24 3 14 managingconflict

MANAGING CONFLICT USING ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

What is efficient communication?

What is efficient communication?

• We communicate efficiently when:  We express our own emotions and opinions  We understand the other person’s opinion and emotions.  We treat others with respect, and ask respect from others

= ASSERTIVE communication

Inefficient communication is when: • We do not express our emotions and opinions • We give up our opinions easily, and let others intimidate us • We don’t ask others for respect = PASSIVE Communication

Inefficient communication is when: • We express our opinions in an aggressive or demanding way • We don’t consider other person‘ opinions and emotions • We don’t treat other people with respect = AGGRESSIVE Communication

Passive – Assertive – Aggressive

Why use assertive communication?

• The other person is more likely to listen to us and understand us • Positive emotions (we feel better) • We create healthy relationships, based on trust and clear personal limits

Example Gary &Â Brooke

3 steps to assertive communication:

1. Goal setting for the interaction 2. Unconditional acceptance 3. Criticizing specific behaviors

3 steps to assertive communication:

1. Goal setting for the interaction 2. Unconditional acceptance 3. Criticizing specific behaviors

1. Goal setting for the interaction • What do I want to achieve?

– I want other people to do what I want – I want to have a good relationship, to get along (if possible)

• Inefficient goals: – I want to convince the other person – Who’s right? Who’s to blame?

– “I want you to want to do it”

3 steps to assertive communication:

1. Goal setting for the interaction 2. Unconditional acceptance 3. Criticizing specific behaviors

2. Unconditional acceptance • “I’m an imperfect human being, I accept my mistakes, without making up excuses.”

• I never rate myself as a whole, only rating my behaviors.

• People can only see and judge my behavior (even if they sometimes use labels): • “I don’t have a problem with you as a person, but with your behavior in this/that situation”

Assertive rights 

I have the right to ask anything from anybody, as long as I recognize his/her right to say No.

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Often, in our interactions, the assertive rights are not obvious/known. I have the right to discuss them with the persons involved.

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I have the right to change my mind.

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I have the right to make mistakes, and assume responsibility for them, without blaming myself.

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I have the right to not know the reasons for my behavior, I don’t have to justify it (but I am responsible for what I do)

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I have the right to make illogical or irrational decisions.

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I have the right to say No, I don’t know or I’m not interested.

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I have the right to do anything, as long as I don’t infringe on the rights of others.

3 steps to assertive communication:

1. Goal setting for the interaction 2. Unconditional acceptance 3. Criticizing specific behaviors

3. Criticizing specific behaviors

• We are influenced only by what other people do, not what they think or feel (!!)

• Ask or criticize specific, concrete behaviors, do not generalize • Do not try to justify your opinion – Not an argument but a negotiation • It is essential to appreciate (give rewards) other people’s efforts to do what we asked

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I accept myself as an imperfect person (I admit my mistakes, without finding excuses) I understand that people never judge me, but my behavior

• • •

I’m affected only by other’s behavior (not his opinions or emotions) I can get what I want only if I ask for specific behaviors People will continue to make an effort only if I appreciate their attempts

GOALS

What do I want from the interaction?

It doesn't matter who’s right! (that’s not the purpose) What matters is to get along better together (or apart)

SELF ACC.

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• • •

SPECIFIC

Summary

Bottom line: • Appreciate more other people’s efforts.

• Be the first to say thank you.

Thank you for your attention!