PARENTING
WORDS BY KATE FISCH LCSW, FOUNDER AND PSYCHOTHERAPIST, NORTHSIDE MENTAL HEALTH
A New Normal It was during a moment of hopefulness last week that I first sat down to think about writing this piece. The weather was finally turning a bit and the sun was out, and most of all, the end of our stay-athome order was a shining light of relief just a few days ahead. I decided to write about all of the things we have learned about parenting and time at home with our children while in quarantine. As a therapist, I was still seeing clients most days (virtually, of course) while my children were home with our childcare provider, so personally, I didn’t feel as if I could speak to the full quarantine experience of my parent peers. So, I reached out to my circle of parent friends to hear about their stay-at-home experiences, what they’ve learned about themselves as parents, and what lessons they plan to take with them as we return to a normal life. The responses were overwhelming, and so beautiful. They were full of gratitude for health and also for the opportunity to better know our children. Almost all the responses included a desire to not return our families to the over-scheduled, “do your homework in the car,” “got to get to practice on time,” extra-curricular chaos that was our pre-pandemic lives. As one mom described about her family’s change in daily rhythm: “less doing, more being.” Another theme that emerged was a more substantial sense of cohesiveness within the family unit. Parents wrote about their kids helping out more with chores and household responsibilities. Kids have been more involved in cooking and
meal planning, creating their own ideas about how they’d like to spend their days, and turning to their siblings for companionship and play rather than relying on pre-planned playdates. It seems the pull of commitments outside of the immediate family might have been diluting the strength of our family’s internal bond. There was certainly an overwhelming sentiment among parent’s responses that facilitating learning at home for their children has been the least enjoyed aspect. In spite of this, though, one parent shared about a benefit of quarantine and e-learning. She wrote about the opportunity to better understand each of her children’s learning style as well as their strengths and struggles in school. She shared that knowing how her children ingest and comprehend the information helps her know when to push a little more and when step back and redirect; clearly, an insight that will help her be a better parent in more areas of her children’s lives beyond just education. Most likely, right now, this is the new normal. We cannot view this as a moment in time, full of lessons we casually hope to continue after quarantine ends. Rather, this is a wake-up call! An alarm that maybe our family connection had fallen off the rails a bit. So, as we continue to move forward, one day at a time, into this unknown new “normal,” remember to hold on tightly to this precious information, for our “normal” will never be as predictable as the love we have for our family.
June 2020 I INDYSCHILD.COM
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