Volume 4 , Issue 4
Where entrepreneur women connect, learn, identify and achieve their true purpose.
Interview with Brenda Russell Girlfriend Getaways Your Kids Are Not Stupid!
Autism
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ALIVE
April 2011
One Life To Live – From Dreams To Reality Small Business Leadership Conference 2012 National Tour Session Themes
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For Additional Information: ALIVE Magazine (972) 591-1340 inquiries@alivemagonline.com
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INSIDE ALIVE Letter to the Editor Ask the Coach Cover Story: Living Through Autism: The Story of Grant Entrepreneur of the Month: Barbara Ware One Life to Live Without Loyalty the Very Fabric of Business Unravels by Shiketa Morgan
ALIVE Magazine is in its 5th year of circulation. We began as a newsletter shared with a small network of entrepreneurs. The publication has blossomed into a monthly magazine with an international readership. ALIVE is for emerging and current entrepreneurs. With over 25,000 readers, ALIVE now provides advertising opportunities on our site! Our media kit details readership and advertising rates.
10 Strategies for Making a Plan of Action and Milestones by Ivy N. Carter, MBA Girls Rule: All Talk Girl Radio
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Inside with Brenda Russell Spring’s Latest Designer: Thomas Lavone In the Eyes of the Victim: The Story of Dawn-Marie Wesley by Daood Obaid Your Kids are Not Stupid! by Rodrick Walters Girlfriend Getaway: N.Y.C.
Request our rate information via email advertising@alivemagonline.com
The Birthing Process by Rodrick Walkers Vendor Directory 4
ALIVE
April 2011
You have spoken and we have heard you – while we were updating the site with articles for the month, there were many that still wanted the magazine-style. We encourage feedback and are glad to share that we are now offering the publication as a print on demand publication. We are glad to announce that our publication is now available as a print on demand publication. We are also finalizing the details to become a subscription based publication June 1, 2011. Women-owned businesses had $1.2 Trillion in 2007 – not million but trillion – and that was four years ago. The numbers have no doubt increased. Women – we must realize our position and weight in this economy. It is time to acknowledge that position and take responsibility by not only being business owners but reach one, teach one by building synergies, empowering other women and truly supporting these businesses. If you want to join this initiative, I encourage you to contact me directly via email editor@alivemagonlnie.com.
Greetings to You, We are very busy at ALIVE and are very excited about the things that will take place in 2011. We are remaining focused on our goal – providing a publication – Where entrepreneur women connect, learn, identify and achieve their true purpose. As I continue to coach women to move into their purpose, teach them to strategically position their businesses for growth and identify and develop products, I am honored that I am able to influence so many women. I am also excited to announce that we have a global partnership with Women Entrepreneurs of America Inc. headquartered in Indianapolis, IN as well as Council of Elite Women Entrepreneurs headquartered in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. Both partnerships allow for their members to receive savings on advertising and subscriptions as well as the business consulting services of our sister organization – The Savane Group.
April is also Autism Awareness month. While our family was blessed with a completely healthy daughter a year ago this month, there are many families that face the challenges of autism. ALIVE wants to bring awareness to autism and provide a voice for families that are affected by it. In an effort to make sure we continue to meet and hopefully exceed your needs, we ask that you take the brief survey to help us meet our mission. Please FRIEND us on Facebook – www.facebook.com/alivemagazine and FOLLOW us on TWITTER at www.twitter.com/alivemag. To a life empowered,
B. Adamson B. Adamson Editor in Chief
I have been invited to be the keynote Speaker for the Women Entrepreneurs of America Inc.’s 8th annual convention. I hope to see you there. 5
Ask the Coach Dear Coach, I have read a few articles about ‘coaching’ and have a few friends that have hired a coach. What can you tell me about the purpose and benefit of hiring a coach? - Joseph, Boston, Massachusetts
Dear Joseph,
To answer your initial question, coaching is one of the leading tools that highly-effective, successful people use to create and sustain a life that is everything they want and need. Through regular, coaching sessions via telephone, a coach supports, challenges, coaches and serves as a sounding board for his/her clients to identify priorities, align their values with their actions, develop effective strategies for attracting what they want and make progress towards major life goals at an accelerated pace.
Even those who are at the top of their game have the potential to get better when they have someone focused on them, pointing out the things they cannot see, encouraging and challenging them to stretch beyond their comfort zone. Individuals work with a coach because they are serious about their personal growth, maximizing their potential, and living the life they were born to live. The difference between working alone and working with a coach is that a coach is trained to listen in a way that generates questions and options that will help you get to the core of your innermost values and desires quickly.
desires become clear) To have more positive, productive energy (when working with a coach, you are continually moving forward) To reach for more in life ... much more (as your coach, I will help you create the space in your life to do so) To uncover your purpose and better use your natural gifts and talents To strategize and plan so that you attract what you want most in your life
Dear Coach, I was not very successful last year and I want to be sure that I am successful in 2010. What are some things I can do to be successful before year’s end? - Rebecca, Chicago, IL Dear Rebecca, Thank you for your email. As we are all aware, time waits for no one and it is refreshing to read when individuals are desirous of improving their lives. While you may not have accomplished as much as you desired last year, we encourage you to celebrate your successes. Realize that you still have time to identify and accomplish goals in 2010. Develop Your Hot List Rather than a TO DO LIST, I encourage my clients to develop a HOT LIST – these are items that MUST be accomplished immediately. These are tasks that can be completed relatively quickly – in 3 to 5 business days.
Here are some other reasons you may work with a Identify an Accountability Partner or Hire a coach: Coach
You want to expand or renew your vision for your career. You are ready to enrich your personal life or find more of a balance between it and your professional life. There is a dream that you have yet to bring to reality. There is a transition you have been wanting to make.
What are the benefits?
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To decrease your stress level without compromising your success level To make deliberate, focused decisions and actions (through our sessions together, your goals and
An accountability partner is someone that, like you, has goals that he/she wants to attain by year’s end. Your accountability partner holds you responsible for attaining the goals you identified while being a support and champion. A coach works in the same way – providing insight, encouragement and energy as you complete your HOT LIST. Remain Focused In the mornings before the telephone begins ringing and the blackberry starts blinking, take 30 minutes to an hour at the start of your day to work on your HOT LIST. By remaining focused on your HOT LIST you will get much accomplished rather than multi-tasking throughout the day.
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Ask the Coach Celebrate your successes Celebrating your successes could be as simple as enjoyable as reading your favorite magazine, to scheduling a massage. Celebrate in a way that keeps you motivated to continue. We wish you much continued success! A business and life strategist, Ms. Adamson coaches entrepreneurs and professionals to identify priorities and align their values and actions while developing effective strategies to make progress toward life goals. She also speaks on the topics of empowerment, diversity and business/life coaching. Ms. Adamson can be contacted at advertising@alivemagonline.com. Dear Coach, I will be graduating from college in May. I have interned at the same company for the past 3 summers and have been offered a great position within the organization. I believe that this is an excellent opportunity with high visibility and growth opportunities. How do I select a mentor? - Monique, Sacramento, California Congratulations on completing your degree. Many new college graduates beginning their career are interested in knowing how to establish and facilitate a successful mentor/mentee relationship. Below are a few characteristics you should seek to identify with potential mentors. Remember this is not a complete list, but definitely characteristics you should take into consideration.
Able to spend an appropriate amount of time with the mentored employee. Open to spending time with diverse individuals who may not share a common background, values, or goals. Dear Coach, What is branding and why is it important to my business? - Lilly, UK Dear Lilly, Greetings to our UK readers and thank you for question. Your brand is your most valuable asset. Your brand is your reputation, what your organization stands for and the perception of your business from the rest of the world. Branding is a business decision, whether you realize it or not. In a thought, branding is the management of perception. How do we manage this perception? This perception is managed by identifiers, attributes and associations. Successful management is a mixture of what we want working in conjunction with the perception of our customers. How do you want people to remember you and your business? We have all heard “She does great work but…” We don’t want a “BUT” in our brand. Instead we want individuals to share that she is very dedicated to her clients AND she always delivers.
Wants to mentor another employee and is com- For example, if you are an event consultant and mitted to the employee’s growth and development and cultural integration. Has the job content knowledge necessary to effectively teach a new employee significant job knowledge. Familiar with the organization’s norms and culture. Can articulate and teach the culture. Demonstrates honesty, integrity, and both respect for and responsibility for stewardship. Demonstrates effective communication skills both verbally and nonverbally. Willing to help develop another employee through guidance, feedback, and occasionally, an insistence on a particular level of performance or appropriate direction. Willing to communicate failures as well as successes to the mentored employee.
want potential clients to believe your organization is elegant, you must demonstrate elegance in all that you do. As you develop your brand, remember perception is not only about what is read, but also what is heard and seen. Branding includes everything from your business name, logo and tag line to your elevator pitch, voice mail message and business cards. To learn more about developing consistency in your brand please contact us at coach@aliveincorporated.com. Contact Brandy Adamson at advertising@alivemagonline.com.
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Living Through Autism: The Story of Grant F
or Stacey and Signee’ having a family was the icing on
the cake for their love affair. They wanted nothing more than to have the life that millions of other people have, with healthy active children. Their plans for a family came true. They gave birth to their first son, Grant who seemed healthy and had a smile that made heart melts. Unfortunately, when Grant was 10 months he had viral meningitis, just two months before he was to receive his 12 months vaccinations. And that is when they noticed that he was changing. Shortly after the contracting of meningitis, an inflammation of the membranes (meninges) surrounding your brain and spinal cord, usually due to the spread of an infection, he stopped talking as much and his development started to regress. He had lost some progress and milestones that he had achieved and suddenly started having multiple ear infections within a short timeframe. Grant never had one prior to the meningitis. Stacey and Signee’ noticed that Grant just wasn’t the same child any longer. He didn’t walk until he was about 17 months old. And as a result of the changes the couple saw they decided to, after consulting with his pediatrician, to visit the state’s early childhood intervention program, Sooner Start. “At that time, we didn’t know what was wrong with Grant but we knew we couldn’t sit idly by knowing that he wasn’t responding
Autism is a general term used to describe a group of complex developmental brain disorders known as Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDD).
Stacy and Signee’ began seeking support and intervention for Grant when he was 18 months but didn’t find out that he was autistic until he was four and a half years old. Devastated that their son wouldn’t be able to live a normal life, Stacey and Signee’ became advocates of autism. “My wife and I have become local advocates for children with special needs. We are passionate about it,” says Stacey. “I serve as a president of the board of directors for a state wide Non-profit Advocacy Network for Citizens with Developmental Disabilities and my wife serves on our local school district’s special needs task force and the State of Oklahoma Task Force for Insurance Mandates. She is also the volunteer coordinator for the annual SAS It Up! (Supporting Autism Socially) fashion show.” The SAS It Up! Fashion show benefits autism programs here in the Tulsa community. Signee’ is also actively involved in a small local network of African-American moms who have children with autism, of which she helped created. These moms meet for lunch, when their schedules allow, and use one another as sounding boards. They discuss the best schools for our children, medical providers and medication and just support one another. Oftentimes the supporting parent of an autistic child is the wife but Stacey is very active in his quest to be informed and supportive of increasing awareness of autism. As a married couple, they attend a parent support group regularly where they laugh, cry and share stories with others who are facing the same challenges.
It is estimated that one in every 110 children is diagnosed with autism, making it more common than childhood cancer, juvenile diabetes and pediatric AIDS combined. An estimated 1.5 million individuals in the U.S. and tens of millions worldwide are affected by autism.
“My wife and I wear an autism lapel pin everyday to foster constant conversation and awareness about autism,” says Stacey. “We’ve also traveled to our state capitol to stump for a bill regarding insurance for children with autism.” For this couple the face of autism isn’t much different than most faces. It’s diverse, beautiful, funny, bright, innocent, intriguing, unique, and represents a true learning opportunity. It’s confusing, challenging, and scary, promotes unconditional love, fosters acceptance, encourages a more intimate relationship with the loved one that is affected by autism and is a life long journey.
- Autism Speaks, 2011 8
or developing like he once was,” says Stacey. “After we consulted with Grant’s pediatrician and the representatives at Sooner Start, we had a plan, figure out what was wrong with our son.”
ALIVE
April 2011
Behind L to R: Stacey and Signee’. Front L to R: Grant and Garrett
Autism represents an opportunity for a lifetime of teachable moments for everyone it touches. It teaches people how to live life for today, to celebrate the small victories and appreciate the gifts that each person possesses. Not everyone on the autism spectrum is the same. “If you meet a person with autism, then you’ve met one person with autism. Autism doesn’t define a person; it’s a disorder that a person lives with,” adds Signee’.
raising a child with autism, Stacey and Signee’ are grateful. The couple agrees that their 20 year marriage has been strengthened and has taught them how to truly love unconditionally. For them, their life has become more meaningful and a blessing. They take every day to thank God for their family and their supportive network of friends. Although Grant may never be able to self sufficient, Stacey and Signee’ accept that and are fully prepared to try and meet the challenges life may bring their way.
“We know there will Stacey and be long days ahead Signee’ but we remain optiFor Stacey and Signee’, being a parent to Grant is a have mistic and we conblessing. learned tinue to pray for that autism Grant’s recovery, is not a death because he is improvsentence. For them it has made life more meaning- ing,” adds Stacey. “We’ll do whatever we can to ful. They call Grant their blessing. Their volunteer give him the best life possible and we truly believe work with autism has helped them grow as people. that God won’t put anymore on us than we can They have made it their responsibility to get inbear.” volved in the fight for children with special needs at the local and state legislative level in matters that For Stacey and Signee’, being a parent to Grant is help provide a better quality of life for children with a blessing. They don’t take for granted that raising autism. Their staff allows them the flexibility to vol- an autistic child is hard work but their increase in unteer at Grant’s school, take him to therapy or patience, passion and caring ability are attributed spend time fighting for children’s rights regarding to Grant. They know it takes special people to raise autism. and care for people with special needs. In fact, Grant is a straight-A student and plays the cello. While there are many life changing challenges to ALIVE 9
Featured Story
AUTISM What you can do to support the movement to heighten autism awareness:
Learn the common signs associated with autism. Early Intervention is the key in helping children with autism improve their quality of life. As a family member or friend, you may be the difference in recognizing the signs earlier rather than later. If you have a normal school aged child in the home, sit down and tell them about autism. Explain to them how important it is to treat any child with autism like they themselves would want to be treated. Encourage them to support that child by letting them know they have a friend they can count on. (We’ve educated our other son, Garrett about autism and at age 7, he too is spreading the word to his friends about autism.) If you’re out in public and see a parent struggling with a child who you believe may have autism, ask them if you can help, instead of judging them and walking away.
Stacey and Grant
Grant, 13
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Autism Awareness
Entrepreneur of the MONTH—Barbara Ware Reason. Season, Lifetime. From our days at Lowell I had much respect for Barbara. Always a welcoming smile – even now; as young girls, always getting a check from the teacher for, usually does not refrain from unnecessary talking, we built a friendship that has lasted nearly all of our lives. One thing I always knew – she was always going to do great things. I had the privilege of sitting down with Barbara to ask her about her business endeavors with Scentsy, a direct selling company that sells wickless candles and other home decorum needs. Brandy A.: Barbara, we come a long way… from Lowell to Whitman to high school, college and now adulthood. What is it like being a woman that can manage a career, a business and family? Tell me, why and when you started your own business? Barbara W.: I decided to start my Scentsy business for purely selfish reasons in the beginning. I simply needed to feed my own Scentsy habit! I inadvertently found out about the safety aspects of Scentsy when my toddler broke my personal warmer, spilling wax everywhere - yet remaining unharmed in the process! It was then that I discovered what I believe is one of Scentsy's most unique characteristics - safety. The Scentsy wax warms just to body temperature and is never hot when properly used with the Scentsy warmer. B. A.: Your business is quite successful. How do you balance the demands of your business and expectations of your family? B.W.: Scentsy has become our family business. Everyone pitches in to help! My kids get so excited when UPS delivers the Scentsy shipments! Scentsy allows you to choose how much or how little you put into your business. I have personally met many women who were able to leave their full time careers behind and pursue their dream of entrepreneurship with Scentsy. B.A.: What are your business goals for 2011?
B.W.: My personal goal for my Scentsy business in 2011 is to share this opportunity with other women who are looking for ways to earn extra income and to grow my team to at least ten (currently we are a team of four). B.A.: As a candle lover and avid burner, I do like their idea of the wickless candles – especially on those days that I leave, get five minutes down the street and have to turn around because I can’t remember if I blew out the candle. B.W.: That was always my struggle blowing out the candle! Scentsy is the only product we can use that doesn't cause complications for her breathing or our allergies. B.A.: What is the philosophy of the company? B.W.: To evoke a memory, enliven the senses and inspire the soul. Which I believe sums up my personal philosophy as well. B.A.: We are excited to be hosting an online party for Autism Awareness Month. We are encouraging our readers to purchase the Autism Speaks™ warmer. B.W.: Absolutely! Giving back is very important to Scentsy and the company’s foundation will give a portion of all proceeds of the Piece by Piece warmer to Autism Speaks. B.A.: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to interview with us. We also look forward to seeing the results of our online party! To learn more about Scentsy please contact Barbara Ware, Independent Scentsy Consultant, at 918.261.5783, via email at scentschyc@gmail.com or online at thescentwarehouse.scentsy.us. ALIVE 11
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One Life to Live One Life To Live Living Life by Design, not by Default - Out of Strength and Into Power.
Develop your strategic plan
Work with your coach to develop your strategic plan. Yes, you will have A LOT you want to accomI believe that when we have clarity of our purpose plish, that is normal, but you can't do everything in and we make the decision to walk in our purpose, the first 60-120 days – it’s impossible to do it all at that moment, we are provided with everything and do it with the excellence you desire. Pace and everyone to make it possible. It begins with us yourself. Prioritize and cluster tasks. Again, your having faith and then taking the first step. coach will be integral part in developing your plan, as well as keeping you accountable for reaching As we step into our purpose, there is a reinvention, your deadlines. a repositioning that takes place. This occurs in all facets of life - not just in business. During this time, Set aggressive yet realistic goals we will have a 'housecleaning.' This housecleaning isn't always comprised of drastic happenings. It’s When we hear or read the word aggressive, we get funny that some of our cleaning takes place without anxious, we think being aggressive lacks grace any action on our part - people distance themand femininity. I disagree. Many times, we as womselves while others, that may have been in the en wait months, sometimes years to step into our shadows for years move into the light. A challenge purpose. We avoid moving into our purpose for any or situation is cleared from our path; the right opnumber of reasons/excuses but it boils down to portunities present themselves and are made avail- making the decision to stay in our comfort zone able to us. rather than beginning the journey to purpose. Since we have already wasted time in our comfort zone While some of this may shock us, may hurt us, re- its time we be steadfast and aggressive with getmember that most will put a smile on our face, and ting on task. Again, be realistic in setting those provide an inner peace and warmth in our hearts goals but don't be afraid in setting goals - push that we have never before experienced. This time yourself! will also provide growth and an opportunity for a renewed sense of self as we move into and begin Identify your execution team living our purpose. No, we are not women with superpowers so we What do we do at this point? I would suggest the need a team. That team should include a coach, as following: well as individuals that are where you want to be people walking in their purpose. Your core team is Write down your purpose aware of your purposes’ blueprint and that team cannot be made up of just cheerleaders. You can type it, write it, get it printed, put it on a tshirt or coffee mug just as long as you KEEP your Begin your walk written purpose at the forefront of your mind. With every decisions and choices you make keep your When you begin this walk, remember you are not purpose in mind. Doing this will contribute to your alone. This will be an exciting time for you. You will success and your results powerful. have a renewed sense of self, you will learn more about yourself than you thought you knew, you will Identify your coach laugh, you will shake your head, you will ask yourself - what took me so long to get here? During A coach is not your mother telling you what to do. your walk - journal your travels - you don't have to A coach provides guidance and insight and is a write a three-page entry daily but you will definitely sounding board for you. It’s important that you and want to record this journey because you may write your coach vibe - not possess the same purpose or a book later in your life. even see eye to eye on everything – but has a vibe that allows for either of you to have a difference of Stop making your purpose wait on you. Get out opinions, which is healthy. Your coach will help there and make your dreams a reality because in maintain objectivity when you stray from your pur- the end it’s all worth it. pose.
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Business
Without Loyalty the Very Fabric of Business Unravels by Shiketa Morgan You may have noticed that many of the post on this blog are about doing business with character. I decided to change the theme of this blog to "Doing business with character," because I believe that many businesses have failed because of a lack of character.
est level and it must be honored. Having loyal employees or team members working with you is a noble experience. When your team members or employees are loyal, they give so much of their gifts and talents. I recently inspired my staff to get creative in their classrooms and they delivered, BIG TIME! Their performance demonstrated loyalty to my business and I was so humbled. In fact, I was so impressed by their loyalty that, I went shopping over the weekend and bought them gifts of appreciation.
It is character that will help you to become a great business person, not the amount of money that you This has not always been the case for me; I've had make in business. Moreover, you will be known my share of disloyal customers and employees. and respected by the quality of your character. Disloyal employees will only do the bare minimal and if you fail to motivate the employee to demonThis week's post is about, Loyalty! In the book, strate loyalty... it will affect other employees. Character Matters, Mark Rutland wrote: "Loyalty is the willingness, because of relational commitment, Disloyal customers, will complain to other customto deflect praise, admiration and success onto an- ers and this is why it is vital that you must model other. Moreover, loyalty will edify and bless its ob- and express loyalty on a regular basis. Tell your ject." customers that you are commitment to them and Wow! That statement has inspired me to ask myself, "Am I truly loyal to my customers and employees? When was the last time I blessed and edified a customer or employee?" Mark Rutland has inspired me to show more loyalty, expect loyalty from my employees and look for loyalty when I hire new employees. Moreover, to edify and bless my customers every chance that I get.
you want to meet their needs. When they know that you are loyal to them, they will gladly return a favor to you by sending more customers. I hope that you have been inspired to do business with loyalty in mind and remember...Loyalty is the fabric that holds your business together! ALIVE
When a customer does repeat business with you, that demonstrates loyalty and we must return loyalty by being committed to our customers. Also, if a customer refers a friend, that is loyalty at the high14
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Business
10 Strategies for Making a Plan of Action and Setting Milestones By Ivy N. Carter, MBA Whether you are making a plan for your life, your career or business you need to make a plan of action and milestones in order to stay on tract and reach your goal. Unfortunately, making a plan of action and milestones are not done by everyone and in business this can be detrimental to a project, particularly to a project manager. If you are versed in Six Sigma, then you understand the principals of DMAIC Framework, also known as, Define, Measure, Analyze, Improve and Control. This framework is perceived as the fundamentals of Six Sigma Lean and assists the project manager with defining a plan of action and milestones. To add to this theory, here is a list of the 10 strategies for making a plan of action and milestones: Understand the project. As a project manager you should do due diligence to understand the project. You should know if competitors have a similar project in place and how your project can be the best. Competitive analysis helps every project manager, business owner and individual understand their strengths and improve on their weaknesses.
to your lack of commitment. Commit! Create the plan of action and milestones. Now you are ready to create a plan of action. Remember the plan of action and milestones help identify what you can do and what others can do for you as well as keep you in line. Your plan of action and milestone setting should be realistic. Measure your progress. Measuring your progress is important because allows for you to measure where you are from where you need to be and gives you an opportunity to add to the project or take away from it so that you stay on track. Measuring also serves as a tool for you to understand and create best practices. Perform an analysis. It is best to perform an analysis on your progress once you establish milestones. Analysis should be performed so you can learn if you have been successful with the forward movement of the project. Typically milestones aid as markers for these analysis phases. Improve where needed. Again once your milestones have been developed the improvement process is easier to adjust. At the improvement stage is where you learn what challenges you had that impeded your progress and establish how you plan to correct those issues.
Control your project. The control phase is also in the milestone phase of a project. The control phase Define your mission and vision. If you are a pro- allows for the project manager to ensure there are no issues that have gone unchecked since the beject manager without a mission or a vision, then you are literally wasting time and energy. To be an ginning of the project. In order to control your project you must understand where you are in the proeffective project manager you must clearly define the mission and vision of the project so that you are ject cycle and should have reached a new level or milestone in the project. able to visualize the completed project and create the project according to the mission. Evaluate and recognize achievements. Evaluating your project at each milestone and recognizing Know who you are. Every good project manager understands their strengths, weaknesses, opportu- achievements establishes a sense of success nities and threats (SWOT Analysis) and to be effec- among your team and for you. Evaluating and recognizing, both done in the milestone setting phase, tive you have to come to grips with what you may helps with forward progress and maintains the proor may not be capable of doing. A plan of action will enable you to delegate tasks that you may not ject’s deadlines. be able to complete‌ just ask yourself who, what, Being a project manager is not difficult if you take when, where and how. the time to create a plan of action and milestones Commit to the project. if you are not fully enbecause even the best laid plans can crumble. Regaged or committed to the project, then you will not member these 10 strategies to help you create a be successful. It is like selling a product that you do plan of action and set milestones for a successful not believe in. Your sales will be down because you are not exhausting enough effort in selling due project every time. 15
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Business
Girls Rule:
different element to the show, three women with three different personalities.
ALL GIRL TALK RADIO
These ladies realize that everything they see and everything they use started from an idea or a dream. Therefore, they offer the advice to others in the industry to follow their dreams. “If you can dream it and believe it, then you can live it,” says Tamika. “Be patient - as dreams are realized over a period of time and pursue it - as preparation makes you ready for that window of opportunity.”
All Girl Talk Radio was founded by Angela (The Rambunctious Angie) and Tamika (The Conservative Tika), who are sisters, had an idea to start a talk radio show that brought something different to the airwaves. The show is actually compromised of the founders and friend, Mz. Muse. All Girl Talk Radio is just that, women getting together to talk about real life issues from three different perspectives.
All Girl Talk Radio currently airs three days a week (Monday, Wednesday and Saturday). However, in 2011 they are planning to periodically have special shows on Sundays that currently does not fit into It was a vision of Angela and Tamika because they their "Monday Madness" and "Pillow Talk" segfelt there needed be to a platform for women to ments. The show will deliver more of the hot and come together and discuss issues that women face saucy topics that impact everyday lives. Topics that on a daily basis. Angela and Tamika would have impact our men, women and children. It is real talk, "knock down" "throw down" conversations that for real people. would last for hours, and if someone else was around they told the two vibrant women, "y’all need Anyone interested in being a guest should on All a show'. So the dynamic duo sat down one day Girl Talk Radio can contact us at bookand said that’s it... we're going to do a talk radio ings@allgirltalk.com. show, thus All Girl Talk Radio was born. “We decided to do this joint venture because being sisters it is easier to be open to discuss life honestly with each other, which gives our listener real truth not shaken or stirred,” shares Tamika. Just like any family relationships, these two have had to overcome obstacles being family and business partners. For All Girl Talk Radio the biggest hurdle was gathering a fan base. By the end of their first year their listeners was a mere 10,000 but today that has increased to over 70,000 listeners. Now that's what you call overcoming a hurdle! Soon the team added a new personality to the team, Mz. Muse, who replaced one of the original members bringing the foursome down to three. And yet another obstacle was being able to work with women who respect each other. But the benefit of working as a team is the trust they have for each other’s opinions. Everyone brings a 17
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2011 EXCEL SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION Available Scholarships: HIGH SCHOOL
The Dallas/Ft. Worth Chapter of the National Black MBA Association is currently accepting applications for the 2011 Excel Scholarship Competition. To apply, you should be:
路 Scholarships in the amount of $1,000 will be awarded to qualified Dallas/Ft. Worth high school seniors who will be enrolled in an accredited undergraduate program in the fall of 2011.
UNDERGRADUATE
A) A graduating senior in high school who will be enrolled into an accredited undergraduate university.
路 Scholarships in the amount of $1,500 will be awarded to qualified Dallas/Ft. Worth college students who will be enrolled in an undergraduate business program in the fall of 2011
OR
GRADUATE
B) An undergraduate, graduate or PhD student majoring in a business program for the fall of 2011. Applications will be accepted from March 1st through May 14th. For more information on how to apply, please visit our website at www.dfwmbas.org.
20
路 Scholarships in the amount of $2,500 will be awarded to qualified full-time graduate/ PhD students. 路 Scholarships in the amount of $1,000 will be awarded to qualified part-time graduate/PhD students.
Full and part-time graduate / PhD applicants must be registered or enrolled in a graduate/ PhD business program for the fall of 2011.
All Applicants must be of African-American deALIVE cent. April 2011
Education Latest MBA Trends By Ivy N. Carter, MBA The business world is changing and because of its rapid changes higher education institutions are developing new trends for business professionals to receive a MBA. The latest trends in MBA have caused universities and colleges to scramble for ways to develop innovative and effective ways for these individuals to receive a MBA that will further their careers. If you are at a point in your professional career where you want to increase your knowledge of the business world then you should know the latest MBA trends: Online MBA programs: When I starting looking into MBA I knew one thing, I did not have time to go to a physical campus. For my situation, I knew an online program was the best option for me to remain employed while attending school and raising two sons. The online MBA program allowed me to attend school whenever and wherever I wanted, which was usually at work. I have to admit that the online program was substantially higher than maybe attending a traditional university. One caution for online MBA programs, know the school’s credibility and accreditation so that you do not waste the thousands of dollars on an unrecognized degree.
portunity to not only receive a MBA but to also receive a certification or specialization in another area of study. These specialized MBA programs are only good for individuals who want to remain in their current careers but want to apply business skills. Accelerated MBA programs: This trend has slowly decreased in its popularity because of the fast pace and extremely difficult course offerings. Accelerated MBA programs allow students to earn a MBA in a fraction of the time it would take to complete a regular MBA programs. Dual degree MBA programs: Dual degree MBA program trends are longstanding because students are able to receive two distinct degrees. Many students earn a MBA/MPA, MBA/JD, MBA/MHA, the list is endless. This particular MBA program is based at traditional institutions and typically takes more than three years to complete. Also, the student has to be admitted into both programs.
Staying up-to-date with the current MBA trends will assist you make a wiser decision for your professional career development. Always check with the business school of choice to determine the most popular MBA trend and see if it fits your lifestyle. For those who are busy then part-time or online MBA programs may offer more flexibility to complete the program. The dual-degree and specialPart-time MBA programs: Part-time MBA programs ized MBA programs allows you to stay in your curare becoming a highly sought trend. This new pro- rent field while learning business applications. The gram style allows for professionals to attend a tradi- executive and accelerated are tailored for those students who are executive and able to learn at a tional university while maintaining some form of fast pace. employment. Part-time MBA programs are designed to take longer than the 18 months to two (Previously Published on BrightHub.com) years but they also give students the comfort of attending school without sacrificing work. Executive MBA programs: The executive MBA program is just that, a MBA program for executives. This MBA trend is a program that is designed to challenge owners, C-level executives and other professionals in upper management positions. The program is rigorous but rewarding because leaders receive a more tailored learning program. Specialization MBA programs: A specialized MBA program is a program that offers students the op21
The soul of a woman is not marked by the
Renee Marie: No, that was not the target goal.
number of accomplishes she has made over
plished this - was portraying in a musical context a
her life but rather the number of obstacles she
reflective honesty about who I am, where I come
has had to endure to get the opportunity to do
from, how I got here and why because where I’m
far than exceed naysayers expectations. Jazz
going is anybody’s guess! It’s been said that we
What I was aiming for - and I believe we accom-
performer Renee Marie sat down with Daood
are all children on the inside and so there is someObaid about her life and challenges in following thing magical that happens when one embraces her passion for her muse, jazz music. one’s vulnerability and naiveté. I just wanted to sing Daood Obaid: From the inception was it the target goal of "Voice of My Beautiful Country," of the new
songs that made me feel good about growing up in this diverse melting pot we call, “America.”
album to embody the diverse interpretations from
D.O.: The Mid-western club owner story of 2003 is
Jimmy Heusen's “Imagination”, Dave Bru-
worthy of reiterating for those fans and newcomers
beck “Strange Meadow Lark” among a number of
that haven't had the pleasure of reading about it.
other great covers, including Jefferson Airplane, “White Rabbit”. What was the target of your latest
R.M.: For my 3rd project with MaxJazz, I decided I
project?
wanted to put all original works on it and title it Se-
22
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April 2011
Entertainment rene Renegade. So, I was composing like a mad-
bidden to sing originals. Are you saying my continu-
woman! All kinds of stuff - holding nothing back.
ing to sing here the rest of the week is predicated
Nothing! Well, as any musician knows, if you com-
upon that? (He said no). So I tell you what: I under-
pose music it has to be played, right? I mean, you
stand you want to make money here and that
can’t just rehearse a bunch of new tunes and then
you’re afraid folks will be turned off by my set list.
go into a studio to record. Well, you can, but…that
Well, I want to make some money too! But I’m go-
isn’t my style. Things have to be hushed out, so to
ing to continue with my plan and let’s just see how
speak.
things shake out at the end of the week. If we don’t
So anyway, we’re on tour, me and my touring band, Experiment in Truth and one of the gigs was at a
have a good turnout, I’ll take full responsibility for it. And if we do, then we’ll know that what I’m doing isn’t such a bad idea after all.”
prestigious club where, supposedly the owner typically didn’t like female vocalists. Getting a week’s date there was a real
He taught me how to stand up for myself and become
“coup”, by music business
my own advocate for my creativity and how to follow
standards. Ok, that’s cool.
through in the face of what may feel like
I’m not so enamored by vo-
insurmountable resistance.
calists, either, you know? I mean, listening to them can be a real drag sometimes. I’m including myself
I sound real calm at this point, don’t I? Well, I was-
when I say this. So, I could dig where the guy was
n’t. I was shaken to the core. During the break I told
coming from.
the guys what the club owner had said and I don’t
Well, we’re in the club on the first night, first set. Afterwards, folks are standing in line to purchase some CDs when the owner of the club walks up to me and says, “You’re an embarrassment to jazz. And the stuff you’re playing is turning my stomach. You’re moving all around the stage… you’re singing your original songs… nobody wants to hear your originals! Look around on the wall at all the pictures of these famous singers - do you think they got where they did by singing their own songs? No! You need to stand still and sing the standards the way they’re supposed to be sung!” Well! My response was very calm. I said to him, “I
recall much positive feedback, if any. The next day, I was at lunch with two friends whose lines of work keep them in close contact with jazz musicians and the music business. Still shaken and dumbfounded by the previous night’s conversation, I told them about the upcoming CD, the songs and the club owner’s response. Then I asked them what they thought about it. The gist of their response was that I should just do 1 or 2 originals per set. To fill an entire set with originals or my own arrangements was risky and not a good idea. My response was, “How is it that instrumentalists don’t get any flak for this but let a singer do it and all of a sudden it’s verboten?”
don’t have a clause in the contract about being for23
Entertainment I went back to the hotel and collapsed in tears, I
hear their opinions about these originals by way of
was so frustrated and bewildered. It was at the low- email and I gave them my email address and said I est point I’ve ever been, musically speaking, where wanted to hear it all, the good, the bad and the ugI lacked confidence in so many things that only 24 hours ago. I thought I was unshakable. I wanted to call my mother just to hear her reassurance. I want-
ly. The upshot of this story is threefold:
ed to call my lover and hear that I was wonderful
First, a critic happened to be in the audience that
and creative but I didn’t because I knew that this
night and gave us a fantastic review of our new
wasn’t going to be the last time I would be tested in work and the set. As a result the crowds grew evethis way and that I needed to go through it - alone - ry night and by Thursday, the club was filled to cato find whatever reserves I possessed to enable
pacity through Sunday.
me to do what needed to be done. But what was I going to do? I couldn’t make up my mind. I was so confused and torn.
Second, I learned to appreciate the owner’s honest response. Most would have expressed their distaste behind my back and never hired me again.
The whole afternoon passes and still I haven’t ar-
But I am so grateful to him for having expressed
rived at a satisfying solution. I get ready for the gig, himself so bluntly and forcefully directly to me. He leave the hotel and walk the two blocks to the ven-
taught me how to stand up for myself and become
ue. Now I’m standing at the corner - right across
my own advocate for my creativity and how to fol-
the street from the club - waiting for the crosswalk
low through in the face of what may feel like insur-
sign to change to “walk”. It changes and I step off
mountable resistance. He did me a huge favor and
the curb; a city bus runs the red light and I’m so
I am forever in his debt.
lost in thought that I don’t see it until it whooshes past me - close enough to make me jump back on the curb. And that’s when the realization hit me:
And the third is I was inspired to compose a song about the entire situation and the conclusions I reached. I sang the song there at the club when he
what if I go to the club and sing mostly standards
invited us back. We just recorded it in January of
tonight, walk out the club and get hit by a bus crossing the street? Who’s going to sing the songs I’ve written? Answer: NOBODY! And that’s when I said to myself, “Uh-uh, I am not going out like that.
this year and have plans to release it by the end of 2011. D.O.: Even though the objective clearly of "Lift Eve-
If I die tonight, I want the last song out of my mouth ry Voice and Sing/Star-Spangled Banner" was to to be one that I wrote.”
not enough to evoke controversy by your account, but nevertheless the rendition included on the al-
Honey, I walked into that club and we ran it down
bum and the performance (2008 for the Mayor and
and I spoke to the audience in advance about some of the concerns the club owner had (in much nicer terms, of course). I explained to them why we
the Denver Community) did more than simple raise eyebrows - you also received death threats, right?
were doing originals and then told them I wanted to Another musical situation I got myself into by fol24
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April 2011
25
Entertainment lowing my muse! The song I sang at the Mayor’s
tional anthem. My love for this country and its citi-
State of the City Address in 2008 was actually and
zens was called into question, if not out rightly as-
rd
A-Cappella rendering of the 3 movement of a
sailed. I was reviled and accused of being racist
suite I wrote in 2007 entitled Voice of My Beautiful
and divisive. Dismayed, but undaunted, I continued
Country. The suite consists of four songs I grew up singing this suite, although the death threats were loving to sing: America the Beautiful, My Country
very real to me; at one point - for about a week - I
„Tis of Thee, The Star-Spangled Banner and Lift
delved deeply into the possibility of someone walk-
Ev‟ry Voice and Sing.
ing into a club and just opening fire. I still believe that is a possibility; and I had to ask myself if I am willing to die for basically expressing a musical idea. The
There was an entire American soundtrack that had accompanied my development from childhood to the adult I am today.
answer is, YES. Despite having grown up in an environment of Jim Crow laws, racism, discrimination and fear of recriminations, if such institutions were criticized or challenged, it gradually be-
My arrangement of these songs is a straight-up
came clear that this suite of four songs was not
reflection of specific facets of American music -
sufficient to fully express my love for this country,
jazz, gospel and blues - yet still retains the same
its citizens and its music. I wanted to say more.
patriotic lyrics that I learned as a child in my segre- There was an entire American soundtrack that had gated hometown of Warrenton, VA - 40 miles from
accompanied my development from childhood to
our nation’s capital. I composed the music for the-
the adult I am today. It could reflect a composite
se songs over a period of 2 - 3 years, finally under- voice - one person’s composite voice - of this standing out how I wanted to finish the last movement in early 2008.
beautiful country. The title of the suite comes from the words in the
After the A-Cappella rendering of the third move-
titles of three of those patriotic tunes: Lift Every
ment of this suite (a blend of the Star Spangled
Voice and Sing; My Country „Tis of Thee; America
Banner melody and the lyrics of Lift Every Voice
the Beautiful
and Sing) during the Mayor of Denver’s State of the City Address, I was excoriated in the press and over the internet. My motives for singing these two songs this way became suspect - the more jaded opinion was that it was done for publicity purposes; the more violent threatening my physical safety for not having sung the traditional version of the na26
I do not want to minimize what a challenge it was to go through this. With more than 1,600 emails and at least 100 phone calls (and counting), I received tremendous support from folks of all walks of life and backgrounds. And I endured agonizing accusations - some from my own relatives - regarding my scruples. I do not regret even one note that
ALIVE
April 2011
Entertainment I sang. My only regret is the collateral damage
reign. No holds barred, no self-censorship or edit-
some in the Mayor’s office experienced when they
ing. Forcing the music to be something or say
were accused of “being in cahoots” with me; and a
something is like faking an orgasm: What good
singer here in Denver whose name is similar to
does that do ME? It’s much better to wait on the
mine. She was vilified and lost several of her en-
music to tell me where to go and then just go there.
gagements back then because vindictive people with knee-jerk reactions didn’t bother to check even the most basic details. D. O.: From the days of living under the laws of
D. O.: Compelling aspects of your story - it’s like looking at a surrealist painting; and after 23 years of marriage and never having a professional singing career until 20 plus 20 years, given an ultima-
Jim Crow with your parents and now a Black Presi- tum by your husband, please turn back the clock dent, describe the cultural social perspective as it relates to music?
as to how this all took place? R. M.: As a young teenager I sang with an R&B
R. M.: As an artist, I draw inspiration from every-
band, some local guys in the neighborhood. I met
thing that happens to me and around me. It just
my future husband in this band, a talented and
flows up and out, you know? I don’t like to think
moody keyboardist. We married when I was eight-
about it too much because that clogs up the crea-
een and both became Jehovah’s Witnesses. We
tive channel and any attempts made by others to
quit playing music in public as a result. It was 23
get me to think about it are not permitted. I follow
years before I sang in public again. During all that
an idea or urge or question that I might have about time, I still composed songs at home and sang lullsomething and I don’t put pressure on myself to
abies to my sons and for friends and family at
have an answer. I simply allow my creativity free
home and at the weddings of friends, so my musical instincts were alive and well. I also owned three jazz albums: Cleo Laine, Ella Fitzgerald and Sarah Vaughan. I memorized every song on those albums and played them constantly over the years, singing out loud around the house, entertaining my sons when they were fussy babies and teaching them some of the songs as they got older. Fast forward to 1996 - my oldest son, Michael, came home from college and went to a restaurant with friends. he called me from the restaurant saying 27
a trio and vocalist was playing there. “She's singing cause this is my house too and my name is on the the same songs you do at home, Mom, and she's terrible! you should come hear this!” he said. So I did and along with encouragement from the rest of the family, including my husband, I started singing
deed.” His reply, “If you go to the studio tomorrow and come back home, you’re gonna have hell to pay.”
again - just part-time - for little or no pay at first in a It was hard to believe that my husband, who supsmoky bar at the Ramada Inn with a friend who
posedly loved and cherished me, this man i had
had his own quintet and let me sit in with him each
fallen in love with, whose sons I had borne and
week. And that’s how it started.
raised, was standing above me issuing an ultimatum. With threatening consequences if I made the
Within a year’s time, I had my own group. I was
“wrong” choice! I knew things were coming to a
writing my own charts and rehearsing for a CD I planned to record. As I’d gotten busier with my music, my then-husband had begun to offer much resistance, in terms of abusive speech, accusations of infidelity, etc. We’d been having problems for
head, but I had no idea he would actually threaten me. I asked him, “Are you threatening me?” His reply, “It’s not a threat, baby. It’s a promise!”
years, but nothing as bad as this and at first glance, the music seemed to be making things
I was speechless. But, it took me about 10 seconds
worse. To be sure, the music was a catalyst for
to make up my mind. I calmly set my charts aside,
many things, including newly-discovered courage
stood up, walked to the closet, took out a suitcase
to speak my mind. Singing in public was changing
and began to pack. I had made my decision to
me from a meek, easily intimidated housewife into
leave and he was right - I did have hell to pay. And
an outspoken individual. I was damned if I was go-
in the middle of hell, I panicked, I fought back and
ing to be cowered into silence any longer.
screamed at the top of my lungs and ran for every door that led outside but he was stronger than I
On December 30, 1997, the day before I was to record my very first CD, I was at home making sure
was.
all the charts were in order and getting them ready
Later, after we were both worn out, I asked him if
for the next day when my husband walked into the
he was through. “Yes,” he replied. So I got up,
room and gave me an ultimatum. He told me, “If
packed some of my things and ALL of my music
you want to keep living here, you will cancel tomor- and left. I was so scared he was gonna come after row’s recording session and all the engagements
me again but I played it cool, like I had no fear. Oh,
you have on the books. You will call and cancel
I was scared alright. Scared as hell! But I left any-
them tonight - once and for all. And you will forget
way. I didn’t know where this was gonna lead, but I
all about this singing business. If you go to the stu-
knew I was not coming back.
dio tomorrow, don’t come back home.” My immediate response was, “There is a third option - I can go to the studio and then come back home be28
By January of 1999, I had divorced my husband; left my religion; produced my first CD,
ALIVE
April 2011
"Renaissance", (under my married name, Rene
that pop-up suddenly, other doors that open that I
Croan); quit my job at the bank; and signed onto
didn’t even know were there.
the MaxJazz label.
If I have so many goals to reach or a list of all these
I have supported myself full-time as a musician
things to accomplish, that I have to say “no” to the-
ever since. Rather than being upset or angry, I am
se taps on the shoulder, then I am not living in the
grateful to my ex-husband for the way he present-
now. I’m living in the “Not Now!”
ed my options to me; it was forceful, yes, but it cer-
I did that for 23
tainly
years when I was
brought into
married and be-
focus ex-
I try to avoid out-planning the universe, you
actly what I
know what I mean? To have a 3- or 5- or 10
gious group. Back
-year-plan so defined.
then, I thought that
longed to a reli-
needed to do. Just think: if he hadn’t done that, perhaps I would never have had the courage to prioritize my music. Sometimes we jump on our own and sometimes we get pushed; either way, we can fly.
if I had everything strategically planned out, I would somehow avoid what I considered back then to be “failure”. But it was not failure to recognize that I needed to be on a different path than the one I was on. That is progress and growth and wisdom! When I stay in the now, even if it’s
D. O.: Can you talk a little about this musical chap-
painful or scary or feels like I’m falling off a cliff, I
ter of your life - how it may differ where you see
know that I am alive; deeply creative and meaning-
yourself moving towards, etc?
ful ideas and feelings can arise from a loss of equi-
R. M.: I don’t like to think in terms of chapters or phases of my life. All of it - past, present and future - is just me. I try so hard to stay in the moment and
librium. So instead of trying to stay balanced I’ve learned how to walk on shaky ground. It affects my walk, sure, but I know I’m moving forward! ALIVE
not think about what’s ahead of me or what’s behind me. Staying in the moment allows me to be open to what’s happening NOW. I try to avoid outplanning the universe, you know what I mean? To have a 3- or 5- or 10-year-plan so defined, so “locked in”, that I don’t allow room for the universe to tap me on the shoulder and say, “Excuse me, Rene, but have you considered…?” or “Rene! … over here! Look at this path…! This looks like a good one!” and of course, this tap on the shoulder comes through other people, other opportunities 29
Fashion and Style
Spring’s Latest Designer: Thomas Lavone Thomas has interned with Richard Tyler in California. After completing his internship and graduating in 1999, Thomas moved back to the East Coast to begin his freelance consulting career. Thomas' roster of clients include: Victoria's Secret, DKNY, Nautica Children and Willie Esco. In 2000 he landed his first position with Jones New York, beginning his professional career as a Technical Designer. In 2001, after garnering a vast experience as a Technical Designer, Thomas transcended his talents to private label companies such as Mamieye Children's Wear, His International and The Golden Touch Group. During this time, he continued to freelance for DKNY, Armani Exchange, Daisy Fuentes and Anne Klein. While working as a Senior Technical Designer for Tommy Hilfiger, licensed under Russell Newman, Thomas was inspired to create his signature line and made the decision to dedicate himself full time to its creation.
Madison Square Garden's "Film Festival 2001" and was interviewed by FOX 5 News. His collection has also appeared at the Black Expo 2002, WBLS's Circle of Sisters 2002. He was a featured designer at "Nabru 2003" in Times Square, where his line premiered among leading design companies such as Roca Wear, Indigo Red, Carl Banks, Azzure and Encye. Thomas came close to achieving reality television fame when, in 2004, he made it as a semi-finalist for Tommy Hilfiger's designer show "The Cut". Thomas premiered as a designer during DC Fashion Week in February 2006 and 2008. In September 2009, The House of Thomas Lavone placed 2nd in McCafe First Friday Fashion Democracy Fashionistas Rule. That same year, Roy Campbell from America's Next Top Model premiered Thomas's line in his "Soul Style" 2009 event in downtown Wilmington, DE. When asked to describe Thomas as a designer, Roy stated that, "when it comes time to build that wardrobe that can take you from the boardroom to the society luncheon to the ballroom, this dynamic designer is the man to turn to. I call him fashion's ultimate mix-master because of his daring use of color and fabric. He creates bold, ladylike ensembles that can make any woman a style dynamo."
The Thomas Lavone Collection exploded at Essex County College in 2001, 2002 and 2003. Thomas was featured as an upcoming designer at 30
ALIVE
The Thomas Lavone Collection was displayed during New Jersey Fashion Week. Where Mrs. New Jersey 2010 wore one of his gown and his collection was also displayed at the Jersey Garden Outlet Mall. Mr. Lavone's recent appearance at the Style Network Show, Jerseylicious. which was premiered this Jan 23 and Jan 30, 2011.
April 2011
Fashion and Style
31
Relationships
In the Eyes of the Victim: The Story of Dawn-Marie Wesley
able.
by Daood Obaid Teen suicide is on the rise today because teens are falling victim of peer pressure, abusive relationships and family issues. Unfortunately, teen suicide is on the rise because of one of the fastest growing trends in today’s society. Bullying. Thousands of kids are looking to suicide as a way to end their suffering. Families are left devastated by the impact from a child choosing suicide over being bullied. One family knows this situation all to well. Cassidy McMillan, an aspiring film maker sat down with Daooid Obaid to discuss how her life changed to empower and increase awareness about bullying after she met The Wesley family, who lost their 14 year old daughter to bullying.
The inception of “RATS & BULLIES” came from when I tuned in to watch a specific episode of the OPRAH Winfrey Show when that day's show reaired at 1:00 a.m. I had tuned in as the show was listed as talking about bullying, and the topic interested me. The entire hour of Oprah's show was on the story of Dawn-Marie Wesley and Oprah spoke with DawnMarie's mother Cindy Wesley on the set. I was deeply moved by the story, as I was horrified that a girl, only 14 years old, felt so scared by the actions of others, that she would kill herself. Being that I'm an actress and screenwriter who works on and takes an interest in social causes, I felt that this was a story that needed to be told in a feature film.
I ordered the transcript from the OPRAH Winfrey D.O.: “RATS & BULLIES”, is an award winning Show, researched the incident through various documentary. What was the inspiration for the sub- news articles and located the family in British Coject matter and the inception of this project? lumbia, Canada. C. M.: The subject matter of the powerful documentary film, “RATS & BULLIES” tells the true story of 14 year-old Dawn-Marie Wesley, who hung herself in her bedroom with her dog's leash, after being bullied and threatened to death by three girls at her high school, whom she named in her suicide note. The horrifying incident outraged a nation, setting off a groundbreaking investigation by Canada's Crown, which led to the revolutionary and precedent setting court case, where for the first time in a North American court, teens were arrested, charged and made to stand trial for bullying. Under the context of being charged with uttering threats and criminal harassment, which is the same as adults, would be charged with, if an adult perpetrated this crime on another adult.
I decided to call the mom (Cindy Wesley) on a Saturday, as I figured that would be a more likely time she would be home and have hopefully some time to talk. I wanted to inquire as to if the family's life rights had been purchased by a film studio or network, and if not, I wanted to be granted the life rights.
Before this case, the court system seemed to basically allow teens to make threats to other teens without any repercussions or consequence.
C.M.: When I asked Cindy Wesley if a studio or network had inquired to buy her family's life rights, or had made her a money offer, she informed me that two television networks had and some studios were inquiring.
So my next step was the phone call to Cindy Wesley and that she would see my vision for the film. The documentary was not even part of the idea at that time. D.O.: Upon speaking with Cindy Wesley, how did you get life rights as opposed to a film studio or network?
“RATS & BULLIES” not only deals with this precedent setting incident. The film also tells of other bullying and bullycide incidents and offers solutions I told Cindy my vision for the feature film screenon bullying to teens, teachers, parents, school ad- play - which would be to depict the story in a real ministrators, etc. way - to show the horror of a brutal suicide and to show the gritty true raw story of the bullying enAnd “RATS & BULLIES” helps to show victims of dured and to depict the story without holding back. bullying that they're not alone and that help is avail32
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April 2011
Relationships
Of course, to show the story in such a raw and real way would mean that the story had to be told in a feature film. It could not be told in a television movie on a standard TV network, as the violence that was involved in some of the girl bullying would not be aired, as a TV network would homogenize the story and content. Cindy believed in my vision for the story of how to tell of the tragic incidents that tore her family's life and a small town apart. We made a verbal agreement on the phone for me to obtain her family's life rights and then I would follow-up that week with mailing her a formal, written legal contract to obtain the life rights. I told Cindy that in writing the screenplay, I'd want to capture their true essence and so would travel to Canada to conduct extensive research and to video record interviews with those involved, so to get their mannerisms, etc. on camera, to use when writing the screenplay. I figured I'd need to spend a month up in British Columbia, Canada to do the research. Cindy agreed and said she would tell the people involved about me. All in all, Cindy and I spoke for about 90 minutes on that initial phone conversation, and even though prior to that call we had been complete strangers to each other, after the call, I knew somehow that she and I would be lifelong friends. D.O.: According to Cindy Wesley, what type of relationship did she have with her daughter DawnMarie Wesley? C.M.: Cindy and Dawn-Marie were very close and had a very caring mother and daughter relationship. And Dawn-Marie and her younger brother D.J., who was a year younger than her, were very close.
Part of the reason Dawn-Marie killed herself was that one of the bullies made threats against DawnMarie's family. So it is sad that Dawn-Marie thought she was protecting her family, but in fact, she left them with tragedy and heartbreak. D.O.: Were these culprits her classmates and what was the rational for Dawn-Marie thinking that she was protecting her family? C.M.: The three bullies were all classmates at her high school. All three were in the 9th grade. The reason Dawn-Marie felt she had to protect her family was that the main bully who threatened to kill her, also threatened that she (the bully) could potentially create legal problems for Dawn -Marie's family because one of the bully's father was a prominent police officer with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in the town of Mission, where Dawn-Marie lived. The bully said that she could get her dad to arrest whoever she wanted whether or not they committed a crime or not. With that said, the RCMP were not the ones to bring charges against the three bullies. The local RCMP said no crime had been committed. It was a determined female prosecutor who worked for Canada's Crown Counsel, was the one to incorporate charges against the three girls. D. O.: Were you able to talk with the three girls involved with bullying Dawn-Marie? C. M.: I was able to include an exclusive full interview, a discussion with the leader of the girl gang one of the girls arrested and brought to trial for bullying. Her open, candid, and at times remorseful and sorrow filled interview, which is thought provoking and insightful, is featured in my documentary Film, “RATS & BULLIES�.
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Relationships there any other goal for “RATS & BULLIES”? The second bully (the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Officer's daughter), was set to be interviewed by me. But when the time came she was all of a sudden sent to the East Coast of Canada, and was "unavailable" for her interview. She did, however, send me a couple of emails months later - in which she told me she was actually never a bully and that the court was wrong, etc. Yet, it was her phone threats to Dawn-Marie that seemed to push Dawn-Marie over the edge. The third bully disappeared from the town of Mission after her trial and was reported to be living in and out of shelters. So no contact was made with her. When she finally showed up on the day the Judge issued her historic court ruling for the first two teen girls, she was placed under arrest and months later, the third bully was tried in a separate trial.
C.M.: I'd like to take the film through the film festival circuit - with a distribution company promoting and sponsoring it. So my main goal is to get a domestic (U.S.) and international distributor - to get it seen by as many teens as possible - to hopefully save lives, make a positive difference and that through Dawn-Marie's story, to let kids who are being bullied know that someone cares. My other goal is to get this powerful and inspirational story made into a feature film from my award winning Screenplay, “THE TOUGHEST GIRLS.” The film will truly touch a lot of people, and will have an important message of hope and inspiration. http://www.ratsandbullies.com/ www.TheToughestGirls.com
D. O.: And the verdict rendered for the girls? C. M.: You'll have to watch “RATS & BULLIES” to learn the verdicts. D.O.: Okay, I’ll be getting my copy next week. Is
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ALIVE
April 2011
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Parenting
Your Kids Are Not Stupid!
now, you're a straight A student", "You're gonna do great things in life" and "You're the best there's ever been.
by Rodrick Walters aka The Upbeat Dad
"And would you believe that those words have changed her life? Now her approach in school is so y now, most of us as parents have a good idea much different. And it's reflected in her good of how our kids are doing in school so far this year. grades. Her self-confidence is so much greater. th My daughter is in the 7 grade and is doing quite She now speaks of the career she'd like to pursue, well. She's very intelligent, articulate and really a knowing it is possible with hard work. wonderful child. But I recall when she was just settling down in elementary school, her grades Sometimes as parents we send our kids to school caused me many a sleepless night. and think that it's the school's job to educate them. On the contrary, the school is just a formal setting As bright as she is, for quite some time, that was where much of the education takes place but it's not reflected in her grades. And that caused me a our job as parents to provide the kind of environgreat deal of concern. As far as I was concerned, I ment where they can learn. had a straight A student but somehow an impostor took over and was producing unacceptable grades. At that time I was a single dad raising a 9 year old. I had recently started my own business Our words have more power than we might know. so time was at a premium. It wasn't the most conWe can build up or tear down our precious children venient of things to begin working with her to imby simply opening our mouths. If your children prove her grades. should struggle to any degree, it's ok to be frustrated. But try not to use negative words like "stupid" But there she was - a young, impressionable, intelor "idiot". Sow seeds of excellence into them. If you ligent child with her entire life ahead of her. She don't see the best in them, then who will? needed the loving guidance of one who saw the very best in her. She didn't need to hear judgmenTell them they will accomplish great things - even if tal words like "What are you? An idiot?" Or "How you're having a hard time believing it. Sooner, rastupid can you be? You're not gonna amount to ther than later, you will believe it and so will they. anything." Our children are the future. Let's feed them with words of encouragement as they seek to live their What do you do when your child struggles? Do you dreams. They'll be the better for it. ALIVE throw up your hands and say "Forget it?" Do you say, "Oh, well - some have what it takes and others don't." You know how many kids hear those words from their parents? Those same kids internalize the words and literally become the manifestation of those damaging words.
B
I thought about how my parents encouraged me when I had my own struggles in school.
I thought about how my parents encouraged me when I had my own struggles in school. I was determined to be there for her as they were for me. I scheduled conferences with her teachers to find out their perspective. I hired a tutor to get her going in the right direction. And more than anything, I began speaking words of encouragement to her words like "I don't care what your report card says 36
ALIVE
April 2011
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Increase 37
Girlfriend Getaway: N.Y.C. with 12 treatment rooms, a sun-lit movement studio, fitness center and a glass-enclosed pool feafever. Many are making plans to enjoy the weather turing panoramic city views. Go on a video tour of with their girlfriends over a long weekend. Here The Peninsula Spa in NYC. are some of our travel picks!
Spring has sprung and we are all getting spring
Exhale Midtown on Central Park's southern end is a 12,000 foot oasis with 12 treatments rooms and two 1,200 foot studios, and a chic nail bar. I had a great facial here - 150 Central Park South between 6th and 7th Ave., 212249-3000.
New York, New York
Townhouse Spa is a three-story spa that caters to a corporate clientele, down to the leather banquettes and one all-male floor with a barber station. SpaOceana is a giant hydro-capsule that sprays you with steam and oils - 9 West 56th Street, between 5th and 6th Ave., 212-245-8006. Okeanas is one of the few places in Manhattan where you can get a traditional Russian banya (steam-infused sauna) and plaza, an invigorating brushing with bundled birch leaves followed by a splash of ice-cold water. And it offers barber services. It's at 211 East 51st Street, between 2nd and 3rd Avenues. New York has plenty to offer – rich culture, popular 212-223-6773. sites, shopping and museums. While in NYC, take time out to be rejuvenated. If you decide to visit New York, you want to be sure to take time to visit some of the popular sites: Upper West Side Time Square The Spa at Mandarin Oriental is considered the Empire State Building city's greatest luxury hotel spa though pricey. Lo Central Park cated on the 35th floor of the Time Warner. 80 Co Statue of Liberty lumbus Circle at 60th Street, New York, New York Grand Central Terminal 10023. Reservations: 866-801 8880. Wall Street Saks Fifth Avenue Upper East Side FAO Schwartz Exhale Upper East Side is one of three Exhale Tiffany & Co. spas in New York City that combine excellent spa Metropolitan Museum of Art treatments, healing modalities like acupuncture, Museum of Modern Art and exercise classes like Core Fusion, which gives the locker room a sweaty, athletic vibe. 980 Madison Avenue between 76th-77th. 212-249-3000 So get ready to hop on a plane and enjoy Mid-town The Peninsula Spa by ESPA is a luxury hotel spa 38
the Big Apple and take a bit out of fun! ALIVE
ALIVE
April 2011
surreal.
Asking the Question by Ra-Keish N. Roland
You know the kind that can heal all the battered and broken wounds.
I was advised to ask the question, Why? So I'm going to try to form the words that compose a reality I haven't been strong enough to deal with…
Don’t be so consumed, because He proved He could do miracles when He died on the cross and moved the tomb, yet the world was still lost.
Now Father, before I ask, I pray for strength to handle the bitter truth about the situation and state of mind that I'm in,
With the knowledge of knowing someone so Powerful, Awesome and HOLY, I only have one last thing to say…
„Oh Yaweh, please Forgive me of all my sin‟.
“Lord, I BOLDLY ask You, to show me Why it hurts so bad?”
This is the first step of my surgical procedure breaking the outer shell that conceals my heart to a I'm tired of being sad because I believe You are the place where pain, deceit, lying, fornication and reSupreme Ruler who will deliver me and totally jection currently reside. Reign in me, with Majesty and Precision... I now wait, listening and watching You with close I'm not trying to hide my inner truth any longer. attention. I need something that is stronger than that cocaine or marijuana type high. I crave the Ultimate flight plan and there is only One Man that will not only lift my spirits, and not with beer or wine, but the kind that is peaceful and
G.R.O.W. (Great Revelation of Wisdom) by Ra-Keish N. Roland
When you can’t see or aren’t ready to see the wrong, it'll never be corrected. When you are attempting to go on with your heart protected, as if everything is okay, it’s bound to come to a head one day. When you live one way and profess to others that you live another that is just a means of trying not to uncover the truth about what has been hidden. It has been written that whatsoever is done in the dark will come to the light, So, no matter how hard you fuss, fight or deceive yourself the fact of the matter is this, At some point in your life whatever has been forbidden in your heart, or unexposed by your composure, the only way to receive closure is to Face It, Deal with the Outcome and… Let It Go. So you can GROW. Great Revelation of Wisdom!!!!! 39
Inspirational
The Birthing Process Birth of our dreams that is! by Rodrick Walters aka The Upbeat Dad
While all of these changes were taking place both with my wife and our unborn son, the inevitable due date was coming up. No matter what happened, he was on his way into the world and all we could do was prepare and make room for him.
My friend then made a powerful statement to me that just made my jaw drop in awe. Here’s that statement, “When a woman reaches full-term, her birth to a baby? If so, you’ve experienced in a womb is stretched to its capacity. It can no longer physical way what every great achiever in history contain the baby. Therefore, she begins to feel dishas experienced mentally. The birthing process is something that we can all relate to. A woman con- comfort. Then she experiences increasingly intense labor pains. And then the baby moves ceives and after about 9 months, a baby comes from her womb and joins the rest of us in the jour- through the birth canal and is born. In the fullness of time, the world sees with their eyes what 9 ney we call life. I’d like to challenge you today to think about the birthing process from the standpoint months before no one knew was there.” Wow! I could not add any more words to that profound of giving birth to your dreams. statement.
Have you ever been pregnant? Have you given
A few months ago, I had a conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about some of the You see, our dreams are conceived inside of us. dreams I’ve had for the past several years coming Sometimes we do not realize that they are there. But it doesn’t mean to fruition. His that they’re not. words to me Then we realize were, “What “The darkest part of the night is and you’ve experijust before the dawn.” acknowledge enced the last that they’re deep few years is a within us. We pregnancy.” could be living in a house with loved ones and they’d have no clue that I replied, “A pregnancy? But I’m a guy! How’s there is something conceived and living on the inthat?” side of us. But that which is conceived is real and it “Yes,” he said. “You’ve been pregnant and all that’s is living. happening now is that you’re giving birth.”
My wife took prenatal vitamins to feed our little baby as she carried him. As you nurture your dream, I wrote down some specific things that he shared with me. It wasn’t long before I concurred with him you need to feed it the right nutrients so that it can that, in fact, I have been pregnant. He spoke of my grow in its own natural process and time. Over wife. Just last August, we welcomed our wonderful time, as it grows, you do begin to experience some baby son into the world. We found out the previous discomfort because you’re not used to carrying this December that we were expecting but little did we extra weight. It becomes a burden – one that you know that she conceived in late November. Before know must be released. You want to release it but long, we knew it. Our doctor knew it. And those we it’s not yet “the fullness of time.” So you wait in anticipation and at times, with some frustration. chose to share the news with knew it. But after a few months, she started to show, so it was obvious Did you know that there’s a certain point before to anyone who saw her. which a fetus cannot survive outside of the womb? In our own lives, sometimes we try to give birth to As time transpired, things she normally did were our dreams but somehow those plans quickly fizzle not so easily done anymore. Getting dressed, standing up, walking – all these things increasingly and fade away. That’s because it wasn’t time to became a chore. As all this transpired, our little son give birth just yet. But the inevitable due date was growing. First, he was practically the size of a awaits. There is a due date for the dreams congrain of sand, then a pea, then an apple, then big- ceived on the inside of you. That due date is as sure as the rising of the sun – it is inevitable. Your ger and bigger. responsibility therefore, is to nurture your dreams 40
ALIVE
April 2011
Inspirational As you nurture this dream, it grows continually. Yes, there are times when it becomes painful to carry. And yes, there comes the time when it appears too much to bear. But hold on –could it be that you’re giving birth to it?
baby boy and that’s all that matters.
Your dreams are in the birth canal, my friend. The head is crowning. In a very short while, you and the world will see with your eyes what you've already seen in your head. And as you give birth, just know My mom always says, “The darkest part of the that though your baby is conceived within you and night is just before the dawn.” begins to grow in your womb, in order for it to grow into all that it can be it must be released through Your dreams for your family and for your career are the birthing process. within your grasp. But you can only realize your dreams through the painful but necessary birthing I hope that you embrace this very life transforming process. Perhaps now is the time for you to give message because it’s very real. And I hope that birth! Perhaps your labor pains have been disyou and your baby will impact the world in a posiguised as you becoming a victim of the economic tive way. downturn and your finances appear to have been cut off. Perhaps your labor pains have been disEnjoy giving birth! ALIVE guised as a bad marriage; or as out of control children. But take heart – as any loving mother will tell you, when that lovely baby is born, you quickly forget about the pain and discomfort as you hold that bundle of joy in your arms. It makes the labor and the pain worth it all. My wife has little recollection of the many hours that she spent in labor. She only knows that she has a wonderful, healthy, happy
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Vendor Directory
ATTORNEYS
PUBLIC RELATIONS
Tiombe E. Jones Attorney at Law Law Offices of Tiombe Jones P.O. Box 632011 Irving, Texas 75063 Phone: (214)875-7129 Fax: (214)377-9831 tjones@mytjones.com
Ivy N. Carter, MBA Public Relations/Professional Writer Written By INC 214-986-3759 writtenbyinc@aol.com
COSMETICS Monica Atterberry Esthetician Love the Skin Your In Skin Salon 1 682.553.2597 http:// AtterberryNation.myarbonne.com
PUBLISHING Dashawn Taylor Next Level Publishing www.nextlevelpublishing.com
NON-PROFIT Noreen Mcclendon Executive Director P.O. Box 11337 Los Angeles, CA 90011 (323) 371-4644 www.hoodstock.org PHOTOGRAPHY Denice Toombs Lasting Impressions Photography www.liphotography.com denicetoombs@gmail.com
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April 2011
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April 2011