Jack Swan #11 by Jack Swan

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#11

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e are not going to win the league, we are not going to have a Champions League place come the end of the season, and I doubt we’ll even make the top 6. Sack the manager!!!! A bad month, a really bad month at times, Villa were far too strong all over the park and wanted the win more, Everton, although superb must hope they could play us every week and the Stoke game was awful, our frailties far too inevitable in the first half. We have leaked goals with ease at times while they dried up at the other end. Vorm and Williams, our Mr. Dependable’s last year have made more mistakes in the last few weeks than they did throughout the whole of last season. So is it all doom and gloom? The Reading game was hugely encouraging, although the result wasn’t what we wanted and we were playing a side who look clear favourites to go down. But we did look like ourselves again, dominating possession with players wanting the ball more. The defence looked more assured, Williams and Chico looked solid, Davies looks as though he’s been there for years and Angel has been the most reliable and consistent of all performers this far. The midfield has a wonderful balance to it with Ki in there, there are still questions about whether Michu is a third midfielder or a second striker but I really like the Ki-Leon combination and if Michu continues on his goal streak we can call him whatever we like but he’s an asset. A Spanish international warming up the bench for our wide position never sounds bad but we can’t continue to play an out of form lone striker. Luke Moore has looked far more dangerous in the fraction of time he has had on the pitch compared to Graham and I can’t understand why we’re keeping with the Geordie front man.

Last season people criticised him far too early, he missed a hat full of chances by this time last season but at least he was there and in the right positions. As yet he doesn’t look like scoring, drop him, give Moore a run and hope either Graham finds some form or Moore takes his chance. Some argue that we could bring JDG into the midfield and play Michu as the front man but I think we’ll be losing a major goal threat that way. It’s far easier for a centre half to mark a striker rather than a lazy, roaming midfielder. We have a very tough few games coming up and it wouldn’t be a huge surprise if next time I write this we find ourselves in the bottom 3. We have Wigan home and then have a run of games against the ‘big boys’, on present form I don’t feel that we can expect too much from these tougher games. Last season we were tough to beat and picked up points against Man City, Arsenal, Chelsea, Tottenham and Liverpool. This year, at present I don’t see us making the Liberty a fortress where even the top teams are scared to come. I still feel mixed about our chances as I’m sure you’ve worked out, 17th is still an achievement and I think we have a great chance of getting there but at this moment I’m not expecting to be relaxed come April.

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Swansea players are getting more and more famous these days. I’ve recently noticed there’s a character in S4C soap Pobl y Cwm called Garry Monk. Surely that can’t be a coincidence. The Garry Monk of Pobl y Cwm is a nasty piece of work who goes around making people’s lives a misery. Whereas the Swans’ club captain is only used to making opposing attackers lives a misery. (Although lately he’s spending more time on the bench or in the physio’s room.) So that got me thinking about other TV programmes and films which could include Swansea players. I’m thinking of sending these ideas to BBC Wales… The Muppets take Morriston Just like any other Muppets film, except Beaker is replaced with Alan Tate, who drives his golf buggy around Morriston and crashes into the DVLA. The A-Team Kemy Agustien plays BA Baracus – only because of the haircut he had for a few weeks last season. The Three Amigos Starring Angel Rangel, Michu and either Chico Flores or Pablo Hernandez. The third amigo is yet to be confirmed, as neither Chico or Pablo have shown they’re quite ready for the role yet. Possibility for sequel – The Four Amigos. Geordie Shore Danny Graham parties his way around the northeast, tashing on and bangin any lasses who fall for his charms. Does the bugle every time he ‘scores.’ Leon Remake of 1994 film about a hitman in New York, this time starring Leon Britton. Known for his reliability, and his 97% success rate. Speed There’s a bomb strapped to Nathan Dyer before the start of a match. If his speed goes below 5 mph the bomb explodes. Laudrup gives Kris O’Leary a slap when he suggests taking Dyer off after 60 minutes. The Rock Ashley Williams – when he’s on top form. Misery Neil Taylor – breaks his leg and spends the winter stuck in a snowdrift with Fede Bessone. And a few non-Swans… The Replacements Dorus De Vries, Darren Pratley and Scott Sinclair play three misguided players who spend a whole season warming benches around the country. The Unforgiven Roberto Martinez and Brendan Rodgers bring their teams back to the Liberty, and are made to feel as welcome as Jimmy Saville at a Childline convention. And finally; Choke The Malaysian Redbirds a.k.a. Cardiff City spend the whole season in the automatic promotion places before losing their bottle and the last 6 games of the season. They lose in the play-offs to a Stephen Dobbie hat-trick. Spoiler alert - In the closing scene, Craig Bellamy chokes on a piece of Lego.

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Fans have criticised Sinclair on choosing to sit on a warm comfy city bench earning a very modest pay rise rather than sitting on our new comfy benches which we bought specially for him when we realised Routledge was in fact the better player. Ungrateful sod!! Its easy to have a go at any player that leaves the club and it is difficult not to have sour grapes but with Dyer’s exclusion from another England squad isn’t joining one of ‘the big boys’ the only way to get picked by the growing list of lazy England managers? I’m certain that barring injury, over the next 3-4 months, Dyer will play more football than Sinclair, score more goals and have more assists. I am also pretty certain that in that time Scotty will be in the England squad while Dyer will continue to be overlooked. There seems to be a typical trend in an England player’s career. A player plays well and gets noticed at a ‘lesser club’ He gets bought by one of the ‘big clubs’ He gets in the England squad He gets dropped from the England squad for not playing enough club matches He moves to a ‘lesser club’ in search of first team football and to save his England career He never plays for England again. This has been the career choice for many a player, ask Darren Bent, Peter Crouch and Wes Brown. But this hasn’t put off players from the move as there is a long list of players still in their cycle. Adam Johnson, Stuart Downing, Scott Sinclair and Jermaine Defoe spring to mind and its just a matter of time before Nathan Dyer moves to stage 2. But could you blame him if like Scotty he takes his chance of joining a ‘big club’ and gets his inevitable England call? It is the pinnacle of most footballers careers (not ours in Wales it must be said) to represent your country, to sing your anthem and to pay in a World Cup. The current system though works for nobody. England have been poor for years, their golden generation was at most a golden 11, all of which first team players in the top clubs. Their squad players were in and out of the squad and they looked noticeably poor in tournaments once they needed to turn to any of them. I’d understand why an England manager wouldn’t want a player to be playing lower league football Dyer is playing up against the same full backs as other wingers in the squad. But whwne the last squal was chosen, the Kid at Liverpool had 3 premiership games under his belt and they sat in the relegation zone. Swansea at this point sat 2nd, Dyer had 2 goals to his name and he’d been outstanding once again. I see it only a matter of time before our speedy winger progresses in the cycle and England will have destroyed another player. I hope I’m wrong but like Sinclair, I wouldn’t blame him.

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W�� i� �� L��? With more racism this month in football plus huge discussions about what chants are funny and what oversteps the line, it got me thinking about us and our attitudes towards opposing fans and those lower league boys down the M4. Firstly, racism has absolutely no place in football or society. It is the ultimate in stupidity to belittle, mock or make assumptions of somebody due to their race or colour of their skin. Now I must say I think this is obvious and more than 99% of football fans agree with this and the others are idiotic no hopers who seek to blame other people for their atrocious life which they have built for themselves. But we do want chants in football and I want fans having banter, funny banter, abusive banter, but there is definitely a line. ‘Who’s that coming out of William Hill? It’s Michael Chopra!! It’s Michael Chopra!!!!’ I sang this to the little rat when he set foot on gods grass and I, like many, found it funny. Which side of the line is that? The man had a gambling problem, an addiction, is it Ok to poke fun at someone with an addiction? ‘He has a hole in his heart, Joe Kinnear, Joe Kinnear’ Going back a few years now but this chant was sung to the then Luton manager when visiting the Vetch after his continued heart problems. Not in great taste I must admit but I joined in, found it funny and still do to be honest. Channel 5’s ‘The Wright Stuff’ had a discussion on chants earlier in the month and one viewer who phoned in was cut short while singing ‘Park, Park wherever you may be, you eat dogs in your own country, well it could be worst, you could be a Scouse, eating a rat in your council house’. Now for me that is a good chant, it’s amusing. Matthew Wright stated that cannot be right and brought up the Hillsborough disaster. Now this is unmentioned, any referral to the Hillsborough disaster or the Munich air disaster or anywhere where there is a loss of life or a major accident has taken place is without doubt wrong and MILES over the line but that doesn’t mean that you can’t chant anything towards that team. Over the last decade the Swans and football as a whole has become more, let’s say, middle classed. And generally I don’t like it. Football and the Swans are not for the working classes anymore which is detrimental to both the game and society BUT (and I never thought I’d ever say this) I do prefer our ‘more mature’ and ‘more respectful’ relationship with our main enemy and visitors to South Wales. I don’t think the majority of fans would sing that to Joe Kinnear now, which if I’m honest is probably a good thing. I’m not saying that poor, working class people have less morels, (I hope not anyway because I certainly lie in that bracket) but I think its blatantly obvious that there are ‘different’ fans in the Liberty than were at the North bank and they generally have more money, are less drunk, swear less and do have a slightly greater interest in the game rather than the away fans (much to footballs loss I must add). Our Customers claims handler in the printers is a Cardiff fan and we naturally have a lot of banter. He says that their going through the same changes as we have but a few years behind. Their new stadium, like ours, has attracted more families, more affluent, well behaved fans. We both agree that we would happily go back in time: give me the Vetch everyday of the week (where we had no money, drank more, swore more and had a slightly greater interest in the away fans than the football) and he wants Ninium Park back (but then who would want a lego stadium, an accident waiting to happen). But with these growing new Cardiff fans I would hope that we don’t have to tolerate horse riding actions referring to the tragic death of Terry Coles next time we play the boys in Blue (I mean red, or whatever they are playing in by then, lets face it, we wont be playing them for a few years yet). That is also MILES over the line and a complete disgraceful. Now I hope clubs leave the Liberty thinking that we have an intimidating environment but we’re good humoured and a friendly club and I think most do. I think we know where that line is here and we represent ourselves well. Proud to be a Jack!! (in our nancy pancy stadium with sober judges) 9

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I was in the bookstore and I came across this book titled "Living with Parkinson’s Disease and Arthritis" this could be interesting I thought, so I flipped it over and read what the critics had to say about it; "After an initial shaky start, I just could not put this book down". The human body has 7 trillion nerves. Earnshaw manages to get on every one of them! Knock knock. Who's there? "Doorbell repair man" My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate. I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock. Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit. Cardiff girl in bed with her boyfriend says, "How dare you call me a slapper. Get out of my bed right now and take your mates with you!" The wife and I were lying in bed this morning when she said, "I think the romance in this relationship is dead" I wish she wouldn't talk to me while I'm having a wank. I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform but she says she doesn't like it. She says that it makes her sleepy and her bum sore. 30yr old maths teacher takes 15yr old student 100 miles to France at an average speed of 35mph. How many years will he spend in prison?

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Its been a poor time of it at late but these boys have done us proud during this spell. Angel Rangel

1st

2nd

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Swansea’s most consistent performer at the back and he’s contributed well going forward to. He’s found himself in unfamiliar positions this year, already scoring one and having numerous chances, some of which he’ll be upset not to have taken. He is our width on the right now Dyer is slightly more tucked in which is forcing him to play a bit further forward, a bit like Ashley Cole at Chelsea under Jose. Hope the Special one hasn’t been watching too many of our games this year.

Michu Some people seemed to feel that he petered out of games when they weren’t going our way, I must admit I thought that he’s the only player that has always looked like he could score at any moment. 5 goals in 7 games is outstanding for any player and he links up well with those around him. He’s not as complete a player as Siggy, doesn’t contribute defensively as much as we would like and he is a more direct player, playing further up-field but he will get close to 15 goals this year which at this level is quality. He gives us strength and throws himself about a bit, I would like to see him 10 or 15 yards further back when we haven’t got the ball and get into those meaty tackles which both Leon and Ki can’t win.

Wayne Routledge His equaliser against Reading was a superb finish even if he missed an easier chance in the first half while at 0-0. He has generally made chances in every game he’s played. He put in one of the balls of the season for Rangel at the end of the first half against Everton and has generally created well. Defenders are more aware of him and his desire to run at players from deep which has curbed his unbelievable start to the season. Still been our best wide man and looks dangerous.

Special Mention - Ben Davies Our Neath boy is doing better than any would have expected. I’m sure Neil Taylor is watching with a bit of anxiety as its going to be difficult to drop Ben once he returns. He’s not the finished article and will make mistakes as the season goes on but he’s been far from our worst player during this poor slump and I’m sure he’s taking home a fraction of what the other players earn. Good work and keep it up you jack bastaerd!!! T� A��i�� Ja�� Sw�� c�ntac� 07974 0��529

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Q�� 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) I think number 3 will get a lot of people this month, 4 isn’t easy either. Enjoy. Results to last months quiz are available at www.jackswan.co.uk All these people got the quiz right last time out:Wednesday Drinkers at the Commercial Inn, Rob Cook from Britton Ferry, Cody the Crown, Colin & staff at the little Cam Melyn, Waggy Matthews and Fly at the Cambrian Arms Melyn, Merlins Boys, Colliers Arms Trebanos, Make your own Quiz for Jack Swan? We’re all out of questions. We need your help. I’m struggling eac issue. Get us some ideas of new people and how to do them. Text in your answers and your ideas to 07974 055529

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As you know, we generally interview an ex-Swansea player for our ‘where are they now’ page but for this issue we felt we must pay tribute to the biggest waste of space and t~at which has ever put on our shirt. We did try to get in touch with him to comment but unsurprisingly he was otherwise engaged. If you haven’t heard about any of this beforehand, enjoy (article stolen from somewhere) :Former Chelsea striker Leon Knight has been suspended from Twitter and is being investigated by police after allegedly attempting to launch a campaign called 'Slag Alert Pictures' on the site. Calling himself 'Leon The Knight: Foe To The Hoe', the footballer was allegedly intending to tweet raunchy pictures of women sent in by their ex-boyfriends, without their permission. The 'event' was publicised under the strapline 'It's judgment day bitches' and discussions were promoted under the hashtag #sap. Knight, who is currently out of work, began tweeting 'taster' pictures of women before the official 8pm launch. However Twitter quickly suspended his account after complaints. His Wikipedia page was also hacked in response to the campaign. Although it has now returned to normal, for about an hour it read: "Leon Knight is a 29-year-old ex-footballer who now sits at home on benefits in his undies eating pot noodle butties and bullying girls on the internet." It's not the first time Knight has been condemned for offensive comments on the social media site. The striker was released from his contract with Glentoran in June over alleged homophobic comments made on Twitter. In July Danielle Lloyd, who is married to Wolverhampton midfielder Jamie O'Hara said she would leave Twitter over the abuse sent to her by Knight. She said in July: "Sadly I might be coming off twitter as I can't take much more abuse from scum when all am trying to do is be a good mum & wife I love all my fans and wish and its shame I might have to do this but I've got to put my family first Thanks for all your support Xxx" I have refrained from posting some of his tweets but lets just say he a vile and disgusting man and I thought you all deserve to know where he is now.:-THE GUTTER!!!! T� A��i�� Ja�� Sw�� c�ntac� 07974 0��529

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The next few weeks sees us play not one but two of our former managers, both of whom are credited with our complete success depending on which one is being talked about. But which one made the greater impact on our club and which one would I rather see living alone in a one bedroom flat, eating out of date pot noodles reading old newspaper cuttings of his glory days at SA1?

I feel nothing but hate towards Robetro. Hate is a strong word, maybe too strong and its true that this ‘hatred’ has lessened over recent years but its fair to say I don’t like him. I loved the man, I remember the first time I met him. I was walking towards the gym in Llandarcy and was still quite a way away and someone was holding the door open for me. You know when its meant in a nice way but your so far away it becomes more awkward than if they had just let the door close behind them, so you have to pick up your speed in order to get to the door out of politeness, well that’s how it was and when I got to the door it was our then Spanish manager. He was and probably still is a real gentleman, instantly liked and adored by the Swansea faithful. He would still be adored if not for that one line ‘I was forced out as a player and I’ll have to be forced out as a manager’. I still remember smugly laughing while he was linked with the Celtic and then Wigan job, ‘he’d never leave us, he’ll be with us for thirty years, and we’ll get to the premiership with him and Europe’. He left me and many feeling like idiots, like your wife has run off days after declaring her undying love for you, only much much worst than that. This was far more important, this was about whether we’d sign Jordi Gomez or Craig Beattie.

Looking back us unobjectionably as possible, how much did Roberto contribute to where we are now? I’ve said on numerous occasions that we have improved each and every season since our Hull heroics and every manager (even Souza) played their part. Roberto did introduce a continental style of play which was unseen in the then League 1, we played possession football using every outfield player and started using the 4-5-1 formation which we currently still use (but Robbie doesn’t). Some of our better players were signed and improved under the former midfielder, Ashley Williams and Angel Rangel the obvious players. For all his good it’s not fair to say we went from being a ‘lump it up there’ side to being Barcelona during his tenure. He himself played alongside Leon in what could never be called a ‘get in to them’ midfield. Let’s not forget that under Marthinez defensively we were awful, something which got passed onto Wigan on his return. We never practiced defending corners in training and it showed come Saturday when time after time we would lose silly goals in games which we dominated. He, like Jacket and Flynn before him, played a big role in our progress but lets not credit him too much, he was who we needed at the time and looking back, he left at the right time. Souza came in, tightened up the defence and then along came Brendon. Now unlike Robbie, Brendon always said he wanted to leave one day for a ‘bigger club’ we were soon to learn that not everything he said was as true. I’d learned after Marthinez departed, never to love a manager again and so I never got involved with Brendon, I saved

Target Aerials all my love for Huw. So any ill-feeling I have towards the fat bastard is simply professional hatred, no emotion involved.

Initially I was fine with him going, Liverpool are a club with huge history (history being passed tense if anyone didn’t know) and I couldn’t begrudge him his move. Then came his Marthinez-Judus moment: ‘he wasn’t going to bid for any of our players for 12 months’. 12 weeks later and he has already signed our best young player for a generation and rumoured to be after our team captain, this after taking Colin Pascoe and other people I’d never heard of, didn’t know what they did but I’m allowed to be pissed off with them leaving, I miss them.

Now, I can’t sit here and say he did a bad job. He clearly didn’t, He was well liked amongst the players and his connections with Chelsea brought us some good training routines as well as Scott Sinclair and Fabio Borini. He tinkered with our style slightly, generally keeping Souza’s defence and Marthinez attack, not really rocket scientist’s logic but it was implemented well. He did make some brave decisions after promotion, Caulker and Taylor being first choice at the back without any experienced cover being one which really paid off. Brendon will always be, a long side Tosh, the man who took us to the top flight and gave us some great memories in that season. We will never know but barring a shocking Dave Bassett appointment post Souza I felt that our progression to the premiership was inevitable. He did a fine job but he had all the ingredients to do so, thus far he’s not having quite so much fun elsewhere.

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What possibly makes me more annoyed than this is the credit he had for his time with us. Apparently it was now Brednon who taught us his philosophy, we were a ‘lump it up’ there team and the Northern Irishman came and showed us sexy football. He came to us So, onto their return. I will always boo Robbie having been in his lastinstallation, post after less for the reasons I have mentioned, he left me Wesacked provide maintenance than 12 months, he had no illustrious playing for someone else after promising he wouldn’t. and upgrade service locally Iin the Swansea area. career, was a general unknown and we gave think I will probably give a mute reception to If would like more or quote himyou a chance in what was probably the information Brendon, couldn’t clapahim but don’t feel he easiest managerial post in football. deserves be booed472282 to the same extent as regarding this, you can call on to 01792 Marthinez. Out of the two though I’d love to I say this because in a crazy business, the club see pot noodle stains all over the Northern was solid financially, well run and in profit. The Irishman suite while he waits in the job centre backroom staff was already there (the main for an opening in the DVLA. reason he got the job actually, other managers applied for the post came with baggage, not all called Tore Gripp but you get the idea, after Judas Marthinez ripped the backroom staff out of the club, Sir Huw decided no manager can bring others with them which cut the short list massively). The players were united and got on, the defence was sound after Souza and it was clear all we needed was a few more goals and we had more money which we had ever had to spend on a goal scorer – cue Scott Sinclair.

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all my love for Huw. So any ill-feeling I have towards the fat bastard is simply professional hatred, no emotion involved. Initially I was fine with him going, Liverpool are a club with huge history (history being passed tense if anyone didn’t know) and I couldn’t begrudge him his move. Then came his Marthinez-Judus moment: ‘he wasn’t going to bid for any of our players for 12 months’. 12 weeks later and he has already signed our best young player for a generation and rumoured to be after our team captain, this after taking Colin Pascoe and other people I’d never heard of, didn’t know what they did but I’m allowed to be pissed off with them leaving, I miss them. What possibly makes me more annoyed than this is the credit he had for his time with us. Apparently it was now Brednon who taught us his philosophy, we were a ‘lump it up’ there team and the Northern Irishman came and showed us sexy football. He came to us having been sacked in his last post after less than 12 months, he had no illustrious playing career, was a general unknown and we gave him a chance in what was probably the easiest managerial post in football.

So, onto their return. I will always boo Robbie for the reasons I have mentioned, he left me for someone else after promising he wouldn’t. I think I will probably give a mute reception to Brendon, couldn’t clap him but don’t feel he deserves to be booed to the same extent as Marthinez. Out of the two though I’d love to I say this because in a crazy business, the club see pot noodle stains all over the Northern was solid financially, well run and in profit. The Irishman suite while he waits in the job centre backroom staff was already there (the main for an opening in the DVLA. reason he got the job actually, other managers applied for the post came with baggage, not all called Tore Gripp but you get the idea, after Judas Marthinez ripped the backroom staff out of the club, Sir Huw decided no manager can bring others with them which cut the short list massively). The players were united and got on, the defence was sound after Souza and it was clear all we needed was a few more goals and we had more money which we had ever had to spend on a goal scorer – cue Scott Sinclair.

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