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Words From Jack Swan
It has been a strange summer. At no point have we thought that a major club are going to steal our manager, our stresses and fears have instead been on other things. For me, Ashley Williams was our signing of the summer. Incredibly important to us and losing him would have suggested that we were at the end of our Premier league road.
I’m massively optimistic about our chances this season assuming that Wilf remains with us. I think that we will have plenty to survive should he go but we could mount a serious top 8 challenge if we keep hold of him. I’m really curious to see how our back 4 shapes up and interested to see how much organisation Monk has done with our Summer break, we leaked few goals in our warm up matches but they obviously stand for very little. I hoped to publish a debate on facebook between Geraint Evans and Simon Daniels but neither could refrain from swearing frequently and I couldn’t be bothered to edit it and there were certain words which were uneditable and would totally lose context. The debate showed how different people’s opinions are over our Summer dealings. We have lost a lot of players and brought in less in terms of numbers. I would have liked to have kept Ben but you can’t complain too much if you go through a transfer window and only lose your left back from your first team. Michu wouldn’t get in our first team before you spout on. He would have two years ago but Bony is a better striker and Siggy is better in the hole and I think that it is best for everyone that he moved on. We are into our forth year in the Premier League and our 4th year at Jack Swan, both have improved with each year and will continue to do so. I hope you enjoy this issue, we will always love to hear from you about ways to improve the magazine.
Cheers Jack Swan
Contents 4: Adios Amigos 10: Ours at Last
12: Good Luck Ben
14: Where are they now?
Matty talks to Martin Thomas
20: Jack Swan Tries
24: Jack swan eats food
28: Jokes by Spense
34: Where are they now
44: Pictures of the month 46: Plan B?
52: Picture Quiz
54: More From Spense 58: Micky Thomas is an idiot 60: Green Valley Arts
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A�io� A�ig�’� It was only this time last year that we welcomed the Spanish armada into SA1. A new set of Iberian recruits waiting to join the success of those that had come before them. Reports of dressing room unrest and split camps between Spanish and non-Spanish has resulted in a mass exodus of the same scale as their arrival but has the problem simply lied with their nationality? I spoke with Ashley Williams about a year ago and he said that Laudrup would let the players do what they wanted, manage their own free time and give them freedom. This was totally new to our British players who were used to being babysat. British footballers cannot think for themselves, they are not able to tell the time, they cannot work out when they are hungry, they need to be controlled in pretty much every way, if not disaster happens. Our Spanish contingents were more used to this freedom; potentially they married with this in mind and had wives who could take over these difficult roles better than Rosie Webster would have for example. But that is the way of managers in La Liga, where our previous manager had picked up their trade. This could have been a big reason for any divide and also for this mass cull. I think that there was a big group of Laudrups
signings who are used to the continental style of football management and don’t necessarily want to be around team mates outside of ‘work’, it is very much a case of ‘you go to work, you come home from work’. They never got taught ‘The Swansea Way’, the real family feel. Our footballers are babies in this country, but we expect them to be united babies. We don’t expect them to know how to make a cup of tea or even know how to tie their own shoe lace but we do expect them to abuse each other in a friendly manor on twitter, we expect their best man at their wedding to be the person they play next to on the weekend. We know that they need a sat-nav to find their car but that is okay as long as they are a team who will fight for each other. It became increasingly clear that there were players in our squad who wouldn’t fight for their team mates in the way that we expect in this country. That might be fine in Spain but I’d rather have a group of fighters under Monks baby sitting service rather than more independent individuals under the Laud. I doubt that we will ever know whether I’m speaking complete nonsense or not (although I’m guessing most of you know that I am) but I do think that there was a major clash in what players were used to in regards to time outside of training and this played a major factor in the split camp. The most important thing now, having worked out that we are having an exodus is to manage it well.
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A�io� A�ig�’� Having 100% faith in your chairman’s ability is never possible for a football fan. Even when their reputation and past achievements are as great as our, they can still never do as good a job as us fans can. We always know best, even when we know little and this summer seems to have had more ‘undisclosed fees’ than quality thunderstorms. So it is difficult to really comment or judge on how successful our dealings have been but that is kind of my job and so here (kind of ) it goes. I think the majority of fans felt that the Michu loan deal seemed a strange option for us without looking at it too much. The Spanish international will only have a year left on his contract when he returns to us and will also be 29. You would be forgiven for assuming that his value would be considerably less at this time next summer.
what is in that deal. We assume that Napoli have paid money for him to go there, if this sum is around the £4 million mark then I’d say that is a reasonable fee from our behalf. Especially when it seems highly likely that he wasn’t happy here, his value was dwindling and at the very least, this deal should put him back in the shop window and take him a way from a harmonious squad. He could potentially have a wonder season, bang in 20 goals, have a £15 million pound value at the end of it to go alongside the £4 million we had for this season and Huw has played another master stroke. It is also possible that there is an ‘agreed sale price’ in this loan deal, which would take a lot of any advantages of a loan deal away from us. Should he have that wonder season and attract interest from Paris St German, Monaco and numerous Italian clubs, we would be disappointed to have a pre-agreed deal to sell him to Napoli for £6 million.
That though, could be far from the truth. We are talking about a player who had a very good season in La Liga before joining us, who then had an inspirational season in So in terms of the Michu deal, I (kind of ) tried, but it’s his first campaign in really hard to the Premier League know what sort and won his first of deal it will Spanish cap in his work out to be second season here. for us without If he is able to light actually knowing up Serie A in the anything at all. same way, then his What we do pedigree will surely know is that our be high having chairman has an succeeded in the incredible past three most record of these illustrious leagues dealings and so in Europe in just 4 we must assume seasons. that the deal was the best possible The problem is that for the club and we have no idea lets remember
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A�io� A�ig�’� that we only paid £2.2 million for him (‘only’ what is the world coming to hey). The Pozuelo deal was a shame as far as I was concerned. I really liked him and feel like he has a lot to offer. It is another ‘undisclosed fee’ but I don’t think we would have got much out of the deal to be honest although, you never know. There are so many contract agreements these days that there could be many a clause which could mean that we are quids-in should he ever become a Spanish and Barcelona regular. Monk was clearly not impressed with him, I would of liked to see him loaned out to the championship, toughened up a bit and then given a chance but I wont lose to much sleep over losing him. Canas, Chico and Pablo are still on our books as I write this although they all seem destined to depart the club.
but he does give the ball away so much and offers little in other areas of the field. No hard feelings towards him at all, he never really reached his full potential here and it looks as though he is going to milk it up in Qatar for a few years and I think that probably explains how his career has turned out in reality. This will leave us with just Angel and Jordi Amat flying the flag for Spain. Angel is clearly adapted to the British style of football management, so much so that he married a Welsh girl. Who was his best man though? Answers on a post card please. Is he properly British? Amat is young enough to not really know too different and to of still been babysat a little anyway. But I personally don’t think the club has anything against Spanish players: just those who can wipe their own ass.
Canas is supposedly disruptive to the squads harmony. That is the word on the street and it would appear that there may be more than just footballing reasons for his omission from our pre-season tour. He came on a free and I would expect that he would leave on one as well. He’s been a decent enough squad player, he isn’t as good as Ki and so I don’t think that he will be missed really. Chico has annoyed the hell out of me and I want to make certain that he’s gone before I really go into my point of view on him. Watch this space. Pablo is the most bizarre and frustrating player that we have seen in recent years at the swans. He may well be missed but I don’t think that we will notice it. His assists record is superb and he is clearly a creative player
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Most of the tennis at Wimbledon went completely unnoticed this year as the World Cup took over but I did sit and watch the final. A fantastic game between the sheer determination, strength and fitness of Novak Djokavic and the sheer beauty of Roger Federer.
It was probably the first time that I really appreciated the fuss about the Swiss player who has destroyed every tennis record that Wimbledon has. He is effortless, his technique is just wonderful, he has more time than anyone else, he doesn’t run, he glides, he doesn’t smash, he places. And although I can’t fail but admire the likes of Rafa Nadals and Novak Djokovic, they are the Michu’s of this world, they are all about ‘power’ and I’m after technique. They are physical, they are efficient, they are determined. They get the job done on a frightfully consistent basis. Few thrills, few slip ups, slightly unorthodox at times, putting their body on the line time and time again. They are the well oiled machines to the grace and individuality of a Roger Federer or…………………….. a Gylfi Sigurðsson. Siggy is the Roger Federrer of the footballing world. That is not to say that he is the greatest player in the world, I’m not an idiot, it is plainly obvious that Leon Britton holds that accolade but he is just a wonderful player to watch.
18 games for our new recruit. Monk says that siggy looks even better than when he lit up SA1 a couple of seasons ago. His first friendly match looked promising. It is hard to understand why he didn’t cut the grade at Spurs, it is possible that his face just didn’t fit. It is also possible that he was being played consistently out of position and that this could be a trap which we may fall into. He is a decent wide man but he is a top quality attacking midfielder. Can we afford to play him as an attacking midfielder? Will we only play with one up top to accommodate him or will we be brave enough to play him alongside Leon in a 4-4-2? If I was a betting man then I would lay a pound on him being forced out wide and I think we will potentially lose out on getting the very best out of him there but would probably give us a more balanced eleven. As a wide man, he is a typical central midfielder being pushed wide: he wants to come back inside. He obviously has the type of delivery which will get Bony and Gomis excited but he isn’t going to burst past players with the blistering pace that Ecuadorian wingers posses. Great to have him back, great to finally be able to call him ‘ours’.
His technique on either foot is perfection, he has more time than those around him, he sees things which few players can see but he also has the ability to do it. Is he better than Michu? Possibly, possibly not, he is certainly a more exciting player to watch though. He may be seen as more of a replacement for De Guzman than our Spanish international and it would be safe to say that we will get more consistent set pieces from our Icelandic international. JDG has been praised for his goal scoring ability but has managed only 2 more goals for Swansea (9) than Siggy playing 71 times compared to just
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G�o� Lu�� Y�� T�n�i� Rac��e� Ho��ig��! I have never loved a manager since Martinez betrayed us and I learned a valuable life lesson that day. Managers have come and gone since, without me shedding a tear, with me refusing to let myself love again. I was however devastated when little Joey Allen followed Brenda to the place where you need to nail everything down and maybe that was a much needed lesson for me to.
and I take nothing away from him there, if he was still here then I’d be more than happy with him as our first choice left back for years but he was far from our best player.
I thought he had a poor season last term. Certainly far worse than his debut season. His positioning defensively was very poor at times and he did seem lost and defensively naïve regularly, looking quite clumsy and I think I’m now distanced from the ‘people’ involved with a almost a bit big, solid and slow to turn for a full back. football club (not quite in fairness, I would still cry like a baby if anything bad ever came out about our beloved Going forward, he got worse as the season went on. He Huw) and so I feel nothing in reality when players leave. has a knack of cutting inside in the final third as against overlapping the winger. This can be great but it can also In many ways, Ben Davies should be seen as more of a make a side look very narrow, especially on the occasions hero than Joe Allen. What he achieved in his first season when Pablo played in front of him. with us will be remembered by all of us until we become senile and swear to god that Cardiff were once a Premier He is a Premiership player in my opinion and one who we League team. It was incredible. To throw someone with no should be proud of. Is he a top Premiership player? Not in experience into the most watched league in the world for my opinion. I actually think that he’s going to struggle to a whole season was almost cement a position I don’t think that he is unique in modern times. the perfect blend for a full back. I don’t think that he has the brain for a centre He is clearly a Jack and will be back and I don’t think that he is good remembered as one, he has left enough to play in the midfield. Being on good terms and I expect good at football doesn’t always make that we will see him back here you a good footballer if that makes any one day (sooner rather than sense. later in my humble opinion). If I am brutally honest (and I Time will tell and a massive part of me might be proved to be an idiot wishes that I am wrong because I would again) I think we have played a love to see him achieve miracles and be blinder and sold him at the the next Gareth Bale but I would happily right time. bet a wager that he will be back at the Swans within two years. If we want him I don’t want to sound harsh back then that is. and I certainly don’t want to come across like sour grapes Having said all that, I do wish him the because he left but: how good best of luck. I know you love the mag. is he? Stop attacking people with tennis racquets! He did have a great first season
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W���� A�� T��� N��? Matty caught up with Martin ‘Psysco’ Thomas to see what he’s up to these days.
three years and I loved every minute of it. If I could turn back the clock then I wish I would have stayed a bit longer.
Are you still involved in the game and if so where? The answer is no I am not I am afraid, I don’t have any real involvement in football anymore. Apart from playing five a side with my work friends now and again but in terms of any real capacity or anything then I am not.
Who was the best player you played with in your career? When I was at Southampton when I was younger there were the likes of Le Tissier and Shearer there (before he got his move to Blackburn). You could just see what a player he was going to be, how big, strong, confident and mobile he was. He was a great player and le Tissier was just a genius, he was a player who did what you saw on a sataurday day in day out in training. All the goals and tricks he would do you would get that in training. It was so natural to him he was just a great natural talent.
Are you missing the sport? I do miss it, when I first finished playing I didn’t miss it at all but gradually over a period of time, I started yearning for it again and wishing I was playing. But I have never been a great follower of football as such. I don’t watch a great deal of football or support a team in any great depth. I just love playing really; My real passion was the actual playing side of things. What was your best moment for the Swans? Well obviously it has to be the West ham game, the whole scenario going up there for the first leg, the excitement of playing at their ground and not knowing what was going to go on and how we were going to perform. Then to draw up at their place and bring them back to Swansea was a great feeling for us. Also Winning the league, a whole season coming down to one game, going to Rotherham knowing what we had to do and coming away as champions.
Any funny stories from your time at the Swans? Probably a few funny stories that would get a few people in trouble, I think I should have been a bit more prepared for this interview shouldn’t I? Who was the longest in the shower? Probably longest doing his hair was Mickey Howard, and Tony Bird always brought a bag with him bigger than a kit bag for all his hair products and so on.
What was your worst moment for the Swans? Looking back now then probably leaving, maybe I should have stayed. That’s the down side of it but I had a great
Who was the best manager you ever played under? There was a coach when I was a kid at Southampton Dave
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W���� A�� T��� N��? Merrington, when I was an apprentice he was the youth team manager and he pretty much molded us or made us in to the players and as people. He went on to be Southampton manager for a while. Then there was Ian Branfoot a lot of fans didn’t like him at the time but he was my style of player and brought me on and believed in what I could do. Micky Adams at Fullham, he very much new what he wanted out of his players and was very professional as a manger. Was there ever a manger you played under that didn’t have a clue? There was a few at certain clubs that were going through the managers, who didn’t stay for very long. At the time you do question what there thinking is, every manager is slightly different in how they believe the game should be played or how training should be taken and things like that. A lot of managers have different quirks, it’s unfair to name people but everybody is different. You sit down and they are analyzing a game then the next thing your sat down and you are thinking: One, what is he going on about? and two is this ever going to work? Were you ever tempted to get in to management? No, I have never coached, I have never gone down that avenue. Its never appealed to me. Don’t ask me why but it’s never appealed to me. I always knew when I finished football it wouldn’t be for me but don’t ask me why.
player getting round the pitch putting in a tackles. Things like that, upsetting players but that was the name that I got from the Swansea supporters. Did you ever feel with a nickname like that if things where getting a bit physical that it was part of your job to get stuck in? Yes for sure, you feel some kind of responsibility. With our team you had Boundy and Jules as well. We had a great team and a great family that would look after one another. It was never just me, I had the nickname Psycho but if things got nasty or heated on the pitch you wanted to be involved to help look after each other. Has there ever been a time when you were in Tesco’s doing your shopping or something and someone is shouting down the aisle Psycho!? Yeah you do get it; I used to get it a lot as you say in Tesco’s or walking down the street. It’s a good feeling; I saw psycho as a positive in terms of a committed nickname. Not a nasty one or anything bad really, I saw it as a nickname where people recognized my commitment to a game of football really. So I thought it was nice that I got the acknowledgment off the pitch really. How do you think the swans are going to do this year? Your asking me another question about football ha ha, I don’t even know how saints are going to do and they are my local team. I always wish them well and I look out for their results but you’re asking the wrong man. It’s terrible really as an ex footballer but I don’t watch much
The nickname Psycho were did that come from? That was from the Swansea fans, I suppose (as I was) a committed
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football. I just hope they have a good successful season and play good football. From what I have seen of them they play good football and it’s onwards and upwards for them.
Do you get a chance to get back to Swansea much; I know you played in the charity match for the Swans recently do you play in many of the games? No I should do really, with work I should get the opportunity to get down more but I don’t. I always say to myself that I should get down and catch up with Boundy and Mickey Howard. I keep saying it but it is something I should do more is get down to Swansea because I do love the place. What do you miss most about being a professional footballer? Playing the game, I just loved playing the game. You can probably tell by the interview that I am detached from the game, Mickey Howard was a die hard Liverpool supporter, Jason Smith was a big villa fan and they would follow their team off the pitch and it was something I never got involved in too much. You would have to sit there and they would always talk about their clubs but for me it was always getting on that pitch and playing the game and being a fully committed footballer. Never the best but I always felt that I could get on to the field and give 100%. Being the kind of player you were, Did you ever get frustrated with certain players not putting the effort in around the football field? Of course you do but everybody is different, the one thing I always felt was that if you’re the most skillful player or your not you have to be totally committed to what you do and that’s the frustrating thing. When you have a team around you when there is someone who is not putting the effort in around you I think that is the least you can do as a
player. If you haven’t got that commitment in the tackle or chasing back and so on then that’s a very frustrating thing. There are a lot of players who have the ability but on the flip side don’t do the work and you think how much better they could be. But I think commitment should be a given everyone has two pairs of legs on a football field given 100% and trying your heart out should be a given. Do you keep in touch with many of the Swans players? As I have said a couple of times, I haven’t spoken to them for a little while but Matthew bound, Mickey Howard and Jules they are the ones I have most contact with. If I am ever in Swansea I stay at Matthew Bounds, I have known Matthew since we were about 13 years old and he was best man at my last wedding as well. I think football is different to what it was ten years ago with so much money in the game the sport seems to have moved on so much do you look at it and think you played at a good time? Football is different and I think possibly the players in the premiership are more distant, when I played we were more normal people playing football. We had a great family of footballers round us but we were just normal people trying our best. I think these days money is given to people on a plate and they are detached from the real world. The money you earn was never going to be there for ever when we were playing but now you have one good contract and your set up for life. We were just normal people who played for Swansea City football club who had a common interest in the team. I think that was our life and soul but I don’t think that camaraderie is there anymore in a lot of clubs as there was in my time at Swansea. A massive thanks to Martin Thomas. I think I speak for a lot of supporters when I say that he was one of my favorite players at his time with the club and we will never forget that West Ham goal. Masses of commitment!
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Ja�� Sw�� T��e�........ Is it me or has a drunk got into a position of power in Swansea Council?
and we do nothing with it’ and then geniuses from every pub have said what they would do with the sea front.
It is a British rule that we must slate ourselves whenever possible. We must moan about where we live and really curse at the lack of events and activities that our appalling councils provide us. I must admit though, I have struggled to curse too much this summer. Okay, we still have atrocious infrastructure, the bendy busses annoy the hell out of me whenever I see them and we all prey to different gods that a fire destroys High Street (not that we’d notice any difference) but I think the city has been pretty good this summer.
I am unaware of whether the person behind 360 Beach and Watersports centre is a drunk or not but they certainly would have got some ideas from the pub genius because it’s exactly what we have been calling for. A café right on the seafront, in the centre of Swansea beach, selling ice cream, good coffee, alcohol and doing good food. Now that’s not rocket science is it? That’s what every other seaside city has and we now have one too, how it took so long to arrive I have no idea but we now have one anyway.
Films being shown on the big screen in castle gardens, big inflatable balls on water which kids can get in on Oxford Street, Jazz festivals; these are the sorts of things which geniuses in pubs have been recommending for years. There have been numerous drunken conversations all around Swansea which have started ‘we got a stunning beach and sea
But it also offers a lot more. A volley ball court for hire and football goals is just what we want, with equipment included. Then throw in the things that they do in the evenings. Barbeque Thursdays, Tapas Tuesdays, this is great, and this is what we would do if we were in charge! They also offer some watersports (not that kind) such as kayaking, kite surfing and stand up paddle boarding (which is what I was going to try). I first saw this paddle boarding on a Countryfile type programme about
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Ja�� Sw�� T��e�........ Swansea (can’t remember the name) and is all the rage at Matt had told us that we had to go onto our feet pretty the moment, SUP seems to be the cool name for it and confidently and so I did. Just like that. No, seriously I did! I Swansea actually boasts the current British SUP Champion wobbled a bit, quite a lot in fact, I think I was just about to Matt from The SUP HUT swansea's Specialist SUP shop fall in when I had a (don’t know his scream from Matt second name but I behind me saying expect he has one: look forward and he didn’t look paddle. I did and it Brazilian) was our saved me from instructor. getting wet. The tide was in quite a bit when I got there which was nice. It’s a long bloody way to the sea when the tide is right out. There were 6 of us having a taster session of paddle boarding, 2 of which had been before. The boards were already ready for us by the sea and we were ready. We had our usual 5 minute talk about what is what, what to do and what not to do. I listened about as much as I ever do in these instances and then we were ready to go. The initial rush of getting onto the board (on your knees) and padding over the waves is great, it is quite comfortable on the knees, I was quite happy staying there but knew that I needed to stand up. I found myself ahead of the others and had no idea if they were already standing or not and wasn’t brave enough to look behind me even when I was only on my knees.
I found it really difficult to manoeuvre. I was going in totally different directions to the others. It did help when Matt pointed out that my ore was the wrong way round, although I was still pretty useless after that in fairness. It is hard to explain exactly what type of activity it is. It isn’t really a thrilling, dare devil type activity but it’s also not a relaxing, leisurely stroll. It kind of falls in between, it is really difficult to relax on it because staying still is actually more difficult than moving; as soon as you stop rowing, you are really struggling not to fall in as the board has the full effects of the waves. There were times where I felt pretty comfortable on there and were able to look around and appreciate the stunning
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Ja�� Sw�� T��e�........ view across Swansea. I must admit that I’m madly in love with our city at the moment, I was fortunate enough to see it from the sky last month and it looks every bit as impressive from the sea. It is quite strange how different the whole city looks when you are standing on a board 50 yards out at sea, it is a lovely experience.
Swansea beach into a potential day out without any planning. I am also looking forward to getting there of an evening without the kids. The Barbecue Thursdays sound right up my street, the drunken genius in the pub is saying that we need a camp fire and an acoustic guitar but we are never happy are we.
For £12.50 its well worth a go, one of the women who did it with us has done it a few times and is looking to get her own board (they don’t come cheap though). I must admit that I didn’t take to it that much and think that I would prefer a kayak but for £12.50 it is certainly worth finding out if it is something that you will really enjoy and do again and I certainly got my monies worth of entertainment out of it.
Check out their website at www.360swansea.co.uk
I personally think that it is just brilliant that we now have something like this in Swansea. I have been to the 360 café a few times with the kids and it turns
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Ja�� Sw�� eat� F�o�
I seem to be doing a bit of an eye on Cwmtwrch this issue. I don’t think that the village has ever had two articles in the same publication; there will be calls for mass investment into the infrastructure to cater for the new masses of people flooding up the valley. Having said that, many already do flood up this way for the very reason that I am about to talk about: The George. Now I never went to the original George, which itself had a decent reputation as a good food pub but it is also the home to a favourite pub story of mine.
Back in the day (a few decade ago I imagine), the George was split into three counties. The actual boundary line went through the pub twice and so there were three bars in three different counties. This was at a time when counties would regulate their own licensing and so the bell would go at a different time in each bar. How true this is or isn’t, I don’t know but I like the story anyway. The pub got renamed a couple of times over the last decade and at one point was even an Indian restaurant before Rob and Jayne bought the pub and brought its original name back, a slight bit of history for you there, not entirely sure how accurate it is but I tried. It does now have one of the best reputations in the area, so much so we were really lucky to squeeze ourselves in at 6pm, booking is definitely advices here. The reputation is of big food. It is renowned for it. If you leave here hungry then you have a serious problem….-
Supposedly.
Now I’m not really a ‘meat, meat, meat’ person. I want meat but I generally want it in something. I like a curry or a lasagne more than a slab of meat and chips; I’m not a big steak man. Having said this, it is horses for courses (are we safe to mention horses and steaks on the same page these days?) and it is good to try specialities. I could have had a chicken curry or I could have had a lasagne but that isn’t what the George is really about and what people talk about when they return from the George. The word that everyone leaves the George saying is ‘Ribs! A weirdo I may be but I don’t like ordering the same thing as the person I’m eating with. It probably is weird but then I’m pretty perfect in every other way so give me a break. So she opted for ribs which forced my hand into going for ‘Taste of the South for one’. A char grilled chicken burger, Cajun Chicken strips, BBQ Wings and sweet potatoe fries with a selection of dips. The chicken burger was alright. Nothing to write home about (or even to write in a magazine with tens
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of thousands of people reading it) but then I am starting to think that Chicken burgers aren’t that great anyway. You can’t get the same taste as with beef, I think that burgers are meant to be beef, there was an option of a beef burger instead of the chicken and I would suggest that. The rest was great and I somehow there were some ribs that sneaked on there as well and it was massive, a real test to get through but mission accomplished.
Recommendations: I can’t give any suggestions to the mains in reality. Mine was good food but I should have ordered the ribs and I would suggest them to everyone. I wanted more ice cream with my Sticky Toffee Pudding. I was also disappointed that the ale went off when I was there but I know that they usually have two on so I can just about forgive that. Service was outstanding, not too much I can suggest in reality.
The ribs, were something else though. 14 ribs. Each one covered in plenty of meat on both sides and layered in a sticky barbecue sauce. This was just a beautiful mess. Complimentary veg looked wonderful but this was just about the ribs.
I can see very few people complaining about this place. Food and drinks came to just over £40 for the two of us and it was brilliant value overall. There was no chance of eating anything else. Most of you would have probably been there by now as it is heaving every time I’m there which says everything about the place but a thumbs up from me.
I would never order ribs, it would never enter my mind to look at a menu and go for ribs but you must go to the George and order ribs (even if you are a weirdo and the person you go with orders them to – bad mistake). Rather sexily: all ribs were devoured. The service was bang on. Really friendly staff, nothing too snobby or pretentious and yet thoroughly professional and on the ball. It makes such a difference, so many of these really top food places become quite uncomfortable with an air of snobbery. It has a really nice feel to it and a waitress came over, took our massive and empty plates, offered us a dessert menu and we begrudgingly said that we would take a look. We both kindly, squeezed a desert in for the sake of this review. My lady friend thoroughly enjoyed hers but I must admit that I wasn’t too fussed. It was alright but not up to the quality of the ribs and I thought that it was a bit steep at nearly a fiver. I also thought that more ice cream wouldn’t have gone a miss, little things but I’m after perfection. This wasn’t my first time at the George since it had reopened and become the home of top food in the area. The carvery is as good as I have had, I like a carvery and I like a shed full of food on it and your talking half a massive plate filled with meat (all 4 meat options is possible) and then feel free to pile as much veg on the other half and on top as you can. It is a really cracking carvery. This was the first time that I had been here of an evening though and I must admit that I was impressed even though I kind of knew that I was going to be as everyone raves about the place.
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J��e� B� S��n�� People learn from history. Which is why you should always delete it. The other night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in the hospital's ICU, tubes up my nose & down my throat, wires monitoring every function & all around my head, hell of a pain over my left ear, and a gorgeous nurse hovering over me. It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident. She looked at me deep and steady and I heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." I managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?" Balotelli claimed if Italy win to keep England in the tournament the queen will need to kiss him. As he let England down does that mean he had to bend over for Prince Phillip? A woman goes to the hospital. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor. "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my Vagina." The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the sticker's off the bananas" Louis Suarez Leaves Liverpool "with a heavy heart"..... ....and a full stomach...Burp!!! My son has been asked to sign for his local team. To be honest, I never knew they were deaf. The teacher asked Jimmy,.. Jimmy why have you brought your cat to school today, little Jimmy who is crying, said, I heard my Dad say to my Mum,"I'm going to eat that pussy as soon as Jimmy goes to school today". A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time. He says, "This is Amanda." His dad jumps up. "It's a blooming what?" My mate with a stutter has been sent to prison. He should look on the bright side. It could be the first time he completes a sentence.
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My girlfriend just said to me, "Did you know, butterflies only live for two days?" I said, "Honey, I think that's a myth." She said, "No, it's definitely a butterfly." Scientists who were against genetic engineering have managed to cross a seagull with a sheep, which is a massive ewe tern. "If you win the lottery, the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job," said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket. "Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo," I replied. "Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, You might as well get yourself a new one," she said. "My point exactly." If FIFA carry on in this style: Russia 2018, Qatar 2022, Iran 2026, North Korea 2030, Hell 2034, Cardiff 2038. The other day I found an Action Man doll on my doorstep. That was followed the next day by a model car. This morning there was a Barbie. I think someone toying with me. On average, British couples have sex four to five times a week. whereas Japanese couples have sex only once a month. This is upsetting news as I had no idea I was Japanese I was having sex with a bird last night when she said, "Do you think I'm tight?" "Yes." I panted, "You're the tightest I've ever had." "You really think so?" She gushed. "Yes." I replied, "None of the other women I've been with wore Primark knickers." I have always wanted to be a gynaecologist. Apart from the obvious benefits it'd be great to introduce myself each time to my patients as "Dr Johnson at your cervix..."
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Matty speaks to the legend that is Jack Swan.
What stands out as the most memorable swans game you have been to? You really asking that question? Does anyone actually not say the Hull game? inventive Matty, very good question. It is obviously the Hull game. You cant build that feeling, you can't buy it. The whole day, the weeks and months that led up to it and then the game itself was just unbelievable. I remember turning around in anger when James Thomas lobbed the keeper as I thought he'd screwed it up, Turned around and faced the North bank and then everyone cheered. I find it funny when people have a go at plastic fans. I personally feel sorry for them. They will never get it totally. They will never fully appreciate the now. That is not having a go at them, it is simply a fact. Don't be jealous of the 'plastic fans', they are the ones who missed out! Who was the best player you have ever seen in a swans shirt? Best player is a hard one in a way and yet very easy at the same time. Lee trundle could do things within a match at the level that he played at which was far superior to anyone else I suppose. The current crop are clearly outstanding. Bony looks a different class, Michu the season before last was inspirational and we are lucky to have an extra look at Siggy, those three players bhave stood out in the Premier league years I suppose. Having
said all that, there is just one player who has delivered season after season and that is Leon. He is as important today as he was 3 years ago, 6 years ago and 10 years ago. He is our engine, he keeps us ticking, he is desperately missed when not there, Laudrup was an idiot for not realising his talents and recent England managers are too. He is a massive reason to why we are here in the Premier league today. Would we be here without him? I would say no and I would happily have a few drinks and explain exactly why I think that but it would take a few hours. Leon Britton for me though, without doubt. Start building the statue!
Who was the most frustrating? Pablo Hernandez. End of. Wonderfully gifted footballer with a seemingly genius football mind that seems to lose transmission now and then and just blows up. what is the best chant you have ever heard at a swans game? The best chant. There have been a few. Some of the ones against Brighton always made me laugh, 'I can see you holding hands' was a great one. I always enjoyed playing the Bristol clubs and Yeovil for the old 'I can't read' chant, I enjoyed singing in the farmer accent there. Bizarrely though, the one that always stays with me was singing 'he's got a pineapple on his head' to some boy Farrell for Peterborough. For some reason, he really annoyed the North bank that day and he had bleached blonde hair
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and he got some real jip for it and that chant sticks with me.
What do you think of the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?
What do you think of the appointment of Monk as the Ridiculous. Lack of cars and accessibility to town centres It doesn’t seem too long ago that we paid a monster £35,000 for Paul Connor which always springs to my mind every manger? are what are killing them and why out of town complexes time we break the bank again. We had a great return from that sum and his goals and performances went a long way in are taking over. It doesn't make any sense. I totally Right man, right job, right time. I think that there are very understand that cars and people don't get on but neither few managers that can do what an Alex Ferguson done. I do people and shopping without cars. We don’t want to think he had everything and he had the resources and carry shopping any distance. It is ridiculous. You wasn’t knowhow to bring in people to do any bits that he expecting a proper answer there were you? possibly wasn't brilliant at. I think that most clubs need to Have you got any funny have a few managers over a period of time with different I totally agree, no it was a serious question. People stories from your time at skills in order to progress and we have chosen the right need access to Dixons. That is important to remember. I would say anything to do man at the right time on each occasion over the last You have brought in a new section for the magazine with Trunds really, decade. called ‘Jack Swan Tries’, for those who didn’t read thewe were last issue (like myself) explain what this is about, what Holland and Trunds got up Laudrup was a great scout but a poor organiser in my is Jack swan tries? and done a little stand up opinion. He left the club with the greatest squad that we show in the hotel we were have ever assembled and yet we had no idea how to How the hell do you know about it if you didn't read it? half an staying at for about shape up. The way we set up in his final game against You may like to pretend that Jack Swan magazine isn't a West Ham was atrocious, school boy tactics. It doesn’t major part of your life but then you come back from an matter how good your players are, if you get your tactics ex-Swans players wedding boasting about how everyone Who the longest that badly wrong, you will lose every was pawing over youwas because you in time. We didn't need another Laudrp were 'Matty from Jack Swan', you after him. We didn't want someone read every sentence in every issue who had great contacts and could and we both know it. bring in new players. We wanted someone who could organise the Jack Swan tries, is to be the best great players we already had and I thing this city had. IItknow is some way they play football they willhas beever up there. think that Garry is the right man for going to rejuvenate the entire city that. He is professional, he made the and kick us all into sorting our lives most out of limited abilities as a out and actually doing something player and I think he's done a great instead of sitting on the sofa When you signed for the swans I job. Will he still be here in three years watching people with an equally time? I very much doubt that he will depressing life.we Basically, I am for going player had signed about but I think that it is unlikely that any to try something month that two years,every was that something manager will spend longer than three is available andpersonally write about thatlocally you were aware C years here for the foreseeable future. it. I went up in a plane over M Swansea last issue, I fancy doing all
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because of the size of the club. Swansea are a big club and have got the fan base, they were struggling when I arrived in league 2 at the time but when I got there I couldn’t believe the fan base.
Matty: Well John Cornforth said when he’s in the bedroom with Jane he has a beard then.
so who? I speak with Tatey and Roberto quite a bit still.
trying to make sense of his questions. Matty says he was a top bloke and he was a great player for us.
P.c We’ll go for that then
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sorts, there are loads of activities available locally. We live by the sea for god sake. I will be samba dancing one month and scuba diving the next and will talk all of Swansea into trying it too. Give it 5 years and I will get an OBE for services to the leisure industry in Swansea and a future knighthood for making Swansea active. That is how big Jack Swan tries will become. A friend of mine today (Huw Kealy,) asked why do crows sit on electric wires, they could sit anywhere why there? Do you have a answer for him? It is a very good question. He is a wise man that Huw Kealy. First of all, do they sit? I don't think they do. I think they perch, which is very different. In reality, where would you rather perch? A wire would be smoother and feel more stable than a branch. You would probably feel safer in it too as you would generally have a good panoramic view as against being inside a tree with limited sight. Plus it rhymes far better with 'a drunk in a midnight choir' than a branch. Please send an email in if you get that! A bit of word association, just say the first thing that comes in to your head...... Craig Bellamy, *** Vincent Tan Comic Huw Jenkings Legend Tony petty Loser Roberto Martinez Judas The vetch Home
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Issue #23 FREE
Was you happy to see scum get relegated? I was yeah. I couldn't really care that much to be honest but I was happy for them to go down. I don't enjoy the derby, I hate it in fact, I find the fear of losing outweighs the joy of winning. I like what Geraint Evans wrote here a few months ago and are starting to feel like that. Are they Cardiff? Is there anything left of them that is still them and if not, do we still hate them? They are a joke, I am almost at the stage where I feel sorry for them and then I need to remind myself that when our club was under threat, we got together and saved it. They just took the good, sold the club, sold the soul and moaned about it now and then. They are a joke, an embarrassment to football and to Wales. The less publicity they get the better really so yeah, I was glad that they went down.
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What is the best article that has been in jack swan? Great question Matty: about time. Well I'm a bit biased
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W���� ��� ���� n��? but there have been a number that I think have been worthy of some sort of international journalism award. Simon Robbins who has sadly retired, has regularly contributed brilliantly, his article on Vorm in a lighthouse will go down in history I think. The one I mentioned about Cardiff by Geraint Evans would probably be my favourite though, I thought that was really well written, entertaining and a point which I hadn't thought of. Interview wise, Mel Nurse was an unbelievable interview, what a bloke, just an honour to speak to him. Good question Matty, well done.
young age. That effects a lot of people and is difficult to deal with. I hope that its just a rumour but if it is true then I hope people can get around him and support him because nobody wants to see him go back to where he was last time. Least of all the poor lambs on Banwen farm. I guess they will be fully grown sheep now, the ones that got through the trauma anyway.
Thank you jack Swan i thought really hard on that one. what was the worse article?
When you sort one out! I’d love to get an interview with Mr PFA sorted. He played a massive part in our survival as a club and it would be great to get the chance to speak to him. There are many people who I would still like to get an interview with, but he is definitely one of them. It is hard to get hold of some people, others are easy to get hold of but aren’t too keen to part with their time and we have to go through the club for others and generally hit a brick wall which is frustrating.
A lot more spring to mind with that one. The one that cracks me up was actually a decent article in my opinion. It was about the stupidity of racism and that you must be an idiot if you are racist. Sadly the heading was misspelt so it read ‘I have been around the world and found that only stupid people are breading’ (not breeding). I got some interesting comments about that. We have had a few though, generally, I think that it has all improved though. I think. I have heard rumours that AW10 has fallen of the wagon again and is in rehab. Do you know anything about this? I heard the rumours as well but nothing more. Look, AW10 is a fantastic bloke, a real Swans fan and lets not forget that he made ridiculous amounts of money at a
When are you going to get an interview lined up for jack swan magazine for the legend that is Nick Cusack?
More Swans fans read any issue of Jack Swan than any issue of a daily national newspaper and so it is frustrating when you see a Swans player having a big interview in the Sunday Times when more fans would see it in this magazine but we just get on with it and find other ways. As we enter the forth season of Jack Swan magazine. What are you most proud of? Good question Matty, 2 out of 20 isn’t bad for you. To be totally honest with you, I am really proud
of the magazine and how it has developed. It started as a Massive thanks to me for putting up with Matty….. crazy idea in the pub. I spoke with a load of people who know. told me that it will never work, the idea of a ‘free Swans magazine’ was totally new. We managed to get the first one out there, people liked some bits of it, not others and we developed it, changed it and it has become a really popular magazine within the city. Last season we 11 MAZDA 2 1.6 DIESEL SPORT, 5DR,SILVER,ALLOYS,PAS,R/C/L,FSH,28K ££7,995 8,495 57 FORD GALAXY 1.8crazy. TDCi(125) doubled in size. That’s Went from a ZETEC,GREY,PAS,ALLOYS,A/C,C/L,S/H,79K 32 page 10 AUDI FORD FIESTA TDCi 54K,S/H £7,495 £ 7,495 magazine to a 64 page. 06 A3 2.0TDi DSGZETEC,5 S LINE, DR,BLACK,ALLOYS,PAS,R/C/L,A/C, 3DR,BLACK,18” ALLOYS,H/LTHR,FSH,88K
09 VW POLO 1.4 TDi MATCH, 5 DR,SILVER,PAS,ALLOYS,C/L,E/W,56K,FSH
£ 5,995
08 VW SKODA FABIA 2 1.4 SE,SILVER,ALLOYS,PAS,R/C/L,A/C,FSH,133K,MOT TDi 80, GREY,PAS,ALLOYS,R/C/L,FSH,47K,MOT/TAX ££4,995 5,195 08 PASSAT 2.0TDi In terms of SPORT what I am most proud of, it is probably the 54 BMW 318Ci CONVERTIBLE,AUTO,BLACK,ALLOYS,FSH,74K ONLY£ 5,495 10 MITSUBISHI VAUXHALL MERIVA 1.6 16v, DESIGN,GREY,A/C, FSH, 43K,LONG MOT £ 4,995 54 L200 D/CAB PICK UP,BLACK,PAS,ALLOYS,LTHR,117K,FSH £4,995 amount of different people who like the magazine. I 08 VW PASSAT 2.0TDi SE,SILVER,ALLOYS,PAS,R/C/L,A/C,FSH,133K,MOT £ 4,995 06 5SWIFT 2.0 TS,GL, GREY, PAS,R/C/L,E/W, ,46ONLY MPG thought that itTD would appeal young blokes and that7 SEATS,84K,FSH 09MAZDA SUZUKI 1.3 5 to DR,SILVER, PAS,R/C/L,E/W,FSH, 20K ££4,695 4,995 was it basically but it is enjoyed by men and women of all 54 MERCEDES C220 CDi, BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,A/C,H/LTHR,FSH,106K 05 GOLF RAV4 1.9BENZ TDi SE, GREY,PAS,ALLOYS,R/C/L,E/W,72K, FSH,MOT 61K MAY £££4,495 4,995 53VW TOYOTA D-4D,XT3,5DR,GREY/SILVER,PAS,ALLOYS,A/C,FSH, 4,995 ages and backgrounds and I think that would be what I 06 RENAULT MEGANE 1.6 CABRIOLET,SILVER,PAS,ALLOYS,C/L,E/W,49K £3,995 05MAZDA LANDROVER FREELANDER TD4 HSE and AUTO,BLACK,ALLOYS,LTHR,126K 06 5 2.0 TD GREY, PAS,R/C/L,E/W, 7 SEATS,84K,FSH ,46 MPG £ £ 4,695 4,695 am most proud of.TS, Dropping off the magazines a 70 01 LANDROVER DISCOVERY TD5 XS,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,7 SEATS,122K year old woman asking ‘is that the new Jack Swan?’, I love 07 YPEUGEOT 207 1.4 SPORT, 5DR,ORANGE,ALLOYS,PAS,R/C/L,51K ONLY ££3,995 3,995 that. 08 CLIO1.31.2 EXPRESSION,3 DR,BLACK,PAS,ALLOYS,C/L,72K 07 RENAULT FIAT PANDA DIESEL, ORANGE,PAS,R/C/L, E/W,CD,64K,LOW TAX/INS ££3,695 2,995 07 SKODA SUPERB 2.0TDi ,BLUE,PAS,ALLOYS,E/W,A/C, 117K MOT FEB14 £3,495 53 LANDROVER What next forFREELANDER the magazine? TD4 KALAHARI,SILVER,ALLOYS,FSH, 115K £ 2,995 08 1.2 EXPRESSION,3 DR,BLACK,PAS,ALLOYS,C/L,72K 3,695 56 FORD KA CLIO 1.3i COLLECTION, BLACK,PAS,C/L,E/W,CD,39K,FSH,NEW MOT £££2,495 05RENAULT VAUXHALL CORSA 1.7CDTi SRi, 3DR,SILVER,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,E/W,109K 2,495 More of the same really. It3willDOOR,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,R/C/L,E/W,FSH, always be a Swans mag but 54 FORD FOCUS ST170, 113K £2,495 07 SUPERB 2.0TDi ,BLUE,PAS,ALLOYS,E/W,A/C, 117K NEW MOT MOT FEB14 ££ 2,495 3,295 05SKODA MAZDA 1.6i TS2, A/C,84K we are3branching intoSILVER,ALLOYS,PAS,R/C/L,E/W, more things. We know that we 54 CITROEN C3 1.4 LX, 5 DR,GREY, PAS,R/C/L,E/W, FSH,92K, NEW MOT £1,995 appeal to more than just Swans fans and so we do want 56 KA 1.3i COLLECTION, BLACK,PAS,C/L,E/W,CD,39K,FSH,NEW MOT ££ 2,295 2,495 54FORD FORD FOCUS ST170, 3 DR,MET.BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,R/C/L,FSH,114K,MOT 03 RENAULT 1.5 asDCi £20 TAX £1,995 to look atCLIO more things well.DYNAMIQUE,3DR,BLACK,ALLOYS,101K, We have launched the food 98 S MERCEDES BENZ SLK 230 KOMP, BLACK,PAS,ALLOYS,LTHR,106K £ 2,495 54 FORD ST170, 3 DYNAMIQUE,3DR,BLACK,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,107K,FSH DOOR,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,R/C/L,E/W,FSH, 113K ££1,795 2,495 bit,FOCUS launched the Jack Swan tries which I think could be 03 RENAULT CLIO 1.2 56RENAULT FORD KACLIO BLACK,PAS,C/L,E/W,CD,39K,FSH,NEW MOT £ 1,995 massive. I 1.3i wouldCOLLECTION, like to see a decent music section in the 1.5 DYNAMIQUE,3DR,BLACK,ALLOYS,101K, 1,995 03 SEATmagazine, AROSAwe1.0 S, DCi BLACK,ALLOYS,PAS,R/C/L,E/W, 79K,NEW MOT £20 TAX ££1,795 already deliver the magazine to basically 05 FORD FIESTA 1.2i STUDIO, 3 DR,SILVER,PAS,ALLOYS, 117K,LONG MOT £ 1,995 02 VAUXHALL CORSA 1.2around ELEGANCE,5 DR,RED,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,97K,MOT £1,695 every musicCORSA venue in and Swansea andDR,RED,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,97K,MOT so it 02 VAUXHALL 1.2 ELEGANCE,5 £ 1,495 52 VOLKSWAGEN POLOplace 1.2toSadvertise 55, 3 DR,SILVER, PAS,C/L,69K,MOT DEC 14 £ 1,795 seems like the obvious gigs and 04 VW CADDY SDi VAN, WHITE, PAS,C/L,E/W, 110K, MOT FEB 14,TAX JAN £1,695 52 1.6i DYNAMIQUE,3DR,BLACK,PAS,134K,RECON ENGINE ££ 1,495 1,395 anythingCLIO music 53RENAULT CITROEN C2 1.4related. FURIO MAR 03 CITROEN DISPATCH 1.9DSENSODRIVE,BLACK,PAS,R/C/L,90K,MOT VAN,WHITE,PAS, 6 DOORS,130K,MOT FEB 14 15 £1,695 54 FOCUS TDi SOFT ESTATE,WHITE,PAS,ALLOYS,E/W,C/L,167K,MOT FEB £ 1,495 1,295 52FORD SMART PASSION TOUCH AUTO,RED/BLACK,PAS,ALLOYS,C/L, 72K ££1,395 52 RENAULT CLIO 1.6i that DYNAMIQUE,3DR,BLACK,PAS,134K,RECON ENGINE It is massively important we keep all our current 04PEUGEOT RENAULT CLIO 1.2i EXPRESSION,3 02 206 1.6 XSi,3 DR,BLUE,17” ALLOYS,PAS,CL,136K,NEW MOT ££1,295 £ 1,295 1,195 Swans and football content in the magazine DR,MET.BLUE,PAS,C/L,E/W,132K and to make 54 FORD FOCUS TDi ESTATE,WHITE,PAS,ALLOYS,E/W,C/L,167K,MOT FEB sure that anything new is as wellSE,SILVER,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,123K,MOT as and not instead of but 52 ROVER 75 CDTi CLASSIC APR 15£ 1,295 02 PEUGEOT 206 DR,BLUE,17” MOT£30 £1,195 51 RENAULT CLIO1.6 1.5XSi,3 DCi, 5 DR,GREEN, ALLOYS,PAS,CL,136K,NEW PAS,C/L,E/W,131K,MOT/TAX £ 1,195 we will do that anyway. 52RENAULT RENAULTCLIO CLIO1.5 1.6i DYNAMIQUE,3DR,BLACK,PAS,134K,RECON ££1,195 1,195 51 DCi, 5 DR,GREEN, PAS,C/L,E/W,131K,MOT/TAX ENGINE £30 54 FORD FOCUS 171K,MOT FEB 15 £ 1,195 I think the toneTDi of theESTATE,WHITE,PAS,ALLOYS,E/W, mag is what people really like, if we BARGAcan IN keep that tone and move it into other areas of BASEMENT: B06 ARFORD GAIN KA 1.3 STYLE, PURPLE,PAS,S/HISTORY, MOT SEPT 14,108K BASE£M1,195 ENT: interest then we can make something really special. 06 1.3i PURPLE,PAS, RADIO/CD, MOT SEPT 2014,108K 995 04 MG ZSKA 1.6 4 STYLE, DOOR,MET.GREEN,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,CD,S/H,71K,NEW MOT £995 51FORD RENAULT CLIO DCi EXPRESSION,5 DR,GREEN,PAS,R/C/L,MOT/TAX 2015 £ £ 1,195 MEGANE 1.6i CLASSIC, 44 DR,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,87K,MOT 995 51 RENAULT MEGANE 1.6i1.9 CLASSIC, DR,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,87K,MOT 03RENAULT VOLKSWAGEN CADDY SDi VAN,WHITE,PAS, C/L,E/W, NEW MOT £ ££995 1,195 01 Y FORD FOCUS 1.8 ZETEC, MET.RED, PAS,ALLOYS,R/C/L,115K,MOT/TAX £995 01 Y FORD FOCUS 1.8 ZETEC, MET.RED, PAS,ALLOYS,R/C/L,115K,MOT/TAX £ 995 00 W JAGUAR S TYPE 3.0 V6 AUTO,SILVER,PAS,ALLOYS,97K,MOT OCT 2014 £995 BARGAIN BASEMENT: 99 T FORD FOCUS 1.8 ZETEC, 5 DR,BLACK,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,109K,NEW MOT £ 795 98 S SAAB 93 CONVERTIBLE AUTO,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,LTHR,115K.MOT JULY £495 03 FIAT PUNTO 1.2 MIA, 3 DOOR, BLACK,PAS, 103K, MOT/TAX MARCH 15 £ 795 03 ROVER 45C70 1.4 IMPRESSION, 5DR,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,88K,MOT JAN 14 ££695 695 99 2.5 RED, GS T,ALLOYS,PAS, BLACK,PAS,ALLOYS,C/L,E/W,124K,MOT 14 00VWVOLVO FORD KA 1.3i 63K,MOT MARCH 15/TAX FEB SEPT £ 695 99 VROVER VOLVO45C70 GS T, BLACK,PAS,ALLOYS,C/L,E/W,124K,MOT 695 03 1.42.5 IMPRESSION, 5 BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,E/W,NEW DR,BLUE,ALLOYS,PAS,C/L,88K,MOTFEB JAN1414 £££695 99 T VAUXHALL ASTRA 2.0Di CD, MOT 550 95 NWVOLVO TOYOTA CELICA 2.0 LX GT,DIESEL, RED,ALLOYS,PAS, C/L,E/W, MOT MAY FEB14 2014 £250 95 850 2.0 AUTO ESTATE, BLUE,PAS,C/L,E/W,MOT 295 00M PEUGEOT 206 GLT 1.9 3 DR,GREEN,PAS,ALLOYS,MOT JAN 15 ££ 495
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of the magazine and how it has developed. It started as a Massive thanks to me for putting up with Matty….. You crazy idea in the pub. I spoke with a load of people who know. told me that it will never work, the idea of a ‘free Swans magazine’ was totally new. We managed to get the first one out there, people liked some bits of it, not others and we developed it, changed it and it has become a really popular magazine within the city. Last season we doubled in size. That’s crazy. Went from a 32 page magazine to a 64 page. In terms of what I am most proud of, it is probably the amount of different people who like the magazine. I thought that it would appeal to young blokes and that was it basically but it is enjoyed by men and women of all ages and backgrounds and I think that would be what I am most proud of. Dropping off the magazines and a 70 year old woman asking ‘is that the new Jack Swan?’, I love that. What next for the magazine? More of the same really. It will always be a Swans mag but we are branching into more things. We know that we appeal to more than just Swans fans and so we do want to look at more things as well. We have launched the food bit, launched the Jack Swan tries which I think could be massive. I would like to see a decent music section in the magazine, we already deliver the magazine to basically every music venue in and around Swansea and so it seems like the obvious place to advertise gigs and anything music related. It is massively important that we keep all our current Swans and football content in the magazine and to make sure that anything new is as well as and not instead of but we will do that anyway. I think the tone of the mag is what people really like, if we can keep that tone and move it into other areas of interest then we can make something really special.
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Top Left, Liam Flew batting out of his league with Lydia. Put a ring on her finger boy!! :P Above: Steve Poole with the new kit. Still not sure on it myself. Top Right: Swansea City’s player of the year 02/03 has a make over. Bottom Left: Malcolm Rees with the greatest Englishman to never play for England. Right: I think Magaluf might have caught up with the stag.
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A Pl�� B a� Las�? Versatility within a team is brilliant. Claudio Ranieri got labelled the ‘Tinker man’ for his addiction to switching players from game to game but ‘The Special One’ himself is a real genius at it during games. His Chelsea side is built to be able to switch formations numerous times during a game, sending players wider, narrower, pushing them up or back depending on exactly how Jose feels at that moment. That is all well and good and we have been preying for a ‘Plan B’ for a number of seasons now but it is vitally important to get ‘Plan A’ as effective as possible first. But what is our first plan of action going to be this season? I wrote in the last issue that it looks like we will be playing a 4-4-2 formation this season but will this be Plan A? Will this be how we set up at Old Trafford? People keep telling me that we will be playing ‘horses for courses’ and we may play 4-5-1 in some games and 4-4-2 in others but I don’t think this will end up being the case, it might be our plan but it is very rare for a side to do this for any length of time. Eventually, a team find a formation which fits the team better, gets winning results and they stay with that when things are going well, regardless of who they are playing. What is also common is that a player forces themselves into a starting line up and forces a formation change. Daniel Stuurridge gave Brendan massive headaches last season and the season before that. It was obvious that our former manager really didn’t want to play with 2 up top but simply couldn’t leave him or Hannibal Lecter out. This will inevitably be the case with us this season should Gomis fire early on. So how versatile are we? How is our squad currently prepared for the different options? Our goalkeepers and back 4 will be the same regardless I think. And we are looking OK in terms of numbers although I wouldn’t say no to at least one more full back, potentially one on each flank. I’m really not fussed on Tiendalli and know nothing of Kinsley and there are no certainties about Taylor or Rangel to be too honest.
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CB Williams Amat
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A Pl�� B a� Las�?
H�� �� c��l� �e� �� �� � 4-4-2 DM Leon Ki CM Jonjo Fulton
RW Siggy Dyer
CF Bony Donnely
LW Routledge Montero
AM Gomis Emnes
Our 4-4-2 formation is probably the way to get our best eleven players on the pitch at the same time. We are clearly lacking at least one striker if we were to try and play this way for much of the season and I do expect to see someone come in in the coming weeks to fill this potential void. I personally think that this will be the formation that we will play for most of the season. We might not start with it but I don’t believe that we have signed Gomis to start on the bench and I would be disappointed if he had signed to be happy to sit there. Siggy won’t be too keen at playing out wide. There may be times where we play Siggy in the middle and drop Jonjo but I think Leon, Jonjo & Siggy will generally be regulars and playing in the places which I have put them in above: leaving one spot for our three genuine wingers to fight for.
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A Pl�� B a� Las�?
H�� �� c��l� �e� �� �� � 4-5-1 DM Leon Ki
RW Dyer Pablo?
CM Jonjo Fulton AM Siggy Emnes
LW Routledge Montero
CF Bony Gomis I really believe that the majority of our players would prefer to play our usual 4-5-1 formation. The midfield is more solid and it allows Jonjo to be a bit more adventurous. It also gives slightly less defensive worries onto our wingers. The major advantage to this formation though is Gylfi. Playing in the whole behind the striker is the best way to get the best out of our Icelandic genius. The obvious disadvantage is that it leaves out Gomis who we assume is going to become one of our best players. For me though, this is our best system. I would love us to continue to play this way and to tell our two strikers to ‘fight it out’. It is one hell of a brave call if Monk can start and continue to play only one of Bony and Gomis and I very much doubt he (or the vast majority of managers) will be able to do this. Time will tell, it could still be that Bony is on his way and all will become clear but at present, we certainly do have a plan B!!!! problem is, do we know what plan A is?
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Pic���� Q��� Usual picture quiz this issue. As easy as ever :P
1)
Send your answers into us and we’ll print your name in the next issues (should you get them right) Send answers to 07779 499881 – number has changed by the way, to those of you who send them in every issue and have my number saved in your phone!
2)
3)
4)
There is a link with all 5, easily worked out. I expect a few of you to get them right this issue.
5)
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Nelson at Trafalgar 2014 Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy." Hardy: "Aye, aye sir." Nelson: "Hold on, this isn't what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?" Hardy: "Sorry sir?" Nelson (reading aloud): " England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledygook is this for God's sake?" Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting " England " past the censors, lest it be considered racist." Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco." Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments." Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle." Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking." Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it full speed ahead." Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water." Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please." Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir." Nelson: "What?" Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected." Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy." Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck, Admiral." Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd." Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled." Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise
to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card." Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is underrepresented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency." Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons." Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt haven't you seen the adverts?" Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy." Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral." Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!" Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks." Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?" Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not." Nelson: "We're not?" Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation." Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil." Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report." Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King." Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life." Nelson: "Don't tell me - Health and Safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?" Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu and there's a ban on corporal punishment." Nelson: "What about sodomy?" Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir. Nelson: "In that case................... Kiss me, Hardy."
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I introduced my new girlfriend to my family last night. "This is my dad Roger," I said, "And this is my twin brother Dave." "Nice to meet you," she smiled, "Who's the oldest?" I said, "My dad."
I've just been for a haircut, "It looks like you're losing your hair, mate!" the barber said, cockily. "Well get a blooming move on then!" I replied. My wife accidently got some of the new Manfred Mann endorsed low alcohol lager in her eye. She was blinded by the Lite. New exclusive hotel and casino for people who have epilepsy opening in Cardiff. Its called Seizure's Palace. I'd like to have a Pi-some; it's much like a threesome, but goes on forever. A couple from a circus go to an adoption agency, but social workers are doubtful about their accommodation. So they produce photos of their 15 metre long caravan, the back half of which is a beautifully equipped nursery.
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The social workers then are doubtful about the education that would be provided. "We've employed an Oxford don who'll teach the child all the subjects along with Mandarin and ICT skills". There are then doubts expressed about the child’s healthy upbringing. "Our full time nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet", they reply. So the social workers are finally satisfied, and ask what age of child they were looking for. "It doesn't really matter", they say, "as long as he fits in the cannon".
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"I don't think that's good business. To survive in the Premier League you must keep your best players.
"Ben Davies has got all the attributes to be a great player, his best days are ahead of him." The words of Mickey Thomas, who is concerned that Swansea City are becoming a ‘selling club’. What planet is he on? It is almost as ridiculous as when Wales Online asked if Bony and Gomis is the best strike force in the Premier League. There are two clubs in the world that are historically not a selling club and that are always able to hang onto their prize assets. We are not quite Barcelona or Real Madrid. Every single club in football is a ‘selling club’ with the exception of the top two Spanish clubs and a hand full of sugar daddy clubs (until they get bored). The top players will always be poached by bigger and more attractive clubs who are able to pay more money: that is the name of the game. Spurs become a buying club to our stars and become a ‘selling club’ as soon as Real Madrid wants Modric or Bale.
The nature of the game is to sell well, and to buy and replace as well as can be and history has shown that our club has clearly done this under the stewardship of Sir Huw. Is Danny Graham, Scott Sinclair or Joe Allen worth more than what we sold them for? Not a hope in hell. We sell well, we sell players at top prices and buy players at reasonable prices, that is very good business. It isn’t a new Swansea phenomenon, we are now just doing it with bigger numbers. We sold Lee Trundle and Jason Scotland for inflated prices. Sam Rickets would probably be the last player who we sold for what has proved to be a fair price. I really can’t get my head around what Micky Thomas is thinking when he speaks. Siggy or Davies? It’s a no brainer. Another great bit of business by the club. I think that Micky Thomas and Robbie Savage might be eating humble pie once again this season. I’m extremely optimistic at this point. An old friend regularly said ‘softly, softly catch a monkey’. Technically, if we can continue to increase the figures that we play with in this market every year, and continue to win, will we ever catch the big boys?
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It had been over a quarter of a centaury since I had last been at (what was then) Taffy’s Tash. I believe that I had changed slightly in that time, probably slightly more so than the grounds. For anyone who never went to Taffy Tash, it was regarded as one of the prime music spots in Wales and Mike Stephens (who has changed less so over this time) is still the man with the plan. But the old Taffys Tash pub burnt down 21 years ago and with no pub, all concentrations and efforts have gone solely on the festival grounds, which is very rare but it has really pulled off. The grounds hugs the river for about half of a mile (guesitmate while walking after a few beers), with different nicks and knacks every few strides. A couple of Tipi’s along the way, a couple of music stages, one outside – one under shelter, tents and campervans with people staying in, decent toilets (makes a change) and usual hippy and festival thingamajigs. There was also a food stall and it was good, really good in terms of festival standards and exceptional in terms of festival pricing. The ale (which is brewed very locally in
Ynstragynlais) was £2.50 a pop which is brilliant in today’s money and the day was a tenna to get in. In terms of value for money, I thought it was a real cracking day out. The natural scenery is absolutely stunning and it is with this natural resources that much of the sites ammenities are made with. The road is a stones throw away and yet you are seemingly in the middle of absolute nowhere. One of those retreat type places. Mike is well known in the music industry and really knows the music industry. Any event that will be put on here will have quality musicians, that can be guaranteed and I think the venue is outstanding. The sun shone, it might have had a different feel if it hadn’t but it seemed well catered for rain as well. I live quarter of an hour away from Cwmtwrch and I am certain that I will be back here within the next quarter of a centaury and can actually see myself becoming a regular and getting to most of their events. Well worth a look to see what is on.
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