FEATURE | NEGOTIATING
SILENCE IS GOLDEN Simon Buzza provides the final two rules in his series of 12 key rules of negotiating
RULE NUMBER 11 UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF SILENCE
We live in a world of noise where silence has almost ceased to exist. A significant majority of people are uncomfortable with it and seek to fill it, even with mundane background noise. We regularly see this manifest itself in business meetings and negotiations, where we see people talking too much, tripping over themselves to “lead the conversation”, or interjecting as soon as the other person pauses so that they can post their own arguments. It is as though silence must be avoided and immediately filled. Even when we ask people to use silence as a tool, they say they feel excruciatingly uncomfortable with it – in some cases, after just a couple of seconds.
Why is silence so effective?
There is rather more to silence than you might think. It can be extremely effective in different ways: l It allows you to receive more information and to gather your thoughts before you speak l It can make the other party feel extremely uncomfortable during the silence. So much so that they speak again to fill the void (and give away unplanned and useful information) l It can make you look more powerful and even a little mysterious. The less you talk, the deeper, more considered and powerful you look l It adds impact and clarity to your speech by introducing pauses between key statements l It forces you to become better at controlling your body language by using simple non-verbal cues to convey essential messages to the other party (such as nodding or shaking your head).
Who uses silence effectively?
Based on the thousands of delegates who have
participated in our development programmes, and our own participation in many negotiations, the vast majority of people – in our view, more than 90% – do not use silence at all, or use it badly. Most are supremely unaware of the power of silence and how to use it. Often, these are the negotiators who do not know when to simply shut up. Indeed, they talk so much that they often end up negotiating against themselves. They are so uncomfortable with silence that they often say the first thing that comes into their heads to fill the vacuum – and often this is very last thing they wanted to talk about. A few are aware of this power but use silence very clumsily. They can achieve some success against submissive, unassertive or inexperienced negotiators but in most cases, it simply irritates the other party and leads to a deadlock. These are the passive-aggressive negotiators who plan to exploit long, awkward silences deliberately in order to apply pressure. They might simply stare at the other party without saying a word, or even look completely disinterested, in order to destabilise the situation to their advantage. A few use silence highly effectively, either because they are natural negotiators or through practice and coaching. For the most part, these individuals have enhanced questioning and listening skills and high levels of emotional intelligence or EQ. They know how to use simple cues to keep the other party talking (such as a nod of the head, or an encouraging “Go on...”) and then they listen intently to the response.
When to use silence
As silence is such a powerful tool that can help negotiators get what they want, it makes sense
24 WINNING EDGE
24-27 Buzza V4.indd 2
07/03/2018 13:30
