Issue 47 by Jack Swan

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Editorial Race to Player of the Year Tates Tales What The Fans Think Jokes By Spense Take the Money What fans think 2 Swans Eleven History Quiz Vital Information Mind Puzzles Fantasy Football The Top 2 Inches Picture Quiz Jokes By Spense Mel’s Memories Pictures Of The Month Name the Car More From Spense

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Jack Swan Awards Swaning Around The Universe Parentless Parenting Quiz Answers

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It has been a pretty crazy month hasn’t it!

Safety is now secure, we have reached that magic 40 points mark! Personally, I think 36 will be enough but then I thought that Monk would manage us for decades to come and we all know where that got me! Talking managers, things are a bit weird at the moment aren’t they! We have a manager in place that on paper has done a remarkable job, he’s taken us from being in a serious relegation scrap to looking a pretty safe mid-table bet! But nobody wants him to stay around! He will leave (I’m pretty sure) this summer and he will head home with a huge amount of pride and thanks from all of us. He will be our Winston Churchill, he will be remembered fondly, he was great for the fight but we all seem to want someone else to do the rebuilding! Names are being thrown around, Wales online has the daily ‘click here!!’ bulleting on facebook which inevitably gets us excited about something or someone but everything has been thrown right up in the air with the potential of new owners and the American investment. I’m not one for paper talk really, generally I like to wait and see what happens but it is hard not to get curious and have a little guess at what our future holds. I saw a £30 million transfer kitty being mentioned as though it was some kind of war chest!

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Surely that is the bare minimum of any Premier League team next year before any outside investment is added! I don’t know, I think I may go back to waiting and seeing because I don’t tend to be that good at guessing!

Things are looking really good for the club on the pitch once again though. All of a sudden there are a few real sparks amongst the squad and we should be able to improve over the coming months and there is no reason why we shouldn’t expect a good campaign next season. What is a good campaign though? Did we have one this year? Safety in the top flight! What is our goal? How much do we want to push? Is this what we need outsiders for? I say ‘outsiders’ in a ‘League of Gentlemen’ way because we are locals, this is a local club for local people! We will have no riff raff here! The club may well be about to change beyond recognition, it could be that we have massive investment, a new stadium, Brazilian playing staff and a Chilean coach! It may be like building a Tesco in Royston Vasey (or Banwen), in many ways it is probably needed, it is called progress in some camps but there will be no turning back once it is done! It is a bit like starting the Jack Swan awards! The genie is out of the bottle now. Pictures and results are towards the back of the magazine, it was an unbelievable night, massive thanks to all that came and all of you who voted and had anything to do with it! This issue is the best that we have put together. In fact, it is the best magazine that anyone has ever put together, don’t take my word on it; keep reading, you will enjoy!

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Race to Player of the Year

These are the top three as it stands for the race to be Jack Swan player of the year! 1st Siggy He is in danger of finishing the season too well, I think there may be people sniffing around our Icelandic goal scorer. Whether he would go is hard to know, he’s obviously had some times in his career where he sat on the bench, he watched Eriksen a lot when at Spurs and he didn’t have a great time out in Germany either but I expect that he will have some interest over the Summer. He’s bloody good isn’t he! There are few better finishers, quality with either foot and his attitude is exactly what you want in a footballer! This time last year we seemed to build our side around Jonjo, well assuming that he stays, we have to look at how we can continue to get the very best out of our very best player! He should be an example to everyone, his work rate is immense and he quietly gets on with his job. A few months back, I wrote here that we will learn who you’d want in the trenches with you during this relegation scrap; I want Siggy!!! 2nd Ash Chris Coleman will be delighted that his captain is back to his very best right in time for his trip to France and it has been timely for us in our quest for forty points too. There isn’t really anything that I can say about him which I haven’t thirty times already but he’s a rock. You often hear about a focal point of an attack but Ash is that to our defence; it is all about him. When he is playing well, we keep clean sheets, when he isn’t then we ship goals with a seriously worrying regularity. His form at the start of this campaign and over the last couple of months have been superb and it os over this time that we have amassed basically all our points. I say it this time every year but he has to stay over the Summer. If he and Siggy stay, keep fit and on form then we survive next year; it is pretty much that simple. 3rd Leon If Leon isn’t starting the first game of next season then we have employed a dumpty of a manager!! (Either that or Leons injured) I don’t understand why he has to continually prove himself, it is weird. It is probably the biggest stain on Monks managerial time with us (even more so than the fat French full back) the fact that he didn’t realise the importance of the greatest player to play for this club. Football is a lot easier when you have the ball and any team will have the ball a lot more when this man is in their side. A wonderful footballer, a selfless footballer, a unique footballer and one who has many, many more great games and years left in him in a Swansea shirt!

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Tates Tales

Our next chat with Alan Tate looks at the 09-10 season and the departure of Martinez in the Summer.

everything; how much of a come down was it in the dressing room? It must have been enormous

I remember sitting in the pub with a few mates the day that Martinez was linked to the Wigan job and he was also touted for the Celtic job too and I remember saying that he had said that ‘he was pushed out as a player and would need to be pushed out as a manager too’; did you sense that he was going to leave?

Not really no because there was a few of us that had been around and seen managers come and go before. I think what left a bitter taste was that he said those words about ‘I was pushed out as a player and I will have to be pushed out as a manager’. I think that when you start saying things like that and the fans buy into it then you’re making a rod for your own back. If you don’t mean it then don’t say it.

Erm, no. I think that he had a good season with us and you felt that it might take him one more good season before he would leave and so no, I don’t think that it ever crossed my mind really. How did you find out?

Agree 100%. Brendan left and I never had a problem with that, Martinez left and it was different. Did you feel angry yourself? No, not at all.

Me and Monk were in Vegas actually and he had a text through and I had a text through and that was how we found out.

Was there anyone in the dressing room who felt that?

From Robbie? No, from different people. I think mine might have been from my mates.

Yeah there would have been. Especially the foreign lads. Like I said before, when you get brought in by a manager then you expect them to stay for a while but me personally; no. I had got used to different managers coming in and going so I was fine.

Was that a bad way of finding out? Erm, no because Rob rang us when we got back because he was still having his wedding in Swansea and me, Monks and Leon went to the wedding and it was all fine. It left a really bitter taste in my mouth that; I could even go as far as saying that I haven’t enjoyed football as much since that day; I felt genuine love for the guy, genuine belief in what he was doing for the club, the philosophy, I bought into

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And then the fascinating Paolo Sousa, a Champions League winner; what do you think it was like for him, to go from what he was used to to Swansea City? A lot easier than it would have been a couple of years earlier. He was brilliant he was, he used to join in in training, he was unbelievable, kept the ball so well. He taught Joe Allen a great deal, especially when he would join in in training. He would read Joes passes, you could see Joe getting angry that he was reading him. Joe picked up a lot from Paolo, he improved massively that season. I think that you saw a difference between how Juventus was run and how Swansea was run but he come in and he done his job, he done well. Monk was out a lot that season and so you played centre back and captained the side for most of it; how did you enjoy that campaign?

prioritises a clean sheet or is there in some way more pressure because you know we aren’t going to score many? To be honest, you don’t really think about it because my priority is a clean sheet anyway. I remember that season and the wingers were basically full backs Oh, if we went 1-0 up then we knew that we were going to win the game. Obviously the flip side of that is that if we went 1-0 down then how are we going to get into the game but fortunately enough, we went 1-0 up more than we went down. It’s not something I ever thought about really, whether to prioritise this or that, as a defender then I always prioritised defending and clean sheets.

I loved it, another one that I got player of the year. Another one which I enjoyed. I settled more into centre half because Monks was injured, I only played a handful of games at left back, me and Ash had a good partnership at centre half, we kept a record number of clean sheets that the club has had and so yeah, I really enjoyed. I don’t think that there has been a season at the club that I haven’t enjoyed really, apart from the injuries but that is part and parcel of the job. Is it enjoyable being a defender and having a manager who

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Wha� �� F�n� T�� Question for the mag: Who would you like to see managing our first game next season and why? Terry Miller It has to be Guidolin hes more than earned the right to a new contract. He needs time to build the squad he needs and see it come to fruition. Some people don't realise that his philosophy is to press high and attack with two wingers but before that can happen he needed to secure our survival from which was a very precarious situation.its now job done. Hope HJ is a man of his word and offers him a new contract, it will be well deserved .

Carl Mcnaught Chris Coleman. A true jack

Emyr Evans Phillip Cocu. He's with PSV at the moment but could be tempted by the Prem and a team that has solid foundations with regards to the way we play. He would bring champions league experience and possibly champions league quality players. Just a thought........

Raf Morgan Pep Gaurdiola - why? Well it's obvious lol

Cliff Llewellyn not this manager, he s wrecked our playing style Denzil Howells Jose mouhrino Geoff Manning Tosh Buddy Hill Kevin cullis

Daniel Era Peter nicholas Tony Davies Urai Emery

Jonathan Scott: Brendan. No question. Today showed how badly we've been managed since the cup win. Ed Johns Anyone but Rodgers Richard Davies Think we should have gone for rafa benitez ahead of guidolin, maybe kept him on for next season, knowing jenkins he'll pull someone from left field we've never heard of. Rodgers or Bergkamp would be OK Leon Owen Brendan Rodgers . Get back to playing football Clare Lewis Somebody who will get us back playing the Swansea city way x

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Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!' Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?'So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?' Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?' Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?' Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.' ' Yeah, well there's just one thing.' 'What's that?' 'Have you farted yet?' 'No.' 'Well, DON'T, ' cause I'm in Perth . After having their 11th child, a Cardiff couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one. The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Cardiff fan said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.' 'Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand

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When their chance comes then it is down to them to take it. I always look at Jazz, he has had a couple of years where he wasn’t being picked but he’s been a really good pro, he’s trained hard, he’s a good bloke, we haven’t had any trouble out of him and his chance has come and he is in. Ben was the same, Tayls got injured and he was in.

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16 Take the Money & Run!! Supporting a football club means that you would do anything for your club of choice! You would rather starve than miss a match, you would prefer to be set on fire than to even say the correct name of your biggest rivals and you would happily sacrifice a child if it meant that your side would win a football match!! And then we sadly grow up, well most of us do. I’m going to level with you, none of that applies to me anymore, it did when I was about thirteen or fourteen (I didn’t have a child then!!) but then life moves on and you realise things. I realised that not all Cardiff fans are total w&nkers; some of them are perfectly nice deluded idiots. And let me level with you some more; if I owned 20% shares in the Swans then I wouldn’t think twice about cashing in and if you had any apprehensions then you are either thirteen or really need to get your priorities straight. I don’t know the finances of our board of directors, I imagine that their bank balances look slightly healthier than yours or mine but I also imagine that you’d notice £20 million being added to it. These aren’t massively wealthy individuals, these are people who stumped up some cash thirteen odd years ago and have struck gold and I for one say good on them and I have no issues with them wanting to sell whatsoever.

Do I want them to sell? No. but that is very different to whether they should or not, at the end of the day, these are people with families. Without getting too morbid, life is pretty short, the idea of having a load of money to waste on holiday homes and world cruises sounds like money and time well spent and an absolute no brainer for the people in question! I have loved the fact that we are a club run by local business people and ones who aren’t elitist and have roots here. I don’t want that to change but it isn’t about me, I can’t strap them into their seats and force them to continue to sit at board meetings and its naïve, wrong and foolish of us to attempt to. With respect (because they deserve a lot!) I don’t really think that it is healthy for a football club to have owners who don’t really want to be there either and I get the feeling that that has been the case for a while. Has the stadium expansion been pushed that hard? Would you? If you wanted out? I get the impression that heads have been turned and I think that any of us would be the same, I doubt that any of us will ever hear the whole truth but it’s pretty clear that at least a few board members want to take their cash and run. And personally, I’d say good luck to every one of them, thank you for being there when we desperately needed you, thank you for the journey but please keep a little nest egg aside just in case we need you again one day!!

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Wha� �� F�n� T�� Question for the mag: Would you welcome American investment into the club?

Martin Davies Yes-only if it for the good of the swans , and help swans build for the future and not put swans in heavy debt and keep swans has a family and local club not a giant of a club to feed off Alister Wheeler no controversial front covers!! haha Martin Davies A few decent players Aled Jones The two guys linked to take over sound like very astute business men. One has a good history of sports success and negotiating massive signings, the other has a very good record of maximising revenue and profitability. Exciting times! Martin Davies Sounds good to me - yes hope they do well for swans Benji Dorward From what I read, Huw and another board member will stay and the supporters trust will keep their 21% steak and board seat... So not a complete takeover Julia Manser I m a bit scared

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Ash Swansea Jack Thomas Partly yes as long as they do not make all the decisions. we could do with the extra money to buy new players also. Robert Lewis I want to know why? Why would two businessmen from across the pond want to invest in little old Swansea city? What are they going to get out of it? The club is being run very well in, my opinion. Obviously we need to get a manager in permanently and build on what we have but do we really need such a drastic change? Makes me a little scared if I'm honest. These big money investors pick people up and can drop them again when and if they get bored. Suppose we'll just have to trust in the board Martin Davies Money talks Steven Edwards No Nicky Jenkins No STID Don Morgan Its a no from me. Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. People

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Swans Eleven

This issue we have a Swans eleven from Michael Howard. I said this before but he was the answer to Englands left back issues all those years back, ever dependable. They would have won a major tournament if they had only visited the Vetch from time to time! Goalkeeper: Its only Rodge really isn’t it mate! All the others were awful ha ha, No Rodge was great, it was brilliant to have him around the dressing room. He should have played higher obviously but he stuck with the swans, he’s a local lad isn’t he. He was horrible to sit next to after the game, he used to scratch his arse and throw his undies at you and scratch his arse and throw sandwiches at you. But he was such a good keeper he was safe he used to come out and catch the ball at corners he was a brilliant keeper. Centre halve: I’m going to go for three centre halves. I have to put Tatey in there smudge and Boundy. Smudge was the big ugly one who used to head the ball, I’m sure that is what they all say. Smudge was my best mate when he was down here, we lived close together, we always spent a lot of time together and it was such a shame to see him go through what he did to be honest and to see how much it affected him personally, it was hard for him because he was in such good form at the time, he was quick, his passing, he would spread 50 yard balls sometimes. He was great at heading the ball and winning tackles but he was quick! People didn’t realise how quick he was. To see him go through the operation, it was tough for him but he was a great player and a great lad as well. He’s keeping all the plastic surgeons in business now getting his ears pinned back and stuff like that now.

really play for Manchester united. Then he starts playing football and you realise why he was there; he was a great player. Do you remember when Tate first signed for the Swans in division 3 and just running through the defences? Normally we was on the half way line and Tatey was on the edge of the box waiting to get the ball of Rodge, with Rodge having a heart attack. We were used to hitting it in the channels and playing it long but him and Britts were the start of things really. Do you think he wasn’t really given a chance in the premier league? He never lets anyone down, if he was a couple of years younger maybe he would have been in his prime and maybe played a good few more games in the premiership with the swans. Matthew Bound: Boundy, yes, left side of the three, I used to play along side Boundy for 2 or 3 years and I think we complimented each other well in the time we played together and kept a lot of clean sheets. He was intelligent, was a good talker and I thought we had a good combination going. He’s just a good lad, nice guy all round, off the pitch he was brilliant, always organising

Tatey is Tatey isn’t he! he doesn’t look like a footballer but you get him on the pitch and he was brilliant, he was great with the ball, a great lad to have around the place as well, Tatey was great. He came in having a sausage sandwich on the coach and your thinking did this lad

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24 Swans Eleven the lads nights out and we had a good spirit then. Solid defender one of the first names on your team sheet. Wing backs, I’m going to go for JJ!! Jason price as right wing back, obviously in my changing room I want my lads who like a good night out and JJ was always someone who liked a good night out with us. He kept the team spirit going, he was a good lad. He has gone on to have a great career and done really well for himself. He has hasn’t he, Jason price popped up recently in one of the Swans 11s and I was saying how he was playing on at Doncaster until he was about 37, he was playing quite late wasn’t he? Yes he was playing on for a long time and then he went on to league of Wales then. When he played with us, if you had of said he would play centre forward we would have laughed but he’s done really well and I know he played at one of my old clubs Tranmere and he was really liked up there and Morecambe he was well liked. He’s had a good career, good energy up and down, also good for a night out but I’m not too sure about his dress sense and a few dodgy haircuts as well. There is a theme going through my dressing room isn’t there ha ha.

he wanted to do. He would turn up to training when he wanted, he was always late so there was no point in fining him anyway because he was going to be late, possibly maybe one of the lads who could have gone away from Swansea and maybe would have kicked on with his career. There was times when I first came down that I remember there was a few scouts watching him in a few games, he was a good player, a good kid, he was hard working, always used to track back which helped me out. He had a great work rate and didn’t get the credit he deserved for that, good energy and good feet as well and a good lad. We are going to have a good Christmas party with this team!

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26 Swans Eleven Andrew Mumford: Good mates with Mumf, yet again a good lad to have in the dressing room, I think this team would be good away from home as well because we have got a lot of players who can dig in and get a result. Mumf was a good footballer, two footed, good set piece delivery, got us goals and from corners and free kicks he was great really. He probably under performed in his career really he would probably admit that himself. You can’t take anything away from him! When he played for the swans he was excellent. Mumf, ability wise was well up there and he looks like Smithy!!! Leon Britton: Britts is the main man isn’t he! I remember his first couple of training sessions and this lad had turned up from West Ham, this young kid and you just couldn’t get the ball of him, between him and Andy Robinson in training I think they had the ball for about 45 minutes. It was pointless anyone else being there they were so good, Leon Britton and Mumf would be the two

holding midfielders, I think that was the good thing with Mumf when he was fit, he could really get around the pitch so I would have them two pulling the strings for me. Are you surprised to see Leon playing in the premiership now or not? Not really, the only surprise really was Sheffield United because at the time it was a good move for him but the type of team Sheffield United was at the time they were a long ball side which wouldn’t suit Britts but at the end

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28 Swans Eleven of the day Britts is a great lad who has always got time for you and no one has a bad word about him and again; he likes a night out as well. it’s all about team spirit. It’s like Leicester now, they have a great team spirit and I think it helps moral and makes a massive difference, you have got to have a good dressing room as well. Andy Robinson: I spoke to Trunds about this before and I think he is one of the players with the most ability I have ever seen, ability wise he was probably the best player I played with when I was at Swansea. He came from the same area as I did. I was surprised that he wasn’t playing for Leeds more because I would definitely have said that he could have played at a higher level, he was two footed, lovely balance again, scored goals from free kicks. You can imagine there would be a few fights for free kicks between him and Mumf. He was class and again another good lad to have around. Striker: I’m not going to go for Julsey, he’s a cart Horse. I think he scored like 3 when we won the league something like that. You can’t have a centre forward scoring 3 goals!! It is shocking, he was only in the team to defend corners ha ha. I’m going to go for Walter Boyd, a good player who liked a sneaky night out, he would like a sly night out. You would see him in the corner somewhere, you know he was one of them. He lit up the place when he was here, he was a good character to have around, he didn’t like training, didn’t like the cold weather but when he went on to the pitch, ability wise he was fantastic and it was there for everyone to see. Ability wise we had some decent strikers at the time Giovanni Savarese, Watkins and Jules. But goal scoring wise I think Walter was the natural goal scorer out of them all. Trunds it had to be Trunds alongside him, I think Trunds speaks for himself really doesn’t he; what a player!

How exiting was it when a player like Trundle first came training? I don’t think people gave him enough credit for his training because he was a bit overweight because he hadn’t played for a while when he came to us. But as soon as he got his kit on he trained as hard as anyone. When you have got people like Robinson, Britts, Trunds and Roberto in training it gives everyone a lift, how has mumf got in ahead of Roberto? That’s a shocker that! He was probably coming to the end when he came to us but he was a great player like a father in the dressing room Martinez was but when you play with better players it makes you play better doesn’t it! Subs: Martin Thomas, I was good mates with Thommo. I

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30 Swans Eleven think he was underrated really when we won the league. He had a great work rate, liked to think he was the hard man but he had ability as well. He could score a goal but a good man to have on the pitch organising everything. When you go to some tough places where you want to keep a clean sheet he was good to have about. Roberto Martinez: Lovely, Lovely lad, he was frightfully nice sometimes really, he was such a nice guy who loves his football, it is no surprise he is a manger now it’s what he always wanted.

signed a 36 year old car sales man when he took over, then he had open trials at the Vetch when there was load of Swansea Sunday league players playing who turned up for trials at the vetch, our recruitment that year was class ha ha. Big thanks to Michael Howard for this! I think Mumf would want me to mention Jeremy Kyle as you got a Smithy one in!!

Giovanni Savarese. Again such a nice guy, speaks about five or six languages. He was such an intelligent lad, all the wives and girlfriends loved him because he was so nice. We rocked up one day at Darlington and he was sat there on the piano playing a U2 song, he could do anything really it was sickening. Lovely lad and a great player as well, great in the air. Best Manager: Johnny Hollins was a great man manager. Players wanted to run through brick walls for him but he was ruthless in his own way as well, I don’t think he was given credit for that. We had some dodgy managers, Cussack was the worst ever. He

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32 History Quiz 1) in 1999?

What was the name of the goalkeeper who scored a last minute goal to keep Carlisle in the football league

In what year was the replay replaced by extra-time and penalties in an FA Cup final?

Which team has played in the most FA Cup finals without winning it?

Who in the 2009–10campaign, became the first club in English football to have won promotion from every division of the Football League via the play-off system? (come on, that’s a great question!! Credit where it is due!!!)

How many goals did Jamie Vardy score in his 36 games for Fleetwood?

How old was Brendan Rodgers when he retired from playing football?

How old is Fabrizio Ravanelli?

How many games did Gareth Bale play for Southampton?

What is the highest league that Cheltenham Town F.C. have played in?

10)

Why is Mark Hughes such a prick?

Answers on page 98

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34 Vital Information As we celebrate our safety thanks to Siggy, we look at his native country. Here are 31 statements about Iceland, 30 are true. I made one up, can you tell which one? 1.

A majority of Icelanders believe in elves.

15. But there aren’t any McDonald’s Restaurants anywhere in Iceland. 16.

In 2010 Iceland banned strip clubs.

2. At about 39,000 square miles, Iceland is small – close to the size of Ohio.

17. Roughly 85 percent of Iceland’s energy is from renewable resources, and well over half of that is geothermal alone.

3. average.

There is a volcanic eruption every 4 years on

18. Icelandic horses display two additional gaits as compared to all other breeds.

There are no forests in Iceland.

Beer remained illegal in Iceland until 1989.

19. First names not previously used in Iceland must be approved by the Icelandic Naming Committee.

6. At 43.5 hours per week, they have the longest work week in Europe. 7. The Icelandic language remains unchanged from ancient Norse. That means 1,000-year-old texts are still easily read. 8. nap.

Babies in Iceland are routinely left outside to

9. There are no surnames or family names in Iceland – Icelanders use the traditional Nordic naming system, which includes a last name that is comprised from their father’s (or mother’s) first name with the addition of -dóttir (-daughter) or -son. 10. 60% of the Icelandic population lives in Reykjavík. 11. Iceland’s revenue from whale watching exceeds any income from whaling. 12. Usually a temperate country, not too hot or cold, the highest temperature recorded was 30.5 °C (86.9 °F) at the Eastern fjords in 1939. 13. Iceland had the first democratically elected female and openly gay Prime Ministers. 14. Consumption of Coca–Cola per capita is higher than in any other country.

20. Iceland was one of the last places on earth to be settled by humans. 21. nation.

Icelanders watch more movies than any other

22. Iceland is home to one of the world’s oldest democracies; established in 930. 23. In Iceland owning a pet snake, lizard or turtle is against the law. 24.

The country’s national sport is handball.

25. force.

Iceland does not have an army, navy or air

26.

Mosquitoes do not exist in Iceland.

27. £5.

In Iceland, you can buy 3 bags of chicken for

28. Per capita Iceland has the highest number of book and magazine publications and 10% of the country’s population will publish a book in their lifetimes. 29. Icelandic telephone directories list Icelanders by first name alphabetically. 30. In 2010, 97.6% of Icelandic population had Internet connection. 31. Raw puffin heart is considered a delicacy.

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Schmeichel: Leicester: £4.9 I heard somewhere that since Liverpool last won the title, Peter Schmeichel had won a few himself and then had a kid, who went to school, grew up and is about to win it himself! Madness!! 4 clean sheets on the bounce; I don’t need to explain why I’m throwing him in! Van Aanholt: Sunderland £4.7 million It is that time of the year where you look at the bottom three and start poaching players and I wouldn’t mind getting this left back into our squad! He’s very dangerous going forwards and he strikes me as a winner and a big match player. I expect some heroics over the coming weeks. That’s why I’m picking him, go get him Huw!! Coutinho: Liverpool £8.2 He seems to be on the very top of his game right now and I got to say that he’s a wonderful player to watch. He scores goals and creates them, still young and continually improving. Klopp seems to have found out how to play him and I can see him and Liverpool going on a little run from here on in. Mitrovic: Newcastle: 6.2 million I’ve not really made my mind up with this guy but on his day he is certainly a handful. We were supposedly linked with him over the summer although it is difficult to see how his attitude would fit in with our clubs….. Bit like Gomis really. Newcastle are going to ship and score goals until the end of the season. A big striker seems likely to score against us too!!

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It’s that time of year when Europe starts to dominate the horizon, and this time around, politics has caught the bug as well. This time, the Tories, having spent so much time and money getting there in the first place under a previous manager, can’t seem to wait to leave. Just like Chelsea and United. The problems they face are pretty much the same. Their European opponents don’t face the same strength of domestic competition, meaning their players are fresher and more relaxed when the big European nights come along. The solution, doing a Chelsea and leaving the whole thing, much like taking your ball and going home, is equally problematic. As the FA have recognised in discussing scrapping the fascinating, but unnecessary, FA Cup replays, the solution to a European competition that favours continental monopolies isn’t to pretend it doesn’t exist. Some of us remember the post-Heysel days of the Full Member’s Cup, and Ince, Hughes and Lineker leaving. The political arena may well follow suit. It’s a negative proposition, certainly, but a Britain without the plethora of Italian chefs, French au pairs and Spanish cafes it currently enjoys would be an unwelcome step backwards. A greasy spoon and an oak panelled pub are just as welcome on a Saturday, the same way Becks and Scholesy were just as crucial to United’s success. But to Arborum page.ai 1 19/02/2015 00:32:48Cantona is get rid of Stam, vanhalfder Sar, Keane and Irwin,

as unthinkable as swapping BMWs for Rovers. Some great players being able to come to this country without needing work permits isn’t the only thing the European project has done for football. There’s also the Courts of Justice of the European Union case C-415/93, known to the rest of us as the Bosman ruling. There may be too much money in football, but it does lend a glorious joy to the idea of Milner on a free. Next time you’re driving in to a Swans game, see how many EU flags you can spot on the roundabouts and building sites on the way. If you’re going along the Fabian Way, have a look at the Bay Campus as well. Then, if you’re at all unsure about the usefulness of the European project, ask yourself how much of the £11bn or so contribution the UK makes to the EU budget every year any Westminster government plans to set aside to replace the European Regional Development Fund. Just like in football, Europe’s big, complicated, and definitely not perfect, but we’d all miss it, and most of it in ways we wouldn’t notice until they weren’t there. Two teams for this month, to take on a tasty, two-legged, Tuesday night tie, under the away goals rule. Playing 3-5-2 are the greatest European players to volunteer for a rainy January night in the League Cup:

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GK: Edwin van der Sar - You had to hate those United teams, mainly for the way they hovered up the best of the league, including this seven foot tall octopus of a keeper from Fulham. CB: Frank Leboeuf - He’s here, he’s there, he’s... CB: Jaap Stam - Another United player who was annoyingly, frustratingly brilliant. CB: Marcel Desailly – “The Rock”, and aptly named. DMF: Claude Makalele – Who else could play the Makelele role? CMF: Xabi Alonso – Another player who came, changed English football, and still looms over every player to try and fill his position after he left. No. 10: Gianfranco Zola – Part Pirlo, part Messi, and a joy to watch, in midwinter mudbaths and Wembley finals. LW: David Ginola – Because he’s worth it. RW: Cristiano Ronaldo – Arrived as a petulant, diving showboater, like Ashley Young, who thought he was a lot better than he was, like Nani. Left better than both of them combined. One off: Thierry Henry – Like some kid playing himself on Fifa, with every stat maxed, but in real life.

when he left. Probably still playing now, chewing gum and shutting Cristiano Ronaldo down completely... DMF: Esteban Cambiasso – Almost as Inter as Javier Zanetti, and signed for nothing. CMF: Luis Enrique – A Barca legend, but moved from Real for free. Obviously Sol Campbell’s inspiration. CMF: Edgar Davids – One of the first, and still one of the best. RWF: Roberto Baggio – The divine ponytail seemed in terminal decline, and permanently crocked, but worth a punt by Bologna and paid off spectacularly. LWF: Henrik Larsson – Doubtful Barca would have been interested if the price tag hadn’t been zero, Celtic Park to the Camp Nou isn’t the most natural of steps, but slotted in fine with Ronaldinho, Eto’o and the rest, and filled the gap between Kluivert and Henry. CF: Raul – No club in the world should turn down one of Europe’s best ever goalscorers, much less when he costs nothing. Could be close, but the Europeans should have too much on their own patch. Plus ca change... Robin Hill

One up: Eric Cantona – Gifted footballer, terrible actor, parody Frenchman. And they’re up against the best XI who put the free in free movement: GK: Lukasz Fabianski – FA Cup winner for nothing? Sold. CB: Sol Campbell – To your club’s biggest rivals. On a free. Still looks a very sensible move though. CB: Markus Babbel – One great season before he got seriously ill, but that’s a great return for a Bosman signing. LB: Ashley Cole – For some reason, no one wanted him for free on a Bosman, but Roma picked him up a week after his contract expired. Best left back in the world for almost a decade. RB: Cafu – He was 33 when Milan signed him, and 38

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Do you think that maybe we don’t allow managers to become good managers because we don’t let them learn how to get out of a bad spell? You look at Garry Monk this year and he had a bad spell and he was gone I know, I know. That is a sign of football to come that is. Because there is so much pressure on the clubs, it is frightening. Garry Monk when he first took over was doing well and then all of a sudden when a few results go against him then he is out and it wasn’t because of him but because of the players that were going in the field. And the thing is that as a manager now, going from a player to a manager, players don’t relate to you the same, to your face they are open and tidy but when they go on the field then that is different. You did it at Merthyr didn’t you? I did it yeah, I got to be honest that I didn’t want to go into management ever. I had finished with the Swans. I couldn’t afford to play football and only earn £20 a week, I had bought a couple of houses and done them up myself, brought them back into respectable properties because they were condemned, got the condemned notices taken off them because the council had put them on. I could only afford houses that needed work done to them, how was I going to afford houses on £20 a week? I look back and think how did I cope? How did I do that? There was times when I was being talked about going to Manchester United, Manchester City and I didn’t want to go anywhere, why would I? There was a maximum

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was in the first team and the centre half at my time was Tom Kiley and he done damage to his ankle and so they put me in against Leicester, I was only 17 1/2 ,we won down here 7-1 I think and that gave me a platform to carry on but within a couple of months then I had to do two years national service. So I went into the army, I spent two years in the forces, getting back when I could to play. They would play me somewhere in the combination or in the first team but they would juggle it around.

was out the back gate in my uniform. We were staying in Farnborough, now from there to London, you come in at Waterloo station, from Swansea you come into Paddington. Now Waterloo and Paddington look similar to me, big stations! So I arrive at Waterloo and I’m there at 6am, never forget as long as I live. I’m in uniform, they have Regimental police in the camps but MP’s in the stations and things looking out for anyone who should be on service. Next thing, I sit down and I fall asleep in Waterloo thinking I’m in Paddington. I wake up 11:45, now I’m supposed to meet the coach in Paddington at 12 o’clock, all of a sudden I realise that I’m in the wrong station.

So you played some games for the firsts for the Swans when you were on national service? Oh yes, I remember one game in particular and I was in the clothing store in camp. We’d work all week, cushy number in the clothing store because I was captain of the squadron. So I used to get away with murder, honestly, as a footballer you would get away with murder! Because people bond with them but I remember this one day, Monday to Friday we were working all the time and on the weekend we could relax a bit but to leave the camp you would need either a 36 hour pass or a 48 hour pass but I didn’t have either of them but I knew where the back gates were and all the rest of it so I sneaked out. We were playing against Fulham, I hadn’t applied, I hadn’t asked the warrant officer or anything for a pass to get out, I just sneaked out and this particular morning, I

I was lucky that the MP’s never picked me up in the first place, next thing I run to Putney bridge, run up the ramp, had no money on me to get a taxi, I see the lights miles away, run a straight line to the ground. By the time I get there then they are on the field, they had waited for me to get there for ten minutes but when I hadn’t arrived then they had gone, got to the ground, changed and I got to accept that they have picked the team and I’m not in it. I sat there sick as a parrot because I’m not playing. At the end of the game, it’s the best I’ve ever felt; we lost 7-1, Jimmy Hill, Johnny Haynes they were shooting from everywhere at us. Thank god for that! Good quality players in those days they had!

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64 Jack Sounds Hello and welcome to the 2nd Jack Sounds column. Thanks to everybody who got in touch after the first one. As space in the magazine is limited we’ve started a blog at http://jacksoundsblog.wordpress.com to allow us to cover more gigs and releases, and hopefully attract a bit more attention to the local music scene. Please have a look and, as always, get in touch if you want us to review your gig/music/event et cetera. The address is jacksounds@outlook.com As the football season draws to an end, the Swans securing safety with 3 games to go after the mathematical relegation of Villa, Sunderland AND Newcastle (lump on kids; I’m chucking this one out for free…Spurs for the league, Liverpool nowhere…I know, I know) so the festival season begins – and this May we’ve got a huge treat being put on in the Liberty, with two of the most successful Welsh bands in recent history putting on a massive, all-day show that I’m looking forward to as much as a week-late giro (Yeah, I’m that old)… the Manics and Super Furry Animals! A grand day out, indeed! I can’t wait for that one. There’s another quality show going on in Sin City, on April 22nd, where BBC6s Craig Charles will be doing a funk and soul DJ set. Tickets are available for £15 from Derricks Records, Sin City and See Tickets and I’m hopefully (I have no doubt in my mind, honest) going to be able to get a quick chat with the man himself on the day of the show, so look out for the results of that meeting of minds in the next issue. I wanted to mention both these gigs in reference to The Last Word section of this months’ column, which argues for the organisation of a free festival on Swansea Bay, as a way of a) allowing local acts to play in front of larger crowds, b) making a sackful of money for our impoverished local coffers, and c) taking advantage of the natural beauty of our much underused bay. This could be a wonderful summer (you never know), and it’d be a shame to waste it. I’ve done some back-of-a-fagbox calculations and reckon the whole thing could be arranged for about 6 grand…so if anyone has that kind of money lying around and wants to get involved, please get in touch! JS

THE LITTLE INTERVIEW – Sarah Passmore Sarah Passmore is one of the (if not the) best young guitarists playing in Swansea right now, and is well worth a listen for anyone who likes to hear beautiful, rhythmic, finger-style, acoustic guitar. Blessed with incredible technique and a soaring, soulful voice, Sarah is a captivating performer whose range and depth never ceases to amaze. 1) Who are the best band ever? That’s a huge question, man. I don’t know if I’m even qualified to answer it, there are so many phenomenal bands out there and I’m sure I’ve barely skimmed the surface. As a musician, I sort of feel obligated to have a really well thought out response, based on technical ability within the band, interplay, sound, material, impact on the scene... as it stands, David Bowie is the most listened to artist in my iTunes library and I can’t argue with that – although I saw the John Mayer Trio play a few years ago and that gig still sets the bench mark for live performance, for me. 2) Best album ever? It’s probably been a toss-up between “Bryter Layter” – Nick Drake and “Blue” – Joni Mitchell, although “Songs in the Key of Life” – Stevie Wonder could put a smile on even the most botoxed of faces. 3) Best song ever? The guitarist in me is screaming “Passionflower” – Jon Gomm, but anybody who’s ever heard “Strange Fruit” performed by Billie Holiday will know just what a piece of music can be capable of... Haunting 4) If you could be in any band, alive or dead - who would it be? The Cat Empire have a great time on stage, make some awesome noise and seem like the kind of people I’d totally get on with. I’d love a little bit of that. 5) Tell me a joke. Your mother is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.

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GIG REVIEW: LOST TUESDAY SOCIETY & TOM EMLYN WILLIAMS – THE GEORGE, 17TH FEBRUARY Ok, I won’t lie to you: I hate St. Patricks Day. There, I said it…and…I feel purged; “Blasphemy!” I hear you cry, “What’s not to like about drinking shed-loads of freezing cold Guinness and pandering to the alcoholic tendencies of our Celtic cousins while wearing a massive and stupid hat shaped a bit like a shamrock?” Well, aside from the obvious issue that you might run into some pissed American tourist claiming Irish heritage because one of their great-great-great grandfathers once got battered by a navvy in a pub that had a picture of Dublin on the wall, it’s just another one of those days (like Christmas, or when the Queen visits) that you got to be seen to be enjoying yourself, otherwise you’re some kind of straight-laced, party-pooping square, hot dog, daddi-o….what? Am I in the fifties now? Where was I? Ah, yes: slagging off St. Patricks day, like some kind of jerk…I suppose, in its defence, at least it’s not as bad as Beaujolais day, which is a totally made-up celebration designed solely to empty the purses of middle-aged, middle-class women, and their daughters – while giving them in return the questionable freedoms of slugging back sour, immature wine, losing a pair of shoes and getting bright red puke all down the front of a nice, new dress.

were watching the Liverpool Vs Man Utd game with silent, tense enthusiasm – were there for the music. The tills sang their approval. I arrived early and watched the sound-check with a pint and a mate. The place was filling up quick, so we grabbed a seat about half-way back, opposite two other fellas who looked like they had had no hang-ups at all about celebrating St. Patricks’ day, and with vigour. They were very willing and even seemed pleased to talk to us, and – when they found out I was reviewing the gig for Jack Sounds – spent a considerable amount of time giving me the hardsell on something they’d come up with called the “Dylan Thomas Car Boot and Dogging Festival”. I’m not messing about: these two beauts – who I won’t name for moral and legal reasons – claimed it was within their power and, indeed, in all of our collective interests to arrange such an event…they even went so far as to insist that the people of Swansea cried out for such a thing and would welcome it with open arms...but I felt their argument was a bit uncon-

That was a bit harsh, too…but, in MY defence: it hasn’t stopped raining in three months, the English won a grand slam, the gas and leccy bill from the winter is overdue and Vodafone are hounding me for money I don’t have…so, forgive me if I seem a little snappy. This St. Patricks day I was looking forward to more than most though, mainly because I was going to see one of my favourite bands play, in a place I hadn’t been to since I was unceremoniously ejected from there about 8 years ago for singing karaoke in a manner guaranteed to divide opinion (at the top of my voice; drunk; badly) and – alongside all this joy and opportunity to reminisce – I also didn’t have to go to work the next day, so could righteously enjoy myself without undue fear of the nagging headache and ponderous bowel movements that usually follow a good session on the black stuff. So we begin:

vincing, so I remained carefully neutral and unmoved. In the end, exasperated, I told them I was all for it – provided no dogs were harmed. You got to have standards.

The George is on Walters Rd, opposite and up the hill a bit from The Tenby. The place is done out in that interior-decor style best described as “proper boozer”. There are booths, lots of tables and round-backed pub chairs, a little stage one end and a nice long bar. The Guinness (which is all I drank) is priced at £3.25, which isn’t bad these days, and the bar staff were welcoming, efficient and friendly. I noticed that they were slightly taken aback at first by the habits and attire of a few of the happy folk who’d descended on their pub for the night, but soon adjusted to new realities as the money started flying over the bar and it became apparent that most of the people in there on a cold Thursday night, mid 6 nations – aside from a couple who

Thankfully, our conversation was cut short by the first musical act of the evening taking the stage in the form of a slender, dark-haired young man called Tom Emlyn Williams. Accompanying himself on an acoustic guitar, he launched into a cover of The Kinks “Lazy Sunday”, done in what can only be described as (and I say this as the greatest of compliments) a sort of lounge-jazz cabaret style. Ok, now I know you’re imagining some sort of cheesy, Butlins-style nightmare, but it wasn’t like that at all! It was basically like Neil Hannon (out of that Divine Comedy band) doing Bob Dylan songs, and who wouldn’t want to hear that? The guy was great, actually, and he grew more on me as his set went on. There were a few more

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Gig Review

covers and a few originals, all done in this loose, laconic, jazzy, easy style that brought to mind (mine, at least) Sinatra busking outside Glastonbury after a few toots on a suspicious looking roll-up. I could hear trombones in my head. He got out the harmonica and gave it some welly, did a Pogues song, thanked everyone profusely and buggered off without fuss, for a drink. I liked him. Go see him. The main event of the night was Lost Tuesday Society, a band I interviewed in the last issue, who are – in case anyone wants to accuse me of favouritism – pretty much my favourite band in Swansea at the minute. I love them and freely admit it, so reviewing their gig in the second column is pretty much par for the course…and, as mentioned in the interview last month, they’re recording a second album at the minute, which I’m pretty sure I’ll be reviewing in these pages when it comes out…but I’ll give you poor people a break from them next month, I promise…no, I will! I’m a professional... The band took the stage at 10:00 and started without ceremony. It struck me, immediately, that they looked and sounded very professional and well-rehearsed, which I felt the need to write down in my notebook. I was relatively sober at this point, so we can assume I was still a credible witness. My notes, however, tell a somewhat different story, as it appears that I may have got a little side-tracked and carried away sometime after a trip to the toilet half-way through their set. I’m not entirely sure why, but it seemed to be a high-water point in my coherency. My memories are somewhat dim from there on, so I’ve decided it might actually be easier and more factually accurate to reprint a slightly annotated version of the scrawl in my notebook, in the hope that it can more honestly tell the story of the next couple of hours better than I can. I do recall there was a brief, good-natured on-stage argument for an interval which wasn’t granted but, aside from that and pleas for more beer, the band played through and I, apart from the aforementioned quick trip for a slash, sat down the front, sharing a table with a different companion from earlier on. I was certainly close to the action. My new friend was a confident, cultured, educated, rabid young man of arts who had a far different and more pressing set of needs to be accommodated than my friends of earlier on. He felt a great urge and even duty to contribute to my budding saga in any way that felt right, and more than once I had to reproach him savagely for attempting to assume total control. I paid him back later on by pinning him in a doorway and reciting poetry at him while he shrieked at me to slow down but, for now, he was force of nature whose scrofulous offerings would be carelessly scattered through my notes like a benign yet lingering disease...as you shall see. JS NOTES (LTS@THE GEORGE, 17th March) KEY – FS: Felix Subway (vocals/guitar), FM: Flipsy McCaw

(vocals/guitar), DB: Darran Browning (vocals/guitar), DINK: Darren Beynon (bass) Look like pros. First song “I see through you”; massive sound; delicacy therein; use the 3 guitars well...really full sounding, like an undulating well – and those harmonies! Something in the air, and the drummer is a big part of it. “Constant state of...” - sounds as good as ever. Good groove, comfortable. I do love this band, mind. “She’s gone” next; take a seat at the front, loud enough to distort the ears. “Fabricate”: FS song - or at least he’s on lead vocals. Big chorus: “maybe this all comes easy to you”, less folky, more angular, more rock. [At this point my pen and notebook were seized by my companion] BEWARE: THEY FLY OVER HEDGES WITH CORN IN THEIR MOUTHS. BEWARE! THEY ARE THE TREE CUTTERS. [Notes cont...] ...like Franz Ferdinand channelling Bowie doing Fleetwood Mac. Next song, FS: “Reminds me of Blind Melon. I like Blind Melon”. Damn, this is good; effortless pop majesty. FM and DB sing unison throughout, like one voice. This song is like a graduation, a statement of intent...an amalgamation of all that came before it...what’s it called? Then they play “Gold”, which is probably the best one so far. There’s a feeling of tension in this tune; the flute floats like an accusation, like a cloud of unanswered questions. Then [my companion] loses his phone and all sorts of chaos breaks loose. What? Shut up you schwein, I’m trying to watch the band. Next song: “Fire”. By this point whole pub won over. Latecomers stand in a corner, craning for a view. From 3ft you can hear how much DB does: all sorts of contra-rhythms that under-pin everything; riffs that lay in wait, spiralling to the surface when needed; “Spaniard”, another song where the 3 guitars all have something to do...layered, multi-faceted sound. It all comes together, but the PA is starting to break up. [notebook seized again] THEREIN LIES YOUR OWN DISCREPANCY [Notes cont...] Next song new, learned lyrics this afternoon, bass-heavy, swing – what’s it called? Straightens up, not as well-rehearsed as the rest, kind of gospel chorus, best vocals thus far. New album song? “The Devil in a B&B?” Maybe...“Oh no, there’s evil in the kitchen, so long it’s best to let it go”. Vocal ending. This song swings. There’s a riff driving it that shows its face seldom. “Merry Dance”; enter Dink – bass-players song. “I love camping” next; flute is brilliant, having fun with it.”Hunt you down” then, new, DB song(?), summers day, amazing guitar intro. Grown up. What a tune! Sounds like The Eagles doing a track off The White Album. Sung in thirds. Last song, can never remember the title (what a pro!): “Somebody catch me, Lord”? Magical sounding. Just FM at the start. Meanders lovely for an age, then kicks in, reminds you you’re alive. Sadness in the air, defiance at its core, and I’m so close I can hear the creak of the floorboards under the singers feet. I hope that clears everything up. It was a great night and nobody made me wear a silly hat. I got home late, drunk and happy, and slept flatulently till the following afternoon like a hibernating bear. Perfect. Vive le nocturne. JS

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70 Album Review ALBUM REVIEW – GREENMAILER – “SCATTERED ON THE MILE” (SILAS RECORDS) Greenmailer are a three piece band comprising of Steve Ahearne on vocals and guitar, Mark Roberts on bass and vocals and Hywel Griffiths on drums and backing vocals. The album was recorded by Dan Angelow at Pitch Black Studios over a period of months, and I was lucky enough to hear a few tracks off the album as it was being recorded...but I was unaware of the depth of their accomplishment until a copy of the finished CD was dropped into my grubby mitts last month. This is a serious piece of work, my friends – I kid you not. I’ve seen Greenmailer live a good few times, and they’re as heavy as block of granite dropped through the roof of a shot-tower, so it came as a surprise to hear their album open with a delicate, sparse piano piece entitled “Gathered”. The production is superb, all hisses and atmospheric dissonance. It’s actually a bit of an unsettling and claustrophobic way to kick off an album, which is fine by me. Second track “The Man Who Was Never There” gives you a much better idea of what they’re about, though: huge riffs, massive drums and heavy, distorted bass power along under a killer vocal melody shared between Steve and Mark. One of the interesting things about the band is that both Steve and Mark take lead vocal duties on different songs at different points, which gives their music a depth and variety and brings a great melodic edge to proceedings. Their combined vocals remind me a bit of the Layne Staley/Jerry Cantrell twin-vocal attack of Alice in Chains, and there’s definitely a big grunge influence on the album as a whole – but it would be wrong to say that they’re confined by that genre because there’s a lot more to Greenmailer than big muff (a guitar pedal; calm yourselves) riffs and strangled vocals. They have BIG choruses, bigger dynamic shifts and bits of unapologetic weirdness. They’re definitely themselves; you can say that without fear of contradiction. Another thing thing about the album that stands out for me is how ‘hooky’ it is; despite the noise and chaos, every track has some kind of ear-worm part that sneaks into your head and takes up residence there. The chorus of “Catalina”, for example, has been in my head for months now, and the repeated listens I’ve done for this

review have ensured it’ll stay there a lot longer, along with the “woo-ooh-oohs” in “Staple”, the weird- vocal shifts in “FEAR” and the monster chorus in “Freedom”. I must confess at this point that I actually played guitar in an embryonic version of Greenmailer (they kicked me out because I was too handsome, honest), so I was gratified to hear my favourite tune from that brief period “Copelandia”, finished, apocalyptic and massive, with slide guitar from producer Dan Angelo scattered (on the mile) all over it like barbed-wire candyfloss. I think that track encapsulates what I like about this band: they’re heavy – of that there is no doubt – but there’s always a melody, always a hook and always, always, underneath it all, underpinning the whole thing, a sexy, slinky groove. I reckon you could dance to these boys, no messing. They close the album off with an acoustic track “Scattered on the mile” – a strange, shifting and undulating track that nonetheless is getting stuck in my head even as I write this. Greenmailer keep on doing this to me! I start listening to the song, and I think “Damn, this is heavy. I like it.”, but then a part of that heaviness reveals itself to be a really catchy melody, almost pop-like in its shimmering iridescence, and I’m forced to re-evaluate them yet again. They’re bloody good, and I look forward to hearing more material by them. I strongly suggest you get his album if you’re a fan of noisy rock music, like I am. If I had to make any criticism (which I do, because I’m a critic), I’d say that sometimes in their efforts to get the biggest possible sound on the instruments, some of the dynamics suffer. I’d like to hear them do something with really complex vocals on it, because they’ve all got great voices and I’d like to hear more of them. I can’t finish this review without mentioning the artwork on the album. Designed by Dawn Louise Sims of Sunrise Illustration, it depicts a strange, cartoonish landscape that reminds a bit of the style of (Japanese Anime pioneers) Studio Ghibli, of whom I am an unabashed fan. The album is available on itunes and various other outlets. Head over to http://www.greenmailermusic.com for all the info. Greenmailer will be playing at The Scene, Swansea on 14th April and The Masons, Llanelli on 15th April.

72 Non-Gig Review NON-GIG REVIEW – “ENTHUSIASM IS CRITICAL” It’s a bit of a cheap shot, this one...but, to paraphrase the Bard of Cwmdonkin and echo the sentiments etched in stone outside our railway station, ambition is indeed critical – but, without enthusiasm, ambition counts for nothing. It’s like owning a really fast car that you don’t know how to drive, or trying to build a football team around a player who isn’t a team player (Hi Jonjo!). It’s as pointless as an inflatable dartboard filled with poison gas...or trying to deliver the Sunday papers in a stealth bomber. To be a little clearer, I actually intended to review a few more gigs this month, but the ones I did go to were in general so poorly attended that I didn’t feel I could write an honest review without resorting to scathing indictments, which wouldn’t be helpful to anyone. The next question, obviously, is WHY these gigs were so badly attended – but I’ll be damned if I can come up with any kind of reasonable answer to that one without musing on certain dark aspects of our regional psyche and probably alienating half the people reading this, so I won’t bother with reasons, but rather concentrate on possible solutions. Of course, it might just be because everybody’s skint, right? Or that I went to the wrong gigs? Whatever; let me know. Anyway, many years ago, before the rise of smart phones and Simon Cowell, back when Rolf Harris could get a gig doing portraits of royalty and Jimmy Savile was just a creepy, washed-up TV star, I used to be a promoter (a half-soaked, half-cut and badly organised one, but a promoter nonetheless), so I can speak with some experience about that horrible feeling that creeps up your spine like a swarm of hungry leeches when you realise that the event you’ve poured all your hard work and effort into organising is likely to end up costing you more to put on than you’re making on the door. They call this, in the trade, “losing your shirt” – and it hurts; not just financially, but in terms of your own personal drive and

desire to put on more such events. Why would you keep on doing something that is financially, emotionally and mentally ruinous? Are you some kind of Liverpool fan? What’s wrong with you? Yes, well...and moving on...as usual we’re short on space and long on gibberish, but here are a few quick ideas to try and revitalise things and grab some of the Wind Street crowd, as well as reaching out to those who are sat in the house smoking heavily and worrying about money. Feel free to cut this out and pin it to the till... oh, and if anyone feels like screaming at me for being an idealistic fool who has no idea what it takes to run a business, I’d just like to make it clear that I think you’re entirely right, but I’m still entitled to my hare-brained opinions as a long-term customer. I’m also prepared to learn the harsh realities, so if anyone would care to fill in the blanks, email jacksounds@outlook.com.

1) SELL CHEAP DRINK – There’s a strange attitude I’ve occasionally come across that seems to me to be somewhat counter-productive; it runs something like this: “If you sell cheap drinks you get cheap customers”. Well, maybe – but can I let you in on a secret gleaned from many years of drinking at gigs? Aside from the kind of people who like craft ale, fancy cocktails or pretending they’re in some kind of rain-soaked version of Monte Carlo, the majority of punters just want cheap,

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74 Non-Gig Review drinkable lager and cheap, drinkable spirits and mixers. We don’t care if all the taps are off, as long as there’s a good supply of cans of cold Oranjeboom and plenty of ice and cheap rum. Charging £3.85 for a bottle of warm Sol is not going to win you any friends in a recession, nor is it likely to encourage commitment. Always make sure you’ve got a budget option, is all I’m saying. I’d much rather pay £5 for 3 bottles of crap Carlsberg than £4 for a pint of crap Fosters, and I’m not alone. Like it or not, for the vast majority of people in this country, going out means having a few jars, and if it’s costing you more than half a days wages to buy a round, then it starts to become less of a leisure activity and more of a fools’ errand. 2) DON’T CHARGE ON THE DOOR/HAGGLE – Again, this isn’t likely to win me many friends in the pub trade, but I’ve always maintained that if – halfway through the night – you realise that the place is probably going to be dead, the best thing to do is either stop charging people to get in, or start making deals; for example, if you’re faced with four people who balk at the idea of paying £4 to get in, why not tell them they can all come in for a tenner, rather than see them all walk off into the night? Principles can be costly, and there’s nothing less appealing to a floating drinker than an empty pub. 3) DON’T RELY ON FACEBOOK – Because, while it’s a wonderful way of communicating with people en masse, it is by its nature a passive form of communication, and is still no substitute for actually going outside and talking to people. It’s EASY to ‘commit’ to something via the click of a mouse, but that doesn’t actually mean anything. Get fliers printed and wander round the place looking for people who look like they might be interested in what you have to offer. Give them the flier. Smile. Talk. Keep walking. This goes for the bands as well as the promoters. Get out of the damned house. Now, I’m a freaky-looking fella who looks exactly like the kind of person who watches live music, but no one

ever wanders up to me on the street and says “Hey bud, great show on tonight at The Scene. My mates bands is on. Eight o’clock.* Have a flier.” 4) DON’T PUSH YOUR LUCK – This is a tricky one, so bear with me. This is directed to the bands as well as the venues and promoters, because everyone gets a bit carried away at times. First off, bands: you don’t need to play every week if you’re just gigging round a small(ish) city; there’s no point and you’ll never get the crowds out. One gig every month or so is about right, in my experience...of course, you may disagree, and be packing them in four nights a week; if so, marvellous – and more power to you. To the promoters: The right number of bands to watch on a night out, in my opinion, is THREE – maybe four if they’re playing short sets or you’ve got a really late licence. Any more than that it gets chaotic and you (the punter) spend most of your time watching soundchecks. I think the idea is that more bands equals more meat in the seats, but it never seems to work out like that. Having 7 bands trying to play between 7 and midnight is just madness, if you ask me. It’s not enjoyable for the audience or the bands, and the soundman will probably end up exploding at some point, which isn’t healthy and may well lead to a costly legal case. Chill out and concentrate on quality. And that’s...that. I’m sure there were plenty of great gigs on this month that I missed out on, so please drop me a line and tell me how wrong I am... because, as my beautiful fiancé would surely tell you, I love that. JS * “Eight o’clock” is, by the way, a

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76 The Last Word THE LAST WORD: “REQUIEM FOR A VIPER” (THE SWANSEA FREE FESTIVAL) A question: Did you ever go to a Viper on The Beach? No? Any idea what I’m talking about? No? Well, what I’m talking about is that around 5/6 years ago a group of like-minded individuals used to organise a day and evening of live music on Swansea beach, just in front of the car park opposite Singleton Hospital – usually on the last Saturday of August. It was never an ‘official’ event – never sanctioned by the council or any other authority – but it seemed to those involved (and to those who attended) to be a wonderful way of enjoying both our beautiful bay and the wealth of musical talent that we have in this city, all the while raising money for a good cause…and having a raving party, of course. There was no entry fee, no fences, all welcome. At least 10 bands would play from around midday till about 10pm. Start and finish times – as well as set lengths – were open to debate and interpretation, and scheduling was somewhat fluid, to say the least – but that was part of the charm.

a group of boys who came down with an ambulance they’d just refitted for a “Ramshackle Rally” to Poland. They’d installed two beer taps and a bar in the back, and were selling ice-cold pints of lager to all and sundry for £2 a pop. They sold two whole barrels, and again, all the profits went to charity; it was, to risk repeating myself: bloody wonderful. It was also completely illegal. For an event like that you need to have, at the very least: public liability insurance; an events licence; security staff – all kinds of bureaucratic piffle. So, every year, the police would come down. They’d park their Landrover about 200 yards away and wait for the organisers to come down for a ‘little chat’. The chats would usually – so I’m told, anyway – run a bit like this:

Police: What’s going on here, boys? A bit big for a beach party, eh? Viper: It’s a free day of live music, officers. Want to join

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“Excuse me, what time are [insert band name here] on?” “What? Are they all here!? Get them on then, before we lose one!” As soon as the generator and PA were set up and working, the bass-heavy groove of “Dub Side of The Moon” by Easy All-Stars (the Viper on The Beach anthem) would be cranked up loud – as a kind of announcement that the show had begun. The “stage” would have been built the evening before, usually by the simple but heavy process of shovelling a ton and a half of sand into a big, flat lump and piling pallets on top. There was actually a wooden platform there that was used as a stage for the first event, but it was burned down by some utter vandals at some point before the second year. Acoustic acts would be on the menu for most of the afternoon, but the music would get louder and heavier as the sun went down. Every year the sun shone all day like it was pre-ordained by God – or even Alan Curtis, Himself. It was wonderful. The organisers used to buy slabs of beer from the wholesalers, fill plastic rubbish bins with ice (collected from fast food outlets in huge quantities, for free) and sell the cans for a pound a go, with all the profits going to charity. One year there was

Y Y

us when you’re off-duty? All profits go to charity. Free Tibet. Who doesn’t want a Free Tibet? P: Hmm. You got a licence for this? Got insurance? V: Nope. Didn’t think we needed that [flat-out lie] but it’s all under control, don’t worry about that. We’re expecting about 100 people, we got bins set out for all the rubbish, and it’ll all be finished by 10pm. P: (looking round at the happy families, laughing children and frolicking dogs) Okey doke, but if we get any complaints we’ll shut it all down in a heartbeat and lock you clowns up. Understood? V: There’ll be no complaints, boys, worry not. P: There’d better not be. Have a good one. V: We’ll try. P: (in true ‘Columbo’ style)...just one more thing: we’ll

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78 The Last Word be back down here 7 o’clock tomorrow morning, right? And if there’s any rubbish left lying about we’ll do you for fly-tipping. Got it? V: Got it. And there never was any rubbish left lying about. And there never were any complaints. When you know you’re onto a good thing, you don’t mess it up, right? God, I miss Viper on The Beach. And it got me thinking: why aren’t there any legally sanctioned events like that on Swansea bay? The council could make a natural fortune. Why don’t they approach a couple of promoters (or even the original Viper crew – who are still around, I happen to know, pretending to be legitimate and mature businessmen, holed up in obscurity in the Swansea Valleys) with a proposal to organise such an event? Imagine getting an email like this from Swansea Council, one fine morning in May: “Right, you nagging swine: We’ve got you a budget of £6000. You can book one slightly-well known act for about half of that. That’ll drag out the kind of people who wouldn’t bother for unknown bands. Spend a grand or so on hiring a good sound system, a small stage and an engineer – use local businesses exclusively, please; the economy round here could do with a fillip. Get half-adozen local acts on, give them £200 each. We’ll sort out

the insurance and the security. Don’t bother charging entry; we’ll make our money back, and more, on the mark-up on the drinks, which we’ll source from local wholesalers anyway. Try and get in touch with a few of those new breweries, too – see if they fancy putting a couple of stalls together. We’ll put it out to tender for pitches for the chip vans and ice cream vans and all that sort of thing; make a real day of it – fun for all the family sort of thing. Cool? Now, go and get it organised and I want it the plans and schedule on my desk here in a month” Now, after the stunned silence that would inevitably follow such an uncharacteristically coherent and brutally unforgiving speech emanating forth from a local authority mouthpiece, I can guarantee that of all the above would be organised, and pretty damn quick, too. In fact, I’d like to publicly state that I myself will organise such an event, provided somebody else a) stumps up the coin and b) takes care of all the legal stuff. I am only one man, probably.

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Ja�� Sw�� Eat� F�o� I have a slight confession to make. Last issue when I ate vegetarian food in an Indian and made a slight deal about ‘trying being a Vegi’ ; I was actually in a bizarre time of my life where I wasn’t eating meat at all! It lasted the best part of a month and I actually freaked myself out; I woke up one morning and decided that I fancied getting slightly healthier; cut out beer and meat; and I did it!! That was the slightly bizarre thing. The really, really bizarre thing was that I really enjoyed it. I loved eating different foods; the challenge of going through a day and eating three meals that consisted of no meat. At no point did I care in the slightest about the animals involved; they are put on this planet to be eaten! But I was eating healthier, cheaper and actually nicer food! Anyway, I got that out of my system! What a weird month!!! I’m a meat eating MAN again!! Ring the chicken’s neck, cook it in some garlic and stick it on my plate!!!!! This issue I headed to Uplands; with Vegi!

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Front Cover by Stand Back Art Jack Swan Magazine Cover By Stand Back Art

e Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0%

Front Cover By Humans

Issue #22 FREE

Issue #38

£895

£550

*Terms & Conditions Apply This Amazing Composite Door from only

uPVC Doors from only £550

Doors

French Doors

Conservatories £6995

£499

FINANCE AVAILABLE

Mention This Ad When Ordering

Nominees Lost Tuesday Society A picture of creative sobriety K MON They write catchy tunes Are Musicians and loones They think Paolo Nutini’s bang tidy #POTH Issue #40

MPN full page right.ai 1 31/07/2015 14:43:26

FREE

I think they got the hint! Issue #36 FREE

Issue #44 FREE

3rd Place: The Somethings 2nd Place: Like a Lion

Issue #34 FREE

Issue #38 FREE MPN half landscape.ai 1 26/04/2015 01:43:31

182 SHOWROOM Neath Rd, M a att Swansea SA1 2JT

(Opposite Liberty Stadium)

01792 359244 0800 8030821 www.mpnwindows.com

FREE VERTICAL BLINDS VER

CURRENT OFFERS SPECIAL OFFER £850 6 Windows £1995

DREAM DOORS, FULLY FITTED FRONT £599, BACK £550

WHY IT’S THE BEST COMPOSITE DOOR ON THE MARKET?

*** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Financ

0% Finance Available *** * 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available

Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Availa

d n a B t s e B ble *** 0% Finance Available ***

Issue #43 FREE

Issue #33 FREE

CMY

Everything is Lovely: Nothing to Report Here!

Best Pie

Issue #44

Jack Swan Magazine

Winners: Raspberry Jam

ack Swan Issue #40

Neath Rd,Road, Swansea SA1 2JT8AP Unit182 2 Leckwith Cardiff CF11 (Opposite Liberty Stadium) Tel: 029 2050 8770 01792 359244

Pictures By www.surfpicworld.com MPN full page right.ai 1 04/10/2015 15:12:15

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6 WINDOWS 7 WINDOWS 8 WINDOWS 9 WINDOWS

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10 WINDOWS MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

Price

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WITH FANLIGHT

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From

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COMPOSITE DOOR

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£1595.00

COMPOSITE DOOR

From

£1750.00

WITH 2 SIDESCREENS

WITH 2 SIDESCREENS AND A FANLIGHT

Total amount payable

£48.50

£1746

£62.00

£2232

£2719

£75.53

£2719

£3205

£89.03

£3205

£3692

£102.55

£3692

£4178

£116.06

£4178

£4665

£129.58

£4665

OPEN 9AM TO 9PM 7 DAYS A WEEK

AWARDED BEST DOUBLE GLAZING COMPANY IN WALES BY NETWORK VEKA

SHOWROOM at 182 Neath Rd, Swansea SA1 2JT (Opposite Liberty Stadium)

36 monthly payments fixed at 0% finance

£2232

01792 359244 FREEPHONE 0800 803 0821 www.mpnwindows.com

UP TO 50% OFF

COMPOSITE DOOR

Cost

£1746

3rd Place: Little Welsh Deli Pasties 2nd Place: Jersey Bakery

KITCHENS & BATHROOMS

WINDOWS, DOORS

M.P.N & CONSERVATORIES

WALES NO 1 DOUBLE GLAZING COMPANY FAMILY OWNED BUSINESS

Issue #37 FREE

MPN half landscape.ai 1 26/04/2015 01:43:31

182 SHOWROOM Neath Rd, M a att Swansea SA1 2JT

£895

£550

£1995

*Terms & Conditions Apply This Amazing Composite Door from only

uPVC Doors from only £550

01792 359244

www.mpnwindows.com

(Opposite Liberty Stadium)

FREE VERTICAL VER BLINDS

6 Windows

French Doors

CURRENT OFFERS SPECIAL OFFER £850

Conservatories £6995

Doors

FINANCE AVAILABLE

£499

Mention This Ad When Ordering

DREAM DOORS, FULLY FITTED FRONT £599, BACK £550

THE

*** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Financ

0% Finance Available *** * 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available

WHY IT’S THE BEST COMPOSITE DOOR ON THE MARKET?

Showroom at 182 Neath Rd, Swansea SA1 2JT

E-mail: mpnwindows@aol.com

Jack Swan Issue #39

Winners: Steak By Night

Full Repair Service Available Fascias, Gutters & Downpipes Supplied & Fitted

2nd Grill House, Wanuarlwydd

AN AWARD WINNING FAMILY BUSINESS SINCE 1994

We Reveal How Huw Saves Money!

Open 9am to 7pm 7 days a week FREE ONLINE QUOTES AT www.mpnwindows.com

Bes t St eak 3rd Place: Pen Y Cae Inn

ble *** 0% Finance Available ***

Issue #32 FREE

Winners: Ron Evans Pies CY

Issue 39 FREE

CMY

Front Cover By Simon Daniels

Issue #30 FREE

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Jack Swan Magazine

Price

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CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

AWARDS 2016

e Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0%

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A choice between a pastieIssue or #35 pie FREE Ooo...that’s a hard choice...aye A little foil bowl And a big mouthful Who doesn’t like a pastry surprise. Everything is Lovely: #POTH Nothing to Report Here!

Issue #41 FREE

Jack Swan Magazine

UP TO

Issue #37

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Issue #41

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Issue #31 FREE

“There are probably a lot better footballers than me who have worn the Swans shirt over the years, but I’d like to think that there have been few who have tried harder” Sir Alan Tate

ya ers ve irt Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d

MPN half landscape.ai 1 26/04/2015 01:43:31

182 SHOWROOM Neath Rd, M a att Swansea SA1 2JT

(Opposite Liberty Stadium)

01792 359244 0800 8030821 www.mpnwindows.com

FREE VERTICAL BLINDS VER

CURRENT OFFERS SPECIAL OFFER £850 6 Windows £1995

DREAM DOORS, FULLY FITTED FRONT £599, BACK £550

WHY IT’S THE BEST COMPOSITE DOOR ON THE MARKET?

I think they got the hint!

FREE

Issue #36 FREE

Issue #44 FREE

Cover By Stand Back Art

e Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0%

Front Cover By Humans

Issue #22 FREE

Issue #38

£895

£550

*Terms & Conditions Apply This Amazing Composite Door from only

uPVC Doors from only £550

Doors

French Doors

Conservatories £6995

£499

FINANCE AVAILABLE

Mention This Ad When Ordering

Manning the bar like a Welsh Warrior The man is just notMO a Nworrier K He’ll give you your drinks Without an inkling of thinks Like a pilot landing a harrier #POTH Issue #40

MPN full page right.ai 1 31/07/2015 14:43:26

Issue #34 FREE

Issue #38 FREE

Jack Swan Magazine

0% Finance Available *** * 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available

Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Availa

ble *** 0% Finance Available ***

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n a m r a B Best Issue #43 FREE

Front Cover by Stand Back Art

Issue #33 FREE

CMY

3rd Place: Huw, Gwachel 2nd Place: Karl, Rock & Fountain 4

Winner: Dai from JK’s Everything is Lovely: Nothing to Report Here!

Best Barma

Issue #44

Jack Swan Magazine

ack Swan Issue #40

Neath Rd,Road, Swansea SA1 2JT8AP Unit182 2 Leckwith Cardiff CF11 (Opposite Liberty Stadium) Tel: 029 2050 8770 01792 359244

Pictures By www.surfpicworld.com MPN full page right.ai 1 04/10/2015 15:12:15

CMY

From £11,495.00

4MX3M

From £12,990.00

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

4MX3M

From £13,990.00

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

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From £14,990.00

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

4MX3M

From £17,990.00

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

4 WINDOWS

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

5 WINDOWS

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

6 WINDOWS 7 WINDOWS 8 WINDOWS 9 WINDOWS

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

UP TO 50% OFF Door

10 WINDOWS MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

Price

From

£795.00

COMPOSITE DOOR

From

£995.00

WITH FANLIGHT

COMPOSITE DOOR WITH 1 SIDESCREEN

From

£1295.00

COMPOSITE DOOR

From

£1595.00

COMPOSITE DOOR

From

£1750.00

WITH 2 SIDESCREENS

WITH 2 SIDESCREENS AND A FANLIGHT

Total amount payable

£48.50

£1746

£62.00

£2232

£2719

£75.53

£2719

£3205

£89.03

£3205

£3692

£102.55

£3692

£4178

£116.06

£4178

£4665

£129.58

£4665

OPEN 9AM TO 9PM 7 DAYS A WEEK

AWARDED BEST DOUBLE GLAZING COMPANY IN WALES BY NETWORK VEKA

SHOWROOM at 182 Neath Rd, Swansea SA1 2JT (Opposite Liberty Stadium)

36 monthly payments fixed at 0% finance

£2232

01792 359244 FREEPHONE 0800 803 0821 www.mpnwindows.com

UP TO 50% OFF

COMPOSITE DOOR

Cost

£1746

3rd Place: Jaymee Leigh from Mansleton Hotel 2nd Place: Danielle Thomas, Castle

KITCHENS & BATHROOMS

WINDOWS, DOORS

M.P.N & CONSERVATORIES

WALES NO 1 DOUBLE GLAZING COMPANY FAMILY OWNED BUSINESS

Issue #37 FREE

MPN half landscape.ai 1 26/04/2015 01:43:31

182 SHOWROOM Neath Rd, M a att Swansea SA1 2JT

£895

£550

£1995

*Terms & Conditions Apply This Amazing Composite Door from only

uPVC Doors from only £550

01792 359244

www.mpnwindows.com

(Opposite Liberty Stadium)

FREE VERTICAL VER BLINDS

6 Windows

French Doors

CURRENT OFFERS SPECIAL OFFER £850

Conservatories £6995

Doors

FINANCE AVAILABLE

£499

Mention This Ad When Ordering

DREAM DOORS, FULLY FITTED FRONT £599, BACK £550

THE

*** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Financ

0% Finance Available *** * 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available

WHY IT’S THE BEST COMPOSITE DOOR ON THE MARKET?

Showroom at 182 Neath Rd, Swansea SA1 2JT

E-mail: mpnwindows@aol.com

Jack Swan Issue #39

Winners: Pontardawe Inn

Full Repair Service Available Fascias, Gutters & Downpipes Supplied & Fitted

We Reveal How Huw Saves Money!

AN AWARD WINNING FAMILY BUSINESS SINCE 1994

3rd Place: Travellers Well, Skewen 2nd Bridgend Inn, Birchgrove

Open 9am to 7pm 7 days a week FREE ONLINE QUOTES AT www.mpnwindows.com

Best Pu b Curry

ble *** 0% Finance Available ***

Issue #32 FREE

Winner: Dawn, Pontardawe Inn CY

Issue 39 FREE

CMY

Front Cover By Simon Daniels

Issue #30 FREE

Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Availa

UP TO 50% OFF

Conservatory 3MX3M

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

Jack Swan Magazine

Price

Number of windows

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

AWARDS 2016

e Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0%

UP TO 50% OFF SALE

ALL OUR CONSERVATORIES COME FULLY PLASTERED, TILED WITH FREE UNDERFLOOR HEATING WITH UPVC SCERTING BOARDS FITTED AS STANDARD AND FREE BLINDS

UP TO 50% OFF SALE

SALE

Issue #35 Keep your barmaids from London and FREE North Welsh barmaids are better of course Thoroughbred pedigree Pint pulling filigree Well done gals, love from POTH. Everything is Lovely: #POTH Nothing to Report Here!

Front Cover by Simon Meyrick

50%OFF

Issue #41 FREE

Jack Swan Magazine

UP TO

Issue #37

UP TO 50% OFF Front Cover by a last minute change

UP TO 50% OFF SALE

Issue #41

UP TO 50% OFF

Issue #31 FREE

“There are probably a lot better footballers than me who have worn the Swans shirt over the years, but I’d like to think that there have been few who have tried harder” Sir Alan Tate

ya ers ve irt I’d

20% OFF

ARTIFICIAL GRASS!!

CMY

MPN half landscape.ai 1 26/04/2015 01:43:31

182 SHOWROOM Neath Rd, M a att Swansea SA1 2JT

(Opposite Liberty Stadium)

01792 359244 0800 8030821 www.mpnwindows.com

CURRENT OFFERS SPECIAL OFFER £850 6 Windows £1995

DREAM DOORS, FULLY FITTED FRONT £599, BACK £550

WHY IT’S THE BEST COMPOSITE DOOR ON THE MARKET?

Front Cover by Stand Back Art

Issue #34 FREE

Issue #38 FREE

Jack Swan Magazine

0% Finance Available *** * 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available

Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Availa

ble *** 0% Finance Available ***

FREE VERTICAL BLINDS VER

Issue #43 FREE

*** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Financ

y r e w e r B Best

Issue #33 FREE

Issue #38

£895

£550

*Terms & Conditions Apply This Amazing Composite Door from only

uPVC Doors from only £550

Doors

French Doors

Conservatories £6995

£499

FINANCE AVAILABLE

Mention This Ad When Ordering

Leon liked a Real Ale for sure Copious amounts and settling the K score MON Of his prowess as lover Contradicted by his brother Stating ‘Mate, you couldn’t pull a fucking door.’ #POTH Issue #22 Issue #40 Issue #44

I think they got the hint!

e Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0%

Front Cover By Humans

FREE

Issue #36 FREE

FREE

3rd Place: Mumbles Brewery 2nd Place: Gower Brewey

Cover By Stand Back Art

MPN full page right.ai 1 31/07/2015 14:43:26

Everything is Lovely: Nothing to Report Here!

Best Golf C

ourse

Issue #44

ack Swan Issue #40

Neath Rd,Road, Swansea SA1 2JT8AP Unit182 2 Leckwith Cardiff CF11 (Opposite Liberty Stadium) Tel: 029 2050 8770 01792 359244

Pictures By www.surfpicworld.com MPN full page right.ai 1 04/10/2015 15:12:15

UP TO 50% OFF

UP TO

50%OFF

CMY

From £11,495.00

4MX3M

From £12,990.00

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

4MX3M

From £13,990.00

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

4MX3M

From £14,990.00

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

4MX3M

From £17,990.00

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

4 WINDOWS

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

5 WINDOWS

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

6 WINDOWS 7 WINDOWS 8 WINDOWS 9 WINDOWS

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

UP TO 50% OFF Door

10 WINDOWS MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

Price

From

£795.00

COMPOSITE DOOR

From

£995.00

WITH FANLIGHT

COMPOSITE DOOR WITH 1 SIDESCREEN

From

£1295.00

COMPOSITE DOOR

From

£1595.00

COMPOSITE DOOR

From

£1750.00

WITH 2 SIDESCREENS

WITH 2 SIDESCREENS AND A FANLIGHT

Total amount payable

£48.50

£1746

£62.00

£2232

£2719

£75.53

£2719

£3205

£89.03

£3205

£3692

£102.55

£3692

£4178

£116.06

£4178

£4665

£129.58

£4665

OPEN 9AM TO 9PM 7 DAYS A WEEK

AWARDED BEST DOUBLE GLAZING COMPANY IN WALES BY NETWORK VEKA

SHOWROOM at 182 Neath Rd, Swansea SA1 2JT (Opposite Liberty Stadium)

36 monthly payments fixed at 0% finance

£2232

01792 359244 FREEPHONE 0800 803 0821 www.mpnwindows.com

UP TO 50% OFF

COMPOSITE DOOR

Cost

£1746

3rd Place: Langland Bay 2nd Place: Pontardawe Golf Course

KITCHENS & BATHROOMS

WINDOWS, DOORS

M.P.N & CONSERVATORIES

WALES NO 1 DOUBLE GLAZING COMPANY FAMILY OWNED BUSINESS

Issue #37 FREE

MPN half landscape.ai 1 26/04/2015 01:43:31

182 SHOWROOM Neath Rd, M a att Swansea SA1 2JT

£895

£550

£1995

*Terms & Conditions Apply This Amazing Composite Door from only

uPVC Doors from only £550

01792 359244

www.mpnwindows.com

(Opposite Liberty Stadium)

FREE VERTICAL VER BLINDS

6 Windows

French Doors

CURRENT OFFERS SPECIAL OFFER £850

Conservatories £6995

Doors

FINANCE AVAILABLE

£499

Mention This Ad When Ordering

DREAM DOORS, FULLY FITTED FRONT £599, BACK £550

THE

*** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Financ

0% Finance Available *** * 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available

WHY IT’S THE BEST COMPOSITE DOOR ON THE MARKET?

Jack Swan Issue #39

Winners: La Braseria

Showroom at 182 Neath Rd, Swansea SA1 2JT

We Reveal How Huw Saves Money!

E-mail: mpnwindows@aol.com

3rd Place: The George, Cwmtwrch 2nd Place: La Mancha, Neath

Full Repair Service Available Fascias, Gutters & Downpipes Supplied & Fitted

AN AWARD WINNING FAMILY BUSINESS SINCE 1994

Nosh

ble *** 0% Finance Available ***

Open 9am to 7pm 7 days a week FREE ONLINE QUOTES AT www.mpnwindows.com

Best Po sh

Issue #32 FREE

Winner: Neath Golf Course CY

Issue 39 FREE

CMY

Front Cover By Simon Daniels

Issue #30 FREE

Issue #35 There once was a guy in plus fours FREE Who did nothing by writhe on the floors Tho’ he had all his clubs He got nothing but snubs But that was just par for the course Everything is Lovely: #POTH Nothing to Report Here!

Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Availa

UP TO 50% OFF

Conservatory 3MX3M

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

Jack Swan Magazine

Price

Number of windows

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

Issue #41 FREE

AWARDS 2016

e Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0%

UP TO 50% OFF SALE

ALL OUR CONSERVATORIES COME FULLY PLASTERED, TILED WITH FREE UNDERFLOOR HEATING WITH UPVC SCERTING BOARDS FITTED AS STANDARD AND FREE BLINDS

UP TO 50% OFF SALE

SALE

Front Cover by a last minute change

UP TO 50% OFF SALE

Issue #41

UP TO 50% OFF

Issue #31 FREE

Front Cover by Simon Meyrick

Jack Swan Magazine

Issue #37

Jack Swan Magazine

Winner: Tomos Watkins

“There are probably a lot better footballers than me who have worn the Swans shirt over the years, but I’d like to think that there have been few who have tried harder” Sir Alan Tate

Gareth & Donna Welcome You To

The NEWTON

ya ers ve irt Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d

Every Wednesday From 9pm Dog Friendly

Issue #33 FREE

CMY

Issue #34 FREE

Issue #38 FREE

£895

£550

*Terms & Conditions Apply This Amazing Composite Door from only

uPVC Doors from only £550

Doors

French Doors

Conservatories £6995

£499

FINANCE AVAILABLE

Mention This Ad When Ordering

Front Cover by Stand Back Art Jack Swan Magazine

MPN half landscape.ai 1 26/04/2015 01:43:31

182 SHOWROOM Neath Rd, M a att Swansea SA1 2JT

(Opposite Liberty Stadium)

01792 359244 0800 8030821 www.mpnwindows.com

FREE VERTICAL BLINDS VER

CURRENT OFFERS SPECIAL OFFER £850 6 Windows £1995

DREAM DOORS, FULLY FITTED FRONT £599, BACK £550

WHY IT’S THE BEST COMPOSITE DOOR ON THE MARKET?

There once was a pub with a garden Where your tan could gradually K darken MON A lovely sun trap You needed a cap An urban pub oasis heaven #POTH Issue #40

Issue #38

0% Finance Available *** * 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available

Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Availa

ble *** 0% Finance Available ***

*** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Financ

n e d r a G r e Best Be Issue #43 FREE

I think they got the hint!

e Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0%

Front Cover By Humans

Issue #22 FREE

FREE

Issue #36 FREE

Issue #44 FREE

3rd Place: Pink Geranium 2nd Place: Castellmare

Cover By Stand Back Art

MPN full page right.ai 1 31/07/2015 14:43:26

Everything is Lovely: Nothing to Report Here!

Best Sunda y Lunch r

Issue #44

Jack Swan Magazine

Winner: Cross Keys, Swansea

ack Swan Issue #40

Pictures By www.surfpicworld.com MPN full page right.ai 1 04/10/2015 15:12:15

50%OFF

CMY

From £11,495.00

4MX3M

From £12,990.00

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

4MX3M

From £13,990.00

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

4MX3M

From £14,990.00

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

4MX3M

From £17,990.00

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

4 WINDOWS

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

5 WINDOWS

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

6 WINDOWS 7 WINDOWS 8 WINDOWS 9 WINDOWS

MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

UP TO 50% OFF Door

10 WINDOWS MAX 1 OPENER IN WHITE UPVC

Price

From

£795.00

COMPOSITE DOOR

From

£995.00

WITH FANLIGHT

COMPOSITE DOOR WITH 1 SIDESCREEN

From

£1295.00

COMPOSITE DOOR

From

£1595.00

COMPOSITE DOOR

From

£1750.00

WITH 2 SIDESCREENS

WITH 2 SIDESCREENS AND A FANLIGHT

Total amount payable

£48.50

£1746

£62.00

£2232

£2719

£75.53

£2719

£3205

£89.03

£3205

£3692

£102.55

£3692

£4178

£116.06

£4178

£4665

£129.58

£4665

OPEN 9AM TO 9PM 7 DAYS A WEEK

AWARDED BEST DOUBLE GLAZING COMPANY IN WALES BY NETWORK VEKA

SHOWROOM at 182 Neath Rd, Swansea SA1 2JT (Opposite Liberty Stadium)

36 monthly payments fixed at 0% finance

£2232

01792 359244 FREEPHONE 0800 803 0821 www.mpnwindows.com

UP TO 50% OFF

COMPOSITE DOOR

Cost

£1746

3rd Place: No Sign Bar 2nd Place: The George, Cwmtwrch

KITCHENS & BATHROOMS

WINDOWS, DOORS

M.P.N & CONSERVATORIES

WALES NO 1 DOUBLE GLAZING COMPANY FAMILY OWNED BUSINESS

Issue #37 FREE

MPN half landscape.ai 1 26/04/2015 01:43:31

182 SHOWROOM Neath Rd, M a att Swansea SA1 2JT

(Opposite Liberty Stadium)

£895

£550

£1995

*Terms & Conditions Apply This Amazing Composite Door from only

uPVC Doors from only £550

01792 359244

www.mpnwindows.com

FREE VERTICAL VER BLINDS

6 Windows

French Doors

Conservatories £6995

Doors

CURRENT OFFERS SPECIAL OFFER £850

DREAM DOORS, FULLY FITTED FRONT £599, BACK £550

FINANCE AVAILABLE

£499

Mention This Ad When Ordering

*** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available *** 0% Financ

0% Finance Available *** * 0% Finance Available *** 0% Finance Available

WHY IT’S THE BEST COMPOSITE DOOR ON THE MARKET?

Showroom at 182 Neath Rd, Swansea SA1 2JT

E-mail: mpnwindows@aol.com

Jack Swan Issue #39

Winners: No Sign Bar

Full Repair Service Available Fascias, Gutters & Downpipes Supplied & Fitted

We Reveal How Huw Saves Money!

AN AWARD WINNING FAMILY BUSINESS SINCE 1994

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94 SWANNING AROUNDAROUND THE UNIVERSE SWANNING THE UNIVE

Gonna bring it It back toaEarth forof a moment. Terra cotta... Ah, for the S was week contrasting fortunes actually... this is not one for intellect or humour... subtly won't Universe this week... get it done...Grounded and grinding this one out...

As one away fan dragged a Swan to death so she could have her pho with it... away fans for the most are gentle, kind and no trouble a our fair saviour Guidolin pulled us spluttering from the mire while laid bed...

Fight fire with fire. Bring back Brendan? Proven mid/mud table manager who believes in a fluent

Our good man Alan and fair saviour Guidolin make a perfect ma Alan can do what Gary didn't really get time to... with the guidance th Gary needed for a few seasons... attacking game. so we could have a manager like Gary manage the club for maybe a I mean for every one of Mourinho there'sWengie one of Rogers type reign... (Oh yes he does ;-) apparently), that would be nice...

It also looks a bit grim now for the ugly duckling that drove the perr blue coupe North squawking like a pinched goose on his way

Tut tut ungrateful goose, eat your s maybe that's what we need.

Michu said he's ready to come back... bless. If a club like Aston villa can go down... and in Flew the coup he did. Listen, I'd have Bony back cos Bony is capabl football circles Remi Garde is a much lauded and respected man... with but no Michu no and No. If you came back you would literally have to s 10% win rate in his 20 games in charge... then maybe bring back Brendan. His record deserves reinvestigation at least.

Where's Michu hahahhH

However... If my girl fucked off, to Liverpool of all places, and then the bindipper she left me for dumped her and so she wanted to come back...Frankly sounds god awful grim to my guts if that's the way they choose to and time and the distance it takes to get there... that's t go. Maybe just meTrust andinaspace bad burrito... but hey it's the taking part that hand our fair saviour Guidolin gives... matters. Only so many teams can win.

Padd Paddy Stradlin

VERSE

e Swans

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e a Fergie or

erry winkle way...

r stew.

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's the steady

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We have all been there, (well those of us with kids) the football is on TV and we don’t get to watch hardly We have all been there, (well those of us with kids) the football is on TV and we don’t get to watch hardly any of it as we are too busy entertaining the little monsters. I asked Claire from Munchkinos any of it as we are too busy entertaining the little monsters. I asked Claire from Munchkinos Childminding to try and come up with a solution. Childminding to try and come up with a solution. As we approach the end of the season (safe from relegation ) What you need and celebration the groundsmen are lookingFairy to prepare the turf The of International Day during Junefor the next Old tights or pop socks season; thought it would be fitting teach Swansea gave meI inspiration for a new activityto. This is the oneyoungest that even painted the stones to make them look prehistoric Grass seeds fansstart howoutside to growand their own can end upgrass!! indoors in time for the (for the dinosaur garden). Take all of your materials Sawdust soil your child match. Bonus points should be awarded for fresh air inside along with an empty box andorallow Elastic bands This creativity is a fun activity thatfree all ages enjoy and definitely and and guilt football watching should keepstopeople be creative whilst you watch the football. They can entertained for ages, Grass Heads! It also teaches children how Pens and extra fabric are optional ensue. things grow and gives them a good laugh when they see the grass heads ‘hair’ sprouting up. Indoor Gardens smiling eyes Instructions The children at Munchkinos really enjoyed making Fill the toe of outside a nylon and pop asked sock with grass seed. If you don’twww.facebook.com/munchkinos have one you can fairy gardens if they could take also cut the to foot off atheir pair parents. of old nylon tights. them home show So we came up with the idea of recreating the Add sawdust or soil to the sockIt's until it has a ball shape, if the children find gardens in empty shoe boxes. a very this difficult; either open the end of the sock yor self and allow them to fill or pop it over jar so it islittle hands free. activity can akeep your munchkins Knot the or seal it with going for sock ages.closed It doesn't have to bean a elastic band. fairy garden. We have made monster This is where the children get a chance homes, alien planets, prehistoric lands , to be creative; they can add goggly eyes, pens, Wepossibiliused loom bands as we didnt have elastic farms, parksextra and amaterial. jungle the bands. the(See sawdust to create ties are Pinch endless. photos; scale either an eye, nose or ear. When you have your desired finish off with anface elastic band. They can make aliens, orgers obviously notsize important Smiling and giants; its only limited by imagination. (black and white)) The grass What youhead needneeds to be placed on a pot or a jar full of water with the grass sead bit facing up. If the head is looked after within 2 weeks the childen willempty see thecontainer hair growing. willor need to be kept moist so will should be An (shoeItbox similar) watered daily and placed in a sunny location. Any small toys/props your child decides Seeimagination how many they can make, maybe enough for a football team? An How to create your garden Spend some time with your child exploring the garden, park or any green space. Take some time to collect bits they think would help to create a

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£153.88

£5540

ANYSIZE, ANY SIZE,MAX1 MAX 2OPENER OPENERS WHITE UPVC ININWHITEUPVC

ANY SIZE,MAX1 MAX 2OPENER OPENERS ANYSIZE, WHITE UPVC ININWHITEUPVC

THE WORLD FAMOUS VEKA SUPER EFFICIENT A RATED WINDOWS & DOORS THAT SAVES YOU MONEY ON YOUR FUEL BILLS WITH A 10 YEAR GUARANTEE. • Energy A rated glass • Better security • High security 8 • Better savings on point Yale locking energy bills mechanisms ﬁtted to • Reduced heat loss the openers and condensation • Installation by our • Low experienced maintenance installers with 70mm Veka over 200 years experience window frames between them. • Makes your home look amazing • Removal and disposal of existing windows • Better energy SPECIAL efﬁciency OFFER • Better noise DREAM DOOR reduction FRONT

ANY SIZE,MAX1 MAX 2OPENER OPENERS ANYSIZE, WHITE UPVC ININWHITEUPVC ANY SIZE,MAX1 MAX 2OPENER OPENERS ANYSIZE, WHITE UPVC ININWHITEUPVC

• Competitive pricing with no hidden costs • Local family owned company since 1994

36 monthly payments fixed Total amount payable at 0% finance

Cost

ANYSIZE, ANY SIZE,MAX1 MAX 2OPENER OPENERS WHITE UPVC ININWHITEUPVC ANYSIZE, ANY SIZE,MAX1 MAX 2OPENER OPENERS ININWHITEUPVC WHITE UPVC ANYSIZE, ANY SIZE,MAX1 MAX 2OPENER OPENERS WHITE UPVC ININWHITEUPVC

ALL OUR CONSERVATORIES COME FULLY PLASTERED, TILED WITH FREE UNDERFLOOR HEATING WITH UPVC SKIRTING BOARDS FITTED AS STANDARD AND FREE BLINDS

Conservatory 3MX3M

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

£13,500.00

4MX3M

From £14,995.00

5MX3M

From

£15,995.00

5MX4M

From

£16,995.00

From

£19,995.00

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

6MX4M

£599 BACK £550

Price From

CONSERVATORY FULLY FITTED INC ALL BUILDING WORKS

FULLY FITTED

O%TOFINANCE AVAILABLE UP 25% OFF WI WINTER INTER S SALE ALE Door Door Fully Fitted

Price

COMPOSITE DOOR

From £950.00 From £950.00

COMPOSITE DOOR WITH FANLIGHT

From

£1095.00

COMPOSITE DOOR WITH 1 SIDESCREEN

From

£1395.00

COMPOSITE DOOR WITH 2 SIDESCREENS

From

£1695.00

COMPOSITE DOOR WITH 2 SIDESCREENS AND A FANLIGHT

From

£1850.00

OPEN 9AM TO 9PM • 7 DAYS A WEEK

DUO ... ...OUR QUALITY NEW DUO ARE COMPOSITE DOORS ARE CO STANDARD 54% THICKER THAN 54 STANDARD WHY IT’S THE BEST COMPOSITE DOOR ON THE MARKET? • Made in Britain • 54% thicker than a standard composite door • Improved thermal and acoustic insulation thanks to double compression seals • Galvanised steel reinforcement • Triple glazed: for better heat retention and noise reduction • Meets or exceeds all current British Standards for door security. • Available in a choice of rich colours and woodgrains

•

0% FINANCE AVAILABLE • 0% FINANCE AVAILABLE • 0% FINANCE AVAILABLE • 0% FINANCE AVAILABLE • 0% FIN

ON ALL MPN WINDOWS YOU CAN EXPECT UP TO 25% OFF WINTER SALE QUALITY AND THE Up to FOLLOWING AS 25% Off Winter STANDARD: Sale

ABLE • 0% FINANCE AVAILABLE • 0% FINANCE AVAILABLE • 0% FINANCE AVAILABLE • 0% FINANCE AVAILABLE

ANCE AVAILABLE • 0% FINANCE AVAILABLE • 0% FINANCE AVAILABLE • 0% FINANCE AVAIL

WE SUPPLY ALL TYPES OF UPVC WINDOWS DOORS AND CONSERVATORIES AWARDED BEST DOUBLE GLAZING COMPANY IN WALES BY NETWORK VEKA

Visit Our Showroom at:

182 Neath Rd, Swansea SA1 2JT (Opposite Liberty Stadium)

01792 359244

EMAIL: mpnwindows@aol.com

www.mpnwindows.com

WINDOWS, DOORS

M.P.N & CONSERVATORIES

FAMILY OWNED BUSINESS