navigating triggers During Family Reunion Season

by Girl Tyler

Memorial Day is on the horizon, kicking off a busy season of reunions and family gatherings. While Memorial Day is a time of remembrance to honor the lives of fallen veterans, painful memories tend to resurface at the thought of having to be around people who’ve hurt you in the past. You may experience heightened anxiety, or your energy may take a dip during conversations involving toxic family members.

Family reunions can feel more like family stress if you grew up in a chaotic or abusive environment. Whether the hostility is toward a distant cousin or immediate family member, it’s easy to understand why you feel reluctant about the occasion. Emotional triggers are real and tie us to the past. A photo, event, location, or even a comment can take you back to a painful moment you thought you’d buried long ago. Subconsciously, the pain is fresh. An insult from a stranger is easy to shake off, but unpleasant words from a loved one can cause a lifetime of hurt. Rather than ignoring your feelings, acknowledge and honor them.

Respect your boundaries by refusing to let anyone cross them. Plan to stay for a limited amount of time. Leave the room if necessary. There will be moments when you cannot avoid a toxic relative or situation. Triggers can get the best of us, causing destructive behaviors and old habits to resurface. This time, you get to choose how this thing will play out. Confront their toxic behavior in a way that doesn’t upset you. You can’t control how others behave, but you’re in control of you.

Once the event is over, pat yourself on the back! You survived! Even if family time didn’t quite go your way, you can focus on inner peace. Blocking relatives on social media is a form of self-care. You don’t owe anyone an explanation about how you chose to protect your peace.

Healing doesn’t have a timetable. Give yourself grace. Take deep breaths. The first step is deciding whether you want to attend the family function. Fun fact: You don’t have to attend. Reunions are meant for reconnecting with the people you love, but there is nothing wrong with loving your loved ones from a distance. The worst thing you can do is suppress your emotions for the sake of a “good time”. Do what works for you and not what is expected of you