DATE NIGHT DEC 1 | 5:30 - 7:30 PM
Date Four: Becoming an Encourager
On this date you will look at ways to encourage each other and ways to increase the fun factor in your relationship. PREPARATION Bring a small notebook or journal, two notecards, and two envelopes on your date. Consider combining this date with an activity you like to do together such as hiking, fishing, golfing, tennis, or playing board games. DATE SUMMARY Before marriage, it’s easy to look for the positive. But once we marry, the stars in our eyes begin to fade and we see each other’s little idiosyncrasies. The reality of living together creates tension, and without realizing what is happening we can easily focus on the negative instead of the positive. But, here’s the principle: what we focus on grows. If you want a marriage garden full of weeds, focus on your partner’s faults. If you want flowers, focus your thoughts and efforts on the flowers. Appreciation and encouragement is so powerful. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, the great German poet and philosopher, said, “If you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is. If you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become that bigger and better man.” The same principle applies to your spouse. Psychologists tell us it takes at least five positive statements to offset one negative statement, so we need to develop the habit of building each other up by focusing on the positive. Date Four will guide you in how to give honest praise by sincerely describing what you appreciate about your spouse. Laughter is a first cousin of encouragement. Look for ways to laugh together. Laughter relieves tension, lowers your stress level, and is good for the health of your marriage.