Issue 41 by Jack Swan

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Editorial Ayew Serious? Tates Tales Do You Remember The First Time? Ronnie Rees Swans Eleven Fantasy Football Chris Carra The Top 2 Inches Picture Quiz Jokes By Spense Mel’s Memories Pictures Of The Month Bev Rock Art More From Spense Vital Information What the fans Think Mind Puzzles Wanna-be-pro Golfer

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So Brendan has the boot. Harsh? Maybe but he has spent an awful lot of money and they aren’t very good; not a great combination for a manager in fairness. He has clearly suffered from his initial success; he was manager of the year two seasons ago and nearly won a league which would have gone down as the greatest managerial win in Premier League history. The key to keeping your job is to do okay, nothing too special as this raises the bar to unrealistic levels!! The bar was raised and he failed and he’s now deemed as a bad manager and that is football, his next job will be one to rebuild his reputation which is now in tatters. That is Liverpool and that is our old gaffa but what about us and now. Well this time last month, we had the best manager in the world, we were fighting for the top 4 and had a plan B, C and D and Mr Monk knew how to use them all with ease! The bar was raised once again and it hasn’t quite gone to plan since then has it; it has been far from a good month in reality but at the same time, not too bad. Like with Liverpool, our expectations are high and rightfully so; we are a quality side and quality sides are expected to win football matches and play good football and we haven’t done either with any consistency over the last few matches.

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It is easy to get carried away with success and then equally as down with a blip but as blips go, I really don’t see this as anything too worrying in reality and I think there has been some who are panicking a bit early. The Watford game and result was poor but apart from that we have been playing very good sides and we aren’t going to win every match.

But expectation demands; we aren’t allowing ourselves to go four or five matches without a win, even if we are playing good sides. Expectation has killed off Brendans Liverpool career and you can already sense a section waiting to jump on Monk if this ‘blip’ isn’t sorted quickly. It is modern football and nobody is immune to it, it is great that we have high expectations, that we demand greatness but we do get a bit carried away at times. It is laughable but I can almost feel like there will be a bit of pressure on Monk should we fail to grab a win in October; crazy!!!! I think that the last international break came at a bad time for us, we were flying, in good mood and confident and the break seemed to stall our progress but I think it is fair to say that this little break will do us good. A chance to regroup and start afresh and reach the bar which we now demand; Champions League football next season or the manager should go!!!! This magazine keeps raising t he bar and demanding improvements and I’m chuffed to be able to say that I met up with Alan Tate a few weeks back and we have a regular feature with him in the magazine which starts in this issue. We have all the usual as well. I hope you enjoy.

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Tates Tales

A new feature for the magazine, I met up with Alan Tate to go through his time at the club and will post a different season each issue; here is what he said about the first impressions and season at the club: It is well known that you came to us from United and we can all imagine the difference between the two clubs back then but exactly how much of a shock was it? The first day I got here, I came from the academy which we’d only been at a year and a half or something and so it was state of the art, brand new and everything, multi million pound training complex, the first in the country really. I was sat outside in the Jacuzzi and Ryan Giggs came down and I thought that was unusual and he said Bryan Flynn wanted to talk to me upstairs. I was like ‘who is bryan Flynn?’ and he said he’s the Swansea manager. I jumped up and got changed and Giggsy took me upstairs and me and him both sat down with Flynn and he said that he had spoken to Alex and he wanted to take me on loan and I thought it was a great chance to play for a professional club and went for it. I went home, checked on sky sports where they were; bottom of the whole league by 6 points, I’m like ’f%cking hell, that’s a job like’. I arrive down there and the assistant manager Kev Reeves has put me in the Ramada Jarvis hotel with Matt Richards who lso joined that day, I met him that night. Next day he took me to training because I couldn’t drive at the time. Get to training and we arrive at the vetch, I think ‘where is the training ground?’ no training ground! Our first training session was at the Vetch, we finished and the boys said that we’d go out for dinner

now, I was like ‘alright’; we went to Tesco for an all day breakfast. I think it was me, Michael Howard, Kris O’Leary, Lee Jenkins, Mumf (Andrew Mumford) and so we all went over there for a full English which was massively different from United. So the facilities weren’t as good as you were used to but what about the players? I think it was harder playing in training with the lads there as against united. I grew up with the boys at united and made the transition through the ages and then I was playing against better players but not as physical. I think coming down it was a step up, more competitive, people were playing for their mortgages for their kids and different things like that and so I did find it more physical like that. I remember your early games for the club well and you looked like a player who came from United, there were a few occasions where you looked like you could easily run through their whole team and had a few moments where you did: Did you feel that you were better than that level?

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Probably yeah, I have always been confident in myself. I think the difference with United is that you get taught to play a lot more with the ball; you are encouraged as a centre half to get the ball and pass it forward and follow it forward and someone would fill in for you. I remember my first game against Scunthorpe, Kev Reeves said to a couple of the midfield lads ‘ look, he will want the ball and he will want it back’ and that always sticks out, it was just a part of the game I was used to at a footballing club. While we are on the subject of your first game; Mumf told me for this magazine that he remembers your first game and you coming to get the ball short off big Rog in goal and Rog turning to you and saying ‘F*ck off up there, you’re not playing for United now!’, did it take a while to realise that difference? Yeah, I dropped to the edge of the box and I asked for the ball and he just said ‘no, f*ck off upfield’, he just launched it over my head and then their big centre half would win the header and then we would and it was just ping pong. I don’t think there was much football being played in that league.

bit but on the whole I was still fairly confident, I was comfortable with the ball in the air, I could jump but I think mentally it was hard as you go from playing on a Thursday night in front of a few people in the reserves to going Saturday to Tuesday then Saturday to Tuesday and you do feel tired but more mentally tired. The more you get used to it you’re not thinking about it mentally. When did you fully commit yourself to the relegation scrap? Was there a moment where it took over? I imagine when you first turned up you were just playing football? Yeah, you are just playing football at the start before you get a feel for the club. It was probably Rushden and Diamonds away. We drew one all and they were flying at the time. We had a goal wrongly disallowed, then we scored first and they equalised and we were hanging on at the end and it was a good point and i remember all of us at the end; I think it was the moment where we felt that we could still stay up. So yeah, I’d say Rushden and Diamonds away which I think was about January time. I’m guessing that was the first feeling that you would

No point playing centre midfield there hey? just get a bad neck Aye, just watching tennis I’m guessing that there are different skills needed in different leagues and although you were technically superior perhaps you needed to improve your physical strength and maybe mental toughness too? Yeah, I think mentally it was harder than anything else. Physically, although i was 19 and still growing I felt pretty comfortable, obviously I’d get knocked about a

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Tates Tales

have had like that in your whole career? Yes definitely. I had a loan at Antwerp before that but again, that was just playing games. The first couple of months were the same, I was playing and getting used to games but Rushden and Diamonds was when I probably started getting my first feelings for the club. Do you remember the morning before the Hull game? At the time it would have been the biggest game of your career, as it was for every player really. Were you nervous? Not to start with, I got up, had breakfast, absolutely p*ssing down it was. Mam, dad and my girlfriend at the time were down and we were all staying in the flat the club got me down the marina. At about half tenish I basically kicked them out and said ‘look you do what you want to do’ and I watched Rocky 4, got my suit and that on, Micky Howard picked me up as he was living across the road from me; took me to ground, I remember getting to the ground and wondering if the game would be on as the weather was that bad. Me and Leon came out first, you knew straight away that there were more people in the ground than there had been all season and then once the game kicked off then all the nerves were gone but yeah, I would say that I was a bit nervous yeah. I think I have watched that game more than I have any other in my life, obviously going 1-0 up and then 2-1 down and then winning 4-2 but i wouldn’t say that there was a moment in the actual game where I felt too nervous. No? Did you feel like we were going to win?

Yeah I think I probably did, I think there was a feeling in the air that day that we would do it, there was a little worry when we were 2-1 down but I never thought that we wouldn’t do it. What angle did you have for James Thomas’s lob? I was right behind him, I was playing left side centre half and Coatsy won the ball in midfield and you could see that Tommo was through on goal and you could see what he was doing and I was just going ‘f%ck off Tommo, f$ck off!’and then as I’m shouting the second ‘F5ck off ’ it drops in and it changes to ecstasy. I did exactly the same, I turned away to the north bank in disgust and then saw them go up celebrating I imagine a lot of people did, I imagine there were a fair few f%ck offs in there! Honestly, did you think that was your last game for the club? Yeah of course yeah, obviously my loan was up, there was nothing more you could do then. I knew that Brian wanted me to stay but I was still ambitious myself and wanted to go back and see if I could get into the united team. So yeah I did think it would be my last game. A huge thanks to Alan Tate for gving me his time for this feature. I did take the p%ss and took up most his afternoon! Really is a top bloke and hugely appreciated!!

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Do You Remember the First Time?

I liked this feature last issue so much that I thought we’d make it a regular. I asked people the following:1) How old were you? what year was it 2) What did you like most about watching the football? 3) Who did you go with? 4) Did you sing along with the chants? 5) What was your favourite chant? 6) How many of your friends in your class support the Swans? 7) Was it intimidating at all? Sometimes scary? and this is what they said: Christopher Dean Chapman 1. West Brom. Not sure what year. 2. The atmosphere and togetherness of the crowd. 3. Cousin 4. Nope 5. Falling in love with you 6 5, I think 7. Yea 1st away game was Cardiff the year it kicked off. And we’re banned for 5 years Jason H Heslop 1.Brentford home 1977 aged 7 2.atmosphere 3.Dad 4.No 5.only remember chants of Swansea 6. None as lived 60 miles away ..3hr trip as no motorways. 7.Nope had my Dad with me

Phil Doherty 1 -1972 I was seven 2-when we scored everyone surged back and forth 3-my sister and father 4-yes could not get in the choir in school 5- your going home like sandy Richardson (character in crossroads who was in a wheelchair also when an opposing player got injured we sang bring out the bostick ( most popular glue at the time) 6- work now but it’s surprising now we are on the P.L how many support us (plastic fans) 7-not when you were in the north bank we were one big family who nobody messed with Rob Gaynor totally ignored my questions but a very good first tale: It was the famous victory over Leeds.. Dad ramped up the excitement by telling me I’d be watching the worlds best player (Alan Curtis).. And when Curtis hammered that screamer home he was right.. I remember the whole day vividly. From arriving on the Northbank and thinking it was gigantic, to the chicken run at the front of the bank where all us kids would scarper along,trying to follow the ball as our dads mingled with their mates, shouting,singing and swearing like troopers.. And the hoards of jubilant supporters making their way back into town after the whistle..unforgettable..! Do you remember your first time?? Get in touch info@jackswan.co.uk or add us on facebook. I don’t know how, ask someone else!!!

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Ronnie Rees

I’m pretty useless with Twitter, I try but I keep forgetting about it and go weeks, possibly months without checking it and I am probably rather rude as I only go on it when I want something. It’s a funny saying stuff like that isn’t it; people say ‘he only rings when he wants something’. Why else would you? Talk about the weather? Anyway, on my bi-annual check on twitter, I had the following message from a Leighton J Rees; ‘you should do some kind of write up on Ronnie Rees in Jack Swan, one time record signing for the Swans and a living legend to Coventry fans’ And so we did. It was pointed out that there was no relation between Leighton and Ronnie Rees, they just happened to share a surname. Ronnie played his career before Leighton’s time but Leighton’s dad Eugene would talk a lot to him about how good the winger was and so I thought that it would be good to start by speaking to Eugene about the former Welsh international. Keeping with the Rees’s, I interviewed Eugene Rees (also no relation; obviously): What was so good about Ronnie? He was a typical Swansea footballer; Swansea born. We are good with wingers, Willie Humphreys, Jimmy McLaughlin, Tommy Hutchinson and he was in that style and the fact that he was a Swansea boy as well made

it even more special. Why did it take him so long to play for Swansea? Nowadays Swansea would pick players but although he was one of our top signings back then, he was on the way out, we never got the top signings when they were at their best and I think the money situation in Swansea has always been very conservative so when Ronnie Rees wanted to play at the peak of his powers, the other clubs wanted him and rightly so. Do you know much about his younger career? Before he signed for Coventry? Only the fact that he played for Merthyr, he was born somewhere like Ystradygnlais and so he was seen whilst playing for those teams and the valleys had a reputation for footballers;

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18 Ronnie Rees look at John Charles, he never played for Swansea even though he was on the doorstep. He was a record signing when he arrived, do you remember being excited about him? It was exiting having a big player down there because he was a big name at the time. He was a Welsh international but he was different as he was a Welsh international who made it at English clubs as against the ones who got picked up because of others dropping out but he was an international because he was shown at big teams. Was there the same pressure on a player then? The expectation was different for him because he was a Swansea boy. Firstly people wanted him to do well and to see him and secondly because he was a big name and also he was a big signing. The Swansea crowd were good to him; I think they have always been good to players coming back. Any Swansea player who shows that he’s playing for the club; they love him. And I think it was the same with him; he tried hard. He came at a transitional period as we changed manager. Harry Gregg came in and he reminds me of Kenny Jacket, not that I’m knocking Jacket but he came in and changed the style of play. He wanted a strong team which is good in its way but for the swans fans it was different and it didn’t play to Ronnie’s strengths. So how good was he then? Would be get in the Swans team now?

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Oh he certainly would at his best. The only thing that goes against him slightly is his height. He was 5 foot eight, now wingers are usually either very small or very big and he wasn’t in that mould but his skills were brilliant; he would get in for his skill factor no problems at all. He left Swansea at 31 to go to Haverfordwest, was he in decline as a player then? I think he lost to injury. As you know he has health problems now and I think he was just one of these unfortunate players that was never full of fitness all the time and if you watch Damned united, you will see how players were treated back then; it was criminal. I remember going to the vetch and seeing the reserves and you would hear someone saying ‘watch him by there, he’s about to go through him’ and then you’d hear a snap. Eugene spoke about Ronnie during his Coventry days and he really is still regarded as a club legend up those parts. We got in touch with Dean Nelson, a lifelong Coventry City fan who remembers Ronnie well. This is Deans story:The early 60’s saw a soccer revolution going on in Coventry when Jimmy Hill was at the helm at The Sky Blues. A Pub was bought by the club for fans to enjoy a pint or too, players trained in the morning and in the afternoon would visit local car factories, of which there were many. On one occasion I was a little 5 year old lad who hap-

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20 Ronnie Rees pened to go and see my Nan who worked in one of them, when one of the Coventry players paid them a visit and it was Ronnie Rees, I sat on his lap as he told stories of his life, my dad being a welsh chap from Llandeilo seemed to talk just like Ronnie.

admit that I knew very little beforehand but he was clearly a fantastic footballer and the type who would drag crowds in to watch the game but from what I hear and more importantly; he is a fantastic man and I wish him all the very best.

Ron told my Nan that I should go to see The Sky Blues play which I did when I was older. He gave me a signed photo of himself, which I still have to this day. The former Coventry players I meet up with now and again talk highly of him and you can see his skills on youtube in a Coventry v Bolton match from March 1967. Ronnie scored the goal at Highfield Road in front 51,000 fans which saw Coventry get promoted to the old first division for the first time in Coventry’s history. I never got to see Ronnie in Sky Blue but followed his career with Forest, WBA and of course Swansea and Wales. When he played against Coventry after leaving he always scored and the fans still sung his song ‘Run Run Run Run Ronnie Rees’ Ronnie Rees will always have a place in my heart and also the people of Coventry, although his health it not so good these days, I’d like to thank him for making me a Coventry City fan, even if we have not been that good lately either. Coventry City have had two great wingers; Tommy Hutchison and Ronnie Rees both also proud of wearing the white shirt of Swansea. Ronnie suffered a stroke in 1995. I spoke to his wife June Rees who told me that “He is ok, he is quite stable at the moment, enjoys the sport on the television and mostly the football but all the sports programmes and Tim from Hengoed court takes him to all of the Swansea home matches which is nice and he enjoys.” It was a real privilege to learn about Ronnie Rees, I must

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22 Swans Eleven Matty spoke with John Cornforth to see what his Swans eleven is.

Goalkeeper I was looking at going with Neville Southall from when I played with Wales but it has to be the loyal Roger Freestone. He was outstanding, he was the shape of the old goalkeepers; he was a big lad but what he did in training, what he did week in week out. He very rarely got injured, he was a good shot stopper, he was good at crosses, and he was good at taking penalties. I think his decisions were right, he knew when to come and when not to, he would make the right choices at the right times. For me he is definitely the best goalkeeper that I have played with. He has been picked by a few people in the swans eleven; can you reveal anything about his antics? About him going for a shite before the game and using his gloves to wipe himself before shaking the oppositions hand? A couple of years ago I phoned him up and said “what you doing rog” and he goes ‘2 seconds I’m having a shit on Cardiff! I’ve been caught short and I’ve done all my deliveries and so I’m shitting in the van”. When we used to travel away from home, whether we were staying in a Marriot hotel or wherever, he’d get up to all sorts; he’d throw things off the wall, he was a right character; a great lad. We hear that off everyone. What formation you going for? I’m going 4-3-3 really, just to get the players in. Right Back it was between Des Lyttle and Steve Jenkins

and i have gone with Des Lyttle. He was a bit raw at first but he was such an athlete, getting up and down the pitch, his awareness, athleticism and obviously he had a good career after he left the Swans but for a right back, he was great at covering but also at getting forward and creating and getting goals and I thought Jenks was the man, he was an outstanding right back. Was he professional off the pitch? Yeah, we had some great lads and he was one of them. He was a hard trainer and dependable on the pitch as well. How about Left Back? I have been struggling with this one, I’ve got Mark Clode, Cookie and john ford. All three of them were quality left backs, for me cookie wasn’t that great defensively but going forward he was fantastic, Clodey played left back quite a bit but was predominantly right footed so I have gone with Fordy; John Ford. He was 6 foot plus and he scored a few goals, scored

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24 Swans Eleven against Middlesboro. Fordy wasn’t a flair player, he would get up and down and you knew what you would get, he’d give everything to every tackle, every header, he had a wonderful left peg on him and obviously when he got into the right areas then he was dangerous and out of the three of them I think I will go with Fordy because of his defensive qualities. Plus he was a drinking pall of mine and so we’d go out a fair bit as well. He’s a great lad and a good friend. So who are your centre half ’s? I have gone for the pair who I have played most with, I have gone for Keith Walker. When I was there, the runs getting to the play offs, he was just a total out and out defender. The chants were that you would “never beat Keith walker” and that is exactly how it was. If someone tried a step over or something then he wouldn’t have it. He never got enough credit either because he was a real footballer, he would go in on a Sunday morning when it was a day off, he would play head tennis or something after training and then in the Garabaldi for a few pints. He was a proper defender deceptively quick at times but he just read the game so well, he knew when to step in and he knew when to stay, he used to play a lot of left to right, right to left balls and so to complement that Mark Harris was perfect.

would drop off, Chopper never missed a header, he wasn’t as good on the floor but he was outstanding in the air. There aren’t many players who would like to come up against that back four, they were all solid but they could all play as well. How important do you think it is to have that connection between two centre half ’s in a back four? You have to know when to step up, when to push up ten yards or whatever and knowing each other and playing with each other week in week out and knowing when to step out and when not to, they were all leaders, they were all talking all the time; shouting to each other and with roger behind them then that’s a decent back five i think; a good foundation. And who is your midfielders?

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26 Swans Eleven In midfield, the reason that I have got a three is that I have myself in there obviously. Am I allowed to put myself in or not? Yeah of course, I think most would say that you have to be in there I have myself with two lads who I played with a lot and who I thought were outstanding players. Colin Pascoe was one of them, I thought that there were times when I would sit in-front of the back four and he’d get in front of me and we could make little triangles all day and there wasn’t many midfields out there at that time who could live with us really, it was a case of him making runs

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forward and I’d sit there and we’d pass it around. We’d have wingers who would cut in and it would be 4-5-1 at times but pushing on, it was 4-3-3 but almost 4-1-5 at times with the amount of people who wanted to get in the box. Colin was technically outstanding, he was a very, very intelligent footballer, making runs in to the corner, letting it run through his legs, he was always on the move, he had a fantastic touch, could play with both feet and was just a very, very intelligent footballer. Alongside us we had Kwame, and I think it helped him coming in and playing alongside myself and Pascoe. I think Frank played him wide left at first but he was never going to be a wide left player but when he stepped

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28 Swans Eleven inside and played centre midfield. He was a nasty bastard Kwame, he could put his foot in and win the tackles and let me and pasc play a bit but in his own right Kwame was a good footballer, he had a lovely left peg, very intelligent and came in with his fair share of goals too, we were a good midfield three. How important is it to have someone in that midfield who likes to put a foot in? Well I think that when we played you needed to; we always knew and Frank always made sure that we knew that the most important thing was to win the first battle, you needed to earn the right to play. There was no way that you could walk out there and showboat, you need to scrap and fight and kick a few people before you get the opportunity to play and that is what we did. Especially at the vetch and you look at that back four and roger and me, pasc and Kwame, we were internationals as well, Kwame had under 21s for Ireland, Pasc and me played full internationals for Wales and so you look at the back 8, before the front three and we were pretty solid all the time.

Do you think a lot of people struggled coming to the vetch? A lot of people would get sent off against us. Away teams maybe lost their heads a bit I think it was a hard place to come to be fair. First of all it was shit hole wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t it to be fair. The away dressing room was like cupboard, walking down the tunnel, the north bank was so vocal. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d always run over and try and jeer them up and you would try and wind players up because we knew we would have six or seven thousand

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30 Swans Eleven people behind us and so I imagine it was a difficult place to come yeah. Are you surprised to see how well Colin Pascoe has done as a coach or not? Not really, I knew he was an intelligent footballer. He got shit on by Brenda, we spoken since and I think you will see come October, November when managers start losing their jobs that he will get a post in his own right. I just hope that he employs me Would you like to get involved in something like that? Aye, it is always something I’d look at. I have been offered jobs but I’m not going to take anything. I was with Newport County and I was always banging my heads against a brick wall, there is no finances and its difficult, I wouldn’t take a job unless it was the right job. So who are your three strikers? First one may not go down really well as he ended up playing for Cardiff but Andy Legg. Leggy could play anywhere and probably still could play anywhere, leggy is the fittest man in the world, he would go to a game and stop in a burger king on the way, have a double cheese burger and fries and milkshake and then go to game and have man if the match. Technically, I think he’s scored the best goal that I have ever seen at the vetch, that volley.

I think he could play left back, he could play centre midfield, he could play left wing, centre half, he used to play in goal, technically he was a fantastic footballer. Obviously he did go on to play for Cardiff in the end but when he did put on the jersey for Swansea he was the best player. We interviewed Legg a while back and he was managing at Llanelli, do you expect to see him get back into something like that? I speak to leggy on a weekly basis, he’s doing the radio, I don’t know, you will have to ask him, he’s still got the enthusiasm for fitness and all that but I don’t think he’d go back into management but I don’t know. You will have to ask him. And who are your other strikers Jason Bowen, technically probably the most gifted player that I’ve played with. In training his body fat percentage was zero all the time, he had no fat on him at all. He was lightning quick, strong as an ox. For me, I used to love playing with him because we were quite telepathic, if I would get the ball then I’d just hit him as in knew exactly where he would be running, the amount of goals which I put in for Bow’s would be a high percentage I would think. It wasn’t just me and my passing ability but his runs were so intelligent, he would come short, turn and spin into the channel, playing with each other, we knew each other and then we moved on to Birmingham, he had a go playing in the premier league for Southampton but he was just so laid back, nothing would bother him. Technically he

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32 Swans Eleven was brilliant, he’d be worth millions of pounds in today’s money; for me he was a dream to play with, even when he came short he could hold the ball up, play it at the right time. And who is your last man? The final striker is a hard one as well because I looked at Torpey but the lad I played with, I think I only played one game with before I broke my leg and then he retired and that was jimmy Gilligan. I wasn’t lucky enough to play much with but he had a bad back at the time and was going through the transitional period of retiring but even with his bad back the guy had quality; his finishing was incredible, you give him half a yard and it was a goal. His movement, his running, obviously when I saw him he was coming to the end of his career but his awareness around the box and knowing that when the ball goes down the side,

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nine times out of ten he was in the right place, anything around the box and he was there. I think he was the best half vollyer of the ball I have ever seen, right or left foot he could hit a crisp clean half volley so I think I have to get him in there but I think that’s one hell of a side. A huge thanks to one of our greatest and most popular players for his Swans Eleven. Not a bad side that is it!!

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34 Fantasy Football I managed to beat Aled in September although we were both awful in fairness. I go 1-0 up in the series, here are the points. Remember you got £25 million to pick a keeper, defender, midfielder and striker. Last month; Aled: Hart 7 points, Francis 12 points, Ayew 6 points, Rondon 6 points; Total 31 points Jack Swan: Cech 11 points, Williams 11 points, Barkley 14 points, Wilson 10 points, total 46 Send us your picks for November the end of October and we will print your options; info@jackswan.co.uk or 07880369545 or facebook twitter and all that jazz! (Using the fantasy.premierleague.co.uk sit)

Aled Jones £25 million My 4 picks for September were disastrous! Although Francis for Bournemouth did ok, Hart picked-up an injury and missed a game, Rondon didn’t score and Ayew and the Swans switched-off. My 4 picks for October:

Jack Swan: £23 million Fabianski: £5 million Swansea are a top 6 side on a little wobble and they will come very good in November and shoot up the league. Several clean sheets will be at the heart of our improvements! Naughton: 5 Million You might sense a little theme starting here. Swans will bag the clean sheets and of our 4 defenders i think Naughton is most likely to grab an assist. I’d love to put one of the centre backs in and expect them to bag a goal from a corner but that is never going to happen is it?

GK - Hart (£5.6 Million) I’m sticking with Hart this month. I think he has the easiest run of games out of all the keepers with 3 home games - Newcastle, Bournemouth & Norwich, and 1 tough game away to Man U

Montero: £5.8 million He’s gone off the boil slightly but since his knock but I expect him to come good and this starting at Spurs. He’s a nightmare, one of the best wingers in the league. He needs to start first but I think he will be at the heart of most of our goals; assists coming out of his ears!!!

DEF -Dier (£5.1 Million) I really struggled to pick a defender this month as no teams have 4 easy games. Spurs have only conceded 5 goals so far and Dier has played a big part in keeping clean sheets and attacking play. Swans, Liverpool, Bournemouth and Villa next.

Gomis: £7.2 million He’s a quality strikers and quality strikers don’t go long without a goal. He will have three in October; no doubt about it. It is clear what I have done this month. Will it work?

MID - Payet (£7.7 Million) It was a choice between this guy and Mahrez for October. Mahrez is definitely the cheaper option at £6.4 Million, but Payet is my choice. He looks like an incredibly gifted player and everything West Ham do goes through him. Sunderland, Palace, Chelsea & Watford up next. FWD - Vardy (£6.6 Million) Leicester are all about attack and counterattack. Vardy is the spearhead of this team so I’m predicting a good few goals from him this month. Norwich, Southampton, Palace & West Brom up next £25 Million on the nose!

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36 Swansea City Miscellany After the success of his debut book ‘Swansea City’s Greatest Games’ I met up with author Chris Carra to speak about his next book, which was released in September.

So if I wanted to find out how many goals Lee Trundle scored could I do that?

I haven’t seen the book, I know we talked about it before but I can’t remember. Tell us about it.

Go on then, let’s time it; see how easy it is to find...... How many goals in total? Well I’ve found the Lee Trundle section, ‘Magic Daps’... 143 appearances scoring 77 goals the first time he was with the club, then another seven goals when he came back on loan in 2009.

It’s called the ‘Swansea City Miscellany’ and it is basically an encyclopaedia of everything Swansea City; history, stats, facts, trivia, a couple of bizarre stories and some tragic tales; but not too many as it would be a bit depressing. There are also some player profiles, including some real legends - Ivor Allchurch, Alan Curtis, Leon Britton, Roger Freestone to name a few. And there are loads of top ten lists, season-by-season charts, that kind of thing. I think I called my first book a good toilet book, but this really is a good toilet book! You can pick it up and read something which is a few sentences long, or a few pages - depending on the time you are on the toilet! But it can also be enjoyed on a train, a plane or just sitting on a chair - it’s not essential to read it on a toilet. So how is it set out? Is it alphabetical? Chronological? It is completely random, although I have tried to set it out so that there are some sections together. The first couple of pages go back to 1912 when the club was born. But you may find something from the early days right next to a story about Kevin Austin, so it is a bit random.

Yeah you can.

That is quicker than my wi-fi. How did you go about writing it? Was it a Swansea Library job? Yeah a lot of it was, but thankfully after my first book I had a lot of existing research, which was up to date. Some bits did take more research than others though, for example the list of all the managers and the dates they started and finished with the club; there were conflicting dates with certain managers and so I would then have to look in more detail; look in different books, go back and look at the newspaper headlines of the time in the archives, and try to settle on a definitive answer. Did you have this new book in mind when you did the first one? Well this new one was actually the first book I thought about. It was the first one I pitched to the publishers and a lot of them turned it down - they said there are too many Swansea books out there already and I

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38 Swansea City Miscellany thought ‘well look at Man United; there are hundreds of books on them. There are some brilliant Swans books out there, but there is always room for a few more Swansea are a big club now. So I just thought ‘if you don’t want the book, then f**k off - I will find some other publisher’ and I did. But they said they wanted it the other way around, with the Greatest Games book first. What I should have done was worked on this one simultaneously as I worked on the other one... but I didn’t. I asked you this after the first book, but are you becoming a proper anorak yourself? Yeah maybe a bit. I knew quite a bit about the club when I was writing my blog, but that was writing about the present day era. I didn’t really know that much about the history of the Swans until I started writing the first book, so knowing what I do now feels good. I think a lot of casual fans don’t know the full history of the club, but they should because it’s really interesting. Everyone knows about the Hull game and the 80s, but the players and managers in the 40s, 50s and 60s shaped the club, and started us on the road to where we are now. It makes the club a bit more special. I think every fan should know a little bit about their grandfather’s era.

4) Name the only band to have ever played at both the Vetch and the Liberty Stadium 5) Who was Swansea’s top scorer during the 1992/93 season? 6) Why did Kevin Austin miss his home debut match? 7) How many times have Swansea played Pontllanfraith? 8) How many times did Swansea win the Welsh Cup? 9) What is Willy Gueret doing now? 10) Against which team was Swansea’s first Premier League win? Answers on page 98

Tell us three things that we should all know. There are 250 toilets in the Liberty Stadium That is a good one. So you can work that out per person, 20,000 seats, give or take, so that is 80 people per toilet, that is a load of toilets but we all want to go in the same 15 minutes! But it’s three toilets per person for the rugby! Ha ha, yeah. Another one that everyone should know is that 12-0 is our biggest win, against Sliema Wanderers in the early 80s. They should also know that Ivor Allchurch is our all time top scorer. Well they could know a lot more if they read this book. The club are selling the book in the club shop, but you can also get it from all the usual places (Waterstones, Amazon) as well, and some bizarre ones such as the phone box near Dyfatty Lights (that is not true). Quiz By Chris Carra 1) In which year did Swansea win their first ever trophy, and against who? 2) Who is Swansea’s top goalscorer ever? 3) Who wrote the North Bank Song?

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The Top Two Inches

“The city belongs among the things that exist by nature, and Man is by nature a political animal.”

ez responded, “When he beat us 6-3, he was such a nice man. I prefer him like that.”

The wisdom of Aristotle can only go so far in explaining Jose Mourinho’s ridiculous behaviour after defeat at Everton. Everybody in football knows it does the job of deflecting scrutiny of another awful Chelsea display from the team and on to the manager. The fact it’s being discussed here shows the value of that strategy. However, it’s beginning to look like Jose is far better at the politics, the mind games and bluff and bluster, of football, than he is at finding adequate replacements for aging centre backs and glass-kneed strikers. Worse than that, after last year’s “campaign” accusations, and this year’s “Physiogate” and swipes at those who want to see him lose, it’s beginning to look like Jose enjoys the politics, the glory and the egotism, more than he cares about the actual game, the physical nuts and bolts of passing drills and gym sessions that precede the glory.

From Plato and Aristotle, through Hobbes and Machiavelli, to Hayek and Huntington, the modern British political establishment is supposed to be designed to embody the best ideas in the history of political thought. As such, here’s a Cabinet of current Premier League managers. They couldn’t be worse than the current lot:

All managers have their moments, from Pardew’s headbutt to LVG’s dossier, the moments when frustration and competitiveness overcome the diplomatic sense of politics, and escape into the more melodramatic and manipulative version. Even Garry Monk has had a few ill-judged outbursts at the officials. Political philosophy, and now political theory, provides two and a half thousand years of good arguments for why those moments Arborum counterproductive. half page.ai 1 19/02/2015 are almost always As00:32:48 Bobby Martin-

Home Secretary: Garry Monk. An Englishman’s home is Fortress Liberty. Foreign Secretary: Mauricio Pochettino. His English remains as bad as Tottenham’s home record. Defence Secretary: Brendan Rodgers. The master of selling what he does need and spending a huge amount on what he doesn’t because other people want him to. Health Secretary: Arsene Wenger. Opening Soon: The London Colney Professional Footballers Hospital. Abou Diaby has a platinum membership.

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Work and Pensions Secretary: LVG. Fellaini does the work, and he collects the pension. Transport Secretary: Mark Hughes. Man City, Fulham and now Stoke can all confirm his ability to spend enormous amounts on going nowhere fast. Culture, Media and Sport Secretary: Tim Sherwood. Just like ‘Arry, he’s mastered the Media part. Still a way off the Culture and Sport bits...

resemblance to a blown-up condom. Which brings us on to this month’s challenge. In less than 25 words, which manager is most like Maggie Thatcher and why? There may be a prize, if they weren’t all sold to pay for Andre Ayew’s welcome do, and the Editor’s feeling generous. Send answers to 07880 369545 or info@jackswan.co.uk Robin Hill

Welsh Secretary: Tony Pulis. Being Welsh, or in Wales, is the only usual criterion. Scottish Secretary: Alex Neil. Ditto. Northern Irish Secretary: Brendan Rodgers. Same criterion, and also means he has two things in common with Peter Hain: filling two Cabinet posts at once, and being an orange charlatan. Prime Minister: Jose Mourinho. Everybody hates him? Has a nasty temper? More worried about image than results? The only thing separating him from David Cameron is the latter’s

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I used to be hooked on the hokey cokey but then I turned myself around and that's what it's all about. A load of men walk into a bar. It's for a meeting of the shadow cabinet. An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and making building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell"? Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next" God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there; send him up here" Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him" God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue" Satan laughs, "Yeah, right, and just where are you going to get a lawyer"? My fitness bracelet tells me i masturbated for 26 miles today. "And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best" Sony 16:9

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A couple deal that whoever come for back inform the other if he isn’t but thatmade isn’t theafootball of today. Today itdied is all first aboutwould important thatand and at this moment in time, there is sex after death. in our first eleven in my opinion. today! Worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes! And in my opinion Jonjo isn’t in my first team plans -

today. It is sad in a lot of ways that football has come to this Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all

but that is where we are. It may simply be that the British footballing world has become more professional A big part of this isn’t just that we have better central After a long life together, the husband was the first tothat die.this True histhe word, he made the and willto bring very best out of young midfielders. We have good options going forward. players. It may well force players like Jonjo to be even looks ridiculously dangerous, Siggy is firstMontero contact: "Marion. Marion." better but you can also see why the English FA are outstanding, Bony is (and I genuinely mean this word) concerned about players lacking minutes. But I World class and Dyer/Routledge/Barrow are all very "Is that you, Bob days. "Yes,SoI've come back like wetoagreed" couldn’t care less about the FA and I doubt the Swans capable on their what we need is for them have the ball, we need a midfield which is controlling, a do either. midfield who can win the ballitback and give it to our "That's wonderful! What's like?" danger men and that is what Leon and Ki can offer. If I could get Jonjo to sign a ten year contract and he had no possible way of leaving it then I’d play him now "Well, upsighted in thebut morning, I have sex. I to have breakfast then it's off to and the so golf but there and is no loyalty in football in many ways ThisIisget short I do feel far less inclined course. it is the footballers that are brining it on themselves. ‘nurture’ talent than I have previously. We don’t really need money and players aren’t loyal in anyway and so I Why should a club invest time and playing minutes who will jump at the first chance they get? don’t see the point in playing him in order to smooth I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and have into sex aaplayer couple of more times. the diamond. I think that those days have possibly gone in terms of the Premier league. Each game is too

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.

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Mels Memories

Our next chapter in our talk with Swans legend Mel Nurse about football in his day.

and the rest of it; I don’t know my way around outside of Cwmbwla.

Who was the best manager that you worked with? The best for you

What was it like when you got there? Did you have a good time?

Well Trevor Morris sold me. He got rid of me; that is the best way to put it because I had no option! On a Friday morning, I reports down to the ground for training and there was talk of me going everywhere; Manchester United, everywhere. I played for the welsh team, captain of Swansea, next thing I know I’m told that I got to go and get my boots, be down the ground by nine o’clock and go and see the manager.

Well they put me on a pedestal, I got to admit. I can’t complain about it, I class myself as being lucky in a lot of things and so I gave myself the benefit of the doubt. They needed to sell players to balance the books, they sold Charlo last year, Mel, they sold Len Allchurch the year before, they sold cliffy Jones before that, Terry Medwyn the year before that, Jesus Christ we were all going and so it was my turn to go now. And I went, I signed, I was only there two days and they made me club skipper, I got to be honest that I didn’t do too bad at Middlesboro but it’s a good club, I know that they are in the championship this year, not in the premier league but they are a good club. When I saw them (at end of last season) I thought that they didn’t have that killer instinct. And Swindon in the lower division, they didn’t either.

It’s a Friday morning; we are playing home Saturday; the next day. What did Trevor want me for? that’s what I was thinking. I’d never call him Trevor to his face though: he was the boss, he was the governor, but what did he want me for? I didn’t know but he asked to see me and so in I goes and he said Middlesboro have made an offer for you and we have accepted it, go and get your boots and I want you to catch the half past ten train. It’s now quarter past nine, going on for half past; between the two; I said ‘well where am I going? We are playing home tomorrow!’ and he said ‘no you are signing for Middlesboro’. ‘I’m not signing for Middlesboro’ I said, ‘it is the end of the world’ Jesus Christ. Why did I say that? Because every time we would play them we would go by coach; it would take us 24 hours to get there, we had no motorways or anything in those days it was all sides streets

ment?

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No. I didn’t want to go into it. All my life, you can say that I have been a manager because I have been captain everywhere I went. Responsible but I never picked the team and so I didn’t offend people because as a manger then you can make enemies. Do you think it was easier being a manager then? No, well I don’t know. I can’t judge that because in our days the wages were so low. Today now, you got staff of

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Mels Memories

say 24 or 25 in our days then you would have 40 or 45. Because the wages are so high now then you have to be careful because you have to balance the books. You can’t afford to have someone like Rooney not in the first team, sitting on the bench earning £400,000 a week. Can’t afford that and so the clubs are getting rid of people; if you are not in the team then they get rid of them. They put the lesser players there and then they struggle because they need the quality and so they go out and buy someone else and they are expensive and so they are back to where they were.

We are very fortunate, if we can stay in the premier division then good because we will have the money coming in to pay out but the moment that you go out of the premier division then you are in trouble; you got to fight like hell because wages are up there at £100 million a year and your income is what (when you go down)? £40 million, so you cut the cloth accordingly, get rid of the big players, lose the best ones and then you drop down more; struggle, it’s frightening.

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58 Bev Rock Art I’m really fortunate to have a few really talented artists who allow me to use their paintings and sketches in this magazine and I really appreciate them all. It seems that it isn’t just me who is benefiting from their talent either as the Liberty stadium now boasts paintings from Bev Rock Art. The supporters trust has put up this fantastic painting up of Michu. If you facebook Bev Rock Art then you will see a catalogue of amazing pictures; Duncan Jones seems like he liked his too!

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BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don't know. White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're..? Contestant: Strong. White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? Contestant: Louis. White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

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64 Vital Information All these are facts except 1 which I made up. Which one is made up? answer on answer page 98 • The earliest documentation of fireworks dates back to 7th century China. They were invented more than 2000 years ago in China. • China is the largest manufacturer and exporter of fireworks in the world. 90% of all fireworks originate from here.

Fawkes Night (5th November). It is a celebration of the failing of the Gunpowder Plot on 5 November 1605, an attempt to kill King James I at the Houses of Parliament. • The largest firework rocket is 13kg and was produced and launched in Portugal in 2010.

• In 1240 the Arabs acquired knowledge of gunpowder. A Syrian named Hasan al-Rammah wrote of fireworks using terms that suggested he derived his knowledge from Chinese sources.

• Queen Elizabeth was so fascinated with fireworks that she created an honorary title, “Fire Master of England” for the individual who created the best fireworks. • Mario Balotelli was used as the face for the ‘never go back campaign’ in Italy encouraging people to be careful around fireworks.

• The first recorded fireworks in England were at the wedding of King Henry VII in 1486.

• The fireworks were used to accompany many festivities, scare off evil spirits and promote prosperity. • The largest chocolate firework was measuring 3m high and 1.5m in diameter and containing 60kg of Swiss Cailler chocolates. The firework was released in Zurich on New Year’s Eve 2002. • The biggest occasion for fireworks in the UK is Guy

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Question for the mag: Was monk wrong to pick a weakened eleven last night? Was he naive? Overconfident? Or does the competition not matter? Tony Davies We played them off the park just couldn't take our chances, our squad had enough quality to make those changes, Leicester did it and beat a near full strength West Ham side, we should have broke the bank and got a top quality striker over the summer, that's 3 games no goals we have the players to provide the chances but if Gomis has a bad day we are knackered

Martin Davies I agree with matthew cup games is to give fringe players a run out - it is niether here or there a cup nice to win it but to do well in prem more inportant I am sure any one not up to it be gone in january

Ian Wishart Gomis and Eder are not good enough. We should have got Austin or Gestede.

Marc Sherlock He got it spot on its a cup game you play your second team the first team need to get ready for satarday game and that's is our focus we can do our best in cup game games and that's it. You can't play all the time you have to rotate your squad and cup games are to bring in the second team not first

Steven Edwards The team he sent out was a good one that should have won the game simple as

Michael Carroll As a evertonian it annoys me when we play a weaker side this comp is important Alex Collins Now and then these results just happen, but I would hate to think we have gone all "Billy big Bollocks" when it comes to the league cup! Ah well, well done Hull!

Craig Wiggins He was a complete muppet for doing it!!! Mathew Phillips U got give fringe players game time with no reserve league how some meant keep match fit? is bonkers, not just us the whole league where do u play them?

Clare Lewis Not clinical enough in front of goal first half ok should have been 3 up at least at half time one clear chance they had and they took it but if ours went in instead of hitting the post it might have been a different story

Darryl Spencer Think he was right to pick that team. They should have done better though

Matthew Vincent Think he done the right thing picking the team he did, was always going to be a tough game Hull away, they were going to be well up for it. Cup games like this are a chance for players to put their hand up, if they dont get a chance against Hull away when do they get a chance

Tim Rendell I'd understand if he had made a few changes !! But 10 crazy. Your out of the cup so when is he gonna give these "fringe" players a start next I wonder ?? Naive if the game was against any premiership team he'd never have made them changes fact !! Jacks Rubbish Clearance eighth.ai 1 22/02/2015 16:11:02

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Mind Puzzles

1) I’m round at the ends and high in the middle.What am I? 2) I take what you receive and surrender it all by waving my flag.What am I? 3) What tastes better than it smells? 4) I build bridges of silver and crowns of gold.Who am I? 5) What goes in the water black and comes out red? 6) My stem’s planted firmly where I am allotted. My tail is wavy and my face is quite blotted. I relay much emotion though flatly I’m spotted, And I grow half my size whenever I’m dotted. I can speak any language, yet utter no words. I’m no seed, yet I am well known among birds. But I do have a speech impediment: I can say cage but not page, aged but not wage. I can say deaf but not red, bed but not sled. I live on a highway that’s structurally sound, Where you might see my friends accidentally bound. It has many lanes, and also long lines. There are lots of sharp turns, but plenty of signs. I am played but not won, made but not spun. The key is to measure before you’ve begun. What am I? All answers on page 98 Bonus Question: Get this right and win a free bottle of wine at Chaplins when two people have lunch (pop in and give them answer) What always murmurs but never talks, Always runs but never walks, Has a bed but never sleeps, Has a mouth but never speaks

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70 Golf Course Review PontardaweGolf Club Course Review – September 28th 2015

receptive for the most part, so all in all it’s a very inviting course.

What were your first impressions of the course?

How difficult is the course? There are difficult holes on the course, with the most difficult in my opinion being the 446 yard Par 4 13th, which dog legs to the right, and plays significantly uphill. Firstly this hole is relatively long for a Par 4 (considering the 7th hole is a Par 5 and a mere 460 yards), and requires two good hits and accuracy from the tee. There is out of bounds on the right hand side, so unless you’re long enough (and brave enough) to cut the corner, your second shot into the green is going to be a good 200 yards. The hole isn’t as daunting for the ladies, as although it plays the same distance, it is in fact a Par 5 for them.

The first thing that strikes you is that it’s a beautiful course, with some amazing views. The first hole is a nice short Par 4 at 318 yards from the Yellow Tee, which also plays slightly down hill, so a gentle hole to ease you into the round. I personally played a 7 iron for position off the tee, which left me far enough back to hit my 9 iron to the well bunkered green, over the large tree in the middle of the fairway. So although it’s a short hole, it can cause you problems if you’re out of position from the tee. What was the best hole on the course? Without a doubt, the 16th was my favourite hole on the course. It’s a 292 yard Par 4, which plays significantly downhill, meaning the green is reachable from the tee shot if you’re a medium to long hitter, assuming you’re not playing directly into a strong breeze that is. There are a few reasons why I like the hole so much, the first being the incredible views you have from the 16th tee box, as this is the highest point on the golf course. The second reason I really like the hole is that although it’s relatively short for a Par 4, it can in fact play quite long if it’s into the wind, as you are very much exposed to the elements on the tee. There are also several hazards that need to be avoided, firstly, anything left off the tee means you’re over the fence and in the driving range, so you really have to reload on the tee. There is also a ditch that runs across the fairway, but this shouldn’t be an issue unless you are short off the tee in general, or playing into a gale. There are also trees on the right hand side of the hole if you lose it out to that side, as well as 2 x bunkers at the green. This is an excellent example of a short Par 4 that can be extremely rewarding if you get your tee shot right, but can also punish you should you make a mistake off the tee. I have actually eagled this hole in the past, chipping in with my second just short of the green, but I have also had a few double bogeys due to less than impressive tee shots. How fair was the course? The course is extremely fair, as it’s a Par 70 / 5789 yards total off the yellow tees, which is relatively short. The fairways are generous, and the greens

There are other difficult holes, with the 3rd, 6th, 9th and 10th being the main ones that spring to mind. The course does give you shots back though, with two short Par 3’s as well as a short Par 5 on the front 9, and the final four holes on the back 9 are also scoring holes. What was the best thing about it? The layout of the course without a doubt is the best thing for me. In my opinion, this is where most golf courses come up short, as there tends to be a section of the round where my interest is lost due to a couple of average holes back to back. From this I mean there should never be a section of the round that doesn’t challenge, excite or keep you on your toes, and this course succeeds perfectly with its layout, and keeps your full attention for 18 holes! What was the worst thing? This is a difficult question as there are no real stand out

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weaknesses with the course. As I mentioned, the layout is spot on, the course extremely well kept and manicured, and the atmosphere very welcoming. If I had to change something on the course, it would be to re-design of the 8th green. I have never liked the approach shot into the 8th, as you’re playing downhill to a green that slopes away from you, with limited space behind the green if you overshoot, which is very easy to do if the hole is playing down wind! This is a personal preference though, and probably due to the fact that I hardly ever score well on the hole ;) How snobby were the members? The members and staff were extremely welcoming, no issues with snobbery while we were there. How well kept was the course generally? The course was extremely well kept. Historically there have been some drainage issues on the course, especially on the front 9, but this has improved over the last few years, and I’m pleased to say there was no evidence of any drainage issues during our round, with the entire course looking in extremely good shape. Out of 10, how good were the greens? I’d give the greens 8 out of 10. They are very well kept, and run true. How inventive was the course (different obstacles / hole lengths)? As mentioned previously, the course layout is it’s main strength, with short holes mixed in with long ones, several holes with dog legs, and several hazards to avoid. I would personally like to see more water hazards on the course, as the short Par 3 5th is the only hole where you have the challenge of hitting over water.

How hilly / tiring was the course? There are some significant hills on the course, and provided you are fit / healthy, you should manage to get around the course carrying your golf bag without any issues. I would however suggest a trolley / buggy for those who aren’t overly fit (both of which you can hire from the pro shop). How good were the views? The views are amazing, especially on the back 9, which is the highest part of the course. How easily did you get through without being held up? Like last month, we were basically the first out on the course in the morning, and therefore we didn’t get held up. We did however see a few members who were very friendly, and got the impression that playing us through wouldn’t have been an issue. Conclusion? All in all the course is excellent, and I would highly recommend it. One thing I can guarantee is that you most certainly won’t get bored around the course, and the views themselves are worth the walk. It’s a course for all abilities, and one I look forward to playing again. All the best, Wannabe Pro.

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74 Jack Swan Tries Few will agree with me but I find bowls one of the most entertaining sports to watch (bare with me!!). It may have a reputation as a bit of an Old Man’s sport but there aren’t many sports that can change as much with the last move of a game which makes it entertaining (in my eyes) to watch; but to play? I thought I’d find out. It is incredible how many people are totally unaware of the indoor bowls centre in Pontardawe Leisure centre. It is huge! And really impressive in fairness but it is easily missed unless you know it is in there. It did have a bar alongside it but sadly that’s changed into a yoga hall or something of some sort, there were people doing things in there which didn’t look much like getting drunk anyway.....although thinking about it, that would possibly explain the positions they got themselves into!!

facilities are good here, better than Swansea because the prices are cheaper and you can book anytime. My Grandmother got me started and a few people I lived by as well; I met Alun and went from there!” I wasn’t expecting to be able to compete with Joe although I must confess that I had tried bowls once many years ago and I thought I’d be alright at it; it is after all just rolling a ball. We went straight into it anyway, there was no needless warm up, no essential safety drill; Alun simply showed us where we should be aiming and how we should hold and release the ball. We ensured that the

Nutter was on holiday this issue but AW-10 was in town and so I managed to drag him along to our tuition with Alun who is a trained bowls coach which I assume means that he’s been coached by a coach to coach. He’s obviously good at it too as I bumped into Joe Phillips when I was there who is 16 and representing Wales for the under 18s in Ireland coming up, he told me that “the

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76 Jack Swan Tries weight was on the right side (which I struggled with) and away we went. Here is our first end results; AW- 10 got some extra attention as he was awful; a bit of much needed advice! In fairness, he managed to listen a bit more than I did (I do struggle). He improved slightly,

but still not up to scratch as you can see here; Just for anyone who doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know who multi-platinum award winning hipster AW-10 is then he is all of that and also 2 foot 3 inches tall and so these bowls are far better than you think (and mine are the close ones)!!! I do all sorts of things weird (hence this magazine, nothing makes sense here does it? nothing is as it should be!!) and I was no different here, apparently I was supposed to have my left foot in front of my right foot for a right hander which just felt wrong. You donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do that in darts? I tried but then went back to accepting that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m weird and felt better. Our final game had a pint riding on it. AW-10 had improved more than I had but I still felt pretty comfortable. He put in a quality leg though and a real beauty of a bowl to get really close with one which left me with the final throw and trailing. I wanted to smash it but he had the best 3 bowls. I had to go for the perfect draw shot, the perfect shot, the one you dream of. Push it out there, drag it back in and take the jack with

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78 Jack Swan Tries your ball and steal the leg. This is what this game is about, this is what drew me to it, I felt the pressure, the anticipation, the fear from AW-10 was blatant and the excitement from Alun was equally as obvious: I sent it off and it went absolutely nowhere near where it was supposed to! I battered him but he won the one that mattered. Oh well. It was great fun though, it really was. Apparently you can have an hour on a court for £2. I’m not sure if that was per person or per court but either way, it is peanuts. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would put it in the same mould as games like snooker or darts although I probably enjoyed the bowls more and can imagine really enjoying the game should I improve.

of us would win and one would lose. That is why it is a brilliant spectacle in my eyes and it certainly does transfer to playing it. I really hope I do play again. I expect to and I hope to make the time to do so but it’s a really great and underrated game. I’d love to hear from one of you who do try it for a first time because I struggle to see who won’t find their £2’s worth! Get in touch! Anyone wishing to start the game, any age, any ability level, coaching starting soon on Friday afternoons. Pontardawe indoor bowls, Pontardawe leisure centre, Park Ynysterw, Pontardawe. 07970 823106

I’ve always thought that it would be great to be able to play snooker to a high standard, to be able to think three shots ahead and have total control of the cue ball. I actually think I’d rather be able to steal an end at bowls with the last throw and draw the jack out the only way that was possible. Genuinely, I did feel a buzz when going for that winner and one that doesn’t compare to many other sports. In darts, you can have a buzz when going for the double, in pool or snooker then you get that on the last black but it’s not final. Your opponent has to ‘mop up’, here it is final, that was the last bowl, there was never going to be another one after it and one

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80 Jack Swan Eats Food Last issue, we went UFO searching up the Brecon Beacons and I mentioned that you should never pass the Ancient Britton without having a pint. Well I had a couple of emails from people asking me where it was which made me feel like there are people in the world who are really missing out and so as a true martyr, I took it upon myself to pack my tent, go up there to camp, get drunk, eat food and tell you about the place right here; I have a tough life at times I must admit! I don’t get there as often as I’d like in truth, just because I don’t go passed it too often. It is a fantastic place, one of the few pubs left where you are instantly in any conversation the moment you set foot at the bar; whether you like it or not!!! I have eaten there on a number of times but it was the first time that I’d camped. £6 seemed like a steal too (I don’t think they are stupid; think they know they make quite a bit more behind the bar this way!!).

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82 Jack Swan Eats Food Ja�� Sw�� Eat� F�o� It is an ale drinker’s paradise with up to ten I havetoa choose slight confession to make. Lastisissue when I ate pints from, the only difficulty vegetarian foodone in an choosing which to Indian go for. and As I made was re-a slight deal about ‘trying being a Vegi’ ; II was actually viewing the place, I thought should get a in a bizarre time ofand my so lifeI where I wasn’t eating meat at all! It starter went for a starter of Olives lasted was the best of ato month and IIactually freaked which a crappart choice be honest, got myself out; I for, woke up one what I asked Olives withmorning a nice bitand of decided that I fancied getting slightly healthier; out beer and bread but it’s a pretty useless startercut really; meat; andfault; I didait!! not their foolish choice. That was slightly bizarre thing. The really, really I went forthe duck as a main meal, I absolutebizarre thingIwas reallyasenjoyed it. I loved eating ly love duck. wentthat for Ichips my potato different foods; challenge of going option and I wasthe really unimpressed to through a day andhonest. eatingI’m three consisted be notmeals one forthat things lookingof no meat. At no point did the slightest about the animals pretty but Iitcare wasin really boringly presented, involved; they putactually on this put planet so much so thatare it did me to off.be eaten! But I eating and actually Iwas never agreehealthier, with the cheaper saying ‘eat with your nicer food! eyes’ but it is true to an extent and first Anyway, I got that out of my impressions weren’t great. Thesystem! veg wasWhat also a weird month!!! I’m a there meatwas eating MANthat again!! Ring the pretty boring; nothing good chicken’s in reality. neck, cook it in some garlic and stick it on my plate!!!!! This issue I headed to Uplands; with Vegi!

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5-; 521465 & $''4 )#4&'0 &'.+)*67. 570&#; %#48'4; .+8' /75+% 0'9.; 4'(74$+5*'& .#8#<<# %1(('' %4'#/ 6'#

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84 Jack Swan Eats Food Ja�� Sw�� Eat� F�o� The duck was fine, the chips were fine, delivering Issue #34 to Vietnam (the issue with the veg were fine, sauce was fine but nothquite controversial burning American flag front cover); ing was particularly good and it didn’t there was something quite amusing about doing that work well together and it just seemed while there was a story in the Evening Post about the like a dish that wasn’t really thought ‘offensive’ cover. out and it just didn’t work at all. Anyway, we popped into the Uplands Tavern for one on I was disappointed in truth, mainly the way and we totally changed our minds and went to because I have eaten there many times Brewstones. This place pretty much sums up the before and it’s been great, the burger Uplands, it is pretty modern and high end and pretty they do there is brilliant and it is one of chic (that’s a pretty cool word right there isn’t it!): I the best pubs around without any shadfitted right in!! ow of a doubt but I was disappointed on this occasion and at the end of the We wait to get seated and shown to our table and just day; that’s what I’m writing about. to give you an idea of the place (if you don’t k now it), we got asked whether we wanted a ‘high table or a low I had a great night there, sampled a table’: not been asked that before but low was our good few beers, sat up the bar and request! spoke with the regulars, had a great evening but the food wasn’t up to their They don’t do starters; they do snacks and as we were usual standard. reviewing it I thought this would do as a substitute. I went for some Humus and flat bread: Manly!!! Vegi went for mushrooms and bread and the starter snacks were really good. I had a good lemon crust on the top

of the humus and all was good! Keeping with my manly food, I went for a spiced chicken and mango salad, while Vegi had a pizza. Both were awful. Vegi uses the place quite often and tried his best to put a positive slant on it; ‘I like the fact that they try new things and experiment’ was some of the words which left his mouth. I would prefer if they experimented and tried the food before adding it to the menu. This salad was really awfully thought out. It looked like a packet of salad, with some chicken in it, poorly cut mango (honestly; not even the cut was decent!) and the chilli was bitter, not a nice tasting chilli at all. I tried leathering it with mayonnaise but it still didn’t hide the taste; really poor. Drinks were nice enough (difficult not to be). £40 for the two of us was at the high end and the mains were nowhere near that value. I left pretty annoyed to be honest and feeling like I had been cheated somewhat. I have had a good pizza there before but speak as you find; this was one of the worse main meals I have ever had.

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Gamon Joint just £10. Usually £23

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Menu Del Dias Lunch (Mon - Sat 12 -2.30 pm) £9.95 2 Courses Dinner (Mon – Thurs 6 - 9:30pm) £15.00 2 Courses; £20.00 3 Courses A La Carte Menu & Tapas Menu also avaiable

KIDS EAT FREE With any Adult meal

86 Cars are interesting!!! there then the other consequence is that the emissions will come inside the vehicle and you will be breathing it in as will your passengers. Ok, that doesn’t sound very good No! If it a diesel then it is a different aspect of everything. You probably wouldn’t notice if a diesel exhaust fell off as they are not loud but you would notice the emissions coming into the vehicle. A certain amount of our customers come here because they want the exhaust to sound better. Ok, so I need an exhaust not to poison myself but what about the performance of the car. Does it make any difference? I have never understood the fascination about cars. As far as I’m concerned, they hold a purpose of getting me somewhere and that is it; but I’m the minority, loads of you take great pride in these things and I sometimes feel like I’m missing out. So I’m going to speak to people who know things about cars over the next few issues and they will try and teach me something and see if they can get me the remotest bit interested as I know Jack shite and care for them even less. To start off, I spoke to Lisa French from Longlife in Cwmdu about exhausts; can they be interesting? Apparently y they are to some of you??? Here goes... Let’s go right at the start because I genuinely know nothing, my mechanic has to change fuses, lights, you name it; So what is the purpose of an exhaust? What would happen if I didn’t have an exhaust? If a petrol vehicle didn’t have an exhaust system, if it had fallen off for example then it would be incredibly loud as the exhaust is there to muffle the noise which is given off when the gasses exit the engine. If you haven’t got that

If you had no exhaust on it then you would find that your vehicle would go quicker. The reason for this is that manufactured exhausts have chambers which slow the vehicle. We don’t do that here, we build everything free flowing; that doesn’t mean that it needs to be loud though; we can make that however you want it to sound. Why would anyone want a loud exhaust? I have never understood that You have the different age groups. You have the youngsters who want to be like all of their friends and they are car enthusiasts and they want to be within the car scene with all their mates, then you have the other band of women and men who have their family but also want to have their performance, extra break horse power and miles per gallon and they want a bit of a note. Then you have the men who have a midlife crisis and they come in their V8s and they are the ones who want a roar. They are the ones who when the drive past want every-

The Village Tavern, Clydach Family friendly community pub with major sports coverage and supporter of local charities & sports teams. Heated outdoor area. Car Park. Free Wifi. Pool Table.

Mon-Sun 11am-11:30pm 93-94 High Street, Clydach, Swansea 01792 843244

The

E L A S N KI Mumbles

Quiz Machine Bandit

Juke Box

Thursday: Tradnight (Traditional Irish Folk Singalong)

Pool Table Sunday: Karaoke

Live Music in September Fri 9TH Beatles Tribute Band Sat 10th The Revelator Fri 16th Deuce Sat 17th Crab Island Company Fri 23rd TBA Sat 24th DogHouse Fri 30th Henry Martins Ghost Sat 31st Fat Tuesday Fri 6th Nov Stargazer Deal of Month

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88 Cars are interesting!!! one to turn around and look at their car? You may think ‘that sounds nice, what is it?’ and you turn around and it’s a fiesta. But then you might get another one and it’s a mustang. So I suppose it is the first thing you notice about a car and so I can kind of see why that’s important to people who like their car? It all depends on what you are looking for, there are customers who are looking for noise, others looking for improvements in performance and the older generation who have retired and they want a little toy. So why are all exhausts at the back? Could I have one to go out the side? Yeah Why don’t they do that?

out at the side before the rear wheel and so we make the exhaust come out there; its smaller so less can go wrong and the gases are going out quicker again which is good. Sometimes, I have been behind a car and liquid is coming out of their exhaust. Why is that? Gasses turn to liquid at certain temperatures, as it cools, it is where the mixture has built up in the pipe work and then when they accelerate then you see it spewing out the back. That’s just condensation. OK, I feel like I can possibly enter a conversation about exhausts now, I think I have grasped the basics. I understand how they work and I can also get why people want a nice sounding and looking exhaust even if I don’t want it myself.......Yet.. Lisa did show me the inside of a silencer but I think that is a lesson for another day; let’s not run before we can walk!!

Here, we build everything from scratch to the vehicle. You tell us what you want and as long as it is feasible and safe then we can do it. What is the most bizarre exhaust that you have made? A couple of weeks ago we had a Landover discovery and they cut it in half and they had two stacks at the back and that was nice. So the emissions went up? Up like a truck yeah. I can see that being pretty cool actually! Classic cars, I have had some that go to the back and then kick out at the side as they felt that it looked like it had muscle and was nice. I get people with campers where it goes right up the back but they want it to come

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90 How to Advertise! It amazes me how many people ask the question ‘how do I get an advert in there?’ when we drop off the magazines. In fairness, we do have quite a bizarre system but for those of you who haven’t worked it out yet, here it is:Firstly, get a large pot. Large enough for you to get into yourself; eBay is a good place to search but be careful and always pay attention to the delivery charges as pots of this size can be very expensive to deliver. Once you have the pot, you will need to start a fire. Outside is usually best but if it’s raining then I suggest you break into a large hall, maybe a community centre where you may be able to use some wooden chairs as firewood. Make sure the ceilings are high enough and open windows to let the smoke out. So once you get the fire going, you can put the pot on top of the fire. Be careful, make sure it is stable and secure but you’re clearly not stupid as you have already got this far and followed these instructions very well. Next you will need a little oil. Engine oil is ideal but sunflower oil would suffice. Next is the tricky bit, you will need a small ginger and white cat. Please be aware that you can only start looking for the cat once the fire has started and the oil warm. Don’t cheat with this; don’t think that you can catch the cat then start the fire because it simply won’t work! Once you have managed to catch the ginger and white cat then release it; it holds no purpose. What do you

think we were going to do? Ask you to skin it alive and put it in the pot? Come on!! Next is slightly wacky I must admit. You dial the following into your phone; zero, seven, eight, eight, zero, three, six, nine, five, four, five and then press the call button. Somebody should answer the phone and you can book or discuss the options with that person. That person will tell you what to do with the pot when you speak to them. Incidentally, if you actually did buy a pot, start a fire in a community centre, traumatised and then released a ginger and white cat then I suggest trying this number before contacting us: ‘nine, nine, nine’ and just explain what you have done and make it very clear that you had no instructions from anybody to do anything....

As well as 5,000 copies printed and delivered from Mumbles to Abercrave and Britton Ferry to Gowerton. Our online magazine is viewed the world over! www.jackswan.co.uk

Best Football Shirt of the Week! Wear your football shirt into Cutting Corner in Mumbles when you have your hair cut and not only will you get 50p off your haircut but the best shirt each week will have their picture in the window and right here in Jack Swan magazine. Get your retro kit out!

Cutting Crew MUMBLES Gents and kids hair studio

Price List: Gents Cuts - £8.00 Student (under 16’s) - £7.00 / Under 5’s £3.50 - £5.00 Senior Citizens - Cut all over - £6.50. Back & Sides £6.00 Shave all over - £6.00 / Beard Trim - £3

Opening Times Mon - Fri 9 - 5:50 Saturday 9 -5 Deal of Month

66 Newton Road, Mumbles, Swansea

01792 367136

kellymmons@hotmail.co.uk

50p off when you wear a football shirt!! PLUS have your ears off if you wear a Cardiff one!!

Swanning Round the Universe COINCIDENCES IN SPACE... So there was a red Moon on the night that Wales beat the english.

The scientific explanation* is that all that merlinite beneath the surface of the ground, that filters our water and feeds our crops and cattle here in Wales, felt such a surge of Welsh power, passion pride... that it glowed daringly out into the celestial heavens lighting up the Moon and roaring.red.to.the.cosmos. The cosmos be told. This is the time of Wales. Shame the Swans play in white... (Tan has it right. He knows exactly what to do at Cardiff. Good man Tan) How's that for Coincidence in Space. Ha. It won't happen again until...well October without the eclipse bit. Search it. * , The sun gives us light radiation which reflects back off our surface. The reflected red light can escape through our atmosphere but blue not so well. The blue is absorbed leaving a seemingly blue sky. The escaping red light shines on the moon giving it the red colour. The red is particularily potent when the sun is going down over the horizon adding to the effect which on this night, the night of a Supermoon**, reflected wonderfully off a particularly vibrant and full Moon. **Supermoon. When the moon is at it's closest to us in its monthly orbit if it is a full or new moon, as it was Saturday/Sunday, then it is known as a Supermoon. . Paddy Stradlin

s l a i c e p Our S

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FREE Bottle of wine with two people having lunch if you answer bonus question on page 68

The Secret Breakfasteer

As it stands at the moment 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th 8th 9th 10th

Brownsters Café, Clydach The Penny Black, Burry Port Bro's Café Port Talbot The Skyline Café, Glyncorwg mountain bike cenre Uplands Dinner Changs Tambinis Express The Junction Café on roundabout Ystalyfera Fairdeal Café, Llansamlet Ponty Café

26 25.5 24.5 24 23.5 21.5 21 20.5 20 17.5

My all day breakfast consisted of: 2 sausages, fried bread, 1 egg, slice of toast, tomatoes, beans, mushrooms, hash brown, bacon, black pudding.

My wife thoroughly enjoyed her breakfast. The eggs were good, bacon nicely cooked and an impressive selection was available for a tailored breakfast.

After a 3 issue absence I am back with a fresh breakfast review coming from ‘The Café on the Square’ in the centre of Pontardawe, a frequent haunt of the Swansea legend Alan Tate.

The only drawback I found with the café was the lack of parking nearby.

We were able to park on a street quite close to the café. The closest car park layout has recently been As it was recently my wife’s birthday I took her with me! changed and unfortunately there is now less available spaces in a very popular facility. I ordered a full breakfast form a friendly waitress, my wife choose her own selection of breakfast favourites minus bacon. Both meals came to under £10. Now to the scores… Quality = 8/10 It was a good job we had a lot to talk about as it took a Location = 7/10 good half an hour for the food to arrive. Value = 8/10

23 30

We pay up to

TEN times

more for your

babies pre-loved clothes*

0 3 Simple steps to selling the clothes that no longer fit your loved one:

Step 1

Take photo of items you want to sell and text them to 07711 202712

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Recieve a conditional offer via text message for your items

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Arrange pic-up/ delivery and get money sent directly to your account!

All Clothes must be in Excellent condition

*up to ten times more than cash collection companies buying on weight per bag.

96 P n - es P��n�-�es� P��n��n�! P n n ! We have all been there, (well those of us with kids) the football is on TV and we don’t get to watch hardly any of it as we are too busy entertaining the little monsters. I asked Claire from Munchkinos Childminding to try and come up with a solution. As Halloween is of approaching I thought I would The celebration International Fairy Day duringbeJune FRIGHTFULLY helpfulfor with some ideas. on the gave me inspiration a new activity Thiskeeping is one that children watchinthe Match. can start entertained outside and whilst end upyou indoors time for the Halloween is apoints monthshould long affair in this house ,don’t match. Bonus be awarded for fresh air be afriad to startand the guilt theme as football early as you want and and creativity free watching should stretch it out . www.facebook.com/munchkinos ensue. Indoor Gardens The children at Munchkinos really enjoyed making fairy gardens outside and asked if they could take them home to show their parents. So we came up with the idea of recreating the gardens in empty shoe boxes. It's a very activity can keep your little munchkins going for ages. It doesn't have to be a fairy garden. We have made monster homes, alien planets, prehistoric lands , farms, parks and a jungle the possibilities are endless. (See photos; scale obviously not important Smiling face (black and white)) What you need An empty container (shoe box or similar) Any small toys/props your child decides An imagination How to create your garden Spend some time with your child exploring the garden, park or any green space. Take some time to collect bits they think would help to create a

Build a Halloween den youthem needlook prehistoric even painted the stonesWhat to make (for the dinosaur garden). String/wool Take all of your materials Plastic spiders, pumpkins, skulls etc. inside along withghosts, an empty box and allow your child Cottonthe wool to be creative whilst you watch football. They can Using either string or wool make a ‘spider web’ in the room and get the children to hang smiling eyes decorations from it. They can also open up cotton wool balls to add to the spooky effect. Encourage them to read spooky stories or even www.facebook.com/munchkinos make them up. Add a spooky lucky dip, place some plastic toys or Halloween treats into a bowl , add cotton wool and cooked spaghetti ( we dye ours red) and see what they can find. Halloween Games There are lots of free colouring in templates on line, print some off, add crayons and place them into the spooky den. Bobbing apples, quick to set up ,and a fun and easy activity, you could even add a blind fold to make it a little harder. Dress up as a Mummy: give your children a roll of toilet paper each and tell them to dress each other up as Mummy’s. If your child is an only child you get to be the Mummy Pumpkin Carving Pumpkin carving is always a great activity and can last for ages. Encourage your child to draw a picture on to it and help to carve it out. For younger children accessorise your pumpkin with Mr. Potato head body parts.

Deal of Month

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FREE BOTTLE OF WINE

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Evening Meals Sunday to Thursday. Booking Advisable

Free Desert with 3 course meal (sunday - Thursday)

98 Quiz Answers Chris Carra Quiz: 1) In 1913 against Pontypridd, at the end of their very first season 2) Ivor Allchurch, with 164 goals 3) Local musician Roger Evans wrote and recorded it in 1979 4) The Who - at the Vetch in 1976 and the Liberty in 2007 5) Andy Legg, with 15 goals in all competitions 6) He was stuck in traffic traveling from Bristol to Swansea 7) Just once, on 22 January 1980 in the Welsh Cup (Swansea won 4-0) 8) 10 times - the third most successful team in the competition, following Cardiff and Wrexham 9) He runs a cognac business in France! 10) West Brom. Swansea won 3-0 at the Liberty thanks to goals from Scott Sinclair, Leroy Lita and Nathan Dyer. Mind Puzzles: 1) Ohio 2) A mailbox. 3) A Tounge 4) A Dentist 5) A Lobstor 6) A musical Note Vital Informatoin Mario Balotelli was used as the face for the ‘never go back campaign’ in Italy encouraging people to be careful around fireworks. Come on, that was obvious

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D N U FO

Someone Clever!!

We have found someone clever! I’d love to hear from other clever people though. Be good to have a specialist writing something interesting in the magazine. Get In touch 07880 369545 info@jackswan.co.uk

Don’t Foget To Show Your Card! If In Doubt; ASK!!!

Lookat atthe the Look bottomof ofeach each bottom advertto tosee see advert whatspecial special what offeryou youwill will offer get with withyour your get Jack Swan Swancard. card. Jack Haveyou youused used Have yoursyet? yet? yours

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& CONSERVATORIES & CONSERVATORIES

M.P.N M.P.N

OPENOPEN 9AM9AM TO 9PM TO 9PM 7 DAYS 7 DAYS A WEEK A WEEK

THE WORLD THE WORLD FAMOUSFAMOUS VEKA SUPER VEKA SUPER EFFICIENT EFFICIENT A RATED A WINDOWS RATED WINDOWS AND DOORS AND DOORS THAT SAVES THAT SAVES YOU MONEY YOU MONEY ON YOUR ONFUEL YOURBILLS FUELWITH BILLSA WITH 10 A 10 YEAR GUARANTEE. YEAR GUARANTEE.

ON ALL ONMPN ALL MPN WINDOWS WINDOWS YOU YOU CAN EXPECT CAN EXPECT QUALITY QUALITY AND THE AND THE FOLLOWING FOLLOWING AS STANDARD: AS STANDARD: