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unrealistic economic goals set for them in contemporary America, then they must increase the signs of their manhood in some other area: they must be the most sexually active (or make others believe that they are) or be able to hold the most liquor or display the most anger. It is not surprising, in this context, that anger and other violent emotions are the only emotions permitted, even encouraged, in men, for anger is a very effective means of blocking out fear and pain, which are not permitted, and anger usually produces the kind of aggressive behaviors associated with patriarchal manhood. I refer to male programming, at this point, for two reasons, both of which reflect my personal feminist biases. I want the men reading this chapter to see in femi‑ nism the potential for learning a good deal about themselves as well as about women. And I want readers of both sexes to see that, even when we think we’re talking about men, we’re also talking about women because, in a patri‑ archy, everything that concerns men usually implies something (usually nega‑ tive) about women. For example, it is important to note that all the behaviors described in the preceding two paragraphs—behaviors forbidden to men—are considered “womanish,” that is, inferior, beneath the dignity of manhood. Men, and even little boys, who cry are called “sissies.” Sissy sounds very much like sister, and it means “cowardly” or “feminine,” two words that, in this context, are synonyms. Clearly, one of the most devastating verbal attacks to which a man can be subjected is to be compared to a woman. Thus, being a “real” man in patriarchal culture requires that one hold feminine qualities in contempt. Homosexuality is included on the list of “feminine” behaviors, at least for Amer‑ ican men, because despite the plentiful example of very masculine homosexual men, the American stereotype of the homosexual male is an extremely feminine one. This phenomenon implies that whenever patriarchy wants to undermine a behavior, it portrays that behavior as feminine. It is important to note, too, that the patriarchal concept of femininity—which is linked to frailty, modesty, and timidity—disempowers women in the real world: it is not feminine to succeed in business, to be extremely intelligent, to earn big bucks, to have strong opinions, to have a healthy appetite (for anything), or to assert one’s rights. To briefly illustrate the debilitating effects of patriarchal gender roles on both women and men, consider the story of “Cinderella.” Feminists have long been aware that the role of Cinderella, which patriarchy imposes on the imagination of young girls, is a destructive role because it equates femininity with submis‑ sion, encouraging women to tolerate familial abuse, wait patiently to be rescued by a man, and view marriage as the only desirable reward for “right” conduct. By the same token, however, the role of Prince Charming—which requires men to be wealthy rescuers responsible for making their women happy “ever after”—is a destructive role for men because it promotes the belief that men must be unflag‑ ging superproviders without emotional needs.
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