairy products Drink only water. No juice, fizzy drinks or alcohol After EVERY meal, go for a half-hour walk Limit yourself to two meals per day

diet, people say: “I’d prefer the diabetes!” Actually, it’s not that bad and there are many great recipes for tasty meals based on these criteria out there. And every one of my patients who has been on my regime has been able to come off their diabetic and blood pressure medication. Share this information with someone who needs it; offer them a really Happy New Year!

Dr Chidi is president and founder of the British College of Preventative and Lifestyle Medicine, member and advisor to the American College of Lifestyle Medicine, and has more than 15 years of experience as a national and international health and motivational speaker. Email him on drchidi@mac.com or follow him on Twitter (@drchidi247).

1 Put vegetable oil in a wok or large frying pan on a medium heat setting 2 Fry your chicken to a light golden brown and put to one side 3 Add the baby sweetcorn to the wok in the oil that the chicken was cooked in 4 Add the mange tout, onion, red, green and yellow peppers, and rosemary 5 Add salt and pepper to taste 6 Allow to cook out for around 20 minutes 7 Add the sliced mushrooms and 1 heaped teaspoon of curry powder and mix in 8 Add the bean sprouts and cook for about 5 more minutes, stirring from time to time 9 Take the honey and melt in a small plastic bowl over some hot water 10 Add the water and soy sauce to the honey and blend in 11 Put the chicken back into the wok 12 Pour over the honey sauce, mix in well, and heat up ready to serve

Michael J Darracott has been an executive chef at various large establishments. He has cooked for more than 200 people at a time, including a number of celebrities, and has published several books. For more information, visit www.chefmikedarracott.com.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 86

HUMOUR

ANDY KIND

Stand Up and Deliver

A slice of the action

I GOT THE USUAL: BBQ CHICKEN WITH EXTRA CHICKEN AND EXTRA BBQ SAUCE (BBQ CHICKEN SQUARED, IF YOU WILL) After about two weeks of this, the woman behind the bar asked if I’d like ‘the usual’. I remember it being incredibly depressing. It’s okay on programmes like Corrie or Emmerdale for people to have a ‘usual’ because they’re part of a close-knit community and – more to the point – entirely made up. For me it just showed that I was one step away from being a vagabond. Anyway, in 2012 I’m much more stable, both emotionally and financially, so the only real problem with having a usual pizza is linked to BMI. “Guisseppe?” I asked. If I was going to suffer the ignominy of ‘a usual’, I should at least try and strike up some form of ropey relationship. “Which region of Italy are you from?” “Ey, why you-a wanna know that-a, ey?” he 86

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

responded, shooting a bizarrely furtive glance at the other customers in the shop; a mother and child. “Just interested. I imagine you don’t get much chance to talk about home, do you?” “Ey, I’m-a from Umbria, la sud d’Italia.” My mind chose this moment to remember one of the only pieces of “informazione” (that’s another one right there) that I ever learnt during my four years studying Italian at university. ‘Isn’t it “il sud dell’Italia”?’ Guiseppe laughed uproariously. “Haha, you-a good guy, very comico.” “But I don’t understand,” I persisted, failing to catch his gist and morphing, seemingly, into Moss from The IT Crowd. “You’ve made two grammatical errors there. Two!” Guiseppe continued to laugh jocularly until the mother and son, who had just picked up their pizzas, left the shop and were safely beyond earshot. Then his accent lilted, tilted... and plummeted into stark Mancunian. “Bloody ’ell, fellah, give it a rest will yah? Yull ’ave me owtuv a job. The ownleigh reason we’re so popular is cos they all think I’m from Italeh.” “So, are you not Italian?” I asked, as much to my own bemusement as his.

“I’m from bleedin’ Ardwick, fellah!” “Oh, I seeeeeee. Sorry, Giuseppe.” “Craig.” “Sorry, Craig.” “How come youse speak Italian, anyways – some kind of ponce, are ya?” “No, I just studied Modern Languages at Warwick,” I answered, doing nothing at all to dispel the ‘ponce’ idea. Despite the fact that I had acted like a “something in Italian that means something naughty”, I ended up having a really insightful chat with Giuseppe. He explained to me that, in a crowded marketplace, the gimmick of authenticity was what had seen him flourish. He offered me free pizza for a week if I promised not to tell anyone about his white-lie strategy. “I wasn’t going to tell anybody, anyway,” I said to myself as I left the shop carrying the first of seven free pizzas. I’m not that stupid.

Andy Kind has been a stand-up comedian since 2005. Described by The Scotsman as ‘terriﬁc’, and by The Guardian as ‘hilarious and wonderful’, Andy has featured on BBC1, ITV, Channel 4 and national radio. He lives in Manchester and is also a published author, with his ﬁrst book (Stand Up and Deliver) available from his website – andykind.co.uk.

omewhere in South Manchester lies my favourite pizza place in South Manchester. We’ll call it Guiseppe’s, but it’s not really called that. It boasts on the signage that it serves ‘genuinely authentic Italian pizza’. Walking into Guisseppe’s last week, I was hailed by the man behind the counter. “Ah, Andrea! The usual?” I got the usual: BBQ chicken with extra chicken and extra BBQ sauce (BBQ chicken squared, if you will). I didn’t mind the guy knowing that I had a ‘usual’, although the fact that he did know probably suggested that my pizza-to-other-food consumption ratio is, shall we say, ‘unusual’. Back in 2004 I vowed never again to have a ‘usual’. I was jobless, penniless and pretty much hopeless. To make the situation worse, I’d told mum and dad that I did in fact have a job, so every morning I would get up, put on a suit, pack a lunch, and leave the house... and then spend the day walking around looking very smart but with nothing to do; like a mormon who’d run out of doors to knock. Every afternoon I would plod into the Dick Turpin, a pub just down the road from home, order a half pint of lager and, if I had enough money, another half.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 87

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 88

HUMOUR

JEFF LUCAS

Lucas Aid

No room at the inn

was greeted with a “Yes?”. Never mind the pleasantries, just get on with your order. One of us, in a rash, suicidal gesture, decided to oﬀer her a compliment. “This is a very nice pub!” he chortled. She looked up slowly from her pouring, eyes narrowed, and volleyed back our warm comment as if it were an unwanted hand grenade. “Well we’re not gonna change it!” Change it? Who implied that any amendments or revisions were needed? This was a nice pub; we said “NICE”! Hello? Utterly defeated, we retreated once again to the draughty little room from the night before. Okay, let’s be charitable: perhaps these folks get utterly fed up with noisy, camera-toting tourists messing up their summers and see winter as a much-needed breather; a holiday from holidaymakers.

THE MINISTER CAME QUITE CLOSE TO RECOGNISING THAT HE WAS TALKING TO REAL LIVE HUMAN BEINGS…

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Except us. We, of course, knew no one. We sauntered in hopefully, all smiles and nods of greeting, and immediately everything went very quiet. The happy conversational buzz silenced; the chilly atmosphere was deafening. Suddenly the bar area where we stood blocking the locals’ view of each other – and effectively preventing any further chat until we got out of the way – turned into a stage with us, the unwelcome fools, stranded upon it. I stammered my order conscious of my hushed audience, whose eyes were boring holes in my back. A faltering attempt at a warm comment to the barmaid was rejected with a sniff, so we fled with our drinks to the stark, empty little room next door. Tourists were apparently on the same level in the food chain as rodents. We sipped our drinks and organised an impromptu escape committee. We are mad idiots so, undeterred, we ventured back to the desolate pub the next night. Frosty the Barmaid refused to give even the barest hint of recognition that she had ever clapped eyes on us before. Our “Good evening”

won’t name this particular village in case you live there and put a contract out on my life after reading this. Suffice to say it is somewhere in Dorset; and the picture postcard high street flanked with Victorian street lamps and beautiful Purbeck Stone cottages makes it the stuff of chocolate box lids. We were there for a month in a rented cottage; a cosy 300-year-old nest where we would celebrate Christmas and I would finish my book. Bliss! Our first step out was to the pub, a helpful 20 yards from our cottage. Reassuringly old, it looked loaded with character and charm. But it was something of an icebox within. I pushed on the great, iron-clad door, my heart tinged with the vague, irrational anxiety that I usually feel when I go somewhere unfamiliar. But my angst was justified; suddenly I felt the trauma of not belonging. The bar area was small, one of a series of tiny rooms. Locals lined the walls filling every seat, chattering happily back and forth, the ping pong of life in a small village. Everyone knew everyone.

So we decided to visit the local church for the Midnight Christmas Service. We entered the beautiful old building, all dressed up as it was in the beautiful, candlelit bunting of the season; warm and welcoming. Heads craned around as we accepted our hymnbooks, we had become walking Exhibit As by now. We needed to sit down, somewhere, anywhere, and quickly! Three seats were close and vacant, and our bottoms were just about to fill them when a smartly dressed man seated in the row behind them leaned forward, waving his hands, a look of horror in his eyes. Then I realised with shame that we were taking seats reserved for the stewards who would collect the offering. I muttered a flustered apology to the flapping seat sentry and herded the three of us off to some safer wooden chairs at the side of the nave. Flushed with shame, I tried to settle my skipping heart down and just focus on worship. Before long, I felt glad that we had

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:49

Page 89

HUMOUR

never to darken the old doors of that church again and, more tragically, have felt that they could never ever fit in with God either? All was not lost, though. The village grocerscum-post-office turned out to be a haven of delights, and not just for its fresh crusty rolls and crisp newspapers that looked freshly ironed and starched. The owner was anything but stiff; he greeted us like old friends and chatted happily about village life. One morning his shop was loaded with people, fussing around the heaving shelves and tiny aisles. I asked him about a coastal walk and the whole store chimed in, a chorus of help and kindness. Not a hint of raised eyebrows or ‘not-more-stupid-tourists’

attitudes from them; just laughter, directions and jaunty chat. I closed the door behind me and the ding of the attached bell provided a vague connection to yesteryear. Needing to buy absolutely nothing at all, I suddenly wanted to go back inside and rejoin the party. The grocer, who is also a postmaster, must be very busy. But I wonder if he could possibly take on running a pub and a church as well…

braved the seat debacle. The service itself was rich and the liturgy heartfelt; these people certainly sang their hearts out. All went swimmingly until the sermon. The minister came quite close to recognising that he was talking to real live human beings rather than delivering a scripted homily to the ancient rafters… but not close enough. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat trying to be uncritical, but frustrated by the millions of miles there seemed to be between priest and people; angry at the fact that this could mean a perception that there were light years between them and God. On the way out we shook the priest’s hand, and he wished us a rather cold-blooded Merry Christmas. I wanted to pause for just a moment with this man, to engage, to ask a question, but I realised that the handshake was one of those ‘swing you past me, just keep moving please’ mechanisms. We stepped out into the dark, the blinking fairy lights in the church porch offering an illusion of a cheery sanctuary that had not been our experience. But, come on, break out the charity again. The stewards needed their reserved seats. The seat traffic controller was probably trying to spare us embarrassment as unwitting chair squatters. And the priest? He was probably at the end of a dozen Christmassy services and was looking forward to a fireside sherry with his wife. But I can’t help wondering what people who don’t know God or church protocol would have made of it all. Would they have determined

Jeﬀ Lucas is an international speaker, broadcaster and author of 22 books. He loves to communicate using humour and storytelling. He is a monthly contributor to Christianity Magazine and writes daily Bible reading notes, Life Every Day. Jeﬀ holds a teaching position at Timberline Church in Colorado and is married to Kay.

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:50

Page 90

HUMOUR

CARL BEECH

The Last Word

Christian. That’s 700 million Christian children alone to visit in a night. Assuming there are three children per household, that’s 233 million stops for Santa. And assuming that these 233 million Christian households are distributed evenly around the world, poor Santa will have to travel a total of 342.5 million kilometers (212 million miles). That’s a tough night’s work, but then he only works one night a year. It’s funny how you never think about the improbabilities of this as a kid.

WE DON’T ALWAYS SEE THE TRUTH WHEN IT SMACKS US RIGHT IN THE FACE BECAUSE WE’RE MORE INCLINED TO LOVE A GOOD CONSPIRACY THEORY.

A whale of a time

all works well until the killer whale has an offday. More than once an off-day has resulted in it drowning or trying to drown its best-mate trainer. It’s all smoke and mirrors, innit? Fun to watch the show but you’ve got to keep a perspective on what’s real and what’s not. Many of us will be reading this after Christmas, but the myth of the red Father Christmas, created by the world’s largest drinks company, is one of the greatest myths of modern times. Just think about the courier service he provides. There are roughly two billion children worldwide and 35% describe themselves as

Carl is married with two daughters. He heads up Christian Vision for Men (CVM) and founded Codelife. You can follow him on Twitter @carl eech and Facebook.

Sorted. Don’t Miss The Next Issue! ON SALE 18 FEBRUARY 90

Sorted. Jan/Feb 2013

was on holiday with the family recently and got the chance to hang out with a dolphin called Roxy. To be precise, there were eight of us and a couple of trainers. Standing in a semi-circle, Roxy swam over and started to impress us with a display that included waving her fins at us, showing us her belly, splashing us with water, making noises on command and dragging us round the bay. This was all very impressive and done in such a way as to create the impression that Roxy was semi-human. Myths abound about the mystical dolphin and someone even wrote a Christian song about dolphins making them cry (it wasn’t me, before you ask). Stories of high intelligence and emotional connectedness to humanity include dolphins coming to the aid of drowning people and fending off shark attacks on surfer dudes… all pretty amazing if it’s true. Curious about this, I sidled over to the trainer in between the dolphin trickery sessions and asked what his opinion of all those stories was. The answer was: “Er, I don’t believe all that. We’ve had people nearly drown here and the dolphins just swim past looking for food. They’re in it for the fish.” So, clever? Yes. Nearly human? Nah. The same thing can be said of killer whales. There’s a famous aquarium that does a killer whale show which, again, makes them seem kind of human and affectionately humorous. It

As human beings, we love a good myth and a story; from the docile dolphin to the big bloke with a posse of flying reindeer travelling faster than the Millennium Falcon. The problem is, though, we don’t always see the truth when it smacks us right in the face because we’re more inclined to love a good conspiracy theory. Take, for example, all the UFO phenomena. Over the years there have been thousands of alien abduction stories (funnily enough, there is normally an influx after an alien film). One of my favourites is the story of Antônio VilasBoas. As a farmer in the 1950s, he claimed a spacecraft emitting a very bright light landed on his family’s farm. He said that he continued to see the strange object until it took him one night and left some disturbing evidence of alien experimentation. The farmer claimed the alien beings took him onto their ship and forced him to, er, ‘liaise’ with a female alien (who, by all accounts, resembled a supermodel) and was able to describe everything from the ship to the female alien in incredible detail. Bonkers… I could go on. There are the myths about Atlantis, alien cities under the sea, spacemen building pyramids and my personal all-time favourite, the NASA lunar landing conspiracy. According to the conspiracy junkies, Neil Armstrong never went to the moon; he went to a film set, wearing a fake space suit and sipping margaritas by night. This reminds me of my mate Yorkshire Bob who thinks there’s a hidden crystal pyramid built by the Aztecs on Mars. The bottom line is, it’s better to look for the truth rather than a myth. I reckon I found the truth and it rocked my world.

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:50

Page 91

Sorted Issue 32 Jan_Feb 13 v2.qxd:Layout 1

7/12/12

10:50

Page 92