ry Matt Ber
Keith Lemon
The Midnight Beast
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RACHEL PRONGER reveals all the latest news and gossip from the music industry
the bitch is back SILLY WILLIE ELTON John has accused ITV talent show The X Factor of inflicting psychological damage on contestants. Bonafide diva John lashed out at Simon Cowell’s hugely popular juggernaut, criticising the impersonal management style and worrying about the long term prospects of its victors. Speaking to Christian O'Connell on his Absolute Radio Breakfast Show last week Sir Elton asked: "What's the psychological damage going to be when you've humped and dumped them, and the next
one comes along?" and expressed concern that “genuinely talented” artists such as 2008 winner Alexandra Burke, would suffer long-term because of a lack of live experience. The multi-million selling singer-songwriter remains critical despite being paid the dubious honour of having a themed week built around him earlier in the series. Wagner Carrilho performed a medley of “I’m still standing” and “Circle of Life” whilst surrounded by half naked women. This may explain Sir Elton's dismay.
COUNTRY legend Willie Nelson has been arrested for cannabis possession in Texas. The septuagenarian singer-songwriter was apprehended when border control agents, attracted by an odd smell, discovered six grams of the drug in the back of Nelson’s tour bus. Nelson, an outspoken advocate for the legalisation of marijuana, posted bail but could face up to six months in prison. The delightfully restrained sheriff Arvin West threatened that if sentenced to county jail Nelson would have to cook and clean like everyone else. In 2006, Nelson narrowly avoided
THIS jail after being arrested for possession in Louisiana. “The other guys were 60 years old... I'm 73," Nelson said, “so it's like they busted an old folks' home." Don’t you just wish he was your grandad?
ROCK AND ROLL STAR? FORMER Oasis front man Liam Gallagher has announced that he can no longer bother partying. Everyone’s second favourite Mancunian grump appears to be mellowing with age, claiming that he now prefers “a quiet night in” with the family to glitzy celeb shindigs. Gallagher claimed he “hadn’t really been out for 24 years...I can’t really be bothered with these parties anymore.” Although the sentiment was somewhat undermined as he was being interviewed at a Primal Scream after show at the time. Once almost as famous for his status as an abrasive tabloid regular
as his musical career, Gallagher now sings with Beady Eye as well as designing fancy parkas and over priced fleeces for clothing company Pretty Green.
WILLOW WHIPS IT UNLESS you've been living in a hole over the last month, you have probably noticed that a feisty youngster has been taking over our radio waves with her repeated assertions that she likes to "whip [her] hair back and forth." The whippersnapper in question is Willow Smith, daughter of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, and probably the coolest ten year old ever. Now she has been immortalised in this spectacular sesame street mashup. Just type in "Willow Smith vs. Sesame Street" and get whippin'.
CHRISTMAS CHOONS
FATHER BITCHMAS (aka Tom Marlow) and his little helper (Jaime Riley) guide you through this year's contenders for the top spot
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t's cold, it's dark, it's snowy. You have wet socks, a Poundland advent calendar and you're sick of having constant hat hair thanks to your new Russian inspired number. But here at Vision, we're all about the festive cheer, especially the XMAS CHOONAGE. Father Bitchmas and his little helpers look at this years contenders for Christmas number one... First of all, there is the obvious contender, the winner of X Factor. Everybody is talking about it, you don't even have to tune in on a Saturday night to find out what's going on thanks to constant Facebook commentary across the globe. But who will win? Who cares, they will only
release a half-hearted cover with a tacky key change anyway. Alas, if the winner does not take it all (note poor Joe McElderry missing out last year) Gamu Nhengu is fresh from the deportation office and has hit the studio to record a song 'Where Will You Sleep Tonight?' All proceeds from the single's sales will go to the children's charity Aberlou, raising money to help Scottish families and children. Four for you Gamu Nhengu, you go Gamu Nhengu! Next up, the woman who gets us in a Diva Fever, Mariah 'Mimi' Carey has released a whole album devoted to the season of festive frolics. Sixteen years after the iconic 'All I Want for Christmas is You', Mariah releases 'Oh Santa', a fun filled extravaganza of cheerful cheese. We've seen Mariah come a long way during the last two years, from staring in the gritty drama 'Precious' and now to her back in her comfort zone singing 'Ho Ho Ho' in a slutty Mrs. Claus outfit. Obviously, after last year's success, there will also be those ridiculous Facebook groups trying to convince us that commercialism is not the way forward for Christmas Number 1. One example from this year is for John Cage's 4'33", which is a three part symphony of complete silence. At the time of writing, the group had over 30,000 fans and numbers continue to grow as the end of the month draws near. Surely you wouldn't want to waste your money paying for silence?! 'Surfin' Bird', often known for its appearance on Family Guy, is also rumoured to reach the top spot thanks to a group of over excited students. The group has 600,000 members and counting and is looking like a popular op-
tion to tip The X Factor this year. Perhaps most surprising is the offering from everyone's surrogate TV dad, Harry Hill, with his new song 'I Wanna Baby'. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING HARRY?! The potential Christmas hit stars a chav from a council es-
tate who wants a baby. It's been hailed as "blood curdlingly bad" and whoever said that was right - who wants a song about a chav and a baby to be played on the radio every five minutes over the period of Christmas cheer? Our final tip for the top spot is Rick Astley, with 80s favourite Never Gonna Give You Up. We've all been RickRolled - could this be the best yet?
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THE MIDNIGHT BEAST MILANA KNEZEVIC chats to comedy band The Midnight Beast about YouTube, live shows and devoted fans...
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n our viral day and age, the Internet has become an increasingly important aide on the path to stardom. Every day, thousands upon thousands of wannabes upload their acoustic covers of chart toppers, detailed dance routines and carefully edited comedy spoofs hoping to be lifted out of obscurity and into to mainstream through the powers of the world wide web. Initially, the plan might work out quite well. Your snippet gets emailed, retweeted and posted on millions of facebook walls, and in return your view figures skyrocket. Sadly, for many, that's it - fifteen seconds of online fame, before being dispatched to the barren wasteland that is the home of the YouTube hasbeens. Every now and then, however, you do get the occasional success story. The acts that manage to break down the viral wall and take their first cautious steps into the mainstream. Acts like The Midnight Beast. The trio, consisting of Stefan Abington, Dru Wakely and Ashley Horne shot to YouTube fame last year with their parody of Ke$ha's inane, but annoyingly catchy TiK ToK. The video currently boasts over 9 million views, with the numbers still increasing. This was likely helped by Ke$ha herself tweeting its praises (she would later admit that she wished they had directed her video) and it featuring on the front page of the MTV website. Cashing in on the massive Internet exposure, the boys have now set their sights on conquering the real world. They've released their first EP, Booty Call, they're currently hosting a regular segment on Alexa Chung's Gonzo report and over the summer they hit the festival circuit, culminating in a slot at Reading and Leeds. Recently, they also wrapped up their first headlining tour, complete with impressive stage production and even backup dancers, selling out all seven dates. When I caught up with the boys before their Leeds gig, they definitely seemed most excited about the live performance aspect of their newfound fame. "It's been amazing, to be going to different places that we haven't been before and seeing people singing the words," says lead singer Abington. Impressive as it might be to have an hugely popular YouTube video, it's a far cry from being able to fill up a venue like the Leeds Cockpit, a point which has in no way escaped the group. "Obviously on the Internet it's amazing, but at the end of the day it's just numbers and you don't really think that that's gonna translate into real people. We played a gig in Brighton and I think 2000 people just turned up on the
beach. To see that after just looking at numbers on your computer screen over the Christmas holidays is mental," he elaborates. "It kind of brought it home and made it a bit more real," adds Wakely. Despite their ever-growing popularity, they're adamant that they never believed it would go this far. Abington does however admit that releasing a parody of such a well-known track definitely helped kick things off. “Dru and I had written Ninjas before we did TiK ToK, but then once we’d done TiK ToK with Ashley it just kinda went through the roof.” The attention garnered from the TiK ToK success allowed them to gradually start releasing more and more of their own material, which has arguably become an even bigger hit amongst their by now, relatively sizeable fanbase. “It was just amazing that people got the original stuff as much as they did the other peoples.” Though they’ve now started to make their name as a comedy act, that wasn’t always the plan. Abington and Wakely have both been in a number of more serious bands, including Clik Clik, an inide four-piece that generated considerable buzz among music pundits a couple of years ago. Horne on the other hand was pursuing an acting career, landing small parts in Eastenders, Foyle's War and Doctor Who. (Speaking of the latter, I was asked to make a point out of most of his lines being viciously cut out. So, to any Doctor Who editors reading this: for shame!). They stress that it was never a conscious decision on their part to stop doing what they were doing and move on to comedy. "It would be so weird if
we though we were funny. All we were doing to each other were private jokes, and the fact that everyone else got it was brilliant!" Looking at their videos it is indeed clear that it all must've started out as insider jokes between boys, with song topics ranging from dropping your trousers in public, to girls who don't fancy you being lesbians. In print it seems somewhat bizarre and even childish, but there is no doubt their sense of humour has caught on, with their combined YouTube channel views currently at around 25 million. Abington explains that a lot of their inspiration comes as a reaction to the pop music of today. "You just think how can it really be possible that that's in the charts? Why is everyone writing about going to clubs when they're clearly not mental?" "And DJ's! There are so many songs about DJ's!" Horne pipes in. In the end, the guys believe their popularity stems from not trying to be popular. “A lot of artists write for other people and think about what’s gonna sell but we’re just writing to make each other laugh.” And their strategy seems to be working. Queuing up outside, I met people who had travelled up from London solely for the show, people decked out in merch from head to toe, chanting “TMB”. The boys seem somewhat embarrassed by the newfound and sudden fame. "Recently it's started to go a bit mental," Horne admits. I mention screaming girls, and he apologetically retorts “we’re the biggest geeks you’ll know!” In addition to the above, the guys can tell of especially devoted fans bringing gifts to gigs. Abington has been given bras (standard rock star), while Wakely is regularly showered with Twixes (watch their tearjerker "Daddy" to get the reference). Horne on the other hand is getting a brand spanking new pair of shoes. "They're bringing them to me on Monday, so I'm looking forward to that," he says with a grin. So, with such a loyal fanbase and an already impressive CV, I wonder what the future holds for the Midnight Beast. They seem positive, saying they would love to cross over into other mediums. "We absolutely want to do both TV, music and film, whether it's our own indie way or on a bigger scale." As they step onto the stage, facing a horde of screaming fans, with another tour already lined up for February, it seems clear that this viral wonder is well on its way to conquering the real world.
HANNAH VOSS reviews the latest releases... EEls baby loves me
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dmittedly, this track isn’t the most comfortable of listens; the verses are dominated by Everett's gruff, monotone vocals, and although jarring melodies have become an Eels trademark over the years, this time it feels as though they’ve pushed it too far. Another Eels trademark that remains intact however, is the downbeat wit of the lyrics. Everett’s lyrics are often ironic, always bizarre and never boring and 'Baby Loves Me' is no exception. The song isn’t bad; it just isn’t good, and in comparison to some of the tracks that Eels have created in previous years, it doesn’t quite cut it.
mark ronson ft. boy george somebody to love me
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n theory, the coalescence of a leading DJ and an infamous 80’s icon could hardly produce a track that is anything other than exceptional. However on first listen,it comes across as somewhat nondescript. At times, the tribalsounding beats are at odds with the soulful vocals and the song doesn’t carry the impact that you might expect. Having said that, it’s not all bad. The production is flawless, and despite the incongruity, the track is so smooth and funky that it’s hard to not like. It’s not the best track off the album, but 'Somebody To Love Me' is unusual and catchy.
Hurts stay
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his is intense and powerful, starting with a resonating piano-led verse before building to a crescendo at the chorus, backed by a soprano choir and the melancholic, cliché-filled lyrics (‘We say goodbye in the pouring rain/And I break down as you walk away/Stay, stay’). 'Stay' is just another excellent track from the duo’s album, if a little more moving and ballad-esque than their usual synth-pop sound. This song, more than any other they’ve released, invokes a curiosity about the strange, blank-faced pair who have created their own distinctive contemporary style with just a twist of nostalgia.
starlings Weight in GolD
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’m not sure whether it’s their reliance on the synth, the echoic, haunting vocals or the military tread of the beat, but there is something incredibly exciting about this Sheffield four piece’s first single; Starlings are nothing if not refreshing. The track starts with a strong, steady march-like beat and blends into the slicker, smoother sounds of the chorus, keeping up a catchy sound throughout that wouldn’t sound out of place in an obscure night club in the early 80’s. Their Myspace page proclaims that they are here to "provide a rhythmical release from the humdrum offerings of the daily grind", and if evidence of their first single is anything to go by, then they might just succeed.
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Albums... N-Dubz
love. live. life
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Out Now
lato said that the wise man talks because he has something to say; the fool, because he has to say something. I know very little about music, but when I hear the third album in three successive years from UK hip-hop sensation N-Dubz I feel I have taken a step closer to comprehend the what the Bono of the Philosophy world was trying to say. However, I am no expert in the field of music and could easily make the case that you can apply the same logic to this review. I may have been a little hubristic when I offered to do this. And it seems highly likely that I will end up looking quite incredibly foolish.
I became aware of N-Dubz the first time that Dappy appeared on Never Mind the Buzzcocks. He struck me as a bit of a tool, mainly because he insisted on wearing a chullo, which he called a “Dappy Hat” as though he'd invented the thing. Earlier this year there was a story about his text bullying of a woman he'd never met, who'd texted in to The Chris Moyles Show to criticise the band. Not mentioning the fact that the band were fronting a government endorsed campaign to stop bullying. It's nice when one's first impressions are shown to be correct. I mention all this not because it's relevant, but because it has just taken me up to within twenty words of my lower limit. I didn't like any of the songs. 'Toot it and Boot it' was boring and creepy, 'Best Behaviour' was dull and a little bit sexist, 'Love Sick' was the best track I heard as it was only unineresting. The rest of the album doesn't really bare mentioning but the major issue with this album is not only is it catastrophically bad because that is what I have come to expect from this three-piece. In fact what is wrong with the latest album is that I can't even bop along to these tracks unlike previous albums and, anyway I'm giving it one star because, in many ways, I'm as much of a dick as Dappy is.
MATT PARKER
Take That Progress
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f the words “My Chemical Romance” bring to mind images of sulky, eye-linered and guylinered teens and Hollywood Undead's seminal classic 'I Must Be Emo’ well, you wouldn't be alone. The boys, however, are back and, like most of their fans from the early days of Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, the album that set them on the path to fame, they've changed. A lot. My Chemical Romance's previous venture, The Black Parade, a stadium-filling concept album, saw them achieve critical acclaim before their vilification in the tabloids. The Sun in particular launched a vicious vendetta against the band, painting lead singer, Gerard Way, as the head of a suicide cult. Following such controversy, Way’s announced plans to produce a stripped down, back to basics album were unsurprising. Thank God they scrapped those plans. While not as overtly, exhaustingly concept based as The Black Parade there is still a concept behind Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys. The influence of Gerard Way’s love of comics is clear as the album loosely follows the titular "Killjoys” – masked bandits who fight against the oppressive “Better Living Industries” in an apocalyptic landscape. It’s a
my chemical romance Danger Days Out Now vibrant, cinematic concept, one that is more than lived up to. Danger Days is somehow simultaneously more hardcore and more poptastic than anything My Chemical Romance have produced before. The first single, 'Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)’ is, like its title, a blast of raw, childish energy. It is most reminiscent of ‘I’m Not Okay’, the lead single from Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge which marked the band down as the darlings of the fast forming emo movement. Another stand out track is ‘Planetary (Go!)’, a hyperactive, electro-synth laden track that perfectly captures the pure energy that runs throughout the album. From the filthy rawness of ‘Destroya’ to the grab your lighter, made for stadium tunes of ‘The Kids from Yesterday’ and ‘S/C/ A/R/E/C/R/O/W’, Danger Days is packed with deliciously crafted slices of pop-rock. A true return to form from the boys in black.
TEJA PISK
Out Now
rogress is the fastest selling album this century, the second fastest selling album of all time (behind Oasis' Be Here Now) and marks the reunion of Robbie Williams and Take That, possibly the biggest British solo artist/pop group of the past two decades. So it's fair to say there's a lot riding on this. Yet let's not forget that, despite the hype, at the end of the day this is simply a 45-minute LP of music. So looking at it objectively, as if I had never heard of Take That, is it anygood? Admittedly yes, exceptionally so. Gone are the cringe worthy lyrics and dodgy Euro pop synths from the first time around, back in the 90s, and reduced greatly are the mature but rather plain ballads from their re-invention as a four-piece man band; instead the group take the best elements from each era and create something with genuine credibility. The synthesisers return, but are well layered and structured this time; tracks like 'SOS' and 'Kidz' display the type of meticulous production values that were lacking in their teenage years. And whilst there are still ballads, they
are greatly boosted by some harder backing beats, take lead single 'The Flood' for example, which also boasts lyrical integrity, something not generally associated with the band. In short, Progress marks a leap into the void that was their hiatus, greatly aided I expect, by the return of Williams, who filled this gap with his successful solo career. And this of course is the crux of the debate; how does Williams slot into the fold? Seamlessly. He doesn't steal the limelight, nor is he shy and reticent, the five-piece hit the ground running - working as a band, and playing to their individual strengths. Williams and Gary Barlow take the writing and melody responsibilities, whilst Mark Owen provides the dynamic flair. Howard Donald and Jason Orange are admittedly still 'the other two' but both are given a fair crack at singing and writing, and as seen in the band's recent documentary (Look Back, Don't Stare) they are happy to be on equal footing with the other three on this ambitious and daring journey. The single showed intent, the album is bold, and the 1.35 million people who will see them at next summer's live shows are in for something truly unique.
GEORGE OSBORNE
KANYE WEST My DARK TWISTED FANTASY
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Out Now
fter the death of his mother and a rough break-up, Kanye West fell into a hedonistic lifestyle, which at its high points saw him making a brief career change into the self-indulgent world of Auto-Tune, and at its lowest, the infamous stage invasion at last year's VMAs. In My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, the man takes a step back, and the music takes centre stage. Perhaps realising that the world was not yet prepared for another pure dose of Kanye West, he receives a lot of assistance from not only the usual suspects Jay-Z, Kid Cudi and John Legend make appearances - but from any artist he takes a particular liking to; he enlists indie group Bon Iver, socialite Teyana Taylor and Elton John as backing singers, and samples the radical spoken-word artist Gil Scott Heron to close the album. By balancing such contrasting styles and moulding them to fit his own musical vision, Kanye lets his music do the talking. That is not to say that the album isn’t filled with the idiosyncrasies and contradictions of Kanye West. In 'Runaway' he paints a brutally honest self-portrait, calling himself a "douchebag", "asshole", "scumbag" and "jerk-off" - while in
the next song he is declaring that "pussy and religion is all I need". The bleakest song of the album, 'Blame Game,' shows Kanye wondering how far he is responsible for a failing relationship, and is followed by a three minute skit by Chris Rock, who praises Kanye for teaching his girlfriend some new sex moves. By embracing his contradictions and presenting them, without apology, on this album, and accompanying them with the most advanced musical sound of his career, Kanye West has made a masterpiece.
WILL HAYDON
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ARE LIVE ALBUMS DEAD?
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STEPHEN BARBAGIANNIS analyses the power of the live album
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ive albums have been a permanent, and highly controversial, feature of the music industry since the 1960s. They are intended to allow acts to capture the energy, personality and vision of a live performance on disk; a vibrant alternative to dusty studio recordings. Some live albums have achieved iconic status becoming a defining highlight in an artist's career. Unmissable examples include Johnny Cash's famously barnstorming Folsom Prison album and Nirvana's MTV Unplugged album, that displayed a rawer, more vulnerable side to the iconic grungers. Live albums can also be a canny indicator of where an artist's sound is headed. James Brown's Live at the Apollo is a brilliant example, with a consumate performance of "Night Train" revealing the funkier edge that he became famous for. A live album also allows fans of artists no longer performing to get a taste of the live atmosphere they would never be able to experience otherwise, increasing the life span of a touring band. The ability of a live album to capture a particular moment in time can be unique and powerful. The beauty of live albums is that, at their best, they can create a live atmosphere that can be replayed again and again, giving the normally transient experience of live music a potentially infinite life span.
Live albums can also give a band the opportunity to practically re-release their songs, showing how they have developed and grown. Joy Division saw Les Baines Douches as a chance to perform their songs as they were originally intended after being disappointed when Unknown Pleasures was released upon hearing how the record had been produced, creating a more raw, edgier sound. Not everyone is so positive about the live album however. Critics see this as tarnishing the live experience, de-valuing the time and effort it takes to attend gigs. If live albums are readily available, maybe it compromises the exclusivity of such an experience. Is it worth paying over the odds for tickets and queuing for hours if the entire live experience can be distilled onto a disk and bought on Amazon for under a tenner? It is true that there is also a certain amount of flexibility and spontaneity to a genuine, top drawer live performance that cannot be achieved in the studio. A key example of a band that failed to connect on disc is the Grateful Dead whose Europe '72 CD just didn't quite capture the magic. On CD a band may become self indulgent and detached from their audience as Rolling Stones fell victim to on Got Live. Controversy seems to court live music and albums can provide startling
records of this. Bob Dylan's Live at the Albert Hall Concert has become iconic as the one where he "went electric", was labelled as Judas by outraged fans and produced one of the most famous albums of all time. Dylan and his band went onto produce one of their greatest ever performances to date showing his complexity as a performer. A complacent act however can suffer during a live recording as the continuity and the pressure may hinder their performance and once its on record, delicate performers are left unable to hide from a bad gig. In all, a decent live album can be as good if not better than a studio album, allowing you to experience a performance and sound that can only be surpassed by attending a live gig.
Annalie Stuffins and cHRis craddock talk the holidays and tiring tours with...
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he boys from The Sunshine Underground were unlike your average rockstars; lovely and chatty and it’s them who begin to ask questions first at our interviews. Thrown off guard, it takes us a bit too long to reply to the simple question “Where are you from?” and on our answer, Craig (lead singer) jumps in saying: “Oh! We played York Uni the other month” and Matt (drummer) adds: “Yeah, it was Freshers' Week”. We pressed on, asking what they remembered from the week. “There was a massive firework display that looked like it cost a million pounds!” Craig commented, whilst Matt looked nonplussed and shrugged in agreement. After our initial knock down, our confidence was at full throttle. We pressed them about their latest album, Nobody’s Coming To Save You, and how it differs from their debut, Raise The Alarm. Craig has obviously prepared for this and launches off straight away. "It’s the first
time we felt we were making an album, it’s like a project. We wanted a heavier guitar sound with this one; we thought our album didn’t sound as good as we did live”. Nobody’s Coming To Save You does indeed fit the bill with much more vibrant guitar tracks and less stereotypically indie sounds. We causally ask why the band left a four year gap between the albums and the answer came back clear and simple. “Pure laziness!” says Craig, who’s now getting into his stride.“We lost Matt to heroin addiction for three years,” nudging the drummer who hasn’t been able to get a word in edge-ways. “Our actual excuse: we toured for two and a half years and when we came to the end of the tour we felt we didn’t have enough to make another album.” Matt justifies the wait with: “a lot of bands rush their second album”. On the issue of touring, the guys tell us: “we’ve got quite a history of playing this venue [Fibbers] and never once did it look like this; it looks like a real venue instead of a pub. It’s easier to feel more comfortable with a small crowd; it’s more intimate and I like that”. Craig talks about the festival experience being so unusual: “You never know what’s going to happen, whether it’s going to be your crowd or not, if it will be any good, snow or rain, you never know till you’re up there playing.” All in all it becomes clear that the band’s bread and butter is in venues like Fibbers, and although the odd festival is always welcome, they’d much rather play to 50
hardcore fans than thousands of people who are only waiting for crowd-pleaser ‘Borders’. With the boys softened up by questions over tours and albums, we go in for the really hard questions - about Christmas! Excitement springs into Craig’s eyes as soon as presents are mentioned. “We should definitely get each other presents!” he exclaims, which incurs a grunt of disapproval from Matt. We feel that may have inadvertently caused a potential band rift that could have seen them spilt over this decisive issue before our very eyes. Thankfully this highly awkward hypothetical situation never occurred. “I’ll buy you a drink” is how Matt dodges around this issue and Craig, seemingly satisfied with this, goes onto to describe a detailed Christmas party with everyone part of the band which would involve a lot of dressing up. We don’t let up with the hard questions and push to what we really want to know and ask what the New Year holds for the band. For Matt this involves “renting a mobile home and touring the south of England”, while Craig is a bit more elusive. “I might be DJing or getting really smashed, but you can’t really think about it too much because there’s all that pressure that you got to have a really good night and you shouldn’t really think about it”. And for New Year’s resolutions? We got a unanimous answer. An album every year, so that there's something to fill your annual Christmas stocking.
Greg Powell
FOLK BITCH
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igh No More? Save one last sigh of relief for the fact that Mumford & Sons didn’t win the Mercury Prize this year. Why the dated comment about an event that happened several months ago? Well, I think it’s high time for a reappraisal of Mumford & Sons, and endless streams of praise that comes gushing from the public. My main bone of contention is why that just because they have a banjo and a mandolin, they’re suddenly awarded folk credentials? The inclusion of an (until recently) obscure instrument, more commonly associated with racism and hillbillies, isn’t an automatic ticket to being either folky or original. The banjo has become vogue in recent years, famously with the likes of Sufjan Stevens, as well as Johnny Flynn (another, better, musician embroiled in the supposed ‘Nu Folk’ genre). However, these artists use the banjo in creative and innovative new ways, as opposed to Mumford’s ubiquitous 30 second banjo roll in every song. For a band that is supposedly involved in a new wave of folk inspired music, Mumford’s use of the banjo gives them more in common with 1940s Bluegrass than anything fresh or modern. It seems their inclusion in the ‘Nu Folk’ genre has more to do with being part of the London based, Laura-Marling-bed-hopping acoustic mafia than any genuine folk element to their music. But Mumford & Sons aren’t bad because they’re not sufficiently folky. They’re bad due to their bland music, incessant songs about romantic martyrdom, their bizarre conception of modern masculinity and their simplistic metaphors (best illustrated by their relentless use of the word ‘heart’). They don’t have to be folk to be good, but they do have to be talented.
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Lives... A
s I scanned the room to discover that the average age of the audience was somewhere around 12 (if you exclude the weary looking chaperones), I suddenly felt every one of my 19 years. But from the moment Jedward stepped on stage, a (double) vision in spray-on gold trousers, I decided to cast aside my reservations and embrace what was clearly going to be a memorable evening. Backflips, cartwheels and perhaps slightly too much self-groping were all regular features of the evening’s performance, much to the delight of the audience. It seems that now, finally freed from the shackles of Brian Friedman’s choreography, the boys actually have some pretty impressive dance moves. Though their vocals may have taken a back seat to flamboyant Busted-style jumps, it’s hard to argue that this did anything but enhance the show. The set list constituted a fabulous collection of top pop tunes, of course includ-
Fibbers, York
Jedward
York Grand Opera House 15/11/10 ing their unforgettable number 2 hit 'Under Pressure (Ice, Ice Baby)'. I feared the audience may have turned when the duo broke into Bay City Roller’s 1975 classic 'Bye, Bye, Baby' but thankfully this pre-2000 error was swiftly rectified by a return to form with their own take on the Jonas Brothers’ 'SOS'. A spontaneous acapella version of the Pokémon theme tune reminded me of the impulsive joy of live music. Unfortunately, attempts at audience participation fell pretty flat due to the majority still being in utero at the height of Pokémon fame – pity. After 2 hours of (slightly surreal) unadulterated fun, including a scheduled snack break I headed home tired, uplifted and seriously regretting not investing in that cardboard Jedward quiff... maybe next time.
The Sunshine Underground 2/12/10
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’ll have to be honest. I am not the greatest fan of The Sunshine Underground, having very little knowledge extending past their debut album, Raise The Alarm. However, I haven’t been to a good gig for while now and reliably informed by my friend that I wouldn't be let down, I grudgingly tagged along with her to see the boys from Leeds take to the stage. Trying to squeeze my way through to the front of the jammed crowd was not one of my finest ideas as I ended up crushed right up against one of the giant amps but despite the relentless ringing that my ears had to endure they were in store for a very special treat. The band took to the stage and the atmosphere in the venue suddenly became electric and the rapport between lead singer, Craig Wellington, and the buzzing crowd was instantly apparent. After a little chit chat with us and a few screams from drummer, Matthew Gwilt, the band explode into their indie-funk sound which got us all dancing and bopping away and within a minutes of the set I could feel the tickles of sweat make their way down my forehead informing me that this was going to be a top gig. I was actually very surprised and delighted to hear how heavy on the guitar the band is live in comparison to their recorded albums and then they continued to keep me guessing with their live rendition of their classic ‘Borders’. Dedicated to a girl whose name was mumbled, and therefore it was instantly declared by the girl next to me to be dedicated just for her, it started with slow melodic rift with just Craig playing
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getting the crowd bellowing the lyrics out loud. Then breaking into the penultimate chorus, the song picked up its tempo with the rest of the band joining in at which point I feared for the structural integrity of the roof because the crowd were jumping so high. The Sunshine Underground gave me the perfect pre-Christmas present with a cracker of a gig which after being told how wonderful they were; left the crowd in high elf-esteem.
CHRIS CRADDOCK
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he atmosphere that greets Mystery Jets is understandably electric. This is a group that is renowned for full throttle live shows and have just released Serotonin, widely hailed as their best album, packed full of glistening pop gems. Fibbers fills up quickly, crammed with pallid indie types and the anticipation is palpable. When the group hit the stage they show no signs of disappointing, launching straight into ‘Alice Springs’ that immediately engages an admittedly compliant crowd. The band look exactly as expected, skinny, pale and shaggy haired, with front man Blaine Harrison perched on a stool and wrapped around the microphone like a gangly ginger spider. Between song banter is scarce as they launch straight into a dazzling role call of infectious sing-along. The new material goes down surprisingly well. Title track 'Serotonin' wins over any fair-weather fans who haven’t yet bought the new album (or spotifyied it) with its unstop-
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pable chorus that makes a mood enhancing endorphin sound like a hot girls name, whilst 'Flash a Hungry Smile' and single 'Show Me the Light' get similarly warm reactions. Support Act Count and Sinden prove to be worth their salt when they are invited onstage for dance collaboration 'After Dark', in which Guitarist, William Rees, firmly reasserts his position as joint front man. However, it is the standouts from previous albums that really hit the spot. 'Girl Next Door' and 'Young Love' (minus Laura Marling) are both brilliantly energetic with bassist, Kai Fish, and guitarist, William Rhys, reaching into the enamoured crowd. The only problem is that it is all way too short lived. The set is sustained for seven or eight strong songs (finishing with a lovely, unexpectedly downbeat ‘Flakes’) but is over way too soon and demands for an encore soon proved to be wasted as the roadies immediately get to work on the stage. It’s all a little unsatisfying, even disappointing and, although it is followed by a DJ set from Count and Sinden, the night quickly begins to wind down. It’s all a bit of a shame, putting a damper on what could have been an excellent evening.
RACHEL PRONGER
Frightened Rabbit The Cockpit, Leeds
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rightened Rabbit are undeniably Britain’s most underrated band. Despite having two critically acclaimed albums, energetic and crowd pleasing live shows and a knack for writing witty but often oddly moving lyrics, mass success has still somehow eluded them. This gig proved yet another illustration why this should not be the case. The Cockpit was packed with people wrapped in thick coats and scarves, huddled together for heat against the cold outside, like a beer infused March of the Penguins, but after a stellar set from supports Sky Larkin, the Frightened Rabbit emerged to blow away the last of the cold. Coming at the end of the band’s tour in support of their third album Winter of Mixed Drinks the gig included all highlights of their latest album, such as the folky ‘Swim’ and the buoyant
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29/11/10 ‘Nothing Like You’ but it was still the crowd-pleasing hits of ‘Midnight Organ Fight’ that truly shone. Fans danced enthusiastically to the song ‘Old Fashioned’ which seemed a perfect remedy to a snowy winter day whilst closing song ‘Keep Yourself Warm’ sparked with energy. Speaking between songs lead singer Scott Hutchinson drifted between being hilarious and touching particularly in explaining the inspiration behind the song ‘I Feel Better’ in his attempt to win his ex back by flying to New York armed with an Ikea toy snake. The same emotion could be heard in the band’s set itself, especially a haunting acoustic rendition of ‘Poke’ where Hutchinson played alone at the front of the stage without a microphone and the audience sang along. From anthemic to intimate, roaring distorted guitar to bouncing folk riffs, Frightened Rabbit genuinely prove themselves to be a band that just keeps giving and if their reception in Leeds is anything to go by, one who are on their way to earning the larger fanbase they deserve.
CHRIS HOGG
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KEITH LEMON JAIME RILEY gets fruity with Leeds' finest funnyman..
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t’s 2pm on a hazy October afternoon, I sit gazing at my Mac after a morning of productivity. After growing tired of willing my News Feed to do something exciting, I skip over to Twitter to top up my knowledge of all-things-celebrity and share my woes with my adoring fans across the twittersphere (ha). One such celeb who happens to be updating his fans on his busy life is Leeds-born comedian, Leigh Francis. Most famous for his role as the much loved (and much hated) celebrity stalker Avid Merrion, Francis has now focused his comedy on another of his alter-egos: Keith Lemon, recurring Bo! Selecta character and presenter of ITV2’s Celebrity Juice. I tweet a few messages to 'Mr Lemon', and a mere five minutes later I’m startled to read: “yeah I can do an interview no probs @Jaime_Riley, Facebook me” at the top of my twitter feed. And so, my Wednesday afternoon took a rather unusual turn, as I set to work as any writer would in this modern age of social networking – by trawling through the hundreds of “LOL Keith Lemon is aMaZiNg” fan pages
in search of the real deal. A few messages and an explanation of his promotional tour around London later, my questions have been answered; simply the 'zest' end to my distinctly average day... Vision: Hi, Keith. I hear you’re set to record a Christmas single with Paloma Faith – what’s that all about and what are you going to sing? Keith: It’s not happening. We were just chatting about it on that tweetery fing. Paloma is too busy finishing her next album, and I'm busy with me film and me work out DVD which came out on November 22. We might do a Christmas song together next year, though. What’s your film going to be about? It’s an origin story sort of thing. Fink we go into production in January. Could you tell us a bit about Keith Lemon’s Fit DVD? It’s the first ever fitness DVD for a man or a woman that isn't actually a fitness DVD. So do you enjoy working out? I don't normally work out, can’t you tell? But when I was asked to do a work out DVD with Deanne B e r r y from the Eric Prydz video for the song ‘Call on Me’, how could I refuse? She's bang tidy! Do you play any sport, then? My favourite sport is Swing Ball. I’ll take that as a no.. Moving on.. Who’s been your favour-
"That’s me, Keith Lemon. Strawberry blonde hair, handsome, tash. F.A.F: Fit as f@*k!" ite guest on Celebrity Juice? I love having Verne Troyer on. We have a right laugh together. He's a great sport. Basically, anyone I know in real life is good when they come on. It’s just like having ya mates over for a laugh. It’s a lot of fun! Fearne Cotton is a regular Celebrity Juicester. How do you feel about her recent engagement? I'm really happy for her, she's a lovely lass. We get on really well off screen - I'm only winding her up on Juice! You like to call Fearne’s bezza Holly Willoughby, Holly Willabooby – has her producer husband ever cottoned onto that? Of course he's cottoned on, ya ding bat! He's there when we shoot it. He don't mind. I only speak the truth, she has boobs! And lots of them. You work with Holly on This Morning, too as an agony aunt – how are you finding that, and what’s the trickiest or funniest problem you’ve had to deal with? I'm loving it! I like watching the fear in Philip’s eyes as he thinks I'm gonna say something I shouldn't. But I'm very professional. It’s nice that people fink I can help them out. None of them have been too tricky really. I know a lot of fings.. So I’ve heard, Keith – you even won the Businessman of the Year Award 1993. What’s your greatest business accomplishment to date? The business that’s still running now - Securipole. It’s running itself really, with the help of our Gary (me cousin) whilst I'm busy doing show business. We've just left the month of Movem-
ber - can you tell us a bit about the Tacheback campaign? The Tacheback campaign was something I did last year - it was for bollock cancer. To raise awareness. I mean. What’s your preferred style of facial hair? My preferred style of facial hair has gotta be the tash of course – that’s why I have one, innit. Ladies just love the feel of it. I’ve read that you enjoy a good meal, Keith. What’s your favourite food? Jacket potato with cheese and coleslaw, oh yes. Classy! You’re a Northern lad - what's the best thing about being from the North? I don't know really. I love all of the North but there’s nowt bad about the South either. It just means you live far away from ya mam. What’s the best thing about Leeds, then? Me mam’s Sunday Roast! Who’s your favourite Celebrity Juice presenter? Me, of course! Who’s your idol in the world of business? Me again. I’m an award winning entrepreneur. I think I can guess the answer to this one then - who's your favourite comedian? Eamonn Holmes. Describe yourself in five words? Keith Lemon. Strawberry blonde hair, handsome, tash, F.A.F: Fit as f@*k!
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Forget White Christmas, It’s A Wonderful Life - here are 5 fantastic winter films which will put the spark back into your Christmas cracker! 1. The Thing (1982) If this film was not one of the scariest you will ever see, its snowy setting would be perfect for some tipsy Xmasday viewing. But hey, it may just work! Tuck into a mince pie and enjoy the horrors of a body-inhabiting monster wrecking havoc on a load of scientists in the Antarctic. Some classic scenes in this. Just don’t watch it with your dog. 2. Groundhog Day (1993) This hilarious and heartwarming story of Scroogey weatherman Phil Connors getting stuck in time is easily more entertaining than the Queen’s Speech. Nobody beats Bill Murray’s dry wit, and it has just the right amount of festive cheer. Plus it shows you that when you get stuck in one day, you can become a piano-playing, French-speaking, first aid-performing ice sculptor. 3. Misery (1990) Forced off the road by a blizzard in the middle of nowhere, author Paul Sheldon is rescued by his number one fan. However, after taking him in as her patient, Nurse Annie Wilkes becomes the bookworm from hell. This is a brilliantly tense film, and Kathy Bates won an Oscar for her role. I defy you not to dive behind the sofa when watching this, as my Grandad did last Christmas. 4. The Shining (1980) Look after the world’s weirdest hotel through the winter? Oh, go on then. Stanley Kubrick’s masterful vision of The Overlook Hotel is the perfect creepy Christmas treat. Look out for Jack Nicholson’s wonderfully hammy acting and a snowy maze not unlike the hedges at the Quiet Place on main campus! 5. Gremlins (1984) Remember getting a Furby for Christmas? Cute, cuddly, but irritating beyond comprehension? Well this film started it all. One young man’s Christmas is thrown into chaos when his weird pet takes a sinister turn. Cue the destruction of his house and other mad capers. Top marks for inventive use of a stair lift.
e h t n i a d n a propag matinee
for fascists, right? Not so... Cinematic agitprop is just ough the unholy alliance David Elliott walks you thr m, Nietzchean Uberhorses between Western imperialis and Orange Wednesdays
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t's a familiar story: trouorization and propagandizbled horse meets troubled ing? Does our only hope lie horse trainer, troubled in dodgy turds like Hot Shots horse wins important race, Part Deux and Tropic Thuninspirational tale of now-notder? so-troubled horse gets spun The questions don't stop into a family-friendly 'you with war movies. Is Shekhar can do it if you wish-upon-aKapur's Elizabeth: The Goldstar-it' flick, naturally enough en Age, as the National Cathohijacked by neo-fascist Goeblic Register claimed, "an orgy belites to propagate their own of anti-Catholicism"? (it's twisted racial theory. Thounot, it's just chronically melosands of impressionable young dramatic and really, really children are consequently boring). Is David Lean's Docsucked into resulting xenotor Zhivago merely a threephobic black hole (all they hour paen to the persistence ever wanted was for their of humanity and overacting workaholic dad to spend in the face of the Red mensome time with them!). Yeah, ace? Maybe the answers don't How cute... but is this prize-winning horse's a real tale as old as time. matter so long as the viewer is Or at least, it is to slate.com aware that filmmaker's agenfavourite snack your child's innocence? reviewer Andrew O'Hehir, das aren't always as pure as who recently labeled Secrethey make out. Or maybe we to see Fahrenheit 9/11, however, recogtariat, the true story of the 1973 Tri- nised it as the hyperbolizing crock of shit should give up, recognise that all of Holple Crown winner, "a work of creepy, that it was: faux-radical film-school cru- lywood's children are products of an inhalf-hilarious master-race propaganda sading with pretensions to blockbuster stitutionalized consumerist-imperialistalmost worthy of Leni Riefenstahl." That success - not the sort of movie we're talk- Schwarzeneggerist culture and spend the would be the same Leni Reifenstahl who ing about here. Perhaps a more suitable rest of our days watching phallic French directed the Nazi-fellating Triumph example would be Transformers. arthouse. of the Will in 1934, right Mr. O'Hehir? Michael Bay's robo-orgy at some Right. He goes on to describe how Secre- points almost approaches computer FXtariat valorizes American values at the porn (witness especially the moment in expense of servile blacks and Mexicans, number 2 when we get to see one bot's and triumphantly shows how "all right- cojones), but to add realism (like it was thinking Americans are united in their needed, duh), the United States Military adoration of a Nietzschean Uberhorse, a helpfully lent the production crew real hero so superhuman he isn't human at tanks, guns and other assorted awwwweall." some machinery. Unfortunately, the loan Sounds ridiculous - and right came with strings attached. The Army's enough, O'Hehir has since responded proviso was that military personnel had to virulent criticism from the illustrious to be portrayed in a positive light - easily Roger Ebert by claiming that it was all and innocently enough done when sola bit of a josh. But perhaps O'Hehir is diers were shown fighting 3D toys. But raising an issue that shouldn't be dis- when you consider the fact that on the missed so casually. Has propaganda in day Transformers, a film clearly targeted film, for so long associated with lessons at kids, was released, 24 civilians died as a on German Jew-bashing and Sergei result of military engagement in Iraq (acEisenstein's celebrated Battleship Po- cording to the WikiLeaks War Logs), the temkin, evolved into something more incident becomes a bit more sinister. subtle and, consequently, menacing? Similarly, The Hurt Locker came unIs the propagandist wolf now lurking der fire from liberal rag The American in our mainstream cinemas, in sheep's Prospect in July last year, who called it clothing? "a remarkably effective recruiting tool" In 2004, Michael Moore's controver- that provoked in the viewer "empathy for sial Fahrenheit 9/11 was met with howls the soldiers when they shoot." The same of protests from the Polish press. One movie was in other quarters hailed for its Does Hollywood find your lack critic denounced it as a "foul pamphlet", honest depiction of the pity of war, and and more overtly as "aggressive propa- of course went on to win six Oscars. What of faith disturbing? ganda." Furthermore, Leni Riefenstahl gives? Can a depiction of war (especially was again used as a touchstone. Pretty one as current as the Iraq conflict) ever much everyone who had the misfortune shake itself free of accusations of glam-
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t the risk of sounding self-indulgent, a few words about me before we begin: I’ve seen all three Ong Baks, I (feign to) enjoy foreign cinema and, worst of all, I’ve recently picked up an annoying pretension to film criticism. So maybe, just maybe, I’m not Tangled’s target demographic. Disney’s 50th animated feature, based on the story of Rapunzel, should by all rights give me a coronary (princesses, anthropomorphized animals and musical numbers a go-go)… but it doesn’t. Moreover, it’s genuinely funny and touching and heartwarming and and AND I’m going to stop gushing before my credibility goes completely out the window. The plot should be familiar to anyone who’s even had a semblance of a childhood, though it’s naturally been Disneyfied (which in the context of the film is largely irrelevant). All-American darlings Mandy Moore (Saved) and Zachary Levi (American telly’s Chuck) fill out the respective roles of Rapunzel and her beau cherie Flynn Rider admirably - Levi in particular plays the roguish Rider, an updated Aladdin for the CGI generation, to perfection. The script is taut and refreshingly free of pop culture nods, though there’s an occasional (and welcome) edge to it usually absent in Disney animations. In fact, it’s against other Disney flicks that Tangled should ultimately be judged, especially given the golden milestone it represents. Aladdin is probably the most obvious touchstone, and Tangled suffers slightly as a result of the comparison. The songs aren’t as immediately memorable, and while grumpy chameleon Pascal and psychotic stallion Maximus get their share of laughs, they can’t hold a candle to Robin Williams’ Genie. Even so, the film is often visually stunning and, despite a few animation boo-boos, moves beyond recent CGI pictures by incorporating a gorgeous painterly style. I didn’t initially give Tangled much of a chance, but in the end its effectively simple message and essential character made me feel a bit of a pretentious nob. Not a masterpiece, maybe - certainly masterly.
owboys vs. Ninjas. On paper The Warrior's Way reads like something written in crayon signed Fred aged 6. On screen it’s the brainchild of Korean writer and director Sngmoo Lee which somehow manages to combine the clichés of Spaghetti Westerns and Samurai film with obvious green screen backgrounds and repetitive bouts of slow motion swordplay. The story tells of master assassin Yan who, upon refusing to kill the last of his opposing clan, an undeniably adorable baby, is hunted down by a group of fellow assassins somewhat jazzily known as the Sad Flutes. Yan flees to a lonely circus town in Wild West America where he meets knife thrower Lynne (Kate Bosworth) who has her own score to settle with local villain The Colonel (Danny Huston). What ensues is a film that lingers far too much on the relationship between Yan and Lynne which is massively devoid of chemistry. Director Lee desperately tries to build intensity between the two through sexy sword sparring and wooden one-liners from lead Dong-gun. Other actors, Huston and Geoffrey Rush, charmingly cast as the town drunk, try their hardest but struggle to overcome the fact that their characters are just Western film stereotypes. The fight scenes are big examples of style over substance, and by ‘style’ I mean: ninjas appear from literally anywhere, proceed to leap into the air, strike with slow mo sword attacks before being quickly dispensed. The concept of the two different sets of characters fighting in an old Western ghost town is fun for about 20 minutes, but the novelty soon wears off and instead I put my efforts towards rummaging to the bottom of my popcorn to check for ninjas.
David Elliott
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hat’s the point of being bad if there’s no good to stop you?’ asks Megamind, Will Ferrell’s eponymous super villain. This comes around the middle of Dreamwork’s latest, where the film still sparkles with the promise of something fresh and original. Unfortunately, the end is far from super. Welcome to Metro City, a take on Superman’s Metropolis, complete with Lois Lane impersonator, Roxanne Ritchi (voiced by Tina Fey). Roxanne has the proud honour of being Megamind’s frequent kidnapee, every time expecting Metro Man (Brad Pitt) to come to her rescue. However, in the film’s opening sequence, Megamind uses her to lure Metro Man into a trap and the impossible happens: the hero dies. Or does he? In any case, the super ‘villain’ is left without a hero to combat, so he sets about finding a new adversary. This part of the film is the most philosophical - can evil exist without good? - which, I’ll admit, probably isn’t what the four yearolds are after. The voice acting in ‘Megamind’ is mostly superb. David Cross (Tobias from Arrested Development) is hilarious as the aptly named Minion. Brad
Pitt feels underused, but Ferrell and Fey have great comedic timing which owes itself to their work on Saturday Night Live. The jokes are (mostly) pretty funny and the visuals get the job done. So why doesn’t Megamind work? Well, the formula is depressingly simple in the end: it all boils down to the love of a woman. And then the bad guys turn good, the good guys end up together, and anyone foolish enough to stay on the Death Star earns their comeuppance. Megamind is full of jokes which tug at the hems of the superhero genre, but Pixar’s The Incredibles did that in 2004. When it comes to the modern fairytale, Dreamworks will never outshine Pixar and it needs to learn to move in a different direction. There are moments in Megamind where it feels like it might soar outside the cliché - the bad guy might get the girl, the good guy might be a loser - but sadly it falls (without style) back to earth. One for the kids.
Tom Martin
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m lu p t es d d sa e th ke li el fe u yo Have the Winter Blues made LA CHAPMAN explains why O in the box? Well fret not, NIC ld give you new hope in life... ou the people on your screen sh
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come out in roses at the end of it, then we all can. It was nice to follow our Nat around as she bought things for the baby, and going back to the Isle of Wight Festival where she met the old ball and chain. Oh but there was drama, he got drunk… on CIDER (stone the crows) and couldn’t find the Winnebago. He better not be like that when the baby comes, for goodness sake. We also got to see Natalie go on her last girls' holiday before she pops, and I too felt her pain of not being able to eat shellfish in that nice Thai restaurant. Nibble on the bread Nat, get your fill that way. Hmm, maybe you can’t have it all. Get pregnant, say goodbye to scallops. It’s a price one must obviously pay. Another programme I have frequented is The World’s Strictest Parents (BBC3, naturally). Now I don’t want to get on my high horse or anything (I’d like to think at 21 I’m still youthful, but not as much as once was) but the kids that appear on this are the worst example of British teens EVER. It is mortifying to think that the nice families of Europe/ North America/India think that all Brits are disrespectful toe-rags with hideous piercings and questionable tattoos. We don’t all have inked ‘Charmelle 4eva’ on our wrists, for goodness' sake. One of the worst parts is seeing the ‘rebellious teens’ get their swag on walking into a classroom to talk about their lifestyle compared to the youth of that country. Take for example last Monday’s episode, where the teens were sent to Denmark. Within ten minutes they had already made the parents’ daughter cry, having doused each other in her expensive night creams. My self and my housemates sat there in genuine horror, thanking God that our parents had never sent us away because of our attitudes. One of the best programmes on the box to watch if you're having a sad plum day is Embarrassing Bodies (C4). What goes through the minds of the patients I do not know. Maybe they think that being
suppose I should start this column with an admission. I only watch TV at university. This may in part or exclusively be due to the fact that I don’t actually have a TV at home. Whenever I moved out for first-year, my parents purged themselves of me; as well as trashing the TV, they turned my bedroom into a Dad’s Room (God knows what actually goes on in there) and were about one misjudged crap away from summarily executing my dog, who I’ll admit is a bit of an annoying shit. So, as I usually fly back to the Gaelic hinterland for Christmas, my experience of festive TV has been a bit limited. Maybe I’m massively missing out. Or maybe this qualifies me as a uniquely-placed outsider (I may have made this point in the past). But regardless, the upshot of all this is that seasonal TV norms don’t seem to have an effect on me. Advertisements that leave my housemates damp with base pleasure invariably fail to arouse me. Case in point: the Coca-Cola ads, which apparently send everyone else into paroxysms of spastic childhood ecstasy, cause me only to wonder why draught Pepsi tastes better than bottled. The same is true re: mainstays of the Yuletide programming schedule. No-one really enjoys the inane natter of our beloved, desiccated Queenie (I’m talking of course about the Queen’s Speech, which must surely attract lower ratings than BBC2’s dire Miranda), but devotion to the similarly vacant Doctor Who Christmas Special appears at times to approach that of a rabid Kabbalist cult. It’s utterly, utterly inexplicable. Christmas is camp enough without having to put up with the sight of a dandy in a truly awful suit be molested awkwardly by quadriplegic trashcans. Of course, if BBC isn’t your bag, this year you’ve got ITV showing the Quantum of Solace, which an online fan (ITV has fans, LOADS OF THEM) assures me “is the first Bond premiered on Christmas Day in over a decade!” Sweet. You can catch me in the Dad’s Room, thanks, doing whatever Dads do in Dad’s Rooms, and sobbing quietly in memory of term-time student TV. Come back to me, A Place in the Sun, all is forgiven.
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here comes a time in a student’s life when you switch on your telly hoping to see a picture of a life worse than yours. You sit down on your unnaturally springy sofa, open beans can in hand, and press the button that will transport you into the life of a regular scally (Jeremy Kyle), a hapless celeb (Kerry Katona – Coming Clean) or a teenager you just want to beat round the face with your copy of the Iliad (World’s Strictest Parents). So here at TeleVISION we bring you a run-down of the best programmes to watch if you need a reminder that life could always be that little bit worse, or, in other words, if Natalie Cassidy can "have it all", then so can you my friend. We’ll start off with the nation’s favourite Jeremy Kyle (ITV1). A national treasure of epic proportions, Jeremy Kyle is the beacon of all things bloody crazy with this country. He’s only ever been assaulted with an envelope, not a punch, which I can only call a miracle. The main message Jezza likes to spread is that there is nothing more important than “PUTTING SOMETHING ON THE END OF IT”. As the years pass the tag lines get more and more crazy. Such as “After 47 DNA tests, is this man my Baby Daddy?” or “Lose weight or I’ll leave you…even though I look a fecking state myself ”. A real cockle-of-the-heart warmer. You can’t beat those lie detector results either. “I’m 100% not a liar Jeremy, I did not cheat with my ex in the club last month”… "The lie detector results show that (insert odd name here)…was lying”. You can’t pay for that kind of entertainment, well you can I suppose, with your dignity. Watching Natalie Cassidy: Becoming Mum (E4) has given me new hope that I’ll too have it all: a good job, wealthy lifestyle and a husband who is not at all a total prat. If the girl who played the trumpet-wielding Sonia in Eastenders can
nationally humiliated will make their situation better. I've seen all sorts. A girl with a club foot thanks to a hideous case of verrucas and a woman who was basically pushing her own bladder through her arse hole, I mean the list is endless. The greatest TV to watch if you need any reassurance that you aren't leading the saddest of lives is that of Bid TV (obviously). I hold my hands up and say that yes, I have watched two hours straight of the channel, but I profess it was in the name of research. But that is a lie. I watched it instead of going out, so I was in a particularly foul mood. Which was incidentally lifted when witnessing the ferrety little salesman sweating away trying to sell a £270 Rocking Horse in the dead of night. Things were so bad he had to ask one of the runners to come and ride it (add sickening innuendos here). Another bargain was a table that could ADJUST 18 DIFFERENT WAYS! How, I hear you cry?! By sliding up six levels, and sliding back three. Out. Of. This. World. However you can't help but be pulled into it all. If it isn't the blinding silver suit Terry the presenter is wearing it's the music. The DUN-DUN-DUH sound when the price drops AGAIN. But my tip for a pick me up: look at the names that are bidding. Alan, Frank, Edna, Beryl. They're all sitting there with their umbrella hats on, spraying themselves with 'D'or' and 'Eau de Bullshit' whilst riding a Rocking Horse that they have no memory of buying. It's a sorry thing to think, but also one that I will treasure. Just don't bid for a deluxe Henry VIII figurine just yet because when you do, you're no better than Terry himself. But if it's good enough for Terry (who, quite frankly, must have a garage full of crap if his stories are to be believed) then it's good enough for you. So don't fret, there's life in the old dog yet.
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David Elliott
Remotes at the ready - My tv picks for the week
r Best of iPlaye
rd's Russell Howas Good New
I bloody love this man. I was dubious at first, thinking he may have peeked on Mock The Week, but his observations on the world are second to none. Get on it. Thursday, 10.30pm, BBC3
Watch this week
Coronation Street
It's Corrie's 50th Anniversary, and to celebrate, four characters are meeting their (ITV) makers! This week's episodes are sure to be corkers, so don't miss out. All I can say is: I won't be that sad if Rosie or Emily snuffs it. Sozza.
All week, ITV1, 7.30pm
TV mystery of the week...
After Gillian McKeith's "pregnancy" outburst, you have to wonder: WHAT SICK BUGGER DID IT?
Most nights, ITV1, 9pm(ish)
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Reach For the Stars Tonight Sonic Colours (Wii)
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A video game hero loved and hated in equal measures, NATHAN BLADES plays Sonic Team's latest creation - does it leave him tickled pink or feeling blue?
he modern gaming era has not been kind to Sonic. Depending on whom you ask, some will say the day the blue hedgehog appeared in 3D was the day the Sonic franchise died. Though you could argue that Sonic in his Sega Genesis days was far from perfect (but offered a certain polish the later games lacked); recent games have undeniably been dancing around a general theme of "enjoyable, but mediocre". So when Sonic Team's newest project Sonic Colours was announced at last year's E3 - the responses of Sonic fans and regular gaming enthusiasts alike were just that little bit tepid. Previous Sonic games had generated a large amount of hype in the developmental stages; often claming to recapture some of that elusive game design magic the Genesis games were said to have; but upon release smacked of disappointment and missed opportunities. This happened with such regularity that the process was dubbed by fans as "The Sonic Cycle". Now that Sonic Colours has been released into our anticipating - yet
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wary - midst; I can say with relief that it's finally a solidly-made and fun to play Sonic game. Which doesn't sound like overwhelming praise; but it's definitely a good step in the right direction. This time around Sonic has gatecrashed a gigantic outer-space theme park; created by evil genius Dr. Eggman. Refusing to believe that his long-time rival has actually turned over a new leaf; he finds out that among the rollercoasters and ferris wheels is a plot to capture alien life-forms called Wisps - who hold the secret to an incredible power source. As cheesy as the plot is; it results in a game that relishes in not taking itself seriously. The planets the theme park's made up of are vibrant and expansive (an aesthetic lovingly lifted from the Mario Galaxy games); and utterly breathtaking to dash about in. There's nothing like tearing around Sweet Mountain - a planet made entirely of cake, gingerbread, and oversized doughnuts - while the jazzy, upbeat soundtrack accopanies. When it comes down to gameplay ideas, Colours has that covered too. Stages frequently switch between speedy into-the-screen dashing and slower, more methodical side-scrolling. Some levels
require more planning and forethought to complete in one piece; not to mention a decent score. The Wisps also add to how the game handles; certain colours of Wisps transform Sonic to allow him shortcuts. The Cyan Laser ricochets off enemies and through wires; the Yellow Drill plows through soft ground and underwater; the Green Hover serenely drifts you to high-up areas; with more powers besides. It's a great system - experimenting with your Wisps rewards you with collectables and adds longevity to the game; as does the intentionally retro CoOp mode, complete with chiptune music remixes of the soundtrack. As for downsides, Sonic's floaty physics can make him hard to control initially, until you get the hang of things. The game's intentionally childish nature make some cutscenes overly camp. Many deaths can occur from an awkward jump, or a Wisp power not working as intended; which can be frustrating. But persevere Sonic Colours is well worth your time. The Sonic Cycle has been broken.
The Retro Bit: Tekken 2 (PSX)
n a new generation of consoles, motion control and high definition graphics, it’s all too easy to become engrossed in the modern gaming era and forget its beautiful roots. Though the power of the PS3 and the elegance of the 360 provide platforms of detail never before seen in computer gaming, it doesn’t hurt to gaze back through rose-tinted specs at the games that once dominated the gaming world. I can’t help but feel the newest gamers will be playing these new generation games, with little thought for the preceeding history, probably in the same way gamers before us felt we missed out on the Atari. However, Atari to me is merely the prototype, whereas I grew up in the golden age of gaming, epitomised by Namco’s 1996 fighting arcade game Tekken 2. The original Tekken was a good game, setting the stage for the series. Hit the necessary buttons and unleash hell. Tekken 2 however, is on a whole new level. Before it, gamers battled away, intent only on bragging rights with no flair or character depth. Tekken 2 brought in the emotion, the passion, the elegance of character - the desire to be ‘King of the Iron Fist Tournament’. Individuals with different stories, lives, and experiences, summed up in a brilliant intro sequence. An enchanting soundtrack fits perfectly with a montage of the characters. As a kid growing up, this game was the most addictive thing since the dib-dab, a masterful work of a fighting game that made the Playstation come to life.
Based on the Arcade version, the simple one-on-one game play often lacked balance, particularly if a player had picked either the Devil or Angel. These characters looked great and offered something different to the other fighters on offer, however their laser-based special moves shattered any difficulty. Once downed by these attacks it became near impossible to recover, especially if you're playing a slow character, like Heihatchi. The Devil and Angel were powerful; but guaranteed to lose you friends. Many players succumbed to the temptation of the age old sin of ‘button bashing’ yet if a player took the time to learn some moves, serious pain could be unleashed. After a few mishaps and slow starts, learning move sets was easy enough to get the hang of - as long as it involved nothing more than 3 buttons. and even then, became apparent that ‘button bashing’ more often than not, would win you the match. The main Arcade mode offered has you completing a number of fights, working up to defeat the boss, Devil, and unlocking a new character as a reward. To my dismay, unlocking characters like giant lizard Alex and Bruce Irvin offered no sense of reward, only annoyance. Nonetheless, bashing a lizard or a panda in the face added to the fun, and as a kid I wanted nothing else. Though Tekken 2’s graphics haven't aged well at all, for its time the backdrops were really something special. The beautifully illustrated scenes of the different
stages added an artistically entrancing feel to the game. Of course the fights were often too intense to notice the backdrop, although you had some time to appreciate it after being KO'd for the n'th time by Devil. Playing Tekken 2 now, I look back with no regrets. Though it could be repetitive, (smoothed out some by the sequels) it never felt entirely monotonous. The outcomes of fights were never certain, right down to the last pixel of health. There's even a survival mode, allowing endless fights against opponents on single life bar, only to be hilariously chopped down by a poke. The game was terrific in its day, voted best Arcade game of 1995 and featured in the top 100 games of all time in 2001. The emotion and non-stop action offered exhilarating game play to the very end, when I tearfully (and regrettably) traded it in for Tekken 3. Though Namco h a v e released many sequels, I still can’t help but revere Tekken 2 as the best of the series. It possessed almost everything I could ask for in a game, it’s just a shame that Paul can’t do me a final favour, and punch the likes of Soul Calibur off the face of the earth. GEORGE LILEY
"I
Nerds only? Not really...
'm such a nerd," he said as we sat in The Courtyard, both of us munching on burgers. "I've spent so much time playing Pokémon HeartGold; my house mates totally don't approve." I blinked in surprise. I wasn't expecting the conversation to turn to video games. Outside of a certain crowd, bringing up gaming often feels like some kind of filthy taboo. "I get what you mean," I replied. "Ever since Fable III was released, I've just burned so much time on it." An awkward pause hung in the air; and a puzzled look crossed his face. "What's 'Fable'?" Maybe I expected too much - even if he did self-profess to be a "nerd"; it's now cool to identify as one - whether it's true or not. I guess we have Scott Pilgrim to thank for that. It sounds incredibly pretentious to assume that only a special few can discuss your hobby; but despite the best interests of many, gaming (as compared to books or movies) is still something of a niche interest. And that's just a little bit unfair. Enthusiasm for a film you've watched or an album you've listened to - even when the listener hasn't - isn't a conversation breaker; but an attempt to discuss a game can often be swatted aside with a "Sorry, I'm not into games," leaving the conversation cold, and the speaker feeling like more than a bit of a loser. It might be something of a pipe dream to picture a world where games are treated socially the same way as any other media (though let's not get into a "are games art?"-type discussion here, they don't end well); but there has to be a solution we can use. Firstly, it's up to us gamers to talk about interesting games. No one is going to care about your World of Warcraft raid, nor know what "Kill:Death Ratio" is. If talking about different games assists in you discovering new genres or old classics - so much the better. Secondly, all you non-gamers out there: please don't run a mile when someone brings up their PS3, or new favouite game. We're sharing it because you might find it interesting! If it's something new to you; take comfort in learning something new about pop culture. Finally, it's down to the game developers and producers to release interesting games to play. Call of Duty: Black Ops is a good game, but it has little in the way of discussion scope for people who haven't played it. Remember when The Sims was a new phenomenon? There was near infinite potential to chat and laugh about the TV Drama-like events that the game offered - and it was so accessible that near everyone played it. So take my advice - be proud of your hobbies and interests, if they're as worthwhile as you feel they are; others will take interest. And please don't feign 'gamer-cred' by calling yourself a nerd. It's a bit embarassing.
Comments? Criticism? Love to hear 'em! Contact us at games@yorkvision.co.uk
NATHAN BLADES
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Want to contribute? Contact us at books@yorkvision.co.uk
Books News...
NO SEX APPEAL
THE LITERARY Review’s 18th annual Bad Sex Award has been awarded to novelist Roman Somerville. With sentences such as "like a lepidopterist mounting a toughskinned insect with a too blunt pin he screwed himself into her", Somerville's second novel The Shape of Her annihilated the competition. Also in the running for the
award was Tony Blair for A Journey and, for the second time, spindoctor cum author Alastair Campbell. Campbell was nominated for his novel Maya. One judge described the sentence “the walls were going to fall down as we stroked and screamed our way through hours of pleasure to the union for which my whole life had been a preparation" as “really bad”.
TEJA PISK investigates the latest scoops from the publishing industry
SNOOKI BOOKI
FOLLOWING THE widespread success of Jersey Shore star Mike 'The Situation’ Sorrentino’s how-to guide, Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting your GTL on the Jersey Shore, his legendary co-star Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi has announced plans to release her own book in the new
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year. A Shore Thing is set to be a novel about a “girl looking for love on the boardwalk” and, according to publishers Simon and Schuster, promises to include “big hair, dark tans and fights galore”. Snooki declared that her book will not be the product of a collaboration. Whether or not she will actually write the book alone, however, remains uncertain. A recent tweet by Snooki exposed the extent of her literary talents: "I have mind blowing news! I am officially reading my first book! Lmao! Nicholas Sparks "dear John!" ... I'm proud of myself," The world waits.
USE ME OR I'LL DIE IN A BID to stop the extinction of some of the more unusual words in the English language, The Oxford Dictionary has launched www.savethewords.org. The site hopes to rescue words that, through lack of usage, are in danger of falling out of the dictionary. With a colourful page of words squeaking "pick me! pick me!" savethewords. org encourages you to adopt a word and promise to slip it into your everyday usage. In case you find yourself at a loss at how to work your word into casual conversation, the site provides helpful ideas such as using your word in a meeting or naming your pet something like ‘venusta-
tion’ or ‘prandicle’. For those truly dedicated to the cause there is even the suggestion of getting a tattoo. So, if you want to obarmate against the hemerine occurrence of mingent.. then get adopting.!
NO SMALL MATTER HOPING TO entice the general reader into the complex world of neuroscience, 27 year old Carl Schoonover has created a glossy art book filled with images of the mind. Portraits of the Mind: Visualising the Brain from Antiquity to the 21st Century contains stun-
ning imagery, from Victorian sketches of neurons to technicolour splashes of 21st century LED screens. A true scientist, for a while Schoonover's wallet held pictures, not of his family or friends, but of attractive neurons.
MARVEL - OUS Tabi Joy investigates the colourful world of comic conventions...
TALK THE TALK T COSPLAY: Literally 'costume play'. Dressing up and pretending to be a fictional character (usually a sci-fi, comic book or anime character). CTHULU: A fictional cosmic entity created by horror author H. P. Lovecraft in his 1926 short story The Call of Cthulu. SILK SPECTRE: One of the six main characters in Alan Moore's critically acclaimed graphic novel Watchmen. MOMIJI DOLL: Cute, collectable Japanesestyle dolls in a variety of designs.
he Thought Bubble Comic Convention is a somewhat often overlooked festival held in Leeds. Now in its third year, the Thought Bubble Festival ties in with the Leeds Sequential Arts Festival, and holds a day-long convention celebrating comics in all their shapes and forms. From big-name graphic artists to webcomic publishers, from cosplayers to comic sellers plugging European translations, Thought Bubble encapsulates the self-sufficient nature of much of the British comic scene. After only an hour of wandering round the stands I had been given free sweets, had my friend's cthulu bobble hat complimented, witnessed Silk Spectre and Darth Vader side by side, bought a poster reminding me to kill my velocity (rather than an innocent sky-kraken), commissioned a sketch of a mole with a cravat and, of course, acquired an immense collection of comics of varying quality. The comics on offer were a tricky minefield to navigate. Often I would
pounce on a glamorous, expensive looking comic, only to discover a vulgar collection of robot sketches within. I later found a genius documentation of an ongoing battle between Sherlock Holmes and the Skeletor hidden between the pages of a thin photocopied volume. There were comics about the melancholy lives of badgers, about the working lives of cows in an office environment, about an artist's father who died while working for the World Food Program (whose work the comic promotes) or about the interaction between strangers. At these kinds of events it's hard not to find something to be fascinated by. While it may be easy to dismiss comics as a niche market, at the convention there truly was something for everyone. You could paint Momiji dolls and attend workshops or even seminars. You would have to be a truly apathetic character to dismiss the sheer vibrancy of the event; every person there was friendly and open, and it was brilliant fun to be able to interact with them. You could find pop-culture
tshirts, both gruesome and adorable, all according to one's personal taste; there were life-drawing classes, and there were opportuAT A COMIC CONVEN nities to have portfolios TION viewed by professionals if that's part of your life's Don’t worry babe ambition. , it won’t be spider webs that The Sequential Art I’ll shoot in Festival as a whole also your eye.. Baby, I think you'r includes a film festival, e made of which of course links in kryptonite, because you're makin g m y knees weak. with utmost relevancy Is that a sonic sc to the comics market rewdriver as so many comics are in your pocket or are you just translated into film. It is excited to see me? You most certain events like Thought Bubly won’t misble that really push the take me for the fastest m an alive. I have to tell you boundaries of comics a secret. I’m and make them accessi- really a mutant that th e ladies ble for a wider audience, call.. the Sexecutione r You can experim and it is so important to ent on me just find interest in blossom- like the Weapon X pr ogram did ing art forms and help on Wolverine. If I were the Rh them to grow. ino, you could hang on to my la rge horn.
HOW TO PULL
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RATED READS
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he publication of Ian Bankes’s first novel, The Wasp Factory, in the mid-80s was met with mixed reviews. Every critic recognised its goriness, but while some saw it as a signifier of a "mighty imagination," others find it too distasteful to be enjoyable; the Sunday Express called it "the lurid literary equivalent of a video nasty." Reading The Wasp Factory as a child of the 90s, however, having been exposed to the goriness of GoldenEye and Grand Theft Auto and every horror movie since, the violence of the novel does not seem at all extraordi-
nary. The plot follows a Scottish teenager who has spent his whole life on an island with a father who never registered his birth and homeschools him. As a result of this unusual upbringing, Frank, the son, is himself extremely strange; when he’s not catapulting hamsters into the sea, or exploding rabbit burrows, or consulting the eponymous Wasp Factory, he’s binge drinking with his only friend, a dwarf from the mainland. As the novel progresses, Frank reveals more about his life: exactly how he killed three children and why it is dangerous that his older brother has escaped from a mental hospital and is making his way home. Easy going it isn’t, but the plot is original, the narrative gripping and the narrator strangely likeable.
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ew novels have ever been written quite like On The Road. Jack Kerouac’s most famous novel, along with the works of Allen Ginsberg, was the inspiration for a generation of Beat poets and hipsters (authentic hipsters, not the rapidly spawning version of hipsters you see nowadays wearing retro Game Boys round their necks and playing ‘80s synth pop). Flagrantly controversial at the time of its publication in 1957, the book remains a eulogy to the American road, jazz, women, and, above all, life itself. The novel follows the adventures of its narrator, the fantastically named Sal Paradise, as he travels across America from coast to coast. Unsure
WILL HAYDON
about his position in the increasingly materialistic society of late 1940s America, Sal takes to the road along with a motley crew of friends and new acquaintances. Early in the book the reader is introduced to Dean Moriarty, a wild, id-driven character who quickly establishes himself as the burning star of the story, a fast-talking anti-hero who serves as the embodiment of all that is good and bad about Beat values. Drawn to Dean, Sal begins to idolise him, and the novel records their journeys through numerous American cities, as the characters drink, listen to jazz and experience existence on the fringes of society. Life on the road is depicted with a mix of beauty and elegiac sadness, as hardships increase, friendships dour and cynicism creeps into view. Kerouac’s novel is a visceral ode to the extremities of life, with all the suffering and joy it involves. More than fifty years since its publication, the book still holds the ability to inspire today.
D
ivided into five chapters that are like self-contained stories within themselves, Cynthia Ozick's The Puttermesser Papers follow the life of Ruth Puttermesser from middle age as she awaits a paradise wherein all of her hopes can be fulfilled. The novel swiftly draws the reader in as Puttermesser runs for the mayorship of New York, builds a golem, embarks on a love affair and meets a cousin from
TABI JOY
JOSH MANGHAM
To Georg e Orwell
BOOK SHELF PORN!
THE BLUFFER'S GUIDE GEORGE OSBORNE gives you the lowdown on George Orwell...
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here is something distinctive, and tiny, but nonetheless unique that the majority of authors from the age of modernity did not possess. James Joyce grasped at it. Graham Green touched it. But George Orwell possessed it in abundance. As important as they were, and as beautiful as the quality of their writing was, Eliot, Woolf, Pound and so forth all lacked Orwell’s spark. Of course, Orwell lacked their beauty, craftsmanship and the academic prowess they now command, but his natural talent to surprise and shock, whilst at the same time drawing the reader close, demonstrates his ability and creativity. Perhaps the best way to de- "In scribe his gift is from a recollection of his childhood friend Jacintha Buddicom, who first met an eleven-year-old Orwell stood on his head in his garden. When questioned by Buddicom about his reasons for doing so, Orwell simply replied: "you are noticed more if you stand on your head than if you are
the right way up." Orwell lead a varied life, and this is reflected in his work; from describing the harrowing experience of shooting an elephant (in an essay of the same name) during his time in the Indian Imperial Police,
a time of deceit telling the truth revolutionary act" through to his creation of the fascist pig, Napoleon, in Animal Farm (based on his experiences reporting pre-World War II Stalinist Russia) Orwell’s writing was never far from his life. Aside from his novels and es-
says, Orwell was a fierce literary critic. He was a blunt, direct but intelligent man, and never shied away from correcting those who he thought were wrong. Famously, he took issue with WH Auden over the original draft for his poem Spain 1937, telling Auden in no uncertain terms that his use of the phrase “necessary murder” was weak, and “Could only be written by a person to whom murder is at most, a word.” Both men had gone to serve in the Spanish Civil War, though only Orwell had stuck it out. Auden subsequently changed the line to “the fact of murder.” Of course Orwell is best known for his bleak vision of a dystopian human future; 1984. Its dark themes of oligarchy, personal alienation and subversive ambition have endured is a the first test of time, and its undeterred presence in the secondary school curriculum means they look set to ensure the second. Today, in the world of Facebook, Twitter, and CCTV at every turn, Orwell has proved that even 60 years after his death, he is still one of the nations most important writers.
Moscow. This is not a novel that aimlessly pursues one woman's faded ambition and meandering experience, but instead plays with surrealism in the form of imaginary conversations. While this is certainly not a book for those who dislike introspection or flights of (somewhat morbid) fantasy, The Puttermesser Papers is a tremendously rewarding read and you can feel genuinely fond of the odd characters and the trials they face. But in return you must be prepared to deal with uncertain emotions and curious settings, and you must deal with the tragic events of Puttermesser's life as she experiences them. For it is difficult not to care a little for a character first encountered eating fudge and reading Hebrew in bed.
http://bookshelfporn.com
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f you're ever in the mood for a coffee in an Alice in Wonderland-esque setting (and happen to be in New York), check out Manhatten based coffee shop D'Espresso, where books cover the floor, wall and ceiling.
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All I want for Christmas is you... and this... and that...
Vision gives you some excellent alternatives to chain store shopping
S
o the season is upon us; religious or not, one cannot help but notice the immense surge of Christmas related fun popping up around and about this time of year! However, do you want something different to give your family this year? Tired of cards from Smiths or Paperchase? Don’t want to get your mum ANOTHER Lush gift set? Fear not, we have been hunting around for some different ways to spend this advent, whilst getting your shopping done at the same time! In and around York there are a variety of day and weekend markets in the lead up to Christmas, with Castle Howard’s Christmas Craft and Produce Market on the 7th, 8th and 14th December, Space 109 's Christmas Craft Fair can be found on Walmgate on the 11th, as well as the Festive Farmers Market in town on the 21st December, so you can buy all your Christmas dinner food in time for the big day! However if you fancy a slightly bigger Christmas market why not try Manchester Christmas Market. This market is absolutely huge and spreads over all over the city centre, selling not only beautifully crafted gifts but also mulled wine, roasted chestnuts, sweets and strudel! It can be split down into eight different sections, including a German Christmas Market, Crafts and Gifts, European Style Market and World Christmas Market to name a few! Always busy with a
buzzing atmosphere this market is a great trip out, and is not limited with gifts just for the cat lovers but also with a giant Santa looking over you as you shop, is well the cats themselves. If you feel your feline gets left out worth the trip! It’s only a £15 return to Manchester with at Christmas this is the shop to go to, where else can a young person’s railcard, so you might as well make a you get DVDs for your cat's amusement or fantasy fishtrip of it! Head to the Trafford Centre in the day, then bowls? We think its purr-fect... wonder around the market and admire the Christmas And when shopping has become too much and you lights in the evening whilst enjoying some warming want to relax, why not go to the Festival of Angels on food and wine! Saturday 11th December, when it runs from 11:00am If Manchester is just a little too far for you why not to 18:00pm on Sunday 12th December from 11:00am to try the Leeds Christkindelmarket; a traditional Ger17:00pm. The celebration, held throughout the city ,inman Christmas Market which has been a long standing volves impressive ice sculptures and stalls as well as attraction of Leeds, and is one of the most established snow showers (think Willow when they play All I Want German Markets in the UK. Over 40 traditional wooden Ror Christmas is You). The sculptures are often sculpted stalls are erected and sell a variety of traditional goods, live so you can see the transformation yourself. There is from handcrafted cards to jewellery and toys. Of course a parade through town at noon on the Sunday, which is there is also a variety of traditional German food, with great fun to watch as it is joined by many schools and gingerbread, sausages and soups to warm you up this art groups of the York community and normally very market is perfect for some festive fun, and at a short enjoyable. Best to enjoy when sipping warm mulled train and cheap train or bus journey it is an easy and wine from one of the many stalls and taking a wonder fun day out with your housemates! this is a festive treat for those brave enough to face the However, if you don't want to brave the cold there weather! are some inside shopping points too! York has no end of chain-stores but if you are wanting to give something a bit different this Christmas here are some special shops to have a look at; Give The Dog A Bone on Fossgate has a menagerie of gifts perfect for the random and endearing presents for the people who have everything! We love the Graffitea mug or Solar powered dancing flower, If you are looking for presents and puns this is the best shop to go to. Christmas Angels may suit presents for your younger cousins or siblings and is definitely worth a visit even if it’s just to absorb that christmas-y feeling. Also good for your chrismas decorations with baubles that are a bit more special Untitled (a re-found GCSE painting) by Hannah Mumby than the poundland megaboxes! While the Cat Gallery, near the minster, may be a bit kookier but
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SOBER EXPOSURE
NIGHTLIFE NEWS THE GALLERY has relaunched its Sunday clubnight. Hooray! Contrary to popular belief, student fave SNG was never actually YUSU affiliated, but the Union's move to Vodka Revs on Sundays lead to SNG's hiatus this term.
ZIGGY'S HAVE refurbished their Champgne Lounge to make more space for dancing! Sadly this means a lack of sofas downstairs, but now there's an extra bar so you can refuel on K2s without the wait. DJS AT Vodka Revs on Tuesdays are rumoured to be encouraging girls to dance sexily with each other to win bottles of champagne. The winners are whoever "arouse" the DJs most. This scandal is only happening on York St Johns' official nights - steer clear!
NIGHTLIFE REVIEW
The Exhibition Hotel, Bootham Street
location. In fact , we were the only students there on a Friday night. This is also reflected in the pricing; there aren't student deals with shots for a pound but it's not extortionate either. There are a couple of cocktails to choose from at £4.50 (the cranapple one is delicious!) and there's all the spirits and real ales you'd expect to find at a decent York pub. I probably wouldn't recommend it for an average student night out, however it is absolutely perfect for a classy, romantic winter date. After a sophisticated night out at the theatre, head here and cuddle up by the fire for some quiet drinks and seduction. And if it's gone well, who knows what's for afters.. BETH EUSTACE
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et’s face it, less than nine months ago no York student would be seen dead in Salvation, yet within a few weeks of taking over Tuesday nights it has become by far the most popular club in town. Yet what of BPM? The management who own both establishments, are now to keen to emulate Salvation’s success with BPM. Their approach it seems was to effectively make BPM as much like Salvation as possible. Tuesday nights are now student only and a refurbishment that occurred just before the start of term has decked out the place with almost identical fittings as its sister venue. Unfortunately for BPM, this has had limited success. The first problem I noticed when entering BPM was that it was fairly empty. This perhaps wasn’t helped by the fact that the bouncers
were turning down anyone at the door who didn’t have a York Uni ID. Although the one great advantage of this is that getting served a drink doesn’t take over 20 minutes. Another issue is that although BPM advertises itself as a bar, it opens at 9pm and is dominated by a dance floor, albeit a rather small one. Having said that, none of these would be major issues if wasn’t for the fact it was competing with itself. The reason Salvation is so successful is that each night the organisers go to extreme efforts to put on a show. Until as much energy is put into BPM nights, or until YUSU decide to give me them an official student night, this bar stroke club will continue to fall under the radar of students. DANIEL GODDARD
FANCY DRESS OF THE WEEK
INGREDIENTS: 8 Fresh mint leaves 1 1/2 shot (s) Gin 1 shot Sloe Gin Liqour 1 shot freshly squeezed lemon juice 1/2 shot sugar syrup
es T Photog
GIN GENIE
raphy
COCKTAIL OF THE WEEK
Photo: Jam
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fter a night out of being awfully cultured at the York Theatre Royal, my friends and I found ourselves frozen on the street having received the devastating news the taxi would take 45 minutes. Desperate for sanctuary and warmth, we stumbled into a 'Ye Olde' looking pub only minutes away on 19 Bootham Street. My first thought upon entering was "Have I stumbled on the final scene of a cliched winter Rom-com?"To use suitably Rom-com melodramatic language, the blazing fire bathed the red leather seats in warmth and light and we could cosy up watching the snow drift delicately onto the beautiful city walls. That was the atmosphere; cosy, homely and relaxing, certainly not a stereotypical student
BPM, Rougier Street
U
niversity: a time for learning, finding yourself, opening possibilities and, for some people, drinking heavily. Nowadays, the word student is synonymous with drunk. For many, a good night out is one that culminates in waking up at the bottom of Clifford's Tower wearing someone else's clothes and clutching a sign post. After several... 'unfortunate' nights out myself, I decided to set myself a challenge: a totally sober night out. I would be accompanied by my borderline alcoholic friends who would, of course, be consuming copious amounts of alcohol. The night, of course, began at a friend's house with some pre-drinks. Vodkat was dispensed generously as I sat nursing my Coke. A couple of girls had decided to start on the shots and happily shared gossip, and everyone else was just looking forward to a good night out. This sober lark didn't seem like a problem at all! We decided to take the party into town. Being tee total, I felt I had a role of responsibility even from the beginning, and taxis were just the start! All too soon, it was onto Tokyo. The fact I wasn't on the same sugar high as my inebriated friends meant I was also getting a bit tired. I resolved not to let it get the better of me.. and to 'down' pints of Coke and get back into the spirit. Tokyo was... interesting. Never before had I realised how sticky everything was. Even the people were sticky a mixture of alcohol and sweat. A kiss under the club lights was not on the menu tonight! My friends began to gravitate towards various members of the opposite sex. Decidedly not in the mood, I watched them with various levels of jealously, confusion and in some cases disgust. I was back to playing Mummy and steering some of the girls away from strange forty year old men. Another thing I noticed was how repetitive bobbing up and down to music really is! To end the night in style, we walked to Willow. I can't believe that this 'club' is literally just a room. What is THE place to end the night when I'm a bit drunk revealed itself as somewhat disappointing. Determined to end the night on a real high, I made the effort and got back onto the dance floor, though I must admit a slight sense of relief as I crawled into a taxi at just 2.30am. A sober night out is lots of fun; get to hear a lot of secrets and to watch hilarious drunken antics, all whilst retaining your own dignity. To wake up the next morning, remember everything and be free from that all too familiar sense of dread is wonderful. There are downsides: clubs are far from entertaining when sober, especially seeing as the music prevents conversation. You feel the cold and your feet hurt. However, what makes or breaks a night is, of course, the people. If you're with a good group of tipsy individuals, there is still a hell of a lot of fun to be had on a sober night out in York. BETH EUSTACE
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Matt Berry is an English writer, actor, comedian and musician. He is best known for his recurring roles on "The IT Crowd" as Douglas Reynholm and "The Mighty Boosh"as Dixon Bainbridge, as well as for his musical exploits, including an album entitled "Witchazel" to be released in March 2011. Berry is also the voice of "George the Volcano" in Volvic's earlier advertising campaigns, and has provided the voiceover for the Driving Theory Test in the UK.
Matt Ber ry Interview by Rosie Welch
So Matt, you’ve played some pretty eccentric characters in your career, are there any similarities between yourself and any of your characters? They kinda sound similar I suppose, but in terms of brain cells, I would like to think that I’ve got more. What is your favourite IT crowd episode? I haven’t seen very many, I like the one where Jen has to interpret a business meeting between Douglas and the Italian businessman, and she gets caught out when she’s not allowed to bring her computer translator with her into the meeting, and she ends up destroying the company’s biggest business opportunity. That’s a great one. What’s the weirdest thing a fan has ever said to you? They made me sign my name, which was actually going to be tattooed the next day, alongside a picture that he was also going to get done.
CULTURE NIGHTLIFE
That’s pretty creepy. Can you describe your fashion sense in one word? Uh…mindless. What’s your favourite childhood memory? Oh, um, probably Wonderwoman. The TV show. Facebook or Twitter? I’m not very good at either, I’m not that technical I’m afraid. Isn’t Facebook observed by the CIA? So the other, Twitter. Who is your ideal woman? Er…god I can’t because that would upset- that’s dodgy. I guess it would be someone who’s not put off by somebody who talks to themselves! You’ve done a lot of voiceover work in your career- if you could be the new voice of a children’s cartoon character, who would it be? Morph Who or what is your comedy inspiration? No comedy really, it would be real
things. Um, so, could be like a member of my family. Something that doesn’t have the intention of being funny. What’s the one thing you couldn’t live without? A shower probably. How would you define your style of comedy? I don’t have a clue. I don’t think of it as being funny, I just think I’m lucky to have got away with it. Would you say that parody is your favourite thing to do? None of it’s my favourite, I mean I know what it isn’t, I mean it’s not observational, that sort of thing. What’s your favourite TV show? Autumnwatch. Completely true, I realised the other day that, apart from Eastenders, my favourite programs have ‘watch’ in the title. Because Autumnwatch is my all time favourite, and Crimewatch is the other one. So you like to observe... If you could perform anywhere in the
world where you pick? Somewhere that was right next to my flat. I’m really lazy, I hate going anywhere. Favourite band? The Shins. You gotta check them out. They’ve been going for a while but they’re a brilliant American indie band. PC or Mac? Mac, only because that’s the first one I ever had. But if I’d have got a PC first I guess I would have been a PC. Have any pets? No. I’ve got some stuffed animals but no living ones. What do you to calm your nerves before a show? Just being conscious of where the exit is. Favourite Doctor Who? Tom Baker, because he was the first one I saw. And finally, Vision or Nouse? I would pick Nouse and spell it N-O-O-S-E.
PICKS OF THE WEEK WEDNESDAY 8 UNIVERSITY CHOIR Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall £3 NUS
FRIDAY 10
SUNDAY 11
CINDERELLA
CAROLS IN THE MINSTER
Grand Opera House £11
York Minster 6pm doors, 7pm start Free
Powerful choral singing in this offering from the University's choir.
THURSDAY 9
JAMNESTY!
Fibbers £3.50 NUS The University's branch of Amnesty International is hosting this year's Jamnesty at Fibbers, featuring acts such as Chuck Jager and Taming the Savage. Tickets have previously sold out in 24 hours so make sure you get yours fast.
Begin the festive season with some good old family fun at the theatre! Is he behind you? Oh no he isn't! This year's pantomime stars everyone's favourite ex-Emmerdalers Stuart Wade and Lisa Riley, this is one not to miss. Why not arrange a flat trip?
SATURDAY 11 CAROL CONCERT St Lawrence's Church 7.30pm Free
An evening of traditional carols, a talk from Revd Canon Roger Simpson and free mince pies and mulled wine.
Scenesters Scene Editor Jaime Riley
Come and experience Christmas Music Editors in one of York's most traditional Chris Craddock venues. With drama from Riding Rachel Pronger Lights Theatre Company, organ acDeputy Music companiment and a full choir, this is a service for Christians and non- Stephen Barbagiannis Will Haydon Christians alike. Arrive early to get a good seat. Film Editors David Elliott Tom Martin
Deputy Film Chris Hogg Olivia Waring
Games Editor Nathan Blades
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Books Editors Tabi Joy Teja Pisk
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TV Editor Nicola Chapman
Culture Editors Louisa McLellan Hannah Wattes